07x05 - Elwood City Turns 100!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪

( laughs )

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.

Hey!

Whoa!

( crash )

MAN:
By the authority vested in me,

I, Theodore Roosevelt, the th
president of the United States,

in the year of Our Lord, ,

with the direct approval of the
committee on towns and cities...

Skip to the good part!

do hereby declare

the area known as Elwood...
an official city!

( cheering )

It was supposed
to be "Elmwood."

That's what I wrote
on the form!

And for taking
acres of swamp

and turning it into
a thriving lumber town,

your good friends
J.P. Morgan and Henry Ford

have donated
this statue of you,

our founder,
Jacob Katzenellenbogan.

OLD MAN:
Who's that supposed to be?

My name has two Ls in it!

And why did you
make me so fat?

Tear it down.

Tear it down!

Well, how do you
like that, J.P.?

Crazy old Jacob founded
a city before we did.

Mark my words,
Henry,

in years,
no one will know

a place called Elwood
City ever existed.

Robber
barons!

Skinflints!

Yee-ha!

RATBURN:
Exciting news, class!

Elwood City is celebrating
its centennial in three weeks,

and in honor of the occasion,

our class was chosen from
schools to stage a musical!

( all cheer )

We won! We won!

Hey, wait.

Is there going to be a big test
at the end of all of this?

No, just a big
performance.

All right,
we're doing a musical!

Yay!

Putting on a show
isn't easy, Buster.

I remember

when I did my one-man Hamlet
with puppets in college.

To be or not to be.

That is...

( audience laughs )

the end of the show.

Good night, everyone.

( whispers ):
Curtain... curtain.

( audience hisses )

That performance nearly cost me
my perfect GPA.

So we all have
to be very focused.

To save time,
I've written down all the tasks

involved in creating a musical
and put them in this hat.

You'll choose your role
at random.

Come on,
something good!

"Narrator"?

That doesn't sound
very important.

On the contrary.

A singing narrator will be

the glue that holds
this story together.

It's a very big role.

Cool!

"Chorus member"?

But I'm the best singer
in class!

Why do I get
such a small part?

There are no small
parts, Francine;

only small
actors.

"Writer"-- yes!

Finally, a chance
to write an accurate
historical musical.

"Dr. Ector"?

Is he the villain?

Can I wear a claw?

That says "director,"
Buster.

Oh.

Oh! You mean, I get to decide

how everything looks

and tell everyone
what to do?

Uh... sort of.

( hoots )

This is going to be
the weirdest musical ever!

( kisses loudly )

You could wear a claw
if you were in the chorus.

MUFFY:
Mr. Ratburn?

Could I help you
with the musical's
publicity?

Making posters,
stuff like that.

Hmm, I could use some help.

All right, thanks, Muffy.

Great.

If you just sign this,
then we're all set.

It's a standard
producer's contract

just in case the musical
moves to Broadway.

I think it'll
be good, Muffy,

but I don't know
if it'll be that good.

One word for you, Brain:
alien invasion.

Picture this.

The curtain rises,

and a giant flying saucer
lands on the stage.

( makes whirring sound )

Then the aliens come out,
hundreds of them!

They take over
the earth!

But one kid becomes
friends with them...

There will be no aliens
in my script.

Oh, why not?

Because this is
a historical musical.

We have
a responsibility

to show events
that really happened.

But I did find
some exciting things.

Did you know
that most of Elwood City
used to be swampland

filled with
green-tailed grebes?

Grebes? What are those?

Marshland birds
of the family Podicipedidae.

Are you putting that
in the musical?

Sure. Why not?

Because it's boring--
that's why.

No, it isn't.

Anyway, at least
it's not some fantasy!

What's wrong with fantasy?

People love fantasy!

They deserve accuracy!

Fantasy!

Accuracy!

( Arthur singing
scales off-key )

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la. ♪

TEACHER:
Good effort, Arthur,

but the narrator has
to be pitch perfect.

Let's try that A again.

( strikes chord )

( sings wrong key )

No, a little higher, Arthur.

Now lower.

Excuse me, Ms. Krasny,
but can I show him?

( smoothly ):
♪ La... ♪

( class cheers )

Like that, Arthur.

Thanks a lot.

( Arthur singing
scales off-key )

( howling )

I haven't heard
such a horrible sound

since Alberto and I
gave the neighbors'
cat a bath.

It's like my cow doll
with only one battery.

Hey, I bet I can sing worse
than Arthur!

( Arthur continues )

No, I can't.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la. ♪

( doorbell rings )

Let me guess.

You came to say
that I stink

and you should
be the narrator.

I'm here to help you,

but if you're going
to be that way...

No, wait!

Sorry--
come on in.

I need all the help
I can get.

( Arthur singing; Kate crying )

( off-key )
♪ La, la, la,
la, la, la... ♪

( expertly ):
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah... ♪

( electricity zaps )

ARTHUR:
♪ And the trees were chopped
down for the bustling new town ♪

♪ By the women and men employed
by Mr. Katzenellenbogan. ♪

MS. KRASNY:
That was better,

but you're still not
projecting enough.

But I'm singing
at the top of my lungs!

You sing
from your throat,

but it should come from
your diaphragm, like this.

Don't. You'll
embarrass me!

BINKY:
Jenna!

You're not chopping
on the beat!

It's one...

and two...

and three.

Oh, Binky, not again.

They take forever
to sew.

It's not my fault.

They're too tight.

So why'd you tell me
you were a medium?

I am a medium!

My chinos are medium...

What is that?

That's Humongatron.

I said no aliens!

He's not an alien.

He's a robot
that saves Elwood City

from the crab people,

and you didn't say
anything about that!

All right,
let's settle down.

Class, I said settle down.

Mr. Ratburn,
can you please look
at the guest list

for the opening-night
party?

Michelle Kwan, Yo-Yo Ma,
Mr. Rogers!

You can't invite
Mr. Rogers.

I already did.

He's so sweet.

But we open in one week.

Do you really want
Mr. Rogers to see this?

( set crashing;
audience gasping )

( quietly ):
Curtain... curtain.

It could happen all over again!

They'll pull
themselves together.

They just need
a pep talk.

May I?

( blows piercing note )

We were chosen out of schools
to put on this show,

but maybe they were wrong
to pick us.

Maybe they should have picked

Mighty Mountain
or Glenbrook.

After all, would
they be arguing?

No, they'd be
working together--

something we just
can't seem to do.

I did read there was an alien
sighting here in .

Probably just
a weather balloon, but...

Thank you!

All right, people,
let's take it
from the top.

That should hold them
till opening night.

Then we're going
to need luck

and all the candy
we can get our hands on.

FRANCINE:
Don't worry, Arthur.

You still have a week.

It wouldn't make
a difference

if I had a year.

I just can't sing!

I mean, I can sing,
but not like you.

Francine, would you like
to play the narrator?

Me?

It'd be a much
better show

with you in that part.

And I'd actually like
to be in the chorus.

You get to have
plastic axes.

Please,
will you do it?

Are you sure
this is what you really want?

Well, okay.

Thanks, Francine.

You're a great friend.

Yes!

( hoots )

Dad, come on,
we're already late!

I'll be right there.

I'm getting directions
to George's house.

( nervously ):
Why are photographers here?

Oh, they're for Art Garfunkel.

Art Garfunkel is coming?

No, he's already here.

( sighs )

I want emotion
out there!

Remember, you're not
just playing a grebe;

you are a grebe!

Grebe! Grebe!

Where's my flying saucer?

Mr. Frensky's bringing it
in his garbage truck.

It was too heavy
for George's car.

Can't you go any faster, Dad?

Francine, I'm driving
the speed limit.

But we're minutes
behind schedule and... duck!

What?

( quacks )

You okay?

What's that sound?

( metal crunching )

BOTH:
The flying saucer!

Buster's going
to k*ll me.

Hey, it's just
a prop, sport.

We'll help them
think of something.

Let's just get there.

Oh, could this night
get any worse?

( motor starts )

( motor stops )

( gasps )

MR. FRENSKY:
Uh... Frankie,
we have a problem.

KIDS:
And now...

We've got some very special
guests in the studio today.

A few of the kids

from the Lakewood Elementary
School in Elwood City

are putting on a musical

celebrating the city's
th anniversary.

They are Arthur Read,
Buster Baxter,

Muffy Crosswire
and, of course,
the Brain.

Welcome to you all.

Thanks for having us
on the show, Larry.

Tell me about the musical.

Who thought it up?

Well, I wrote it...

But we came up
with ideas together.

Is it easy
working together?

Do you like it?

Oh, yeah.
We love it.

We're a team.

We listen
to each other.

Except they wouldn't
let me have my robot.

Your robot?

Oh, it was going
to be so cool.

The aliens
were going to invade,

and then this robot
was coming out...

It didn't make any sense.

It was your
craziest idea.

Guys, this is live TV, remember?

MUFFY:
You know, Larry,

I don't know what your agreement
with the network is,

but I've recently started
my own production company,

and we could really use
someone of your caliber.

I appreciate it, but...

I'll throw in a used car.

I'm afraid we're out of time.

Thanks for being on the show,
and good luck with your musical.

Hi, Mom, hi, Dad, hi, D.W.

D.W.:
Hi!

ARTHUR:
D.W.!

What are you doing here?

You have to get back
to the musical.

It's about to start.

Oh, yeah, and Francine
is still missing.

She's the narrator.

D.W.-- what does that
stand for?

I don't like to talk about it.

Are you really a king?

Where's your castle?

Are there unicorns
in your castle?

Thanks for tuning in, folks.

And now, back to Arthur.

D.W.:
Are you sure we've come
to the right place?

Nothing's happening.

Just relax, D.W.

Shows always start
a little late.

DAD:
Not this late!

Still no sign
of Francine!

We've got to do
something.

Arthur,

you have to be
the narrator.

Me? Why me?

You know all the lines.

You only traded parts
with Francine last week.

But I can't sing!

The narrator doesn't sing
in the first number.

And by the time
it ends,

Francine will
probably be here.

No. I can't do it.

I don't have my bow tie,
I don't have my suspenders.

RATBURN:
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

( clears throat )

( clears throat )

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen

and welcome to Lakewood
Elementary's presentation

of Oh, Elwood!

We kindly request

that you refrain from using
flash photography,

turn off all cell phones

and take this time to unwrap
any candy or lozenges.

( eating loudly )

RATBURN:
Thank you.

Howdy!

Hi, Arthur!

D.W.! Shh!
( laughter )

( with Southern drawl ):
Howdy!

This here's the story
about a place ya'll know

called Elwood City.

But what you may not know is,
it wasn't always a city.

Once, it was just miles
and miles of trees.

( piano begins playing
lively tune )

ALL:
♪ The valley all around us
was nothin' but wood ♪

♪ The trees were ripe
for cuttin' ♪

♪ The timber was good ♪

♪ To chop, to stump and stub,
a man known as Jacob... ♪

♪ Katzenellenbogan,
a lumber tycoon ♪

♪ Built a busy sawmill
beside a lagoon ♪

♪ Soon wood chips filled the air
and got in people's hair ♪

♪ Axes gleamed, horses teemed ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop, timber! ♪

♪ Jacob Katzenellenbogan ♪

♪ Founded Elwood... ♪

♪ Founded Elwood... ♪

♪ Elwood City... ♪

♪ Elwood City. ♪

♪ So I went a-hikin'
to find a good spot ♪

♪ A place to build a mansion ♪

♪ A heavenly plot... ♪
( cell phone rings )

Hello.

Where are you?

We've already started.

Oh, I see.

Just get here as quick
as you can.

Was that Francine?

Is she coming?

The garbage truck
broke down.

They're hitching a ride.

What about
the flying saucer?

You better sit down.

♪ Houses multiplied... ♪

♪ Jacob Katzenellenbogan ♪

♪ Founded Elwood,
founded Elwood ♪

♪ Elwood City, Elwood City ♪

♪ Jacob Katzenellenbogan! ♪

But I wanted it
to be called Elmwood!

Darn bureaucracy.

( applause and laughter )

But wait!

Not everyone was happy that
Elwood had become a city.

When the forest was cut down,

the beautiful green-tailed grebe
had lost her home.

What's that?

A grebe.

What's a grebe?

That.

TIMMY:
That's just Fern

wearing
a lot of feathers.

Use your imagination.

I am using it.

I'm imagining
I have more candy.

♪ Taste the salty tears
we "weeb" ♪

♪ For the long-lost
green-tailed grebe ♪

♪ Our sorrows run
so very "deeb" ♪

♪ For the long-lost
green-tailed grebe. ♪

ARTHUR:
I think it's going
really well.

Yeah.

Now if only
the flying saucer
would get here...

Don't hold your breath.

It was smashed to bits

in the back of Francine's
garbage truck.

Does Buster know?

Yeah.

He's locked himself
in the janitor's closet.

RATBURN:
Buster, open this door
right now.

You're behaving very
unprofessionally.

BUSTER:
I don't care.

I'm not a professional.

We need you!
Come on!
Buster!

( gasps )

Fern's scene is almost finished!

What are we
going to do?

I'll just have to write
the flying saucer out.

Hand me those
napkins.

What about Francine?

The narrator's singing part
is coming up.

Don't worry,
she's on her way.

MAN:
Yes, sir, this baby's
a one-of-a-kind classic.

She may not be
a speed demon,

but she gets
great mileage.

( tires screech )

( chuckling ):
A duck.

Go on, sweetie,
take your time.

♪ While lumberjacks were
tickled pink ♪

♪ The green-tailed grebe,
she went extinct. ♪

( song ends )

ARTHUR:
Over the past years,

Elwood City has grown bigger
and bigger,

and we've had visitors
from all over the world.

Some say we may have
even had visitors

from outside this world.

The year is .

JENNA:
Dear me.

Look how high the corn
has grown this summer.

BINKY:
Yes.

It is a bumper crop.

( feigns barking )

What is it, boy?

Gee whillikers.

Is that a flying saucer
in the sky?

No, Bobby, that is not
a flying saucer.

It is probably just

a natural phenomenon,

such as ball lightning,
a rare form of lightning,

in which a persistent
and moving luminous
sphere can travel...

It was going to be
the best part of the show.

Now no one will ever...

BINKY:
It is simply
a misperception...

Hey, they're going on
without me!

BINKY:
Or it could be
a weather balloon...

( woman yawns )

or another type

of conventional
aircraft, or...

BUSTER:
Or it's a real alien.

( laughter )

ARTHUR:
Buster, what
are you doing?!

"Buster"?

Who is this Buster
you speak of?

I am...

Dr. Ector.

Behold my claw.

I come from the planet...

Korn

and have traveled
millions of miles

to deliver this
important message to you,

which will be sung to the tune
you earthlings call

"Yankee Doodle."

( playing intro )

♪ Dr. Ector came to Earth ♪

♪ In a flying saucer ♪

♪ Had a message to deliver: ♪

♪ Be a... ♪

♪ Be a frequent flosser. ♪

♪ Floss your teeth every night,
floss your teeth all day ♪

♪ If you floss your teeth
with all your might ♪

♪ You won't have tooth decay. ♪

Oops.

( grunting )

( gasping )

( kids shouting )

( laughter )

There will now be
a brief intermission.

Curtain... curtain!

( laughter and applause )

Buster, what were
you thinking?

Ow! Let go of my horn.

I had to do
something, Brain.

People were falling
asleep out there.

You didn't have to destroy
the set.

GEORGE:
Aren't we supposed
to use this

in the last number,
Mr. Ratburn?

Um, yes.

We'll just have to improvise.

You're right, Brain.

I did ruin everything.

I'm such a failure.

If anybody wants me,
I'll be in the janitor's closet.

Wait.

It's my fault.

That stuff I wrote
about ball lightning

was really boring.

You two are lucky.

I still have to sing.

And I bet the
audience thought

the show couldn't
get any worse.

MUFFY:
Couldn't we just end
it now, Mr. Ratburn?

I've already done enough damage
to my producing career.

FRANCINE:
End the show?

Are you crazy?

ALL:
Francine!

Sorry I'm late.

The streets were crawling
with ducks.

Well, you haven't
missed much--

just the worst
third-grade musical ever.

That's not what they think.

( laughter )

Great!

( laughter )

And when he came out
with that thing
on his head,

I thought I was going
to die laughing.

I'm really impressed.

It's got humor,
interesting facts,

that very poetic piece
about the bird.

I liked when the monster
tore a hole in the wall.

Was he a grebe?

He had feathers.

Come on, guys, we've
got a show to do.

( slow tune begins playing )

♪ Oh, Elwood City,
so proud, so bold ♪

♪ Now you are years old ♪

♪ What were dark forests,
bogs and fens ♪

♪ Is now called home
by us children ♪

♪ I lift my head
and sing to thee ♪

♪ Oh, Elwood, Elwood,
Elwood City. ♪

Hey, you've told us

what Elwood City was like
in the past,

but what's it like today?

Today?

Today things are
a little different.

Watch out,
coming through.

Hey, how do you do?

Hey, Buster, want to get
a snack?

You have to ask?

( music playing )

ALL:
♪ Slurping shakes
at the Sugar Bowl ♪

♪ The crossing guard
is on patrol ♪

♪ Soccer games... ♪

♪ Hey, I scored a goal! ♪

ALL:
♪ That's Elwood City! ♪

♪ Reading books at the library ♪

♪ Our clubhouse is in a tree ♪

♪ Had a comet named after me. ♪

ALL:
♪ That's Elwood City! ♪

♪ When the ice storm blew in,
our prospects looked grim ♪

♪ We were filled with hunger
and fear... ♪

ALL:
♪ But we got together ♪

♪ And battled the weather ♪

♪ With stories, cocoa
and cheer... ♪

♪ Just like pioneers! ♪

ALL:
♪ Baseball games
with Mighty Mountain ♪

♪ Lost a lot,
but we're not countin'... ♪

♪ Hey, don't hog
the water fountain. ♪

ALL:
♪ That's Elwood City! ♪

♪ Picnics for all sons
and fathers... ♪

♪ Hey, I just met
Mr. Rogers... ♪

♪ Crosswire Motors has
super deals... ♪

♪ The ice cream shop serves
gummy eels. ♪

♪ All clues point
in one direction... ♪

♪ Elwood City is perfection. ♪

ALL:
♪ Yes, this town
has passed the test ♪

♪ So much better
than the rest ♪

♪ Elwood City,
you're the best... ♪

♪ Elwood City, yeah! ♪

( cheering and applause )

D.W.:
Next time they do a musical

about Elwood City,

you should play
the alien.

You look more alien-ish
than Buster.

( yawns )

They probably won't
do another one for
years.

It was a centennial
celebration.

Oh, then I guess
you'll play

Jacob Katzen-
what's-his-name.

You'll have a beard by then.

( yawning ):
Katzenellenbogan.

D.W.:
I wonder what he would have
thought of the show.

( squawking )

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey. ♪

Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey.