03x19 - The Sponge Who Could Fly

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:
Last week,

a never-before-seen
episode of SpongeBob SquarePants

was discovered under a desk
at Nickelodeon Studios.

Now all the world is waiting
in fevered anticipation to watch

the SpongeBob SquarePants
"Lost Episode."

Now, to present the lost episode

from Encino, California,

the president of the
SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club,

Patchy the Pirate.

Patchy, Patchy,
the kids are here.

( toilet flushes )

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Potty, don't you know

this is Patchy's private time?

Oh, hello.

Aah! What are you all
doing here?

They're here to see the
lost episode. (squawks)

But I haven't got
the lost episode

because I...
Well, I lost it.

KIDS:
No, Patchy, please!

Don't say that, Patchy.

But it is.

It's lost, and I have
no idea where it is,

so it's best if you forget
all about old SpongeBob.

( frustrated growl )

( musical tribute playing
throughout )

( musical tribute continues )

( musical tribute continues )

( music swells )

( music ends )

I don't believe I lost
"The Lost Episode."

I never lose anything.

What about your leg?

Yeah. And
your eye.

And the eye.

And your hand.

Oh, get out of here,
you blasted bird!

If only I had a map to tell me
where the lost episode is.

( car tires screeching )

( gasps, mumbles )

What is it?

Hey, it's a map.

It's a map to the lost episode

of SpongeBob I lost.

It's a dream come true.

We got to go find it, Potty.

( laughing hysterically )

( snaps fingers )

First, I'll need me
treasure-hunting leg.

Come on, Potty.

Ah!

Time's a-wastin'.

( Potty squawks )

Ten paces past
Mrs. Johnson's house.

Would you boys
like some cookies?

Put them in a doggie bag,
Mrs. Johnson.

Can't right now.

We're on a treasure hunt.

Okay, don't catch cold.

PATCHY:
Walk five fathoms past Don's
Import Store & Delicatessen.

Half a league
to the forked tree.

Oh.

Now all that's left is... Huh?

The seven trials
of Monkey Lagoon?!

( kids exclaiming )

Merciful Neptune,
only for SpongeBob.

Only for SpongeBob!

( yelling )

Whoa... whoa... whoa!

( yelling excitedly )

( screaming )

( moaning )

( kids cheering )

( yelling )

PATCHY:
We made it.

We survived the trials.

Oh, I'm really going
to dig this lost episode.

( chuckling )

Dig it, get it?

( laughs devilishly )

You stink.

And I just got out
of the shower.

( shovel clanks )

Hey, Potty,
I think I hit something.

Clever... bury your treasure
above the surface.

( squawks )

This is it!

( cracks knuckles )

I don't know what
it means either,

but I got what I came for.

Come on, Potty,
time's a-wastin'.

( whooping )

Ah, yeah!

Popcorn... soda...
pickled garlic.

Hurry, Potty, hit the remote.

( squawks )

This is gonna be great.

I can't believe it... more
SpongeBob.

( munching )

This is so exciting!
( laughing )

Here it comes.

POTTY: ( squawks )
Pipe down.

( techno-pop music playing )

( techno-pop music continues )

( tempo quickens )

( techno-pop resumes )

( music continues )

( test signal tone ringing )

That's it?

That's "The Lost Episode"?

That was just a bunch
of cheap walk cycles!

What a rip.

( growling )

SpongeBob betrayed us!

Ahh! I'm sorry I ever started
this stupid fan club

in the first place.

l'm going to get rid
of all my SpongeBob stuff.

All of it! All of it!

( tears fabric )

All of it!

I'm going to run away!

That's what I'll do... run away!

( sobs )

Sheesh, what a hothead.

TV ANNOUNCER:
And now "The Real Lost Episode."

Patchy, come back!
There's more.

Really?

( videotape squeals in reverse )

Hooray!

Let's watch.

NARRATOR:
Here we see
the proud jellyfish hunter.

He stands motionless

to lure the jellyfish
into a false sense of security,

and when his prey ventures too
close, he springs into action.

( boinging )

Huh?

( screaming )

( all screaming )

( humming )

Huh?

Ooh, I salute you,
o majestic jellyfish.

Your command of the sky
is unmatched,

floating just out
of the reach of my net,

but near enough that I can see
your untamed beauty.

( ballad intro begins )

( clears throat )

♪ If only I could join you
there in the air ♪

♪ Floating free without a care ♪

♪ I wish I could fly ♪

♪ And see things
with a different eye ♪

♪ I would fly so very high
and touch the sky ♪

♪ And never have to ask
why it is that I can't fly. ♪

( music ends abruptly )

Wait a minute.

I'm forgetting the words
of Grandpa SquarePants.

lf we were meant to fly,

we'd have propellers
on our heads

or jet engines on our backs.

I'm going to follow
his advice, by gum.

I'll invent a flying machine.

What's that contraption,
SpongeBob?

That, Patrick, is
a flying machine.

( laughs )

What's so funny?

Oh, it's like my
grandpa used to say.

If we were meant to fly...

Hey, I'm not your grandfather.

Well, here I go, Patrick.

l'm off to fly
with the jellyfish.

Ignition. Check.

Landing gear. Check.

Complimentary peanuts.

Checkaroo.

Ready for takeoff.

( engine rumbles )

( whizzing )

You cut a hole in
Farmer Jenkins' grain silo.

Don't remind me.

I knew no good
would come from city folk

and their flying machines.

That's it!

( panting )

We... we'd better
do what he says.

He knows how to grow food.

Well, it took me all night,

but here they are...
The new blueprints.

I wasn't even close
with that last one...

propellers, rudders...

( blows raspberry )

This one's gonna fly!

( wings flutter )

I can feel it.

Ready, Patrick?

Ready!

( panting )

It's working, Patrick.

I'm flying!

I'm... falling!

This is it, Patrick.

The physics are all here.

This time, I'm going to fly.

Behold.

Oh, boy, a birthday party!

No, Patrick.

This is the SquarePants
Flyer Mark III.

All you do is remove

the brick... or ballast...

and... Huh?

Well, back to the drawing board.

Can we have the cake now?

♪ Happy, happy birthday
to you. ♪

Patrick, get ready
to say, "Eureka!"

Okay.

Go!

It's working.

I'm flying.

Hey, look at that guy
tied to a kite.

Why is he doing that?
Oh, my goodness.

ONLOOKER:
Get down!
Get down from there!

Do not be afraid,
Earthbound people.

I am not a flying monster.

I am just one of you.

( screams )

Ow, Patrick!
Ow, Patrick!

Ow, Patrick!

Ow, Patrick!

SPONGEBOB:
Excuse me, sir,

but I'd like
to return this kite.

Hey, I know you.

Yeah, from today's paper.

SPONGEBOB:
"Local nutcase tries to fly!"

l'm a nutcase
because I follow my dreams?

Well, they laughed at the guy
who invented light bulbs, too!

No, they didn't.

You'll see.

Look, Mom, it's
the Birdman of Bikini Bottom.

Wow, I wonder why
he's still using his legs.

Come on, Birdman.

Flap your wings and fly.

( both laughing )

Hey, Birdman...

going to check on your eggs?

Maybe he's looking

for a statue to poop on.

( clucking )

( all laughing )

Go on and laugh,

but it is a sad day
in Bikini Bottom

when a guy is ridiculed
for having dreams.

You think you're the only one

with unfulfilled dreams?

l was supposed to
be a concert pianist

until I realized
I didn't have any fingers.

We all had dreams.

What makes you so special?

ALL:
Let's get him!

( panting )

Huh?

( screaming )

Good riddance...
dreamer!

( SpongeBob screaming )

( tires squeal )

( screaming )

Well, it can't get any worse.

Ow!

I guess I spoke too soon.

There they go again, Gary.

Ah... I suppose I'll never
join them in the sky.

l'll be stuck on the ground,
sentenced to a flightless life.

Oh, well, I guess all dreams
aren't meant to come true.

Back to reality.

( Gary meows )

No, Gary, my dreams are silly.

( telephone rings )

( whooshing )

Hello.

No, this isn't

the Birdman of Bikini Bottom.

What?

No, I certainly do not
live in a birdcage.

Who is this?

"Joe Mama"?

Well, listen up, Joe.

I hate to break it to you,
but flying is impossible!

I have to go now.

My head just hit the ceiling.

Huh?

Hey, look, Gary!

I... I think
I'm flying!

Jellyfish Fields, here I come!

Mom, look!

It's the flying guy!

Wow! I guess he
wasn't a lunatic
after all.

I'm flying! I'm flying!

CHORUS:
♪ He's flying, he's flying ♪

♪ He's really, really flying! ♪

♪ They laughed, they scoffed,
before I had liftoff. ♪

CHORUS:
♪ But now he's flying,
he's flying high in the sky... ♪

♪ I'd love to hang around
to say "I told you so" ♪

♪ But it's off to
Jellyfish Fields I go... ♪

♪ Roads and streets
are not for me... ♪

WOMAN:
♪ Help! Please help! ♪

♪ My snail is up a tree. ♪

♪ I've had her since
I was a little girl ♪

♪ But now it looks like
the end of her world. ♪

( branch snaps )

No!

Gotcha!

( laughing )

Next time, try the elevator.

Thank you, Birdman!

SPONGEBOB:
♪ I have never felt so free ♪

♪ High in the sky
is the place for me. ♪

♪ Helping friends
from up above ♪

♪ These are the things
that I love... ♪

♪ I'll help Mr. Krabs
reclaim his dime. ♪

I'm rich!

SPONGEBOB:
♪ And I'll save Patrick
from this mime! ♪

Thanks, buddy!

♪ Even Plankton
needs some help ♪

♪ When he gets tangled
in the ke... el... el... elp! ♪

Please put me down.

All of Bikini Bottom is abuzz
over the identity

of a mysterious flying man
who helps people.

He found my hairpiece.

He helps people... and he flies
and he helps people...

Who knows what
superhero act of courage

he'll astound us with next?

( foghorn blowing, dies out )

Oh, no, the light
in the Goo Lagoon
lighthouse went out,

and sailor Jenkins is
headed for the coastline!

JENKINS:
I'm glad I gave up farming.

I'm coming!

( foghorn blows )

( cheering )

Thanks, mysterious flying man!

l knew no good
would come from city folk

and their flying machines!

That's enough good deeds
for one day.

l've got a date
with a flock of jellyfish.

SpongeBob, son, I need you
and your magical pants!

But, Mr. Krabs,
I invented these pants

so I could fly
with the jellyfish.

If I keep doing favors
for people,

I'll never get to
make my dreams a reality.

But, SpongeBob,
it's an emergency!

( shoes screech )

Let's roll.

Where to, Mr. K?

Uh, my garage.

SPONGEBOB:
You got it!

What's the emergency,
Mr. Krabs?

You sure you're up for it, boy?

I think my pants can handle it.

I need you...

Yes?

to clean...

Clean up crime?

my garage.

That's your emergency?

But, SpongeBob, everyone knows

it's easier to clean a garage
when you can fly.

All right, Mr. Krabs,
I'll clean your garage.

But after this, no more favors!

All done, Mr. Krabs.

And the recyclables?

Aw, shrimp.

Finally!

Jellyfish Fields, here I come!

PATRICK:
SpongeBob!

Patrick's in trouble.

SpongeBob! SpongeBob!

What is it, buddy?

Will you scratch my tummy?

Ah...

Help me pick out a tie?

Clean my bathtub?

Balance my checkbook?

Help spread the word of evil?

Untangle my phone cord?

Do my geometry?

Talk to my plants?

Rub my scalp?

Mmm... oh, yeah!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

l'm supposed to
be at Jellyfish
Fields right now,

but instead I'm
rubbing your scalp,

and I don't even
know who you are.

But we went to
elementary school together.

Dennis?

Mmm... oh, yeah!

( all calling SpongeBob )

lf I don't give these
feverish favor-seekers the slip,

I'll never get to fly
with the jellyfish.

( all calling SpongeBob )

Hey, there he is!

He's getting away!

No, he owes us favors!

Get him!

( all shouting angrily )

I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields!

I'm going to make it!

He's headed for
Jellyfish Fields!

We'll never catch him now!

JENKINS:
I'll take care of this!

ALL:
It's Cannonball Jenkins!

( expl*si*n )

I told you nothing good

would come from city folk
and their flying machines!

( SpongeBob whizzing
to the sea bottom )

( loud crash )

MALE FISH:
What have we done?

( sobbing )

Come on, everybody!

I think a proper burial
is in order.

A pair of pants like these
come around once in a lifetime.

Well, it was fun
while it lasted.

I guess I'm not meant to fly
after all.

( sighs )

Huh?

Hey, my jellyfish friends
are helping me fly!

Without pants!

I guess it just goes to show...

♪ You don't need
a plane to fly ♪

♪ Plastic wings
may make you cry ♪

♪ Kites are made
for windy days ♪

♪ Lawn chair with balloons
fly away... ♪

♪ Inflatable pants... ♪

♪ You may as well skip... ♪

♪ If you want to fly,
all you need... ♪

Is friendship.

Yeah.

( song ends )

Good-bye, jellies!

You taught me a valuable lesson!

Although I'm not quite sure
what it was.

Hey, let's fly down
to the pizza house
for a slice.

No more flying for me, Patrick.

I'll leave that
to the jellyfish.

Suit yourself.

Did Patrick just...

( laughing )

Nah.

PATCHY:
Wow!

Wasn't that great, kids?

Let's watch it again.

That's a great idea, Potty.

Where's the remote?

Where's the remote?

Oh, I lost the remote!

They should make those things...

( groans )

( squawks )

Oh!

Ah!

My remote!

Thanks, stranger!

Don't mention it, Patchy!

( tires squealing )

Ah, now...

which one of these
cockamamie buttons is "Rewind"?

( cheering from TV )

Oh, that's not it.

Wrong again!

( shouting angrily )

( grumbling )

( squawks )
Let me do it!

Get away!

That's the light switch!

Give me that!

( button clicks )

( mariachi band playing )

That's the
"Mariachi Band" button.

I hate technology!

( clicking buttons )

Rewind, darn you.

( tape squeaking )

( squawks )

Failure ahoy.

No, stop, stop!

Go back... infernal machine!

( shouts )

Oh, no, I've ruined
the lost episode!

Now it's lost forever!

( band continues playing )

Lost forever!

NARRATOR:
Oh, boy, what a loser.

Well, I guess the lost episode
will remain lost.

But tape or no tape, as long
as there are stars in the sky,

SpongeBob will live on
in our hearts and in our minds.

Now get lost... I mean, bye.

No, really, get lost.