06x19 - Communication Breakdown

[bunniefuu]

[laughs] Yeah. So he goes,
''You should go out with me.''

So, then she goes,
''Go out with you?''

So, then l go,
''Yeah. You should go.''

And then l go,
''You're an idiot.''

- Come on. We need to use the phone.
- [door opens]

Well, guys,

l just did my first
oil change on the Healey.

Congratulations.
How'd you manage to stay so clean?

She used me for a drop cloth.

And a shop rag.

Now l gotta change.
l had better call Harry.

l was supposed to be there
five minutes ago.

- Take a number.
- No. Brittany's not Heather's friend.

She's Ashley's friend.
Heather hangs out with Courtney

ever since they came to school
wearing the same pair of earrings.

l can't stand this.
When l want the phone,

one of my strapping young boys
is clucking like a hen on the phone.

[clucking]

l think l have a solution.
Brad, get off the phone.

All right, yeah.
l gotta go. Later.

Mark, wait!

None of you is using the phone
until we work out

a system of phone usage for you boys.

- All right, listen up.
- OK, it's very simple.

Each of you will be allotted
minutes a day of phone time.

You can't use it continuously
unless nobody else is waiting.

These rules don't apply during
peak times, : to : on weekdays,

all day on the weekend,
and when we are home.

Also, keep in mind,
if you fail to use your daily allotment,

you can't apply that
to future phone usage.

Does that sound fair, Tim?

l lost you after
''it's all very simple.''

[theme song]

[crowd cheers on TV]

[repeating] Go!

No! ldiot!

[sighs]

Delores! You want to get Tim
another beer, please?

l just got off work.
l'm starving to death.

And my feet are swelled up
like a couple of bloated toads.

ls that a ''yes'' or a ''no?''

- Hey, l'll get it.
- Absolutely not.

You're a guest in this house.
You shouldn't have to get your own beer.

But l'm so comfortable as a gosh-darn
guest here, l prefer to get my own beer.

Get me one, too?

[knocking]

Heck! Why don't l get it.

- Hey, Dennis.
- Hey, Tim.

- Need a hand?
- l got it. How you doing?

lt's been a long time.
Last time l saw you, you had the...

lt's all healed, yeah.

- Hey, Dad. Hi, Mom.
- Hi, honey.

lf you came by to watch hockey,
it's not much of a game.

The Wings are down by seven goals.

Actually, l came in to hook the
power supply up for the video phone.

- Video phone?
- Yeah. Dennis has one at his place.

He also put one in
at the hardware store.

Yeah. Delores loves it.
l call it ''Must-Nag TV.''

l work for a communications company
that installs high-tech systems.

Good company. Last time we talked,
you were selling real estate.

Yeah, he was. But then he was a
salesman, then he was a bank teller,

and then a waiter...

Oh, and then he went
into his human guinea pig period.

But he's found a career
he really loves, right?

Yeah. lt's awesome. l mean,
the technology's changing every day.

- l read a lot...
- And l'm smack dab in the middle of it!

- Congratulations...
- l get paid for it! lt's a cool job.

Boy, you're perky, Dennis!

Yeah. He takes after his mother.

Shut up, Harry!

Do you install those
automated-home systems?

l install those all the time. l can
automate anything my customers want.

Yeah? What if l wanted
to flush my toilet from the car?

Then you'd be a strange, strange man.

You should have him
automate your house.

Hey! Don't start, Delores!

Tim doesn't like to be pushed
into buying things.

Oh, yes, l do.

l don't think l could talk Jill into
it. We need is a second phone line.

- l could put that in for you.
- [sighs]

l don't know, Tim.

lt's not a good idea having
your kid work for your friends.

- That's what friends are for.
- Think you can do it?

Sure, while l'm there maybe l can
sell you on one of these video phones.

- Does this thing work?
- Check it out.

- l'll speed dial the hardware store.
- Hello. Harry's Hardware. This is Al.

You know, there's just some
things you don't want to see.

Just a second phone line.
That's all, right?

- Yeah. Just a second phone line.
- All right.

- As long as he's here...
- No.

- Can't we just try...
- No.

- Just think...
- No! No!

- Home automated system!
- No!

All right. l'll call and
talk about a second phone line.

- Just a second line.
- But if we could just...

No! Never!

Mark's on the phone.

What? He's been on the phone all day.

l told him an hour ago
no more calls.

[sighs]

Mark, did your mom tell you
an hour ago to get off the phone?

Yeah. Well, stop the girlie chitchat
and get off the phone.

Big news! Katie likes Trevor!

Katie likes Trevor?
l thought Katie liked Justin.

And then Justin likes Chloe.

You gotta let this go.

Dad, don't you ever do that again!
That was a really important call.

- Who do you think you're talking to?
- Not my friends, thanks to you!

Mark, l told you
minutes was the limit.

- You won't play by the rules?
- lt's a stupid rule!

Stupid rule? How about three days
without phone calls?

- Dad! That's a...
- Argue with me, it'll be a week!

[sighs] This bites!

Oh, yeah? How about three weeks without
a phone call? That'll... that'll ''bite!''

[sighs]

Three weeks? Don't you think
that's a little extreme?

- What would you have done?
- Given him a warning.

You give me warnings all the time.
Does it ever do any good?

No. But l still have
hope for the children.

Whoever did your last wiring job
really didn't know what he was doing.

Well, that guy's not allowed to work
around here anymore.

lt's too bad. Now all l gotta do
is run the fish tape upstairs,

hook it to the new line
and yank it through.

Right. l can give you
a hand if you want.

You said ''that guy'' wasn't
allowed to work here anymore.

- [pager beeps]
- Ooh.

Um... oh, man!

l got a customer that needs me. l want
to get that job done right. l'm sorry.

Think you'll be OK without
a second line for a little while?

- You still got the first line.
- That'd be great.

l haven't actually used the first line
since Katie started dating Justin.

This is ridiculous.
Dennis has been gone for three hours.

And Mom won't get off the phone.

[sighs] Angela's probably
married by now.

By the time l get to use the phone,
my friends'll be in a retirement home.

[pretending to cry]

Mark, quit exaggerating.
You don't have any friends.

Guys, listen up.

l think l can pull that second line down
by myself if you help me upstairs.

l'll hook it on the tape,
wrap it around, send it down.

Use the intercom to talk.
You distract Mom.

Big arms, big gestures. Big hands!
Big hands! Big hands! Big hands!

Gotcha!

[Tim whistles]

Moving, moving...

Get in there.

Uh-oh.

Not a word you want to hear
in this house.

- Brad. lt's hung up on something.
- [Brad] I don't see anything.

All right, l'm gonna pull it back out.
We'll try it one more time.

[whispers] Big arms.

[Jill] The phone went dead.

Oh, my God! What happened?

Well, looks like Dad just yanked away
all our phone privileges.

Tim, why couldn't you
wait till Dennis got here?

l waited three hours! l can only wait
so long having a hole in the wall!

- [doorbell]
- There's Dennis. He'll fix it.

- l'll get some drywall patch.
- [Harry] Hi.

l just came to bring
Dennis his lunch and say...

What the hell happened?

Tim tried to fix the phone.

Where's Dennis?

He was paged. He's been gone
about three hours. So...

- He left in the middle of the job?
- Yeah. But Tim tried to finish it.

-[knocking]
- Hey, guys.

Hey, Dad. Sorry l'm late.
Whoa! What happened?

That guy showed up.

How could you leave my friend
stranded for three hours?

l got paged on another job.
l guess l got a little overbooked.

- He's here now. No big deal.
- lt's a very big deal.

You know you can't leave Tim alone
with a hole in the wall.

- Told you so.
- Listen, l gotta get back to work.

Yes, you do. And l'm gonna stay here
to make sure you do it right this time.

- You're gonna breathe down my neck?
- You're damn right l am!

- Guys, settle down, please?
- Don't have to be so tough on him.

Our walls always look like this.

Dad, would you just trust
me to do this by myself?

l'd trust you to screw it up.

- That's it. l'm out of here.
- Fine. Run away.

No, it's not fine.
Don't run away, Dennis.

l'm sorry. l'll send somebody
out to finish the job.

Make sure that somebody else
knows what they're doing.

Aw, the hell with it.

[Brad] Dad?

What?

[Brad] What should I do?

Take up the lost art
of letter-writing.

[floor creaks]

Don't even think about it!

l can't believe the way
Harry went after Dennis.

He just went after him
because he cares about him.

What do you think he'd be like if
Harry didn't come down so hard on him?

l don't know... happy?

Happy? What would the world be like
if everyone walked around ''happy?''

A happy world?

lt's important for kids
to be responsible.

Dennis was three hours late.
He screwed up.

lt was Harry's job as a parent
to straighten things out.

Like you tried to straighten out Mark?

What does that
have to do with anything?

You were pretty tough
on him about the phone.

Thanks to me,
he's not talking on the phone.

Thanks to you, nobody is.

This isn't just about the phone,
you know.

You heard him come down with that
attitude. l had to say something.

As the kids get older, the problems
and attitudes are just gonna get bigger.

You have to pick your battles
and be more sensitive.

[sighs] You know,
you probably are right, you know?

Next time one of the boys
smarts off to me,

l'm gonna take him out for a nice
little cup of tea.

And while they're
buttering their scones,

l'll ask what punishment
they would prefer.

You won't laugh when you end up with
a relationship like Dennis and Harry.

l have a good relationship
with the boys.

l'm not gonna end up like Harry.
l know what l'm doing around here.

- Hey, Wilson.
- [Wilson] Hidey-ho, neighbor.

- [rattling]
- What are you doing over there?

Tim, are you familiar with
the I Ching?

Sure. The ''l Ching,'' the scratching,
the chafing.

That's why l switched
to boxers, my friend.

[Wilson laughs] Oh, my! No.

Actually, the I Ching is the
ancient book of Chinese wisdom.

You ask a question about your life.
And then you toss these coins.

And you try to divine
the answer from the book.

- l've got a question for those coins.
- Mmm. sh**t.

You think l'm too tough on my kids?

Might l inquire what
brings that issue to the fence?

ln a word? Jill.

She says l should be more sensitive
about how l discipline my kids.

Well, it's true the way
you talk to your children now

can have a profound effect
on your future relationship.

l say some tough things, but not
as tough as Harry says to his kid.

Oh! Dennis tells me
that Harry has quite a lexicon.

Lexicon? No, he drives a Buick.

You know, l ran into Dennis
at the coffee shop today.

And he was so angry at Harry,
he told him that he was leaving town.

What? Just because
of what Harry said to him?

Well, l guess so.
You know, as Longfellow says,

''A torn jacket is soon mended. But hard
words can bruise the heart of a child.''

You think l should have
a talk with Harry?

Well, let's see what
the I Ching says.

- (sighs)
- [coins clattering]

[repeating] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yes. lt says ''The situation is a
microcosm juxtaposed against,

and created by, the macrocosm
of the universe.''

[Wilson sniffs]

And there, my neighbor,
you have your answer.

Yup.

Though l've forgotten the question.

Hey, Mark.

Mark, do me a favor.

When Mom comes home, tell her
l went to Harry's for a minute.

Whatever you say.

l know you're angry because
l disciplined you over the phone.

And because you embarrassed me.

You know, l probably
shouldn't have done that.

But it gave you no right
to talk to me the way you did.

Yeah. You're right. l'm sorry.

Feel like playing by the rules now?

Yeah.

You can use the phone
as soon as it gets fixed.

When will that be?

Well, very soon. Provided l
don't get anywhere near it.

[Delores] My little sweetie.

You can dust yourself.

[doorbell]

- Hi, Delores.
- What do you want?

Well, l heard about
Dennis wanting to move away.

And l came over
to talk to Harry about it.

Let me get this straight.

You're taking it upon yourself
to fix our family problems?

Not if you're gonna yell at me.

- Tim, you're a marvelous person.
- No, no...

Would you like a beer? Some cheese
and crackers? Can l glaze you a ham?

- Oh...
- l thought if they talked. lf they...

Tim?

- What are you doing here?
- Certainly not what it looks like.

He came over because
he's a caring, loving human being

who recognizes the importance
of family unity.

Are you drunk?

l'm gonna leave you two alone.

Now, try and open that thick skull of
yours and listen to what he has to say.

He's a lot smarter than he looks.

l want to talk to you about Dennis.

Look, nothing you can say
could possibly change my mind.

Well, how about some
words of wisdom from

Longfellow during his itching period?

He said don't ''jucapose'' anything
in a ''macroscope'' in this universe.

Are you drunk?

What l'm saying is your kid is
about ready to leave your life.

- ls that what you want?
- lt doesn't matter what l want.

lt never mattered what l want. l wanted
him to go to college, he dropped out.

Then l wanted him to learn the hardware
business but he wasn't interested.

Maybe the kid's just
looking for a career of his own.

You know, l think he's
found one that he's good at.

- Good at?
- Yeah.

He walked out in the middle of a job!

l can't even begin to imagine leaving
a customer waiting for three hours.

- How about three weeks?
- What?

When you forgot to order that grinder
for me, l did the job by hand.

[sighs] One mistake.

Well, the kid's allowed
to make one mistake.

His mistake is he's got
too many customers.

Too many customers. That means he
must be doing something right.

Yeah. He was always good with his hands.

Why wouldn't he be?
He takes after his old man.

[grunts] Maybe l should
give him another chance.

You bet you should.
Give the kid a call.

How do l know he's not already
on a plane halfway across the country?

Because l've got him on hold.
Pick up the video phone.

[repeating] No. Tim, no. No, no, no.
l don't want to talk to him.

No, no, no, no...

Hey, hey, Dennis. Hi.

Hi.

Look, l'm sorry l came down
so hard on you.

My screen's a little fuzzy. For a second
there I thought you were my father.

l mean it. Look,
l don't want you moving away.

lt would upset your mother...

...and...

[laughs] ...it would upset me, too.

And it would really upset me...

...because l got that
big hole in my wall.

You know what you need? A responsible
professional to help you out.

And l think l know just the guy.

Thanks, Dad.

Tool Man, l'm gonna glaze you that ham.

Glaze away, baby.

- Hi.
- Welcome back to Tool Time.

We're here with home
communication expert, Dennis Turner.

Today we're talking about
the fully automated house.

Heidi, let's show
them our fully automated house.

- Here you are, Tim.
- [trumpets blaring]

- Thank you, Heidi.
- You're welcome.

Actually, this is a mock-up
of an automated house.

Wow, now you tell me! l had half
my stuff moved in there already.

The home is controlled by a touch
screen, hooked into a central computer.

Right. The touch of your finger
can turn on air conditioning,

- your stereo...
- Or your lights.

- Red lights?
- Oops, wrong district.

Well, the great thing
about an automated house

is that you can
customize it to your personality.

This is like an automated doll house.

Of course Al would have
an automated dull house.

What would be so great
about your automated house?

Yeah? l'll show you.

ln my house, let's say l want
my plants to have perfect sun.

Press this plant icon,
and my house rotates

from a northern exposure
to a beautiful sunny western exposure.

Well, l wouldn't want
to be living in a spinning house.

Who invited ya?

Here's a good one. lf your neighbors
put on a two-story addition.

You can't even see
the stockyards anymore. Press this.

And your house
rises to the occasion.

''When you get the paper, honey, watch
that first step. lt's a mean one.''

This feature is also good for keeping
away pesky door-to-door salesmen.

[laughs]

And speaking of keeping
people away from you...

...when the mother-in-law comes, perfect
opportunity to use the automated house.

She's not getting in here. No way.