07x03 - Ants in Arthur's Pants/Don't Ask Muffy

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪

( laughs )

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.

Hey!

Whoa!

( crash )

Hey, is it getting hot
all of a sudden?

Hmm, now that
you mention it,

I am feeling
a little toasty.

BUSTER:
You know, close up,

these ants seem
a lot like people.

It really looks
like a city down there.

Hey, do you ever
get the feeling

that we're being watched?

Oh, Buster, you're
just being paranoid.

Cool!

Everyone
looks like ants!

Let me see,
let me see!

( machine clicks off )

Sorry,
my quarter ran out.

I didn't get to see
the ant-people!

There's no such thing
as ant-people, D.W.

They seem like ants
because we're so high.

There are so ant-people.

There's our Aunt Bonnie,
Aunt Ruthie,

Aunt Hilary,
Aunt Claudia...

Are those Zantopods down there?

They look
like Zantopods
from up here,

but they're just Earthlings.

Uh, want to see my collection?

Arthur?!

Shh...

( film projector whirring )

NARRATOR:
"The Virtues of Science!"

All great scientists have
five characteristics in common:

They are patient, attentive,

nosy, thoughtful,
and systematic.

Notice the first letter
of each of these words.

What does it spell?

ALL ( in bored voices ):
"PANTS."

NARRATOR:
That's right.

"PANTS," a helpful way
to remember

what all
great scientists possess.

From the top
of the Leaning Tower of Pisa,

Galileo dropped hundreds
of lead balls.

( in Italian accent ):
Hmm, different sizes, but
they land at the same time.

Could it be true
for all lead balls?

Bring up more!

Si, signore, as you wish!

( grunting )

NARRATOR:
Or take scientist Gregor Mendel,
father of modern genetics,

who studied thousands
of pea plants

to learn how traits
are passed down.

( in German accent ):
So, after years

and , pea plants,

it all comes down to this:

Does plant number , have
smooth or shriveled peas?

Uh...

they were smooth...

I mean, shriveled...

No, I mean...

Mmm, peas...

That film
is over years old,

but it's as inspiring
as when I first saw it.

I'll give extra credit
in four weeks

to anyone
who can design a project

using the five virtues
of science.

FRANCINE:
I'm going to make rock candy,

and I need
some string and a jar.

Why are you going
to make rock candy?

It'll take forever;
just buy some.

I want to observe
the crystals forming.

It's an
extra-credit project.

I'm watching pond scum.

It's full of paramecium

and other life forms.

Watching pond scum?

That would put me
to sleep.

Me, too.

( yawns )

I'm getting tired
just thinking about it.

You know what, Brain?

I think these two
don't have any PANTS.

Hey, we have
plenty of PANTS!

Yeah, we're patient,
attentive, and...

Oh, look
at the monkey!

Buster, check it out--
an ant farm!

"In no time at all,

"ants will build
an exciting metropolis.

Makes science fun."

With that,
we'd show them
who has PANTS.

Yeah, and we wouldn't even
have to do a lot of work.

The ants would do it all...

( "Oklahoma"-like music
begins playing )

ANTS:
♪ You must confess... ♪

♪ Ants! ♪
♪ Make P-A-N-T-S... ♪

♪ PANTS! ♪
♪ The easiest assignment
to get extra credit ♪

♪ Yes, you said it ♪

♪ An A-N-T F-A-R-M,
an ant farm! ♪

♪ Yahoo! ♪

ARTHUR:
Where are the ants?

Maybe they're
in there already.

Hello, ants!

Anyone in there?

"Ants must be
ordered separately.

Allow one week for delivery."

That only gives us

three weeks
for our project!

Ahh, relax, ants can lift
ten times their weight.

They'll build
that farm in no time.

( chirping )

ARTHUR:
It's been two weeks

and the ants
still haven't arrived.

Spring is here already.

Hey, look what I found

in the pocket of
my windbreaker
this morning.

What is it?!

Half a ham sandwich;
it was my lunch

when we won that bowling
tournament in September.

It's good luck!

Coupons, bills,
sweepstakes...

ants!

( simple tune plays on TV )

Oh, no you don't;

It's still my TV time.

Relax, D.W., we just
want to put our ants
in the farm.

There are ants in that envelope?

How do they breathe?

I don't know,
they just do.

D.W.:
Are all
the ants related?

How do you get
the ants in there?

You should get Mom.

D.W., would you quit
pestering us?

Look, you just pour them in.

Oop...

"Have adult construct
funnel out of paper

and pour ants
through opening very slowly."

You are in so much trouble!

I got to go practice
my asthma-- I mean tuba.

Mo...
Please, D.W.!

Please don't tell Mom--
I'll do anything!

Anything?

ARTHUR:
You're the only one
that made it into the farm

so you have to do something.

Make a tunnel, anything!

D.W.:
Here, Arthur.

Wuffles the Rabbit,
books one through .

You'd better start
reading to me now.

I want to finish
by Sunday.

She's cute.

What's her name?

It doesn't have a name.

She looks like
a Penelope.

An ant looks like
every other ant.

No, she doesn't,
she's special!

Do you wike Wuffles the Wabbit?

Let's find out.

Ahem, we're waiting!

FRANCINE:
Not one stupid crystal!

I've checked this jar
every hour for over two weeks.

Maybe you just
don't have PANTS.

At least I'm doing
an extra-credit project.

We'll see who laughs
when we get our
report cards.

Buster and I
are doing a project.

that's a lot
more exciting than that jar.

Um, actually, Arthur,

I've decided to team up
with someone else.

( groans )

What?! Why?!

Because I really need
the extra credit

and the ant farm
doesn't look good.

Well, that's where you're wrong.

All the ants
are in one place now

and they've been doing
all sorts of interesting things.

Huh?

( squeaks )

( gasps )

DAD:
You should have
told us, Arthur.

We have to call
an exterminator.

What's that?

Someone who gets rid of bugs.

You're going to call someone
to k*ll the ants?!

But they're
Penelope's friends and family!

Arthur, tell them
you'll get them all back!

How can I do that?

You'll think
of something!

If you do, you
don't have to read
anymore Wuffles.

Let me try, Dad, please?

You have till
the end of the week, that's it.

D.W.:
Oh, what a lovely day
for a picnic!

ARTHUR:
I'll say; but
I hope we don't have

any ants come along
to spoil it!

( whispers ):
See any of them?

( whispers ):
No, maybe we just have
to give it some time.

Ugh, I'm stuffed.

Where are they?

I thought ants
loved picnic food.

Me, too.

This is going to be

trickier than I thought.

We have to find out
what their favorite food is.

D.W.:
No ants in the soup.

Nothing on the waffles.

The pickles are clean.

And the chili... hey!

Note to self:

Keep Pal outside
during experiments.

( barks )

D.W.:
A clay ant, big deal.

How's that
going to help us?

It's not just
a clay ant,

it's a clay queen ant.

All the worker ants
bring back

food and stuff
to the queen.

If she's a queen,

you forgot the most
important part.

There!

ARTHUR:
I'm sorry, Penelope.

I've tried everything,
but it's just no use.

I guess it's time to let you go.

Maybe you'll be adopted
by some other ant colony.

FRANCINE:
So, you don't think
I have any PANTS?

Well, feast your eyes
on this!

I've already seen
your jar, Francine.

No, look,
it's a crystal!

I'm positive
this time!

I upped the
amount of sugar

in the water,
and it worked!

Wow, is all this stuff
for your ant farm?

No, it's just
some stupid idea,

but it was
a complete failure.

( yelling ):
No!

ARTHUR:
I-I'm so sorry!

I'll get some glue!

Maybe we can fix it!

You better get
some bug spray, too.

This puddle is
crawling with ants!

That's it! Sugar water!

That's what
they like to eat!

Thank you,
Francine, thank you!

I'm glad
we saved the ants--

even though I won't get
the extra credit.

Are you kidding?

You have plenty
of stuff for a report.

You're right; I've been
pretty patient and attentive

and nosy, thoughtful
and systematic, too!

Hey, I've got PANTS!

I wish I could prove
I have PANTS.

ARTHUR:
You can, your PANTS
helped me get my PANTS!

What's the big deal?

Everyone wears pants!

Eight-year-olds care
about the weirdest things!

BRAIN:
Since the pond scum
was taking

so long to cultivate,

we decided
to include some molds

from Buster's collection
of old foods.

I believe this
is myxomycetes,

or a slime mold.

It used to be ham.

Um, very good.

Both of you get extra credit.

All right!

See, I told you
it was good luck!

KIDS:
And now...

BOY:
Today we went outside

to make science observations.

GIRL:
We went outside
and did observations

all around our school.

BOY:
Some kids found insects.

Some kids observed plants.

And we looked at everything
we could see, closely.

GIRL:
"Observation" means
when you look really close.

BOY:
You draw it and you say
what you noticed about it,

like a scientist.

, , , ...

BOY:
A scientist is a person

that observes lots of stuff
and wants to know about it.

, , , .

GIRL:
After
our scientific observations,

we had a scientific meeting.

I chose to draw a dandelion.

WOMAN:
Could you use
a couple words, David,

to describe how the top
of your dandelion looked?

DAVID:
They kind of looked

like a stuffed pillow.

Like a stuffed pillow.

GIRL:
David and Zack

were sharing about dandelions.

Zack observed a dandelion,
but that looked
very different.

It had petals on the tips.

One was yellow
and one was kind of fuzzy.

Which comes first?

Um, I think
the yellow comes first

because when it's white
it has seeds.

GIRL:
We do this so we can learn

about what we observe.

And you kind of discover,
like a detective.

We got a ladybug.

KIDS:
And now...

( cracking )

"Accept gifts from
an unlikely source."

How come I never get
a real fortune,

like, "You will get an A
on Monday's test"?

I'll take it.

I save them all.

"You will be going
on a long trip someday."

It's true!

I did go
on a long trip.

Mine wasn't
even a fortune.

It was just advice.

The advice cookies
are the best!

You know what people do
to get advice?

They climb high mountains
in Tibet.

O, wise teacher,

what is the meaning
of life?

( speaking in foreign language )

Oh, no!

I forgot my Tibetan-English
dictionary!

BUSTER:
Some people buy tons of books.

BUSTER:
Um, excuse me,
I'm looking for a book

on how to become a comedian.

WOMAN:
Sure!

Would you like Comedy for Dopes,

Comedy for Imbeciles

or Comedy for Complete
and Utter Dodos?

BUSTER:
Some people even go
to psychiatrists for advice.

Last night, I dreamed
I was chasing a jelly donut.

I tried to grab it
but it kept rolling away.

Mm-hmm.

And how does that
make you feel?

Hungry.

I never thought of it like that.

Okay, I guess
I'll keep mine.

Um, I already
put it in here.

How about this one:

"You give things away
too easily."

( gasps )

( all gasp )

( squawks )

FRANCINE:
Hot off the press--
the latest issue

of The Frensky Star.

Didn't you stop
writing gossip

and printing bad photos?

I did-- I only publish
real news now.

"Sugar Bowl Replaces Awning."

Tell them about the new column.

FRANCINE:
Oh, yeah.

Muffy, who's paying
for all the photocopying,

has an advice column.

MUFFY:
It's called, "Ask Muffy."

Email me your problems

and I'll tell you
how to solve them.

Remember, I'm listening.

BINKY:
Darn!

FRANCINE:
Why do you have branches

in your locker?

Because... because I like trees!

You got a problem with that?

ALL:
No!

( laughing )

Listen to this:

"My butler's birthday
is coming up

"and I have no idea
what to get him.

What's an appropriate gift?"

Signed, "Anonymous."

What does Muffy answer?

"You can't go wrong
with an expensive box

of French chocolates."

That's true!

What a dumb question.

Who's "Anonymous" anyway?

Is he that geeky second-grader
with red hair?

"Anonymous" could be
anyone, Binky.

It's a name
people use

when they don't want
to be found out.

Really?

So someone could ask for advice
and no one would know it's them?

That's right!

Not only do I listen,
I'm also discreet.

Which of you wants
to be my assistant?

Why do you need an assistant?

Only one person wrote in
with a problem,

and it was you.

That was to encourage people.

But once the column gets
popular, I'm going to need help.

So, who's it going to be?

Fine.

I'll just have
to find someone else

to help me eat these
French chocolates.

I never recommend
something without
trying it myself.

Wait up!

I type ten words
a minute and I can
start right away!

( Muffy sighs )

Still no questions!

Why aren't people
writing in?

Maybe you should come up
with a topic.

You know, like
some common problem
every kid has.

What if I came up with a topic--

some common problem
every kid has?

That's what I just said.

I've got it--
what to do about split ends.

They can really ruin
the perfect perm.

COMPUTER:
You have mail!

MUFFY:
"Dear Muffy, I have
a ballet recital coming up,

"and I play this oak tree
that turns into a pigeon.

"I think it's pretty good
and I want my friends to see it.

"But they don't know I do ballet

and I'm afraid
they'll laugh at me."

( giggling )

"What should I do?

"Signed...

A-ninny-mouse."

Yay, a question!

This is just
the beginning, Buster.

Soon, I'll be as big
as Hoprah Linseed,

the queen of daytime
talk shows.

( audience applauds and cheers )

Do you or do you not
want to redecorate
your bedroom?

Let's get real here.

( crying ):
I... I do.

I can't hear you.

I do.

I do!

( clapping )

There.

Doesn't that
feel better?

Thank you, Dr. Bill.

It's so good to get down
to the really important stuff,

like the power of redecorating.

( cheering and clapping )

Before we go, let's all
remember our wish lists.

I wish for great ratings,
more free designer clothes

and for you all
to keep having problems

so I can solve them.

Tune in tomorrow,
when everyone in the audience

gets a free makeover.

AUDIENCE:
Muffy! Muffy! Muffy!

Aren't you going
to answer that email?

Oh, yeah.

You want to give me the cupcake,
or wear it?

You have till three
to decide.

One.

Two.

Read today's Star?

I solved your
ballet problem.

B-b-ballet problem?

What are you
talking about?

Scram!

How did you know
it was me?

I recognized
your email address.

So, what did you think
of my advice?

It stank.

I can't move to Baltimore.

But they have great ballet
in Baltimore.

It's very trendy.

People say it's
the next Seattle.

BINKY:
Well, I'm
not moving.

I'm going to invite
one friend to the show.

If they like it,

I'll invite more
the next time.

Who told you that?

Someone who's much better

at giving advice than you.

You know, I think
when they write
"Anonymous,"

we should keep their
identity a secret.

Buster, we've got competition.

That's okay.

Crosswires are bred to compete.

Yeah?

Well, Baxters
are bred to eat.

When do we get more
French chocolates?

Huh? Wait up!

I have a question.

JENNA:
Even thought I'm
a championship badminton player,

I'm not sure if you pronounce
the N or not.

Is it "badminton"
or "badmitton"?

GIRL:
I've heard both.

Use the version you're
most comfortable with.

Okay, thanks.

Why do we have
to sit here?

Can't we just
join the crowd?

Are you crazy?

With all those
kids there?

They could think

I've come for advice.

MUFFY:
Oh, I still can't see him.

BUSTER:
Ow!

I think I sat on a can.

When I took this job
you didn't say anything

about spying on people
from dangerous bushes.

( gasps )

They're leaving!
Come on!

Where is he?

Hey, a guitar case.

Maybe there's
an advice-giving
guitar inside.

( gasps )

Step away from the case.

You?!

You're the good advice giver?!

Yeah, I guess.

Someone asked me a question

and I told him what I thought.

Now all these kids come here.

Actually, it's getting
to be a drag.

This is where I practice
my skate tricks.

( Molly grunts )

( sighs )

I used to be able
to do that one.

Molly, can I ask you a question?

Why not?

Everyone else does.

What do I do if I told this
friend that I'd help her,

but I don't want
to do it anymore?

Good one.

That'll stump her.

I say the direct route
is the best route.

Just tell her how you feel.

Okay.

I quit!

( gasps )

MUFFY:
Okay.

They want Molly?

They'll get Molly!

Excuse me.

I'm looking for
the kind of music

a grimy, skateboarding
fourth-grader would listen to.

( heavy metal
rock music playing )

( groans )

( groans )

( screaming )

"New Sugar Bowl Awning
Gets Cleaned."

Is that really news?

It was a slow week.

MUFFY:
Look out!

I'm coming through!

( crash )

Tell me your problems,
I'm listening.

( doorbell rings )

How much do you want?

Muffy?

Is that you?

I'm serious.

How's % of
the talk show's profit?

Just tell me your secret
to giving good advice!

Do you by chance
have a chair?

I think I'm going
to fall down.

Come in.

You look terrible.

So, like,
why are so into

this advice-thing
anyway?

So I can be rich
and successful

like Hoprah Linseed,
of course.

But you're already rich.

And you can't be
successful at something
you're totally lame at.

Lame?! You're calling me,
Mary Alice Crosswire, lame?

Yeah, because
you don't listen.

I'll have you know

that the Crosswires
are successful at
anything they...

What did you say?

The secret to giving good advice
is listening, Muffy.

Haven't you read
Hoprah's autobiography?

No.

Maybe you should

before you start
pursuing a career

as a talk show host.

Okay.

You really do give good advice.

Thanks, Molly.

Hey!

I'm not giving you
my copy.

Buy your own, moneybags.

You know, I might not be
so good at listening,

but I can spot a fashion
faux pas from a mile away.

And those bangs?

They're very dreary.

Show off your
cheekbones, girl.

( cheers and applause )

( cheers and applause )

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey!