00x45 - The Streaming Wars

[bunniefuu]

- [CAR HORN HONKS]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MULLHULLAND: Citizens of Denver,

we are in the middle of
an environmental crisis.

The winters are bringing
less and less snow.

And now, we are facing a drought

due to the effects of Global ManBearPig.

- A drought?
- ManBearPig?

- What? No.
- What? ManBearPig?

All of Denver's water comes
from streams up in the mountains,

but now, ManBearPig has
decimated these areas

and wreaked havoc on the
upper mountain streams.

And so, effective immediately,

we are declaring a drought

and cutting back on
all the city's water.

- No!
- You can't do that!

What about our homeowners'
association rules?

Some of us are required
to have nice, green lawns.

You expect us to have

- nice, brown lawns?
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

I own golf courses
in the Denver Metro area.

You're not cutting
down on my damn water.

Have you all forgotten about the Pi Pi?

I have Denver's largest water park.

All water parks are % pee

and % water.

You-you can't forget about a Pi Pi.

Nobody wants to lose the
water, but we're in a drought.

- [SHOUTING STOPS]
- MULHULLAND: There simply isn't

enough water coming to Denver
from up in the mountains.

And the water up there is being used

for farms and agriculture.

What kind of agriculture?

♪♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da. ♪

How's it looking?

They still look dry.

Okay, then I'm gonna open the reserves.

♪ If you ain't taking care of business ♪

♪ This you must expect... ♪

Yeah!

♪ When it's wet ♪

♪ Oh, come on... ♪

[LAUGHING]

♪♪

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

CARTMAN: Yeah, and so,
and so then, so then

Clyde said that if a
chick uses hairspray,

you can actually light her head on fire.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah-huh, Tolkien.
You guys want to see?

Kenny, do you have matches?

Yeah, of course I have matches.

Check this out, you guys.

- BUS DRIVER: Eric Cartman.
- [BUS BRAKES]

Eric Cartman.

What? You're ruining it.

This is your stop.

Oh. Right.

Scuse-scuse me.

Hey. Hey, guys.

You want to come hang
out at my house for a bit?

Uh, no, that's cool.

It's not my fault that
my mom lost her job

and we had to move, you
guys. It's really not so bad.

Uh, yeah, maybe some other time.

CARTMAN: My house is cool, you guys.

- Kenny, you want to come chill?
- I'm cool, dude.

It's still way better
than your house, Kenny!

'Cause your family's poor!

Your family's poor, Kenny.

Hi, honey. How was school?

f*ck you, Mom.

You doing anything, Tolkien?

You want to come over to
my house, play a board game?

Oh, um, I should probably go home.

Well, okay, you want to play
a game over at your house?

Yeah, uh, I-I don't know.

Sorry, I'm just... not
in the best mood, I guess.

Hey, are you still worried about Karen?

Yeah.

Yeah, me, too.

But we all have to try to
just be happy, you know?

No matter what happens with Karen.

You're right. Okay, come on.

RANDY: Hey.

Stan, where do you think you're going?

I'm gonna go hang out at Tolkien's house

for a bit, Karen.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am, Karen.

You better knock that off.

I don't want you playing with Tolkien.

Karen, just come back inside.

I've told you I don't want our son

hanging out with those people.

And exactly what do you
mean by "those people"?

I mean traitors

who I hired to give my
weed more street cred,

and then go out and open
their own weed business.

You're not the only weed
grower in this valley.

But I was supposed to
be the only Black one.

WATER COMMISSIONER: Excuse me.

You the owners of these farms?

I own Tegridy Weed,

the original marijuana
farm on this street.

Okay, and your name is...

His name is Karen Marsh.

You better get that f*cking
name out your f*cking mouth.

Well, gentlemen, I'm
the Water Commissioner.

Colorado Division of Water Resources.

I'm here to find out
exactly what's going on

with the city's water. Weed?

The city's water?

Well, you see, the water here
is supposed to make its way

to all the thirsty
people down in Denver.

And, uh...

Well, there's a lot of
thirsty people down there.

I just want to see how much you farmers

are actually using.

Okay, well, we can show you...

Well, you should check
out his f*cking farm.

If you're, if you're gonna
check out anyone's water,

it should be his.

All right, maybe I'll do that.

[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

CARTMAN: ♪ I live in a hot dog ♪

♪ On a lonely old hill ♪

♪ People make fun of me ♪

♪ And that's not cool ♪

♪ I'm isolated from my friends ♪

♪ Against my will ♪

♪ My possessions are now condiments ♪

♪ And that is not cool ♪

♪ And I don't want to live like this ♪

♪ You don't know how I feel ♪

♪ I've got no room to grow ♪

♪ And it is just so not cool ♪

♪ Just once in my life, I'd
like cool stuff to happen ♪

♪ Everything keeps changing,
and I'm not adapting ♪

♪ I'm crying like a girl,
and it's super not cool ♪

♪ And I just want
something cool to happen ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ I've lived through such pain ♪

♪ The word's been so cruel ♪

♪ Something's got to happen,
something that's cool ♪

♪ I just want something
cool to happen... ♪

This is it, right here.

♪ To me. ♪

REALTOR: Okay, right
this way, Mr. Cussler.

You are going to love this property.

It's over acres, and it's
in a real up-and-coming area.

I think you could build
an amazing home here.

Yes. Yes, I believe I could.

Now, it's about an hour commute
from where you are in Denver,

but I think the potential
here is fabulous.

TALNUA CUSSLER: Oh, yes.

It looks absolutely ideal.

Do you like to entertain?

Because you could easily
build a ten-bedroom house

on this property. You
could have a dedicated gym,

even a full-size movie theater.

Full-size movie theater?

If you want, we can
walk around the property.

- It's a bit muddy, but we can...
- That won't be necessary.

I'll take it. Full asking price. Cash.

Oh-oh-oh.

Da Da.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yes. Come in.

Mom said you wanted to see me.

Yes, Shelley, have a seat.

Close the door, please.

[RANDY CLEARS THROAT]

I've been, uh, wanting
to talk to you, Shelley.

Um...

Can you tell me why everyone
is calling me "Karen"?

Don't worry about it.

Well, everybody keeps calling me Karen,

and I don't get it.

Is it, is it, like, a joke or something?

"Karen" is a pejorative
term for a white person

who acts overly entitled and demanding.

Okay, well, that's f*cked up.

Don't you think that's
a little, like, sexist?

I didn't start it.

Well, who did?

The Internet.

So-so now somebody is a Karen

just 'cause they want to be
treated with some respect?

I deserve to not have people
walk all over me, okay?

I have the right to call
the cops when things happen.

That's fine, Karen.

Shelley, I deserve to not have...

What the f*ck is he doing here?

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Excuse me, this is my property.

Your soil seems very hydrated.

Must be getting lots of water.

What are you saying,
that I use too much?

I use the water that my
crops need and nothing more.

Is that a Slip 'N Slide over there?

That is an agricultural
Slip 'N Slide, yes.

Apparently, you know
nothing about farming.

Look, if you have any excess of water,

you might actually make some
money, that's all I'm saying.

Make money? Wait, what?

You heard of water transfers?

See, you have a lease
to use some of the water

from your stream here,
but what you don't use,

you could actually sell the rights to.

I already talked to
your neighbor about it.

Yeah, well, see, the thing is,

this farm is about Tegridy,

not stupid water rights.

And if you want to keep
coming here and bugging me,

then I would like to
speak to your manager

because you are harassing me,

and I am important.

Well, have a nice day, Karen.

It's Randy!

I know what Karen means. I'm not stupid.

[VIDEO GAME g*ns BLASTING]

What the water
commissioner said is true.

We have water rights
to use , gallons

a month off our stream.

If we could cut back our
agricultural water use by %

and show that our excess
water is making it down

to the Denver Reservoir,

then we'd have the right to sell it.

You really think so?

I was a financial consultant

before I was a weed farmer...
There's potential here.

But how do we even prove the water

from our farms makes it
all the way to Denver?

- Raingutter regatta.
- What?

We made those little boats in
online COVID camp, remember?

Oh, yeah. I bet we could
float that down our stream.

We demonstrate where the water goes,

and meanwhile,

we start selling off
pieces of our water rights

to subscribers that want it.

Boys, can you build me a test boat?

Sure.

We're about to start our very own...

streaming service.

♪ There's some whores in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores in this
house, there's some whores ♪

- ♪ In this house ♪
- ♪ I said certified freak ♪

♪ Seven days a week ♪

♪ Wet-ass p*ssy, make
that pullout game weak ♪

- ♪ Woo, yeah ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, you f*cking with some ♪

♪ Wet-ass p*ssy, bring a bucket ♪

♪ And a mop for this wet-ass p*ssy... ♪

TOLKIEN'S DAD: The Credigree
Weed streaming service.

We are currently in beta testing

to see if our stream makes it to Denver,

but if it does, we are seeing

if there are any interested subscribers.

♪ Give me everything you got for this ♪

♪ Wet-ass p*ssy, b*at it
up, baby, catch a charge ♪

♪ Extra large and extra
hard, put this p*ssy... ♪

Come on.

♪ Hop on top, I want
to ride, I do a kegel ♪

♪ While it's inside, spit in
my mouth, look in my eyes ♪

♪ This p*ssy is wet, come take a dive ♪

♪ Tie me up like I'm surprised ♪

♪ Let's roleplay, I'll wear a disguise ♪

♪ I want you to park
that big Mack truck ♪

♪ Right in this little garage ♪

♪ Make it cream, make me scream ♪

♪ Out in public, make a scene,
I don't cook, I don't clean ♪

♪ But let me tell you
how I got this ring ♪

♪ Gobble me, swallow me,
drip down the side of me ♪

♪ Quick, jump out 'fore you let
it get inside of me, I tell ♪

♪ Him where to put it, never
tell him where I'm 'bout to be ♪

♪ I'll run down on him 'fore
I have a... ayy... runnin' me ♪

♪ Talk your sh*t, bite your lip ♪

♪ Ask for a car while
you ride that d*ck ♪

♪ You really ain't never
got to f*ck him for a thang ♪

♪ He already made his
mind up 'fore he came ♪

♪ Now get your boots and your coat ♪

♪ For this wet-ass p*ssy ♪

♪ He bought a phone just for pictures ♪

♪ Of this wet-ass p*ssy ♪

♪ Paid my tuition just to ♪

♪ Kiss me on this wet-ass p*ssy ♪

♪ Now make it rain if
you want to see some ♪

- ♪ Wet-ass p*ssy ♪
- ♪ Now from the top, make it drop ♪

♪ That's some wet-ass
p*ssy, now get a bucket ♪

♪ And a mop, that's
some wet-ass p*ssy ♪

♪ I'm talkin' WAP,
WAP, WAP, that's some ♪

♪ Wet-ass p*ssy ♪

- _
- ♪ Macaroni in a pot ♪

- _
- ♪ That's some wet-ass p*ssy ♪

♪ Whores in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores in this
house, there's some whores ♪

♪ In this house, there's
some whores in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores in
this house, there's some... ♪

- Yeah! We did it! Yeah!
- We totally did it, dude.

As you can see, the water
from Credigree Farms flows

directly into Denver's water supply.

Well, in that case, I
suppose all your subscribers

get to have more water
from the reservoir.

Ah. Oh.

You all make-a Pi Pi so happy.

Now, my water park can
have a-plenty a-water

to mix with all-a the pee.

Of course,

you will have to prove

that the flow of water is constant.

We'll need a little boat to come through

to the reservoir every day.

Every day?

Boys, I'm gonna need you to make
a lot more boats for my stream.

How do you feel
about... bucks a boat?

bucks a boat? Hell yeah.

We're gonna be rich, dude.

Mom. Mom, I need to talk to you.

Come on, sit down.

Eric, if you're going
to yell at me again

about our home, I really
don't have the strength.

No, Mom.

I'm never gonna need to
yell at you ever again.

We're gonna get out of here, Mom.

What are you talking about?

I've figured our way
out of this hot dog.

I don't know if you've
seen, but there's a rich guy

building a big house across the street.

We can live in that house, Mom.

We can have him take care of us.

Eric, how would we do that?

Because we are gonna get you...

fake tits.

What?

Breast implants, Mom.

That's what rich guys like.

You remember what Matt Damon said?

Fortune favors the brave, Mom.

When rich guys come up here
and get one look at you with

your big, sweet tits, they're
gonna give us everything...

Eric, that's enough, okay?

What do you mean it's enough?
I've-I've figured it all out.

Rich guys want a woman
with nice titties, Mom.

- It's very...
- Okay.

Eric, I'm not comfortable
talking about this.

Well, I'm not comfortable
living in a f*cking hot dog.

We live here because I gave
in to you and quit my job.

What do you want from me, Eric?

I want you

to get breast implants, Mom. [SNIFFLES]

So-so that rich guys like you,

and we can go live in a sweet house.

Please, Mom,

I just want you to get fake tits.

Eric, even if I wanted to,

the fact is, we can't afford it.

A surgery like that is very expensive.

Like, how expensive?

At least $ , .

$ , ?

Yes, Eric.

We can't afford it?

We can't afford it.

Chief.

- Chief, there's a big problem.
- What is it?

We've got a code red
emergency call on .

It's Karen.

Oh, not Karen again. Jesus Christ.

Yes, Karen, how can
we help you this time?

Okay, first of all, I know what it means

when you call me Karen, so
you can just knock it off.

Secondly, secondly, my neighbor's kid

is over here at my house.

There's a kid trespassing at your house?

No, my son invited him over

for lunch, and my wife is making
him hot dogs and tater tots,

even though I said I
don't want him here.

Well, then what harm is he doing, Karen?

His family farm is shady.

Did you know that they're
doing a streaming service?

I demand that you investigate.

How did they manage to
even show that their water

goes through to Denver?

Hello? Are you listening to me?

I want to talk to your manager.

I've already told you,
Karen, I don't have a manager.

Thanks, Mrs. Marsh.

Can you believe that?

The cops aren't even gonna do anything.

Oh, well, at least you tried, Karen.

- [CHAIR SCRAPES FLOOR]
- It just doesn't make sense.

How is that traitor
able to prove his water

makes it down to Denver?

Well, um...

maybe he got some creative people

to put something on his stream.

Yeah, I'll bet you he did.

He's got to be paying
some expert or something.

Oh, if I could find that
guy, I'd pay him double.

Well, you know, at camp,
they had us build these...

little boats, that, uh...

They're kind of tough to make, but...

I think that we could
make you something.

And then we could float
the boats downstream

from the farm with little Tegridy sails

on them to show people where
the water's coming from.

Could you guys build me
a test boat right away?

Oh, uh, yeah, we could probably
build you something, yeah.

I can't wait to see the
look on that traitor's face

when he sees that we're in
the streaming business, too.

Last night, I had a
dream that Ariana Grande

was trying to f*ck
her own ass with a g*n,

but then she farted, and
blood sh*t out her d*ck.

[LAUGHS] Ariana Grande?
That's hilarious.

STAN: Kyle.

Kenny. You guys, get over here.

Sit down, you guys. We need to talk.

What's going on, dude?

Check this out.

Where'd you get that?

Making stuff for streaming services.

Holy sh*t. Really?

We made these for my family's farm.

Then we took another deal
to make them for Stan's.

So then we went out and
offered boats to, like,

three other farms,
and now they want stuff

for their streams, too.

- So, you guys want to help us?
- I don't get it.

You don't have to. We don't, either.

You just have to make boats.

But we want to keep it on the low

because we don't want
other kids copying us.

Are you guys gonna have Cartman help?

No. He'll f*ck it all up somehow.

Okay, I'm in.

[SIGHS] f*ck.

Faster. Work faster.

We need to be up and running.

WATER COMMISSIONER: Excuse me.

Mr. Cussler, is it?

Who are you?

I'm the water commissioner.

I just, uh, wanted to see
what you're up to up here.

I'm not up to anything. Why?

Well, you know, there's a
lot of streaming services

starting up in this town, and, uh...

word on the street is you might
be trying to outdo them all.

They're all just small time creeks.

When it comes to the Streaming Wars,

I intend to be the Amazon... River.

Yeah, well, you see,
there's regulations,

Mr. Cussler.

There's state rules when
it comes to streaming.

And, uh, well,

if you don't follow them,
bad things can happen.

Is that right? Boys?

I'm not some pissant
little farmer, Commissioner.

You want to thr*aten me,
I'll thr*aten you right back.

I didn't mean to thr*aten you, sir.

In fact,

I think I can help you.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

We've only got
minutes left, you guys.

We've got to work faster.

I'm waiting on more popsicle sticks.

Come on, Butters, you have
to speed up your station.

I'm sucking down popsicles
as fast as I can, fellas.

There you guys are.

How come you're in the
home ec room during recess?

Are those popsicle stick boats?

Oh, yeah. We're just
making some popsicle boats.

We're gonna, you know,
like, race them, you know.

You're gonna race all
those popsicle boats?

Yeah, just, you know,

race them, see which one wins.

Right-right, fellas?

Oh. That sounds like
a fun activity. Um...

I was just gonna ask you guys,

do you know any way
to, like, raise money?

What do you mean?

We have no idea what
you're talking about.

Okay, I just...

I need to try and raise
some money because...

my mom needs to have a surgery,

and we can't afford it.

Oh. Dude...

How much does your mom
need for her surgery?

About $ , . I'm sorry, you guys.

Just go back to your boat
races. I'll talk to you later.

Cartman, wait.

You actually can help us.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Look, dude, we're actually making money

for a streaming service.

- Really?
- TOLKIEN: Yeah, come on.

You can help us, and we'll
cut you in on the profits.

Oh, my God, what-what
streaming service is it?

It's a bunch of different ones.

Here, help me cut out these masts.

Okay, yeah, sure.

And, Cartman, I'm sorry.

Thanks, Kyle.

♪♪

It's a green boat.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Anyone on the green boat

streaming service can
have their allotment

of water for the day.

Oh, here comes the white boat.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Subscribers to

Kush Country Farms Streaming service

have their allotments.

Escusi. Escusi.

Pi Pi's been a-waiting all
day for his water ticket.

My water park need water.

You'll just have to be patient.

There's a lot of different
streaming services now.

Yes, there's a-too
many streaming services.

There's a streaming service for this-a,

and streaming service for that-a.

Pi Pi can't find his stuff-a.

Why can't-a Pi Pi just have

a one streaming service
have-a everything?

Pi Pi got a streaming
service he like-a,

and then-a Pi Pi's stuff not on it.

Pi Pi so confuse-a.

[SCANNER BEEPING]

Yeah, yeah, we're
getting more supplies now.

You guys just keep building boats.

We'll be there fast as we can.

Dude, I'm starting to
think we took on too much.

- It's okay.
- It's not okay.

We haven't even finished
Karen's boats yet.

I do not want to piss Karen off.

Tolkien, I've told you,
don't worry about Karen.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Hello, boys. That's quite
a haul you have there.

My name is Mr. Cussler.

I bought some property up here.

I've been asking around, and, uh...

I believe you're the ones responsible...

for these?

- Maybe.
- Fantastic little boats.

I'm a big fan of your work.

I have a nice stream
going through my property,

and I'd like you to
make something for me.

- Oh, we're-we're pretty, uh...
- We're pretty loaded up, man.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

That's why I'd like to
make you an exclusive deal.

I want , of your little boats,

and I'll pay you $ , .

BOTH: $ , ?

But I'm gonna need them
right away. Say three days?

I have... big plans.

Dude, we can't make
, boats in three days.

We'll do it.

Cartman, come on, that looks like sh*t.

Come on what, Kyle?

Look, I-I know we're
making a lot of these,

but we still have to
make them look nice.

- Does it really matter?
- Yes, it matters.

The streaming services
are paying for nice boats.

They don't give a f*ck, Kyle.

They're gonna take
everything they can get.

Everyone knows, at the end of the day,

there's only gonna be, like,
three streaming services,

so they, like, everyone
just wants to have their sh*t

on their stream and get
bought out, you know?

And they don't give a
f*ck how good anything is.

And the people who made all the
deals, they don't give a f*ck

'cause they're all gonna
get fired anyway, you know?

And everyone working at
this streaming service

is now working over at
that streaming service.

No one gives a sh*t about
what f*cking goes on in it.

Butters, I-I think you've
had too many popsicles.

Yeah, I think maybe I've
had one too many popsicles.

You guys, you guys, we did it.

KENNY: What'd we do?

We just got an offer for , boats.

It's $ , , you guys.

That's almost $ , each.

- We're millionaires!
- Whoo-hoo!

Hey, hey, aren't you
guys forgetting something?

Cartman's mom's surgery?

Oh, right.

Well, what do you say, guys?

With this money, before we do anything,

we pay for Cartman's mom's surgery.

You definitely have my share, Eric.

Mine, too.

I really...

really... don't f*cking
deserve you guys.

Come on, let's get to work.

[WATER PIPES CREAKING]

Just how bad could
the water situation get

for Park County farmers this summer?

A new study says this year's snowpack

has almost completely
melted, and, once again,

ManBearPig is to blame.

That's right, Tom. It appears ManBearPig

has done a lot more damage this
year than originally predicted.

As the spring thaws continue,

we simply aren't seeing that much water

from way up on the mountain peaks.

If ManBearPig is truly out there,

then farmers might want to start looking

at the state of that snowpack, Tom.

_

_

Over here.

Here!

What is all this? What happened?

The housing market up here...

it went crazy.

We've just been selling properties

without sleeping or eating.

This property here was
the last to get an offer.

The seller countered,
but we haven't heard back,

and it's really a buyer's market.

Who's buying it all?

Some rich guy from the city.

[COUGHS]

But we are currently
taking backup offers,

if you'd like. Do you have a broker?

We are really the best in
town. My coworker Janice

sold over listings in hours.

Look at this.

They were right about ManBearPig.

There's not nearly as
much snow as last year.

Yeah. There's a lot you
can do with this property.

It has expl*sive views

and a southern exposure for
those chilly winter nights.

You can't sell all the land up here.

Can't you see they just want the water?

That's probably why they asked
for the inspection contingency.

We countered with an extra days

until close of escrow.
[CHUCKLES] We got them.

There's no snow up here.

There won't be enough
water for South Park.

You...

You could have a walkout basement here

with room for an outdoor kitchen.

Think of the entertaining potential.

Do you like to entertain?

[YAWNS]

[CHICKENS CLUCKING]

[WATER RUSHING]

"Cussler Industries"?

Huh? Huh?

Oh!

♪♪

My streaming service!

♪ Happy surprise time ♪

♪ To you ♪

♪ Something's happened that's cool... ♪

What is this, Eric?

♪ Just sit down right here ♪

♪ Your son has done something cool. ♪

Are you ready, Mom?

[GIGGLES] Yes. What is it, sweetie?

- Wait a minute, Eric, what is this?
- [DOOR OPENS]

Okay, hello, Mrs. Cartman.
I'm Dr. Stevens.

I understand you're interested
in breast augmentation?

That's right, she is.

Well, there are a few options.

We prefer the saline implants now.

They-they can be put either under

the chest muscle or on top.

Did you have any idea what size
breasts you wanted to achieve?

The largest size.

Eric, I've told you a hundred times,

I'm not getting a boob job.

Uh, I'm a bit confused
here, Mrs. Cartman.

Your procedure has already
been completely paid for.

- What?
- Surprise!

I raised all the money, Mom. It's done.

No, Eric. I said I don't
want breast implants.

You said we couldn't afford it.

I went out, and I worked every day,

and I got you the money
for new tits, Mom.

I'm fine with my body the way it is.

You are, but rich guys
aren't. Am I right, Doctor?

Okay, uh, Mrs. Cartman,

if you'd like to just go
back up to the front office,

they can refund all the money.

No! No, Doctor, please,
I live in a hot dog!

Because he made me quit my job,

and I promised myself

I wouldn't give in to him ever again.

Get fake tits or else
I'll call the police, Mom.

Do what you want, Eric.
I am done with this.

Fine, then I'll run away.

You'll just have to run away, then.

I'll go live with Grandma.

I'm sure Grandma would love that.

I've given in to you
too many times, Eric.

It stops now.

You're not gonna give in,
huh? We'll just see about that.

Doctor, keep those tits on ice.

What is that?

It's... it's a little boat.

Stan, are you making stuff

for other streaming services?

Stanley? We had a deal.

Are you making stuff for other
streaming services, yes or no?

Yes. This guy paid us
a shitload of money.

I paid you a shitload of money.

Yeah, we make them for whoever pays us.

We make stuff for Credigree, too.

For Credigree?

They're the enemy, Stan.

You live here.

You're exclusive to Tegridy Weed.

[SCOFFS] Everyone is fighting
and trying to get rich,

and we're just in the
middle doing our thing.

Doing your thing. Wow.

You're a f*cking d*ck.

How much money's enough, Stan?

Cock-sucking c**t.

- What is going on?
- Oh, nothing.

Your son and his friends
just made exclusive deals

for multiple streaming services.

Ugh.

Oh, but I guess that's just Karen

being Karen again, huh?

Yeah, screw whatever Karen thinks.

Maybe it's bad for
business, but f*ck Karen.

Okay, I'm sorry.

We're going to march right
over to where this guy lives,

and tell him that you
can't possibly take on

another streaming service
without sacrificing

- the quality of your product.
- Rats.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, Mom, I guess I'll be leaving now.

Oh, really? Where are you going?

I can't do this anymore, Mom.

If you won't listen to me, then
I really don't have a choice.

Well, I'm very sorry to hear that, Eric.

I hope you take good care of yourself.

Okay, well, I guess I'll
just ask you one more time

if you would please
get fake tits. I know...

I'm not getting breast implants, Eric.

Okay, that's fine.

So, you're running away?

Oh, I'm not running away, Mom.

No, that would be the easy way out.

You remember when I told you how easy

breast enhancement would be,

and you said, "If it's so
easy, why don't you do it?"

Well, I'm taking your advice, Mom.

If you won't get fake
breasts, then I will.

- What?
- I've already paid the clinic,

and I'll just tell them that
the implants were for me.

You know it's , right?

You know they do surgeries
like this to kids now?

Guess I'll just go
and get fake tits, Mom.

Well, Eric, I guess
that's just your choice.

Mom, I'm serious. It's .

They do these kinds of
surgeries to kids now.

Yes, I know.

Okay, well, then I'm
gonna go to the doctor,

and I'm gonna go get breast implants.

Okay.

Okay, Mom, I'm going out the door.

Okay, sweetie, be safe.

Gonna go get fake tits now.

If that's what you want, Eric.

It's not what I want, it's
what you're making me do, Mom.

Okay, honey, well, I love you.

- Okay, well, I'll see you.
- Bye, honey.

Gonna go get breast implants.

I'll come pick you up when you're done.

Cool.

Come on.

Yes?

Hello, we'd like to speak
with Mr. Cussler, please.

For what?

Well, I want to let him
know that my son here

made a streaming deal that
he had no business making.

Didn't you, Stan?

No, technically, no.

Technically what?

I'm afraid Mr. Cussler can't see you.

Oh, really? Okay, well,

you go and tell him that
it's Karen Marsh, okay?

And that I will talk to him right now.

He can't talk to you because he's dead.

What?

Mr. Cussler's body was
found several hours ago.

He was... att*cked

by ManBearPig.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

Everyone keep this area clear.

I need casts of the footprints.

Keep your radios down. We
don't want the press showing up.

What's going on here?

Aw, sh*t, it's Karen.

[OFFICERS GRUMBLING]

Hey, look, my son was in
business with this guy.

You really think he was
k*lled by ManBearPig?

Take a look for yourself.

Something tore him apart
and sh*t in his face.

Workers found him late this morning.

The footprints are those of a pig,

but the claw marks are those of a bear,

and the excrement,
clearly that of a man.

Why would ManBearPig single him out?

Apparently, this Cussler guy

was taking advantage
of the water supply.

ManBearPig must've gotten
some kind of vengeance

for the rich guy's greed.

Oh, no.

Karen? What is it?

Karen?

It's just that...

if ManBearPig was getting
vengeance on Cussler,

would he also want to come after my son?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Ah, yes. Come on-a in.

It's a-open.

Hello, Pi Pi. Do you have a minute?

Oh, my good friend
from-a Credigree Farm-a.

So nice a-you to visit. Mwah. Mwah.

Look. Everything going
good for-a Pi Pi water park.

Everyone having fun.

Yes, that's what I came
to talk to you about.

Pi Pi, I'm sorry, but...

I'm going to have to
cancel my streaming service.

What? Cancel-a Pi Pi?

The drought is worse
than everyone thought.

ManBearPig did a lot of
damage this year and...

I don't have enough water for my crops.

Oh, that's too bad.

It's too bad 'cause
now you f*cked, a-huh?

I need my water rights back,

or else my farm won't survive.

Oh, you make-a Pi Pi cry.

What-a you expect-a, huh?

It's a drought everywhere.

Why you think I buy your water?

You can-a suck Pi Pi d*ck, huh?

Hey, you son of a bitch.

You knew what you were
doing the whole time.

You think I'm just gonna
sit here and take it?

I'll call the water commissioner.

Oh, no. No, you-you
don't have to call him.

He's right here.

Afternoon, pal.

How's the drought treating you?

So, the water commissioner was working

for you the whole time.

Well, I don't have a problem
kicking both of your asses.

Oh, I'd be a little more
worried about the other guy.

[ROARING]

[SCREECHING]

ManBearPig. He's working for you, too?

Everybody wants to get
in the streaming business.

You're the one who
bought all the properties

on the mountaintop.

You just have it all
figured out, don't you?

Yeah, looks like-a Pi Pi has
it all pretty figured out.

g*dd*mn it, I'm not
gonna let you... [SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[CHOKING]

I'm sorry, Pi Pi can't hear you.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

How is he?

I believe he's coming to, Doctor.

[GROANING]

Hello, Eric. Just want to let
you know everything went fine.

We're gonna let the anesthesia wear off

a little more, and then
we can let you go home.

[STAMMERS]

Okay. Um, cool.

CARTMAN'S MOM: Well, you did it, Eric.

I hope you're happier now.

They all said you were very insistent.

That you said you'd
cancel them if they didn't

put breast implants in one of us.

I-I...

I-I have fake tits?

CARTMAN'S MOM: They said that tube

is for draining blood while
the swelling goes down.

Your breasts are swollen now
as a reaction to the implants.

Okay, well, now that you
see how serious I was,

what're you gonna do now?

I'm gonna go down and get
some grocery shopping done.

Mom?

I will go to school like this.

You're gonna have to
give in at some point.

Mom?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Well, have you guys
seen Butters or Cartman?

- What the hell is going on?
- I don't know, but we have

a lot of boats to make,
and recess is almost over.

You guys. You guys.

There you are. What's wrong dude?

Um, we need to stop making
stuff for streaming services.

What're you talking about?

It's all getting really weird.

The guy we made the
deal with? He was k*lled.

He was k*lled?

I think we got greedy. I got greedy.

We should've never gotten
involved in the streaming wars.

They've upset the balance of nature.

Hey, whoa, whoa, Stan.

We weren't greedy, okay?

We made the money for a good reason.

Yeah, dude. Don't forget,

everything we did was for a good cause.

CARTMAN: You guys.

You guys, something is
seriously wrong with my mom.

She's acting crazy.

Are any of your parents
acting weird at all?

Hey, fellas, are we making more
boats for the... Whoa, hello!

Jesus, what happened to you, Eric?

Okay, okay, fine. I was hoping

everyone would just be cool,

but I guess we need to talk
about the elephants in the room.

This was not a choice.

You guys, I...

I live in a hot dog, okay?

And all I want is to have a real home,

and a room that is mine
to sleep in at night.

To... Is something funny, Clyde?

[STIFLED LAUGHTER]

Yeah, it's real funny.

If I were you guys, I'd be super pissed

at my mom because you
worked hard for this money.

All right, Cartman, stop f*cking around.

Obviously, those aren't real.

I didn't say they're
real. They're not real.

They're silicone implants
surgically inserted

under the chest muscle.

Nobody believes you
actually got fake tits.

These are real fake tits.

Kenny, feel them. Go on. feel them.

Those are f*cking real, dude.

- What?
- Thank you, Kenny.

Now, if we can all get
our minds off f*cking boobs

for a second, something's
happened to my mom.

TOLKIEN: Mom? Mom, what's wrong?

Mom, slow down, I can't understand you.

What do you mean, Dad is missing?

See?

I want to congratulate you, Pi Pi.

It appears you've won
the streaming wars.

And I want to thank-a
you for your service.

It's been-a nice working with you.

[CHUCKLES] You think it's over?

You're gonna need me more than ever.

Oh, but, uh, but I have-a
everything I need now.

Water?

You silly little guy.

You really think you
own all the water now?

You know who actually owns the water?

The State of Colorado.

Every drop that rains from the sky.

Your little water rights won't
mean anything when Arizona

comes knocking, when Kansas
wants all their water.

Oh, no. You make-a Pi Pi worry.

You're gonna need me
for a long time, buddy.

You know who really own the water?

Nobody.

Now, the people a Denver,

they think they have-a plenty of water,

so they gonna go and use it all.

And when all the water is-a gone,

there's only one thing
left for people to use.

The one thing that-a Pi Pi
have more than everybody, huh?

No, no, no. It's good.
It's completely safe.

Just a little salty, eh?

You're planning on selling piss?

It's-a, it's-a destiny.

All the fresh water go bye-bye.

Everybody gonna have to
wash their clothes in pee.

Brush their teeth in pee, no?

And who has the most pee

in all the land-a?

Only a psychopath would
speed up climate change

for his own profit.

Yeah, well, you see, ManBearPig,

eventually, he gonna k*ll everybody.

He just gonna k*ll you first.

- [SCREAMING]
- [ROARING]

["USE ME" BY BILL WITHERS PLAYING]

[WATER COMMISSIONER CONTINUES SCREAMING]

♪ They keep trying to tell me ♪

♪ All you want to do is use me ♪

♪ Uh-huh, but my answer ♪

♪ Yeah, to all that use me stuff ♪

♪ I-I-I, yes, I want ♪

♪ To spread the news ♪

♪ That if it feels this
good getting used ♪

♪ Oh, you just keep on using me... ♪

[LAUGHTER]

♪ Until you use me up ♪

♪ Until you use me up ♪

_

_

♪ My brother ♪

_

♪ Sit me right down ♪

♪ And he talked to me ♪

_

♪ And I want to spread the news ♪

♪ That if it feels
this good getting used ♪

♪ Girl, you just keep on using me ♪

♪ Until you use me up ♪

♪ Until you use me up ♪

♪ They keep trying to tell me ♪