09x10 - Kenny the Cat/Yeti Krabs

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob, how about more krabby patties

And less heavy breathing?

- Wow!

That's the longest I've held my breath!

Three whole seconds!

I'm gonna try for five seconds next!

- Keep that up and you'll lose consciousness...

Tentacles crossed.

silly Squidward.

I'm not gonna--

- What's goin' on around here?

- Well, I could be askin' you the same thing, boy!

- Sorry, Mister Krabs.

I was merely emulating my latest media obsession...

kenny the cat!

- "kenny the cat"?

What in clam's name is a "the cat"?

- He's the greatest undersea athlete

To originate from above the wet 'n' briny!

And he's been shattering records all over,

Holding his breath as he walks the ocean floor.

I want to be just like kenny the cat!

That's what he does.

He walks like that and holds his breath like that!

Kenny is a sensationality!

Haven't you noticed my recent lettuce customizations?

- No.

- And you haven't perused my collection

Of kenny the cat periodicals?

Or noticed kenny on every tv channel known to fishkind?

- Uh, no.

- But what about the kenny the cat blimp,

Which hovers over kenny the cat sports stadium?

- Never noticed it. - Huh.

You haven't seen him in your wallet?

me wallet?

What's he been doin' in there?

- Oh, he's on all the new $ bills.

- Oh, that kenny the cat!

Well, he's a sensationality!

- Yeah! And he's visiting bikini bottom tomorrow,

With hundreds of his rabidly loyal fans!

- Hundreds, you say?

- Maybe even a thousand!

- Say, kiddo,

Why don't you see if you can't get ol' kenny

And his throng of fans

To visit the ol' krusty krab for a while?

- I shall do my krustiest, sir!

Spongebob!

Don't you want your water helmet?

Not necessary, Sandy.

Like my personal hero, kenny the cat,

I'm a-okay!

- Well, if you ain't gonna use your helmet,

I suggest you make it quick, Spongebob.

Hey, Sandy,

You're kind of like a cat, aren't you?

- Cat?

In what way am I "kind of like a cat"?

- Well, aren't cats and squirrels

Basically the same thing?

- We are both mammals,

But that is where the similarities end!

Cats are no-good scoundrels,

And I ain't never trusted one of 'em!

- Well, you can trust kenny the!

He's the heroic cat who's been holding his breath

For days at a time!

- I hate to precipitate on your party, Spongebob,

But that is impossible!

No air breather could ever do that!

Not even me!

- Very well, sandra, if that is your stance,

Then so be it.

Could someone be jealous

Of kenny's dazzling lung capacity?

Kenny the cat! Kenny the cat!

Kenny the cat!

- You do know that kenny won't be here until : ?

- Tomorrow morning. - Uh-huh, yeah.

hours is cutting it close, but I had to work all day!

- Hopeless.

- You know, I read in kenny fancy magazine

That he's so used to holding his breath,

That when he's topside, he forgets to breathe!

- Wow!

Well, that'd be like me forgetting to--

There you are, pocket taco!

Patrick, have you ever gazed

Up into the starry night

And seen kenny the cat's face?

- No.

- Find the grouper constellation

And the dorsal constellation,

Then squint your eyes

And let the details fall into place.

I don't see it.

Kenny's really gotten into your head lately.

- Yeah. Kenny's awesome.

Hey! That reminds me!

Let's paint our faces to look like kenny!

Perfect!

We're the biggest kenny the cat fans ever!

- This, uh, is getting creepy.

- Hey, buddy, check it out!

- Sweet neptune!

Hey, Spongebob, I'm gonna go now.

Your obsession with kenny is getting weird.

- But you didn't even get to see

My new kenny the cat temporary tattoo!

- Oh, that's okay.

See ya, Spongebob!

- Well, I guess it's plain to see

Who the true kenny the cat fan is!

: ! Kenny time!

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Now is the time you've all been waiting for!

Kenny the cat will do his signature walk!

- Kenny!

thanks, kenny!

- Kenny, sir, it would mean a lot

If you'd sign my official kenny the cat spatula.

thanks, kenny.

You're so real.

Oh, you're hungry?

What do you say we move this autograph session

To the krusty krab?

Did you see that?

Kenny just gave me

His trademark a-okay hand sign!

Swoon! Swoon!

- One at a time! One at a time, please!

Kenny the cat will have time

To meet each and every one of youse.

And I will have time to take

Each and every one of your dollars!

Look at meself!

I'm not being a very good host!

Uh, excuse me!

You just make yourself at home, kenny!

I mean, "mister the cat"!

Here ya go. Condiments, on the house!

Don't tell anybody!

Welcome to the krusty krab family.

- Mister the cat, everything okay?

- Say, Mister Krabs, it's gonna be a long day for kenny.

How about we give him a minute to freshen up?

- What an excellent idea, Spongebob.

A clean cat is a moneymaking cat,

I always say.

Please avail yourself of the lounge facilities.

- Well, I best get back to manning the grill.

- This gets real uncomfortable after awhile.

- Sorry to bother you, mister the cat.

I just thought you'd like a bite to--

Whoa!

- Good thing I got this oxygen t*nk and mask,

Otherwise there's no way I'd be able

To hold my breath this long.

How could you, kenny?

You broke my heart.

Here I was this entire time believing your act,

Only to discover that it was nothing but an act.

- But it's not what you think.

- There's no room for thoughts now--

Only for tears. No!

- Spongebob, wait!

Whoa.

- I can't believe I fell for such a phony.

oh, well.

Time to move on.

I guess I don't need my kenny the cat

Fan club membership card anymore...

Or these kenny the cat posters.

Oh, kenny, how could you?

you were my idol.

You know, I should really talk about this with someone

Or I might get depressed.

- Spongebob, please, let me explain.

I'm just a cat with a dream--

A dream to give the gift of hope.

See, above water, I'm a nobody--

Just another annoying cat.

But down here, I'm someone special,

Someone who can make people happy.

And if making the world a happier place

Makes me a criminal...

Then lock me up and throw away the key.

Have mercy!

- All right, kenny, all right.

I promise I won't tell anyone.

- Really? - Yes, really.

- All right!

Thanks, bub.

You're the best friend I ever had.

Now if you'll excuse moi,

I gotta sign some autographs.

- Ah, the cat of the hour is back.

All right. You ready to sign for these fine dollars--

I mean, uh, suckers--

I mean, uh, some autographs.

Well, all righty then.

That's what the consuming public wants to hear.

- Sir, I just wanna say that

You're the biggest inspiration

Myself and my friends have ever known.

Your ability to hold your breath

Has changed our lives forever.

- "you're welcome. I've been holding my breath

"for more than years, no problem.

You can too, signed kenny the breath-holding cat."

- Hi, kenny.

Mind if I get your signature?

Gee, it sure is nice to meet another

Air-breathing, warm-blooded varmint down here.

- Just out of scientific curiosity,

How do you hold your breath for so long?

- Uh, we needn't burden ourselves

With such needless scientific technicalities, Sandy.

- I'm just wondering, Spongebob.

I mean, he does defy all scientific logic,

Considering the fact that all air-breathing mammals

Need oxygen to the brain and lungs

To survive for more than three minutes.

- Hey, maybe we should show our fine guest

A little more hospitality, hm?

- What has gotten into you, Spongebob?

Can't I talk about what must surely be happening

From a biological standpoint?

I mean, like, the lack of oxygen

Will tighten the capillaries in the lungs,

Causing a dangerous level of carbon monoxide

To rise in the bloodstream, which in turn

Leads to a ghostly blue color to the skin,

Followed by eventual unconsciousness.

- I can't take it!

I need oxygen!

- I knew kenny was a fake.

- Liar!

- No! Come back.

Ah, thanks a lot, you air-breathing charlatan.

And you can forget about these free condiments too.

- Gee, kenny.

I sure am sorry if I ruined your career.

- Aw, it's okay, Spongebob.

Maybe the whole shamble is a big wake-up call

To be honest.

- Hey, I got an idea.

Most cats hate water, right?

Well, you can be the cat that likes water.

That way, you're still special.

- I like it!

- Just get out of here already.

You can never trust a cat-- or is it a dog?

- Squidward! - Aah!

What is your problem?

- My problem is that you aren't working,

Which means I lose m-u-n-e-e,

Which means you lose your j-o-b.

- Remind me again.

Is that good news or bad news?

- Tentacles, I mean it.

You get back to mindin' that register.

- Minding it for which customer?

- I see your point.

But still, I'm not paying you

To dream sweet nothings.

Do something.

Pick up a mop, a broom,

A window wiper, a spatula even.

- Spongebob's got that covered.

dust specks on the window!

Don't worry, boss man, I got it covered.

That's better.

Ooh, sounds like the dishes are done soaking.

- That's a perfect example of what I'm talking about--

Stayin' busy.

- I was busy, trying to forget about this place

Till you woke me up.

- Okay, have it your way, Squidward.

Since you can't be bothered

To take the initiative yourself,

It's clear I must assign tasks to you.

Hm. Mr. Squidward, scrub the walls

Of the krusty krab till they gleam.

- Already done, sir.

- Oh, well, that's very nice, boy.

Thank you. But, you see,

I'm trying to give Squidward a task.

- Hm. Well, the smoke duct needs sweeping.

- Excellent idea, mr. Squarepants.

Squidward, I'd like you to sweep--

- Done and dusted.

- Nice working conditions, but no thanks.

- Ooh, is that so?

Perhaps you'd prefer scraping the gum

Off the underside of these tables.

- Oh, a restaurant employee handling chewed bubblegum?

That's gotta violate a lot of health codes.

- Not if you wear gloves, it doesn't.

Mind if I take this to Patrick after work, Mister Krabs?

- I guess Spongebob has a handle

On all the krusty krab duties.

Which leaves you with all the extracurriculars--

Like shining me shoes.

- Sorry. All out of polish.

- But I'm not.

- Wash me boat!

- Listen, Squidward.

I'm gonna get a full day's work out of you,

One way or another.

- It doesn't matter what you want me to do,

I won't do it.

oh, yeah?

Fine.

If you refuse to work,

Then I can't be held responsible.

- Responsible for what, Mister Krabs?

- For...

For...

A visit from the yeti crab!

the yeti crab?

- Yeah.

Everybody's heard of the abominable yeti crab--

With his long white hair and six-pack abs

And yellow teeth.

And everybody knows that he only

Comes out of his mountain cave

To feed on lazy workers.

He's attracted to the scent.

He can smell your lazy, lazy stench

From hundreds of miles away.

- Aah! Aah! Aah!

Oh, wait. What am I worried about?

I'm a hardworking self-motivated sponge.

- Yes, but that won't make any difference.

Because of your proximity to Squidward's laziness,

You will be eaten.

Squidward and I are as close as brothers.

- Ludicrous.

- You won't think so

When that big hairy feller wants to eat ya.

Yeah, now listen up, boys.

Boss man krabs is steppin' out for a minute,

But I want this tub of laundry done

Before I get back.

Or--

- Or the yeti crab will smell our laziness and eat us.

- Precisely.

See ya, boys.

- Whatever.

- Squidward, what are you doing?

oh, no. Your lack of work is taking on an odor.

- You're sure it's not these you're smelling?

- If the yeti crab catches wind of it,

He's gonna, you know, eat us.

- Oh, come on, Spongebob.

Krabs's yeti story is a complete and total crock.

Squidward!

Mister Krabs would never make up something like that.

- You can believe in whatever garbage you want to,

Just do it away from me.

Now run along and wash krabs's undies.

- You got it, Squidward.

Anything to keep that yeti crab at bay.

- Let me out of here, you hairy brute.

I can find my own food.

- Good day, sir. Are you yeti to order?

Oh, Squidward!

- What, what, what? Huh?

- You are not gonna believe this.

There's a yeti crab at table seven,

And he is sniffing out the lazy.

of course he is.

Nice costume, Eugene.

Couldn't you at least had it dry-cleaned or pressed?

- Didn't brush this morning, did we?

- Please don't eat us, mr. Yeti.

We're not lazy.

- Oh, yes, I am. - Oh, boy.

I'll have to work twice as hard

To make up for Squidward's laziness.

A wobbly table?

Oh, we can't have that.

come on.

No. Here.

- There, perfect.

Yikes!

Time to top off the mustard.

See, I'm busy.

I'm organizing the spice racks...

By color.

- Ooh.

- I guess while I'm down here,

I'll hit the ol' grease traps again.

- Aah! I'm not lazy. Don't eat me.

- I'm sorry, mr. Yeti crab.

I almost feel sorry for the little nimrod.

What the-- do you mind?

- Sorry, Squidward, just varnishing the ceiling.

- Oh, I hope you're happy, Mister Krabs.

You're driving him insane.

yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll eat me if I'm lazy, whatever.

- Not the home and garden section!

Spongebob?

Sorry.

Just making sure all the rivets are securely welded.

- Spongebob, we have no customers today.

Ergo, we have nothing to do,

No matter what that buffoon wants you to think.

Squidward, he might hear you.

Don't worry, mr. Yeti crab.

We have plenty to do.

I can replenish the toilet paper.

And redecorate Mister Krabs's office.

And refold the napkins into origami figures.

Knit straw cozies.

Clean the soap. Replane the grill.

Washing inside the walls.

Sucking up every dust particle in the restaurant.

- Have you lost it, Spongebob?

- Lost it?

Lost it? What a silly thing to say.

Aah!

Guess I'm down to the comics section.

- Squidward!

You were right.

There's no more work to do.

I have done it all...

- Which means he is gonna eat us!

- That does it.

I have had it with this ridiculous ruse.

Using fear to prey on a feeble mind.

Even Spongebob doesn't deserve that.

Enjoy spooking the witless, eh, krabs?

Well, we'll just see how you like it.

See? I can dress up as a convincing yeti crab too.

- T-t-two yeti crabs?

- Take off that phony suit, Mister Krabs.

You're not fooling anybody.

- I'm back, fellers.

- Sorry, Mister Krabs. I'm a little busy

Trying to pull off this stupid mask of yours.

- Uh, Squidward?

- What? Oh.

- We're as good as yeti food.

I blame Squidward.

- Guys, do you hear that?

- You mean the sound of my own flesh

Sizzling to a crisp?

- No, I'm talking about the sound of a hungry customer.

He doesn't wanna eat us for being lazy.

He wants to eat us because he's hungry.

Fellas, leave this to me.

- Way to go, boy.

He loves it.

And look, he's a paying customer.

Come back and see us anytime, mr. Yeti crab.

Hey, what are you two doing standing idle?

Squidward, scrape out the crow's nest.

- No. - Done.

- Refinish me floors. - No.

- Done. - Build me a new safe.

- Nuh-uh. - Consider it done.