03x12 - Monsters of Everlock

[bunniefuu]

( tense music )

♪ ♪

Nicholas: Oh, man, what a day.

Changing the world is not easy.

People want to be heroes and villains,

and they think it's just all play and no work.

I came to the town of Everlock to wake the people up.

They've been locked in social hypnosis

and are living in fear.

They're in need of someone

to get them in touch with their darkness

so they can see the light through the dark

and realize there's nothing to be afraid of.

( metal clatters )

( footsteps thumping )

Man, what the hell you doing?

( groovy music )

♪ ♪

Look at this! They don't make their beds.

Everything is just-- Ugh, they leave everything.

Seriously, guys?

What's it like living with clowns?

Honestly, not that funny. I constantly clean.

It is so annoying.

I mean, I love cleaning. Don't get me wrong.

It gives me great pleasure. But it's just disgusting.

Just 'cause we're k*ller clowns

doesn't mean we need to be uncivilized, okay?

♪ ♪

( grunts )

You know, before I was a clown, I was a makeup clerk.

My designs were amazing.

They said that they were too out there.

So I m*rder*d them all and enrolled into clown school.

( cackles )

I like it when I have a big room and I can meditate.

Unless the voices get bad,

and then I have a special place I go to,

and it's the birdcage.

I mean, I know I'm the strong one,

but I get weak sometimes, and I need a hug sometimes.

And I just want to be loved, you know?

And my needs need to be heard, and nobody hears me.

Everybody wants to be taken care of.

But what about High Tower? High Tower has feelings too.

Man: ♪ When Mr. Hoover said to cut my dinner down ♪

♪ I never even hesitate, I never frown ♪

♪ I cut my sugar, I cut my coal ♪

♪ But now they dug deep ♪

♪ In my soul ♪

( crying )

( soft music )

Hi, I'm Willie. I run the fun house.

I like doing slow deaths. I like doing fast deaths.

I like doing medium deaths.

I like doing excruciating, long deaths.

Um, one time, I wounded somebody,

and then I read "The Great Gatsby"

front to back, and then I finished it.

And honestly, I think, for most people,

the reading of "The Great Gatsby" was the worst of it.

It's an overrated book.

When people get nervous, their blood doesn't flow

nearly as well, so I like them to be relaxed.

And then when I k*ll them, the blood comes out rather easily.

( sniffs )

( exhales )

It hasn't been too fun lately.

Um, it turns out that a lot of people

don't think dying is fun.

So then no one kind of comes by lately.

It's just me kind of by myself.

( upbeat music )

♪ ♪

( balloon pops )

You know, the old saying is,

"Balloons are always more fun with two."

And it's true.

These are a couple little things I collected

along my--my way.

I tell you, you stare at this thing too long,

all of a sudden, you're going back in time,

and you might find yourself in a body that you don't expect.

This one here, actually, I, uh, got it from a young kid

who was homeless on the street,

and, uh, he said he wanted to be a star.

I got this at--

believe it or not, I got this at Goodwill.

Can I get some coffee in here, guys?

Man, I need some coffee.

I-- Thank you, man.

Oh, keep this nasty thing away from me. Whoa!

sh*t, I can't stand puppets.

I never wanted to be a puppet.

This I use to unlock people

from their own chains,

'cause most of them are lost

in a sickness they can't understand.

Not to get too intense, anyway.

Sandra: I decided to run for mayor.

I mean, I felt like it was about time.

Everyone thinks that we're a joke,

but I'm here to stand up for women:

Women witches, women demons,

witches, witch demons-- you know, all of us.

'Cause we all have rights. We all have thoughts.

Woman are really smart. We're not just pretty faces.

Vote for Sandra.

Yeah, we're witches. Yeah, we do witch things.

I can cast spells, so I'm not really interested

in, like, passing laws.

Sandra: I mean, of course, we're all sisters--

Debra and, um, Belle.

It's been great, you know?

We've been making the signs together.

They're really supportive.

I think it's cute, honestly.

I think it keeps them busy.

So that's nice, 'cause they stay out of my space.

Sandra: There's just no one that understands women

the way that we understand ourselves.

So I thought, "Why not?"

Hey, witches! Who's ready to play politics?

How nice of you to grace us with your presence.

- You're welcome. - Sandra: Belle.

As long as she has what she wants, Belle's fine.

She's our sister. She works with us.

We just...

She likes attention.

She loves attention, and I'm the pretty one,

so she doesn't really get attention for that.

Is that what she said?

( scoffs )

( coughs )

Okay, stop pouting.

It makes your face look fat.

All right, where's my sign?

I mean, they're hideous, but I still want one.

You didn't bring a sign?

They're not as concerned with...

how they look as I am,

so, you know, there's a lot of talking that happens.

All she cares about is her looks,

her face...being youthful.

Whatever.

I'll make my own sign,

and I think you guys are gonna like it.

Debra: Honestly, I'm really getting sick of her sh*t.

I mean, she's really not that bright.

Don't you have to be smart to be a politician?

I don't know.

Are you (bleep) kidding me?

But, you know, if it doesn't work out,

there's--there's always next year

or city council.

( groovy music )

♪ ♪

( giggling )

( both growl )

Oh, yes, you like the belly scratches?

( giggles )

I first found Humphrey down the trash,

rummaging for body parts.

( sighs ) Once I saw him,

it was love at first sight.

( giggles )

He's absolutely the sweetest thing.

We like to run around and hang out in the graveyard,

and, uh, we play fetch.

( laughs ) He's so funny.

He's like... ( panting )

And we just hang out all the time.

He's got a personality, but he's really good.

He--he--he obeys me. He does whatever I want.

And, you know, I-I love him.

He--he's the best dog I could honestly ask for.

( sniffles ) I'm just tearing up just talking about him.

It's just terrible. These humans are trying to get them all the time--

k*ll them, t*rture them.

How could you hurt a face like that?

- Woman: ♪ All I need ♪ - ( somber music )

Every day, hundreds of demons are neglected and abandoned.

These innocent demonic creatures

are desperate for help.

But there's hope.

You can make a difference.

You can help save them.

Humans Against Demon Abuse.

For just one human soul a day,

we can help save hundreds of demonic animals

from t*rture so they can be free

to t*rture others.

Make the call. Give up your soul.

Save a life.

( giggles ) I love him.

I don't know what I'd do without him.

He's my baby. Where is he?

I'm not gonna lie.

Being a demon is f--

Awesome, let's just say that. I mean, how couldn't it be?

I don't know if you know this, but I was, like, really skinny.

Um, a pathetic little human.

And I mean, that's tough, living a life like that.

Things have changed. Priorities have changed now that I'm a demon.

Since I've made this choice, it was the best choice,

because I've won Babe, and she...

she's the one.

( bluesy rock music )

So yeah, I mean, this is where I spend most of my time--

um, in this chair.

I mean, we process people, and by "processing,"

I mean we tear their heads off and eat them.

( laughs )

But yeah, I'm pretty much king of the castle here.

You know, head of the wolf pack.

Rooster of the hen cage, however you want to call it.

But, uh, yeah, no one--no one messes with me.

I mean, look at my--

- Oh, uh, hey, Babe. What's up? - ( grunts )

You know, I'm just, uh, talking to the cameras here.

Oh, oh, my God, you should-- You're probably tired.

The chair is too small for me anyways.

Oh, man, you know, I was just doing some work.

( groans )

She's, like, the light of my life

or the possession in my demon

or the demon in my possession.

I don't really know how to word it.

I'm not good with words, as you can tell.

But she is.

I saw him in a bar, and, uh...

he had handcuffs.

Those were sexy.

She completes me.

So how's your-- how's your night going?

It's good.

Well, uh...

- You know-- - Oh!

- You? - Oh, you're drinking again?

I frickin' love alcohol.

It gets me so juiced up.

( drumming )

Veronica's here!

( vocalizing dramatically )

You know, on our way in here, I asked for a bottle.

I did, didn't I? I said, "Where's my bottle of bourbon?"

( groovy music )

I don't know if you've noticed, but, uh...

♪ ♪

My arm's pretty big, so...

Let's be honest.

It isn't the only thing

that was mutated-ly huge and demonized,

if you know what I mean.

( chuckles )

My penis.

I got to be honest with you.

I've had it up to here with Strong Man.

Boy, is he sexy, but inside?

Nothing but mush, like--like, baby mush,

pea--baby peas in a mush.

What?

Willie: I've never really been that good with people.

You know, because you--when you talk to another person,

that person will say, uh, words to you,

and you're supposed to say, uh, other words

that may be interesting

that are also a part of the conversation,

and I have a hard time saying words that are interesting

to another person in, uh, a human interaction.

I had a friend who had four grandmas that d*ed.

Must have been adopted a lot.

I'm fine with blood.

Um, feces?

I don't particularly like dealing with feces.

I mean, I got a dog a while ago.

But he ran away.

I thought it was just a coincidence,

but I got another dog,

and that dog also ran away.

But I have a lot of Smirnoff Ice left over

from about 15 years ago.

( crickets chirping )

( tense music )

♪ ♪

Female Evil Doll: I love knives.

I have sets upon sets of cutlery.

I like to clean them in my spare time

because, naturally, we do a lot of k*lling.

I love my knives.

They bring great joy to my life.

Male Evil Doll: Being a doll is fine, I guess.

I don't have any strong feelings one way or another.

What do I enjoy? Well, morning hikes, I guess.

Reading.

Oh, and I've recently gotten into gardening.

( groovy music )

Female Evil Doll: We have all kinds of dolls, you name it--baby dolls.

Male Evil Doll: Barbie dolls.

Female Evil Doll: My favorite doll is the monkey doll.

Señor Frog doll. All kinds.

( both cackling )

Death comes in...

many tentacles.

Many people find themselves submerged in it

before they even know it.

You just kind of spin the wheel, kind of like life.

And you see what pops out.

A little happy fellow, right? I like him.

My little buddy.

Oh, man.

Whoo, I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to do that.

Go back to sleep.

Tomorrow's a new day. Okay.

( rock music )

♪ ♪

( groovy music )

( upbeat music )

( soft music )

♪ ♪

Snakewoman: Hi, uh, could I get another one?

Thank you, and he'll be here really soon.

I know it's getting late.

He's a busy guy. I like them busy.

Thank you.

He'll be here.

People can be so disappointing.

♪ ♪

Uh, I just was calling to see--

I don't know what happened.

Maybe--I don't know.

Um, I'm having a blast here.

Uh, I might have had a little too much to drink.

Uh-oh.

Fun--fun me is out now.

Where are you? Okay.

I am hot sh*t.

I am, like, sexy, hot,

slithering sh*t.

Yeah.

Benjamin: Well, uh, I've always, uh,

kind of been in love with the Snakewoman.

I mean, the first time I saw her,

the moonlight reflecting off her scales,

it was...

intoxicating.

( crickets chirping )

Benjamin?

Wait, you mean that, like, really tall guy?

Yeah, I-I know him. Why?

I-I-I would love to go on a date with her.

I mean, did--did-- did she say something?

A date? Um...

yeah, yeah, I'll do it.

( romantic music )

♪ ♪

It was great. It went really well.

I just--I had the best time.

He tells really good jokes.

( laughs ) There was this one--

No, no, no, you wouldn't get it. It's, like, an inside thing.

Benjamin: Think if I asked her to do it again, she would?

I like him.

I would definitely see him again.

She said she would? Oh, yeah!

High five!

♪ And Snakewoman sitting in a tree ♪

♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪

( gasps ) Yes!

Things around here aren't so bad after all.

♪ ♪

All right, try again.

- ( grunts ) - ( groovy music )

Strong Man: I feel like, you know,

we're missing that us time, you know?

Maybe we could go out and rob some graves or something.

Um...

- Just me and you? - Yeah.

- Like old times' sake? - Maybe next time, babe.

Strong Arm: Things aren't going the greatest with Babe.

Um, she kind of takes away a little bit of my thunder.

And that's hard, man. She de-masculates me.

Uh, I don't like the stick, Babe, remember?

( exhales )

Thank you.

I love her as that pleasant, just lovable snuggly bear.

That's how I knew her, and now she's a demon,

and she just wants to k*ll and ravage and, you know,

drink blood and stuff, which I'm totally into.

I mean, we've had blood orgies like you wouldn't even believe.

Hey, the bourbon's coming soon?

I just really need to loosen up,

'cause I'm just feeling so tight.

And I don't like to feel tight, you understand?

It was good seeing you, Babe.

Uh...

maybe next week, we could talk?

Yeah. Isn't she wonderful?

God, I love that woman.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm so lost in this relationship.

I mean, if you could give me some advice,

I'd really appreciate that,

because I swear to God, she hates me.

( laughs )

"I am Strong Man! Uh, hey, Babe."

Strong Man: You know, when Babe's a little busy,

I got to sometimes take care of business,

and, uh, it can be--

I mean, look at this thing.

There's been times where I'd almost

ripped the damn thing off.

15, 16...

1,358,658,365,358.

( exhales )

(bleep), I'm sad.

H through Z were stolen about four years ago.

I'm not sure of the street value

of the World Book Encyclopedia,

but that's the only thing they took.

So...that's something.

And there was pencils in here too.

So the encyclopedias and the pencils, they took.

( blows sharply )

Society is a huge carnival today.

Most of us are playing parts in that carnival.

Many times, we didn't get a chance to choose that part.

It kind of chose us.

I believe this documentary needs to be made

because people are so buried

in misery today

and lost in the anxiety of just getting by

that we've forgotten what life is really about

and how precious life really is, so...

Joey did what?

Nobody watches these stupid documentaries!

Turn that thing off!

( groovy music )

♪ ♪

( laughter )

( bell dings )