04x18 - Is There a Doctor in the House?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "I Dream of Jeannie". Aired: September 18, 1965 – May 26, 1970.
Rescued from a bottle by a U.S. astronaut, a scantily clad genie named Jeannie becomes his sl*ve and eventually falls in love with him.
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04x18 - Is There a Doctor in the House?

Post by bunniefuu »

Do you know what I am going
to do today, master?

I am going to Paris,
to the flea market

to get you an antique chest
for your bedroom.

And then I am going to Denmark,
to get you a stool for the...




Master, you fell asleep.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry, Jeannie. Ahem.

You must stop watching
The Late Late Show.

Late Late Show?

I fell asleep
during the : news.

Perhaps you should
go back to bed.

No, I can't.

Dr. Bellows is briefing us
on the moon flight today.

Oh, you must be excited.

Yeah, can't wait.


Oh, I'm sorry.

I will go get you
some hot black coffee.

Tony, what in the blazes
are you doing in your pajamas?


Oh, dear. He must have gone
to NASA in his pajama bottoms.


Well, I was sleepy this morning
and I guess I forgot...

to put on my pants.
I just forgot.


What pajamas, sir?

Tony, what's going on?

Not seconds ago,
you wandered in here in your...

Wake up, Tony.

What's the matter with you?


Uh, two eggs, over easy,
with rye, please.

You say he came into your office
in his pajamas?

You heard what I said.

Then he started to go to sleep
as I was talking to him,

and now he's...
Tony, come back!

Don't go to the flea market.

Oh, now he's sleepwalking
out into the corridor.

Good morning, Dr. Bellows.
I can't talk now.

Major Nelson is
in some sort of...

What's the...?
What's the problem, sir?

If you'll recall, sir,

there have been times
in the past when, uh,

strange things have happened
to Major Nelson.

And when I brought them
to your...

I'm not talking about the past.
I'm talking about right now!

This man is scheduled
for a moon flight.

I don't want him
sleepwalking in space.

I feel very fit.
Very fit indeed, sir.

Uh, sir, with your permission,

I'll check him over again,
just to make sure.

Uh, come along, major.

Get your hat and briefcase.

Yes, of course.

I must have dropped them.

Oh, and, general,
when you have time,

perhaps you'd like
to drop by my office.

There's nothing wrong with me!

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Tony, what's going on?

We had our physical
three days ago.

Something terrible has happened.

I don't know exactly what it is.
Hey, wait. Whoa!

Wait. Don't talk
with your mouth full.

Something weird
is going on, Roge.

Oh, I'll say. You've got
a temperature of .


That's .

Oh, good, you're better already.

Listen, I feel perfectly normal.

But I was in
General Peterson's office,

and he swears
that I was fast asleep.

And I don't remember
anything about it.

You don't remember.

Boy, that's bad.

You could talk
in your sleep. You...


Tony, you all right?
Tony, you all right?

Tony, you okay?

Don't say that.

You've gotta snap out of it.

Boy, you really got it bad...

Thing is, he said
I was talking in my sleep.

You were talking
in your sleep, just now.

W-what do you mean,
"just now"?

I mean, just now.
Don't you remember? I went:

And then you...

And then you did that.

Oh, uh, Major Nelson.

It's just as I suspected.

The lab reports
everything quite normal.

Major Nelson?

Major Healey,
what are you doing?

Oh, well, I was just, uh,
taking his temperature, sir.


Oh! Hello, Dr. Bellows.
Where'd you come from?

Well, I just walked in
and found you sound asleep.

Oh, I was just resting my eyes.

Major, you were
d*ad to the world.

Uh, no, sir. No, sir,

I was practicing
my... conscious relaxation.

Simulated sleep.

Roger and I have
developed a technique

whereby we can maintain
high levels of energy

when we're in space flight.

Was that what you were doing
in Peterson's office?

Yes, I suppose
I was so successful that

he really thought I was asleep.

Oh, well, I'll tell him that.
That's very interesting.

That'll be all, gentlemen,
you're dismissed.

Oh, yes, sir.
Right, sir.

Uh, major.

My "babometer."

I beg your pardon?
My babometer.

Uh, for pressure.

Oh, sorry. Here.
Thank you.

Uh, major!

Now, would you kindly?
Yes, I would.

Thank you very much.

You should have told
Dr. Bellows.

You can't go to the moon
if you're gonna fall asleep

every time somebody whistles.
I didn't tell Dr. Bellows

because whatever I've got,
Jeannie must be in back of.

Don't you understand?
Hey, hey, look at that.

Yeah, you're right.
Legs too skinny.

She wasn't that bad.


You all right?
Come on, come on.

Master, I swear to you.
I had nothing to do with it.

You must have!

I've never heard of any disease
where people fall asleep

because somebody whistles.

Maybe it's a rare
disease no one ever heard of.

Yeah, like
the whistling sleepies.

Yeah, or the sleeping whistles.

Master, are you sure
you have no other symptoms?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Oh! What's the matter?

My knee.
Maybe you pulled a muscle.

What's the matter?

It's my left ear.

Maybe you pulled
a muscle in your ear.

Oh, master.

Did you say your right knee
and left ear?

Yeah. Come on, take it eas...
Oh, dear.

What is it? What is it?
What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

What do you mean?
Excuse me,

I think I will go visit my mama.

Now, wait a minute, this is no
time to visit your mother.


Oh, great. You're coming down
with the whistling sleepies

and she goes home to mother.

Wait. Oh, what... Whoa.

Take it easy.

I didn't whistle, Tony.

Didn't whistle.


This is a job
for old Doc Healey. Ahem.

Oh. Ah.

Tony, I'm not just
whistling "Dixie," Tony.

He must be getting worse.
He doesn't respond to treatment.

Come on. Ho-ho.

Whistle, whistle.
What's your favorite song?

Hello, mama, darling.

Oh! Jeannie.

Oh, my own daughter.

Oh, and as busy as she is,

she took time out
to see her mama.

Come, come.

We have some coffee.

I had to see you, mama.

You see, my master is...

I hope you didn't put yourself
to too much trouble.

You were here only
five years ago.

Oh, it has not been
five years, mama.

It has only been two months.

Hm. Five years.
Two months.

To a mother it is all the same.

I know how difficult it is
for you to get here.

You have to blink.

I wouldn't want you
to be straining your eyelids.

Well, what brings you here?

Good news, or bad?

Mama, my master is very sick.

Good news.
I'll get the wine.

Mama, I do not want any wine.

I-I want you
to help cure my master.

You see, he keeps falling asleep
all the time.

And then he has this affliction
of the right knee

and the left ear.

And it sounds like...


I know what it sounds like.

Too bad. It looks like you
will have to find a new master.


it just so happens

that I know of this
fabulously wealthy sultan.


I do not want a sultan.

I want you to help me
cure the master I have.

We'll talk about it.

Right now,
you go into the kitchen

and get something to eat.

And while you are eating,

I will show you
a picture of the sultan.

Oh, he is so handsome,
you wouldn't believe.

Mama, there is no time.
He is getting worse.

She visits me once in five years

and she has no time to talk.

Go. Eat.

That is what they learn
in America these days.




Will you please
say that again, doctor?

I wanna be sure
I heard you right.

Conscious relaxation, sir.
He was just simulating sleep.

Yeah, that's what I heard.

Dr. Bellows, you're putting me
in a ticklish position.

As commander of this base,

I depend on you for medical
and psychiatric advice.

What am I supposed to do
if my chief psychiatric officer

goes off his rocker?

General, I know Major Nelson...

uh, inside out,

and I assure you,
there's nothing wrong with him.

Well, in that case, there's
only one other possibility.

There's something wrong with me.

Well, general, I, uh...

Now, that's out of the question!

I want you to put
a constant surveillance on Tony

for hours.

If he can keep his eyes open
for of 'em,

I'll turn myself in
for a complete checkup.

Uh, yes, sir.
I'll have to go to his house.

What's he doing at his house?

Uh, well, general, I, um...
I sent him there for a nap.

Ah, if I whistle anymore,
I'm gonna sprain my mouth.

Oh, come on, Tony.

This ought to work.

Tony, Dr. Bellows is here,
he's gonna see Jeannie!

Boy, even the shock treatment
doesn't help.

I guess I'm really gonna have
to call Dr. Bellows.

Come on.
Come on, little fella.

Up and at 'em.
Oh! Heavy, heavy.

Up... Up against the wall.
Up against the wall.

Not me up against the wall.

You up against the wall.
Up, up... Take it easy.

Good, good.
That's a nice boy.

Little, quiet snores,
I'm on the phone.


Hold on.
Can you hold on?

Up this way. Up this way.
Up this way. There we go.

Here we go.
Ho! Here we go.

Okay. Hold on.

This Dr. Bellows?


Fresno, California.

Fresno, California.
All right.

Wrong number. My fault.
Wrong number.

Roger, correct the attitude.

We're drifting off course.

I'm correcting.
I'm correcting.

I'm calling Dr. Bellows.

Don't worry, old boy.

Everything's gonna be all right,
I'm calling Dr. Bellows.


Don't say "Jeannie."
Don't say...

Don't say, "Jeannie."


Oh, this is Dr. Bellows?

Oh, well, I was calling
Fresno, California.


What are you blabbing
Jeannie's name for

while I'm talking
to Dr. Bellows?

Let's sit down.

Let's go get a chair.

Go get a chair.
We'll sit down.

Let's find a chair.

Oh, no.
You sit in the chair.

Sing, Ahmed.

Another two minutes
and Major Nelson won't wake up

for five years.

♪ Deedle-deedle
Dum-dum ♪

♪ Deedle-deedle
Dum-dum ♪

♪ Deedle-deedle
Dum-dum ♪

Oh, Mama, you did it.

You are making my master sick.

Don't thank me.

I would do anything
for my daughter.

Mama, I am a full-grown genie.

I have a right to choose
any master I wish.

Now, you make
my master well again or...

Or... I will never come
to see you.

thr*at, I am getting?

From my own flesh and blood.

Ahmed, you stop singing,
I command it.

Don't bother with Ahmed.

He only puts people to sleep.

Waking them up is
a little more complicated.

Well, then tell me how.
Please, Mama.

I can't.
I have to do it.

In person.

Well... Well, then come with me
to our house. Now.

What do you know?

After all these years, I am
finally getting an invitation.

Mama. Now.


I don't go to my daughter's
house for the first time

without looking
ipsy-pipsy perfect.

♪ La-lee, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la ♪

A nice hot cup of coffee.

No coffee, huh.

Don't go away.
Sleepy, sleepy.

Coffee's out, huh?

Oh, God.

Major Healey.

Uh, where's Major Nelson?

Oh, hello,
Dr. Bellows.

Is that Major Nelson?

Oh, yes, sir.
Major Nelson said to say hello.

If you don't mind,

I'd rather
he said hello himself.

Well, sir, actually
he has a very sore throat.

Major, would you stop
that swiveling?

Oh, we're testing out
a new chair for space.

Major. Stop it.
And that's an order.

Yes, sir.

Uh, well, you see, sir,
we're trying to simulate sleep.

One. Two. Three. Sleep!

Fantastic how wide awake
he is, right?

Oh, major, this man
is totally unconscious!

Done something wrong.

Open up your eyes.

Now, Mama, now.
The one in the chair.

Ah. Children are
always in a rush.

Oh, no. Oh, no, Mama,
not that one.

That one is
Dr. Bellows.

All right, so I made a mistake.

What's the matter? You never
make a mistake? Sheesh.


You were to have made
my master well.

Instead you have
made Dr. Bellows sick.

That's the trouble
with children nowadays.

Always critical.

Who's that?

Oh! Oh, this is
Major Healey.

My master's best friend.

Major Healey, this is my mama.


Is she friendly?

I am not sure yet.


Another bum.

Now I am sure.

Mama, I want you
to treat Major Healey

exactly as you would
treat my master.

Oh, no, I'd rather she treat me

exactly opposite the way
she treated Tony.

Mama, please.

Wake up my master
and Dr. Bellows.

No, I think you'd better
wake up Tony first.

We don't want Dr. Bellows
to see your mother.

So, what's the matter?

I'm not good enough
to be seen by your friends?

It is not that, Mama.

It is just that he would not
understand your being a genie.

Now, please, Mama.

For me.

Wake up my master first.

Ugly as ever.

And this one.

What is it?


A prince.

An emir.

A pasha.

Oh! A regular sultan!

What is she talking about?

I do not know.

Mama, this is Dr. Bellows,
my master's superior officer.

Oh! And a doctor too.

Oh, all these centuries I have
waited for a man I could love.

Jeannie, what is she saying?

Mama, what are you saying?

You have just set eyes on him.

So what? Our family has always
fallen in love quickly.

Look how quickly you fell
for that lump over there.

She's got a point there.

Mama. Mama,
this is impossible.

Now... Now, please. I brought
you here to cure my master.

All right, all right.

If I promise to cure him,
will you stop nudging me?

Anything. Anything, Mama.
Just please cure him.

Hey, I'm late.

I've got to get
to Dr. Bellows' office

about that pref light schedule.

What am I doing here?

Oh, what is...?
What is she doing here?

That's gratitude for you.

Oh, master. You were sick
and mama cured you.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Thank you, Mama.
Thank you very much for...

That's... That's Dr. Bellows
on the couch.

Oh, but that is all right,
master. He is unconscious.


You see, mama made a mistake

and gave him
the same thing you had.


That's not all she gave him.

What's going on here, hm?

What's going on?
Well, you see, master,

I think we have
a little problem.

Mama has fallen in love
with Dr. Bellows.

I don't understand it either.

No. No, t-t-that...
I'm afraid that's impossible.

Dr. Bellows is
a very happily married man.

Only up for seconds
and already he's giving orders.

Would you like to go back
to sleep again, darling?

Say, for about years?

Oh, um...
Do something.

Would you do something?

♪ A sleepy little sultan ♪

♪ Aye, aye, aye ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ Don't know what to call him ♪

♪ But he's... ♪

Master, I think
it would be better

if you and Major Healey left,

and then I could
reason with her.



give the lump this.

In case the sleeping sickness
comes back.

Oh, thank you, Mama.

Here, master.
Wear this around your neck.

Have a good day.

Yeah, okay.
Thanks, Mama.

Loved your song.

All right, well, uh...

Keep trying to reason
with her, would ya?

Okay, bye.

Tony? Oh, Tony.
Oh, get up for me.

You're asleep again.
Come one.

No, I'm just trying
to think, Roger.

Don't scare me like that.
Oh, boy.

I knew it. He's still asleep.
Now where's Dr. Bellows?

This man belongs in a hospital.

Oh, no. It's like we said, sir,

uh, simulated sleep.

Yes, I'm just practicing
my simulated sleep.

Dr. Bellows must be right.
I am cracking up.

No, sir. No.

Whatever gave you
that idea, sir?

When you came
into my room this morning

with all that sleepwalking
and babbling,

I could've sworn
you were a sick man,

but if you're all right,
then I'm seeing things.

You're probably just tired, sir.

There's no use kidding myself.

I better go see Dr. Bellows
and get that checkup.

No, um...
You won't believe

where Dr. Bellows is.

Why don't I bring
Dr. Bellows to you?

You just lie down on
the couch, sir, and I'll...

I'll bring him over here.

Oh, thanks, Roger, Tony.
I appreciate that.

Well, night-night, sir.

You just rest there
and be comfortable.

How are we gonna bring
Dr. Bellows to the general

when we can't
get him out of the house?

One thing at a time, huh?
What thing?

Amanda. Amanda.

Where are you?


Look at that.
Look at that.

He even sleepwalks
like a prince.


Jeannie, come here.

Any luck?

I am afraid not, master.

She refuses to give him up.

Oh, that's gonna be
awfully tough to explain

to Mrs. Bellows.

To say nothing
of General Peterson.

I'm gonna try my luck.
Oh, master.

There, there, little pasha.

Rest. Rest.

We are going on a long journey

in the winking of an eye.

Uh, um, Mama...
Uh, Mrs. Jeannie.

What, you again?

I just wanted to offer you
my congratulations.

Maybe he's got
some class after all.

I just wasn't aware that Dr.
Bellows had agreed

to become your master.

What? Oh!

Well, uh... He did not
exactly agree, master.

He hasn't?

Do you mean to tell me
your mother

picked a master
against his will?

What, "against his will"?

I'm giving him such a shower
of riches you wouldn't believe.

Well, frankly, I'm shocked.

Yeah, me too.

To think that your own mother
would kidnap a master, really.

All right, all right.

So I'll ask him.

And I wouldn't tell him
that your a genie.

Wouldn't be fair.

You want him to love you
for your own self.

Don't worry!

Who needs magic
to make chicken soup?


Loved your dance.

Oh, um, Major Nelson,
General Peterson asked me to...

Who are you?

I am the woman
who is going to make happy

your declining years.

I beg your pardon, madam?

I'm a happily married man.

You don't like me?

Well, how would I know
if I liked you or not?

I've never seen you before.

What am I doing in these things?

Blink him back to NASA.

Yes, master.

Wait! Wait!

Oh, you haven't tasted
my chicken soup.

Oh, miss, uh...
Ahem, Mrs. Jeannie, uh,

if you're looking
for a master, maybe, uh...

Maybe we could
work something out.

With you?

You're a lump
like the other one.

Forget the whole thing.

Wait a minute.
Wait. Hey!


Yeah, well, I didn't like
her singing or her dancing.

Oh, you were brilliant, master.

Yeah, I was, wasn't I?

Now all we have to do
is get back to NASA

and tell Dr. Bellows...

Dr. Bellows!
General Peterson!

Jeannie, when you blinked
Dr. Bellows back to NASA,

did you prop him back
in his uniform?

Well, no, master.
You did not say...

Blink us back to NASA
right away.


Now, now, now.
Now! Now!

Don't try to make me
feel better, doctor.

I'm completely buggy.

Why, I believe that you're
standing there, wearing...

Wearing a sultan's robes.

But you don't understand, sir.
I'm the one who's cracking up.

I am wearing sultan's robes,

and I haven't the faintest idea
where they came from.

It's no use, doctor.
Now I think your robes are gone.

They have gone.

What's happening to me?

Nothing is happening to you.
I'm the one that's going crazy.

With your permission, sir,
I'm the one.

Don't you contradict me,
I outrank you!

Find me a psychiatrist!

But I am a psychiatrist.

If you're a psychiatrist,
I'm sunk.

Well, don't you understand that
when I was in school,

my professor once told me...
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