02x15 - Crackpot

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Certain parties
have been objecting
to my candid remarks.

So, I'm doing tonight's show
from this sealed chamber.

It's as quiet as a tomb.

Which is not surprising...

Good evening.

...since it was the only type
of structure available
that suited our...

Certain parties
have been objecting
to my candid remarks.

So, I am doing tonight's show
from this sealed chamber.

Which is not surprising.

Are you quite finished?

Here, in a moment,
is tonight's play.

It is entitled "Crackpot. "

Are you quite finished?

Oh, what about
that, huh?

What about what?

You get a honeymoon
once in your life,

and I have to get
a flat tire.

Do you mean me, darling?

No, I'll be...
I'm almost through, here.

You know, they say
you learn a lot about people
watching them under pressure.

I've had a wonderful day
learning about you.

What did you learn about me
that you didn't already know?

That you're very sweet.

You should've learnt
something else, too.

Oh, what?

That I love you very much.

You better finish fixing
that tire, darling.
We still have a long drive.

Yeah.

We better get that sign off,
before we get
into Santa Barbara.

Ray, are you sure
this is the right road?

I think we're lost.

Yeah, I guess

I should have gone
the way we go
every summer with...

I mean, the way
we used to go
every summer with Aunt.

Maybe it was too soon.

Maybe we should have waited.

No.

I'm sure
it's what Aunt Florence
would have wanted.

She never did approve
of mourning.

Besides, I couldn't bear
being without you
any longer.

I couldn't bear it, either.

I only meant
how it might look
to other people.

Because of all the publicity.

I don't think that's going
to come off without
a darn good washing, do you?

Well, let's leave it there.
I kind of like them knowing.

Let's get out of this heat,
can't we, darling?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I mean it.
Let's start our honeymoon.

But let's start it
in Santa Barbara.

Oh!

Hey!

Will you look at that?

I told that kid at the garage
to check my spare.

Wait a minute,
he did check it, didn't he?

And he was the one that
told us about this shortcut.

Well, I guess there's nothing
else to do except to walk
to the nearest station.

It can't be too far
from the main road.

I just hate having to
leave you here.

Oh, I hate it, too.
But you better go.

Only hurry!
Don't worry, I will.

Hey! Here comes a car.

You don't expect a car
to stop for us in the middle
of the country.

Yeah? Well, you just watch.

An old college trick.
It never fails.

Oh, Ray! Stop that!

Hiya!
Trouble?

Yeah, I got a flat.
And my spare's gone down.

Well, now,
I'd say you're really having
your share!

Well, I'd appreciate it if you
drop me off at the nearest
station with the tire.

Do better than that.

Just pull right up here.
Excuse me, ma'am.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I got this whatchamacallit
about a year ago,

works like a charm.

I attach this end
to my spare here

and I take
the other end...

Excuse me.

...and put it on your tire,

here.

Now the pressures balance out.

See?

My spare goes down,
your tire goes up.

Not all the way, of course,
but enough to get you
to the station.

And newlyweds are always
in a hurry.

Excuse me, ma'am.

There's nothing on earth
as exciting
as being newly married.

Well, I guess
you're all set to go now.

Yeah, I want to thank you
very much for everything,
Mr...

Moon.
Oh, that's all right.
Glad to help.

Just hand me that end there.

Yeah.

If it hadn't been for you,
boy, we would...

Oh, I'm so...

Oh, gee, I'm awfully sorry.
That was awfully clumsy of me.

You stupid fool.

I'm very sorry.

Sorry?

Look, I know that...

Look, let me take care
of the damage, will you?

I know a cleaner
could get that thing out.

You think you could pay
for what you did to me?

Look,
I said I was sorry!

I could k*ll you
for what you did.

Look, I said I was sorry.

I said I could settle
this thing up with you.

Yeah.

I could k*ll you.

He's insane.
He's completely insane.

Let's get out of here.
Please!

Yeah, sure.

Darling, I'm sorry, I didn't
know about the convention,
when I wired for the room.

I guess I should have
used Aunt Florence's name.

They don't seem to
recognize mine.

We don't get our rooms here,
we'll go someplace else.

It's not a great tragedy.

Look, I wanted everything
to be just right...
Mr. Loomis?

Yes, sir.

Would you mind stepping into
the manager's office, please?

You want to wait here?

No, no, I'll come, too.

Right this way, sir.

...check with me later.

Good afternoon,
Mrs. Loomis.
Good afternoon.

Mr. Loomis.
I wired you a good week ago
for that suite.

We're here on our honeymoon.

I know.
I'm not the hotel manager.

Sergeant Carpenter.

Detective?
Oh, not more questions!

We picked up a man
in Ventura last night.

His description fits
the one you gave us
of your aunt's m*rder*r.

He had this bracelet with him.
We thought it might be hers.

Yes. Yes, that is it,
isn't it, Ray?

Are you sure, Mrs. Loomis?

I've only seen it
a few times,
but no, I'm not sure!

It's not a bracelet
I'd be inclined to forget.

That sort of jewelry
is worn to parties,
Sergeant.

I was her secretary.

We never met socially.

No, this isn't it.

My aunt's bracelet
had emerald cut diamonds
in it.

No.

This isn't it.

I know, it was just a chance.

We'll keep trying.

We'll catch up to him
one of these days.

Yes? Well, fine.
I'll tell him.

That's the room clerk.
He wants to see you
at the desk.

I'm sorry to have
disturbed you.

Thank you and good-bye.

Your room is ready now,
Mr. Loomis.

I'm sorry
about the mistake.

Your reservation was in order.

That's all right. I guess
you do have your hands full
with the convention.

Oh, others are not so
considerate.

I hope you enjoy your stay
with us.

Thank you.
Luggage.

Show Mr. and Mrs. Loomis
to Suite , please.

This way, please.
Thank you.

You're very welcome.

This is nice.

It's really lovely.

Will there be anything else,
sir?

No, no. That's all.
Thank you.

You'll, uh,

take care of the other boy,
will you?

Thank you, sir.
Right.

You know, I wanted to
carry you over the threshold

but I was afraid
the bellboys wouldn't
have understood.

They might not have approved.

They'd have understood.

Oh!
Sea air smells so fresh
and so clean.

Meg.

Meg, I hope you're
as happy as I am.

I am, darling.

There's only one thing
that can make me any happier.

That's if we had
our own place.

Mmm-hmm.

You still don't want to
go back to the house?

No, I...

I want to sell it.

We can build a new house,
get an apartment,
or maybe just travel.

Darling,
people have d*ed
in hotels, too.

No, it isn't just that.

I've spent too much time
in that house,

I hate it.

I guess that's just
the difference in the way
we're brought up.

All my life I've dreamed
of having an estate like that.

My folks didn't have
much money.

Now, listen,

when we got married,
we said we're going
to forget about the past.

Let's just think
about the future.

You know what
I'm going to do?

No.

I'm going to carry you
over the threshold
like I planned.

We're going to start
this honeymoon off right.

What do you want?

!

Oh, I beg your pardon.
This is the wrong room.

I'm next door in .

Next door?

The valet did a rush job.
And a very excellent one.

May I recommend him
if you have any cleaning,
ma'am?

See?

Not a spot.

I'm... I'm glad.

I only wish you'd let me
pay for the cleaning.

It was an accident.

See you later, ma'am.

That's a switch!

He's a real crackpot!

A little touchy, but...

Oh, but he was nice enough
to help us
when we needed help.

Looks like that takes care
of all of our worries.

I'm going to unpack.

Hey, Meg!
You know...

Hmm?

I think I've seen him
somewhere before.

That is strange, darling.

You don't see many
good Samaritans
floating around these days.

I just can't think where.

Well, if he's here for
the convention, maybe
he's a vet or something

that you took the dog to.

No, it couldn't be that.
I never had a dog.

Do you know
this was a lovely gift,
darling?

It's the first luggage
I've ever owned.

I always had to use
my mother's or my sister's
overnight case.

Oh, darn,
look how mussed
I've gotten everything.

I thought I was
such a good packer.

Oh, well,
I suppose they'll hang out.

Ray.

Hmm?

What?

Darling, if...

If it's all the same with you,

I think I'll go
and get cleaned up.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sure.

I'll wait out here.

All right.

Come in!

Hey, will you stop that?

Hey, stop it, will you?

Stop it, huh?

Hello!

What?

That's right, sir.
Mr. Moon in

complained you were
pounding on his wall.

I was just trying
to get him to stop!

No. No, he's not
hammering now.

Well, I should hope so.

Oh! Oh, it's you.

Sorry to have complained
but I've had
a very long drive.

I've been trying
to take a nap.

Take a nap!
You've been hammering
on the wall.

What is it you want?

What are you trying to do?

Trying to do?

I saw you knocking
a hole in that wall.

A hole in...

Are you out of your mind?

I just saw...

I have a permit
to carry this g*n.

Man has a right
to protect himself.

Now, get out of here
and don't come back.

Yes, but I saw...

Young man,
you need a psychiatrist.

Now any more trouble,

I'll call the police
and have you put away.

Ray!

Ray!

Is that you, darling?

Yes.

Where have you been?

What's wrong?

He's got a g*n.

Who's got a g*n?

Mr. Moon.

Remember he said
he was going to k*ll me?

I was right about him, Meg.
We've got to get out of here.

Darling, I don't know
what you're talking about.

He pulled a g*n on me
when I found out why
he was hammering on the wall.

Hammering on the wall?
Yes.

Remember I said
I thought I saw him
somewhere before?

It was on the night
of my aunt's death.

Do you mean that he's the...

Yes, that's why
he wants to k*ll me.

Now do you understand?
Because I can identify him.

Oh, darling,
if he wanted to k*ll you,

he could've done it
back on the road
when there was no one around,

not wait
until we get into
a crowded hotel.

Yes, but I was just
in his room.
He pulled a g*n on me.

He's knocked a hole
through the wall.

I don't see a hole.

It's almost through the wall.

But why?

I don't know why!

Maybe he wants to spy on me.
Maybe he wants to sh**t me.

Of course, this way he could
sh**t me and he wouldn't even
have to enter the room.

But it wouldn't work,
darling.

They'd find the hole
in the room
where he was registered.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I'm all wrong
about Mr. Moon.

Maybe I never did
see him before.
He could be just a crackpot.

But somehow I feel
it's dangerous for us
to stay here.

Ray.

Ray, darling,
maybe you'd feel better,
if we moved to another suite.

Hello. Room clerk?

Hello,
this is Mr. Loomis in .

I'd like another room.

No, it doesn't matter where.

As long as
it's on a different floor.

But the convention, sir.

Remember the trouble we had
with your present suite?

Right. Thank you.

No.

There's nothing available.
Not even a broom closet.

You know what
we could do, darling?

I was just steaming
some dresses in the bathroom
and as soon as I get them out,

you go in
and take a good hot shower.

Then I'll order a drink
and we'll toast Mr. Moon
as the bad Samaritan.

Oh, please, Meg,
don't make a joke of this.

Oh, let's have some champagne.

I think it's depraved
to drink champagne in
the middle of the day, but...

If you can't be depraved
with your own husband,

what's the use
of being married?

Meg?

Just a second, darling.

Meg, come here, quick!
Listen!

You hear
the clock ticking?

What?

I don't hear anything.

You telling me
I'm hearing things?

Darling, I'm not telling
you anything.

I simply said
that I didn't hear anything.

Go on, Ray.
Go and take your shower.

You think
I'm out of my mind.

Hello, Room Service,
please.

That's what Mr. Moon said.
Go on, darling,
take your shower.

And I'll be ordering
some champagne.

Hello. Hello, Room Service.

This is Mrs. Loomis in .

I'd like to order
a bottle of champagne...
Meg. Meg.

Come here quick,
listen.
Come here.

Just a minute.
I'll call you back.

Come here. Come here.

Oh, it was ticking
just a second ago.

Darling, you're tired.

Let's stop
talking about it...

Oh, please,
don't take that tone with me!

I know what I heard.
I know what I saw!
Don't treat me like a fool!

Just let's not fight.

I've loved you
from the first moment
I ever saw you.

I always wanted to marry you.

Dreamed of this
for a long, long time.

I don't want anything
to spoil it.

I'm sorry, Meg.

Listen.

It's a b*mb!
What?

Sure, the hole in the wall,
the wiring, the clock!

It's a time b*mb!

You don't really
think that's possible?

Yes, I'm sure it is!

We've got to
get out of here!

But surely he wouldn't
blow himself up, just...

Quite right, ma'am.

I have no intention
of being blown up.

I have exactly three minutes.

Time enough to get comfortably
down the back stairs
and out of the building.

But why?

Why should you want
to k*ll us?

Why did he tell you, ma'am?

Because you k*lled my aunt.

Now, why did I do that,
Mr. Loomis?

She caught you at the safe,
you got panicky
and you hit her.

That's an accurate description
of the m*rder.

He's answered
your question, Mrs. Loomis.

But my husband
wasn't able to
identify you.

He spent days
going through
the police files.

You're safe.
Please let us go.

No sense arguing
with him, Meg.

He's insane.
Don't say that!

Don't make me sh**t you.

Well, it's time to go now.

I'll just take the precaution
of locking the door,

so you don't miss
any of the fun.

Ray!

Meg, we got to
get out of here!

Yes, but we must
warn the people in the hotel.

You go ahead.
You go ahead, hurry!

But, Ray...
Please! I've got to
get something. Now, go ahead.

Well.

Very clever!

I'll take that case.

Oh, we searched
all the luggage, but...

Mr. Moon,
if you want the jewelry
take it.

But let me out of here
before that b*mb goes off.

Ray!
Ray, let's get out
of here!

Take it easy, ma'am.

Who are you?

Detective, Pasadena Police.

What does he mean, Ray?

Your husband was in debt,
Mrs. Loomis.

Meant to commit burglary,
ended with m*rder.

Sorry to
involve you in this,
ma'am.

It's the only thing
I could think of
to trap him.

That's pretty stupid.

It'll ruin the whole plan.

Forgot to shut off the alarm.

We wanted to withhold
the end of that story.

But decided it was better
that you learn the truth

about Ray Loomis now
than later.

I knew it, it's the ITA.

It's futile to try to escape.

We shall be back soon
with another play.

Don't you try to escape.

Good night.