- Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
- Spongebob
Squarepants!
I'm a stunt driver, and I'm making donuts!
Out of the way!
Look out!
Where'd you learn to drive, buddy?
Oh, Mrs. Puff's Boating School?
Me too!
Ahh, the bridge is out!
- That's a sweet little boat.
You're a smart shopper.
- Oh, I'm not shopping. I'm playing.
- Playing, huh?
Well, we have some very playful items here for a...a...
- ...sophisticated motorist like yourself.
- Whoa!
- The Nerdmobile.
It comes with pocket protectors,
corrective lens windshield and seat wedgies.
- Ah-ow! Wow. - No, this isn't right.
I got something more your style.
- Whee!
- The Wimp Wagon.
It includes unlimited tissues for crying,
a security blanket,
and a bumper bonnet for your delicate fontanel.
- Oh, these are very nice,
but I don't have a driver's license.
- No license, huh?
Well, you don't need a license
to drive a self-driving boat.
- Self-driving?
- Meet Coupe. It's very classy.
Chrome-plated exterior, titanium hubcaps,
turbine engine,
and personal driver narration.
- Ooh. Whaaa!
Sold!
- Oh, thanks.
My very own boat.
But there's no key!
And no steering wheel!
Where is that...I gotta...
How do you...
- Settle down, Mr. Squarepants.
- Wow, you talk. How'd you know my name?
- I can feel your square pants on my seat.
Where to, Mr. Squarepants?
- Oh, why don't we just go for a drive?
- You've got it.
Whoa, careful!
And stay in your lane! Stop sign! Stop sign!
Truck, truck, truck, truck.
- Relax, Mr. Squarepants.
I'm an expert driver.
Make yourself at home and leave everything to me.
- Hi, Squidward.
- Oh, I need to erase this from my mind.
Duh! What's a Spongebob?
- Oh, hi, Mrs. Puff.
What do you think of my classy new boat?
- Hello, Spongebob.
Spongebob, ah!
You're not driving.
- I know. Isn't it great?
- Oh, that was the best day of non-driving ever.
Coupe, is there anything I can get you?
Warm glass of oil? Triple-foam conditioner?
- I'm fine. Good night, Mr. Squarepants.
- Good night, Coupe.
What's wrong, Coupe?
- I'm getting wet.
- Whoa!
Here, take this!
What's up? - I'm cold.
- Aww.
There you go, my widdle self-driver.
Nice and snuggy-wuggy.
- I don't like it out here. I want to be inside.
- Inside?
All right, Coupe. Come on in.
- Hey, you know what'd be fun?
If I sat in you and we pretended
we were in a drive-in movie.
- No, it wouldn't.
- Okay, so I guess you're just gonna click through
the channels looking for a boat commercial all night, huh?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought I was a guest here.
- Of course you are.
Well, I'm tired. You can stay up.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, Coupe?
Good-night. I had a wonderful day.
- Gary, what is what?
- Sorry, Mr. Squarepants, I'm so...
- I know, Coupe.
You're tired. We're all tired.
- Mr. Squarepants, I can drive you to work.
Why are you walking?
- Oh, yeah, well, I didn't want to wake you.
You were sleeping like a baby.
Heh. Baby buggy! Baby buggy...
- Hey Spongebob, how about a ride?
- Well, sure, Patrick. Hop in.
- Yay!
Oh, oh boy!
Buttons!
- Patrick, could you not...
I don't think he... Don't get your...
- Butt on buttons!
- Uh, Patrick, I don't think Coupe likes that.
- Passenger, settle down.
- Hey, ice cream. Where's the cone?
- Oh, don't worry. It's down there somewhere.
- Ugh, Eww. All right, that's enough!
- Thanks for the ride!
- Here we are.
- Here we are, where?
- Where I work, the Krusty Krab.
- What? I can't be seen here.
I'm a classy car.
This place is tacky.
Coupe, open the door! I'll be late.
Yow! But I have to go to work!
- You obviously have no taste,
so today we're going to do what I want to do.
- But I have to go to work.
I have to go to work.
But I have to go to work!
I have to go... - Go to work?
- No, go to the bathroom.
- You can hold it.
- Or I could just go.
- Ugh. Make it snappy.
Very funny, Coupe. Very funny.
- What's in the bag? - Oh, nothing.
Hey, wait!
- What are you doing, Squarepants?
- I'm going to work.
- Ooh.
- Did that hurt? - Of course not.
I'm a boat. I don't feel physical pain.
- Good to know, because I'm a stunt driver,
and I'm making donuts.
- Oh, no you don't.
Give me that!
- Yahh! - Ohh!
Now this is where I should be living.
Penthouse parking lot, please.
Thank you.
- Hi, how you doing today? Good?
Well played, Coupe. - Indeed.
- And now we can get to the Krusty Krab the fast way!
- What? No! No! Noooo!
No, you don't.
- No, no, we're not going into the tacky Krusty Krab.
- You're right, we're going through the drive-thru!
Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream please.
Squidward, you see me struggling with this boat,
and you act like you don't care.
- It's not an act.
- I hate do you this to you,
Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream,
but I have no choice.
- Oh, no, stop! I don't like that.
Hey, Spongebob!
- Oh, not this idiot again.
- Ah, I thought I smelled ice cream.
- My self-driving days are over.
- What do you plan on doing with me, Squarepants?
- Eh, I have an idea.
- These self-driving boats are real classy.
It stopped again.
- Don't worry, Patrick.
Here's a whole bag of quarters
so you can ride forever.
- Please, somebody, strip me, sell me for parts.
Just put me out of my misery.
- It's too high. I can't!
- Cannonball! Ohh!
- Now you've got water wings. Try them.
- Marco!
- Eeh. - Marco?
- No, I'm Joshua. - Okay, bye.
Marco.
- Polo.
Marco!
Shady Shoals residents, out of the pool.
- I pooped. - Come along, Mortimer.
I'm covered in wrinkles.
- Oh, we all are, dear.
I call them oldie foldies.
Hurry, Mortimer.
Shady Shoals is serving prune ice cream today.
- Dah! Ice cream, oh, oh!
Wait for me!
- Marco!
Marco!
- Marco? - Yeah, I'm-a Marco!
What do you want? - Oh, I don't want you.
I want Patrick.
- Then stop a-yellin' my name!
Marco.
- Attention, everyone.
We found a lost elderly gentleman
who goes by the name of Mortimer.
Can anyone claim him?
- Come on, let's move it!
I want prune ice cream.
Ohh.
- Mortimer, ice cream time.
Brain freeze!
- Clear!
Clear!
Brain food.
- Got you!
- Marco!
- Marco!
- You!
What I tell youse about-a yellin' my name?
I-I don't remember.
Um, sometimes it helps me to remember
if I go into a trance.
I'm seeing a small farmhouse painted white.
Does that have any significance to you?
- My parents had a white farmhouse.
- What's this? A baby has been born.
A boy. There is much happiness.
- That's-a me. I was-a born there.
- They are about to name the boy...
- Marco. They named him Marco.
It's Marco. Marco!
- Polo.
- Ahh! If I catch anyone a-yellin' my name again,
I'm-a gonna hurt them.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Marco. - Polo.
- Ah-ha-ha! Found you!
Now it's your turn to call Marco.
- Do I know you, young man?
- Patrick, it's me. Remember?
- I don't know. A wizard?
- Spongebob Squarepants!
The one and only.
Okay, now it's your turn to call Marco Polo.
- Whoa-oh, I can't do that.
I'm all wrinkled now.
I do old stuff.
- Old stuff? Like what?
- Check it out.
This is called doddering.
Oh, here's another thing I do now.
It's called gumming.
Neat, huh?
Now this part's really fun.
It's called complaining.
These kids today, they don't know diddly squat.
- Wow, Patrick, those are all great things,
but wouldn't you rather go jelly fishing?
No, that hurts.
- We could be sand castles.
- It's not structurally sound.
- Well, how 'bout blowing bubbles?
Nothing bad about a bubble.
- Ooh.
Are you trying to k*ll me, son?
- No, I just think we should act our age.
Remember when we used to look forward
to rainy days and building cushion forts?
- These days, I only look forward
to my final exit.
- Oh, he was too young.
- No, I wasn't!
No, he wasn't. We are not young.
- Come on, people.
Just 'cause you're old doesn't mean you're rotting fish.
You're still vital, full of life.
Fresh.
- Fresh, you say?
Okay, you young-at-hearters,
today you are gonna climb that tree.
Yes, yes, that's right!
Put those flabby arms to use.
Laugh at your lumbago. Cackle at your cataracts.
- Is it nap time yet?
- Nope! It's time for the dance party!
Everybody on board.
Are you ready to get down?
- Yeah.
- No, not like that. Like this!
- Now...now...now... Now you're talking.
- Now let's kick it up a hundred notches.
Yeah!
Oh, what's happening?
- Oh, clear!
- Isn't it great to get outdoors
with the fresh air and sunshine?
- Stop this rug!
Bunny Buns. Bunny Buns.
Bunny Buns! Bunny Buns!
- Bunny Buns? That's a good idea.
Nothing makes people feel young
like arcade games, grease and sugar.
- This is fun!
- You're coming in too fast on the bridge
and you're blowing clams.
- Now that's what I call jazz.
- Ha ha. So sorry.
Let me just take this.
- I can help you with that.
Eww. - Hey!
- Old people, behave! - Whoa!
skidoo!
- Spongebob!
I'm drowning.
- I'm coming, Patrick!
- Thanks, old-timer. - Oh, you're welcome.
What, who you calling old-timer?
Whoa.
Where have the years gone?
- I'm losing steam.
- Wait, hey, man.
Don't make a scene in front of all my old friends.
Now I can't dodder.
Here you go, friend.
- Got you!
- You got me again.
- Marco. - Polo.
- Marco! - Oh, that's it!
I said I was-a gonna clobber the next-a person
what-a calls my name!
- No one clobbers Clarabelle!
- Oh, Marco?
- Polo.
11x12 - Drive Happy/Old Man Patrick
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.