09x20 - Sharks vs. Pods/CopyBob DittoPants

Episode transcripts for the TV show "SpongeBob SquarePants". Aired: May 1, 1999 - present.*
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A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
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09x20 - Sharks vs. Pods/CopyBob DittoPants

Post by bunniefuu »

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

Hmm, maybe I could use a little music

to make my work even more fun.

Aha! There you are!

Hi!

- Hey, boss, it says, "Closed.

Feel free to slide money under the door."

- Thank you, Professor Lonnie. Here's a flash: I can read!

- Aw, man, I really wanted to sink my teeth into something.

- Hey, there's somebody in there.

- Look at that kid go.

- Ow-wah!

- What power!

What force!

- What's for dinner?

- Clam it, Donnie.

This kid is bad to the bone.

We gotta get him to join our crew.

- I just mopped the floor with you.

Well, good night, Krusty Krab!

- Hey, there, k*ller. My name is Sharkface.

Don't let the teeth intimidate you.

- Hello, Sharkface.

My name is Spongebob Squarepants.

- Well, hey, there, SpongePants.

You ain't as square as you look. You are one poppin' Porifera.

- I am? Oh, thank you, Mr. Sharkface.

Who are your friends?

- Oh, let me introduce you to my fellas here.

Here's my main man, Lonnie.

- Hey, yo.

- Keeping it cooler than a sea cucumber is Ronnie.

- Hey, hey, yo.

- And that decked out righteous brother

is the one, the only Donnie.

- Hey, hey, hey, yo.

- Wow!

- And we are...

The Sharks.

- Ooh, fancy stitching.

- Well, we've seen you doing your stuff inside there,

and I have to say, you got skills, Sponge-o.

- Yeah, skills.

- We could use a fella like you in our crew.

Ever since we lost Jonnie...

- Jonnie! No! - Jonnie! No!

- Jonnie! No-o-o-o!

Jonnie! No!

- Shut it.

Hey, look, we got a hole in our crew,

and we need somebody to fill it.

How would you like to join The Sharks?

- Do I get a jacket?

- Of course you do.

- Yay!

I mean, hey, new friends!

- All right, let's bail on this joint,

cruise the neighborhood.

It's the Sharks!

Are they okay?

- Aw, don't worry about them Bettys.

It's a waste of time.

- Yeah, but what if they're hurt?

- I told you not to worry, but you keep on worrying.

- Cool your jets, Sponge.

- Yeah, don't you trust us?

- I guess so.

- Please, have whatever you want!

Take it all! Take it all!

- That guy seemed really scared of us.

- That guy's loony .

- Hey, Sponge-pants, don't be such a maybe-baby.

- Wah! Who's a baby?

- Stop right there.

Y'all ain't allowed in here no more.

- Give us a break, old man.

- We practically own the place.

- Not after what you did last time.

You wrecked the joint. This is a shark-free zone now.

- What a bunch of hooey.

- Yeah. What are we gonna do, Sharkface?

- The Sharks can't allow this.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Um, you know, maybe we should let it slide.

There are plenty of clubs in the sea.

- Slow down. This is our spot, Sponge.

The Pods.

- The whats?

- It's our rivals...

The Pods.

Pods.

Sharks.

Pods: Pods. Sharks: Sharks.

Pods: Pods. Sharks: Sharks.

Pods!

- Sharks!

- The cops! Phew!

- Hold it there, laddies.

Break this nonsense up right now.

- Now, you Pods clear out of here.

- Hey, we'll see you at the showdown, Sharks.

Unless you're a bunch of jellies.

- We're gonna be there, and we're no jellies!

- Not so fast there, boy-o.

There won't be a showdown.

You lads know that's our turf.

- Stay off our beat. This is your final warnin'.

- Cops, always breathing down our gills.

- Well, I'm glad that's all cleared up.

- You're right, Sponge.

We got a showdown to get ready for.

didn't you hear?

The nice officer said there won't be a showdown.

- Forget the cops.

It's the Pods we need to take down,

and we can do that, because we got you on our side.

- Uh, me? You know I'm not really the showdown type.

- I thought you was one of us.

- Yeah, a Shark.

- I was caught up in the moment. I just love making new friends.

- Do not shrimp out on us, Sponge-o.

The showdown is at the playground, tonight,

so we're gonna see you there, right?

- Um-- Oh, okay.

See you guys there. Bye.

- Don't disappoint us, Sponge.

- Showdown? I can't fight in a showdown.

I'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program.

I'll have to quit working at the Krusty Krab.

I'll never flip a succulent Krabby Patty ever again.

Oh, what have I done?

What's this?

"Ayo, Sponge-o. We were in your neck of the woods

"and decided to pick up your beloved pet, Gary.

"If you want to see him, you better high-tail

"your porous caboose over to the showdown.

Sincerely, Sharkface and the other Sharks."

Gary! No-o-o!

I have to save Gary. I have to go to the showdown!

I have to get ready to fight.

Hiyah!

I'm ready.

- I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.

I'm ready. I'm ready!

Back up, Pods. Don't make me hurt you.

Huh?

- Spongebob, what are you doing here?

- Squidward? Oh, no.

I accidentally joined this bad boy g*ng

and I'm supposed to fight in this showdown

'cause I gotta save Gary,

and I don't want go into the Witness Protection Program,

but I can't fight you, 'cause you're my friend.

- What are you talking about, jellyfish for brains?

We are a troupe.

- A troupe? What do you mean?

- A dance troupe, you numbskull.

This is a dance showdown. No one is going to fight.

- But what about those girls that screamed and fainted?

- Oh, that? That's just our fans.

They scream and faint all the time.

- We love you!

- What about the fruit vendor?

He just gave you his fruit and ran away.

- That guy's a health nut.

He's always worried that we don't eat enough fruits.

- It keeps you regular.

- But what about the club?

The bouncer said you destroyed the place.

- That was a total accident.

That's how we lost... Jonnie.

Jonnie thought he could do a quadruple pirouette.

He lost control, he fell down.

He scratched up the floor pretty bad.

- He won't be able to dance for days.

Maybe even a week!

Jonnie, no!

- Oh, brother.

- But you Sharks kidnapped Gary.

- We would never do such a thing.

- Yeah, we were just giving him a ride.

Gary's our DJ.

- Meow.

- Yay! I'm not a criminal by association.

- Will you stop yakking, already?

- You're right, Squidward. Gary, lay down some tunes.

- Meow.

- Oh, no! It's the coppers!

- We told you to stay off our turf, lads.

- I'm so sorry, Officer. We were just dancing.

- You call that dancing?

Move aside, boy-os. This here is our beat.

- Oh, no, it's Internal Affairs!

- We're shutting you dirty dancing cops down.

- It's time to pop it... and lock it.

It's all over--nobody can beat Internal Affairs.

- Ooh! Leave it to the Sponge.

Ay, yo.

- And the winner is...

Spongebob Squarepants and The Sharks!

For Jonnie!

We saved the rec center!

- What rec center?

- Now everybody's a winner.

- I didn't win anything.

- Cha cha!

- More fruit punch, Spongebob?

- You know Plankton, when you invited me over,

I thought it was another trick to get the Krabby Patty formula.

Now I see you just love

social gatherings in the workplace.

- Oh, I love office parties.

We've got roller chair races and karaoke.

Hey, I know a gag we could do--

copy our faces on the new copy machine.

- Ooh, should I put my face on the glass?

- Why don't you lay your whole body down?

That glass is big enough.

Blah.

How's this? Like this?

What about this? Is this good?

- Just lay face down and keep still.

Whoo!

- All right, party's over. Go home.

- Aw! But I'd like some more fruit punch.

- No more punch for you.

You don't look so good, Spongebob.

I suggest you take the day off tomorrow.

- Nah, I feel fine.

- Are you sure?

- You know, now that you ask, I don't know.

I think I just felt a twinge.

- You'll be fine if you take tomorrow off.

- Yay! - Hello, Spongebob CopyPants.

Can you say, "secret formula"?

- "See-see for-ma-ma."

- "Se-cret form-ula."

- Secret formula. Secret formula.

Yeah.

- Now remember, your name is Spongebob Squarepants

and your assignment is to ask Krabs

for the secret Krabby Patty formula.

- My name is Spongebob Squarepants,

and I want the secret formula.

- Excellent.

Now off you go. Wait!

Just keeping track of my copy.

- What are you doing here? - Oh!

- You said you would take the day off!

- But I feel great today.

- Are you sure? Because you're sweating.

- Ooh.

But you can't work,

you have yellow jaundice!

Oh, Plankton, yellow is my natural color.

Morning. - Whatever.

Morning.

- I said whatever.

Wait. Didn't I just-- Didn't I--

- Boo!

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- There's only one explanation.

I'm still in bed, and I'm having a nightmare!

Wake up!

Wake up!

Wake up!


- Hey, I'd like to place an order for two.

- Two? As in two Spongebobs?

Sure.

This is all just a bad dream, right?

I'm dreaming. You're in my dream.

- That's me, the man of your dreams.

- If this is a dream, there are no consequences.

I can do anything!

Dink!

I really am dreaming.

- What's your name, handsome stranger?

- My name is Spongebob Squarepants.

- Wow! We look alike,

and we have the same name.

That's two things we have in common.

I always wanted a twin brother.

How do you feel about bubbles?

- I love 'em!

- Jelly fishing?

- The same thing you do.

- How about Squidward?

- Oh, "puh-leaze."

- I think I'll nickname you... Me Two.

- Hey, SpongeCopy, good to see ya.

Have you learned the secret formula yet?

- Oh, I can't tell you that. It's a secret.

Oh, by the way, my name is Me Two.

- Me two?

I'm such a deep sea dope.

Now that the copy has come into contact

with the original Spongebob, he won't tell me the formula.

Time to adjust my plan.

- Wait a minute.

I can't afford two Spongebobs!

If this is a scheme to collect two paychecks,

forget about it!

You're getting one paycheck split in two.

You are too good to us, Mister Krabs.

Karen, did you know you're married to a genius?

- How could I forget?

You had it tattooed on my hard drive.

- Now where was I?

Oh, yeah, I saved Spongebob's digital DNA.

Yay!

- Ooh!

- No, no, SpongeCopy.

We don't put dirty, nasty things in our mouth.

Spit it out.

- Yuck!

Now, Listen!

Your name is Spongebob Squarepants,

and you're to go straight to Mister Krabs

and ask him for the secret formula.

- Mister Krabs, secret formula. Got it.

- And stay away from any other Spongebobs!

- Got it.

SpongeCopy.

You see, this is why I never had children.

- Yup, I'm still dreaming.

Hello there. Are you enjoying my dream?

Ha! I heard you liked your patties ground.

Mister Squidward!

Just what the devilfish do you think you're doing?

- Isn't it obvious, you red-faced tightwad?

I'm dreaming.

What's that under there?

- Under where? Ooh!

- That's right.

I always wanted to fly,

and since this is my dream, I'm going to fly!

- Hello, Mister Krabs.

Hey, can you tell me the secret Krabby Patty formula?

- You want me to tell you the "formular"?

That's quite a responsibility, laddie.

- Secret formula.

- Well, you make a good point.

Lean in, boy.

- He's doing it!

He knows the formula!

I can taste triumph.

Wait. No. No!

- Secret formula. Secret formula.

- Hey, look, another handsome devil.

We'll call you Me Three.

Aw, let's go flip some patties.

- Neptune's puddle!

Now that Spongebob's been corrupted by the other two!

What I need is a legion of Bobs, a full-on blitzkrieg of Bobs!

March. March, my pretties, and learn the formula.

Secret formula.

- Whoa, you guys are multiplying

faster than sea bunnies. Secret formula.

- All right, pipe down.

I'm only gonna tell you the secret formula

one more time.

One more time.

- So you've all memorized the formula.

Get to work, while I calculate your paychecks.

Yay! Hooray!

- They all know the formula.

- I'll do that.

Okay, thanks.

- Let me do that. - Sure.

- I'll polish the pickles.

- Looks like you sponges have everything covered.

- Hey, you don't look so good.

Can I take you home? Where do you live?

- I came from the Chum Bucket.

- The Chum Bucket?

- Plankton!

Me Two says you made him in a copy machine

so that you could steal the secret formula.

- Well, that's patently ridiculous.

- You gotta help him.

I think he's sick or something.

- I feel funny.

- Me Two! Me Two!

Oh, what happened to him?

- I was afraid of that.

I thought I'd save some money by using cheap toner.

- What's that mean?

- It means my plan is ruined!

All the Spongebob copies will fade away now.

- Fade away? All my brand-new friends?

No, they can't!

No! Don't disappear!

- Quickly, man, before you fade! What's the formula?

- It's easy. You take one part--

I don't feel so good.

- Wait. No!

You, the formula!

The formula.

The formula!

The formula!

Ouch!

The formula! The formula!

The formula!

- Life is but a walking shadow.

Ah-loobie-loobie-loobie-loobie- loobie-loobie--

Loobie-loobie-loobie!

- What's the formula?

- Well, I did it.

I calculated one paycheck

down into separate tiny checks.

Only one of you left?

Here.

- Sheesh, what a cheapskate.

I can't believe I failed again!

- I can believe it.

- Wait, are you a copy?

Quick, what's the formula?

- Well, you see, it's--

Nice try, Plankton, but I'm the O.S.--

the Original Sponge.

I can't believe they're all gone.

- Oh, you wouldn't want all those copies of you around.

They were all just imitations, anyway.

- Hey, those imitations were my friends.

- One Spongebob is more than the world can handle anyway.

You're a unique snowflake.

- Yeah. Thanks, Plankton.

Things did get a bit out of hand with all those me's around.

- Yeah, you're pretty annoying.

Well, you can stomp on me now if that's what you want.

- Plankton, I am unique snowflake,

and snowflakes don't stomp. They skip!

- Well, what do ya know about that?

No comeuppance.

Gaining speed.

- Increasing thrust, raising nose,

air pressure on tentacles,

tray tables in upright positions,

and...liftoff!

- Eh, spoke too soon.

Comeuppance in three, two--

Right on my keys.
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