19x08 - Francine's Cleats of Strength/Little Miss Meanie

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♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

(crash)

Go, Francine!

Tie it up and send us
into overtime!

Don't hold back, Francine!

Leave it all on the field!

(crowd groans)

(buzzer)

(cheering)

When I told you to leave it
all on the field, Frankie,

I didn't mean your cleats!

(chuckling)

"Tarantulas: the world's
most advanced soccer cleats."

Awesome.

DAD:
Hey there, superstar.

Sorry about how the game
ended today.

Dad, could we please go
to the store tomorrow

and buy me some new cleats?

Oh, I'm sorry, Francine,
we can't...

...because I already
bought you a pair.

Oh.

Uh, thanks.

They're... nice.

Nice, huh?

Not what you had in mind?

Well, I did kind of have
my heart set on Tarantulas.

Awesome.

Whoa, $ ?

Frankie, that's a little more
than I can afford.

But I'll tell you what.

If you make half
of that hundred,

I'll return these
and pay the other half.

Deal, superstar?

Deal.

How am I going to make $ ?

And the toes have
mega-traction,

and the laces are made out
of the same fabric they use

for space suits.

Ooh, do they come in teal?

Black sneakers
are so last month.

All I have to do is make $ .

But where am I going
to find a job?

Francine, fate and falafel
have thrust us together.

I'm in the market
for an employee.

You are?

Doing what?

You name it.

Raking leaves, cleaning gutters,
fertilizing shrubbery,

filling
groundhog holes...

Okay, I'm up for any...

That's so nice of you,
Mrs. MacGrady,

but I think Francine
may already have a job.

I do?

Well, okay,

but the offer still stands
if that one falls through.

Francine, you don't want
to do that job.

Think of the blisters
you'll get.

(gasps)

I know exactly
who you should work for.

Who?

Me, of course.

You?

You have leaves
for me to rake?

Oh, no, Bailey does all that.

You can be my
personal assistant.

It's the latest thing, according
to Econo-Miss magazine.

What does
a personal assistant do?

Hmm...

Well, I didn't get that far
into the article.

But we'll figure something out.

Friends don't let friends
do manual labor.

Now, we have to agree
to a fair wage.

I should warn you,
I'm a tough negotiator.

Eight dollars a day?

How about nine?

But that's more than I...

Okay, ten.

But I'm not going
a penny higher.

You drive a hard bargain.

What do you want me
to do first?

Well, first I need you

to help me drink this pitcher
of pumpkin smoothie

and eat these chips
and guacamole.

I couldn't possibly
finish them myself.

That's it?

I'm a pretty
good boss, huh?

Okay, personal assistant,

Daddy says I can add
some things to my play house.

Should I get a treadmill
or a hot tub?

You'll probably get more use
out of the treadmill.

Hmm...

I think I'll go
with the hot tub.

But good suggestion.

Oh, no!

You cornered the market
on pig bellies.

You win another game
of Megalopolis.

Muffy, shouldn't I clean
or something?

Clean?

You just wiped
the floor with me.

Come on,
let's play again.

Bailey, roll my dice.

(cello music playing)

Five, ten.

Job well done.

But I didn't do anything.

And I'm still paying you.

Aren't I the best boss ever?

Listen, if you're so dead set
on doing something,

why don't you change the music
on your way out?

Okay.

Um, Bailey...?

I heard, Miss Francine.

(bagpipes playing)

So, how goes the Francine
Frensky Tarantula Cleats fund?

I got a job today.

So fast?

Amazing.

Doing what?

Well, I'm...

It's kind of hard to describe.

It's at Muffy's.

Boy, with the size
of that house,

I'm sure they'll keep you
really busy, Francine.

(bored):
Oh, yeah.

Super-duper busy.

That's my girl--
she's not afraid of hard work.

What do you think will best
bring out my toenails, Francine:

Ruby Slipper
or Scarlet Letter?

Muffy, I'm not so sure

about being your personal
assistant anymore.

Oh, no!

Is it too hard?

No, it isn't hard at all.

I just follow you around,

look at dresses,

and get my nails done.

That isn't hard work?

I'm exhausted!

But you're paying me
to do a job.

I don't feel like
I'm doing anything.

Sometimes, I don't understand
you at all, Francine Frensky.

Okay, I'm having
an epipha-Muffy.

Why don't you be
my life coach instead.

What's the difference?

A signing bonus
of an extra five bucks.

Bailey, give her...

Stop.

You don't need
an assistant

or a life coach.

You have Bailey.

With him here,

there's nothing for me
to do at all.

Thank you, Miss Francine.

Okay, then I'll ask Bailey
to leave.

What?

What?!

Bailey, you haven't had
a vacation in...

days, Miss Muffy.

Exactly.

You deserve a break.

And meanwhile, Francine can do
everything you do.

BAILEY:
But... but tomorrow is the day

I dust, Miss Muffy.

MUFFY:
Relax.

The dust will be here
when you get back.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Don't worry, Bailey,
I can handle this.

Now, this'll be a challenge.

May I get you some more
lemonade, Miss Muffy?

By all means, Frensky.

Uh...

Let me show you
where we keep the lemonade.

For my after-school snack,
Frensky, nothing fancy.

Just some brioche, gruyere
and an endive salad.

Right away, Miss Muffy.

Um, does that come in a can?

BAILEY:
I'll fetch the snack,
Miss Francine.

Thank you for taking the order.

I thought you were off.

Oh, I am.

And having a very
relaxing time of it, too.

Now, make sure
you vacuum everything,

even my stuffed animals.

FRANCINE:
No problem, Miss Muffy.

(door closes)

Whoa, this sure is
more complicated

than the one we have.

(vacuum cleaner roaring)

(Francine shouts)

Down, boy!

Down!

Oh, no!

My fault,
Miss Francine.

I should have warned you.

You had it
on the "Black Hole" setting.

Why don't I just
finish up in here?

You've already done most of it.

MUFFY:
Frensky!

I'm thirsty!

Well, okay.

But I'll handle
everything else.

Frensky, you brought me
the wrong clutch purse.

Please run upstairs and get me
the one with the gold clasps.

And while you're there,
could you find my other earring?

Should I do that before or after
I serve you your smoothie?

What?!

Forget about that.

Get a needle and thread.

My opera gown needs hemming.

(gasps)

Oh, no!

You've ruined it!

No, no,
it's not ruined.

I'll just get
some water and...

(ripping)

Oops.

Now it's ruined.

What was that ripping sound?

Have you printed out
my homework yet

on the laser printer?

I'm on it, Muffy.

I just happened
to pass by the printer.

Here's your homework,
Miss Muffy.

I don't want to interfere,
Miss Francine,

but if I quickly
stitch up that gown,

whip up a new batch
of smoothies

and locate the earring, that
might free you up to do, um...

something else.

(sighs)

MUFFY:
And Frensky, before you go,

please polish
my snow globe collection.

Now hurry, Daddy,
we'll be late for the opera.

Are you sure you're okay
to drive, sir?

Relax, Bailey.

It's your vacation.

(car squealing)

Bailey, I don't know
how you do it.

It is a gift.

I'm exhausted.

Maybe I should just give up.

Those cheaper cleats
aren't so bad.

Miss Francine,
I have many talents,

but for fatherly advice,
I suggest looking over there.

Dad!

What are you doing here?

Hey, kiddo.

I took an extra shift
for my share of your cleats.

I bet those Tarantulas
are going to feel good

when you put them on, huh?

We sure earned them.

(panting)

Door-to-door service,
Miss Muffy.

Francine, I'm going to have
to let you go.

Let me go?!

Why didn't you tell me

before I pedaled you
all the way to school?

Bailey needed to sleep in.

The poor man
has never worked so hard.

And it's his vacation.

So here.

(gasps)

You bought me
the Tarantulas?

Think of it as
an early retirement gift.

I can't take them.

Thanks, Muffy, but I can't.

Who turns down free shoes?

Does this mean you won't stop
working for me?

I've got a better idea.

Here you go.

My azalea bushes are
sure going to miss you.

Enjoy your cleats, dear.

Thanks, Mrs. MacGrady,

but could I work
one more day or two?

There's something else
I want to pay for.

(crowd cheering)

(crowd cheers, whistle blows)

You played like your feet
had wings on them!

They did.

Now who's up for ice cream?

Uh-uh, Dad.

This time, it's on me.

And now a word from us kids.

Hi, my name is Zoe,

and I'm in Miss Thompson's
third grade class.

Today, we're having
a clothing drive.

We're collecting clothes
for people who need them.

Francine had a lot
of jobs to do,

and we have a lot of jobs to do
in our clothing drive.

What are the types of jobs
you think we need to do

to get the word out
about this clothing drive?

We can make an announcement
over the loudspeaker.

We can make posters.

The students who are
writing the speeches

will be saying this speech
over the loudspeaker.

The whole school is going
to hear this speech.

(gasping excitedly)

We want to let everyone
in the school know

about our clothing drive.

I'm drawing someone
putting a shirt in the box.

Xiera, Evan and I
are working on a speech.

"Good morning, everybody.

We are doing a clothing drive."

And then we made an announcement
on the PA.

Good afternoon, King School.

We have a special announcement
from our third grade students.

Our class is doing
a clothing drive.

Please participate
in the clothes drive.

You can donate shirts,
pants, jackets,

underwear, gloves and hats.

Please make sure the underwear
are in good shape.

Thank you very much.

Our jobs are important.

We can't let each other down.

Thank you.

My job is to label the boxes.

We are making graphs

to keep track of all the clothes
we are collecting.

We're sorting clothes.

It's fun to have a job when
you know you're helping people.

Bye!

And now back to Arthur.

(whirring)

Muffy Crosswire
has lots of good qualities.

She's smart.

Thanks, Brain.

Keep a dollar and cents
for yourself.

Normally I never tip
more than %,

but Brain's smoothies are
so good, I round it up to %.

She can be really kind.

Oh, that poor woman.

Pardon me, ma'am,

but would you like some help
carrying those bags?

Bailey!

And she always tells you
exactly what she thinks.

You weren't looking
at that dress, were you?

'Cause you could never
pull that off.

I wasn't looking
at any of them.

I was just waiting for you.

Oh.

Sor-ry.

But there's one thing
I will never, ever understand

about Muffy.

(gasps)

It's here!

In Elwood City!

The Little Miss Crocus
contest!

I'm going to win!

I have to win.

Where do I sign up?

Bailey!

Her love of beauty pageants.

Yuck.

FRANCINE:
I just don't get it.

These contests are vapid,
cheesy and shallow.

I know!

So why are you
entering it?

Did you see the tiara
in the poster?

It's gorgeous!

Besides, I've never
won one before,

and I've tried
three times.

First, there was
Little Miss Daffodil.

I lost that because it was
during my "gap-tooth" years.

EMCEE:
And the crown goes to...

Griselda Dorffman!

(applause)

MUFFY:
Then there was
Little Miss Strawberry.

On the last day,
I broke out into hives.

EMCEE:
And the crown goes to....

Philomena Peckensniff.

(applause)

MUFFY:
Finally, there was
Little Miss Aloe.

EMCEE:
And the crown goes to...

Blanka Rozak.

MUFFY:
I still have no idea
why I lost that one.

(crowd laughing)

But this time,
I'm going to win.

And nothing's
going to stop me.

Hey, look, it's Lydia.

I guess she signed up, too.

Oh, great!

There goes my chances.

Why?

Because she's
in a wheelchair.

What does that have to do
with anything?

She'll get
the sympathy vote.

The judges will take
one look at her

and it'll all be over.

JUDGE:
What a trooper.

So brave.

I think we've made
our decision.

And this year's
Little Miss Crocus is...

Lydia Fox.

(applause)

MUFFY:
But the contest
just started!

You haven't even
seen my act yet.

We don't need to.

This is real beauty.

That's ridiculous.

I know.

And I bet it's too late
to get my money back.

Oh, no, Muffy entered.

Now I'll never win.

Why not?

Because she's rich.

She'll have a professional
hair stylist,

a dress that costs
a bazillion dollars,

and I bet she hires
a circus performer

to teach her an amazing act.

(crowd gasps)

(cheering)

And if that doesn't work,

she can always just
bribe the judges.

Oh, my!

Where did these keys
to three brand new luxury sedans

come from?

Well, finders keepers.

And this year's
Little Miss Crocus is...

Muffy Crosswire!

(applause)

Just because Muffy has money

is no guarantee that
she's going to win.

You'll see.

I'm a goner.

Good luck, Lydia.

You too, Muffy.

Did it ever occur to you
that Lydia might win

because she deserves to?

She's smart, funny
and an amazing athlete.

I know that.

But beauty contests aren't
about those things.

They're about how you look.

In the looks department,

Lydia and I are
equally adorable.

So... who are the judges
going to choose?

The wheelchair
gives her the edge.

How about this?

Just quit.

Hmm...

That's a great idea!

You mean it?

You'll really quit?

Of course not.

I'm going to get Lydia to quit.

Thanks, Francine.

So you see, Lydia, this contest
is really important to me,

and you'd probably only win
because of your wheelchair.

You wouldn't want that,

so why don't you
just skip this one?

That didn't sound too bad,
did it?

I'm sure she'll listen
to reason.

EMCEE:
Okay, contestants,

I'll give you a tour
of the green room.

Okay, here goes nothing...

And if you do win,

it'll probably be because
you're in a wheelchair.

You wouldn't want that,

so maybe you should
just drop out.

Oh, that did sound pretty bad.

You should
drop out, too.

I wouldn't want to win just
because my daddy had money.

I'd never know if I was
the prettiest girl

or just the richest.

I'm only thinking of you.

That was awful,
what she just said to you.

Well, what about
what she said to you?

She's horrible.

Look at her,
trying to butter up the judges.

Somebody should make sure
she doesn't win this pageant.

You're singing
my song, sister.

What if someone put glue
in her hair spray?

(humming)

Aah!

My beautiful hair!

MUFFY:
Or what if she had
a little costume accident?

(gas hissing)

EMCEE:
Our next contestant is
the lovely Portia Demwiddy.

Oh...

What's happening?

(laughing)

But I guess we can't really
do those things.

No.

It'd make us
as big a bully as she is.

We'll just have to b*at her
fair and square.

What are you wearing
for your gown?

I can't believe you're
letting me borrow this.

It's perfect for you.

And when I finish
with these rhinestones,

your ride is going
to look amazing.

I wish there was something
I could help you with.

Actually, there is.

If you hold the baton
a little more loosely

between your thumb
and forefinger,

you'll get a much
smoother twirl.

That's it.

You got it.

(phone rings)

Could you get that?

I don't want to stop.

(with formal accent):
Good afternoon.

Crosswire residence.

Who's this?

Oh, hey, Francine,
it's Lydia.

Is Muffy trying to get you
to quit the pageant?

Don't listen to her.

You don't have
an unfair advantage.

What "unfair advantage"?

(gasps)

Hey, Francine!

Oh, you're so funny.

You knew I was kidding.

Gotta go, bye.

Okay, I admit it.

I thought you were
a shoo-in to win

because you're in a wheelchair.

I was going to ask you
to drop out, but then...

Portia did it for you.

And I heard
how mean it sounded.

I feel terrible
for even thinking it.

Well, don't feel
too bad.

I was going
to ask you to quit

because I thought
you'd bribe the judges.

You and I have a lot in common.

Who knew?

Come on, let's keep working
on your act.

(playing hula music)

(applause)

Thank you, Beulah McInnerny,
for that wonderful hula routine.

Next up is Lydia Fox.

(rock music playing)

Ooh!

Ahh!

♪ Yankee Doodle, do or die ♪

♪ A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam ♪

♪ Born on the Fourth
of July... ♪

And now our final contestant,
Miss Portia Demwiddy.

(classical piano music playing)

Girl's got game!

(electricity crackles)

Where...?

Where's my spotlight?!

What?

Did you...?

No, I swear.

Did you?

Uh-uh.

EMCEE:
I'm sorry,
Miss Demwiddy,

there appear to be some
technical difficulties.

You'll have to complete
the routine without it.

Miss Portia Demwiddy!

(applause)

I can't.

I need my spotlight.

This is unacceptable.

I want someone fired!

(yelling)

And that concludes
the talent portion.

The judges will now make
their decision.

(whispering)

Well, that makes it
a whole new ballgame.

One of us might actually
win this thing!

And the third runner-up is...

Griselda Dorffman.

(applause)

It's only a silly pageant.

It's not like
it means anything, really.

EMCEE:
Second runner-up is...

Philomena Peckensniff.

(applause)

And it's not about
whether you win or lose.

It's how you play the game.

And we did
the best we cou...

EMCEE:
First runner-up is...

Lydia Fox.

(cheering)

And...

Muffy Crosswire.

Oh, yes!

Where's that tiara?

Mama's ready to get crowned!

(clears throat)

Yes, Muffy Crosswire
is also our first runner-up.

We have a tie
for first runner-up!

(applause)

And the new
Little Miss Crocus is...

Beulah McInnerny?

LYDIA:
I'm glad she won.

She doesn't look like
your typical

beauty pageant
contestant.

True, and her ukulele playing
was pretty great.

Sorry about my little...

No biggie.

Beauty pageants
are pretty ridiculous.

I was just thinking
the same thing.

"Little Miss Crocus"?

What kind of name is that?

Why doesn't anyone
ever have

a Little Miss Rocket
Scientist Pageant?

Little Miss Field Goal.

Little Miss Algebra.

Little Miss Quantum Physics.

BUSTER:
To watch more Arthur

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

You can find Arthur books
and lots of other books too

at your local library.