03x05 - Arrivederci, Binford

[bunniefuu]

Oh, nice hit!

Yes. Oh, yeah, that'll
be fine. OK, bye-bye.

Tim, you know
what my problem is?

(louder) Tim! You know
what my problem is?

Huh? You know
what my problem is?

You repeat yourself.

No. I am just too nice.

That's what I was gonna say.
Can I watch this fight, please?

No. Here. Wait.

(turns sound down)

Why are you turning the sound
down? I need your help. Here...

What's the point of
listening to the fight

if I can't hear their skulls
being batted around?

You know that woman
- Marilyn Sanders -

who's always raising
money for everything?

Cute blonde with
the really big... eyes?

Those "eyes" are way bigger
than they were six months ago.

Anyway, she talked me into
heading up this library fund-raiser.

I don't have time for this.

I got the job and the boys
and... my inattentive husband.

Huh?

Tim, come on.

Tell you what you do. What?

You call her up
and you lie to her,

tell her you gotta spend all
this time with your husband

'cause he's got a
severe mental problem.

Where's the lie?

What do you think, could
we put the kids in the middle?

Al has just cleaned this window

with Binford's
standard-size squeegee,

perfect for daily jobs.

For the big job, you might want to
turn to Binford's mega squeegee.

This can clean the windshield
of a big rig in one stroke.

And a storefront
in under a minute.

And Al's mother's back
in less than an hour.

Now remember, if it
doesn't say "Binford" on it,

somebody else probably makes it.

(musical flourish)

That brings us to the final
segment here on Tool Time.

When men get done
doing a real hard job,

sometimes we don't look like
we want to, right, Al? No, we don't.

I'm usually hot,
greasy, sweaty...

And bleeding.

But help is on the way.

To give us some grooming
tips from the job site,

we've invited those boys
from Bay City, Michigan, back -

the guys from K&B
Construction Company.

Let's give 'em a big Tool Time
welcome. Come on, everybody.

Timmy!

You all remember Pete and
Dwayne. You got a new member - Gus.

Gus, what'd you do before
you joined up with K&B?

Tim, I spent nine years
teaching th-grade math.

Dwayne spent nine years
taking th-grade math.

Could we? Great.

What kind of grooming
tips you got for us?

Well, Tim, probably the biggest
concern in construction today

is when you've got to go somewhere
really fancy straight from the job site.

That's right, buddy. You
can't show up looking like this

to Vegas Night at the Kiwanis.

So... what's a guy to do?

Well, Tim, we like to use the
tools of our trade to clean up our act.

Let me show you.

Tim, I want you to take a look at
my boot and tell me what you see.

All right. Marv, move in
and let's take a look at this.

Oh. Good golly, Molly.

I see a little bit of concrete
shavings, maybe some tar...

something maybe you should
have wiped off before you came in.

It's not gonna look
like that for long,

'cause all I have to do
is take an ordinary sock,

roll it around my
screwdriver like this,

stick the screwdriver
in my drill... All right.

And voilà, I've got
myself a nifty boot buffer.

(whirring)

Hey, hey!

Now there's a
tip we can all use.

I've always said you can tell a
man by the shine of his shoes.

And by how clean his nails are.

You need a little
work on those nails.

That's why we've got this line of Binford
hand-care products in attractive packaging.

Environmentally sound.

I know they're dirty now, Tim,

but sometimes on the job
site, when you ain't got no water,

you can't get your nails clean.

So before I step
out to the discos,

I take a ten-penny nail,

and I scrunch out
all that filth and crud.

Marv, you wanna
come in for a closeup?

No, let's not do that now. Out of respect
for people who might be having a meal,

we'll forgo that demonstration, but
thanks so much for showing us that.

OK, OK. Anything else
you guys got for us?

Well, Tim, probably the
biggest grooming problem

out on the construction
site is... well, helmet hair.

Oh, yeah, hat head.

Not a real big problem
on your end, is it?

Why don't I just buff
that up to a high gloss?

Tim, I've found that a good,
strong air compressor...

works beautifully to add
bounce to a lifeless hairdo.

You wanna give it a shot?

Right here. All right.

OK, that's better.

That's all the time we have.

Next time we get to more grooming
tips, the guys can come back.

Al, why don't you tell us
what's on the next show?

Next week, we'll be doing
our salute to electrical...

(air hisses) wiring!

That's all the time we have.
Thanks for joining us on Tool Time.

I'm Tim Taylor.
See you next time.

Al. Hi.

Did you hear what
happened? What's that?

Mr. Binford died.

Mr. Binford?

Yeah, he had a heart
attack this morning.

Oh... I can't believe that.

Does Tim know? I don't think so.

Oh, boy, he's
gonna be devastated.

Mr. Binford was
like a father to him.

And don't do that again.

Oh, that was a fun show.
Thanks, guys. A lot of fun.

Brace yourself, Tim.
Something awful has happened.

You saw your mom in the shower?

Mr. Binford died.

How can you play
darts at a time like this?

Because the foosball
table's broken.

Mr. Binford passed away. Don't
you think we should talk about this?

He's dead. Now get outta my way.

I think you need to grieve.

I think you need
to get outta my way.

If you don't wanna talk
about it, I certainly do.

Oh, come on.

Mr. Binford's death was
very traumatic for me.

There was... there was something
left unresolved between us.

Between you and John? Yes.

Last week, I asked if we
could have a hot-water spigot

on the water cooler.

He said he didn't
think it was necessary.

So the next morning, I was
very curt to him when I said hello.

Yeah?

Well, that's it.

Now I have to live with that
for the whole rest of my life.

Boy, that's a
terrible burden, Al.

I know. It's probably nothing

compared to what you
must be going through.

I'm not going through anything.

When was the last time you
spoke with him? Yesterday.

You did? How'd he sound?

Alive!

Did he say anything
about my being curt to him?

Did he say...?

As a matter of fact, that's...
that's all we talked about.

I'm convinced that
that's what k*lled him, Al.

Al, it was a joke. Ooh-ooh.

Al, come on!

Sorry, Tim, but I... I don't
have my usual sense of humor.

And frankly, I find your attempt
at levity a little inappropriate.

What am I gonna
do, cry in my beer?

If you did, I wouldn't
look down on you.

It's not gonna bring
him back. All right?

That's not the point.

You suffered a big loss.

We all did.

Pull it together, will you, Al?

I just... I didn't really
need that spigot!

I just thought maybe
it would be nice

to have some hot
chocolate once in a while.

It devastates him when
they run out of corn nuts.

Oh, good. Guys,
hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

I got flyers I gotta send
out for the library fund-raiser.

I gotta stuff 'em, fold them,
stamp them, address them tonight.

Who wants to
volunteer? Good luck.

See ya. Bye.

Who wants their allowance
this week? I'll help.

So will I. Me too.

I knew I could count on
you boys. There you go.

Looks like Mom's suckered
you guys into helping out.

Uh-huh. You're next. Hi.

So how was your day?

John Binford died.

What? He had a
massive heart attack.

You're not gonna make
us go to the funeral.

There's no way I'm going.

Hey, guys, be quiet for a sec.
When is the funeral gonna be?

Tuesday at noon.

A school day.

Oh... poor Mr. Binford.

Yeah, I really loved him.

Will you guys show
a little respect?

Yeah, please.

Why don't you guys get changed?
Let's go play some basketball at the Y.

Yeah!

Honey, why basketball?

What about John Binford?

I don't think he can
play in his condition.

Tim, don't you wanna
talk about this? Not really.

Well, I'd like to talk about it.

Why don't you call Al?

I don't wanna talk to
Al. I wanna talk to you.

I mean, John Binford
meant a lot to both of us.

He not only gave
you your first job,

he loaned us the
money for this house.

He was the first person there
when all the boys were born.

He was a sweet, wonderful man.

You're not gonna cry, are ya?

Well, yeah, I might.

What is it with everybody
today? You're crying.

Al, today at Big Mike's,
was blubbering like a baby.

Honey, there is nothing
wrong with crying

when somebody close to you dies.

It wasn't just his crying. He
was singing "Oh, Danny Boy."

Dad, we're ready.

All right. Why don't you
guys head out to the car?

You are avoiding your emotions. I
know you've gotta be feeling something.

I'm feeling like playing
a little basketball.

And I wish everybody would
mind their own business about this.

John is dead. He's
gone. End of the line.

Next stop, tool heaven!

Ball.

All right, sodas for the winners

in the biggest basketball
victory in YMCA history.

Huh. Yeah, some victory -

you and Brad
beating me and Mark.

Who you gonna take on
next? Nana and Grandpa?

Forget about it! Nana's way
too tough under the boards.

I think we should take
on Nana and Grandpa.

Good, Mark.

What do you wanna drink?

How about a brewski?

How about a root brewski?

Dad, I was real
proud of you tonight.

Thanks. It wasn't easy driving
to the basket against Mark.

I'm talking about what
happened with Mr. Binford.

I think you've been
taking it like a man.

Well, I don't think
Mom thinks so.

She thinks I should get all
teary-eyed over this thing.

That would be stupid.

It wouldn't be stupid.

Dad, guys don't cry.

Yes, guys cry.

Like when?

If you scratch the paint
on that hot rod, you watch...

Yeah, but you don't cry.
How do you know that?

'Cause you don't
let stuff get to you.

Stuff gets to me.

Well, the great part
is, no one can tell.

(Wilson humming)

(door shuts)

Hey, Wilson. Hi-ho, Tim.

What are you doing?

I'm aerating my lawn with my
new steel-tipped aerator sandals.

Do you ever cry, Wilson?

Anytime I step on my foot
with one of these silly sandals.

Yeah, I can understand that.

No, seriously. Do you ever cry?

Well, Tim, I have been
known to weep on occasion.

Well, I'm not much in
the tears department.

I'm afraid Brad is growing up
thinking that's the way it should be.

And that bothers you?

Kind of, yeah.

Hmm. Does this have
anything to do with Mr. Binford?

How'd you hear about that?

Jill told me she needed
somebody to talk to.

She said you were
out sh**ting hoops.

You know, Wilson,
the trouble is,

Binford and I were
really, really close,

and I seem like I'm the only
person not crying about this.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know. As long as I can
remember, I've been like this.

When my father died, I know I was
real sad, but I don't remember crying.

Well, Tim, maybe
crying isn't your outlet.

The shedding of tears is just
one way that people mourn.

(grunts) Oh? Oh, yes.

In parts of Mexico, the bereaved

decorate the grave
with smiling puppets,

and then they eat
chocolate coffins.

Melts in your mouth,
but not in the ground.

On the Solomon Islands,

they hang the dead
man's arms on his hut.

And in feudal Japan,
when a lord died,

the ronin samurai
would show their loyalty

by disemboweling themselves.

Whew, talk about guts.

Point is, Tim, when you lose
somebody who's close to you,

you have to find a way to mourn.

It's what enables
you to accept the fact

that person is really,

truly... gone.

(grunts) Yeah.

Thanks, Wilson. That was real...

Hey, where have you been?

Well, let's see.

After I ate dinner alone, then I went to
the mailbox and mailed the flyers

which I stuffed, stamped
and addressed myself

because you took the
boys to play basketball.

I should have stuck
around and talked to you.

I would have
preferred that, yeah.

I'm sorry, Jill, but, you know, I
didn't know how to talk about this stuff.

I'm really uncomfortable
with this death thing.

Which is why we have
kids instead of pets,

'cause they last longer.

Honey, I knew that
you were upset about it.

But, you know,
you didn't know why.

John Binford

was the greatest
guy in the world to me.

And you know what the first thing I
thought about when I heard he was dead?

Are they gonna cancel the show?
Am I out of a job? That is so selfish.

I don't think that's selfish.

You were thinking about the
welfare of your family. It's not selfish.

What if I told you I was worried
if the show went off the air,

no one would
recognize me at the mall?

That would be a
selfish thing, yeah.

I just don't know how to
mourn for John Binford.

Is there anything I
can do to help you?

No. I'm pretty sure that people have
to learn how to mourn for themselves.

People mourn in different
cultures in different ways.

In some cultures, they put
chocolate puppets in coffins.

In the Chinoogie
Islands, or someplace,

they actually hang
arms on aluminum siding

as a way to do this.

And Ronny the samurai -

you don't even wanna
know what he does.

I don't know, Tim.
It may take a while,

but I think that you're
gonna find a way to grieve.

You know, I just hope that
you don't cut anything off.

Does everybody
know what time it is?

(all) Tool Time!

That's right. Binford
Tools is proud to present

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

Whoo!

(grunting)

Thank you, Heidi, and
thank you, everybody.

Welcome to Tool Time. I am
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

You all know my assistant -
Al "Cry Me a River" Borland.

Ha-ha-ha.

If I didn't let my
feelings out, Tim,

I would not be the
man I am today.

That's food for
thought, isn't it?

Anyway, today, we're
gonna talk about John Binford.

Founder of Binford Tools.

Uh, John Binford passed
away this Thursday.

And, um... John Binford
was a heck of a guy.

He was the kind of guy you could call
hours a day if anything as bothering you.

He was always there for you.

The kind of guy who would
forgive someone for being curt.

Or Russell or whatever
your name might be.

Uh... John Binford
believed in me

when I was just a tool
salesman many years ago.

He handpicked me to host
what has now become...

Michigan's fourth-highest-rated
cable tool show.

I owe a lot to John Binford. In his honor,
I've made him a special tombstone. Al.

This is outta one piece
of Michigan limestone.

I'm very impressed, Tim.

Thanks, Al.

I chiseled this out of limestone
in the shape of a claw hammer,

which is the first hammer
that Binford designed.

Yes, it was.

John once told me that...

with the right tool,
you can fix anything.

Huh.

Unfortunately, um...

there's no tool that can fix
how I'm feeling right now.

I'm gonna miss you, John.

You know, I think we
should bid John farewell

in the Tool Time fashion -

a little tribute to John Binford

with a Binford
nail-g*n salute.

Do you... think this is
a little dangerous, Tim?

No, wait. Warren, the
protective drop cloth, please.

Have you tried this?

The drop cloths will collect
all the nails. It'll be perfect.

You've tried this?
Hold on, hold on.

(electronic whirring)

Klaus, some music, please.

(♪ Taps)

So long, Johnny.

(chuckling)

Tim, just be careful.

Get the...

Pull the... pull the plug!

(nail g*ns continue firing)

Hey. That's all of
our show today.

I'm Tim "The Tool Man"
Taylor. I gotta get outta here.

Hi, guys. How was the funeral?

It was great. There was
tool reps from everywhere.

All these I remember
from the old days.

You never saw so many
tear-stained beer bellies.

And poor Al, blubbering
about some water spigot?

He was broken up
about that, wasn't he?

Not as broken up as you were.

You cried?

He cried more than the widow.

That's 'cause she didn't
have to pay for parking.

I'm gonna go change.

Dad, I can't believe you cried.

I can't believe I did, either.

I thought I said
goodbye on Tool Time.

Once I started talking with
those guys, it just came out.

But you know what? After I was
crying, I felt like a pathetic old woman.

Remember, if it doesn't
say "Binford" on it...

somebody else's
name is probably there.

(musical flourish)

Stay down! That brings
us to the next segment...

I don't feel so good.