08x10 - Thanks, but No Thanks

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Mr. Taylor.

How are you enjoying
sleeping in Harry's back room?

No windows, no air, no heat...

No charge. No complaints.

You know, that's where I sleep

when I tell Dolores
I'm visiting my sister.

I didn't know you had a sister.

I don't.

I won't be staying long.

I just need a little time to
put some things together,

then, I'm back on my feet.

(VEHICLE PULLING UP)

Oh, man. It's my brother.

Hey, remember, not a word to
him about me staying back there.

Why do you guys always
act like I'm a moron?

I'll explain later when I
have time to talk really slow.

Good morning, guys. Hey, Marty.

Hey, Tim. Can't talk.
New job. Gotta go!

Call me later!

What's his new job?

He's working down at Stu's
Fish Market deveining shrimp.

Why's his hair all wet?

Uh, sometimes they fight back.

No, no, no.

He's helping me test out some of
those new high-powered shower heads.

The Binford .

(GRUNTING) Oh, yeah,
yeah. It's a great thing.

You switch it over to pulse, it'll
blow the hair right off your legs.

Oh, by the way, Harry, when do
you want me for Thanksgiving?

I don't want you at all, but if you
have to be there, be there at : .

Great. I'll bum
a ride with Marty.

Marty? Marty's taking his family
to your house for Thanksgiving?

No, just Marty.

Dolores frightens the children.

Wait a minute. Our family always
spends Thanksgiving together.

Now Marty's going to your
house for Thanksgiving.

He's taking a shower
in the hardware store.

Guys, what's up?

I'm not at liberty to say.

There's a donut in it for you.

Marty and Nancy split up and
Marty's sleeping at the store.

I knew they were having trouble,
but how did it come to this?

Well, in my view, Nancy projected
repressed paternal conflicts

onto the relationship,

while Marty was still
grappling with intimacy issues.

You watch too much Oprah.

Why is he telling Benny
this stuff and not me?

Because Marty feels
like he's hit rock bottom.

Then, when he sees Benny,

he remembers what rock
bottom really looks like.

Hi. Hi.

Sending a Thanksgiving
meal to Randy in Costa Rica.

He can run, but
he just can't hide.

I didn't cook it, I bought it.

Well, then, he really has
something to be thankful for.

Very funny.

How was your day?

Not so good.

Did you know that Marty is
sleeping at the hardware store?

So you're jealous
Harry didn't ask you first?

I'm serious. He and
Nancy have split up.

Oh, no. What did he say?

I had to learn this from Benny.

Why wouldn't Marty bring
this information to me?

Well, he's afraid you're
gonna criticize him.

Remember the last time when
Marty and Nancy were fighting?

I was totally supportive.

You called him a gutless loser.

In a very supportive way.

Honey, if you want to help your
brother, you're gonna have to realize

this is gonna be a
very tough time for him.

You have to bend over backwards.

You have to be supportive.

You have to be non-judgmental.

I gotta be supportive
and non-judgmental,

but he gets to stay in a hardware
store. Where's the justice in that?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh.

Hey, Tim. Hey, Marty.

Glad you're open.

Now I don't have to go downtown
to score that bag of wood screws.

Yeah.

Uh...

Harry's been looking for a
night watchman, you know?

And, I mean, I'm just
kind of giving him a hand.

Intimidating uniform.

You should've seen me
before I put the shorts on.

I know about you and Nancy.

Benny sold you out.

Free sandwich?

Fresh donut.

Is there any way you
guys can work this out?

Uh, I don't think so.

You know, we went into
counseling to try to fix the marriage,

but, well, we both realized we
were just looking for a way out.

This is gonna be really
hard on you and the kids.

Marriage hasn't
worked for a long time.

She thought I didn't
make enough money.

She said I wasn't
ambitious enough.

Come on, Marty.
That's ridiculous.

I know.

I mean, I think I do pretty
good for myself. Don't you?

Yeah.

Well, you're young, you're
smart, you're talented, you're...

Eating peanut butter
with a putty Kn*fe.

But you got great legs.

Have you had a chance
to talk to the girls?

Oh, a little bit, you know.

I mean, Nancy
gets them one week.

I'm supposed to
get them the next.

Obviously, I can't bring them
here. Why didn't you just call me?

You could've stayed at my place.

No. I didn't want to impose.

You're not imposing.
You're family.

You know, with Randy out of
the country, we got a spare room.

I mean, you could
stay there right now.

That'd be great.

Yeah, and when you get the
girls, they can stay there, too.

Really? Yeah.

You think Jill will
be okay with it?

Yeah, sure.

There's nothing more
important to Jill than family.

And we want you to spend
Thanksgiving with us at Mom's.

But you've got to
put some pants on.

You guys are the best.

Well, I'll meet you at
my house. Thanks, man.

You bet.

Ah, but it must be great spending
the night with all these tools, huh?

Waking up with the
fresh smell of solvents.

(SIGHS) A rack of ball cocks.

But why dream, you know?
Jill's never gonna toss me out.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hi.

Oh, that smells great.

Well, thank you.

Well, I'll have you know, I, uh,
talked to Marty. I was very supportive.

I told him we'd do anything
we could to help him.

I knew you had it in you.

You'd be real proud of me.

I reminded him that he's family

and he might as well
just stay at our house.

You told Marty that
he could live here?

With us?

Well, just until he gets steady
work and gets back on his feet.

When was the last time
Uncle Marty had a steady job?

I don't even think
we were born yet.

Hey, hey. He's got a great job
now. He's gonna be huge in shrimp.

I don't think it's a big problem
to have another person here.

He could sleep in Randy's room.

Well, actually, it might be
better if he stayed in Brad's room.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Wait, wait. My room?

Well, because the girls would
like to be close to their father

and they'd have to
stay in Mark's room.

My room?

The girls?

Well, he gets the
girls every other week,

so I said that they
could stay here, too.

Okay. Where am I
supposed to sleep?

Randy's room.

And where am I
supposed to sleep?

Randy's room.

Wait, wait, wait. Don't
we get any say in this?

Brad, Marty is family.

When family's in trouble,
we gotta pull together.

Dad, I'm family. Okay?

And I don't like the thought of
sleeping in a room with Mark.

You think you got it
bad, I gotta stay with you.

Yeah.

Guys, look, just let me talk to
your dad for a minute, okay?

Yeah, this really sucks.

Don't talk to your
father like that.

This really sucks!

You know, I love those
girls and I love Marty,

but how could you
invite three people

to live here without
even talking to me?

Without talking to the boys?

I couldn't help it.
It just happened.

You said, "Bend over backwards."

Well, if I bend over
any further backwards,

I'm gonna be staring
myself in the butt.

I was just trying
to be sensitive.

Well, you have to be sensitive to
us, too. This is an enormous change.

Three people moving in with us,

turning our lives upside down.

We can handle this. No, "We"?

When it comes to handling
things like this, "we" means "me."

Honey, that's just
with our children.

I can't agree to this until
we work out the details.

I've worked out all the details.

Really? Really?

Okay, who is gonna watch
those girls when Marty is working?

Don't know.

Are the boys gonna get
to move back in their rooms

when the girls aren't
here? Don't know.

Do you even know when
they're gonna be moving in?

(DOORBELL RINGS)

No way. We're
not ready for... Tim!

Hey. Hi, Uncle Tim.

Hi, guys.

Here you go, Mark. Until
Dad puts in the bunk bed,

I'm lending you my
good sleeping bag.

In other words, you get the bed.

Yeah, of course. The older
brother always gets the bed.

That's not fair. Okay.

Stronger brother, better looking
brother. Hey, I've got a million of them.

Yeah? Well, I'm smarter.

Then how come you're
sleeping on the floor?

Man, I still can't believe Mom and
Dad are kicking us out of our own rooms.

I know. Just because Uncle
Marty's life is messed up

doesn't mean ours has to be.

We should stand
up for our rights.

Hey, guys, I want
to say something.

Wait. Let me guess.

You've got the cats
moving in, too, right?

No. Actually, I
want to say thanks.

I know you gotta hate
being shuffled around.

I just... I really appreciate
you putting up with us.

Well...

Other families, kids might
not be so understanding.

Yeah, we're just givers.

So does that mean I get the bed?

No fricking way.

Daddy.

Well, honey, what are you doing?

Why'd you get up?

I had a bad dream.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You want me to come
up and read you a story?

Okay. Okay.

Good night, Brad.
Good night, Claire.

Good night, Mark.

Good night.

Come on.

Well, I think we
made a statement.

Girls, how come you're
not eating your pancakes?

They're not like Mom's.

I used the same recipe as Mom.

How come they
don't taste the same?

Look, I don't have
time for this, okay?

It doesn't matter if they
don't taste the same.

You gotta eat them anyway, okay?

Besides, your dad forgot
the secret ingredient

he always puts on
pancakes, remember?

Chocolate chips. Makes
starchy little animals. Look at that.

You got the dalmatians, huh?

Look at this. What
do you got there?

Oh, it's an alien
with zits. Look at that.

Cool.

Thanks, Uncle Tim.

Thanks, man. You're a lifesaver.

You bet.

Okay. Kids, I gotta go to work.

I'll see you later, okay?

What are you doing today?

Uh, Tim got me some
handyman work in Ferndale.

Hey, you sure you don't
mind driving the girls to school?

No, it's fine. It's
fine. Okay, thanks.

Okay.

Oh, man. I forgot
to make their lunch.

Uh, got up early.
I made it myself.

I knew just what they wanted.

You got the Spam and
squid sandwiches, right?

You guys are unbelievable.

I mean, how am I
gonna repay you?

Your watch.

Go on. Go on.

Have a good day, Marty.

I am so impressed with you.

I've been working with
chocolate chips for years.

Here I thought I was gonna
have to do all the work,

and you're just taking charge.

I love taking charge.

Mommy used to
kiss Daddy like that.

Well, she doesn't
do it very often.

I thought that was
a children's book.

No.

The Secret Garden
is a children's book.

You had My Secret Garden.

I don't even want
you to read that book.

Hi, guys. TIM: Marty.

JILL: Hey, Marty.
You want some pie?

Yeah, thanks. Sorry I'm late.

I was working overtime.

Girls give you any trouble?

No. No. They were angels.

I helped them with
their homework.

Mmm. Then I corrected it.

Then we put them to bed.

Sounds like you guys
didn't miss a b*at.

Listen, I'm gonna go upstairs.

They can never seem to fall
asleep unless I read them a story first.

Already done.

They're sound asleep. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no. That's great.

I ended up reading
them the Al Unser story.

Now let's talk about
the inside of your house.

Let's say you
have an interior wall

that you want to spruce
up, make it a little more fun.

That's right. If you want to
cover a dull, unattractive surface,

sponge painting
is a great option.

Or you can grow a beard.

To begin with, all you actually
need is a latex paint-glaze mix,

a sea sponge.

See? Sponge.

It's a fun project the kids would enjoy
trying to spruce up their own rooms.

And to show you how much
fun it would be for children,

I invited two kids
on the show today.

My nieces, Claire
and Gracie Taylor.

Okay, girls. Are you
ready to paint? Yeah.

Okay. All right,
before we do that,

I want you to look into the camera
and tell the audience out there

what Uncle Tim says
whenever he starts a project.

"Ow, that hurts"?

Come on. What's he say?

"Call "?

(MOANS)

What did I say backstage?

"Al, your mom's fat."

You girls are doing a great job.

Thanks, Al.

And I don't think
your mom's fat.

Harry, you got some
joint compound?

Come look. Your girls are on TV.

You're kidding.

TIM: Well, girls,
I love your work.

Boy, Tim is great
with those kids.

Yeah. He sure is.

Hey, if Marty's not coming to
your house for Thanksgiving,

who's gonna give me a ride?

I'll have my sister pick you up.

We're losing him.
We're losing him.

Run towards the honey pot.

Come on. Come on.

Wake up. You got
so much to live for!

Don't choke him, shock him!

Oh, good idea.

Clear.

(MAKING BUZZING NOISE)

Do you have an eight?

I win. You're the old maid.

I hate that term. It
is so old-fashioned.

You know, women today
don't need to be with men

to feel completely fulfilled.

You're just mad
because you lost.

TIM: Hey, Marty. Daddy.

Hi. Come here.

Hey, uh, can you two kids
go upstairs for a minute?

I need to talk to your
Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill.

Okay. Go on.

So what's going on?

Well, first I want to say
thanks for everything.

But we don't want
to impose anymore.

Um, I'm gonna move the
girls back in with their mom.

You don't have to do that.
We love having you here.

We don't want to
overstay our welcome.

You're not overstaying
your welcome.

Well, I think it's a problem.

Really, it's not a problem.

Yeah, but it is with me, okay?

So I'm gonna go upstairs
and I'm gonna pack their bags.

Marty, you don't have
anyplace else to go.

Well, then, I'll
figure something out.

What's that all about?

Well, obviously something about
them being here is bothering him.

Well, I don't want
to figure it out.

I bent over backwards for him.

I've been sensitive.

I've changed my
whole personality.

And we were all
very grateful for that.

I'm worried about the girls.
How are they gonna feel?

You know, about having to
move out of here so suddenly?

I think you should
go talk to Marty.

I'm tired of fixing
things for him.

And I'm tired of
talking with him.

What are you gonna say to him
at Thanksgiving at your mom's?

What I say every year.

"You touch that drumstick,
you're gonna lose a hand."

Happy Thanksgiving, Marty.

Yeah. You, too, Tim.

We missed you at Mom's,

so she made you a
little care package.

Oh, thanks. I, uh,
already have some.

I hope you got the one with the
dehydrated pumpkin pie. Mm-mm-good!

The way you ran out of my house,

I didn't even want
to come talk to you,

but Mom said it's Thanksgiving
and we should just clear the air.

Look, I'm not really comfortable
talking about this, okay?

Oh, yeah, right. Like
I'm real comfortable

talking about another
man's feelings.

What's going on with you?

There's nothing
going on with me.

Okay? That's the point.
I work hours a week,

all I got to show for it is
a case of shrimp forks.

You're going through a
rough stretch, that's all.

Oh, I've been going through
a rough stretch for years.

I mean, come on,

I've worked with so
many jerks over the years,

I'm lucky I don't have
a chip on my shoulder.

You've probably got your hands
full with that bug up your butt.

Okay, so I'm a little bitter.

I mean, it's easy
for you to say.

You've always been successful.

Easy for me to say?

Martin, how about when Dad d*ed?

Was it easy for me
taking care of everybody?

How about working two
jobs to get through college?

How about raising three kids on
a junior salesman's salary, huh?

Oh, well. Obviously, you
can handle it and I can't!

That's not what I was saying.

No, you're more
successful at your marriage!

I wasn't saying that, Marty!

You're more successful
at your career. Marty.

Now I find out you're
better at raising my kids.

Is that what this
is about, Marty?

Come on, it's always easier
raising somebody else's kids.

You know, when Claire and
Gracie see you and Nancy,

they see a couple in pain.

When they see me and Jill,

they see a guy shocking
the stuffing out of a teddy bear

and a bitter old maid.

Nancy was right. You know, I'm
never gonna get back on my feet.

I'm just gonna go from
one stupid job to the next.

They're not stupid jobs when you're
using the money to support your family.

You should be proud of that.

That's a time when a lot
of guys just cut and run.

You're facing responsibilities.

That's something to be
admired. And I admire that.

Come on. Let's eat something.

Mom made a nice
plate for you. Huh?

You brought the drumstick.

That's right, and
the wing for you.

You're right. Your
house is freezing cold.

Well, I think the pilot light
went off in my furnace.

Would you mind going down in
the basement and taking a look?

Well, yeah, but, uh, you
know, you can do this yourself.

Well, I don't like
to go down there.

It's big and it's damp.

The place gives me the creeps.

TIM: Love basements.
Love the creeps.

There it is, Wilson! I
found your furnace!

You got a light down
here or something?

There should be a pull
chain right over the furnace.

Ah!

Interesting.

You know, Wilson, if you were
to drop the ceiling just a scosh,

you'd have a heck of
a rec room down here.

Foosball table, ping-pong,
the whole nine yards.

Mommy used to
kiss Daddy like that.

And look what happened to them.

Guys, let me just...

Let me just talk to your
dad for a minute, okay?

(GIGGLING)