05x19 - The Two Faces of Squidward/SpongeHenge

[bunniefuu]

SPONGEBOB & PATRICK:
♪ Squidward had a Krabby Patty ♪

♪ Krabby Patty ♪

♪ Krabby Patty ♪

♪ Squidward had a Krabby Patty ♪

♪ Its buns ♪
♪ Whose buns ♪

♪ Were white as snow... ♪

(frustrated sigh)

Welcome to The Krusty Krab,
where it's almost as if

the evolutionary clock
ticks backwards.

♪ Squidward had a Krabby Patty ♪

Excuse me for just a second.

♪ as snow... ♪
♪ as snow... ♪

Do you mind! I'm trying to work
at a fast-food restaurant.

You might want
to try it sometime!

I sure would, Squidward.
That sounds...

Hey, wait a minute.

SpongeBob, you already do work

at a fast-food restaurant.

Oh, yeah!

Yay!
Yay!

Remind me to fire my therapist.

And stop bringing
your neighbors to work!

PATRICK:
We're not just neighbors.

SPONGEBOB:
You can say that again.

PATRICK:
We're not just...
l don't care!

(nervous chuckle)

$ . , please.

♪ Krabby Patty, Krabby Patty,
Krabby Patty... ♪

(exasperated grunt)

All right!
I am gonna...

Well, I don't know
what I'm gonna do, but...

♪ She'll be coming around
the Krabby Patty ♪

(loud thud, yelling)
♪ When she comes... ♪

SpongeBob, you nincompoop,

you broke my face!

Don't just stand there...
help me!

I need a doctor!

(woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. system)

(door bangs open)

(loud gasp)

Oh, Doctor!

Is he gonna be all right!

For the love of Neptune,
tell me!

Well, son...
No! Don't tell me!

I can't take it!

(sobbing loudly)

We should know...
Oh, no, please.

Just... just don't.

We won't know for two weeks.

You'll just
have to wait.
Two weeks.

I'll never make it.

Morning, SpongeBob.

You're early today.

Good morning, Nurse Ratched.

Hi, Mabel. Saved the
blue one just for you.

Oh, SpongeBob!

Blue is my favorite color.

Uh, or is it orange?

(laughs):
Don't worry, Mabel,

l'll bet your amnesia's
gonna wear off in no time.

My what?

Hiya, Squidward!

l've been practicing
how to flop on my back.

(muffled, high-pitched shouting)

We can't really have you
in here today.

I'm going to be removing
Squidward's bandages,

and he made me swear
to keep you far away from him.

It's been two weeks already?

Don't worry, Doc, I promise
to stay out of the way.

Okay. As long as you stay
on the other side of the...

(groans):
Right.

Don't rush it.

Sorry. Go ahead.

Wait!

What is it?!

Are you sure the patient has...?
(speaks gibberish)

I have no idea what that is.

Please, just let me work.

Very well, Doctor, carry on.

May I?

Hold it!

The readings on this
brain meter are all wrong!

We must postpone the operation!

That is a television set

put here for
the patient's enjoyment.

And it's not even
plugged into the wall!

You're right, Doc.

Proceed with Operation Sever.

Hold it!

Now what?!

(feminine voice):
Doctor, we can't do this.

Surely we can use
a less dangerous
procedure... after all,

we have to start thinking
about the welfare of...

SPONGEBOB:
Wait!

What could it possibly
be this time?

l just wanted to say sorry
for interrupting you before.

(grunts)

(gasps)

I... I...

I can't believe it.

(shudders)

SQUIDWARD:
SpongeBob?
Yeah?

How does it look?

Great Neptune.

Come on, spit it out!
I can take it!

Time for your medicine,
Mr.... Mr....

(stammers)

Handsome!

Ah...

What did she
call me?
Handsome.

But she spelled it wrong. Quick,
hand me that mirror!

What...

Wait a second.

That nurse was right.

I am handsome!

Uh, Squidward,
you're not handsome.

You're a hunk!

(gasps)

So handsome!

Handsome!

Hello, handsome!

Gee, Squidward, people
really seem to be noticing

how handsome you are now.

You might even be more
handsome than before.

Aah! So handsome!

(chuckles):
If that's even possible.

(gasps)

It's a miracle!

I can walk!

I can see!

I can fly!

Uh-oh, my shoe's untied!

Mr. Handsome,
can I have your autograph?

No, not in the book.

On my retainer.

A limousine?
A limousine?

(crowd cheering)

Well, SpongeBob, earlier today
my spine was hurting,

but now I'm resting
on fine leather upholstery.

(crowd shouting excitedly)

(flashbulbs popping)

(crowd continues
shouting excitedly)

Now I'm gonna go clip
my toenails, Squidward.

Don't forget to
enjoy being handsome.

Oh, don't worry.

CROWD (chanting):
Handsome! Handsome!

Handsome! Handsome!

(crickets chirping)
Handsome! Handsome!

(crowd continues chanting)

(crickets chirping)
Handsome! Handsome!

(chirping stops)
Handsome! Handsome!

(chanting continues)
lt's day, huh?

Well, better go greet
the commoners.

CROWD:
Handsome! Handsome!

Handsome! Handsome!

Good morning, my people!

I'm sorry to have
kept you waiting,

(chuckles) but even I...

strange as it seems,
need my beauty sleep.

I want his shirt!

I want his eyelids!

(crowd screaming)

(panting)

I guess I kept them waiting
a little too long.

I know.

A little music

should soothe their hunger.

(crowd chanting)

(playing melody)

(melody playing, crowd chanting)

Hey, what is that sound?

Wait, it's him...
The handsome man!

(cheering)

(cheering continues)

Beautiful and talented.

What more do they want?

Don't worry, folks, there's
more where that came from.

Hey!

I got the clarinet!

(crowd shouting)

(punches landing, yelling)

(sniffs, sighs)

There's nothing a little
foaming herbal bath can't cure.

Hey, my grandmother
gave me that soap!

Well... no one ever said it'd be
easy being so handsome, Squiddy.

(chuckles): You'll just have
to start getting used...

(yells)

Hi, handsome.

Handsome!
Handsome!

Handsome!

Ah!

Let's get him!

Aah!

(crowd shouting)

SpongeBob!

You got to help me!
They stole my bubble bath!

Public life ain't all
it's cracked up to be!

I want my old life back!

Hmm, I know just what to do.

(people yelling)

(rumbling)

MR. KRABS:
Squidward!

What have you done?

You know what The Krusty Krab

means to me, don't you?

And you took it upon yourself
to bring all these... these...

customers

(register chings)
to me.

Ah, don't worry, folks.

There's plenty of Squidward
to go around.

So everybody just line up
and get your pocketbooks out.

For a small fee of $ .
per person,

everyone will get the
opportunity to touch Squidward.

We don't have much time.

Take the door
and change me back.

And I'll even throw in a free
soft drink for an extra $ . .

Come on, SpongeBob,
take the door

and smash my face back.

I can't.

lt was one thing
doing it by accident,

but I can't hurt
you on purpose.

You'd better hurt me,
or I'm really gonna hurt you!

Well, okay.

Now don't hold back, SpongeBob,
just really let me have it.

Just remember, Squidward...

this is going to hurt me more
than it's going to hurt you.

Um, okay, let me
just memorize...

(loud clang, yells)

Hey! I wasn't ready!

(loud clang, throbbing)

Would you mind waiting
till I...?!

Hang on, you're starting to look
like your old self again.

Nope.
Still too handsome.

It's still not working.

Maybe I'm not doing it
hard enough.

Uh, hang on a sec...

Let me...

(groans)

Eek! Squidward, you're
even more handsome now!

(screaming)

And the crowd is in a frenzy.

Well, SpongeBob, it was you
who got me into this mess,

now you have to
get me out again.

I know, Squidward!

(grunts):
I'll think of something.

(grunts):
I just need...

(grunts):
I just...

(slo-mo):
got me into...

Squidward!

Look out for that falling shoe!

Huh?!

(screaming)

Squidward!

SpongeBob.
(crowd murmurs)

You're back!

Oh, Squidward,

I love you, no matter how many
times we smash your face.

l almost wish
that meant something.

(crowd grumbling)

Hey! Where you going?

Don't leave me!

Please, I'm begging you!

Look, I can make him
handsome again!

Watch!

See?

He's getting handsome.

It just... takes a little...
effort.

Just a little... elbow grease.

Please!

Come back...!

(wind whistling)

Neptune's stirred up
quite a gale tonight.

He must be mad
about something.

(cackles):
That's silly.

Everyone knows Poseidon
is ruler of the undersea.

My leftovers!

(cries):
No...!

Why, dear Neptune?!

(gentle snoring)

(gasps)

Mm-hmm.
Goulash.

Hey, out there!
You dropped your goulash!

Hello...!

(hollow whistling)

My pores are whistling
in the wind.

(hollow whistling)

(giggles)

(pores whistling)

(giggling)

(whistling)

(whistling and squeaking)

(giggling)

(hollow whistling)

(whistling tune)

(steady humming)

♪ ♪

(pores whistling melody)

(giggling):
That tickles.

(pores whistling melody)

Aw, the little critter
likes my whistling pores.

(giggling)

That tickles!

(giggling)

Well...

my shift's over.

(dings)
Time for work, SpongeBob.

All right, Jelly, out you go.

(takes deep breath)

lt's been real fun,
but I got to get to work.

Quite a wind this morning,
eh, Jelly?

Whoa!

Hey, Sparky,
can you tell your friends

I don't have time to play
right now?

(giggling):
Oh, no, please!

(cackling)

Stop it!
Please, stop it!

Whoa...!

(screams):
Oh! I'm gonna be late!

l told you guys
I don't have time to play.

I have not been tardy one time
in my career as a fry cook.

And I'm not gonna start today.

(grunting, yells)

(grunting and gasping)

I need to call in some help.

My fingers are too big
for the buttons.

(ringing)

Hello, it's me, the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs, I need you!

SpongeBob, where you been?

Customers are blowing in here
like nobody's business.

I am sorry, Mr. Krabs.

But these jellyfish don't
want me to go to work.

Jellyfish? They're attracted
to my...

whistley holes.

Uh...

I'll never understand
what you just said.

But if it's transportation
you need, I know just the thing.

Whoa!

Gotcha!

Ooh! This one's
putting up a fight.

(screaming gibberish)

Fighting too hard.

(yelling gibberish)

lf you're gonna reel him in,
Krabs, you got to wear him down.

(yelling)

Give him a little slack.

Yank.

Give it a little slack.

Then yank!

There he is,

ready for work.

Run back there, boy.

Now get in there and start
pushing out them patties.

Aye, aye, sir.

Let's get these patties
started right!

Whoo!

That gives me an idea.

(bell dings)
Order up!

(humming)

Ooh...

(hollow whistling)

(pores whistling melody)

(gasps)
Oh!

(rattling)

Oh, no!
They found me!

No! No, no, guys, please!

Would you mind coming back
after business hours?

I'm trying to work here.

(screams):
Whoa...!

WEATHERMAN:
The weather situation is much
worse across the country...

and it doesn't look like
the winds are going to stop

anytime soon...!

(chuckling)

Fishy go bye-bye.

Ow!
(crash)

And that's the way it is
in Your World Today.

Boring!

l don't want to watch
any of this boring stuff.

I want to watch something
decent, like...
Sorry, Patrick.

I need a place to hide
from those jellyfish.

What jellyfish?

Ever since the wind started,

a sound whistles
through my holes

that jellyfish seem to love.

(pores whistling tune)

(jellyfish buzzing rhythmically)

(teeth chattering)

Hey, pal.

(screams):
Oh!

SpongeBob!

Get out of here!

I'm sorry, SpongeBob,

but you've become
a negative influence!

At least the wind stopped.

(screams)

(whimpering)

I think I lost them.

Well, I guess I should
just stay in here...

where it's safe...

and quiet...

and dark.

(chuckles nervously, gulps):
lt's okay.

I'll only hide out here
for a second.

Yeah, it shouldn't take long.

Behind these rocks...

these sedentary, lifeless rocks.

Hey, buddy, just thought
I'd spruce you up a little.

What's that?

Ooh, you don't say.

Well, guess what?

You're my best friend, too.

Mm-hmm.

Come on, let's have some fun.

Look, buddy! Mm...!

Dinner's ready.

Here, let's have some tea.

(teapot breaks)

Want some sugar, buddy, hmm?

One lump or two?

Oh, you can have it all.

I feel comfortable around you.

Can I confess something?

'Cause I know you'll understand.

I have this problem.

I seem to attract jellyfish.

(laughs)

How do you handle
a thing like that, hmm?

Yeah, yeah, I'm at a loss, too.

Oh, barnacles!

I'm going to be stuck
in this cave forever!

(pipelike whistling)

(gasps)

Of course, buddy,
brilliant idea!

(grunting)

We'll see what happens
this time.

(pores whistling)

Oh, here they come!

Go get 'em, buddy!

(pores whistling,
jellyfish buzzing)

(steady buzzing)

(blows raspberry)

(pores whistling melody)

(chuckles nervously):
Hey, guys.

Long time, no see.

What do you think of
my little friend's song?

(whistling off-key)

(resumes whistling melody)

Something wrong?

(electrical buzzing)
(screams)

Hmm, I created
one stone SpongeBob

that uttered a note
in a foul key.

But if I were to craft another
in a different size,

the dimensions
of that hollow center

multiplied by the number
of holes

may offer another tune,

one that could soothe
those jellyfish.

But which one
is the right size?!

Eh, I guess I'll just
have to make a bunch of them.

(humming happy tune)

(laughing)

Okay, that should do 'er.

(hollow whistling)

(pores continue whistling tune)

(jellyfish buzzing)

(buzzing and whistling continue)

Whoa.

It actually worked.

(sighs):
They're finally
leaving me alone.

I can go back to work now.

(yells)

Krusty Krab, here I come!

Oh!

How long was I gone?

(screams):
No...!

(screaming and crying)

To this day, no one knows why

these mysterious statues
were created or by whom.

All we know is the genius
of their design has caused

the annual migration
of jellyfish

to their wondrous tune.

(pores whistling tune,
jellyfish buzzing)

(SpongeBob yelling)