04x07 - A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste

[bunniefuu]

[CHRIS] Last time on Total Drama
Revenge Of The Island:

we saw how clueless our players are
when it comes to fashion

and how useless they are
when it comes to rescues.

In the end, Sam got the toss-eroo

and Scott and Jo got
tossed onto opposite teams.

You call that buffing?

I wanna see my ruggedly
handsome face in every toenail.

Who will thrive
and who won't survive--

This is the Department of Environmental
Protection. You're busted, McLean!

Aw, man!
Meddling tree huggers!

Launch Operation Doomsday!
Repeat, Operation Doomsday!

Over!

What is Operation Doomsday,
you ask?

Find out right here!
Right now!

On Total Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]

♪ Tell mom and dad
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me
what I wanted to be ♪

♪ Now I think the answer
is plain to see... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Oh, pack your bags
coz I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove,
nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ Coz I wanna be famous ♪

♪ Nananana nana nana na... ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

[whistling]

[grunting]

Let Lightning show
you how it's done!

[grunting]

-Think the new guy can do this?
-Who, Jo?

The men of Team Dude
are gonna be unbeatable.

Sha-finally!

Hey, Chris Mc-Lame,
guess what?

You can make me swap teams,
but you'll never break me.

Now I get the girl's side
of the cabin to myself!

And I can finally work out
like the ancient Olympians...

naked.

[grunts] !
[grunts] !

-[grunts] !
-[vomits]

! [grunts]

Hey, Soggy Drawers, looks like
we're on the same team again.

Not quite, you're on MY team now.

And if you don't do as I say,
you'll be the next person to go home.

We'll see about that, Major Drippy.

Three rules, follow
them or you're gone:

One - NEVER leave
a man behind.

Two - what Brick says goes.

And three - no more
nicknames, like Dampypants,

Your Wetness or Sir Leaksalot.

Fine, fine. We'll play it your way,
Captain Whizz.

Sorry, force of habit.

All right, let's get this disgusting
joke we call "breakfast" over with.

We can't. Chef's not here
and neither is breakfast!

Sorry, Lightning needs meat.

M-E... Uh? E...

Come on, we'll make
our own breakfast!

There's no food
in the fridge!

Nothing in the
cupboards either.

We should check
in the walk-in freezer.

Hey, yeah, the freezer.

Sha-Bingo! Meatsicle!

Mmm, meaty!

Hey!

Challenge time, suckers!

This is highly unorthodox!

Where are you taking us?

You'll see. [laughs]

OW!

Good, you're here... finally!

Today's challenge is to
find a golden Chris statue

in your team colour hidden
somewhere in this old abandoned mine.

First team back wins!

Sha-done-and-done!

-Go Team Dude!
-Are you Sha-blind?

I'm not a-- Agh!

Don't worry there are enough
packs for everyone.

What did you put in them, rocks?

Ap-ap-ap... No peeking!

Those pound bags are
purely for your torment,

and my amusement... enjoy!

Chemical badges?

Why do we need to measure
our exposure to toxic waste?

No reason.

Except that I rented the mine
out to store hazardous material.

Whoa, whoa-whoa,
are you demented?!

No, which is why
I'm in a studio right now.

Relax, it's perfectly safe...

for minutes.

When your badge turns orange,
you have minutes left.

Red is your -minute warning.

And if you see
a skull and crossbones,

we'll dedicate
this episode to you.

But no way is it going
to come to that.

I sent Dakota down
there for minutes

and she's going
to be fine-ish.

Aah, where am I?

[screams] NOOO!

Chris is a DEAD MAN!!
[screams]

Now move it, peeps!

Can you at least give us a hint
about where to find the statues?

Funny story, the statues
have gone missing.

Someone or something down
there must have taken them.

-Uh, is it well lit down there?
-It's a mine, bro!

Pitch black all the way.

There are flash lights and fireflies
inside. First come, first served.

Anywho, time's a-wasting,
and so are your healthy blood cells.

So GO!

[panting] Yeah!

Lightning comes in first,
Sha-BAM!

[voice echoes]

Aagh!

Ha, enjoy the
elimination ceremony!

Smooth move, Sha-duh!

We got the flashlights.

[creaking]

Nooo!

[crash]

[moaning]

-[Zoey] Is everyone okay?
-I think so.

-My back!
-[Cameron] The flashlights!

-Look, a tunnel!
-Should we try it?

[screeching]

Looks good to me!

That elevator is
not coming back up.

I can't lose again! I CAN'T!

I know, we'll shimmy down!

Leaders first.

[gulps] C'mon, let's go!

Here, you'll need this.

Hey, thanks! [screams]

[metal squealing]

Phew!

[Jo] Thanks for breaking our fall.

[Lightning] Oh, man!
Nice going, butterfingers!

Quick! We have to
catch our light source!

Wait!

Losers wait! Me 'n' him gotta go.
Try to catch up!

Come back!

I-I am bigger than the dark.

I-I am better than the dark.

I...I am lost and alone
in the dark!

[sobs]

[panting]

Oh, wow! I always
wanted a hat like this.

And I always wanted
to die underground

with a hat-loving loser.
Guess we both win!

-Uuuuh!
-Mike, you okay?

Vito, baby, is that you?!

[Australian accent] G'day, Sheila.
Name's Manitoba Smith.

OW!

Here, leave the torches
to the menfolk, beauty.

They talk like that in Manitoba?

To the right, a tunnel carved
out by giant rodent teeth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Rodent?!

To the left, mining car tracks.
We go left.

I say we take the one on the right,
cos it's the "right" tunnel. Get it?

He's a sandwich short of
a picnic, that one, eh?

Get your shiny hineys
back in this jar!

Lightning, chase the fireflies
to me and I'll catch them.

Got it. All right, fireflies,
Lightning's gonna...

[screams]
They're burning me!!

Gotcha!

Looking good, "Lightsource".
[laughs]

Ah, cooee!
These'll speed things up.

-No way, too dangerous.
-If you're a girl maybe...

What? Excuse me?!

-Anne Maria's badge is orange!
-Oh, my gosh!

I only have like seconds
to live or somethin'!

-It's minutes.
-Oh, well, that ain't so bad.

Yikes!

Shotgun, called it!

I'll keep the ladies
safe in the back.

I don't need you
watchin' over me! Hey!

My first time ridin' the rails!

WHEEE!

I don't like it!

You can do this, Brick.

Uhh, a flashlight.

Come on, work!

[sniffing]

Jo? You came back!
Are you wearing perfume?

It's strong, but it suits you.
Come on, flashlight.

-[squeals]
-[screams]

Good thing firefly bites aren't fatal...
as far as we know.

-I hear you, dude!
-I'm not a dude!

Man, please.
I can SEE you're a dude!

Your badge, it's orange!

You've only got fifteen
minutes to live!

-Well, so do you!
-No, this ain't right!

Man, I've never kissed
a Super Bowl ring.

And I've never kissed a guy.

Uhh... yeah. It's cool, dude.
Lightning don't judge.

Alright, lads and lassies, keep
your eyes open and stick together.

[Scott] Easier said than done.

Crikey! What did I just say?!

[screaming]

The track!
I'm too young to die!

[Anne Maria] And I'm too hot!

[screaming]

[water splash]

Looks like our players are doomed!
Will any of them survive?

I have my doubts. [chuckles]

But find out for sure
when we return with more

Total Drama
Revenge Of The Island!

[coughing]

Where's Anne Maria?

Do I look like a lifeboat?!

I'm sure it was an accident
that Scott landed on you.

Yeah, an accident.

I hope you both realize
who's fault this is.

The mine carts
were Mike's idea.

But he didn't
just try to drown me.

[screams]

Anne Maria!?

Scott, she's gone!!
What do we do?!

Get out of here before
something drags us underwater.

[moaning]

Ow!

Uh! Mike!

Mike! Wake up!

Oh, I've read about
situations like this,

but it's so different
in real life. Think!

What would Jo do?

Move it or lose it,
bubble brain!

-[groans] Cameron?
-You're okay.

C'mon, we got to find the others.
We got separated!

[screams]

[panting]

[squeals]

[sniffing]

[whimpers]

Huh?

What? You don't like my boots?

[laughs]

[laughs] What's the matter,
can't take the smell of w*r?!

[coughs]

Where the heck am I?

Stay back! You touch
my pouf, I'll touch you!

Oh, hi.

Ain't you that creepy stowaway kid
from last season, Zekiel or something?

[sniffs]

Eww!!

Man, what's taking Brick
so long to catch up?

I know your head
is just for show,

but haven't you noticed how large
and in charge Brick's become?

He doesn't need us. And he'll get
rid of you the first chance he gets.

What?

So you wanna make some kinda
guys' pact to vote him off?

Uh... sure.

Let's make a guys' pact.

[squeals]

How do you like it when the
boot's on the other foot, huh?!

Told ya he's too big
for his camo's.

Jo! Lightning! Oh, finally!

Soldier!
Where have you been?

You left your men behind!

I've been engaging the enemy
with my secret w*apon.

-Uuh!
-Victory is ours!

Unless they do that.

[screaming]

Would you stop already?
I don't want any of this junk!

[squealing]

Not that I don't
appreciate it though.

[gasps] Is that the prize
money from last season?

Wow, thanks...

First signs of chemical exposure
are fever and nausea...

-[belches]
-I hope Zoey's okay.

Thanks so much for
coming back for me, buddy.

Buddy? Really?!

Cool! Oh, no!

My first buddy and we've only
got five minutes to live!

Mike!

Thank goodness you're okay,
but we lost Anne Maria.

We have to find her!

We should dump these packs first,
they're just slowing us down.

[Chris over PA] Those packs of
pain stay on until I tell you otherwise.

Or your whole team
is disqualified.

DISQUALIFIED!

I knew Chris was watching over us.
He won't let us die down here.

[Chris over PA]
Uhh... don't count on it.

I'm more of a watcher
than a saver.

-[Anne Maria] Woo-hoo!
-That's Anne Maria!

C'mon, this way!

Woo! Yeah, baby!

Now that's more like it!

Bada-bling!

Congratulations, helmet-head,
now get your freaky boyfriend

to let us go!

Oh, well, we'll never
get those statues now.

Keep it down.
Those mutant gophers look blind,

but they can probably
still smell us.

[squealing]

Oh, great!
Here comes the competition.

Good, we can use
the distraction.

Fire in the hole!

[squealing, sniffing]

Ugh!

Way to help the enemy.

Looks like it's up
to me to get us down.

[squealing]

Lightning! The statue!

I'm on it.

Sha-BAM!

-Huh!
-Yes!

Rats, head for the mine carts!
What goes in, must come out.

Aaah!

[Chris over PA] If you can hear this,
congrats, you're not dead yet.

Wherever you are,
immediately discard your bombs -

I mean, backpacks - and RUN!

Bombs?!

Too far, McLean! Too far!

Got it!

Mike?

We're not feeling so great.

-[squeals]
-Zoey!

Here.

Hang on! I'm coming!

Whoops! Butterfingers!

C'mon, sweetheart,
mamma's gonna take you home.

Mission accomplished!
Move out!

[squeals]

-[grunts]
-[squeals]

Brick! Brick! Forget
those rejects, we have to go!

-I can't hold on!
-Mike!

There's something
I need to tell you, Zoey!

I have--

Brick?

Never leave a man behind.

[screaming]

-They're really cuttin' it close.
-Uh-huh.

[screaming]

And the Maggots win!

AGAIN!

[cheering]

Great.

All clear?

Executing Operation Doomsday.

[expl*si*n]

This wasn't about the statues.

Sure it was, and as an added bonus,
you just helped me seal off

the toxic waste forever
and get the Feds off my back.

It's win-win... for me.

That's low, McLean, even for you.

Yeah. I just keep getting better.

Rats, hope you're hungry
for marshmallows!

But first, before there's
permanent genetic damage...

[all yelling]

Mike?

Do you have multiple
personality disorder?

What? Who told you that?!

Sixteen years in a bubble
makes a guy pretty observant.

I don't get why
you're keeping it secret,

but I think I can
help you control it.

-For real?!
-Sure.

But you have to help me with Scott.
I don't trust that guy.

Oh, dude, this is HUGE!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Happy to help.

The votes are in.

Who will receive the
marshmallow of loserdom

and leave the game forever?

The following players are safe.

Jo.

Yes!

And... Lightning.

Yes! Sha... Aah!!

Brick, it looks like your
tour of duty has come to an end.

Dismissed!

-But I was large and in charge!
-Ya, saving the enemy.

-Sha-traitor!
-So long, Soggy McGee!

[chuckles] Any last words, cadet?

[Zoey] Brick! Wait!

[bugle plays]

One side!

I got a jeweller to see
and a bank account to open!

Uhh, the catapault
is for exits only.

Good. I quit! I don't need
this two-bit show any more.

Look at this thing, I'm rich.

Not unless cubic zirconia
has suddenly become priceless.

-What? It's not a real diamond?
-Nope.

Practically worthless.
Lamest mine ever!

Why do you think I dumped
all that waste in there?

Wait! I changed my... Ahhhhhhhh!

Maggots, you're down a player.

And one of my interns
just isn't working out.

But I can't fire her or Daddy
will want all his money back,

so... say hello to
your new team mate...

Dakota!

-You can't do this to me, McLean!
-Oh, yes, I can.

-Contract... Iron-clad!
-Uuuh!

Join us next time
for more danger, treachery

and radical hair removal methods
on Total Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]