03x18 - Missing Identity/Plankton's Army

[bunniefuu]

Oh, no, I lost my pen.

You can borrow mine.

Thanks.

I lost something once.

l lost something
I couldn't live without...

my identity.

So anyway, thanks
for the pen.

No problem, hon.

lt all started last week...
Monday morning to be exact...

the day I lost my identity.

I got to go.

( snoring )

( foghorn blaring )

Good morning, world,
and all who inhabit it.

Ahh! Gary, help! I can't see.

Gary!

Gary, are you there?

Ow!

Gary? Gary, buddy?

I need you to be my eyes, okay?

Am I near the bathroom?

( shrieks )

( yelling )

Gary? Gary? Gar?

( meows )

Gary.

Now that my horrific
incident of terror is over

how 'bout some breakfast?

♪ The most important meal
of the day ♪

♪ Serving it up
Gary's way... pop! ♪

Enjoy, buddy.

Mm, you know, I've
been feeding this
to Gary for years

and I don't even know
what it tastes like.

Bleah!

Bleah!

Bleah!

What is it, Peterson?

I'm not sure.

I feel... a disturbance.

That was the worst thing
l've ever tasted.

Oh, well, at least
I'll never have to do it again.

Barnacles!

All these shenanigans
made me late for work.

Ooh!

Uh-oh.

All right!

Hi, SpongeBob.

Hi, Patrick.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la
la-la-la-la-lah ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-lah ♪

♪ La-la-la-la
la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la
la-la-la... ♪

Wait a minute.

When exactly did you
lose your identity?

Yeah, and who's Patrick?

Why did you eat Snail-Po?

Have patience, good people.

A great story can't be rushed.

However, I will skip ahead
to The Krusty Krab.

Order up!

One Krabby Patty, grilled
with the fiery warmth

of my beating heart. Enjoy.

Thanks.

Uh...

Oh.

Is there a problem?

Well, you really should
be wearing a name tag

so I can thank you properly.

While it is against
my philosophy

to disagree with a customer

l must point out that I am,
in fact, wearing a name tag...

right here.

Huh?

( gasping )

Uh... SpongeBob.

Oh, Squidward, it's terrible.

It's the most terrible thing
that's ever happened to me.

I lost my name tag.

( sobbing )

Pourquoi?!

SpongeBob, take it easy.

I'm sure you can get a new one.

But I don't want
a new one, Squidward.

My name tag is
out there somewhere.

Lost... Hungry...

Who will help it?

What if someone's using it?

All right, nobody move!

This is a bank robbery!

Attica!

( shrieks )

I'm innocent, I tell ya.

( whimpering )

Wow... Ooh...

Squidward, what happened?

Huh? Oh, you fainted

because you lost your
name tag or something.

( shrieks )

Huh?

( gibbering )

( gasping )

SpongeBob, will you get
ahold of yourself?

Since when is losing
your name tag

the end of the world?

Attention, all employees!

Just a quick heads-up, boys.

There's going to be
a surprise uniform inspection

in one hour.

Anyone who doesn't pass,
gets the boot.

This boot, to be exact.

It's very stinky

and you have
to wear it all day.

See you in an hour.

( gasping )

SpongeBob, if you really want

to find your name tag,
just retrace your steps.

Retrace my steps?

Squidward, you're a genius.

Huh. Huh. A genius.

Well, I don't know
about that, but...

Cover me till I get back, okay?

Oh, sure, sure.

A genius. Well,
how about.... Hey!

Let's see.

If I'm going to retrace my steps

l got to remember
everything I did this morning.

Hi, SpongeBob.

Oh, hi, Patrick.

You said hi to me
this morning, right?

As I do every morning.

Well, I need you to do it again.

That wasn't part
of the deal, SquarePants.

Patrick, what are
you talking about?

My hellos aren't just
some tape recording

that you can rewind
and play over and over.

They're special.

Patrick, this is an emergency.

I lost my name tag this morning

and I need to retrace my steps.

You lost your name tag?

( gasping )

Okay, Patrick, you
know the plan, right?!

I got it, I got it.

You're going to retrace your
steps and when you walk by me,

l say, "Hi,"
just like this morning.

Perfect!

Mm, I guess I should start
with when I woke up.

I sure hope this works.

( snoring )

Good morning, world,
and all who inhabit it.

Awk!

So far, so good.

( yelling )

I don't see my name tag up here.

Now that my horrific incident
of terror is over

how 'bout some breakfast?

♪ The most important meal
of the day ♪

♪ Serving it up
Gary's way. ♪

Bleah!

Okay. Next I just have
to walk outside

and say hi to Patrick.

Patrick!

What?

You were supposed
to say hi to me.

Hi.

Oh. All right,
let's take it from the top.

Bye, SpongeBob.

Don't forget your
line this time!

I won't.

Good morning, world
and all who inhabit it.

( yelling, crashing )

♪ The most important
meal of the day ♪

♪ La-la-la, Gary's
way. ♪ Bleah!

( frustrated growl )

Patrick, why
didn't you say hi to me?

What's my motivation?

Forget the motivation.

Just say hi!

( groans )

( yelling )

Hi, Patrick.

Wait! I'm Patrick.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

( laughing ):
I'm sorry.

Let's try it again.

( yelling )

Bleah!

Hi, SpongeBoob.

SpongeBoob?!

I-I said... ha-ha!

Who's SpongeBoob?

I said SpongeBoob!

( laughing )

Again, again. Sorry, people.

( yelling )

♪ The most important
meal of the day ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, Gary's way. ♪
Bleah!

( suppressing laughter )

I got the giggles.

Oh, what's the use?

I'll never find my name tag
in time for inspection.

Well, what did you do

after I said hi to
you this morning?

Hmm. Let's see.

l skipped merrily
to The Krusty Krab.

Said hello to old man Jenkins.

Hi, Mr. J.

Placed an apple
on Mr. Krabs's desk

and that's about it.

Oh, and these two guys
threw me in the dumpster.

Yi-yi-yi.

Good one, guys!

Whoa!

That's it!

Your name tag is in the apple

on Mr. Krabs' desk.

Patrick, you're a genius.

Oh, wait, he's probably
thrown it away by now.

Well, then, we'll
look in the dumpster.

( shudders )

What is that stench?

That is the stench of discovery.

Come on, buddy, I'll
give you a boost.

Hop on, pal.

Yup-ho!

Hey, it's not so bad,
once you get used to it.

I wish I had a nose.

Come on in, buddy,
the garbage is fine.

Cannonball!

( laughing )

You look over there,

and I'll look over here.

Okay.

Patrick.

I'm looking, I'm looking.

Patrick.

Patrick!

I'm looking as fast as I can.

Patrick!!

Thank you.

Here, let me get that.

Hey, look... a
Stingray single.

Hey, these guys rock!

Why would anybody
throw this away?

Have you forgotten
what we're looking for

knee deep in yesterday's
Top songs?

Yes.

I'll give you a hint:
Two words.

First word, "my."

Second word, "name tag."

Could I have another hint?

Patrick, I would love
to sit here

and play " Questions" with you

but I've only got
one minute till inspection.

Aah! One minute?!

Hurry, Patrick!

We don't have much time.

( grunting )

Hey, SpongeBob.

Not now, Patrick.

I know where your name tag is.

Where? Where?

Uh...

I can't remember.

Patrick, I don't
have time for this.

There it is!

Where?!

Uh. I forgot again.

Patrick, are you with me
or against me?

Well, could you give me a hint?

There! I see it!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

the boy who cried, "Name tag."

If you're not going to help me

then just go crawl
back under your rock.

Well, at least I don't
wear my shirt backwards.

My shirt backward? What the...?

My shirt's on backwards!

I had my identity all along.

Oh, and just in time.

Thanks, Patrick.

Don't mention it, buddy.

Fall in for inspection!

All right, you two.

Hat and uniform
seem to be in order.

Hmm...

Promise me you'll shave

tonight and you pass.

Hoo-rah.

Okay, boy, your turn.

I think you'll find
everything ship-shape.

( sniffs )

( yelps )

Jumping jellyfish,
what's that stench?

Uh, discovery?

And that's how I got
my identity back.

Well, that's my story.

( yawns )

Well, you managed
to k*ll minutes.

( laughing )

Thanks, uh...

Betty.

What? Oh, sweetie,

I'm not Betty.

I just borrowed
her uniform

while mine's
at the cleaners.

NARRATOR:
Ah, The Krusty Krab,

home of the delicious
Krabby Patty

and its super-secret recipe.

Attention, Krusty Krab Crew!

All hands report immediately!

Fry Cook SpongeBob
reporting, sir!

What's all the yelling about?

Today is the th anniversary

of the first time
me archenemy Plankton

ever tried to steal me secret

Krabby Patty formula.

Can I have the secret formula?

No!
Okay.

KRABS:
But he was persistent.

Pretty please?
Uh-uh.

He used disguise...

( evil chuckling )

super-science...

( gulping )

civil disobedience...

...and I always
came out on top.

Fascinating.

But thousands of failures
have made him crafty,

so keep your eyes open.

You never know
what trick he'll use

to steal me secret
Krabby Patty formula.

( mechanical voice ):
What a quaint restaurant.

I think I will sample
their wares.

Ooh, how weird!

A machine made to
look like a customer.

SpongeBob, why don't you go
hose out the men's room.

With pleasure, sir!

I'll take this one.

Welcome to The Krusty Krab, sir.

May I help you?

Yes, please.

l'd like an order
of chili coral bits.

You sure you don't want
a Krabby Patty?

No, thank you.

Will this cover it?

Uh... sure.

Here you go.

Good day.

Hmm. I was sure it was
one of Plankton's tricks.

Well, at least his money's good.

( chuckling )

Aha!

Plankton, you knew I would
never distrust a dollar!

That's right, Krabs.

Now hand over the secret
Krabby Patty formula!

Or what?

I don't know.

l never thought
I'd get this far.

Well, then, allow me to
suggest your next move.

Yowww!

Curse you, Krabs!

( laughing )

And now for the chaser.

( water sloshing )

( gasping loudly )

You just wait, Krabs!

Next time I'll... ( groans )

Who am I kidding?

At least I can go home
to a wife who understands.

( feminine voice ):
So, tell me what happened.

I don't want to talk about it.

Talking will make
you feel better.

Leave me alone.

That's your problem...
You never let anyone in.

Plankton the rock,
Plankton the loner.

And she's off,
ladies and gentlemen.

You have to do
everything yourself.

That's why everything you try
ends up like this.

( laughs )

Ooh!

And like this.

( laughs )

( duck squeaks )

And more recently, like this.

( flushing )

( bawling )

I'm a failure!

It's not that bad.

You just require a little help.

Maybe some henchmen.

Henchmen?

Yes. What you need to do

is surround yourself
with muscular tough guys

who will do whatever you say.

I like the sound of that.

I'll canvass all the seediest
lowbrow dives in town

to find my minions.

And I know just how to speak
their language.

PLANKTON:
Felicitations, malefactors!

l am endeavoring
to misappropriate

the formulary
for the preparation

of affordable comestibles.

Who will join me?!

l don't get it...
No matter what I do,

I always end up being squashed
by someone bigger than me.

Oh, come on.

I think you're overreacting.

Sorry.

That's okay... I'm no different

than the millions
of other plankton in the sea.

The plankton family

has always been pushed around
and stepped on.

Wait. That's it.

Acting alone, we're powerless

but united, the plankton family

could be a real pain
in the fanny!

Krabs may think one plankton
is no problem,

but let's see him take on two

or ten

or

or , !

And why stop there?

I'll gather every family member
from every corner of the ocean.

The entire plankton family

under one roof!

( sneezes )

Krabs won't stand a chance

against
the staggering intellect

of a million super-smart
criminal masterminds!

( doorbell rings )
They're here!

Welcome, brethren!

Hey, look here, buddy...
It's Cousin Plankton!

ALL:
Yee-haw!

I've been away from home
longer than I thought.

Well, howdy, cousin!

Guh...

It's me, Clem.

Of course, you remember Zeke,

Rufus, Jete, Billy Bob,
Billy Jim,

Billy Billy Bo Willy
Banana Fana Fo Filly,

Doug, Enos...

Julio, Fletcher McGee,
Rainchild...

All right, I get it!

I mean, uh, come inside,
make yourself at home.

I'd like you to meet
my computer wife, Karen.

( planktons whistling )

Golly, she sure is
pretty, Sheldon.

KAREN:
Sheldon?

Yes, that's my first name.

( Karen laughing )

Sheldon?!
Will you please...?

( laughing ):
l'm sorry.
All right

( laughter
continues ) as I was saying...

Okay, we all know
Sheldon's a funny name.

O-ho-kay.
Okay, I'm done.

No more.
Good.

( clears throat ):
To continue.

Only you can bring honor...

( planktons laughing )

and dignity...

( laughter )

back to the plankton...

( laughter )

For years, it has been my goal

( laughter )
to acquire the secret formula for...

Okay, that's enough!

Sheldon! Ha!

Bottom line:
We invade The Krusty Krab,

so I can steal
the secret formula.

What do you think?

Uh, what's in it for us?

Hey, what about us?!

Well, what do you want?

Garsh! Could I get
a new string for my banjo?

And another boot
to match this 'un?

And some more memory
for my laptop?

What about root beer?

ALL:
Root beer?!

( cheering )
Help me get
the secret formula,

and you can have as much
root beer as you can drink.

( cheering )

Victory, thy name is plankton!

KRABS:
Well, Mr. Squidward,

it's almost closing time,
and we haven't seen

eye or antenna
of old Plankton for hours.

Yes, sir, I think this time,
he's finally given up...

PLANKTON ( over loudspeaker ):
Attention,
Krusty Krab management.

This is your better speaking.

What?!

I have the restaurant
surrounded.

Give me the secret formula

or I'll destroy The Krusty Krab.

Eh, you and what army, bug?

( chuckling ):
What army?

What army?!

Look around you, Krabs.

You planted grass?

Grass?!

( laughing )

( planktons all laughing )

Uh-oh.

( both screaming )

( all yelling )

( blows landing )

You'll never get away with it,
Plankton!

You're right...

the pipes are much too narrow.

Besides, what I really want
is the Krabby Patty formula.

Well, you might as well
forget it!

The formula is locked away
in me safe

and I'll never give you
the combination.

( laughing )

Silence!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

( groans )

l think you'll find
we're more than capable

of figuring it out
for ourselves.

Oh, boys?

That's it...
A little to the left.

Curse you plankton

and your ability
to join together

to form a working human ear.

( planktons cheering )

Hot dog!

Yes!

It's mine! The formula's mine!

After all these years,
it's finally mine!

( sniffs )

( sighs )

Let it be known
that on this day,

I, Sheldon J. Plankton,

single-handedly overthrew
The Krusty Krab!

SEVERAL PLANKTONS:
Ahem!

A-And, uh, of course, I had
a little help from the family.

Plankton, wait!
You can't look
at the formula!

Begging won't help.

I'm telling you,
you won't be able
to handle the truth.

There's some things
in this world

that weren't meant
for mortal eyes.

Eye.

Eye.

I don't care.

Drumroll, please!

Finally, after all these years,

I'm about to find out what makes
a Krabby Patty taste so good.

The secret recipe
for one Krabby Patty is...

"A pinch of salt..."

Plankton, wait!

"...three teaspoons
of chopped onions..."

I'm warning you.

"...a cup of love..."

Don't do it!

"...mixed together

"with the most important
ingredient of all...

"four heaping pounds
of freshly ground...

plankton"?

I warned you.

( screaming )

( continues screaming )

( all gasp )

( planktons yelling )

Hey, why ain't you running?

Well, I can't read.

Get out of here.

Hyuh, hyuh, hyuh, hyuh.

( grunts )

( groans )

Hey, guys. Did
I miss anything?

Mr. Krabs, is this really
the secret ingredient

for the Krabby Patty?

KRABS:
Of course not.

And Plankton'll probably
figure that out

and be back again to find out
what the real formula is.

But don't worry, boys...

the formula's safe from harm.

I got it hidden
in me most secret
hiding place...

a place no one,
not even Plankton,
would ever figure out.

( laughing )

Let me guess... it's at home
under your mattress.

( gasps )

Curse you, Squidward!