02x09 - Crack of Doom

[bunniefuu]

Oh, good evening, onlookers.

I seem to be stuck.
I don't suppose you see
a place for a red seven.

No, of course not.
This program isn't in color.

That's right. You can't
distinguish colors, can you?

There's nothing
to winning, really.

That is, if you happen
to be blessed with a keen eye,

an agile mind
and no scruples whatsoever.

Tonight's play is called
"The Crack of Doom. "

As the title suggests,

"The Crack of Doom" is a story
about Mason Bridges,

his wife, Jessie,
his secretary, Della,

his friends, Tom Ackley
and Sam Clinker.

And it begins in the club car
of a New York-Chicago
streamliner.

Can I get you a fresh one,
Mason?

No thanks.

Pass the word, boys.
What's up?

Compartment B, next car.

Anyone who can
tell the difference between
an ace and a deuce is welcome.

I'm a purist.
Five card stud or nothing.

A lamb to the slaughter.

We'll need one more to make
a good seven-handed game.

What do you say, Mason?

No. Thanks,
but I don't play poker.

It's only a fifty cent limit.

I wouldn't care
if it were a ten cent limit
or a one cent limit.

I don't play poker.

Oh, come on, Mason.
Be a good sport.

No, thank you!

What's eating him?
I don't know.

I've never seen Mason
act like that before.

In college he was always ready
to gamble on anything.

Well, come on.

Well, how'd you do?

Win a little, lose a little.

Say, what's this
sudden aversion to poker?

It isn't sudden.

Ignore the adjective then.

Poker nearly
ruined me once.

Huh?

I wouldn't go through that
again for anything
you could name.

Sounds ominous.
Let's hear it.

Come on.

Well, you know me
as an honest man,
right, Tom?

True.

Well, I am.
I always have been.

Except once.

Once, for a few hours
I was a thief.

Oh, come off it, Mason.
I've known you since
you were in college.

That's... Good heavens,
that must be...

Thirteen years.

But there was a time in there
of about five years when
we never saw each other.

Look, maybe you'd rather not
tell me about it, hmm?

No.

No, maybe my experience
will throw a little light
on some other poor sinner.

Even you.

Well, let's see.

It all began a couple of years
after graduation.

I'd settled in Clifford Hills.

In those days, I was
in real estate investments
with three partners.

I was the inside man,
the office manager.

Sam Clinker is here
for the Whitman property.

Well, business is business.

Oh, Mr. Whitman phoned
a few minutes ago.

He won't be able
to keep the appointment.

He'd like to make it
for : tomorrow instead.

It's all right with me if
it's all right with Clinker.
Ask him to come in.

Will you come in,
Mr. Clinker?

Afternoon, Sam.
Mason.

Am I early?

Whitman just phoned.
He's been detained.

He'd like to make it
the first thing
in the morning.

The way you fellows operate
out here, I don't see
how you ever do any business.

Well, this isn't
Wall Street, Sam.

We like
the slower tempo.

Yes, so I've noticed.

Even in your poker games.

We don't bull the game,
if that's what you mean.

Well, tonight we're going to
eliminate the ribbon clerks.

My place. : .
Table stakes. No limit.

Bother you, Mason?

Not really.

But I don't like what's
happening to something
that started out

a couple of years ago
as a friendly little game
among neighbors.

Mason, friendship ceases
when the first card is dealt.

Maybe so.
But at least nobody got hurt.

This no-limit stuff
of yours is brutal.

Everybody gets five cards.

But you've got
a bigger bank roll, Sam.

The weight of your money
wins for you.

So I'm a bad poker player?

I didn't say that!

I merely said you have a
terrific advantage over anyone
who has to hedge a bet.

Of course,
if you can't afford it...

If I couldn't afford it,
I wouldn't sit in.

Fine. I'll reserve
a seat for you.

No, not tonight.

Tonight may be your night.

The bank's closed.
Would you keep this money
in the safe for Whitman?

Oh, sure.

There's $ , even.

I'll give you
a receipt for it.

No, never mind.
I trust you, Mason.

You're an honest man.

See you at : .

You need a change of luck,
Mason. Cut yourself a winner.

Ace is good for $ .

I'll stay.
Worth another card.

I'll stay.
Try it once.

I, m out. Not me.

Ace, jack.

A hundred.

That's too rich
for my blood.

I'm anemic.

A hundred to you, Mason.

I'll go along.

Fives.

Your tens, your jacks.

Two pair.

Cost you $ , Mason.

I'll see you.

Full up.
Aces over jacks.

Beats me.

Well, that's it.
I'm clean.

You can give this
to the janitor.

Mason.
Yeah?

If you get a new bank roll,
come on back.

Sure.
We'll be here for hours.

Yeah,
the night's still young.

And the cards
are terrible.

Okay, pal,
you won the deal.

I had lost
nearly $ , .

But the q*eer vanity
of the poker player

kept telling me
I could get Clinker,

if I just had a new bankroll.

So I headed for the office.

I did have money in the bank.
My wife and I, that is.

Nine thousand dollars.

But the bank was closed
till morning and I had to
get back into that game.

I had to wipe the smile
off Clinker's face.

Subconsciously
I may have known

that what I intended doing
wasn't honest,

but, actually, at the time
it didn't worry me.

You see, it was
common practice in our office

to take whatever cash
we needed

and leave a note
or a personal IOU

which we always made good
within a day or two.

So I helped myself to $ ,
of Sam Clinker's money.

Tom, I didn't feel
a bit dishonest

because, you see,
I had $ , in the bank.

As a matter of fact,
I was kind of amused
at the idea

of using Clinker's money
to win back some of mine.

Well, you can guess
what happened.

You lost. In an hour.

You couldn't believe
the bad run of luck
that I had.

I'd been playing
with scared money

and there still wasn't enough
to buck Clinker's bankroll.

As I recall, I left there with
a certain sense of relief.

I'd learned my lesson

and in the morning I'd draw
$ , out of the bank.

Thank havens
for that savings account.

I must have said that
a dozen times on the way home.

In between wondering
how you were gonna
explain it to your wife.

I kept telling myself she'd be
a good sport about it.

Jessie. Jessie, wake up.

It's important.
I've got to talk to you.

What?

I've got to have some money
the first thing in the morning
as soon as the bank opens.

You've gotta have what?

I've gotta have money, $ , .
But the account's
been cleaned out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Jessie, what's the matter?

I don't know how to tell you.
I tried so many times.

Please don't be angry with me.

Listen to me, Jessie.
Where is that money?

I didn't know how to tell you.
I... I tried!

Tell me now.

Tell me now!

I got a tip
on the stock market.

One of the girls
doubled her money in a month.

So I invested
half of our savings
in an oil company.

I though it would be
such a wonderful surprise
for you.

When they struck oil,
we could have used the money
to build our house right away.

I understand.

You said you invested
half the money.

What did you do
with the rest of it?

Please don't be angry.
They didn't find oil,
they had to drill deeper.

I couldn't stop then.
I had to invest
the rest of the money.

The whole $ , ?

Yes.

I've ruined us, haven't I?

If we're ruined
it's my doing, not yours.

Whatever happens,
it's my fault.

No.

No, it's my fault
because I didn't tell you.

That's the wrong part of it.

Now, look.

Look, you just take it easy
and everything's
gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna
be all right, Jessie.

Now, come on.
Come on, lie down.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

I'll work something out.

I went home that night
knowing that I was a fool,
but an honest fool.

But I left a thief.

Seems to me
that's a question of ethics.
Hmm?

Well, you said it was standard
office procedure to leave
IOU's for cash.

Not strictly business-like,
but the principle of the thing
wasn't dishonest.

Oh, but that's the trouble
with gambling, Tom.

It leaves you
in kind of a moral fog.

You can't distinguish
the finer points of honor.

When I thought
I had the money,
I wasn't a crook.

But the moment I learned
I didn't have it, I was.

But it was only $ , .
You could have borrowed
that much.

Yes, my partners, I think,
would have stood by me
for the sake of the firm.

But everybody
would have found out.
I'd have been disgraced,

I'd have had to start
all over again.

I went back
to my office.

I don't know
how long I sat there
trying to figure a way out,

thinking of Jessie,

and what it would be like
beginning again at the bottom.

Then my thoughts
took a different turn.

Since I was already a thief,
why not go all the way?

With the rest
of Clinker's money,
I might win back everything.

If I lost...

But a thief never believes
he's going to get caught
or he wouldn't be a thief.

I had been a crook for only
an hour or two, but already
I was thinking like one.

Cash me in.

Boys, we've got company again.

Deal me in.

What are you gonna use
for money?

Six thousand dollars.

Brand new bills.

That's right.

I hope you've kept a record
of the serial numbers, Mason.
I always do.

Just to be safe.

Go ahead, deal.

He was laying it
right on the line.

If I didn't produce
his $ , in the morning,
he'd prove me a thief.

Well, we never had
liked each other.

And he'd jump at the chance
to send me to jail.

I know the type.

Well, we started to play.

There wasn't any of the usual
banter. No one spoke
except to name their bets.

The game went on for hours.

When I'd play recklessly
I'd do pretty good and I'd
begin to win, you know?

And then I'd...

I'd begin thinking
about going to jail,

and I'd pull in
and play conservatively
and I'd lose.

And then it came.

The hand I'd been waiting for.

The hand that would save me.

Pair of tens,
pair of queens
and a king.

Queens bet.

Pair of queens, bet.

Three

and

two is .

No place for an orphan.

Just you and me, Mason.

Five...

Raise you five.

Five hundred.

Last card, gentlemen.

Three tens.

A third lady.
Your bet, Mason.

Three queens, bet.

Three queens bet a thousand.

Thousand and I'll raise you
a five, ten...

Fifteen hundred.

See your raise

and bump you $ , .

For heaven's sake, Mason!

Wait a minute.

You know, of course,
I've got four tens.

I don't know anything
of the kind, Clinker.

I think you're trying
to steal the pot

with three tens
and a fat bankroll.

The way you've been trying
to steal good pots
for the last six months.

You're bluffing, Mason.

I don't think you've got
a queen in the hole.

Are you expressing an opinion,
or making a bet?

Two thousand.

And raise you two.

Table stakes.

That's right.
Mason's all in.

No house rules?

No house rules.

Can you get some more money?

You'll take a check?

Sure. Go ahead.

Don't be a fool, Mason.
You haven't got
that kind of money!

The man knows what he's doing.

He wouldn't be fool enough
to try to pass
a worthless check.

You can go to jail for that.

Don't worry about me.

I'll see your $ ,

and I'll raise you three.

It begins to look as if
you really do have
four queens.

It'll cost you exactly $ ,

to take a look
at my hole card.

It wasn't a queen.

It was a jack.

The jack of spades,
to be exact.

I'd misread my hole card.

I'd been playing it
for a queen,
but it was a jack.

And Clinker had four tens.

Oh, he had them,
all right.

And four tens
beats three queens.

I was ruined.

In moments like that, Tom,
your whole life doesn't
flash by you.

You just stop thinking
altogether.

I'll bet
Clinker was loving it.

I couldn't say.

I sat there with a dead spine
holding up a dead head

and waited for
the crack of doom.

Your bet, Sam.
Three thousand.

No sense throwing good money
after bad.

Looks like
you got them, kid.

Your pot.

I gotta take a look
at that card.

Jack. He was bluffing.

Mason,
you stole that pot!

Shut up!

I'll bet that's not
the first thing
you stole tonight.

You'll never know, Clinker.

I need a drink.
Join me?

No, thanks.

Porter, refill here.

My bluff had worked
because I didn't know
I was bluffing.

I wouldn't have had the nerve
if I had known.

Who would?

The irony of it was that
I got involved by not knowing
in the first place.

Thought I had $ ,
in the bank and I didn't.

I thought I had four queens
and one was a jack.

Two mistakes in the same night
and they canceled
each other out.

You know, for a while,
you know those years
we didn't see each other,

I thought you meant
that you'd...
Prison?

No.

But I don't think going
to prison could have driven
the point home any harder.

I got a reprieve.

And I decided
right then and there
that I'd never gamble again.

And that's why I wouldn't
join you, even in a game
of penny ante.

It's getting kind of late.
I think I'll turn in.

Good night, Tom.

Good night, Mason.

Porter, bring me
one of those, too, will you?

Bet you
for the drinks, Tom.

Not on your life, brother!

I hope you weren't displeased
by the lack of bloodshed
in tonight's story.

It's impossible for us
to stage a m*rder every night.

We're running out of victims.

Of course, we could
replenish our supply

by changing this into an
audience-participation show.

However,
for the present, at least,

I think we'll muddle along
the old way.

That's all for tonight.

Next time I appear,
we shall have another story
to tell you.

And I hope you'll allow us
to come into your living room.

It's terribly stuffy,
closed up in this dusty
television set.

Good night.