01x09 - Act of Grace

[bunniefuu]

Recognize this?

- Yeah, it's f*cking badass.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry?

Uh, do you have a translator?

I have very little English.

I also don't speak
English as well.

I didn't even realize
there was piracy happening.

Don't know anything
about any of this

or any of the people involved.

The Captain isn't...
that strong a swordsman

or seaman or anything,
to be honest.

I'm a strong reader/writer,
so both, double thr*at.

In case you're hiring
after all of this.

Hmm.

Mr. Bonnet...

Welcome.

No, no, no, no, no, no... no.

Everything all right?

Chauncey... Oh, yes.

I forgot you were twins.
I, I mean, are twins.

And h-how is your brother,
Nigel? Is he... Is he well?

As a matter of fact,
Nigel's decidedly... unwell.

But I think you know that.

How would I know that?

I, I, I haven't
seen him in ages.

I have it on very good authority
that he was on board this vessel

in your company.

No, no, I... I don't know
where you would've heard that.

I heard it from the witnesses

to his m*rder.

Sweetie... why're you
holding yourself like that?

- Nervous tummy?
- They're lookin' for Stede's journal.

- For evidence.
- There's nothin' we can do about that now. He's done for.

: I have Stede's journal.

I grabbed it when
we got boarded.

- You gotta get rid of that, babe!
- I know that, babe,

but I can't get to the side
of the ship to throw it over.

Ay, give it here.

No, trust me. I was born
for this kind of espionage.

Awesome. Do it. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Go, go, go, go, go.

- Okay.
- Roach, I need a distraction.

What's your problem, darkie?

Your face?

Get him!

- Distraction's away! Go, go, go, go, go!
- Go, Frenchie!

f*ckin' hell.

Sailor: Hello.

What's this?

"My Wondrous Journey:
A Life at Sea."

Bit of fan fiction...
about Captain Bonnet.

You're a fan of your Captain?

Yeah, yeah. Huge fan.

Can't stop imagining him in all
different scenarios. All totally made up.

"A true journal of the life and
happenings of Stede Bonnet."

Bonnet, yeah. Mm, it was
written to resemble a journal.

It's a kind of grabby marketing
hook till I get the reader...

Oh, found a good bit? What part?

Would love some, some feedback.

I'd like to take it, actually.

Get back!

"'Avast ye!' I snapped.

"The smell of death permeated
the room, electric in its tang.

"'P-p-p-please don't
k*ll me!' Nigel whined...

having soiled himself."

Course, I don't
believe any of it.

Oh, thank god.

Blackbeard confessed to
the crime moments ago.

- He did?
- Yep. I k*lled the bastard.

- Enjoyed it, too.
- Right.

And what did he look like?

All of you. You all
look the same, you know?

- And how did you k*ll him?
- Ah, the ushe. Uh, stabbing.

- And where did you s*ab him?
- Everywhere.

I don't keep track of
these kinds of things.

You know, I'm a... "life
is cheap" kind of guy.

That's not true.

Why would he lie?

Honestly, it makes much
more sense. After all

you're just some
bored little rich boy.

You weak-hearted,
lily-livered little rich boy.

And that's all you'll
ever be, Stede Bonnet.

I did it.

I'm sorry?

I... m*rder*d Nigel.

Stole his sword, and I...

Jammed it through his head.

I k*lled him.

You'll sign a confession
to that extent, hm?

There's a good chap.

There, there, Baby Bonnet.

Feels better, doesn't it?

Officer Wellington:
Ready. Aim. Fire!

Oh dear.

In the name of His
Majesty, King George,

this tribunal shall
come to order.

Edward Teach,

- or "Black Beard."
- It's just "Blackbeard."

Like, just run it together
as one word. "Blackbeard."

Don't have to put
a gap in there.

You face death,

for general crimes of
piracy against the Crown.

Yeah.

But a friend of the Crown
has prevailed upon me

to remand you to his custody.

You shall be released
to Captain Hands

in exchange for his
service to the King.

How he still alive, anyway?

- Traitor!
- He gave us up.

Order.

Stede Bonnet,

for the wanton m*rder
of Nigel Badminton

your sentence is death

by f*ring squad.

We'll find a way
out of this, okay?

- Ed, no. No, I deserve this.
- We'll come up with a plan.

At some point in a man's life,
he has to face the music.

For the things he's done...

And the people he's hurt.

It's time, Ed.

The bill has come due.

Oh my god!

I don't wanna die!

Oh god!

Oh please!

- Hey, boss.
- Edward...

I know you're upset,
but it was the only...

- Very nice, very nice.
- Great punch, Cap'n.

- Great punch.
- Izzy: Okay... that's fair.

That's fair.

Remember though, you said
when you made me first mate,

"Above all else is
loyalty to your Captain."

r*fles at the ready!

- Oh god.
- Izzy: You're my captain,

and I was never gonna
stand by and let you

destroy yourself
for that... twat.

And this, this is a
humane way of ending it.

- Aim!
- Izzy: It's quick. It's clean.

Oh sh*t.

Edward, you know that.

Act of Grace!

No... No.

Act of Grace!

Act of Grace!

- Say it. Say "Act of Grace!"
- What?!

Act of Grace!

Grace!

What he said!

f*ck me.

What's the Act of Grace?

I, King George,
do hereby proclaim

that any pyrate who so
abandons his life of crime

and pledges service to the Crown
in their w*r against the Spanish

shall be granted
amnesty forthwith.

And we're calling this?

Ah, yes, uh, call it
my Act of Kindness.

Nope! Uh, my Act of Charity.

No!

King George's Act of Grace.

No, wait! No, use
that. That's great.

Overthinking things as usual.

Admiral Badminton: So

you want to go to
w*r for the King?

We'd rather eat our
own faces, but yes.

Two Acts of Grace, please.

Ah...

I'm afraid the offer doesn't
extend to you, Bonnet.

After all, the King was only
referring to real pirates.

He's from my world, not yours.

Raise your r*fles!

Ah! Put the blindfold back on.

"June the third.
An excellent day!

"Raided a commercial vessel

"after overwhelming
the hardy crew.

We claimed a prize of lush
vegetation in conquest."

Here's an illustration
for reference.

And here's the
vegetation in question.

"They'll never forget the
Eccentric Pirate Bonnet

and his savage, insane,
vengeful pirate horde."

See? He's a pirate. A real,
proper pirate. A proper pirate.

That man is a fearsome
pirate if e'er I seen one.

Ya great foppin' twats!

Yeah, he's definitely a pirate.

Well, rule-of-law-wise,
I'd say that settles it.

A plant and a drawing?

- Settles nothing.
- It's enough for us.

Blackbeard renounces
piracy to serve the Crown?

We'll be dining with
Ol' King George himself.

Why?

Why do you all show
such loyalty to this

this... nothing?

I'd attribute quite a lot of it to
a people-positive management style.

- Shut up!
- Officer Wellington: Stand down, Admiral.

Or we'll be forced
to take measures.

Measures?!

Against me?!

- He's the criminal!
- All right!

- He's the m*rder*r!
- Calm down, Mr. Wavy Blade.

Give it a break, mate.
You're freakin' us all out.

Chauncey, sometimes,
when we get a bit angry,

do you know what we like to do?

- We talk it through...
- Crew: As a crew!

- Yes.
- Oh, I know.

I know what's happened.

Yeah, we've somehow drifted
south of the equator,

and ended up in Backwardsland!
Get your hands off me!

Do you know who I am?

I am an Admiral!

I'll have you all ex*cuted!

Poor bugger.

Admiral Badminton!

- Oh sh*t. Damn.
- That's a big document.

- Look at the different sizes of the fonts.
- Yeah.

There's big ones to lure you in

and then, all these
tiny little ones here.

That's where all the tricks are.

- Uh-oh. Here we go.
- Yeah, it's two pages.

Look, can we have a
moment to review it?

Eh, it's boilerplate: Absolution
for your terrible crimes

in return for 10 years of service
to the King, blahdie-blahdie-blah.

- Ten human years?
- Officer Wellington: Mm-hm.

Or we can still sh**t you.

No, that'll be lovely.

Course, it's only valid
if Mr. Teach signs on.

You really don't
have to do this.

Yeah, I know I don't.

Think what you're doin', Ed.

Do you really want to
lick the King's boots?

Lovely... Well done.

We'll need a copy
of this, obviously.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

Cromwell, Ezekiel.

So, what's the plan for escape?

Uh, the plan, the plan is just to
go with the flow, see what happens.

Right, go with the flow.

- Hello, how are you?
- Teach, Edward.

That's my name. Edward
Teach, born on a beach.

Soap.

- Uh, Bonnet, Stede.
- Bonnet, Stede.

Ooh, thank you.

Ooh, do you have any
less scratchy blankets?

You are... dead.

Excuse me?

According to these records,

Stede Bonnet's been
deceased for months.

Oh.

Well, that's, uh,
obviously, a clerical error.

Or, perhaps a
different Stede Bonnet.

It's quite a common name.

Wife, Mary Bonnet?

Yeah.

That's an odd coincidence.

Next!

Do they really think I'm dead?

Or did Mary report
me dead out of spite?

And which is your favorite pig?

I wonder if they had a funeral.

I mean, what would they bury?

Would it be an empty... Ah!

What?

What've they done
with your face?!

Oh yeah! Yeah, the beard wasn't
regulation, so it had to go.

Feels weird.

From here to here, is freezing.

But you're Blackbeard.

You can't be Blackbeard
without your black beard.

Come on, mate. That's all
over. It was over years ago.

My beard hasn't been
black since I was young.

I was Greybeard if anything.

Salt-and-pepperbeard.
Now, I'm just Nobeard.

Oh, I get it.

You've got a plan. I know it.

You've kept the
clippings, haven't you?

So, we can make fake
heads and escape.

Stede, get it straight, mate.

We got caught, all right?

There is no escape.

Now, it's time to
accept our fate.

Besides, kind of
comforting, really,

once you get your
mind around it.

I mean, look at this.

I'm folding stuff...
and that's okay.

Who would've thought?

All right. That's that. Do
you need anything folded?

Shirt? Your socks?

Izzy: The thing about
Captain Hands is,

he's tough, yeah.

But also, he's fair

as Ivan and Fang can attest to.

Needs more salt.

All right, all right.
Listen up, listen up!

Work hard, keep a
spring in your step,

and you'll all have a
long tenure aboard...

"Izzy's Revenge."

What's funny, Mr. Feeney?

It's just that "Izzy's Revenge"

sounds a bit like an
intestinal condition.

I wonder what the condition of
your intestine might be after, say

no rations for a week?

Any other funny bits?

I didn't think so.

I don't want a boat, Stede!

And I don't hate our lives,

at least not so much that
I would wanna do this.

Blackbeard: There you are.

- The fake heads idea... wasn't bad.
- Oh, come on.

Stupid idea.

- I've only got stupid ideas.
- Oh, shut up.

How are you handling
this so well?

I don't know.

It's kinda nice just
to take a load off.

Just to... Just to be Edward.

I don't know if I wanna
go back to the old days.

Just drinking all day and
biting the heads off turtles, or

making some poor bloke eat
his own toes as a laugh.

Yuck. Where's the laugh there?

Suppose what I'm
saying is that I...

Right now, I just wanna
do what makes Ed happy.

And what makes Ed happy?

These past few weeks

have been

the most fun I've
had in ages, years.

Maybe ever.

So...

So, uh, I reckon
what makes Ed happy

is.

You.

Well, that's, uh, that's...

You make Stede happy.

Maybe we can just... get away?

Start over. Reset.

But you said there
was no escape.

There's always an escape.

We could be gone tonight.

What about the English?
They'll be all over us.

No, no, no, no. We could...
We'd get a new boat.

New names... new
backstories, everything.

We'll go somewhere
they'll never find us.

We'll go to China.

- China?
- Yeah.

- It's quite far away.
- That's the point.

Our old lives will
be gone, dead.

Never were.

What do you say?

I know we never would've
chosen each other,

not in a million years,

but all we have
is this one life.

Yeah.

Yes?

- I think so.
- Yes! Okay.

- Yes?!
- Mm-hm.

f*ckin', this is great.
Okay, we leave at dawn, okay?

I'll work out all the details.

You... think up some new names.

Cool ones.

Okay, that's nine for
mutiny and zero against.

Are you guys sure
you're up for this?

- Yes! Yeah!
- Yeah, yeah.

And that Brown Peter,
he can't be first mate.

I saw him talking to
Izzy about it before.

- Never. Disaster.
- Mm-hm.

- No offense to Lucius.
- Oh god, no. Don't apologize to me.

I mean, I love that man, but, um,
leadership's not his, his strength.

All right, well,
the second thing is:

- Who's gonna be in charge?
- Yeah.

It's got... It's gotta be
someone we can all trust.

Someone who has the entire crew
in mind, not just themselves.

It's you.

- Nah.
- There's only one choice.

No, no, no, no. I c... No.

I don't want it. I'm
officially taking myself

out of the running. Thank you.

Well, I reckon that settles it.

The only good cap'ns

are the ones that hate
being captains, eh?

It'll be an honor to
serve under you, Cap'n.

- N-No, seriously, I...
- Roach: Captain. Captain. Captain.

Hey! See that guy over there?

Yeah?

In exactly two hours, he's
gonna come and wake you up,

and escort you out, okay?

You're gonna meet me
down at the beach.

I'm gonna be about half
an hour behind you,

but there'll be a dinghy
waiting. Make sense?

- I think so.
- Okay, good.

- I'll see ya down there.
- Where are you going?

I gotta go mug a
guy for a dinghy.

- Oh, okay.
- Hey, get some sleep.

Shh.

Get up.

Chauncey, take it from a man
with regrets. Think this through!

Shut up. All I've been
doing is thinking.

And drinking.
Drinking and thinking.

Do you know what
conclusion I've reached?

Turn around!

Stede Bonnet

is not a human.

Just breathe.

You're a monster.

A plague.

You defile beautiful things.

My dear brother.

Your own family.

You've even managed to bring
history's greatest pirate to ruin.

And here you are... unscathed,

God's perfect little rich boy.

I think you're right.

In fact, I...

I completely agree.

You don't fool me.

The Stede Bonnet reign
of terror ends tonig.

Ahh!

Stede?

Stede?

Okay, okay! Maybe, maybe
we got off to a bad start.

But, what, what, what, what
can I do differently, huh?

- I'm open to suggestions!
- Mm-hm.

Pete! Help me out here!

For the record, I never
formally accepted the role

of "first mate" and I
fully endorse this mutiny.

Gah! Y-You, you, you
don't have to do this.

Part of good leadership
is restraint.

Everyone's got their own style.

One!

Two!

Hold it!

Izzy...

I'll take tea in my room.

What happened to his beard?

Darling.

I'm home.