02x07 - Pin Cushion

[bunniefuu]

( music playing )

I didn't get the role?

- Not yet. - How? What?

No, but you know, it's-- wait.

I mean, you didn't let me finish telling you.

It's between you and another person

for the lead of "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

- Bobbie! - You need new food.

Jesus.

Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit.

I'm sorry.

You have a pin in you.

What the hell?

Bobbie, Diego said I had "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

You've been pinned! Like a beautiful butterfly,

skewered through its pulsating thorax.

It's down to you and the very last Hemsworth.

The last Hemsworth? Is he good?

Mm, he is the best.

Farnsworth Hemsworth.

- He sounds good. - Mm-hmm.

Well, when will you know?

Jack is all over me about "Spectrum" and scheduling.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and by the way,

do you have the shirt?

- Yes, I have... - Ooh!

And where's the hat? And the track pants?

I'm not wearing it all. That sandwich board?

It gave me some serious splinters.

Wray, Jack needs for you to get the crowd excited.

He wants to get into Shock-A-Con,

and you've got to drum up the buzz!

"Drum up the buzz"?

Why does that sound dirty when you say it?

Oh, by the way, Wray, I have a hot tip for you.

- Also dirty. - Lou Ferrigno?

He's doing a stage adaptation

of John Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men."

Lou Ferrigno, who's standing right over there?

Yeah, that's the one who gave me the hot tip.

Wow, could you just never say it ever again?

I pitched you to him. He's so excited.

It's Off-Broadway, Wray.

- Off-Broadway? - Yeah.

- I started in the theater. - I know.

- Wray Nerely. - Oh, my God.

( laughs )

- And Bobbie! - Oh, my God.

You're a sight for my sore thighs.

Oh, well. ( chuckles )

I was hoping I'd see you two at one of these things.

I've been doing lots of them.

I bet. I saw your movie.

You were the most villainous supervillain I have ever seen.

Congratulations.

I'd never done a superhero movie before.

Oh, you were so manly.

And scary. ( laughs )

They're doing a spin-off of my character,

dark origin story.

"The Persnickety Adventures of Doctor Fussbudget."

Ooh. You have hit the big time.

- You want to hit something else? - Big time.

I'm gonna-- Lou?

You're still a filthy little animal.

Oh, I'm filthier.

- Lou. - Oh.

Hey, uh, I-- my manager,

she was just telling me about "Of Mice and Men."

Oh, my God, I love that play.

- It is such a classic. - Oh, yes.

Ever since I was just a giant boy,

I've wanted to do the show.

I see. Well, because you're perfect for it.

- Karen! - Wray.

- How... - You have something on your lips.

Because you do.

I'm assigned to Lou for this con.

That's great. That's great.

She is great.

- She's dressed just like me. - Yeah.

So I can be a decoy if there's trouble.

It's uncanny, but...

maybe you should put some more muscles in there.

- Oh! Yeah, good call. - Yeah.

I didn't have to worry about that with Wray.

Ready, set, go.

Hello, my name is Bucky, and... ( chuckles )

...yes, it is a nickname.

It's a long story.

As the founder of this event,

I have the honor to say,

the Long Con welcomes you!

Now the signing is about to start, so we should head on down to the floor,

but try to stay close because the route can be a little tricky.

In fact, you know what? I'm gonna buddy up the VIPs.

I don't want to lose you. You're precious to me.

So buddy, buddy.

Buddy, buddy. Buddy, buddy.

Buddy, buddy. Buddy, buddy.

All right?

Okay, everybody got their buddy?

Then I'm gonna tell these VIPs something.

I'm gonna tell you we're gonna make some magic at the Long Con,

right now! Let's go!

- We're gonna do it. - Whoo, let's go.

- Yeah, we're buddies. - It's gonna be fun, Wray.

Right this way. Over here, yep.

Whoo wee!

Wray: Lou, the themes still ring true today.

Absolutely, Wray. Universal.

We've all longed for more. We've all had dreams we couldn't achieve.

- Yeah, yeah. - Ah, "Of Mice and Men."

You know, I've always dreamed of playing the role

I believe to be the heart and soul of that story:

Candy's old, blind, crippled, stinky dog. Boom!

sh*t in the back of the head. It's the mo-cap holy grail.

Fella could win the Mocademy Award with that kind of role.

It's not for awards or applause or even a paycheck.

I'm out.

Wray: You know what? See, this is what I miss.

I miss the art of acting, you know.

I hate the business. I got a pin in me.

What does that even mean?

I miss the theater. The glow of the tape,

the smell of the greasepaint, hairspray...

- naps on a union cot. - Exactly.

And you did the adaptation?

Yes, and I'm still faithful to the original text.

This is exciting.

Guys? Guys, wait up!

I got my muscles! Guys!

Oh, boy! This is the big time!

Please, hold this wide open. I don't want any lawsuits.

VIPs coming through. Very important people.

Come on in, guys. This is the signing hall.

Take a quick peek. I know, this is it, guys.

Okay, get over here, guys.

I need a quick head count, can we please?

Just to make sure we're ship-shape, everything's on top?

Okay, all righty, there you are.

We're two short.

Who's missing?

- Where are Lou and Wray? - Are you kidding me?

- I don't know. - You should know this.

Oh, God. That's the fatal flaw of the buddy system!

Schick.

I am impressed, seriously.

This is really great stuff, Lou.

Where the--

Hey, I'm sorry, just real quick--

this part's confusing. Why is it all caps?

Should we read through this a little?

You wanna-- yeah, here.

The sun is just setting.

- We've been on the run all day. - Right.

It's getting cooler. Cicadas drone.

Now we've come upon a stream.

Mm, hmm, hmm.

Both: Don't drink so much, Lenny,

'cause you're gonna make yourself sick.

I did that, that was me. I'm sorry.

Okay, okay. Let's just start over.

Both: Don't drink so much, Lenny--

- Am I-- - I'm playing George.

- You're Lenny. - Oh.

I'm the-- I'm the-- I'm the "hulking man...

...who you don't want to make angry. He's the size of a grizzly bear."

Yep.

You're George? "The slim-- slim, quick--

- Slim and quick." - Yep.

Great. I mean, oh, you're doing this Off-Broadway.

Just off Broadway, and Spring.

By the Staples Center.

Downtown LA.

That's great.

Are you more of a tenor or a baritone?

What? I'm sorry.

Well, you know, I believe that your song could be comfortable

in a mid tenor voice,

but I can modulate them down, if it needs to be.

This is "Of Mice and Men: The Musical."

Yeah. I changed the title.

"I'm With Stupid"?

"I'm With Stupid."

- And I'm playing S-- - Stupid.

I wanna...

I wanna-- I wanna dig down in this right now.

I wanna dig down, I wanna get into this,

'cause this is sweet...

sweet, sweet sugar,

but I got "Spectrum: The Movie."

I gotta do this for Jack, because we want to get a movie going,

and I got a-- did I tell you I got a pin in me?

I got a pin in for "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

I did, I remember now.

It's a huge business deal.

Why don't we talk about this up on the flo--

- Is this the only door? - ( music playing )

The overture swells,

and lights up!

( cheers, applause )

I apologize again.

Uh, my name is Bucky.

It's a nickname I got from-- well, it's a long story.

There's a teensy tiny delay

with the Lou Ferrigno, Wray Nerely signing

but they should be out in just a moment.

Aah! I'm Lou Ferrigno!

- He's here! - You won't like me when I'm angry!

Grr, I'm big and scary-looking,

but polite and gentle, and make people feel at ease.

I wear cologne.

That's not Lou Ferrigno.

Yeah, that's maybe his brother or something?

Well, now I see it, that is not Lou Ferrigno.

( Bobbie clears throat )

- Chucky, I just went-- - No, it's Bucky.

- Boggie. - No, "buh."

Lady.

Listen, I don't get a cut of Wray's signings

unless he's here, so I'm gonna get him for you.

I'm gonna find him, okay? Okay, good, good, good.

I'll be right back with Wray Nerely! Yes!

( cheers, applause )

Appears I'm gonna have to wander through the darkest recesses

of the building's bowels to find him all by my lonesome.

Can't have you wandering the bowels of the building without your buddy.

- Your butt buddy. - I need a buddy. I need a buddy.

Come get me, buddy. Come get me-- oh!

No, no, Wray. His joy's gotta be in his jump.

( both muttering )

- Hold the door! - Huh?

Wray, what are you doing here?

We've been looking all over for you.

"Of Mice and Men," sort of.

Oh, I love that book.

Okay, you play Curley.

Hmm. And you...

- Curley's whore wife. - Oh, you mangy--

Wray: Hold the door!

I'm so sorry. I was looking for my backpack.

It has my medicine.

Wray Nerely!

I will see you in Hell!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh, yeah, I know.

I bet that many of you are wondering

about my unusual name.

Well, it's a long story.

People didn't actually call me "Bucky" until I was around 12 years old

when I was pinned under a dead elk during a hunting mishap,

along with the family dog, who I was forced to eat

in order to survive.

I ate the dead elk, too.

Uh, the elk was a buck,

and the dog's name was Lucky.

So there you have it.

That story was much longer when I was living it.

( booing )

Bam bam, right?

- You into that? - ( crowd booing )

Crowd's starting to turn. I'll get you to safety.

And you come too. And you.

- Ah-ha! - Nice try, Gandalf.

b*at it. You.

Bree.

Gonna wax you. Wax you real good.

Bucky: I've got news.

Wray has a panel starting very soon in Hall K,

and I'm sure he'll do his signings there.

That's probably where he's been the whole time,

in Hall K.

Hull... Hull...K.

Come on, guys! Come on.

You can't leave, we all know it. Love y'all.

( grunts )

What is wrong with you, man?

( grunts )

Aah, stop it!

Leslie: It's not me, Wray, it's in the script.

- Hold the door. - Hold the door!

( whimpers )

Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle of the Long Con.

What do you two do?

Uh, I'm a comic book artist.

Report to scenic.

- And what do you do? - I'm a voiceover actor.

Can you do an owl? Hoo!

Hoo.

Hoo hoo.

- Sound. - Ha ha!

Aah! God!

You don't punch me yet!

Wray, you're supposed to catch Curley's fists.

- I know, but he's-- - He's a boxer.

He always wears a single glove filled with Vaseline,

and keeps one hand soft for his wife.

Yeah.

Brought your own. Nice.

Yeah, well, it's not Vaseline, but it's a lubricant.

I am playing the wrong role.

- Look, Lenny is angry. - Yes.

Curley should not make you angry.

No one likes you when you're... ticked off.

Do you hear yourself--

Aah!

Ah, no, I was a boxer in the Navy. It's just an instinct.

Mm, kick him in the ass.

- Ha! - No, don't you d--

Bobbie, you're not in this scene.

Fine, I'll take five.

Punch.

Oh! Ooh, ooh.

Wait, no, I'm a method actor, so you can really squeeze it.

But-- ooh, that stings.

Aah! No, no, aah!

But I mean, I didn't tell you to stop.

Got it, Wray?

- ( laughter ) - There's plenty of Jerry to go around.

Wray: No, no, hold the door!

Jerry.

Have you cast the dog yet?

- It's yours. - Ah.

Thank you.

- Try to stay in character. - Which character? Huh?

The big, hulking, angry guy, that character?

The character you should be playing?

I should play Lenny?

We should be trying to get out of here,

not sewing costumes or building a barn.

Someone should be posted on that door!

Me as Lenny?

Would you--

That might be crazy enough to work.

Would you stop it with the play already?

Wray, you sound like you want out.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you're an artist, there's no way out,

except through art.

We're all here, at this convention,

to celebrate the echoes of past creations,

but that's no way out.

Right here, right now, anything is possible.

We could fly out on the wings of imagination,

but we need you, and each other.

And maybe a horse for the barn scene.

Hold the door!

Thank you.

Close it.

No wait.

I need my medicine.

It's okay.

Your Lenny idea isn't half bad.

I say we give it a sh*t.

I'm proud of you, Wray.

Let's put on a show.

( all cheering )

Aww... damn it!

( music playing )