08x01 - Accidents Will Happen/The Other Patty

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- Patrick!

Tee time, Patrick!

Patrick! Tee time, Patrick!

Patrick, wake up!

- Ready to lose?

Weather permitting, of course.

- Aw!

How are we supposed to golf in this downpour?

Our putters are getting waterlogged.

- Dumb rain!

Doesn't it know I'm the sherriff in these parts?

Hey, rain, you'd better stop that!

Aah!

- Aah! Aah!

Aah!

- If you two don't mind,

could you keep it down to a low rumble?

Sorry, Squidward.

- I guess we were just so upset about the rain and how--

- don't care.

I was really looking forward to a day

of sportsmanship and male bonding.

Thanks a lot, rain!

- Say, that gives me an idea.

- What follows is a brief construction montage.

We hope you enjoyed this brief construction montage.

- Aah!

- Hello!

Nitwit morons.

- Aah!

- Oh, hi, Squidward.

Up from your slumber, I see.

Well, you're just in time to indulge in a friendly game

of indoor miniature golf.

- I will not indulge in anything friendly

or otherwise with the likes of you two!

And presently, I am heading back to enjoy

a well-deserved mid-morning nap.

- But we sculpted your likeness out of butter

on hole five.

- I don't care!

Listen up.

I will not be woken from my nap again,

and if I am, I'm gonna--

- join us on the back nine?

- Just don't let it happen again!

Or else.

- Let's get this game teed off.

You're up first, my good man.

Ooh, ooh-ooh.

Ka ka ka ka ka ka ka.

- I am warning you two,

keep it down!

- Better tone down the calisthenics, Patrick.

Don't want to upset Squidward.

- Can't wait to lose, huh?

No!

Ooh!

If you had just let me finish my stretches,

I wouldn't have missed my first shot!

- Oh, don't worry, Patrick.

I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.

Besides, we're just playing for fun, right?

And back, and...

- Nice shot.

- What are you doing?

- Moving my ball.

- Patrick, you have to play it where it lands.

- Fine. Have it your way.

Ready to give up?

Hah! Let's see how you do against the windmill.

You haven't got a chance.

- You know, Patrick, this is just a game.

- Oh, it isjust a game,

which I am gonna win.

- I think you're missing the point.

- Speaking of...

M-m-m-missing!

Hah!

Watch and learn, Squarepants.

Watch and learn.

Yes! Let's see if you can top that!

- Okay.

- Spongebob readies the approach shot.

He's gotta be very careful he doesn't hook the shot here,

because this would certainly be an inopportune time

for a bogey.

A pressure-packed shot to be sure.

Friends: Aw!

- Looks like we're tied, three sh*ts to three.

- Heh! sh*ts.

They're called strokes in golf, Patrick.

Not sh*ts.

- Whatever.

And he sinks another hole in one!

That's two in a row!

- All right!

You want to play competitive, eh?

Observe!

Right between the old wicket.

Come on, bally. Don't fail me now.

- Watch out for the water hazard.

- Patrick, the only hazard I can see

is you standing in my shot!

- I have no idea what you're talking about.

- Fine! Be that way!

I'll just go around you.

Oops.

- Show off!

I can do that.

Gaah!

- Aah!

Oh, where did our balls go?

- How do I know? I was just copying you.

Oh, well, I guess that's game point.

- Oh, ho ho ho, hold on there, fella.

It's not over yet.

- But remember what Squidward said?

We can't make any noise!

- Who said anything about noise?

We're just gonna get out of the rough

and back to the course.

- Hey!

Patrick!

Patrick!

What's the big idea?

I thought we were in here to play golf, remember?

- Okay, okay!

- Now where is that darn ball?

- Ooh!

- Patrick, have you seen my ball?

- Was it a red one?

- Might have been in the kelp salad.

- Patrick, you ate my ball?

- Don't worry. I'll get it.

- Patrick, no! - No?

- I have to play the ball where it lies.

We'll need to leave this open.

Now, let's see, if I was a golf ball,

where would i--oh!

Next to the gallbladder, of course.

Fore!

- Where's your ball?

- I don't know.

Gotta be around here somewhere.

- There it is.

- Play it where it lies.

Hole in one!

Top that!

- I could do that blindfolded.

- Hey, wait up!

Warmer. Warmer.

Red hot!

- Aah!

- Warmer. Warmer.

Colder. Colder.

Warmer. Warmer.

Warmer. Hot!

Hotter. Red hot!

Red hot!

No, wait. My mistake.

You're ice cold.

Warmer. Warmer.

Hot. Hot. Red hot!

Red hot! Smokin' hot!

- Wrong again.

- Patrick. - Stop peeking!

Hotter.

Colder. Hotter.

Hot!

Cold.

Hot!

Cold.

Hot!

Cool. Hot!

Cold. - Patrick!

This is ridic--ulous.

Wow, Squidward's really let this place go.

Patrick!

- Aah!

- What are you doing?

- I was just freshening up.

But these fancy fixtures are touchy.

Hot! Red hot!

Aah! Cold, cold, cold!

- Would you please get back in the game?

- But I wanted to try his loofah!

- Those balls have got to be around here somewhere.

Oh, Patrick!

- Uh, look a little closer, buddy.

- Play it where it lies?

- Play it where it lies.

- But how are we gonna hit our balls

back to my house from here?

- All it takes is a little finesse, Spongebob.

All it takes is a little finesse.

- Okay, you're good to go.

- Fore!

It's all yours.

- This one's for all the marbles.

- I thought we weren't betting.

- No, I mean whoever wins this hole wins the game.

What's going on here?

Aah!

- Meow!

Hole in one!

Good morning.

- Sorry we woke you.

- What? What?

- Hey, Squidward, what happened to your dentures?

- Good game, pal.

- Rematch next Saturday?

- Rain or shine, Spongebob.

Rain or shine.

- Guys? You guys?

- Ah, zee first day of spring in bikini bottom.

Zee flowers are blooming.

The rainbows are, how you say, bowing.

Zee jellyfish are buzzing.

- And it is time for zee traditional...

- Spring cleaning!

Guess what time of year it is, Gary.

- Meow!

Thanks for your help, gar.

- Meow!

- Hey, Spongebob.

- Hi, Patrick. How's your spring cleaning going?

Ske-ooh-pah!

It's spring cleaning day?

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Found it!

Thanks for the reminder, Spongebob.

See you again next spring!

What you got in your trashcan?

You're throwing this away?

The wrapper from the gum I gave you yesterday?

- Oh, yeah.

Some people just don't understand

sentimental value.

You're throwing away Pete?

Y-you can part with a keepsake!

That's why you keep them, for Pete's sake!

Hmmph! Why, I'm disgusted!

It's time you reevaluate your priorities!

Maybe Patrick's right.

All of these things do hold precious memories.

- Oh! No!

Come back here!

Ah! Gotcha!

Welcome home, precious memories.

Plastic wrap is neat, huh, Gary?

- No.

- Order up!

Careful with these ones, Squidward.

They're special.

- Oh, dear me. I know.

I hope I never forget this moment.

You're right!

I'm going to need something to preserve the memory.

Oh, perfect.

Ah, memories.

Greasy memories.

Whoo-whee!

Nothing like a hard day's work at the krusty krab,

eh, Squidward?

Whoo!

- You're sentimental about your sweat?

- Aw, that's not all.

And I'm also very sentimental

about these krusty krab keepsakes.

So many memories.

Grill grease, gum from under the krusty krab tables,

today's mop water, bendy straws,

mayonnaise, a collection of freshly-used ketchup packets,

and these are today's order tickets

written by my favorite fellow employee, Squidward.

See? This one has your tentacle print on it.

- Okay, this is getting creepy now.

- Oh, well, I guess I'd better

get these precious memories home.

- Officially creeped out now.

- Hi, Gary.

Ooh.

There. Safe and sound.

Closed up tight.

And you said it wouldn't fit.

Oh, nonsense, Gary.

I'll find somewhere to put everything.

Like the front yard.

- It's Squidward.

- How do I know it's you?

- Open the door, nitwit!

- Oh, hi, Squidward. Can I help you?

- You certainly can hel--

why are you wearing garbage?

- Thanks for noticing, Squidward.

And may I say that's a very becoming dress

you'rewearing this morning.

- Dress? It's not a dress! It's a nightshirt! D'oh!

If you don't get rid of this trash,

I'm calling the sanitation police.

- Aah! Not the sanitation police!

Eeehhhh! You don't understand!

These things aren't junk!

They're my friends.

Like this little guy, Alfred the light bulb.

Oh, we had some great times together, al,

reading, paying the bills.

Why is it the ones who glow brightest

burn out the soonest?

You will be missed.

- Touching. Still creepy, but touching.

Time to make a phone call.

- Sanitation police!

This is a raid!

Step away from the refuse!

- Thank goodness you're here, officer.

- Is this your filthy home?

- No, it is not my home!

It belongs to that filthy little dirtbag!

- Hi.

- Thanks for the information, citizen!

- Huh. Snitch.

- Do your duty, sergeant.

This residence is now condemned.

- Condemned? What does that mean?

- Condemned means this house is unfit to live in.

You'll have to vacate the home immediately.

- Vacate? You mean, I have to move?

- Anything that is a threat to public health

must be condemned.

Sergeant.

- Thank you again, officers.

- Wait! Please don't condemn my house!

- Sorry, Spongebob. The law is the law.

We can't just pick and choose the ones we follow.

- I'll request a commendation for you!

- Really?

- Right after we condemn yourhouse!

- Y--my house? - Yes!

It's as filthy as your neighbor's.

- But isn't there anything we can do?

- You can vacate the premises

or throw away your junk.

- Throw them away?

- Thank you for the tip, ma'am!

- "Ma'am"?

It's a nightshirt!

This is all your fault!

You have to get rid of your junk right now!

- I know.

I'm gonna miss them so much!

- You'll really miss them?

- No. I'll be strong.

- Well, maybe you could take photos of all your junk--

uh, friends before you toss them away.

- That's a great idea, Squidward!

Then, years from now, I can look at the photos

and remember my...

Remember my precious little babies!

- Creepy.

- Say "barnacles."

That's it. Work it!

Nice. Very nice.

Now be angry.

Amazing. Now look pouty.

Now smug.

Oh, that's it. Beautiful!

- Oh, good grief.

- Your pay, my good man.

Good-bye, little friends.

Have fun at the dump.

- Well, now that you've completely ruined my day,

once again, I'm going back to bed!

- All right. Nighty night!

- Idiot.

What the--?

Spongebob, why is my house filled with photos

of your dumb junk?

- Oh, I forgot to tell you.

I took so many pictures, I ran out of room in my house.

- Nice dress.

- It's a nightshirt!