06x08 - Patty Caper/Plankton's Regular

[bunniefuu]

Are ya ready, kids?

Kids: aye, aye, captain.

I can't hear you.

Kids: [shouting]

Aye, aye, captain.

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

Kids: ♪ spongebob squarepants ♪

Captain: ♪ absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

Kids: ♪ spongebob squarepants ♪

Captain: ♪ if nautical nonsense

Be somethin' you wish ♪

Kids: ♪ spongebob squarepants ♪

Captain: ♪ then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

Kids: ♪ spongebob squarepants ♪

Captain: ♪ ready? ♪

All: ♪ spongebob squarepants ♪

♪ Spongebob squarepants ♪

♪ Spongebob squarepants ♪

Captain: ♪ spongebob

Squarepants ♪

[Captain laughing]

[Whistling]

[Waves crashing...

Seagulls squawking]

♪

You wanted to see me, sir?

Pull up a seat, boy.

Mr. Krabs,

There aren't any chairs.

Sit down.

Now, you've worked here

For quite some time, boy.

Oh, yes, sir, and they've been

The best years of my life, sir.

That sad fact aside, midway

Through today's lunch rush

We ran out of

The secret ingredient

To the secret formula.

[Gasping]

No!

Listen up, boy.

Any minute now, a truck driver

Is going to arrive

And I'm entrusting you to

Retrieve the secret ingredient.

And I need you to do this

Without any foul-ups.

Understand?

Could you repeat that?

It's time!

[Siren blaring...]

Now go!

And make sure to guard it

With your life!

I won't let you down.

Wait!

Yes?

If something happens

To that secret ingredient

Don't bother coming

Back to work.

[Whimpering]

You bob pants?

Uh, spongebob.

Close enough.

Now get out of here, kid.

Plenty of folks

Would love to get a hold

Of that ingredient.

Yes, sir.

And now, let's get you

Into the krabby patties,

Secret "ingredienty."

[Gasping]

Where is it?

Where is it, where is it?

No!

What's gonna happen to

The krabby patty secret recipe?

What's this?

A hole?

How did that happen?

A clean incision.

Almost as if someone,

Or something,

Did this on purpose.

That's it!

A thief must've cut

A hole and swiped

The secret ingredient.

But who?

Mr. Krabs: spongebob!

What are you doing,

Lollygagging about?

Get back to work.

[Stammering], right away, sir.

Hop to it.

There's lots of hungry

Customers out there.

[Groaning]

Mr. Krabs trusted me,

And I let him down.

Patrick: hi, spongebob.

Hi, patrick.

Maybe you can help me.

-With what?

-With this.

Here you go, buddy.

Not that kind of help.

This used to have

The krabby patty

Secret ingredient inside.

But now, it's missing.

What?

Someone stole it, patrick.

And we need to find out who.

Find out!

You and I are gonna have to do

A little detective work.

What are we eating

This time, karen?

Computer voice: something new.

Oh, you mean the secret recipe

I came up with?

Spongebob: ah-ha!

I knew it was you!

What was me?

Oh, come on, plankton.

Don't play dumb.

You know you stole the secret

Krabby patty ingredient.

Psh.

Is this a joke?

Why don't you tell me?

Is it?

Uh... No?

[Laughing]

Good one.

[Laughing]

All right, no more jokes.

Either you tell me where

The secret ingredient is

Or we'll be forced to use

Other means of making you talk.

Sorry, I really

Have nothing for you.

Then how do you explain this?

[Groaning]

Ok, you've caught me.

And so, the truth floweth forth.

Yes, it is a krabby patty.

Mm-hm.

But it's my version

Of a krabby patty.

[Stammering]

After thousands of failed

Attempts to steal the recipe

I learned all but one ingredient

Needed to make krabby patties.

The most important ingredient.

The secret ingredient.

Over the years,

I've methodically gone through

Almost every letter

In the alphabet.

Right now, I'm on the "r"s, and

I've gotten up to raw sewage.

Yuck!

Try it.

Tell me what you think.

Well, he's clean.

But if plankton didn't steal

The ingredient, who did?

Good question.

Only someone who specializes

In science could

Reverse engineer the recipe

Based on the secret ingredient.

Hm, a scientist.

There she is.

You hang back.

I'm going in for a closer look.

[Gasping]

Oh my gosh.

It is sandy.

[Grunting]

Spongebob: enjoying them

Krabby patties, lady?

Spongebob.

How long you been

Standing there, buddy?

Oh, long enough, buddy.

I was just storing food

For the impending winter.

Want one?

I'm on to you, squirrel.

[Sniffing]

You thought no one

Could figure it out,

But I pieced it together.

I know exactly how you got

All those patties.

What exactly are you

Getting at, spongebob?

What I am getting at

Is that you cloaked yourself

In an invisibility potion...

Snuck through

The security perimeter...

What was that?

Here's the secret

Krabby patty ingredient.

Spongebob: then used

A time-freezing device

To freeze time...

Used a laser beam

To cut open the case

Stole the krabby patty

Secret ingredient,

Reverse engineered it

And made your own patties,

So you wouldn't have to pay.

Or perhaps, I walked into

The krusty krab, purchased them

And received a receipt for

These legally obtained patties.

Krabby patties.

[Laughing]

That's right.

I cooked this order.

I guess this means

You didn't use a laser beam

Or invisibility.

Spongebob, next time,

Before you run around

Accusing people of things

Make sure your own house

Is in order first.

My own house, huh?

Why'd you do it, gary?

[Squeaking]

You've told us that story

Times now, gary.

Unfortunately, my partner and I

Don't want to hear stories.

We want to hear the truth.

Look, we know you stole

The secret ingredient,

And it's obvious how you did it.

First, you hitched a ride

On a security chopper.

Then, jumped into the drop zone.

And then, when I stopped

To pull up my sock

You snuck up behind me and did

What any snail could do.

You shot corrosive acid

From your tear ducts,

Which melted the case

Allowing you to steal

The secret ingredient.

[Squeaking]

Yeah, you're right, gary.

That is impossible.

I never would have stopped

To pull up my sock

During a pickup.

[Squeaking]

What's that, gary?

[Squeaking]

You did see someone

Leaving the krusty krab

With a mysterious

Black case that night?

Mr. Snail, could you please

Describe this, this marauder

To the sketch artist.

[Squeaking]

[Patrick grunting...]

[Gary squeaking...]

[Gasping]

I can't believe it!

It was squidward.

Open up in there, tentacles.

We know you're in there.

We just want to ask you a few...

He's not cooperating.

You know what to do.

And one, and...

[Screaming]

We got you!

You thought you could

Hide your crimes.

But we "hear-ed"

What you've done.

If I cared,

I'd ask what this is about.

Well, I'm glad you asked

Because this is about

You stealing the krabby patty

Secret ingredient.

And we have an eyewitness

Who saw you leaving

The scene of the crime

With a mysterious black case.

A case like this?

Yes.

Because you can't

Make krabby patties without...

[Gasping]

Tap dancing shoes?

That's right.

I was in a tap contest

On the night in question

As you can see from

My third place medallion.

I guess this means you didn't

Steal the secret ingredient.

Get out of my house!

Spongebob: mr. Krabs!

I don't know how, sir, but...

But somebody stole the

Krabby patty secret ingredient!

Spongebob!

You were in charge of guarding

That secret ingredient

With your life.

I know, mr. Krabs.

It just slipped away

From me somehow.

Well, do you have

Any leads or clues?

All I know is that

It had to be someone

Who knew about the delivery

And was at the krusty krab

During the delivery.

And this person

Would have to know

What to do with the secret

Ingredient when he got it.

That would be you, spongebob.

You stole me secret ingredient.

Me?

That's right.

And I know exactly

How you carried out

This little caper.

You obviously set up a decoy

To take the delivery.

Then when no one was looking,

You swooped in,

Stole the secret ingredient

And spirited it away

To the chum bucket

Where you sold it to plankton

To make a quick buck.

Don't talk.

You can tell it to the cops,

'Cause I'm calling 'em

Right now.

No need.

We heard it all

From this barrel.

Then arrest this thief, officer.

Mr. Krabs, isn't that

The stolen secret ingredient?

[Gasping]

What are you talking

About, spongebob?

I'm not holding

Any secret ingredient.

Am I to understand that you

Stole the item in question?

Well, I wouldn't

Call it stealing.

And you were gonna

Let someone else take the fall

For this little caper.

I can explain.

Please do.

It's simple.

$ . Is a lot to pay

For the secret ingredient

Every time I get a delivery

So i... Took it,

To avoid paying, you know.

I think judge trout

Will be very interested

To hear this little story.

What?

What'd I do?

All rise.

Eugene krabs.

Your honor.

As punishment for committing

The crime of grand theft

I sentence you to give away

Krabby patties for free

All day tomorrow.

Give away me patties for free?

Oh, no.

I couldn't bear

The sight of that.

[Sobbing]

[Mr. Krabs screaming...]

Step right up and get

Your free krabby patties.

[Mr. Krabs screaming...]

[Laughing]

♪

[Plankton grumbling]

What is going on here?

[Screaming]

Computer voice:

What's wrong now?

Same as always.

Look.

Empty again.

So what are you gonna

Do about it?

I don't know anymore!

[Sobbing]

[Computer imitating crying]

Why don't you just work

On a new recipe?

What's the point?

I haven't had

A customer in years.

Male voice: hello?

Away with you!

Can't you see that

I'm self-loathing here?

Sorry.

I just wanted a chum stick.

What?

Yes, I'd like one

Of your chum sticks.

You're kidding, right?

No, I'm serious.

I want a chum stick.

Uh, ok.

If you insist.

Oh no, please don't sue me.

Creature: mm-mm.

[Slurping]

I can't believe someone

Actually enjoys my chum.

[Laughing]

Now, this was so good, I'm gonna

Have to come back tomorrow.

Here you go.

See you in the morning.

Did you see that?

I didn't even have to

thr*aten his life.

He loved it!

How'd you pull that off?

Well, it's simple.

Finally, someone came in

Who has good taste.

And he's coming back tomorrow.

Excuse me, karen,

But I got to whip up some more.

Now, I wait.

I wait until he returns.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

French narrator:

Eight hours later.

[Snoring]

[Chiming...]

Huh, nat, hello?

Huh?

What?

Ugh, it's closing time.

I should've known it was

Too good to be true.

Hey.

Well, hello, nat.

I came back like

I said yesterday.

You certainly did, didn't you?

[Chuckling]

I'd like another

Chum stick, please.

Well, it's your lucky day, nat.

I happen to have a quite

Delectable one right here.

Oh, boy.

Is it ok?

Ok?

It's perfection!

[Laughing]

Hey, how about I have another?

You bet you.

Ooh, boy.

I cannot believe how good

These things are.

Ah, well, you know.

All right, see you tomorrow.

What?

You're coming back again?

Oh, you know it.

And the day after that,

And the next week after that.

You've got a regular customer

On your hands.

Oh, my.

This is amazing.

At last, I've got my revenge.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

♪ Rolling, rolling, rolling ♪

♪ Money keeps on rolling along ♪

[Laughing]

One more time.

Whoa!

No way, plankton.

You're not getting me formula

This time or any time.

Don't bother.

There's no need.

What're you talking about?

I'm just saying, I no longer

Need to copy you, krabs.

I've got my own

Winning recipe now.

[Laughing]

You're really funny, man.

You think you can

Compete with me?

Look, plankton.

Look at all these

Loyal customers.

Loyal to me, plankton,

Not to you.

Nat: hey, plankton!

Can I get another one

Of your delicious chum sticks?

But of course, loyal customer.

[Grunting]

I'll see you later, loser.

Much later.

[Laughing]

Oh no.

How can this be?

Boy, front and center.

Yes, sir.

Plankton's trying

To overthrow me business.

He's got a customer

That actually likes his food.

You got to get that guy

Back on our side with

A couple of krabby patties.

Oh, you can count on me, sir.

Pardon me, you smart fellow.

Down here.

[Laughing]

Why settle for plankton's lumpy

Chum when you can enjoy a

Steaming krabby patty for free?

[Groaning]

No, thanks.

Barnacles.

There he is.

Just in time for breakfast.

Oh.

I am such a clumsy oaf.

I sure hope nothing happens

To this krabby patty

While I step carefully

Over this rock here.

Oh, no.

Too late.

No, no!

Oops.

Oops.

Oops.

Oops! Oops! Oops!

Oh, come on, nat.

Just one accidental bite.

[Panting]

I see you're not

Hungry right now.

But I'm telling you,

That krabby patty is gonna make

A great snack later.

Yeah, do me a favor.

From now on, keep those

Shabby patties to yourself.

Oh, fish paste.

Plankton: nat.

Back already?

That's the fifth time today.

Not that I'm surprised.

Karen, babe, fetch nat another

Plate of that sweet chum.

Yes, your diminutiveness.

Say, nat, do you

Have any friends?

No.

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

[Laughing]

Would you hurry up

With that chum, karen?

Spongebob: yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep your tiny

Pants on, plankton.

Bleep bloop.

There's your chum.

Bleep blap blop.

Hey, this doesn't

Look like chum.

And that doesn't

Look like karen.

Why, don't be ridiculous,

My husband.

Bleep blap.

Of course it's me.

What have you done

With karen, you brute?

[Mumbling and beeping]

How many times do I

Have to tell you?

I don't want to eat your trash!

Plankton's chum is my favorite

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I love chum!

So forget it.

I don't want

To eat anything else.

So you're saying

That you love chum?

And all that you ever

Eat is chum?

Yeah, that's right.

Interesting.

[Toilet flushing]

A shortcut to the chum bucket.

Hm, that must be for me.

[Whistling...]

Welcome, valued customer.

This isn't the chum bucket.

[Laughing]

Why go to the chum bucket

When the krusty krab has added

Tasty chum to our menu?

That's ok.

I only eat

Chum bucket brand chum.

But we've developed

A special recipe for the most

Discerning chum lovers.

Besides, I've locked

All the exits until

You give it a try.

So what do you say?

[Gagging]

You like it?

[Gagging]

It's...

Yeah?

It's...

[Gagging]

Well, what do you think?

It's the second foulest thing

I've ever tasted.

[Coughing]

I'm going back

To plankton's chum.

What am I gonna do?

I can't let plankton have

So much as one single customer.

[Sobbing]: I just

Can't afford it.

[Crying]

I guess you'll have to make chum

That's as good as plankton's.

But to do that, I'd need to know

How plankton makes his chum.

Hm.

That's it, boy-o.

Where could it be?

There.

Plankton's secret formula.

It's got to be in here.

[Siren blaring...]

[Gasping]

[Grunting]

[Laughing]

What do you think, krabs, baby?

This time, I caught you trying

To steal my secret formula.

Ironic, isn't it?

Unfortunately, I have

No way of knowing.

You see, crabs are not born with

An innate inkling of irony.

Ouch.

Double irony.

Spongebob: triple

Irony, plankton.

Though you nabbed krabs

Trying to steal your formula

I'm still here to foil

Your evil plans.

So it's like a dollop of irony

On top of an ironic twist.

[Groaning]

Spongebob: I mean,

Just think about that.

You know, in a weird way,

It's like we never left the...

Good thing I sprang for

The dual spoon installation.

Karen: call it

A computer's intuition

But I sense your regular

Approaching with an unusually

Large wad of cash.

Look at all that loot.

Plankton: that's right, krabs.

And you're gonna have to

Keep looking when my customer

Comes in and pays me

For my chum.

Oh, just put me

Out of me misery.

Back for more of

My delicious chum, I see.

Not this time.

Huh?

Not ever again.

The deal's off, computer.

I can't eat another bite

Of that slop, no matter

How much you pay me.

[Stammering]

Huh?

I have eaten of those things,

And I've already had to go

To the doctor, twice.

[Groaning...]

If you need me, I'll be getting

My stomach pumped... Again.

[Groaning]

What's the deal, karen?

The deal was that I paid nat

To eat your chum so you'd quit

Your constant complaining.

All this time, I never

Had one regular customer?

Karen: duh.

I should have known.

Why would anyone

Ever eat my slop?

Ugh, there he goes again.

Cut it out, plankton.

What?

It's just obvious that I'm

A complete failure and a waste

Of a lower life form.

Oh, woe is me.

[Sobbing]

Quickly.

Now is the time

To beat a hasty retreat.

What?

And miss this?

I've never enjoyed meself more.

This irony's pretty good stuff.

[Laughing]

♪

[Children laughing]