02x03 - Papa's Got a Brand New Boil

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Yeah.
That's right.

♪ ♪

♪ I'm anti‐imperial ♪

Move, m*therf*ckers.

♪ Anti‐snortin'
them anti‐depressants ♪

♪ But I'm not pro‐poppin',
I'm provocative ♪

♪ And pro‐stoppin'
them FBI operatives ♪

♪ Who professional
at Black Man Pounce ♪

♪ And hand you a sentence
that you can't pronounce ♪

‐ Hey, young brutha.
Lemme use your phone.

‐ Clovis, it's your dad.
Meet me for lunch.

Oh, you ain't doin' sh*t.
Get down here.

♪ ♪

First, let me just say
I'm so excited

for this opportunity.
Um, thank you.

Okay, so I've been giving this
a lot of thought,

and here's the issue.

I‐I‐I realize that there's not
one thing I could spend

your money on that's gonna
end systemic oppression‐‐

‐ Oh, so you're returning
the money.

Do‐‐do you have the check
with you?

‐ Oh, goodness, no.

No, I'm gonna keep that.

But while the rest of the world
is working on solving that,

I thought that
it'd be a great idea

to have the Keef Knight Project
do something

that makes more
of an immediate impact.

I‐I‐I see a person,
I help that person right there.

‐ I love it.
Okay, so‐‐so what is it?

‐ Ah, yeah, I don't know yet.

That's‐‐I'm still, you know‐‐
that's still‐‐

‐ Well, you know what?
That's okay.

I like how you're thinking.
I like where your head's at.

It's the same way that I decide
which businesses

I wanna invest in.

So let's just kind of
dig a little further.

‐ No. No.
‐ So I think if you just‐‐

‐ Damn it.
Something just came up.

I r‐‐I really do have to go.

‐ But we're literally
just getting started.

‐ I know, but, uh,
my friend's dad is in town.

He lives in a van.
Uh, the dad, not my friend.

And the last time he was here,
they almost k*lled each other.

‐ Say no more.
I understand tough parents.

Go help your friend.
‐ Okay. All right.

♪ ♪

‐ No phones.
No logos. No swine.

‐ Oh, hate to break it to you,
buddy, but I got nothing

but ham sandwiches
and baby back ribs in this bag.

‐ Hey, stop f*cking around,
bro.

Oh, and do not mention Hype,
man.

He don't need to know sh*t
about my love life.

‐ Okay.

Oh, and do not tell him
I eat p*ssy.

‐ Oh, no.
I was gonna lead with that.

What do I talk about now?

Luckily, I brought some
of my comics with me.

You know he loves my stuff.

‐ That's right. Right,
right, right, right, right.

But none of that activist sh*t
you've been drawing,

though, man. None of that.

‐ No, I'm gonna tell him about
the Keef Knight Project.

‐ That is a terrible idea.

‐ Wait,
let me get this straight.

The man grew up around
the Black Panthers.

He was a S1W,

and he toured the world
with Public Enemy,

and you think
this is a terrible idea?

‐ Yes. Just because he got
a free breakfast

and had a decent two‐step,

that sh*t don't make him
Fred Hampton.

Damn, man.

‐ You know, I left a very
important meeting to be here.

‐ So this is his van?

‐ Ey, yo, Pop.
What's up, man?

‐ Took you long enough.
Hold on.

Bootin' up my van
so they don't tow me.

Always playing 5‐D chess
on they ass.

‐ And where yo ass gon' live
when this van break down?

'Cause, sh*t, I know it ain't
gonna be with me.

‐ Son, this is not a van.
This is freedom on wheels.

The Overground Railroad.

‐ sh*t. More like
the Tragic School Bus.

Look at this raggedy sh*t.

‐ Oh, shut up,
you sawed‐off bitch.

‐ What's up? What's up, man?

Good to see you.
‐ Yeah, you too.

‐ Hug it out.
Or...whatever this is.

‐ It's been a little minute.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Been a minute.

Uh‐huh.

Mmm.

What is that?
That's notes of...

Mmm, lemonade.
Oh, that's yummy.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

E‐420.
What?

E‐40 has his own brand of weed?

Yup, target demo right here.
I'm smoking that for sure.

‐ Where do you get
all this cool stuff?

‐ Advertisers send samples.

And right now,
weed ads are the only thing

keeping this place going.

Mm, yeah.

And is it, uh,
you know, going?

‐ Yes. I mean, I had to
give myself a few pay cuts,

and I have been selling
some of the samples

to supplement my income.

‐ Really? Well, I mean,
you know what that makes you?

‐ Resourceful?
‐ A drug dealer.

‐ No. Uh, okay, yeah.
Technically. Sure.

But if Melissa Etheridge
can sell weed, so can I.

‐ Yeah. Yeah, sure.
That‐‐that checks out.

But you know, if you are
selling this marijuana,

technically,
if we were to sample this,

we'd kind of be, like,
working, right?

‐ I can't.

I have too much actual work
to be doing.

And you're not supposed
to get high on your own supply.

‐ Oh, come on. That's, like,
a nursery rhyme or something.

That's not true.

It would be, like, basic, uh,
quality control, you know?

You would be doing your
customers a disservice

if you didn't know
your product.

‐ Okay, one joint.

‐
Yes.

‐ For quality control.
‐ See, that's a boss move.

‐ Yeah. Okay. I'm a boss.

‐ Urban guerilla farming.

The real freedom
is liberating our diets

from government oversight.
‐ Ugh.

‐ Been working with some people

to teach young brothers and
sisters in our neighborhoods

how to grow food.

Now, I grew this beauty
on a patch of grass

near a dumpster in Modesto.

‐ Oh.

‐ I'm not eating your
garbage‐ass peach.

sh*t smell like onions and ass,
man.

‐ Well, Keef'll eat my peach.
Won't you, Keef?

‐ You know, actually,
Clovis is the one

who likes to get his face
sticky with, um...

I'll try the peach.

Jesus.
‐ Eat the peach, Keef.

‐ I'm gonna‐‐
I'm gonna eat the peach.

I'm gonna eat it right now.

‐ Eat the man's peach, Keef.

Yuck.

‐ See? That's the taste
of freedom there.

‐ It's actually‐‐
it's actually not bad.

Yeah.
‐ Yeah.

You know, uh,
speaking of freedom,

uh, I've been wanting to
tell you I've been, you know,

switching up my focus
a little bit with my work.

‐ To what?

‐ I've been doing
some activist work.

‐ But not in your comix,
though.

‐ Yeah. I‐in‐‐in my comix.
But also in my life.

‐ Oh, no.
Keef, why?

Man, I read your comix
to laugh,

to get away from the struggle.

Even if it's just for a second.
‐ Yeah, but, I've been wanting

to, you know,
say something with my work.

Make change with my work,
like you did.

‐ Yeah, but you can't
do what I did.

Y'all be signing
petitions online

and posting things
on your phone.

Man, we had g*ns.

We were talkin' about
Black Power.

Now all y'all wanna do
is matter.

"Oh, please, Mr. White Man.
Let us matter."

‐ I‐I hear what you're saying.

But I have secured funding.

‐ Oh.

Wow, this is a lot of money.

Mm‐hmm.

‐ What are you do‐‐why‐‐
no, wait, wait!

Why would you‐‐
why would you do that?

‐ Money corrupts.

They used to k*ll us.
Now they just buy us off.

No, no.
But this is different.

This is a real investment.

‐ You wanna do
some real activism?

You come ride with me.

I'll show you how to plant
tomatillos in eggshells

and dog dookie‐‐oh!

‐ What the f*ck is wrong
with your foot, man?

‐ Well, I think
it's these shoes I got on.

They tight.
They been pinching me.

Ahh.

Oh.

‐ God damn!

‐ Oh. Oh!

That sh*t is nasty, man.

‐ Now, how the hell
did that get there?

‐ So, like, I've been trying
to find my thing.

And then I, like, realized
that maybe I should make

trying to find my thing
my thing, you know?

‐ This is when I'm reminded
that you are very white.

‐ Mm.

Sup?

♪ ♪

‐ Oh, sh*t. I'm supposed
to see an apartment today.

‐ Mm. I knew it.

‐ You knew what?

‐ You are sleeping
at the office.

‐ Oh, yeah.
Unlike other people,

when I smoke weed,
I get, like, way smarterer.

And, like, I just, like,
notice things.

Like, uh, the two types
of mustard in the garbage can.

Like the faint smell
of toothpaste in the bathroom.

‐ Air mattress and all my stuff
in the corner?

‐ Oh, sh*t.
Yeah, no.

I guess I thought
you were, like,

indoor camping or something.
‐ It's temporary.

‐ Do you know how hard it is
for a Black woman

in San Francisco
to find a roommate?

‐ I do not.

‐ All these
well‐meaning liberals‐‐

once they find out
who I am and what I do,

they're all like, "Oh, I don't
wanna have to think about

what I say when I'm at home."

Or, "Do newspapers
even make money?"

Which, like, no, they don't.
For sure.

Yeah, like, honestly,

you should probably just
tell them you're a drug dealer.

‐ I'm too high
to go see an apartment.

I'm liable to say something
crazy if some Karen

gives me
a lame‐ass excuse again.

‐ No, you have to go.
You gotta check it out,

or else that room
is gonna get swooped.

Look, I'll come with you.
All right?

Because, yes, one person high
is a problem.

But two people high...

Is a party.

‐ All right, fine.

‐ Aw, man, you need to take
your ass to a doctor.

Look at that sh*t.
‐ I'm not gonna subject myself

to colonized Western medicine.

‐ Hey, nah, f*ck that, man.

My dad ain't goin' out
like Bob Marley, bro.

You know what?
Gimme the hoop, man.

Gimme the hoop.
What‐‐what‐‐what's‐‐

What hoop? Why am I‐‐
why am I holding the hoop?

‐ Because, man,
when I was a kid,

whenever I wanted something,

my dad would make me
sh**t for it.

‐ And I used to block your ass.

Well, I'll tell you what.
You make it, we stay.

But your ass miss,
you goin' to the doctor.

‐ Oh, you think
you the man now, huh?

Gimme that damn ball,
Muggsy Bogues.

‐ Here you go. Put it away.
‐ This‐‐this is a bad idea.

‐ Oh, you got a open lane.
‐ Ooh, ah!

‐ Oh, oh! Oh, he's down!

‐ Oh, sh*t.
‐ Oh. Oh, that's‐‐

‐ Damn!
You good, Pops?

You know who can't
get up no more? You.

But me?

Ha! Get yo ass up.

‐ Okay, but we goin'
to see my guy.

‐ Whatever.
Come on, get your ass up.

‐ Get my chairs and sh*t.
Get 'em in the van.

"Thank you for letting us
serve you.

"After 25 years,
we have sadly been priced out

"of the neighborhood.

Curses to the white man."

Okay, maybe I should end
my emails that way.

Sons of b*tches.

Can't have a Black‐owned
business in San Francisco

that helps other Black people.

I guess white folks just need
a new Panera Bread.

‐ sh*t, a bread ball'd do more
for you than Dr. Kananga would.

‐ Son, our ancestors have been
using herbal medicine

since before we were enslaved.
‐ And now they all dead.

You and these fake‐ass
doctors the reason I had lice

for a full year
in middle school.

‐ That's gross.

‐ I swear,
if it weren't for Mom,

I'd have d*ed of polio
or some sh*t.

‐ I will never forgive
your mother

for vaccinating you
behind my back.

‐ Okay, well, I gotta agree
with Clovis on this one.

Um, I don't know,
maybe we should drive you

to a real hospital.
‐ Hell, no.

My homie Frank went in
with a sore throat.

They told him,
"Well, you got lung cancer."

‐ He did have lung cancer!
What are you‐‐

I'll be all right.

Just let me soak it in a tub
for about an hour.

I'll be right as rain.
‐ So you want to use my tub?

‐ I would use my own, but, oh,
I live in a m*therf*cking van.

♪ ♪

‐ Okay, I texted her to
let her know that we're here.

‐ All right, well,
maybe she's cool.

What's her name?
‐ Libby.

‐ Oh, boy. Okay.

Uh, so your eyes are red

because you have
seasonal allergies.

And, uh, if you run out
of things to say,

talk about, I don't know,
avocado toast or‐‐

no, Timothée Chalamet.

‐ I'm not gonna tell her
I like Timothée Chalamet.

He's the poor man's
Orlando Bloom.

‐ Hey. You must be Ayana.

♪ ♪

‐ This is so nice.

‐
Oh, thank you.

‐ You're welcome.

‐ I gotta say,
you don't seem like a Libby.

‐ Oh, it's actually Ipalibo.

I use Libby mostly because‐‐
you know how people can be.

‐ Yes, I do understand.
I go by Jennifer at Starbucks.

‐ Mm.
So tell me more about yourself.

Who is Ayana?

‐ Well, I run the "Bay Arean."
It's an activist newspaper.

‐ Okay, boss.
I own my own hair salon.

‐ You do hair?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Is there a roommate discount?

‐

‐ Oh‐ho, Nina Simone.
All right, nice.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna be
hanging out here quite a bit.

‐ He will never be
hanging out here.

‐ Look, if you think
that two boss b*tches

can stay in the same apartment
together,

I would love to have you.
‐ Seriously?

‐ Yes. You seem really dope.

Plus, it is very hard to find
someone to live with in SF.

‐ Oh, you do not have
to tell me.

It is so hard for us
Black women out here.

‐ Oh, I'm not Black.

‐ Excuse me?

‐ I might be higher
than I thought.

‐ Hey, tell me something, man.

You still got that white dude
living up in here?

‐ You worrying about
the wrong sh*t.

Can you put your foot up?
‐ Yeah.

Hey, no, no.
Get that big pillow.

Not that little‐ass pillow.
The big one.

‐ For a m*therf*cker
without a bed,

you sure are choosey
about pillows.

Why you make everything
so damn difficult, man?

See, this is why Mom
left your ass.

‐ Your mom left because
I cheated on her.

A lot.
‐ Wow.

‐ I cannot resist the siren
song of uncharted booty.

Mm‐hmm!

Now go get me some turmeric.

And while you're in there,
see if they got a pop.

Like, a‐‐a Nehi Grape
or Orange or something.

I can just come
pick it up. Thank you.

That's‐‐that's great, Laura.
Sorry.

A‐all right, bye.

You know what?

I'ma knock him the f*ck out.

I'ma knock him the f*ck out,

and I'ma drag his ass
to the emergency room.

Good news.
So it turns out,

Laura can just cut me
an entirely new check.

‐ What? n*gga, chill with all
the activist sh*t.

I need you right now.
‐ Right, my bad.

I got you. I got you.
‐ Man, you know what's crazy?

I ain't never seen him
this bad, man.

I don't know what to do.

‐ Well, that foot
didn't happen today.

Clovis!
I hope you're in there so long

because you're making me
some soup.

‐ I'ma s*ab this bitch.

‐ That's not soup.
Hey, hey, Clovis.

Ah‐ah‐ah.
Can I see this for a second?

Let it‐‐let it go.
Let it go. Okay.

‐ I'm sorry, can you walk me
through how you're not Black?

‐ My parents are from
the Igbo tribe in Nigeria,

so I consider myself
a proud African.

‐ And I respect that.

But if you have Black skin

and you live in America,
you're Black.

The cops aren't gonna ask you
what tribe you're from.

‐ I'm not trying
to define myself

by what a cop thinks of me.

Plus, I don't break the law.

‐ Uh, you know,
you two gals are gonna just

have so much to chit‐chat about
when you're living together.

Um, do you like
Timothée Chalamet?

‐ Oh, my gosh. Love him.
‐ I just don't understand

how you can opt out
of the struggle.

‐ Oh, because it is not
my struggle.

‐ I come from kings and queens,
not slaves.

I don't share America's
obsession with oppression.

‐ Uh, you know, uh,
roommates don't always

have to agree on everything,
you know?

Um, right?
‐ Right.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Nina Simone, though.

We all like her. Huge fans.
It's like a fan club.

‐ Oh, my gosh.
I just got into her.

I only discovered her
after watching

this amazing Zoe Saldana movie.

It is so good.

‐ I hate you.

‐ I gotta warn you, Dr. Cho,
he's sort of, um,

afraid of doctors.

‐ Yeah, and he actin' like
a big baby right now too.

So‐‐
Don't worry.

I have a lot of experience
with tough customers.

Hi, there. I'm Dr. Socks!

‐ Get that nasty sock
out of my face.

‐ Hey, man.
That sh*t costs money.

‐ I ain't gonna be treated
like no damn child!

‐ What you know about
how to take care of a child?

You were too busy
being a ashy bitch

up and down the coast.

‐ Who you calling
a ashy bitch?

I'm calling you a...
I am so sorry.

I thought you were describing
an actual kid.

‐ I'm gonna try to get
a picture of the foot.

Gimme a second.
You know what?

You talk a big game,

but you and me both know
why you moved in that van

and declared yourself
a sovereign citizen‐‐

so you wouldn't have to pay
child support.

That ain't being
no f*cking revolutionary.

That's being
a deadbeat‐ass dad.

‐ Oh, here we go. Here we go.
‐ Yeah, here we go.

‐ Yeah,
"Daddy wasn't there for me."

Ask Martin Luther King's kids

how much quality time
they spent with Dad.

‐ Did you really just compare
yourself to Martin Luther King?

Well, where's your Nobel
Peace Prize at, then, n*gga?

Huh?
‐ Everybody got a‐‐

‐ You know what?
f*ck this and f*ck your boil.

‐ No, no, no.
Come on back. No.

You got so much to say.

Come on. Come on.
Let me have it.

Let me have it.

‐ You know how f*cked up it is
to take care of somebody

that never took care of you?

You know what, man?
I'm done, man.

♪ ♪

‐ What?

♪ ♪

What you doin'?

‐ Hey, doctor says we can
take care of this ourselves.

♪ ♪

Give him these and
tell him to get the f*ck out.

♪ ♪

‐ Look, I know you wanna
help people,

but this ain't it, Keef.

This father‐son sh*t
is more complicated

than the plot to "Inception."

Oh, sh*t!

Is Keef Knight
gonna shank a bitch?

You should have led with that.

Please, God, tell me you're
about to shank that fool,

because if you are, I'm in!

I wanna watch!
‐ Shut up.

Mr. Jackson.
Um, got shoes for you.

Courtesy of Mr. Clovis.

‐ I don't want no handouts
from my son.

‐ Uh, it's not a handout.
It's more like a foot‐in.

As in, put your foot
in these shoes.

Because you need them.

That's‐‐
that's really disgusting.

And besides, Clovis says
good shoes gives a man dignity.

‐ You tryna be an activist now,
right?

‐ Yes.

‐ Let me give you some advice.

Don't get so caught up
in the cause that you forget

what is going on
right in front of you.

‐ Man, didn't I tell you to
tell him to get the f*ck out?

‐ And I told him to tell you
I don't want your damn shoes.

‐ I've had my shoes
for ten years.

I'll have them for ten more.

‐ Man, shoes are not supposed
to last ten years.

This is exactly why I say sh*t
like, "woke equals broke."

‐ I'm not exactly saying
she was insane,

and maybe this isn't my place
to say this,

but that girl was lying
to herself.

‐ I mean, to be honest,
I was too.

I couldn't afford
to live there.

‐ But you can afford
to live here.

I mean, most nights,
I sleepwalk out of my room

and sleep on the couch anyways.

It's perfect.

‐ No, don't you call me woke.

I'm not woke.
I'm on fire.

Y'all just opened your eyes,

and now you think
you invented sight.

‐ Uh...

‐ Hey, if it's not
the white devil himself.

‐ Mr. Jackson. Hey.

I didn't know you were in town.
What a pleasant surprise.

‐ Ooh.

And who is this African queen?

‐ I'm Ayana,
and it's Black queen.

Who is this?
‐ That's my broke‐ass dad.

‐ Oh, it's starting
to make sense now.

‐ Yeah, and he won't take
his ass to the hospital,

so I'm kicking
his whole ass out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, no.

Nobody's kicking anybody out
anywhere, okay?

Dr. Sock Puppet said
I have to, uh...

Lance the boil.

So that's what I'm gonna do.
‐ Dr. Sock Puppet?

Oh, you've been smoking on that
Melissa Etheridge pack, huh?

‐ I'm not taking any advice
from some sl*ve

to the US Department
of Health and Human Services.

They the same damn doctors who
did the Tuskegee Experiment.

‐ Right?
Doctors have a long history

of mistreating Black people
in this country.

And don't even get me started
on the mortality rate

of our sisters in childbirth.

‐ Trust me, Ayana,
this is not the time.

‐ She's right.
We need our beautiful queens

to stay alive
so they can stay home

and raise our babies
to be big and strong.

A‐and make sammiches and stuff.

‐ The f*ck you just say?
‐ All hail to the sacred womb.

‐ Ooh, you're one of those
Hotep m*therf*ckers.

‐ If you saying
I'm independent

and I think 5G is poison,
I'm guilty as charged.

‐ Why am I meeting so many
messed up Black people today?

‐ Messed up? Gunther,
you better get your girl.

‐ Oh, she's not‐‐

‐ Man, Ayana ain't nobody girl,
bruh.

Man, that's my best friend.

‐ Best friend?

‐ I mean, me and you‐‐

‐ No, actually, I'm super happy
to hear you say that,

because, uh,
if it's cool with you guys,

uh, Ayana's gonna live with us
for a little while.

‐ What? That's great, bruh.
‐ Oh, yeah.

Since we're all best friends.
‐ All right.

‐ Well, ain't we
the f*ckin' Wayne Brady Bunch?

‐ Yeah, Dad, we are.

This is my real family.

‐ Well, why am I calling you

every time I come through town,
huh?

See, that's the problem
with men today.

They can't stand
on they own two feet.

They too busy changing pronouns
and eatin' p*ssy.

What?

‐ I eat p*ssy now, Dad.

Proud of you.

‐ That's a weird way to say it.

‐ Are you trying to k*ll me?

Because if you are, just do it.

♪ ♪

‐ Oh!
‐ Whoa, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
‐ Hey, I'm chillin', come on.

‐ m*therf*cker,
I've been stabbed before.

‐ I wouldn't s*ab you, Dad.
Y'all, come on.

‐ Whoa!

‐
Get him up!

I'll put a English knot
on his head!

Oh, oh, my God.

‐ Oh, what the f*ck! Yo!
Ow!

Oh.
Oh, sh*t.

‐ Oh, this n*gga
foot‐nutted on me!

What the f*ck is this?

‐ See? I healed myself.

♪ ♪

So her name is Hype?

What the hell kinda name
is that?

‐ What? Man, your name is
Clovatious Dee‐lucious Jackson.

Come on, man.

‐ I don't know why
you laughin', Keef.

Sound like your mama
had a speech impediment.

‐ Eh, she did.
We teased her a lot about it.

‐ So we cool?

‐ Yeah, we cool.

‐ I should be back up here
in a couple of months.

I got a garden
in a highway median

down near San Bernadino.

City keeps tearing it up.

Hold on.

‐ Where the hell he goin'?

‐ No idea.

‐ Hey, yo. My man.

You.

‐ Why he talking to the dude
from Game of Thrones?

‐ These are for you.

‐ Hey, man, what the f*ck?
‐ Oh, boy.

‐ What's up, man?
They're my good Jordans.

‐ He needs them more than me.

And besides,
an activist told me once,

shoes give a man dignity.

‐ I say that.

Why the f*ck
you lookin' at him?

‐ 'Cause he the one
who said it to me.

‐ Okay.

What your barefoot ass
gonna wear now?

‐ Shoes are something
I can solve.

But you ain't ever
gonna get taller,

you sawed‐off bitch.

‐ Whatever.
I hope you got a lotion bath

in the back of that van.

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, you gotta step on in ♪

♪ You gotta step on in ♪

♪ Baby, you gotta step on in ♪

♪ You gotta step on in ♪

♪ You gotta step on, you ♪

♪ Oh ♪

‐ ♪ Just step on in ♪

♪ Just step on in ♪

♪ Oh, don'cha ♪

♪ Just step on in ♪

♪ Gotta step on in ♪

♪ Just step on through ♪

♪ Heart is b*ating
in my chest ♪

♪ Looking right
and looking left ♪

♪ Hit 'em till
there's nothing left ♪

♪ Shook it like
a b*ating drum ♪

♪ Hungry like
the morning sun ♪

♪ Thinkin' I can get me some ♪

♪ Oh, you the only one ♪

♪ Working on my spirit, lord ♪

♪ I've been counting
every guard ♪

♪ Up and down the promenade ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Thinkin' I'm a world away ♪

♪ Hope to see another... ♪