13x05 - About a Girl

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

(Computer beeps)

Hawaiian!
You shouldn't have!

Uh, I didn't.
It's for my date with becky!

But she's in florida.

What're you gonna do,
mash it through the screen?

I ordered a pizza
to her house too.

Now, buzz off!

(Sighs) fine.

(Becky giggles)

Welcome to chez torres,
madame.

Becky:
oh, adam,
what's the special occasion?

Just spicing up
our nightly facetime date.

I thought
I'd surprise you with-

Todd:
hey, becks!

Becky: hey!
Todd: good call on the 'za!

Adam!

That's how they deliver pizza
in florida?

Becky:
no, silly, that's todd!

Todd:
hey, man!

I ran into the pizza guy
outside.

He's here to pick me up
for church group.

It's on his yacht!

But we facetime
every night.

Sorry, I must've forgotten
to mention it,

But I'll make it up to you.

We'll do three hours tomorrow!

Kisses!

Don't worry, man,
I'll take care of her.

Drew:
now can I have a slice?

Come on,
todd got one!

Who the hell is todd?!

I think that's the guy
stealing your girlfriend.

(Stunned gasp)

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ (The best that I can be) ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

(Church bells ring)

(Whistle blows,
car horns honk)

You are not skipping class
again!

Tristan:
I told you,
I'm sick.

Oh yeah?
What're your symptoms?

Um, fever...

Runny nose...

(Coughs)

I thought you were supposed
to be an actor.

Fine,
I'm not sick.

I just can't stand to watch
miles french zoe

All over french school,
anymore!

They gross me out too,

But you can't let this ruin
this whole trip!

Well, that's easy
for you to say!

'Cause you didn't
find love

Just to have it
snatched away from you

By some
"west drive" hussy!

(Laughs)

Sorry,
just four days ago

You were like
her biggest fan.

Yeah, and now
she's dead to me.

Finit.

Come on.
Just come, for me.

It's not like they're gonna
make out in class.

(Maya gasps)

Tristan:
you want symptoms?

I'm gonna barf.

Tristan!

(Irked sigh)

Winston,

You need to talk
to miles for me.

Winston:
original.

Getting the best friend
to reveal your crush.

W-what?!

No! It's the pda
with zoe.

And you want me to...?

Tell him to stop!

Yeah...

Ask miles to stop
doing something

And he goes twice as hard.

So unless you wanna
walk in here

And find a mattress-

Ew!

There's gotta be a way.

Mme cliquet:
aujourd'hui, il sera question
de crime et de chatiment.

Au dix-neuvieme siecle,

Le pilori etait une forme
d'embarrassement public

Pour arreter
des crimes mesquins.

I'm pretty sure

Public embarrassment's
illegal now.

Nice try, though.

♪♪

What?!

(Sighs indignantly)

♪♪

Adam, my fire
won't stand up.

No problem, bud.

"Best night ever?!"

Yeah, with my girlfriend!

Colton:
that's your girlfriend?

Pretty!

I have a girlfriend too!
Madison.

Don't ever let her go
to florida.

Colton:
who's that guy?

Adam:
that's a pizza stealer
named todd.

Colton:
I hope madison never
finds a todd.

Me too, colton,
me too.

Okay, so,

The trick is getting
the first two

To stand on their own.

You try.

(Phone buzzes)

More pictures?
(Bitter laugh)

Are you kidding me?!

Hey, colton,
does it look like he's tou-

Colton?

Imogen, where's colton?

Imogen:
you lost a camper?

I'll go find him.

Colton!

Colton!

Clare:
chemo done for the day,
hospital food choked down,

I'm ready,
tell me all about leo.

He is... Pretty good.

"Pretty good?"

You practically floated
in here

After your date
last night.

Zoe:
for you,
not from me!

Leo!

"Can't wait
to see you again.

Let me make you dinner tonight.
Leo."

Clare:
oh no, the cute french guy
who works at a cafe

Wants to cook you
a romantic french dinner!

Zoe:
worried about
all the cream sauces?

They're fattening.

Alli:
no, it's not dinner
I'm worried about.

It's... Dessert.

Jenna and clare:
oh.

You're not ready?

No, I'm too ready!
I really like leo,

I just don't wanna
rush things, you know?

Just tell him
you'd rather do

Something else
on your date.

Yeah, but I tried
that already.

With dave...
And with drew...

And with...johnny,

And that didn't really
work out too well.

Zoe:
jeez, why don't you
just strap on a chastity belt?!

You got one?

(Laughs humourlessly)

Adam:
colton?

Oh! Colton,
this isn't funny!

Colton!

Drew:
hey, baby bro! Shouldn't you be
with your campers?

I lost one.

Colton,
have you seen him?

Sorry, what do you mean,
you lost him?!

He's not a wallet!

He couldn't have
gotten far.

I only checked hastygram
for a sec.

You couldn't stop obsessing
over stupid becky

For two stupid minutes?

Campers come first,
adam!

I know!
Just help me find him!

Simpson's gonna k*ll me,

Then I'm gonna come back
from the dead

And I'm going
to zombie k*ll you.

I know it sounds awesome,
adam,

But trust me,
it's not going to be!

Colton:
aahhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh god!

Colton and dallas:
aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh, you are fast,
little man!

Colton, are you okay?
Where'd you go?

Dallas:
I found him
with another group.

Colton:
I went to check

That my girlfriend
didn't find a todd.

I bonked my head.

Dallas, can you please
take him to the nurse?

It's okay, I got it.

No, you're in
the penalty box.

This isn't hockey!

Go to the resource centre
and wait there

Till I talk to simpson.

If you tell simpson,
I'll get fired!

Well,
if I don't tell him,

And colton tells his parents
that he roamed free,

I'll get fired!

Drew, I can't lose
this job.

You know what, adam?
You kinda deserve to!

It's the only thing
keeping me

From going totally insane
over becky.

Fine. I'll try
and convince simpson

It was just
an honest mistake.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you!

But if he keeps you on,

No more phone,
no more hastygram,

And no more b-word,
you got it?

I got it,
I swear.

(Sighs)

(Phone buzzes)

(Forceful exhale)

(Sighs heavily)

♪♪

(Maya sighs)

(Sighs)

Tristan:
maya, the caf had french toast
and regular toast.

But since we're in france,

Doesn't that also make it
french toast?

So weird, right?

Maya?

Um, what are you doing?

Maya:
oh, you're just in time
for the show!

You're going to play
a bucket?

Okay, zoe and miles
are sucking face out front...

I'm gonna douse that flame.

You little devil woman!

(Laughs)

(Water splashes,
screams)

Woman:
oh! Qui a fait cela?

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

Vous deux, en retenue
immediatement!

Oh! Oh!

Well, at least in detention,

We won't have
to watch them kiss.

♪ Make up your mind, oh ♪

♪ It's tough to guess yes,
no, no, no-no-no, no ♪

♪ Yes!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yeah ♪

♪ Make up your mind ♪

So this is the camp
slammer, eh?

You join a g*ng yet?
Get a tattoo?

Learn how to play
the harmonica?

What?

No, I'm waiting to see
if simpson gives me the chair.

Imogen:
ooh, that's the guy
making moves on becky?

You know about todd?

Yeah, colton's very worried
about your relationship.

(Laughs)

You really think
becky's cheating?

Why don't you just
talk to her?

I went loco
when I couldn't tell fiona

How I felt about
her leaving.

Then when you told her,
she broke up with you.

Right, that's true.

Adam:
I should just delete
all these stupid photos.

You know her password?

Yeah, it's the same
for everything...

Including facerange.

Okay, you're not
gonna log in!

Adam:
only to see what becky and todd
are saying to each other!

Probably just dumb stuff!

Good, then I can know
and I stop worrying!

This is the worst
idea ever.

(Keys clack)

That's not all just
dumb stuff, is it?

A hundred and eighty-seven
chats!

But none of them
seem romantic.

Becky tells todd everything!

Correction,
not everything.

The name "adam" comes up
zero times.

Maybe she uses a nickname
for you.

Search "my hunky bf"
or... "Hotpants."

I never thought
I'd call becky unfaithful!

Hey, if ms. Florida doesn't
appreciate the cute,

Funny, clever guy you are,

Then she clearly
doesn't deserve you.

Drew:
whoa! What happened
to your girlfriend?

Uh, I think
she got a todd.

Well, at least you
have a job.

You worked it out
with simpson?

Drew:
yeah, but you're on probation,
so no more screw-ups!

I gotta go plan
tomorrow's activity.

See you later, buddy.

Imogen:
good news, kid!
You're sprung.

Let's pop this hoosegow.

Are you kidding?

I can't just let this guy
ruin my life.

So what are you
gonna do?

I'm gonna send this todd
a message.

(Knocking)

Leo:
door's open!

Oh, hey you!

I thought you'd never
get here.

(Alli laughs nervously)

Jenna:
ahem!

Alli:
right! Um...

I brought my friends.
Double date!

Is that okay?

Connor:
it doesn't look like
there's enough food.

Leo:
i-i think I can stretch it.

Alli, can you give me
a hand?

(Alli laughs nervously)

Is this
a north american thing,

Bringing friends
on a date?

Um, they're having
problems.

Like serious
relationship problems.

Really?

Yeah, they're like,
pulling away

From each other
physically,

So I thought they could benefit
from hanging out

With a couple
as great as us.

You think
we're great?

Yes!

We could lead
by example.

So they can stay?

(Laughs)
of course.

(Sighs happily)

Vous voulez vous amuser
avec des seaux remplis d'eau?

Allez-y!

Jouez jusqu'a ce que
cette piece brille!

Maya and tristan:
oui, madame.

(Students chatter)

(Shoes squeak)

(Sighs)

Hey, it's like
we're in "les miz."

Nice try,
but pruny fingers?

Not a good look.

(Sighs)

Hey, tris, I know this
is all my fault, okay?

But don't abandon me!

I'm just gonna find
rubber gloves.

Chill.

(Water splashes)

Miles:
what kind of crazy person

Dumps a bucket of water
on a teacher?

Maya:
you've done worse.

I'm just glad your aim
wasn't better.

Maya:
I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Miles:
oh, no?

'Cause it seems like that bucket
had my name on it.

Not you.

You and your girlfriend.

I wouldn't call zoe
my girlfriend.

Oh, so you just make out
with whoever?

Whoever asks nicely.

So ask away.

(Laughs)
yeah, right.

I wouldn't kiss you
with my dog's lips.

So you're just hell bent
on stopping me

From kissing someone else?

It was for tristan!

You kissed him, miles!
You got his hopes up!

And now you're making him
watch you and zoe

Grope each other
in every nook and cranny

Of the entire school!

You know, he can't even stand
to come to class anymore!

(Sighs)

(Gasps)

Look what you did!

Miles:
wait, wait!

Are you sure
you don't wanna kiss me?

Imogen:
so you're going
to impersonate becky

And tell todd to go scram?

It's the only way
I can get rid of him

Without letting her know
I broke into her account.

Does anyone else
think this is sketchy?

As long as he does it
after camp hours,

I don't care.

Yeah,
that seems smart.

As long as it sounds
like becky,

And you delete it
from her outbox right after.

Right. Okay.

"Dear todd...

There's something
I need to tell you."

No, that's too smart.
Becky's very bubbly.

You've gotta be like, uh,

"Sorry, toddy,
I shoulda told you

'Bout my snuzzle-bunny adam!"

(Drew and dallas laugh)

I'm glad you think
this is funny.

"I have a boyfriend
named adam,

But I don't mention him much
'cause I know you like me."

Because you would cowr
at his inch biceps.

Drew: pow!
Adam: next.

Um, but I'm totally
in love with him.

"But I'm totally
in love with him.

You need to stay away
from me.

Please respect my choice."

What do you think?

Dallas:
love it.

It's not gonna work.

Why not?
It sounds like her.

And it's gonna
sound like her

When she tells todd
she didn't send it!

But I'm deleting it
from her outbox!

How will she know?

Imogen:
she'll know
when he asks her about it!

"Also, please never
speak to me again.

P.s. Wear a shirt."

(Drew and dallas snicker)

Sayonara, dirtbag!

Let's celebrate at our house.
Pizza's on me!

Sweet!

Let's do it!

(Sighs)

Knock, knock.

Special delivery.

One best friend
who's really, really sorry.

Tris?

Please talk to me.

I really didn't mean
to tell miles.

Tristan:
then why did you?

Well...

He kept saying
I liked him.

Do you?

Of course not!

But you still had to sell me out
to prove your point?

Maya:
no, that's-
that's not what happened!

Tristan:
yeah, it is!

This morning, I could pretend
I wasn't feeling well.

Now miles knows
I'm just a lovesick puppy.

It's mortifying.

I can fix this!

No thanks.
We're done.

Wait.

What does that mean?

Tristan:
I'm not going to sign
for your best friend package.

Return to sender.

(Door creaks shut)

Jenna:
this sausage is amazing!

Leo:
you like it?
I have plenty more if you want.

Oh no, it's okay.

Leo:
so how long have you two
been together?

Jenna: um, a couple of months.
Connor: seventy-two days.

Counting the days.
This one is very romantic.

Ten dinners,

Five walks with
no predetermined destination,

Twelve movies -

Nineteen, if you include
the stay-at-home ones.

I don't,
jenna does.

So, leo, we've only been doing
the touristy parts of paris,

Is there anywhere special
that we're missing?

Leo:
well, if you really want
to be alone,

I recommend
le parc des buttes-chaumont.

It has many secluded spots,

Perfect if you wanted to get
intimate with each other.

Like sex
in a park?!

Uh...if-if you like.

No, no, I don't want
to have sex!

Connor!

What?

I hate even thinking
about sex!

The-the touching,
the textures,

The smell?!

It just makes me
queasy.

Well, you can't even
think about it?

Not even with me?

Alli:
connor.

What? Isn't that
why we're here?

So you don't have
to have sex with leo?

(Jenna groans)

(Sighs)

Leo:
if you're not attracted
to me...

Alli:
are you kidding?
I'm crazy attracted to you!

You're cute,
you love science,

And when I'm with you,
I feel so special.

Leo:
but you brought
your friends over

So we wouldn't make out?

It's not you,
it's me.

Ah, I know that one
from american movies.

Are we breaking up?

No!

I'm just scared
that if I move too fast,

I'll ruin everything.

Fast, slow,
standing still.

As long as I'm with you,
nothing can ruin this.

Pinky swear?

Hmm?

It means "I promise."

"Aimer ce n'est pas
se regarder l'un l'autre,

C'est regarder ensemble
dans la meme direction."

Hmm.

Do you know
what that means?

No, but it sounds sexy.

It's a famous
french quote.

It means, "love is not
looking at each other,

But looking in
the same direction.

Yeah, but it's the only way
to kiss you.

(Leo laughs)

(Drew, dallas,
and imogen laugh)

With todd gone,

I am so ready to focus
on teaching those kids

Everything I know
about camping!

How you pee your pants
when you see a garter snake?

That was once,
and I was like six!

Imogen: ohhhh!
Adam: yeah!

(Phone beeps)
dallas: mm!

Mm, damn.
It's not me.

Fifty texts to alli,
not one back.

Hmm.

(Gasps) guys,
it's me! Becky!

"Hey adam,
my plans fell through,

So call when you can."

Guys,
I think it worked!

Yay.

Hey, bex! Miss you!

Aw, miss you, too!

Super weird day though.

Facerange said
someone accessed my account

From toronto.

Facerange is so buggy though,
so I'm sure it's nothing.

Oh, except that todd
got a message from my account

That I didn't send.

Wow, that's crazy!

You should email
tech support.

I know it was you, adam.

Adam:
(scoffs) what?

Okay, I had to!

How could you?

You're out parading
in a bikini

With that shirtless idiot!

So? He's just a friend!

Oh, for now!

What is that supposed
to mean?

He's trying to get with you!

But I'm not trying
to be gotten with!

If you were worried
about todd,

Then you should've talked
about it with me,

Like I did with you
about imogen.

I know, it's just-

Becky:
what, you'd rather break
into my account,

Go behind my back,
and lie to me?

Please don't be mad.

I would never cheat,
adam!

It's a sin,

And I can't believe you
think I would!

Adam:
so let's just forget
about it.

I'm an idiot, okay?

Let's laugh it off.
(Laughs)

Becky, please.

I love you.

Becky:
but there's no love
without trust, adam.

And if you won't talk to me,

Then you obviously
don't trust me.

I think I need some time
to think about all this.

Adam:
no! Becky, wait!

Becky:
I'm sorry.

(Phone clicks off)

(Sighs)