09x15 - Sanctuary!/What's Eating Patrick?

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob Squarepants!

Ah, I tell you, Gary.

There is nothing better on a sunny day than a brisk walk.

- What's the matter, pal? Walking too fast for you?

- Huh? What is it, boy? Is someone in danger?

- Aw. Come here, little fella. I won't hurt you.

- Aw. I'm going to call you Señor Poopus.

Good job, Gary. Let's get him home so we can eat.

He's almost all shell.

- Boy, Seator Poopus sure is hungry.

- Aw, he wants to play.

- Ha. What you doing, Spongebob?

- Oh, Gary found this stray snail,

and I'm nursing it back to health.

What about those baby snails?

They're over here.

- Aw, so tiny and hungry.

They have nobody to take care of them.

I'm going to take them home and feed them.

- Feed them to who?

- "It is important to keep baby snails warm at all times."

- My mouth is warm.

- Good suggestion, Patrick, but I've got this.

There we go.

Perfect temperature.

Time to eat, my little snaily-poos.

Eat up, you little cuties.

- So...

I guess I'll be going, then.

- Huh? one of you guys lose your bottle?

Oh, you must be the snail mom.

- Hey, Spongebob.

This guy found a snail in his garden,

and he didn't know what to do,

so I told him how you take care of snails.

- Thanks, pal. You're a lifesaver.

- It's a pretty good thing I thought of, huh?

- I'll call you...

Donnie.

- Oh, excuse me. Pardon me.

Uh, just a minute.

- Thanks, snail guy!

- Three bags of snail chow, four bags of snail litter.

- Thanks, snail guy!

- Uh, you're welcome?

Okay, will you guys just relax? You're all going to get fed.

Donnie, keep out of Walter's dish.

Orbulax, what are you doing?

Sharel, Henry, no fighting.

Jeez, my pants are getting ruined, and my head is sticky.

I got to do something about that.

- Where's my food?

- Come on, this is a lunch line, not a lunch day.

- Squidward, why aren't you taking orders

from these good people?

- I would, but what's the point?

There's no one to make the food.

- W-w-what? Where's Spongebob?

- Let me think. No idea.

- Then you'll have to do Spongebob's job too.

- I can't do that.

- Of course you can.

Any idiot can do it.

Now get to work.

I'm going to go find Spongebob.

- I finally have a coupon--

- All right, calm down, everybody.

I'm here to take your order.

- Yes?

- Oh, excuse me, me lovely.

Maybe I've got the wrong house here,

but I can't say as I'm disappointed.

I was seeking me old matey Spongebob, and--

- Oh, hey, Mister Krabs.

- Bah! Spongebob!

That's you, boy?

Why aren't you at work?

And why are you dressed up

like an eye-popping South Sea hula gal?

- I'm sorry, Mister Krabs, but I'm so busy

taking care of these snails.

I'll try to come in tomorrow.

- You'll try?

Listen up, me boy-o.

You'll do more than try.

- Pam! Vince! You leave Electric Ronnie alone.

Mr. Buster, get off that shelf.

Nothing today. Thank you, bye, Mister Krabs.

I can't believe that I had to do my job and Spongebob's.

Oh, what the--?

Oh, it's not a cold. It's my allergies.

Hey, lady.

- Spongebob, is that you?

- I don't know.

- What happened to you?

And where did all these snails come from?

- Don't worry, I'm taking very good care of all my snails.

- I'm not worried about them. I'm worried about me.

I'm allergic to snails.

- Even Gary?

- Oof!

One snail, I can handle, maybe even two or three.

- But this? - No way.

Just how many snails do you have?

- I don't know. Let's count them, shall we?

One, two, three, Mary, Donnie, Carmela, Señor Poopus, Jack, ,

Paul, Brenda, Sharel, Steve, one that keeps barfing on the floor,

, Orbulax, Vince, Mavis, Mavis Jr.,

Electric Ronnie, Diane, Pam, , Walter,

Sara, Boogaloo Shrimp, , Viva, Tom, Ted,

Thea, Ava, that's , Old Ironsides, Rhonda,

Papa Dup, he who shall not be named, , Sean, Andy,

Mr. Buster, Mrs. Buster, so I'll say .

Enough!

You have to get rid of those snails and get back to work.

- Work? But I found my life's work--

taking care of wayward snails.

- That's it!

I'm calling the Bikini Bottom officials

so they can deal with it!

He said, like, .

Well, do something about it! That's why I pay taxes!

Oh, my allergies are k*lling me.

- Uh, hello?

Hey, man. I'm super hungry.

Where's my food, dude?

- Oh, chill your gills. I'll get your food, dude.

- Uh, not so super hungry all of a sudden,

and also, I'm super not paying.

- Squidward, have you lost your ever-lovin' mind?

You cannot be sneezing all over me Krabby Patties.

The customers don't like it,

except for that guy.

- That's it, I'm done.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't abandon ship.

I'd have to work all by meself.

- Don't worry, it's not a problem.

"Any idiot" can do it, right?

- Right.

- Well, if it's snail friends he wants,

it's a snail friend he's a-going to get.

Meow.

- Oh, another little stray friend.

What is your name, little fellow?

- It's Patrick. Um, Meow.

- I think I'll call you Patrick.

- No, no, you dirty boy. You need a bath.

- Meow, no. No! Meow.

- Hello, please.

- Excuse me, ma'am, but we've had some complaints.

- No, thank you, please.

Oh, no, Patrick, no outsidies for you.

- Meow. Help! Meow. Help!

- He said, "No, thank you, please"?

What does that even mean?

I demand you do something about those snails, now!

Oh, this has got to stop.

- Oh, the bad men want to take you away from me,

but I won't let them.

Sanctuary. Sanctuary.

Everybody in. Everybody in!

- Spongebob is behind that fence,

and he has locked the gate.

- Oh, just quit messing around and just break down the gate.

- Wait. Maybe there's another way.

Get me a bullhorn. I want to talk to her.

- Him. - Oh, right. Him.

Spongebob, I need you to listen to me.

- Hello.

- Spongebob, my name is Bob Barnacle.

I run the Bob Barnacle Snail Rescue Center.

These snails all got loose

through a hole in the fence of my snail center.

I'm here to help the snails.

I'm here to help you.

- Hello.

- I know that you mean well,

but there's only so much one sponge can do.

You must be very tired from all your hard work.

My center has all the space and staff that a snail needs.

They'll be well taken care of.

I promise, the snails will be happy.

Esmeralda! - Esmeralda?

- Yes, that's her name. What did you call her?

Señor Poopus.

So long.

I'm going to miss you guys, especially you, Señor Poopus.

I mean, Señorita Esmeralda.

- You did the right thing.

You can visit the snail center anytime.

- Thanks, Bob. We will.

But I'm going back to being a one-snail guy.

That's the way I like it.

- Don't forget to get your pet spayed or neutered.

- Bye, Spongebob.

- Bye, Patrick.

Patrick! Patrick!

Don't worry! I'm going to adopt you!

Squidward, is this even?

- A little higher.

A little to the left.

A little more to the left.

Ha! Perfect.

- Whoa, Mister Krabs really loves Founder's Day.

- No, he doesn't.

- But just look at him go.

- This is the day he gets the Patty orders

for the big Founder's Day eating contest.

It's the most money Krabs makes all year.

- Oh, but it's not just that.

Mister Krabs has a lot of love in his heart for this town.

- Nope, Squidward's right.

Not only do I supply the eating contest,

but I get to sell me profit-laden patties

to all the hungry spectators.

I had to grease a few wheels, but it was worth it.

- Thanks, Krabs!

- Sure thing, Mr. Commissioner.

See you at Founder's Day.

- Wonder no longer.

You only need one.

What do you mean "one"?

- Didn't you see today's newspaper?

- "No Takers for McNulty Challenge."

Ha! What is that supposed to mean?

- He's the current champion.

He only needs to eat one Patty to win.

I'm ruined.

No one wants to see a one-Patty eating contest,

least of all me wallet.

- Hey, at least we have Founder's Day.

- I couldn't give a sea fig for Founder's Day.

I need sales, boy.

Sales is what I need.

Oh, if only there was someone dumb and hungry enough

to take on old Oswald McNulty.

- I'll just have Krabby Patties, please.

I had a big breakfast so I'm not that hungry.

Squidward, did you get a new haircut?

- Ah, dumb and hungry.

Well, if it isn't Patrick.

- I isn't Patrick?

- No, no, of course you ares.

How would you like to eat

as many Krabby Patties as you can handle

and restore the honor of your hometown?

- I like the first part,

but I don't understand the second part.

- I'm talking about Oswald McNulty.

He comes here every year with his big-city ways

and his extremely relaxed throat muscles,

and he shows us up like a bunch of rubes.

Rubes!

And on Founder's Day, no less.

We need a hometown hero to make me lots of money.

I mean, return the belt to Bikini Bottom.

You're going up against the best,

so you have to be the best.

We're going to light a fire under you, boy-o.

- Oh, no, that's going to hurt!

- Listen up, mister. No more fooling around.

You're here to eat and eat

and then eat some more.

- I like to eat.

- Well, let's see how your tummy handles these patties,

Mr. Likes To Eat.

You said "tummy."

- Tummy!

- I like whistles!

- Eat!

- What are you doing? You're wasting time.

- Got to warm up my taste buds first.

- Son, can you eat faster?

- Oh, faster.

- Four and a half patties in one minute?

Why, McNulty can eat in a minute.

But, you know, I think your teeth

might be getting in the way a little bit there.

why didn't you say so?

- Ooh, I didn't know you had false teeth.

I don't.

- Nah, that can't be it.

McNulty has teeth.

Spongebob, let's go to the film.

Look at that devious face,

a face without pity--

cold, dead eyes, like a shark's eyes.

What is Oswald McNulty doing that Patrick Star is not?

His homework?

Or maybe we should be asking,

what is Oswald McNulty not doing?

- His taxes?

- You're both wrong! Or possibly right.

I mean, I don't know much about his personal life.

The point is, he's not tasting, boys.

That's where Oswald McNulty has the edge.

Those extra seconds you take to taste the Patty, Patrick,

are slowing you down.

From now on, you must pop them in your mouth and swallow.

- I don't get to taste?

- This feels wrong, Mister Krabs.

- Stow that bilge water, bucket boy.

We're going to need more patties.

- Okay, I'll get right on it.

- We're going to teach this sea star a new way to eat--

without tasting.

No!

- There he goes! - Our champion!

- He's so dreamy!

- Come one, come all.

This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

It's a Founder's Day eating extravaganza.

Watch your hometown hero, Patrick Star,

take on the malevolent mouth from three towns over,

Oswald McNulty

and see who takes the Patty Belt.

- Say, can my little boy ask you something?

- Are you the brave man that's going

to bring the belt back to Bikini Bottom?

- Inspiring words.

- I "hurted" my foot on the playground.

- Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful. Move back.

Be sure to bring your friends.

- Dad, is that the bad man who took the belt away

from Bikini Bottom?

- Yes, it is, son. Boo!

- Boo!

- It looks like this crowd is hungry...

for excitement, that is,

and also possibly food.

Any moment now, these doors will open

on what promises to be the most dynamic Patty-eating contest

in Founder's Day history.

- Krabby Patties, T-shirts, conical hats,

and Patrick's choppers.

- Today our local hero, Patrick Star,

the courageous underdog, is going up

against five-time belt winner Oswald McNulty,

from three towns over.

One can only imagine the seething tension

boiling over right now

between these two titans of the sport

as they prepare for ultimate battle.

Hey.

- How's it going?

- Five short minutes to consume as many patties as they can.

- Who's ready?

- Spongebob, I don't want to do this.

- Well, then don't do it.

I'm sure Mister Krabs will understand.

I smell mutiny.

What's going on here?

- I don't want to eat in the contest.

It hurts my taste feelings.

No problem.

Here. - What's that?

- That is a bill for all the Krabby Patties you ate

during training.

- But I didn't know I had to pay.

- Well, I didn't know either

until you decided you weren't doing the contest,

and that means all your "training" patties

just became plain eatin' patties.

Now, if you was to do the contest,

I might be inclined to tear up this here little bill,

and, of course, there are all the people

that are counting on you, son.

Ow, my foot.

- Okay, I'll do it for the little boy with the hurt foot.

- You made the right choice, kid.

- There's the bell. And we're off and eating.

McNulty taking an early lead

and really going to work on those patties.

What a dynamo!

The little smelt from three towns over

eating at a terrific pace.

But what's this? Patrick Star isn't moving.

He seems stuck at the gate.

- What are you doing, Patrick?

Don't make me charge you for those patties too!

- McNulty's pressing forward.

Looks like this is going to be a blowout.

- Patrick, I believe in you, Patrick.

- But wait! Patrick Star is on the move,

and patties are starting to disappear.

Look at that little sea star eat!

He's inching closer to McNulty,

and it looks like McNulty can feel the heat.

Never has there been a more prodigious display

of competitive eating.

The amount of patties being consumed is astounding.

And now, yes, yes,

Patrick Star has matched Oswald McNulty,

and they are tied as they come into the homestretch.

Both eaters are now so full,

they can barely eat, but eat they do.

Moving so slowly now, one can't help but wonder

if they are going to hit the Patty wall at some point,

and--and...

both eaters have stopped!

With only seconds left, we are tied in patties eaten,

and neither one seems to have the room to go on.

What's this?

And down goes McNulty! Down goes McNulty!

It looks like we could have a tie.

- It's over, Spongebob. I can't go on.

- The taste, Patrick. Remember the taste.

- The... taste.

- What's this?

Patrick Star has risen from his seat

and is pointing to center field.

No, wait. He's pointing to "widdle" boy with a hurt foot.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's pointing to his mouth

as if to indicate something.

- Here you go, champ. You can have mine.

- And he's eating. He's eating!

The Great Starbino is eating!

Patrick Star wins!

The belt is back in Bikini Bottom!

The belt is back in Bikini Bottom!

- Here you go, son. You earned it fat and square.

- Yay!

- Congratulations, Starbino.

So are you going to defend the belt next year?

- No, this thing doesn't even fit.

My other foot.