[PAGES SHUFFLING]
LAWYER: Please state
your name for the record.
- Stan Marsh.
- [PAGE TURNS]
LAWYER: And, uh, Mr. Marsh,
you were involved
in the streaming wars, is that correct?
We made stuff for
streaming services, yes.
And how do you know the
defendant in this case?
She's the mother of
my f... acquaintance.
When you made your deals
for streaming services,
you sort of leveraged them
against each other, didn't you?
That is correct.
And now the streaming bubble has burst
and your own father is in
hiding, isn't that correct?
My dad is missing, that is correct.
What exactly was your
job in making these
little Popsicle stick boats
for streaming services?
Um, my job was to eat the Popsicles.
And the people who paid you
didn't care what you made?
Well, if you look at it, only
about a fourth of what's on
most streaming services
is really worth a sh*t,
so... Oh, sorry.
Do you know what an exclusive deal is?
Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is.
So, if you make an exclusive
deal with a streaming service,
you can't make an exclusive deal
with another streaming service, can you?
It's not our fault that
the streaming wars happened!
So, then why not just
give back the money?
- We can't!
- Why not?!
'Cause the money is all
in Cartman's f*cking tits!
- ♪♪
- [GAVEL BANGING]
CARTMAN: Ms. Cartman, you and
your son live in a hot dog,
is that correct?
Yes, Eric, you know that's correct.
And your son wanted you
to get fake tits so that the rich guy
across the street would
let you live with him
but you refused, is that right?
That's right.
So when I said, "If you
don't get fake tits I will,"
you just told me to go ahead.
Yes, because I'm sick of
you doing extreme things
to get your way.
So you refused even though tons
of women get fake breasts all the time.
Your Honor, I'd like to
introduce Exhibit D...
Tons of women with fake tits.
Tom, I'm standing outside
the courthouse where the judge
has just thrown out the
Cartman v. Cartman case.
The judge said, quote, "You're
all a bunch of shitheads.
Get out of my courtroom."
Just proof once again, Tom,
that streaming services
have made everything suck.
["YOU DON'T MISS YOUR WATER"
BY OTIS REDDING PLAYING]
- _
- ♪ In the beginning ♪
♪ You really loved me, oh ♪
♪ I was too blind ♪
♪ I could not see, now ♪
♪ But now that you left me ♪
♪ Oh, how I cried, I keep crying ♪
♪ You don't miss your water ♪
♪ Till your well runs dry ♪
'Kay, Mom, well, I hope
you learned your lesson.
So, maybe now, will you get fake tits
so I can get these stupid things out?
No, Eric! No!
♪ I never thought, no ♪
Can I get a Frosty?
♪ I never thought you'd ever leave me ♪
♪ But now that you've left me ♪
♪ Good Lord, good Lord, how I cried ♪
♪ You don't miss your water ♪
♪ You don't miss your water ♪
♪ Till your well runs dry ♪
♪ Ooh, you don't miss your water ♪
♪ You don't miss your water ♪
♪ Till your well runs dry ♪
♪ I miss my water, I
keep missing my water... ♪
- Oh, sh*t, it's Karen!
- What?
Come on. Go, kids, go.
What... what happened?
- Wow, it's the real thing.
- We gotta go!
[SIREN WHOOPS]
There! You see? Karen is right there!
Okay, okay, everyone
back... Just stay back!
All right, Karen. We
don't want any trouble.
Huh?
It doesn't have to be like this,
Karen. Let us get you some help.
Can-can someone please
tell me what's going on?
Is there, like, a manager
I can speak to somew...
[GRUNTS, STAMMERS, EXHALES]
Karen's clear!
Move in!
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
♪♪
HARRIS: Just relax.
I need to know what you remember, Karen.
I started a streaming service...
to compete with the weed
farm across the street.
And some guy d*ed.
That's right.
Do you know where the owner
of Credigree Weed is now?
No.
The steaming wars got out of hand.
Your rival here somehow got
ManBearPig to work for him
and m*rder the competition.
You... went down to the Colorado
State Water Commission's office.
You asked to speak with the manager.
And then you went full nuclear Karen.
Full nuclear Karen?
HARRIS: You went ballistic on everybody.
Call the cops, g*dd*mn it,
if you don't like me over here.
- f*cking call 'em!
- MAN: Okay. Karen.
m*therf*cker!
- Go back to Mexico.
- WOMAN: Listen. I said...
I said "excuse me."
Go. Go back wherever you're from!
HARRIS: You traveled all
over the state and demanded to
- see everyone's managers.
- He's the one... that went off.
Oh, God...
- I don't have a right to be here?!
- Outside the State office
in Denver, you caused a -car pileup.
- Huh?! Call a manager now!
- Five people were severely injured.
And then you att*cked the airport.
I want the manager of
the f*cking airport here!
Who's tellin' me to... [SHRIEKING]
I want the manager of the airport here!
And then the same thing
happened in Madrid.
Who is the manager of
this f*cking sh*thole?!
- HARRIS: In Bangladesh...
- [NO AUDIO]
And in the mountains of Tibet.
And I'm sorry, Karen, but...
I'm afraid all of this has become
the most watched videos on YouTube.
No.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Tolkien...
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for something, all right?
- Looking for what?
- Anything.
I don't know! People are saying
that my dad caused all this.
That he's hiding because
he knows he's guilty.
I know that's not true.
What does that have
to do with the rich guy
who lived here moving away?
The guy who lived here didn't
move away. He was k*lled.
What?
I know that my dad
wouldn't just run and hide!
What if he needs me right now?
Tolkien, I wanted the guy
who lived here to be my dad.
Who would have k*lled him?
♪♪
[SLURPING]
Okay, I'm done.
All right, then put
your plate in the sink
and march right on upstairs!
Maybe the next time you decide
to pit streaming services
against each other and cause
a drought, you'll think twice.
I want no playing, no reading
and no thinking about fun stuff.
You are being grounded.
It's not my fault streaming
services paid people more
than was sustainable
in any business model.
- Butters.
- [YELLS]
Shh! Butters, stop.
Eric! You can't be
in here, I'm grounded.
We've been set up, Butters.
- What?
- The whole streaming wars!
The whole thing was a lie!
Eric, is that a real g*n?
f*ck yes, it's a real
g*n. Butters, listen to me.
Someone bought up all the water
and m*rder*d anyone
who got in their way.
- No...
- Yes, Butters.
Someone worked with the
Colorado water commissioner
and cheated the system. The same person
who is now using climate
change to make a profit!
Who?
It didn't make sense to me.
Why my mom was being so stubborn.
Why she wouldn't do what I asked.
But then I saw Tolkien across the street
and I figured it out...
Tolkien is f*cking my mom.
Tolkien?!
I wanted my mom to get fake tits
so she could marry the
rich guy across the street.
Now that guy is dead and
my mom is acting strange.
The only explanation is
that she's f*cking Tolkien
and they don't want me to know!
But, Eric, Tolkien was making
the boats with us, he...
Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here.
Stop staring at my tits.
Oh, sorry.
There's a bad guy out there getting away
with m*rder, Butters.
And we have to catch him.
♪♪
Good people of Denver,
we are living through a horrible time.
This drought, i-it affect everybody.
It affect me. My waterpark.
But I have a plan to not
only reopen my waterpark,
but also help all of Colorado
with their water supply problem.
So, if you don't mind, I'd
like to show you my deck.
- Oh, Christ.
- No.
This is the business proposal deck
for the Pipi streaming service!
- Oh...
- Oh, that's okay.
In just a few days I
will reopen my waterpark
which will now run on % pee!
And then we can collect
half of the pee every day
and send it out to the people of Denver
and all over Colorado
for their daily use.
I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi,
but I really don't think we'll
be able to get people to invest
in your streaming service.
No, no, no, it's okay!
Because I got the biggest celebrities
who made a commerci for crypto
to make the commerci for me!
We are living in a severe drought.
There simply isn't a choice anymore,
we have to find alternate
sources for water.
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
You've heard me talk
about the wonders of
cryptocurrency, and
now there's a company
who can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
Pee can be used for almost anything.
We can water our lawns with it.
We can also use urine
for our shower water.
[GROANING]
Fortune favors the brave.
And a brave person knows
that pasta cooked in pee
water tastes just fine.
[GAGGING]
Okay, hold on.
[GAGGING]
[QUICKLY]: Fortune favors the brave.
[COUGHS, GAGS]
Did you know frozen pee can make
for a delicious summer treat?
[GAGGING]
Okay.
[GAGGING]
Fortune favors the brave.
And pee water actually pairs really well
with an Impossible Burger.
[GAGGING]
[CROAKING]: Fortune...
[QUIETLY]: Fortune favors the brave.
[GAGGING]
_
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
- _
MATT DAMON [OVER VIDEO]: ... for water.
- Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
- Dad?
You've heard me talk about
the wonders of cryptocurrency,
and now there's a company who
can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
- You okay?
- Pee can be used for almost anything.
- What have I become, Stan?
- We can water our lawns with it.
How did I just sit by and
let the world sink to this?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[GROANING SOFTLY]
[GAGS]
I used to be a scientist.
Do you remember that?
I was the one who warned
the town about a volcano.
I warned them about
the day after tomorrow.
And then... it all become about weed.
When did that happen, Stan?
I guess we all just got greedy, Dad.
I wanted to be a scientist because
scientists solve problems.
Do you even know what kind
of geologist I was, Stan?
No.
I was a "fluvial geomorphologist."
Someone who studies the
changes in streams and rivers.
And when the town needed me most...
I was just out bitching
because all I cared about
was getting high and rich.
I can't even remember the old me.
♪♪
♪ There was a boy I used to know ♪
♪ With dreams as big as
the fire in his heart ♪
♪ He grew to be a man
of such good will ♪
♪ Always so patient ♪
♪ Always so smart ♪
♪ He had so much but he threw it away ♪
♪ Somewhere along he got off track ♪
♪ But today he's making
the change for good ♪
♪ And now that man is coming back ♪
♪ Oh, we missed you, Randy ♪
♪ Where have you been? ♪
♪ It seems such a long time ♪
♪ Since we've seen our old friend ♪
♪ Everyone needs you, Randy ♪
♪ Where did you go? ♪
♪ It's like you just became a one-note ♪
♪ Overwrought part of the show ♪
♪ Here I am trying to make it right ♪
♪ Gonna take my life back
with my baby tonight ♪
♪ Oh, we missed you, Randy,
we missed you, Randy ♪
♪ Where have you been? ♪
♪ I've been acting like a fool ♪
♪ It seems such a long time ♪
♪ Since we've seen you, old friend ♪
♪ We've all been waiting
for this day to come ♪
♪ We're all so happy about
the things you've done ♪
♪ 'Cause you're going back to Randy ♪
♪ I'm going back to Randy ♪
♪ We missed you, Randy ♪
♪ I missed me, Randy ♪
♪ It's so good to
have you back now ♪
- ♪ Our dear friend ♪
- ♪ We missed you, Randy ♪
♪ Our dear friend, Randy ♪
- ♪ I'm Randy ♪
- ♪ Randy ♪
- ♪ Randy, Randy ♪
- ♪ I'm Randy. ♪
CARTMAN: All right,
I've got eyes on him.
Looks like he's in
the basement bathroom.
BUTTERS: I didn't even know
Tolkien had a basement bathroom.
CARTMAN: Yeah, neither
did I. Sneaky bastard.
Seems like he's looking for something.
Oh, nope, he's turning back around.
He's pulling down his pants.
Oh, I think he's gonna take a sh*t.
Mark down: " : , started taking sh*t."
What the f*ck are you doing?
- Oh, sh*t. Go, go, go.
- [BUTTERS YELLING]
- ♪♪
- [ZIPPER CLOSES]
Hello?! Where are...
Eric, I can see you!
CARTMAN [WHISPERING]:
There's no way he can see us.
Just stay still.
I see you behind the f*cking tree!
Don't come another step
closer or I sh**t Butters.
What?!
Let's go. Move. Move!
Do you wanna tell me
what's going on, Tolkien?
- I have no idea!
- Sure!
We're all supposed to believe
that streaming services
were all our fault.
I remember that day at school, Tolkien.
You were the one who said
I should build the boats.
Because I felt bad for you!
You felt bad for me?
Or maybe is it that you wanted
the drought to... Butters,
will you please stop staring at my tits.
I'm sorry.
We've been doing research, Tolkien.
Somebody manipulated the system.
All the water rights, water laws,
there's a big chain of corruption
and the whole thing
stinks like your wiener
after f*cking my mom.
Eric, I swear, I have no clue
what you're talking about.
Then read it.
Read about how none of the
streaming services had any
chance of lasting but paid out
thousands of dollars anyway.
Read about how the water
commissioner of Colorado
knew about it the entire time!
Eric, where did you get this?
Tolkien, my eyes are up here,
please stop staring at my titties.
I am staring you dead in the eye.
Where did you get this?
♪♪
Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.
I got women everywhere excited
about investing in crypto.
And now there's something
even better to invest in.
Uh... uh... um...
Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
[SLURPS, GAGS]
_
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
- _
My fellow Coloradoans,
today we will try to put an end
to the drought that
has crippled our state.
It's my pleasure to announce
that the city of Denver
will be investing heavily in
the Pipi streaming service.
And we encourage you all to "Go pee."
Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver!
It is a my honor to give you
all of the pee that I can.
And so, as of today, we are all going
- to live in...
- RANDY [DISTANT]: Wait!
Hold on!
- Who is that?
- Excuse me!
Please, I have to get to the front!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please.
- Please, I have an announcement.
- [FEEDBACK SCREECHES]
Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh
and I am...
- a scientist!
- [FEEDBACK SCREECHES]
The damage that has been
done to our fresh water
due to the streaming
wars is irreversible, yes.
But I believe I have a plan.
And if you don't mind,
I'd like to show my deck to
each and every one of you.
Whip it out, bro!
The answer...
is an ocean water desalinization plant.
When all of you hear about
droughts in our country,
don't you ever think, "Wait,
the Earth is % water.
What the f*ck? How can we
not have enough water, right?"
[ALL MURMURING IN AGREEMENT]
The only thing stopping us from not
being able to use seawater
for our daily use is the salt.
I have a plan to pipe the water
from the oceans up to
the Continental Divide.
From there, we separate
the salt from the water,
giving our entire country
enough clean water forever.
And we ship the salt off to
Arby's and KFC where it belongs.
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
Dr. Marsh, you have all
the funding you need.
Randy Marsh has the better deck!
[CHEERING LOUDLY]
♪♪
♪ She's only ... ♪
- _
- PIPI: Ever since I can remember,
I've wanted two things.
My own waterpark and to only have to pay
for one streaming service.
And what I didn't know...
was that my own employees
would try to f*ck me!
And f*cking ruin my life!
Who is this guy talking
about a desalinization plant?!
How did we miss him?!
He's just some scientist,
h-he came out of nowhere.
I asked you to take care of
anybody who might get in my way!
I just wanna be a lifeguard.
"I just wanna be a lifeguard."
You just wanna f*ck Pipi!
You're all a bunch of
stinky poopy babies!
All of you! You little p*ssy b*tches!
[ROARS]
Oh, you don't like that, huh?
I told you, I told you k*ll anyone
in the mountains who could be a problem!
You a little ManBear-bitch,
that's what you are!
[ROARING]
You wanna f*ck with Pipi, huh?
Don't forget what I have on you.
Sit down, ManBearBitchy!
[GROANS]
I want that desalinization plant gone
and I want the scientist dead!
There can only be one streaming service.
And it's going to be Pipi+!
♪♪
HARRIS: It was : on Thursday night.
The people were all excited
about the possibility
of a new desalinization plant.
But I had a lingering
uneasiness in my gut.
And then, just like that,
in walked the nicest pair
of knockers I'd ever seen in my life.
Detective, we need to talk to you.
Aw, f*ck, not you again.
Get out of here kid, I'm
not going to arrest your mom.
You might think differently when
you hear what we have to say.
- Go ahead, Tolkien.
- Sir,
we think the person who
k*lled Robert Cussler
actually had a bigger plan:
to make the drought happen.
Your father k*lled Robert Cussler.
And what makes you think
he had a bigger plan?
Wait a minute. Did he
tell you his business plan?
Did he show you his deck?!
No.
My uncle Larry showed me his d*ck once.
My dad isn't capable of k*lling anyone.
Well, I'm sure that's true.
And that's why your father
had ManBearPig do it for him.
You see, your dad used
ManBearPig to get rid
of the competition
in the streaming wars.
Butters, please.
And ManBearPig will
just go right on doing
whatever Tolkien's father
says because he's afraid.
ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?
Afraid for the safety...
of its wife and child.
Not many people know about
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck,
but your father must
have threatened ManBearPig
that he would tell people they exist.
And if everyone knew that
climate change had a child,
they'd go after it.
Okay, whatever, but you have no proof
that it was my dad who did anything.
Don't I?
I happen to know for a
fact that while the rest
of the state is suffering,
your dad has been out living it up.
Surveillance camera caught him enjoying
his time at a waterpark.
The waterpark.
♪♪
Hello, I'm Larry David.
When I made my Superbowl
commercial for crypto,
I didn't even really know what it was!
But thanks to the money
I made, I now can enjoy
my favorite beverage every day!
[GURGLING]
[GAGGING]
_
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Go pee!
With Pipi+.
[WATER DRIPS ECHOING]
[GASPS LOUDLY]
[GASPING]
[GRUNTS]
[ECHOING]: Hello?
Where the f*ck am I?
[GRUNTING]
Hello?!
PIPI: Well, I don't know, but
it needs to be a-fixed, okay?
Maybe we have some
kind of intruder, huh,
that's doing the sabotage, you know!
GUARD: We looked everywhere, sir.
We didn't find anything.
Well, look harder, you stupid f*ck!
Something going on down here!
[SNARLING]
[SQUEALING]
[LOW GROWLING]
Who are you? Did you bandage me up?
Chuck Chuck!
GUARD: Come on! Something's happened
to the outtake valves again!
[SHUSHING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[TOOLS CLACKING]
Okay, that's great, guys.
Keep the pipe on the downward slope.
- How's it all going?
- Oh, thanks, honey.
It's good. Fast.
I think we can have
this thing up and running
- for tests in a week.
- That's amazing.
You're not so bad yourself, babe.
Oh, and hey, Sharon?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
It's okay, Randy.
All right, Nelson, I've
updated the engineering.
I've accounted for the elevation
but I still can't
figure out the pipeline.
The problem is actually
getting enough pressure
to get the saltwater
up here to the plant.
It almost seems impossible.
I don't know how you get saltwater
up here without a tremendous
amount of energy.
Yeah, well, let's just keep working.
There has to be an answer.
Science always has an answer.
Randy, it's good to have you back
at the U.S. Geological Survey.
Thanks, Nelson.
Oh, and hey, Nelson?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
That's okay, Randy.
[MACHINERY CLACKING]
♪♪
Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka.
And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy
fresh piss on my organic greens.
Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
[GAGGING]
_
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Go pee!
With Pipi+.
♪ She's a summertime girl ♪
ANNOUNCER [OVER P.A.]:
Welcome to Pipi's Waterpark!
Where the thrills and
fun are all % urine.
We hope you have a magical
day and if you need to
use the restroom, just let it
go in one of our many pools.
Your pee will be collected and harvested
for Denver's water
supply. Go pee, Colorado.
Boy, oh boy, what a
great day for a swim!
Can't wait to hit that fresh pool!
Blackhawk, this is
Browneye. I am in position.
Copy, Butters. Do you see
the slide we're looking for?
That's a negative,
Blackhawk. Got nothin' here.
What about over by
the funnel cakes, Eric?
♪ She's a summertime girl... ♪
I don't see the slide that matches
the one in the picture, Tolkien.
I'm afraid this could
be a dead end, guys.
- Wait. Oh, my God.
- What?
There's a guy here who's just
totally staring at my tits.
Hey, do you mind, sir?
My eyes are up here.
Eric, we're trying not to
draw attention to oursel...
Stop looking at my tits!
- Yes, you are!
- Eric, do you...
These people are all
staring at my f*cking tits!
They're such perverts!
Little boy, we're just a
bit shocked to see that.
Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty
bitty titty committee, bitch!
Just focus on the f*cking plan, Eric!
BUTTERS: Hey, fellas, I think I got it!
I found the slide where
the photo was taken!
And there's some kind of bunker
entrance right next to it.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
♪♪
Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry
but I need to speak with
you about your husband.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
But he will be as soon as I
can find him. Can I come in?
Your husband is a very dangerous man.
We now believe that he caused
the whole drought to happen.
- Do you mind?
- Yes.
Great.
Now, obviously, your
husband had some kind
of bigger business plan.
He might have it all
explained somewhere.
Does your husband have a deck?
Of course my husband has a d*ck.
Well, I'd like to see it,
if that's okay with you.
How am I supposed to show
you when I don't even know
- where he is?
- All right. If you want to
be difficult, ma'am, that's fine.
But you know where your husband is
and so does your little boy.
I'm sure that you've both seen his deck
and I'm sure it's pretty massive.
Detective, my husband is a good man.
Well, I'm sure he was at one point.
But then he started a streaming service
and became the monster that he is today.
Okay, well, I think
you should leave now.
All right, fine.
But just so you know,
when I find your husband...
And I will find him...
I'm gonna sh**t him.
And then I'll check out his deck later.
♪♪
This must be where all the pee
is collected for Pipi's
streaming service.
Sure is a lot of pee!
This place is massive. They had to have
been working on this place for years!
Yeah, looks like
someone has been planning
on f*cking my mom for a long time!
Everyone spread out and
see what you can find.
What exactly are we looking for?
Documents, contracts,
condoms, whatever you can find.
Get a picture of anything unusual.
People would be very interested to see
how far along this all is.
Hey, there's some little
brown chocolates on the floor.
Chunk!
[SCREAMING]
Whoa!
It's okay. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.
[QUIETLY]: Chuck Chuck?
The f*ck is that?
What are you doing down here?
Are you lost?
Chuck Chuck.
You guys, seriously, the f*ck is that?
It's like a little bear pig...
They don't know you're
down here, do they?
Chuck Chuck.
Hey, stop right there!
- [ALARM BLARING]
- [CLAMORING]
Yeah, we did it! We did it!
Tell the boss we caught 'em!
We finally caught the little buggers
that've been messing with
the equipment down here.
♪♪
I'm Reese Witherspoon.
I think crypto is a great idea
but there's one investment
that's even smarter.
That's why when my family is
enjoying festive party games,
we do it in pee.
[GRUNTS]
[GASPING]
[RETCHING]
_
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Go pee!
With Pipi+.
[RETCHING]
Oh, hey, honey.
- Any luck?
- No.
The plant is almost ready to
go and I still can't figure out
how to get the saltwater to it.
The elevations are just too extreme.
Hey, what are the kids doing?
Mm, they're just in
their rooms, hanging out.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
How about we round them
up and go take a nice walk
- or something.
- You sure?
Yeah, I need a break and
they need a dad. Come on.
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson.
Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there?
NELSON: Randy! Randy!
The plant!
It's all wrecked!
What are you talking about?
It was climate change, Randy!
It ripped apart the watershed and took
a huge sh*t in the conversion tanks!
No.
It just started tearing through people.
But, Randy, it seemed like
it was looking for something.
I'm scared it might have
been looking for you.
[PHONE BEEPS]
Randy, what's going on?
What's going on, Dad?
Take the kids to the
basement and lock the door.
Randy, what are we...
Just do it, baby, please!
Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.
What the f*ck are you doing here?!
I need your help, Randy.
I can't go to the police.
Yeah, no sh*t, 'cause you're a m*rder*r!
I didn't k*ll anyone!
Look, I know we've had our differences.
But I need you to trust me right now.
I don't care about
Credigree Weed anymore.
I just want to fix the drought.
You're not going to fix it because
Pipi controls everything!
Pipi?
He used the water commissioner to get us
to start our streaming
w*r against each other.
No.
He used us, Randy.
Pipi tried to have me k*lled
but some little beaver thing
saved me. Please.
My wife said Tolkien and his friends
went to look for me at the waterpark.
Credigree and Tegridy
have to work together.
Tegridy took over my life
and completely ruined my character.
Don't you get it?
We aren't the ones who are
ever gonna help anything.
We're the ones who
make everything worse.
[SQUEAKING]
[GRUNTING] It's no use, we
can't hack through the bars.
Hey. Hey there.
[QUIETLY]: Chuck Chuck.
Hey.
Are you down here looking for your dad?
I'm looking for my dad, too.
Oh, God, that's so cheesy.
You don't have to be afraid of people.
I can tell you why.
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
[FLATULENCE]
Chuck Chuck.
Yes. Good, Tolkien, I
think you're starting
- to reason with it.
- [HEAVY DOOR OPENS]
So!
You're the little "sabotagis"
that's been messing with my stuff, huh?
Uh, no, we actually just
got here recently, sir.
- Where is my dad?
- Your dad?
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Oh...
You the boys that make-a
the little boats-a. No?
Oh, you help Pipi so much!
You probably made a lot of money, huh?
We didn't know what we were doing.
[CHUCKLES]: Yeah, well, who does, huh?
That's doing business in America.
You just get in,
f*ck everything up, pay
people money you don't have,
and try to get a big
market evaluation, yes?
So you sped up climate change
and then you f*cked my mom, is that it?
Scusi?
No, see, what he did was
he paid people too much money
while actually devaluing the artists,
creating a streaming business
that was driving content
instead of content driving the business.
So now he's got a huge company
but all he's delivering is piss.
And now I'm about to have
the only streaming service
in the world.
You see, I have all
the celebrities here.
Everybody to be in one big
final commerci together!
And when that commerci goes out,
everybody gonna want to invest in Pipi.
And you boys, well... I'm
afraid you might meet up
with a little accidente, eh?
The pee-pee gonna come down
and it gonna wash you
boys away down a drain-ee.
Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci!
♪♪
I'm sorry, guys. I got played.
We all got played, Dad.
The whole state.
I really thought I could
make a difference this time.
Well, you can't, Randy.
But there is someone who can.
Somebody who can go
down to that waterpark
and demand to be heard.
We need Karen back, Dad.
What?
No. No!
You have to, Dad.
Karen is the only one
that can get past security
and insist to see the management.
Karen is gone. Okay?
I'm never going back.
Then Pipi does win.
And we all go without fresh
water for the rest of our lives.
Come on, Karen, please.
My friends are down there.
It doesn't work like that.
I didn't just become Karen overnight.
First I smoked weed.
Then I smoked too much weed.
Then I started a weed farm
and then I got entitled
and did everything I
could to protect it!
But the weed is all gone now.
Not all of it.
The Thanksgiving Day
Special? You saved this?
I-I made this, like, three years ago.
Yeah. I think it's the
best special you ever made.
♪♪
If I smoke this... I
won't remember any of you.
It will be like none of the
past few days ever happened.
We have to have water, Karen.
♪♪
[MAGICAL CHIMING]
[NO AUDIO]
[MUFFLED]: What the hell is he doing?
He looks ridiculous.
Just-just let him do it, kids.
[MAGICAL CHIMING]
[HUMMING, GRUNTING]
♪♪
♪ We missed you, Karen ♪
♪ Where have you been? ♪
Someone's been f*cking with my Tegridy!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, for coming
to be a part of filming my new commerci.
This is gonna be the best
commerci we ever make-a!
Okay, now everyone look
like you're having fun!
Background action! And
action, Matt Damon-a!
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
Me and all my Hollywood friends
have a little secret to share.
ALL: We love being in pee.
Are you in?
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Now you all play in
the pee a little bit.
You laughing, you having fun.
You splash-a the pee on each other.
[GROANS]
Good, good. You love the pee.
Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee
on Reesie Witherspoon.
And then, Reesie, the
pee... The pee make you
so happy that-that you cry.
I cry?
Yes, Reesie, you so happy
in the pee, it make you cry.
And when you cry... you cry the pee.
I can't cry pee.
Oh, come on, Reesie.
You slut yourself out for crypto,
now just be a slut for Pipi.
Go on, cry, Reesie. You're
all a bunch of sellouts.
Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry.
[CRYING]
[ALL CRYING]
I'm sorry, folks, the
waterpark is closed
for a commercial sh**t.
We'll let you know as soon as
we get things back open again.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
♪♪
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
It's Karen!
I want in your waterpark right now!
The park's closed, they're
filming a commercial.
I wanna speak to your...
[REVERBERATES]: manager!
- [PEOPLE SCREAM]
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
PIPI: Good. Good.
And now, Larry David, you come
up with the pee in your mouth.
And then you just, you just
spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow.
[RETCHES]
- [RANDY YELLING]
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
There you are! What's going on?
You wanna tell me what
the f*ck is going on?!
Scusi, who let you in?
I let myself in because
it's a free country
and I'll stand where I f*cking want!
Get him out of here!
Don't you f*cking touch me!
Don't any of you f*cking touch me!
Okay, we obviously have a bit
of a Karen here, let's, uh...
You can call me Karen
all you f*cking want!
m*therf*cker!
Why don't you tell everyone
what you've been doing?!
[IN DISTANCE]: I want to
speak to someone in charge! No!
No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge!
- What's going on up there?
- You don't even know
what the f*ck you're doing!
Do you?!
- [CLATTERING]
- Hello? Who's there?
Who's there? g*dd*mn it,
I-I'm the f*ckin' lifeguard.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[GRUNTS]
Whoa.
No, you-you all need to get a life!
I'm not wasted, you're wasted!
Okay, fine, if you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the police.
f*ckin' do it!
f*cking call the police!
Bring 'em right here!
Why don't you go back
to your own f*cking country?!
- Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, whoa.
Tom, it looks like after
several days of nothing,
a new Karen video has finally
appeared on the Internet.
A livestream caught
Karen spewing the usual
entitled hateful bullshit,
and more and more viewers are tuning in!
You probably don't even have
a f*cking green card, do you?!
Okay. Please leave, okay?
No! You leave! I'm an American!
I pay taxes!
- Okay, please-please leave.
- No! You're a piece of sh*t
who started the
streaming wars on purpose
to-to cause the drought!
Okay-okay, that's it.
Everybody, we're sorry
for the disturbance.
Yeah, and then you pay
celebrities to get people
to invest in your dumb sh*t
'cause you know it's f*cking dumb!
Somebody get this
Karen out of my face-y!
[DISTANT ROARING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[ROARING]
Oh, you f*cked now, Karen.
Oh, look out! ManBearPig!
[ROARING]
TOLKIEN: Dad? Dad!
Dad, you're okay!
Tolkien? Tolkien!
♪♪
♪♪
Where did you come from?!
We were busted out by our new friend.
It's okay, you can come out.
Chuck Chuck.
What the f*ck is that thing?
I think I can explain it all.
You see, for Pipi's plan to work,
he needed to control climate change.
And the only way to control
anything, is by f*cking its mom.
But what Pipi didn't count on,
was that a child will stop at nothing
to find out who is f*cking their mom.
Chuck Chuck.
See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh.
[GROWLING]
Whoa, whoa. Hold on a
minute, ManBearBitchie.
We have a great team, no?
- [ROARING]
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
You no wanna hurt Pipi. Look
at everything we've done!
[ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
[ROARING]
[GASPING]
[ROARING]
[PIPI GASPING]
[ROARS]
I give you half of the company, huh?!
What do you say, ManBearBitchie?!
We can own the only streaming
service in the world together!
- [ROARING]
- [SCREAMING]
[SQUEAKS]
[SQUEAKING]
- It's over. We did it!
- We did it, Dad!
Randy. Thank you so much.
Randy? What are you staring at?
Oh, here we go again.
No, wait.
Mr... Mr. Marsh?
My eyes are up... Dude!
How to get saltwater to
the desalinization plant.
Saltwater... saline.
Saline in the plant.
Saline implant! Holy f*ck!
[CHEERING]
Today we try for a new beginning.
You know, in police work,
we don't always get it right.
I wanted a deck in my hands
so bad that I didn't care
whose deck it was.
But I'm happy to be standing here now
with our new test subject.
Thank you. I just want
to say to my mom...
Mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't always
be the son that you need.
Because right now you need
a son that can stay firm
and teach you a lesson.
But unfortunately,
duty calls. I'm ready.
Okay, hit it.
[GURGLING]
♪♪
Okay, it works. Bring in the rest!
♪♪
[GURGLING]
[GURGLING]
We got Matt Damon to tell every woman
with fake tits to be brave!
Look at all of them.
It's working!
[CHEERING]
Hey, everybody! Look!
ManBearPig is leaving with
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.
[ROARS]
Chuck Chuck!
Hey, wait.
If that little thing
is gonna be climate change someday,
shouldn't we, like... k*ll it?
I think what we should do
is try to reach out to it,
see what it needs and see if it can
be different from its father.
Yeah, but that all sounds really hard.
We have enough water for
the summer now. f*ck it.
Let's smoke some weed!
[CHEERING]
♪♪
[CHEERING CONTINUES]