04x10 - Tea Time

[bunniefuu]

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

No, this is not a
production of Hamlet:

I'm indulging
in a hobby.

Archeology.

I've unearthed
the grave of a man

who lived thousands
of years ago.

Obviously, we've changed
somewhat since then.

This man was buried
with all his possessions.

His cattle,
his two wives,

and several of these.

However, instead of wearing
them in his nose and ears,

as any civilized
person would,

he wore this
around his middle.

Each of his wives
had one around her.

As nearly as
we can judge,

they all d*ed
of exhaustion.

This man shrewdly combined
the eternal triangle

and the family circle.

For details of how
a more modern man

coped with the situation,

I refer you
to tonight's chronicle.

May I help you,
madam?

Mrs. Teleton?

I'm Blanche Herbert.
How do you do?

How do you do,
Miss Herbert?

I'm glad you
could come.

Thank you.

I suppose you think it odd
my asking you to meet me here.

Oh, I feel I know
you, Miss Herbert.

Let me spare you the
trouble of a confession.

I've known all about you
and Oliver since he met you.

I know how often you
see each other and where.

Does that clear the air
for you, so to speak?

Oh, waiter?

Yes, madam.

Would you like
a cocktail?

I'd prefer tea.
Then, we'll have tea.

And cakes, madam? Yes.

Oh, bring some of those
nice, little macaroon things.

I must admit,
Miss Herbert,

you're something of
a surprise to me.

Oh, in what way?

Well, I've always
imagined Oliver

taking up with
someone younger,

or someone a bit fluffier,
if you know what I mean.

Oliver's tastes don't
seem to run to young girls.

What I can't
understand is

why you should
want to talk to me?

Oliver is in love
with me, Mrs. Teleton.

I imagine there must be some
reason why he goes on seeing you.

Mrs. Teleton,

neither Oliver nor I
have any desire to hurt you.

We didn't mean to fall
in love, it just happened.

Bigger than both of you,
isn't that what they say?

Anything else, madam?
Nothing, thanks.

You have to admit
that you and Oliver

haven't had a real
marriage for some time now.

I don't have to
admit anything.

If your marriage
were a good one,

if there were
still love in it,

I simply wouldn't
exist for Oliver.

Uh, cream
or lemon?

Nothing.

You surely can't want
to hold on to a man

who no longer
loves you?

Have you finished
stating your case?

The divorce would be
handled very quietly,

and Oliver and I would wait
for a respectable length of time

before marrying, so as to
avoid any embarrassment to you.

I suppose I should be
touched by your concern.

You don't want to hurt me or
cause me any embarrassment,

you just want
my husband.

Because I love him,
and you don't.

And he loves me.

You should really try one of
these macaroons. They're delicious.

Do you know,
Miss Herbert,

I'm frankly shocked at Oliver's
indiscretion. Frankly shocked.

I wonder if
you really are.

I have a feeling that you've
been honest with me, Miss Herbert.

Oh, now, let me
return the compliment.

Your friendship with Oliver
is your affair, and his.

I have no
objection to it.

If you want to accept
presents from him,

even to the extent of
a small establishment,

or to be blunt, room, board
and enough to get by on,

I don't mind.

Perhaps that
surprises you.

No, somehow
it doesn't.

But just don't get
greedy, Miss Herbert.

You see, I have no intention
of divorcing Oliver,

or allowing him
to obtain a divorce.

I do hope I've
made myself clear.

But why? Why would you
refuse him a divorce?

You don't love him.

I'm fond of him.

I shall always
be his wife.

Ours may not be a
real marriage to you,

I can assure you, it
is real enough for me.

You're not thinking
of him at all, are you?

You have no idea what
Oliver means to me.

Oh, waiter.
Yes, madam.

May I have the check, please?

Oh, Mrs. Teleton,
you were to be my guest.

Oh, no, no, no. It's a
pleasure, I assure you.

Thank you.
Thank you, madam.

Well,
Miss Herbert,

I've so enjoyed
meeting you.

You won't reconsider?

Absolutely not. There
is nothing to reconsider.

It's a pity you
have to rush off

when there's so much
we might have discussed.

For instance,
Robert Cressant.

I believe
you know him.

Oh, but I mustn't
detain you.

Miss Herbert.
Miss Herbert.

You know
Robert Cressant?

The name is
familiar, is it?

Oh, but I expect you've
told Oliver all about him.

Told him? But, in
what connection?

Perhaps Oliver might be
interested in your letter to him.

But I don't
recall a letter.

Oh, I recall it very
well. You see, I have it.

Miss Herbert,
couldn't we talk?

You know, of course,
that I broke with Robert

long before
I was married.

Oh, Oliver knew
about him, certainly.

And after you
were married?

Oh, you're surely
not suggesting

I was foolish enough
to go on seeing him.

Oh, please! It went on for
months after your marriage.

For months!
That's not true!

Did Robert tell you this?
If he did, he was lying!

You told me,
in this letter.

You wrote it to Robert
Cressant the day before

you announced your
engagement to Oliver.

Madam?

I'd like a scotch,
please. Yes.

Make it two.
Certainly, madam.

Just to refresh
your memory,

"My darling.

"I'm sure you understand that no
matter how much we love each other,

"the chances of our being
able to marry are very remote.

"I need to be
Oliver's wife.

"I don't love him,
I love you, Robert.

"But I desperately need all
the things Oliver can give me.

"Darling, my marriage needn't
change anything for us.

"We'll go on seeing each
other just the same. "

Stop it!

Oh, but there's lots
more, Mrs. Teleton!

I don't want
to hear it!

Well, it does get a bit
repetitious from here on.

I believe I counted
four separate places

where you say that you don't love
Oliver, but you do love Robert.

How did you
get this letter?

Do you know
Robert?

Cheers!

I assume that Oliver
hasn't seen the letter.

Would you like
him to see it?

Now, why are you
doing all this?

Why did you bother to
ask me for anything?

You've had the
letter all along.

Why didn't you just
show it to Oliver

and let him
divorce me?

I wanted to
give you a chance.

A chance?

If I give the
letter to Oliver,

you won't get a
cent and you know it.

But, if you go
home to Oliver

and tell him that you
value his happiness

enough to set him free, I'm
sure he'll provide for you.

And what does
that mean?

I thought you put it
very well a while ago.

"Room, board and
enough to get by on. "

Well, you answered
my question.

You're trying to
blackmail me.

I should like
a little time.

Oh, just to think. I
suppose I'm entitled to that.

Let's say a day.
Twenty-four hours.

That's a lot of
time to think.

I'm giving you
my phone number.

I'll expect to
hear from you.

Oh. This is on me.

Well, I've so enjoyed
our little chat. Goodbye.

Is that you, dear?

Yes.

Did you have
a nice time?

Oh, yes, but
I'm a bit tired.

I'm sorry.
Oh, it's nothing.

Can I get
you a drink?

What a good idea.

Darling.

Do you know, it's a long time
since we took a trip together?

Hmm, well over
a year, I guess.

I passed our travel
agents this afternoon.

They had cruise
pictures in the window

that looked
very inviting.

They're supposed
to, my dear.

They tempted the
Reynolds, you know.

Dave and Marian
are leaving next week.

Say, you could
join them.

I know they'd
love to have you.

No. I couldn't go
without you.

Please.

I'm afraid I really can't
get away this time of year.

Or we could go
to Hawaii again?

That was our first
cruise together, remember?

I'm hardly likely to
forget our honeymoon.

Anyhow, it's quite out of
the question for me right now.

Why don't you go,
my dear?

They'd love
to have you.

No. Not without you.

Well, you probably want to
spend a quiet evening at home.

I'll go on down to the club
for a few hands of bridge,

if you're sure
you won't need me.

No, I won't
need you.

You get a good rest now.

Good night, dear.

Good morning, dear.

Have you lost
something, dear? Hello.

It's not like you
to misplace anything.

I didn't hear you
come down.

Here we are.

How do you
feel this morning?

Oh, oh,
much better,

but I didn't
sleep very well.

Oh, here's
your hat.

I hope I didn't disturb
you when I came in.

Oh, no, you
were very quiet.

Would you like me to call
the doctor before I go?

Oh, oh, heavens no. I'll be
all right by this evening.

Well, phone me at the
office if you need anything.

All right.

Take care of yourself. I will.

Hello? Oh, yes.
Miss Herbert?

It's Iris Teleton.

Yes, I've been
thinking.

Well, I wondered if I could
come and see you this afternoon?

Yes. I've found
a solution, I think.

Something that
might interest you.

No.

I prefer to come to your apartment.
I don't want Oliver to know.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, I have it here.

All right, then.
About : .

Goodbye.

You're very punctual.
Won't you come in?

Thank you.

I must congratulate you on
your taste, Miss Herbert.

Your furnishings
are exquisite.

Do you mind?

Well, this is charming.

And you're surprised?

A little.

Well, but then you're full
of surprises, aren't you?

As a matter of fact,
it wasn't my taste.

It was...

It was Oliver's!

He picked out all the
furniture in this room.

That's the dining room.

In fact, he chose
everything in the apartment.

This is what he really
likes, Mrs. Teleton.

I don't believe you know
Oliver very well at all.

Well, I don't see that,
that matters very much now.

Oh, indeed it
does matter.

For one thing, it makes
me feel less guilty.

You're really to blame for
the way things have turned out.

The moment you
felt sure of Oliver,

you stopped
playing the game.

It was rather
a serious mistake.

Well, I'm sure you'll play the
game much more cleverly than I have.

That won't be hard,
Mrs. Teleton.

On the phone, you said
you had found a solution?

Yes.

Something I thought
might interest you.

Oliver interests me.

In fact, that's the
only solution that does.

Quite.

I assume that you
still have my letter?

Right here.

I should
like to buy it.

Why, Mrs. Teleton, I
don't believe you trust me.

I don't trust anyone.

I know what's
crossing your mind.

You think I might show Oliver
the letter after we're married,

and then he'd have any settlement
he'd made on you set aside.

Well, yes, that had
crossed my mind.

Oh, I'm sure of your
devotion to Oliver.

Still, don't you
sometimes find that

money is a stimulus
to passion?

You know that letter would
cost you a great deal of money.

I thought it might.

That's why I
wondered if these...

...might interest you.

Why, that center emerald alone
has to be at least carats.

.

Look at
its depth.

The other stones
aren't exactly chips.

The entire weight
must be about carats.

Yes.

You'd get $ ,
for it, at least.

Perhaps.

These others won't
bring as much, of course.

Probably $ ,
apiece.

Any good jeweler
would give you .

$ , . It's quite a
good price for one letter.

But not quite
good enough.

$ , would be
even better.

You may have
the other half

when you pay the
rest of the money.

And how do I know you won't
raise the price to $ , ?

How do I know you'll go
through with the divorce

once you get the
rest of the letter?

You know, we're very
much alike, you and...

Mrs. Teleton,
you wouldn't?

No, I wouldn't.

But Oliver would,
and this is his g*n.

You had a lover's quarrel,
you and Oliver.

He threatened to leave you and
you made such a dreadful scene,

he had to sh**t you!

No, listen.

No. No, listen.

You mustn't.
You don't...

Yes? Oh, it's you,
Harper. How did it go?

She actually went
to Blanche's flat, eh?

Got there about four.
When did she leave?

A short time
ago, eh?

Of course, she went
to get the letter.

You don't think I was fool enough
to give Blanche the original, do you?

Of course not,
just a copy.

The one she wrote Cressant
is here in my safe.

Well, fine, Harper,
you did a good job.

Send your bill along
any time. Right. Goodbye.

That was the
detective I hired.

I'm so glad I didn't have to
involve you in all this, darling.

I didn't want your name
to be brought into it.

It was quite
different with Blanche.

I never could
have married her.

She knows it now.

I never really
trusted her.

All she ever wanted
from me was money.

Well, in any case, she was
well paid for this little job.

You're the one I'm
going to marry, darling,

just as soon as
I get the divorce.

Hurry along, now.

You promised to
cook my dinner tonight.

Hello.

I've just been informed
that this relic,

which I unearthed,
was not a decoration

or part of a
double-ring ceremony,

but was a
means of sport.

The participant put it around
his body in this manner.

It doesn't seem to be
my size, but no matter.

You then rotate
the hips.

Watch closely.
I shall demonstrate.

I hope you
were watching.

I did quite well.

You will admire
your ancestors more

when you learn that they
made these out of stone.

These hoops not only
took off weight,

but made
formidable weapons.

That's quite enough
hoopla for one evening.

I hope you will
join us next week.

Good night.