06x13 - Krusty Krushers/The Card

[bunniefuu]

Are you ready, kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, captain.

I can't hear you.

[kids] Aye-aye, captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense

Be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

-Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[laughs]

[plays fluty tune]

Perch Perkins here,

coming to you live

from the Bikini Bottom Wrestling

Royal Rumble Free-For-All!

Free? Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Gimme. Gimme? Gimme?

Uh... what do I get?

[laughs] Well, what you get is

the most anticipated event

of the wrestling season.

Hundreds of wrestlers

from around the world

face off against

the heavyweight champs.

[both roar]

[metallic clanging]

[crowd gasps]

[roars]

[both roar]

Anyone who can defeat

these giants

will earn

the championship title.

[yawns] Big deal.

And the million-dollar

cash prize.

Million? Dollars? Cash?

Prize?

[roars]

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme, gimme, gimme!

[all growl]

Money, money, money,

money, money, money,

money, money, money,

money, money, money, money...

Money! Money! Money...

Money... Money.

Money?

Ooh.

My leg! My leg!

No living soul

should suffer through

what I've witnessed here today.

Except maybe...

[both giggle]

Where are you taking us,

Mr. Krabs?

Now go get 'em!

[both giggle]

What do you think

the surprise is, Patrick?

I don't know.

What do you think it is?

I don't know. What do you--

Whatever it is, it's really big.

[gasps] And hairy!

[coughs]

And it smells angry.

-Is it time to look yet?

-You peek first.

No, you peek first.

[both scream]

Hey, who are those guys,

Mr. Krabs?

They look like

they wanna hurt us.

What? Those two?

Ah, they're harmless.

-It's all just part of the act.

-The act?

Of course!

They're just pretending.

Pretending?

[both] We like pretending.

[laughs] Don't we all?

Can we wear costumes?

Uh... sure.

Hey, SpongeBob, how do I look?

Wow! Looks like

those Iron Bun workout videos

are really paying off.

-[grunts]

-[TV] And two and three

and four steps closer

to your dream body.

I can even do it in my sleep.

Wow! Can we have

cool nicknames too?

Oh, fine. You're the, uh,

Short Order Boy,

and he's the, uh, Pink Patty.

[both gasp]

And together, we are?

The Krusty Krushers.

Now, go out there and

wrestle me up a million dollars!

[both laugh]

This is gonna be so fun. Yeah!

-Whoa!

-Yeah!

-Whoa!

-Yeah!

-Whoa!

-Yeah!

-Whoa!

-OK, we're ready.

Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah.

Al! Send the mic down.

We've got fresh meat.

Actually, we're here

to fake wrestle.

And to pretend wrestle.

Yeah, whatever. [clears throat]

In this corner

we have the challengers,

the Krusty Krushers.

[burps] Ooh! Excuse me.

You can do it!

And on the opposite side

of the ring,

we have

the undefeated champions.

[burps]

[both] ♪ Happy thoughts ♪

♪ Happy thoughts

Happy thoughts ♪

Did it just get dark in here?

Dark? I'm afraid of the dark!

Oh, don't be afraid,

it's just them.

Oh. Right. Yeah, it's just

those guys we're gonna wrestle.

Hello, fellow competitors.

[roars]

What was that?

Hmm. That's wrestlese

for "You're dead meat."

I don't get it.

Hey, look, Patrick!

It's Mr. Krabs, cheering us on.

Oomph!

Whoa!

Oh, hey, SpongeBob.

Hey, Patrick.

Look, Patrick. It's a fist.

Fist? Where?

Oh! Yeah, that's definitely a--

[crowd cheers]

[gargles]

[both] Yeah!

-How fun was that?

-It was so super duper fun!

-[both] Boom!

-Ahem!

Did you need something,

Mr. Krabs?

Oh. Did I need something?

Hmm, let me think.

Did I need something?

Yes, I need something!

I need you two to get back in

there and show them who's boss.

Show them what Short Order Boy

and Pink Patty can really do.

Right! Come on, Patrick.

Let's show these two

what they're messing with.

With pleasure.

[both] Let's do this!

That's the

million-dollar-winning spirit!

Alright, you two.

No more messing around.

You see this?

Just a spatula, right? Wrong!

Actually, this represents

your face

after I get through mangling it.

[grunts]

There! You see that?

It's not gonna be pretty

when I get done with you.

-Hey, good one, SpongeBob.

-Thanks, Patrick.

Now you try saying something

intimidating as well.

OK. And if you think

this is bad,

wait till I get my hands on you.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna...

uh, tear you to shreds

like a... [grunts]

Oh! Oh, come on!

Ah! I got a paper cut,

paper cut!

Patrick, are you OK?

Huh? Oh. I'm fine.

I just like to suck on my hand.

Really? Me too!

[screams]

Oh. [chuckles] Now what?

[laughs] That tickles.

Good catch.

-Look, I'm a--

-Helicopter!

[both yell]

[crowd cheers]

[whistles]

[giggles]

[giggles]

[both laugh]

-What are you doing out there?

-Fake wrestling.

OK.

But you still have to try to win

in fake wrestling.

Mr. Krabs,

we're having so much fun.

Doesn't that make us winners?

Actually, it doesn't!

OK, OK, look. Just--

Hey, where'd they... Oh, no!

Not the--

[crowd gasps]

Wow! Now that's

a serious sleeper hold.

[lullaby music]

Oh, hello, Mr. Fluffy. Mm-hm-hm!

[coos like a baby]

[crowd] Aww!

And it looks like the champs

are ready to end it.

-End it?

-[crowd chants] End it! End it.

Get up, you guys!

Yep, they're gonna leave more

than a mark

with this special move.

The mother of all moves,

a flying double-decker

atomic head-butt of destruction.

With a spin.

[screams] Come on! Come on!

Wake up!

[snores]

And squeeze.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Goodbye, money.

Squeeze!

Goodbye, money. [sobs]

Squeeze!

[both] Huh?

-Oh, no!

-Not iron buns!

[clang]

[whistles]

[bell dings]

Ladies and gentlemen,

here are your new champions.

Goodbye, my... new champions?!

That's right, Skip. And the

winners of one million dollars.

Hello, money!

Hoo-hoo! Money! Sweet money!

-Or...

-Or?!

You can take what's behind

curtain number two.

Curtain number two?

Make all your dreams come true

with one week at wrestle camp.

Like we'd trade this money for--

[both] Wrestle camp!

Wrestle camp!

Wrestle camp! Wrestle camp!

Wrestle camp it is!

See you at Wrestle Camp,

Mr. Krabs.

Next! Oh, no.

Hey, Quincy.

How's my favorite money man?

SpongeBob.

What can I do for you?

The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle

Boy cards come out today.

So I need to take out

some mon-ay.

[sighs] Let me see

your bank book.

Sure thing, Quincy. Sure thing.

Nice bunnies.

I know, I know.

It's so embarrassing.

I wanted the one

with the kittens on it.

Right.

-Here you are, sir.

-Thank you.

Hm... Uh, Quincy,

this one is wrinkled.

I couldn't possibly

give this to Mermaid Man.

It simply won't do.

I don't think they go directly

to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob.

But, um, here. Try this one.

[sniffs] Hmm.

This one smells funny.

Oh, come on. Would you hurry up?

Yeah. Some of us have

withdrawals to make, you know?

-Oh, come on!

-Hey!

Well, I'll have you know

that this is for Mermaid Man

and I'm not leaving

until I have money

that shows him

the proper respect.

Whoa!

[cheering]

[Patrick] One, two, three, four.

Hey, Patrick.

Counting up your change

for a pack of Mermaid Man

and Barnacle Boy trading cards?

No. I'm thinking about buying

this book on counting.

Three... four...

[gasps] What's gonna happen

next?

Five! Holy super happy fun time!

This book's good!

I'll take it. One, two, three...

One pack of Mermaid Man

and Barnacle Boy cards, please.

-All right!

-Hey, not so fast.

Where's my dollar?

There you are, my good sir.

Here you go, kid.

So shiny and smooth.

[shrieks]

Oh!

Oh!

Ooh!

Mermaid Man's bubble-powered

wheelchair from Season .

[gasps]

And Barnacle Boy's bunion.

Holy scallops.

It's the dentures

that Mermaid Man used

to pop the dirty bubble

in episode .

Wow. These must be the most

valuable cards in the world.

I'll treasure them forever.

[laughs] Those cards

aren't worth nothing.

I wouldn't put those cards

in the spokes of my bike.

Now, if you want to see

a card worth talking about,

check this one out.

This is the super rare platinum

hologrammed animated

talking card number .

[announcer] Mermaid Man says...

Buy more cards!

There are only five

in existence.

How much is it, for this one?

This one's just a display.

If you want a real one,

you have to buy as many packs as

you can and hope you get lucky.

Oh, I have a good feeling

about this one.

Come on! And it's...

nothing.

Oh.

[screams]

Oh, I'll never find card !

-[pants]

- ... ...

... ...

! Oh! I hate counting!

Just give me what he's having.

Oh, boy!

Let's see which card I got.

Is this a good card, SpongeBob?

No. It's just another...

Mermaid Man says...

Buy more cards!

Number !

That's the best card there is!

-It sure does the job.

-[screams]

Patrick, you're picking

your teeth with it.

I'm preventing gingivitis.

Patrick. That's the ultra-rare

number talking card.

It's really valuable. And

there's only five in existence.

And... [babbles]

[babbles] ...Patrick!

So now do you understand

why you should take

really good care of that card?

Yes, sir.

I can't let anything happen

to that card.

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

would never forgive me.

Patrick, watch out!

[pants] You almost tripped

on that crack.

Phew.

Now watch where you're going.

OK. Thanks, buddy.

Patrick, look out!

Ah. That was close.

[laughs] Hey, SpongeBob, fun.

Patrick, this is serious.

You're carrying precious cargo

now.

You can't just wander aimlessly

around like you've been--

What?

The card!

Patrick, why did you

just walk into Goo Lagoon?

SpongeBob,

you can't always expect

my usual brand of stupidity.

I like to mix it up,

keep you on your toes.

[screams]

Here we are. Home, safe home.

And nothing happened

to the card.

Good job, SpongeBob.

Now let me just get my keys.

Nope.

There you are. I knew

you were in there somewhere.

[gasps] The super rare

and priceless

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

trading card.

Patrick, where is it?

Where is it?!

Dear Neptune. You didn't put it

in your pocket, did you?

It's getting all bent up!

Bent up! Bent up! Bent up!

Bent, bent, bent, bent up!

Don't get your pants up

in a square knot, SpongeBob.

I don't even believe in pockets.

I keep everything

I need right here,

in the folds of my back fat.

You seem to be pretty fond

of this little thing.

[sobs]

Why don't you just keep it?

You mean you'd give me

your most valuable possession?

I'd give you

my most valuable possession?

-You're the best pal ever!

-I'm the best pal ever!

-But can you do me one favor?

-Sure, pal. Anything for you.

Do you mind if I hold on to it,

just for today?

Um... sure, Patrick.

Oh, good. Because my landlord

changed the lock again.

Patrick, wait.

Let me call a locksmith.

Oh, I don't need

any old locksmith.

But, Patrick, don't!

Patrick! Oh!

Patrick!

Don't you think maybe...

-that you shouldn't--

-[groans]

Man! This card is fantastic.

[stomach rumbles]

Breaking and entering

sure makes a fella hungry.

Hey, why don't we eat

some dinner?

And then I'll give you

your card.

Ooh.

This barbecue's really filthy.

Oh, but this'll take care of it.

No, no, Patrick.

Wait. Allow me to clean it.

No, no, SpongeBob. I know you

wanna help, but you're my guest.

[scraping]

There. Nice and shiny.

[alarm rings]

Patrick, the card! It's on fire!

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll take care of it.

There. Good as new.

Ew.

Dinner is served.

[card gurgles] Buy cards.

[burps] Ah. Oh, that hit

the spot. Pardon me.

Ah.

Hey, look at that.

Sundown already?

Well, you can have

your card now.

I hope you get as much use

out of it as I have.

Hmm.

[recording sputters]

Oh, it's ruined!

[wails]

SpongeBob, what's wrong?

Now I'll never have

Mermaid Man card number ,

the special talking one.

Aw. Sure you will.

No. No, I spent all my money

and...

and... and you bought

the last pack!

There's no more left

in all of Bikini Bottom.

Well, what about these?

[cards] Mermaid Man says...

Buy more cards!

Number . Patrick,

where did you get these?

Well, that one pack

I bought was filled with 'em.

May I have one?

They're all yours, buddy.

See you tomorrow.

Wow!

Ah, hey, SpongeBob,

can I borrow one of those cards?

I locked myself

out of my house again.