07x08 - Mary Gets a Lawyer

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Good morning, Murray.
Oh, morning, Ted.

- What's new
in the great out there?
- It's a slow news day.

Let's see. Wow.

Thirty-five years ago today, they finished
carving the heads on Mount Rushmore.

What do you mean "carving"?

Are you trying to tell me they
carved their heads up there?

Ted, how else are they
gonna get there? [Laughs]

Mother Nature did it, Murray.

She made Mount Rushmore,
the Grand Canyon and me.

The steep, the
deep and the creep.

Hi. Oh, hi, Mar.

How did the hearing
go? Not terrific, Murr.

The grand jury gave me one last
chance to reveal my news source.

I refused, and I'm gonna
have to stand trial for contempt.

I thought that was settled
when you spent the night in jail.

It's a new grand jury, and apparently they
can cite me for contempt all over again.

Don't worry about it, Mary.
Justice is on your side.

And when you're sitting in that witness
box, stand on your constitutional rights.

Invoke the First Amendment
and, occasionally, flash a little thigh.

[Giggling]

What happened? I'm
gonna have to stand trial.

We're gonna have to get
you a good trial attorney.

Hey, my attorney's a good man.

Trouble is, he's in
a hospital right now.

Yeah. He got run over when an
ambulance suddenly went into reverse.

Listen, Mary. Mary.

There's a guy I have in mind...
Barry Monroe, a poker buddy of mine.

I'm sure I can get
him to take your case.

You'll be in terrific hands.
I've seen him operate.

He can prove that anybody
in the world is innocent.

- Hi, everyone.
- Well, almost anybody.

[Doorbell Rings] Who is it?

It's me. Ah, Mr. Grant.

I just wanted to check
'cause I look so... awful.

Lou, something tells
me we weren't expected.

Huh. You mean the curlers?
Oh, Mary doesn't care about that.

Do you, Mary? [Forced Laugh]

You wanted me to introduce
you to Barry. Here he is.

Mary Richards, Barry Monroe.

How do you...
uh, wet nails... do?

Great. Hurry up. Let's go. Go?

We've got the biggest poker game in
years. Come on. I don't wanna miss it.

Forgive me, Mary. I don't wanna miss
this either. Come to the office tomorrow.

We'll discuss your case. Oh, good,
because we really have to get this settled.

- I can't keep worrying about
whether I'm gonna go to jail.
- Everything's going to be okay.

- It's hard to believe
everything's gonna be okay.
- Look at me.

Everything's going to be okay.

My mother had little violet
flecks in her eyes, just like you.

I don't have violet flecks
in my eyes. Yes, you do.

Doesn't she, Lou? Violet flecks!
Violet flecks! Come on. Let's play poker.

Lou! So we'll miss one
hand. Now, this is important.

We're not gonna be there when
they break the seal on the deck?

- I'm sure they'll
tell us all about it.
- [Groans]

You know what I
can't figure out...

is why they're bringing me
up on contempt charges again.

Last year, the grand jury
said that, as a newsman,

I'm protected by
the First Amendment.

Unless they're planning to claim
that, as a television producer,

you're not a legitimate
newsman. Ah.

There's a similar case going
on in Oregon at this moment.

Mary not a newsman? That's
ridiculous. Excuse me, Mary.

I just realized how
insensitive I was.

Your case is a lot more
important than my game.

So we're just gonna sit here and talk
about your case and forget the game.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I don't
want you to do that.

- You heard her. Let's go.
- Well, wait...

- A couple of minutes.
- Mary, you don't have
anything to worry about.

A television reporter has the same First
Amendment rights as a newspaper reporter.

Oh, good, good, good.

Can you tell me how much this will
cost? I'm gonna set an unusual fee.

Four dinner dates
and a lunch. No, really.

I'm being half-serious.

No, I would really feel
much more comfortable

if you would tell me
your ordinary fee.

Seventy-five dollars an hour.

I know a wonderful
little restaurant.

Mary, I wanted...
Why, you're not Mary.

What gave you your first clue?

Oh. Mary's not a hunk.

Can I help you with something?

No. I've just been waiting for
Mary. I wanted to leave her a note.

"I've been looking
through my briefs, and

it's important we talk
as soon as possible."

I certainly hope
you're a lawyer.

Yes, I am. I'm Barry
Monroe. I'm defending Mary.

I'm Sue Ann Nivens,
Mary's dearest friend.

So, you're the handsome attorney Mary's
been seeing so much of these past weeks.

We've been working
pretty hard on the case.

Ms. Nivens, I've been
wanting to talk to you.

We need an extra character
witness at the trial. Wonderful.

I'd be more than happy to tell the
court what a really fine person Mary is.

Warm, sincere,
industrious, punctual.

Oh, sometimes I wish I
could be more like her.

But, no, I'm stuck with being...

wildly unpredictable,
passionate...

and just about the best time a
fella can have in the Twin Cities.

I'll call you if I need you.

And vice versa.

Hi, Ted. [Muttering] Hiya, Hiya.

Say, Barry. We must have
some lunch some time.

Why?

Because if there's one thing I enjoy,
it's a good conversation about law.

I once thought of going to law
school. What prevented you?

High school.

That's nothing to
kid about, Murray.

If there's one thing we should have
respect for in this country, it's the law.

It's the foundation
of everything we do.

Excuse me. [Murray]
Yeah. Can I help you?

Does anybody know where
I can find Ted Baxter? Yeah!

- I've got a subpoena for him.
- I'll see if I can find him.

Hey, that's Ted Baxter!

Uh, you're calling
Ted as a witness?

No, the prosecution
must be calling him...

to have Ted explain how
the newsroom functions.

Ted couldn't explain how
a men's room functions.

Hi, Barry. Oh, Lou. Can
I talk to you a moment?

Sure. Come on in.

So how's the case going?

I think we've got a
pretty strong case, but

that's not what I came
to talk to you about.

Lou, you know I've been spending a lot
of time with Mary these past few weeks.

You know, going over her
transcripts, checking the case.

Smelling her neck.

Aren't you gonna say
anything? No. Why?

Everyone smells Mary's
neck sooner or later.

Lou, I think you know me well
enough to take this seriously...

when I say that
I think I love her.

[Chuckling]

You're not taking this
as seriously as I'd hoped.

Ah, it's just so
predictable, Barry.

Guys come in here, and guys
fall in love with Mary all the time.

And sometimes
they break her heart.

Sometimes she
breaks their hearts.

And in the end, what
are they left with?

Probably a perfumed note
in that precise handwriting.

"Dear Tom, d*ck or Harry,

"You're a wonderful person, and
you've been very special to me,

"but the chemistry just
isn't right between us.

I hope you'll understand. I shall always
treasure our friendship. Love, Mary."

But I'm not any Tom,
d*ck or Harry, Lou.

Mary is somebody I
might want to marry.

Ooh, hoo, hoo. Sit down.

So, you wanna marry our Mary.

Mind if I ask you a
few questions? What?

- How's your health?
- My health is fine.

- You drink?
- I probably drink
as much as you do.

Oh, my God.

What are your
prospects? My prospects?

What are you asking me these
questions for? You're not her father.

Sit down! Yes, sir.

- What are you doing?
- Some guy wants to slap me
with a subpoena.

I don't care if he wants to slap you
with a flounder. Get out of my office!

Ted, they're going to
find you sooner or later.

Save the time and energy
and accept the subpoena.

They're not gonna
get me, sawbones.

"Sawbones" is a doctor.

Oh. What'd I mean?

Shyster.

Thanks. They're not
gonna get me, shyster.

Well, Lou? What do you think...

About Mary and me?

Well, I approve.

Oh, Lou.

I'm gonna go over there
and tell her how I feel tonight.

I just hope that she feels
a little bit the same way,

because if she
doesn't, it will k*ll me.

Aw, come on. Don't talk
like that. It won't k*ll you.

It would. Maybe
it would hurt you.

k*ll.

Uh, you know, Barry,

that kind of proves
something I've always thought.

Love stinks.

Lou, quick. You better
turn on the monitor.

This is Nigel Reed,
substituting for Ted Baxter,

who's on religious retreat.

Washington.

Hi. I got something for
you. Let's make it fast.

What is it? Those letters
you need at the trial...

from people at WJM saying
how great you do your job.

Oh, thanks. Three?

See you tomorrow.
Mr. Grant, what's your hurry?

You never know. Somebody might
drop in, and I shouldn't be here.

Hey, you never let
that worry you before.

Well, maybe I'd better
start worrying about it.

Mr. Grant, how
about a little drink?

Come on. Maybe a quick one.

Quick! Quick! A little faster.
This is as fast as I walk.

- No time for ice cubes.
- You have time for a glass?

All right. Let's not be sarcastic.
Of course I want a glass.

A drink should be
a sociable occasion.

Thank you, Mary.
See you in court.

Mr. Grant, you're not going anywhere
till you tell me what this is all about.

All right. Maybe I should
talk to you about it...

'cause if you had
a friend, and...

Can I get some
ice? Okay, Mr. Grant.

If... If you had a friend...

who was about to
cross a minefield,

wouldn't you go out in
front of him with a stick...

to make sure there
was a safe path?

All right, Mr. Grant. I like to
think I'm the kind of person...

who would not let a friend
go out into a minefield...

without first going
out with a stick.

Me too.

Um, how do you feel about Barry?

I like him. I think he's
a very bright lawyer.

Old Barry got past
mine number one.

Uh, do you like him a
lot? Yeah, I guess so.

Number two mine clear.

Uh, do you love
him? [Laughing] No!

Boom!

What was that? Maybe
I'd better stop being subtle.

Barry's crazy about you. Oh, no.

Aw, come on, Mary. You're
acting like you don't know?

The way you've
been leading him on,

answering the door
with your hair in curlers?

You did everything but wear eight-inch
heels, lean against a lamppost...

and say, "Hi, sailor."

Mr. Grant, you know
I go on trial tomorrow,

and I'm sure, in some way,

you think you're being helpful to someone
somewhere, but not here and not me.

You... You really
don't love him, huh?

No.

I feel terrible. Why?

'Cause I gave him your hand.

[Shouts] You did what?

He's gonna be coming
here any minute to collect.

What makes you so sure
he's coming here any minute?

[Doorbell Rings]

You're right. Maybe he's not.

Please, I don't wanna have this kind
of conversation tonight, before my trial.

Not with my lawyer.
Please, do something!

Yeah. Yeah. I'll head him off.

You go into your bedroom. I'll
take care of it. Haven't I always?

No!

Hi, Barry. Oh, thanks.

- Where's Mary?
- She's tired. She's sleeping.

- What are you doing here?
- That's a good question.

What am I doing here?

Uh, look... look, Barry.

I'm not comfortable
lying to a friend.

I did something tonight
that's probably pretty stupid.

I hope everything
works out okay.

I got into a
conversation with Mary,

and I ended up telling
her how you felt about her.

And? And she told me
how she felt about you.

- And?
- And I know you're
gonna take this great.

Come on, Lou. Look,
I'm not a kid. Just tell me.

She doesn't love you.

I've heard that before.

[Chuckles] I'll hear it again.

Hey, come on.

You don't want her anyway.
She's a real fussbudget.

Precise about everything.
It'd drive you nuts.

She... She belongs with a
guy who has every hair in place,

a guy who gets a
manicure once a week.

Good Lord. You're
perfect for each other.

You know, it's funny. I...

I was so nervous.

I never imagined that it
would hit me this hard.

You're gonna be over
this before you know it.

You gotta pull yourself together.
Remember, you got a big case tomorrow.

I can't pull myself
together, Lou. Huh?

There comes a time when
you just gotta let yourself go.

Oh, yeah, but...

I'll worry about picking
up the pieces later.

Uh, what do you mean?

I'm gonna tie one on.

- I don't care
about anything anymore.
- Bar-Barry, listen...

Barry, you... Uh...

Oh, boy.

You can come out now.

Well? How'd it go,
Mr. Grant? Boom?

Uh-uh.

[Shouting] Boom!

Mr. Grant, it's almost
9:00. Where's Barry?

Relax, Mary.

It's... It's an old
defense lawyer's trick.

Come into the courtroom
at the last minute.

Shows the prosecution
how confident he is.

Oh. Uh...

Hello, honey
bunny. You're drunk!

I am not drunk!

I have been drinking coffee
ever since the bars closed.

As long as I don't have
to spend too much time...

on my feet, no one
will be the wiser.

Barry! You gotta
pull yourself together!

Mary could get
sent to jail for years!

I don't care. I'll wait for her.

All rise.

Wonderful. This state
appellate court is now in session.

The Honorable William
Benton presiding.

Please be seated.

Your Honor, I'd like to discuss a
point of procedure before we begin.

- May I approach the bench?
- You may, counselor.

- Mr. Monroe, would you
like to join us?
- Kiss me good-bye.

I will not!

Listen. It's gonna
be okay. Don't worry.

Mr. Grant, I'm gonna try
very hard not to lose my head.

You promised me a great
lawyer, and you got me Barry.

I don't remember
even saying thank you,

but now Clarence Darrow is
standing up there blowing kisses at me,

and I could go to prison!

What can I say? I owe you one.

The prosecution may
call its first witness.

Prosecution calls Ted Baxter.

[Ted] Yo.

Please repeat after me. That won't
be necessary. I know it by heart.

I, Ted Baxter, do
solemnly swear...

to tell the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, so help me God.

I was up all night
going over it.

Very commendable.
You may be seated.

I guess applause isn't allowed.

Mr. Baxter, you are
employed at WJM-TV.

What is the nature of your job?

I'm the best anchorman
in the United States.

And in your opinion, would you say
that Ms. Richards's qualifications...

were comparable to those
of a newsman like yourself?

I would.

In every way, she's every bit qualified as
any newsman I've ever known in my life.

Mr. Baxter, do you know
the penalty for perjury?

Okay, okay.

Maybe not the best anchorman
in the whole United States.

I mean, specifically, what news
functions does Ms. Richards perform?

Oh. I don't know.

They just get together
and get the news...

and give it to me, and I
get up there and read it.

Mr. Baxter, what exactly does
Ms. Richards do as a producer?

I don't know.

Let me put it this way.

Is it part of her function to go
out and seek out news stories?

I don't know.

Mr. Jenkins, would you
please tell the court...

the purpose of this
line of questioning.

Certainly, Your Honor.

I intend to prove that Mary
Richards is not a bona fide newsman...

and therefore not entitled to
First Amendment protection.

Well, Mr. Jenkins, if
that's your line of argument,

perhaps you'd like to request that
I disqualify myself from this case.

In the last five years, I've seen
Ms. Richards and her camera crew...

in the halls of this
courthouse many times.

In fact, she once supervised
an interview with me.

In my mind, there's no question
but that's she's a newsman...

and, indeed, one of
the most competent...

and, uh, charming
newsmen I've ever met.

Have you been seeing
him behind my back?

However, Mr. Jenkins,
I should also tell you...

that in the event that this trial
does proceed with a new judge,

I shall feel compelled to offer myself
as a witness in Ms. Richards's behalf.

In view of the information Your
Honor has just brought before the court,

the prosecution, acting
in what it believes...

to be the best interest
of all parties concerned,

moves for dismissal.

- Motion granted. Case dismissed.
- All rise.

See? I told you Barry
would get you off.

Defense calls its first witness.

It's okay, Bar... Barry! We won.

Oh, what was the score?

Oh, the trial. Even better.

Mary. Listen, I'm
sorry for everything.

Can you forgive
me? Probably not.

And if you ever want a lawyer...

If you ever rob a
bank or k*ll somebody...

I'd be proud to represent you.

Thanks.

See you at the office.
Congratulations.

You did it again. You're
the smartest lawyer I know.

I didn't open my
mouth. That's smart.

Uh, Mr. Monroe. Uh, yes.

The lady told me
to give you this.

Uh-huh, here it comes.
A perfumed letter, right?

[Sniffs] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You're a wonderful guy,

but the chemistry isn't right.

She'll always treasure
your friendship. Correct?

"Dear Barry,

"I didn't want to tell you
this till the trial was over,

"but I find you
terribly attractive,

"and I must have
you before nightfall...

"or else I'll explode.

Sue Ann Nivens."

leaving one fireman on the scene to
remark, "Who needs 17 rooms anyway?"

Today's a happy day at WJM.

The producer of the Six
O'Clock News, Mary Richards,

was acquitted of contempt
charges by the state appellate court.

It was the impassioned
testimony of yours truly...

that convinced the court that Ms. Richards
was entitled under the First Amendment...

to not divulge her
sources of information.

Glad to be of help, Mary.

Well, that's the
news for this evening.

Before I say good night, I'd like to
thank Nigel Reed for filling in for me...

while I was on
religious retreat.

God bless you, Nigel.

I can't believe it! Ted's
taking credit for my acquittal.

I could just b*at his brains in!

Oh, forget it, Mary. By the time
you found them, you'd be an old lady.

Hey, pretty good show, huh?

On a scale of one to 10,
I'd say that was a B-plus.

Ted, how dare you take
credit for my acquittal?

Hey, listen, Mary. I
was the only witness.

When the judge heard what I
had to say, he threw the case out.

Mary, let's face it. I
saved your bacon. Ted.

You almost got
me sent to prison.

When they asked you what I
did, you told them you didn't know.

Of course I told
them I didn't know.

You didn't want me to tell 'em what
you really do around here. Do you?

- What do you think
I do around here?
- [Laughing]

Well, you come in, you hang
up your coat, you talk to Murray.

You go in there, discuss
your problems with Lou.

And you wear a lot of different
clothes, and you have a lot of big parties.

You wouldn't want me to
tell them that, would you?

You really don't know what
I do around here, do you?

Let me tell you what I do. I send out the
film crew. I make the news assignments.

I work out the
rundown for the show.

I hire people. I fire people.

I am responsible for
everyone else's activities,

and I am responsible for
every facet of this production.

Gee. And I always thought it
was my fault the show stunk.

[Mews]