05x11 - Goo Goo Gas/Le Big Switch

[bunniefuu]

(slurping)

Ha-ha!

Hold it right there,
Plankton.

Krabs!

I'll take that.

How did you know it was me?

Next time wear a disguise
without your initial on it.

Hmm, perhaps a pepper shaker
was a bit obvious.

You think?

SpongeBob!

(vacuum cleaner whirring)

VOICE:
Three, two, one, launch.

(screaming)

(loud crash)

(sobbing)
Never, never! I'll never get
Krabs's formula!

Mr. Krabs is too powerful.

If only there were a way
to render him helpless.

WOMAN:
Aw, look at you.

You're so small,
tiny and helpless.

Hey, I resent that! Huh?!

Why, you're so tiny
and helpless,

I could take your formula
whenever I wanted to,

and you couldn't do
a thing about it.

(bawling)

Something about that woman
reminds me of my mother.

That's it!

Finally, victory will be mine.

I'll turn Eugene Krabs
into a powerless...

baby.

Ooh, a penny!
A trail of pennies!

(sniffing)

(door shuts)

Ooh?

(laughing)

I've done it!

Nothing can stop me now.

My goo goo gas
will transform Krabs

into a tiny, helpless infant.

The key to The Krusty Krab.

This was easier than I hoped.

(cooing)

Hmm, he's a little bigger
than I imagined.

Tiny...

Whoa!

No, no!

(screaming)

Ooh!

Whoa!

(cooing)

Hey, a baby!

What are you doing
out here all alone, baby?

I'll take charge of you
until your mommy shows up.

(laughs)

Oh, aren't you just too cute?!

Koochie-koochie-koo.

(both laugh)

PLANKTON:
Hello?!

If you're done making a total
fool of out of yourself,

I could use some help
with this lock.

Oh, sure thing, Plankton.

There you go, little guy.

Yes! My plan
is working perfectly.

Now that I've turned Krabs
into a helpless baby,

the Krabby Patty formula
will be mine. (laughs)

Huh?

Hello.

Police! Police!

Fools, you'll never hold me.

These primitive shackles
are no match for my genius.

That was easy.

PLANKTON:
I'm free! Free!

Oh, Squidward,
thank Neptune
you're here.

I found this baby all alone,
but he wasn't really alone.

He was with Plankton,
and he's not a baby!

It's Mr. Krabs.

Plankton turned him
into an infant

so he could steal the
Krabby Patty formula.

(burps)

What do we do, Squidward?!

Don't know about you,

but I'm going
on my coffee break.

A very long coffee break.

And then that blasted sponge
called the cops.

That's just not cricket.

Now I'll never be
a tyrannical overlord.

COMPUTER:
Do I have to tell you
how to do everything?

Next time, spray SpongeBob, too.

Not sure I follow you.

Listen carefully.

Spray...
Yes.

Sponge...
Uh-huh.

Bob...
Right.

... too.
Now you're just talking
gibberish.

What I really need is to spray
Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob.

That's just what I...

Ah, I don't want to hear

any more
of your loony schemes, Karen.

I've got work to do.

Ah, what's wrong,
Mr. Baby Krabs?

Are you thirsty?

That's it.
Drink up.

(crying)

Okay, maybe you're hungry.

How about a nice,
hot Krabby Patty?

(bawling)

Yikes, not even
a Krabby Patty helps.

How about a stack of s?

(cooing happily)

PLANKTON: Hands
in the air!

Plankton!

That's right, SpongeBob,
l'm back.

And you won't stop me this time.

What?! SpongeBob's a baby,
but Krabs is back to normal?

It seems a second dose
acts as an antidote.

One squirt equals baby;
two squirts equals adult.

Or is it three squirts for baby
and four squirts for adults?

(clicking)
Barnacles! I've run out of gas!

MR. KRABS:
Ahem.

Krabs!

Nice diaper.

Hold on, hold on,
l think I...

Yes! I've got it!

There'd better be something
other than bills in here.

Plankton!

Peekaboo!

(Plankton chuckling,
Krabs screaming)

l can't tolerate
your stinking gas!

(flatulence)
That makes two of us.

I don't do it on purpose.

You'll never catch
me, Plankton!

Never! Ooh!

Another penny!

Come to Papa!

Now, what were
we doing?
This!

(coughing, sputtering)

What's the matter, baby?

You gonna cry?

What the heck happened to you?

This isn't baby gas.

It's senior citizen spray!

Eh? What was that, sonny?

Out of my way, Methuselah.

You're old and useless.

Hold it right there!

Old people are
our greatest natural resource.

I salute you, elder citizenry.

l'm getting old
listening to this.

Let's try this again.

I remember when a quarter
used to cost a nickel.

(giggling)

This baby gas is worthless!

At least you're way too old

to stop me from stealing
a Krabby Patty.

What was that, sonny?

It'll take more time to explain
than you have left.

What?

(Plankton chuckling)

He's got the Krabby Patty!

Catch him!

Catch who?

Oh. Gesundheit.

(maniacal laughter)

Victory is mine!

(gasps)

(panting, yelling)

Come back here, you
little whippersnapper.

You kids get off my lawn!

(whimpers)

Oh, boy.

I'll catch up with you, boy.

l'm catching up
with my knitting.

That's it!

Knit, you
little nitwit.

That was almost too easy.

Wha...?!

No...!

I demand you geezers release me!

Right after the party.

The piñata party!

Why?!

That's for calling us old!

Hey! Quit it!

I want candy!

PLANKTON:
No...!

PLANKTON:
One squirt

plus adult, carry the two,

gas vector minus
body weight, mm-hmm,

square root of SpongeBob...

Of course!

The final ingredient
that I've been lacking.

It's so simple yet so evil.

And I know just the place
to get it.

Excuse me, what aisle
did you get that from?

You mean the Kelpo?

No, that thing!

The ugly, drippy
smelly thing.

Are you talking about my baby?

Creep!

(panting)

Ow! Ow! Ow!

(groaning)

(gasps)

Baby powder!

This could be just what I need.

Hey, buddy, is this made

from real or
artificial babies?

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

PLANKTON:
That powdered baby
did the trick.

Now my baby gas
can't possibly fail!

Just like all your other plans
that couldn't possibly fail?

What is it now, Karen?

l'm saying
you should test your gas

before you run over there
all willy-nilly.

That's an excellent idea!

And I know just the guinea pig.

(gasps):
Plankton!

Don't you dare!

Karen! Speak to me!

It worked!

Everyone say your ABCs!

Now when you turn into babies...

(both
bawling) you stay babies!

Hey, Krabs, catch!

(bawling)

What's wrong, little fella?

(both bawling)

(several bawling)

(panicked yelling)
(bawling continues)

(bawling)

My moment of triumph!

Whoa!

What the...?

PLANKTON:
Oh, gross!

l command you
to stop drooling on me!

Goo!
(shrieks)

Put me down!

(rattles)

Ow!

(rattling)
Stop it!

I'm an adult!

(gasps)

(speaks baby talk)

Yow!

(yelling)

Huh?

I don't believe it.

The Krabby
Patty formula!

He's teething on it!

Give it here, you
big, stupid baby.

(grunts):
Ow!

(giggling)

(groaning)

Uh-oh!

I've got it!

Just like taking candy
from a baby!

Get it, Krabs?

Like taking candy
from you!

Hey! What are
you doing?

♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪

Ooh!

(expl*si*n)

Uh-oh.

Ahem? Mama's evil little genius
needs a diaper!

(bell dinging)

(cheerfully):
Order up!

Go now and bless the taste buds
of your lucky connoisseur.

(gagging, gasping)

It went in my mouth, ugh!

Choking on sentiment!

Like poison!

Okay, you sit this
one out, Squidward.

This will be a special
delivery from the chef.

For your dining pleasure,

two double Krabby Patties,
cooked to perfection

complimented by a
side of Coral Bits

and a Jumbo Diet Soda.

Topped off
with a little extra love.

(wheezing)

Enjoy.

(sighs happily)

It's the little details

that they really appreciate,
isn't it, Squidward?

(groaning)

Oh, yeah, you've really
touched his life.

(smacking, snorting)

Nothing beats making quality
food for good people

with discriminating tastes.

Quality food?!

Yeah!
Good people?!

Uh-huh.
Discriminating tastes?!

Testify!

D'oh!

(hyperventilating)

Only pathetic losers

with horrible taste
would eat this garbage!

(sobbing)

(wailing)

Squidward, the Krusty
clientele needs to be

cuddled and treated
with respect.

There, there.

Mr. Krabs would be ashamed.

All right, you filthy
bilge rats!

Mr. Krabs?

You got three seconds
to get out of me restaurant

before I kick you out.

Fine, have it your way.

(screaming)

What's happening,
Mr. Krabs?

Ah, we don't need
those losers anymore.

I'm turning the restaurant
into one of those

fancy froufrou places,

where they charge big bucks
for itsy-bitsy portions.

Fancy froufrou?

We're getting a gourmet chef
from the Chef Exchange program,

and I'm going to raise
me prices to the roof.

(laughing)

Chef Exchange Program?

(laughing)

Oh... uh, yeah.

Well, you're being shipped off

to some other restaurant,
somewhere far away from here.

The details are kind of hazy.

But I packed your bags
and your bus leaves

in five minutes.

Heh, looks like it's early.

It was that easy?

All these years...

I've underestimated the power
of public transportation.

Welcome to the Krusty Krab.

Does your middle name
happen to be

"No SpongeBob Within A Thousand
Kilometers Of Here?"

(both laughing)

I find you disgusting.

However, my
culture dictates

that I must kiss
you, regardless.

Well, he's just
as affectionate as the boy.

But the surly attitude

is a step in the
right direction.

(sniffling)

HEAD CHEF:
What is this rubbish?

l would not wipe my
own bottom with this.

Start over!

And this?

(slurps, smack lips)

I would not wash
my own bottom with this

after carefully wiping
and wiping and wiping.

Now go, stand in the corner

and think about
what you have done.

And where is my exchange chef?

SPONGEBOB:
Um, right here, sir.

(laughing)

There you are!
Bonjour.

Ooh! (giggles)

Now, get to your station

and prepare me your best dish!

(bell dings)

This is not funny,

and I certainly did not

exchange my top sous chef

for a... how you say?

Comedian.

(toilet flushing)

Prepare me
a gourmet dish now!

l'm sure with all
my years in the kitchen

I can make something
other than...

(nervous chuckling)

Just warming up.

(growling)

(screaming)

Come on, SpongeBob.

(whistling)

(bell dings)
No!

(growling)

Just one egg and...

No!

Nope. That's not
it either.

You are making
a mockery of my...

This taste is...

is fantastic.

What do you call it?

A Krabby Patty.

The whole world must taste this!

Hey, Squidward!

Look at this.

We're charging
smackeroos for this little guy.

(laughing)

(sniffing)

Oh!

What is that?

I don't know.

Some kind of bean
paste or something.

Oh, monsieur!

It is the rare fruit
of the kazook tree.

So, it's supposed to smell
like rotten gym socks?

Its naturally rancid odor

can only be neutralized
by shredded gold.

Shredded... (gulps) gold?!

(grinding)

Couldn't we use less
expensive ingredients?

Price can be no object

when dealing with exquisite
food like this.

lt must be
prepared with only

the finest ingredients,

and eaten with only
the finest silverware,

while sitting
on the finest furniture.

This is not the chair I ordered.

Yeah, well, you see,
those were out of stock.

And this fork of plastic,

spray-painted to look silver,
is it not?

(nervous laugh)

I cannot prepare food

under these conditions!

Monsieur SpongeBob,

although it is
in direct violation

of the Chef Exchange
Program rules,

let me assure you
that these kisses

are not merely a formality,

they are genuine.

I am sure that this
is only the beginning

of a long and...
(alarm beeping)

Well, my time here is up.

I'm officially a Krusty Krab
employee once again.

I apologize,

Monsieur SpongeBob, but you see,

my customers have grown

rather fond
of your Krabby Patties.

(gasps):
The Krabby Patties!

I almost forgot.

These babies also belong
to the Krusty Krab.

(murmuring)

So long!

(gasping)

No, wait,
just one more.

I'm sorry, but I've got to go.

(sobbing)

I'm ruined.

Busted.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

PEARL (on phone):
Daddy!

The house is full of burglars!

Oh, no. Those aren't
burglars, Pearl.

Those are just
friendly repo men.

Mr. Krabs, tell these guys
to let go of me.

I, well, you know, until I come
up with the money I owe,

I'm afraid you'll be staying
with these nice gents.

You sold me?!

No!

Bartered is more like it.

They keep you,
I keep my kneecaps.

Come on, Mac.

You're pathetic!

Oh, Mr. Le Schnook.

I lost everything.

I'm bankrupt.

You and your fancy eats
are all I got left now.

Not quite.

My time in the Chef's Exchange
Program has expired.

So my "eats" and I are leaving.

This is for you.

Is it money?

It is the bill for my services.

One side, please.

(sniffling)

(sobbing)

Oh, I've been such a fool.

I turned away SpongeBob,

the best fry cook I ever had.

And it cost me everything!

SPONGEBOB:
Mr. Krabs.

l can still hear
his sweet little voice.

(lilting):
Mr. Krabs.

Okay, now I'm scared.

Mr. Krabs!

Darn, his cursed
mocking voice.

I... SpongeBob?

Ahoy, Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob, me boy.
You come back!

And you brought customers!

(clamoring)

Well, Mr. Squidward,
all's well that ends well.

I got me poor, disgusting,
old clientele back,

and my rich, disgusting,
new clientele to boot.

(belching)
l'm back in business.

Couldn't you at least
give them tables to eat on?

Oh-ho, no way.

See, I've learned you
can't buy customer loyalty

with fancy tables,
froufrou food

or even sanitary
conditions.

Hey, get back you.

Eat your own.

Nope, just good food
prepared with love.

Isn't that right, SpongeBob?

You got it, Mr. Krabs.

(gagging)

(both laughing)