01x06 - Would You Wrather Get Lost?

[bunniefuu]

(computer key clicks) Hey Wrather-heads, we're in the backyard so it can only mean one thing-- Ollie farted in the house.

We don't call him FartDoctor for nothing.

Anyway, the question today is-- would you rather go all day wearing wet clothes or sticky clothes? We've got both ready to go.

Yes! You picked sticky clothes! (panting) You just said they picked sticky clothes! Oops.

Finger slipped.

I want to believe you.

I don't.

Okay, Ollie, show 'em how we do it.

Stickyman, awaaaaaayyyyyyy! - (squish) - (gasp) Whoa, I did not think that would work.

I totally did.

Never a doubt.

Operator: Thank you for calling County Hospital.

Hey, Joanne, we're good today.

Ollie?! I can see yesterday from up here! Get him down immediately.

Gotta run, Joanne.

Best to the kids.

I watch your show to see how creative you are, not to see my baby look like a bug on a windshield.

I want him off the house! Okay, I'm starting to warm up.

And I want him out of my robe! (theme song playing) Would you rather lose your phone Or give up pizza for a month Share your diary with the world Or have to eat it for your lunch Sing out of tune to your friends Or trip and fall into your crush Shave your head, paint it red Or use your dog's toothbrush We need a little Q&A Come on Wrather-heads, play along Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather do that Would you rather do that Don't matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that Ask the world Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather just dance Or would you rather just dance No matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that Ask the world! Would you rather do that? You can't keep putting Ollie in these precarious situations.

Precarious? You know the rule.

Put a dollar in the big word jar.

(scoffs) Precarious means dangerous, risky.

Risky? Now she's just making up words.

You two are older.

You're supposed to look out for him, not treat him like a prop on your show.

We don't treat him like a prop.

Just yesterday you used him as a human wrecking ball.

He doesn't even remember that.

This ends now.

If you two can't look after Ollie like decent siblings, he's off your show for good.

- What? He's like our test pilot! - We need him! Yeah! You can't do that! I can because I'm the boss.

And I will be (menacing whisper) forever.

Mom, you're right.

We're sorry.

We could do better.

Yeah, from now on, we'll look after him just like he's our brother.

He is your brother! Don't worry, we'll talk about being better siblings on our way to Kangaroo Jim's arcade.

We have some extra Kangaroo-Kash, and mama feels lucky to have such a wonderful little brother like Ollie.

Uh-huh and since he's so wonderful, why don't you take him with you to the mall? You can buy him new underwear because he ripped all of his old ones being a test pilot on your show.

I like the rips.

They give me options.

You got it.

Let's go, Cami.

Uh, you two forgetting something? Oh right, thanks.

- Your brother! - Knew that.

Fred I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock.

Family doesn't knock.

Where is everyone? They're not in my refrigerator.

Not much is.

What is my tummy in the mood for? Actually, Cooper and Cami just took Ollie underwear shopping.

I love underwear shopping.

You can probably still catch them.

Eh, the moment's passed.

You're out of orange juice, by the way.

Thanks.

Anything else I can get you? Some granola for this yogurt would be nice! It was on last week's list.

This day cannot get any worse.

Tell me about it.

First no O.

J.

, then no granola I've got this history project due, but my group is a bunch of slackers.

#CharlotteWillDoIt? They know I'm on this chain, right? Charlotte, this always happens, and you're the one who gets stuck doing all the work.

You need to tell the others to do their fair share.

It's not that easy, but whatever.

At least when I do it, I know it gets done.

And guess who took the last yogurt? Snooze, you lose, sis! What are you doing? - Showing you that it is that easy.

- (message sends) "Hi g*ng.

Charlotte's mom here.

Just a reminder, "this is a group project, so everyone should pitch in.

Cool-sies? Smiley face.

" Honey, I'm just trying to help.

They needed to know that it's time to step up.

(angry laughter) You texted from my phone! This is, like, the worst mom move ever! I thought you said this was the worst mom move ever.

It's a tie.

Look how much fun Ollie is having.

We might be the best brother and sister ever.

Mom, threatening to take him off our show.

Please.

This place is awesome! Ooh! Blue thing! Anyway, the mall closes in an hour.

Go get Ollie's underwear.

I'll meet you at Kangaroo Jim's.

- You're a peach.

- Hold it.

You're the one with the style.

You take Ollie and I'll meet you at the arcade.

Thanks for playing.

Fine.

We'll ask Ollie if he wants to go shopping with you, or have you take him shopping.

Deal.

Wait Ollie? Where did he go? I don't know.

He was right there.

- Ollie? - Ollie? (together) Ollie! Ollie! Where is he? There he is! Got ya! Ow! Sorry, I thought you were a little boy.

I can see how that wouldn't make you feel better.

We need to find security.

We can't do that! Security will call Mom, and then she'll yank Ollie from the show.

He's gotta be close by.

Let's give ourselves 15 minutes to find him.

But the mall's huge.

Wait There's gotta be some Wrather-heads here.

Maybe they can help us look for him.

Can't do that either.

Mom gets an alert on her phone when we're doing a livestream.

Right.

I know! We call Fred.

Call Fred? May I? Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Can we move past it? Past it? You can't move past the apocalypse.

Are we zombies? (cellphone rings) Oh, Cooper's video-chatting Fred.

Hi, Cooper.

- Mom? - Mom?! (together) Mom! Why are you answering Fred's phone? It's what she does now.

Buckle up.

How's Ollie? - Ollie is - Great! Just great.

He's right here.

Wait, was he reading a romance novel? He's reading, take the victory.

So, is Fred there? When is he not here? - Fred, it's your-- - (Fred laughing) You were saying? Your phone.

Fred.

We need your help.

I can't model underwear for you if I'm not with you.

Or can I? Look, we lost Ollie, so we need you to get our mom's phone away from her, then we can ask the Wrather-heads to help us find him.

Whoa.

Big ask.

I got this.

You know that weird "Would You Wrather" you've been dying to do on our show, but we won't let you because it's so disturbing it might make viewers rip out their own eyes? My "Barefoot Butterscotch Buffet"? I'm listening.

You get our mom's phone, and we'll let you ask your question on the show.

On it.

Getting the phone.

No one's texting me back.

Why won't they text me back? #Kidding, #NotMyMom, #CrazyLadyStoleMyPhone! Ladies, when things get stressful at my other house, my mom brings the peace through the art of meditation.

I'm sorry, I missed everything after "other house.

" After all the snacks I've eaten over here, it's my turn to nourish you.

Prepare yourself for some Fred Nuggets.

I'm afraid to ask what those are.

They're bits of wisdom that are good for both the body and soul.

I think it's time for you to go to your "other" house.

We're not doing this.

Wouldn't you like to go to a magical place where your daughter never screams at you, and there's not a phone to be seen? We're totally doing this.

Are you serious? #NotKidding, #ImTheBoss, hashtag (whispers) forever.

Let me just drop these babies in my butt bag, sh*t off a quick text, then you can join me in there on the floor.

My phone's in his "butt bag.

" Thanks.

Did you find him? Yeah, he's right here in my pocket.

No, I didn't find him! (phone chimes) Sweet.

Fred has Mom's phone.

-I t's go time.

- (turns on camera) Hey, Wrather-heads, we have an emergency.

Yeah, my older brother here misplaced Ollie.

So if any of you are at the Stone Valley Mall and see him, let us know right away.

FYI-- he's not holding a churro and he doesn't wear dentures.

- Thanks, Wrather-heads.

- (turns off camera) Let's meet at Kangaroo Jim's.

This time, I go right, you go left.

Separate ways.

Smart.

Cami: Cooper! I'm just very stressed! That's "FartDoctor" with an "F.

" Now with your phones safely put away, close your eyes and try to relax.

Imagine yourselves sinking into a deep, deep, deep (mumbles) sleep.

- Look alive, Fred! - (snorts) Ah! How long was I out? Not long enough.

Did you stop for a corndog? No Is that a caricature of you riding an elephant? It came with the corndog.

I can't say no to a deal! Let's just hope Ollie remembered we were coming here.

Is that a new vest? 40% off, I can't say no to a deal either.

What is wrong with us? Hi! We're looking for our brother.

He answers to Ollie.

But he prefers "FartDoctor.

" (bad Australian accent) Lots of lil' joeys hoppin' 'round here, mate.

Is he shaped like a didgeridoo or a wallaby? You're not really Australian, are you? (normal voice) Nope, I just think it's fun to say "didgeridoo.

" Hey, you guys are the "Would You Wrather" kids.

I watch your show all the time with my daughters.

Daughters like the show, huh? Any particular reason? They like your little brother.

Oh I could call security, if you want.

Oh, there's no need for security.

Just sounds like a lot of paperwork.

Well, after you find him, here is a free, unlimited boomerang fun pass.

Good for life.

- Unlimited fun? - For life? Yep.

All I ask is you plug my arcade on your show sometime.

Even better, have FartDoctor do it! (bad Australian accent) Cheers, mate! All right should I stay here, and you go find Ollie or is it better if you go find Ollie, and I stay here? I know what you're up to.

And when I get back, we're gonna have a long chat abou-- Wait This is ridiculous.

Our brother is lost in the mall, and here we are, arguing over who should go look for him.

We need to do the right thing.

One-on-one basketball! You're on! Loser leaves.

(electronic beeps) Hang in there, buddy! Cooper's coming for ya! As we continue our journey into tranquility, I give to you the art of art.

Fun fact-- I got all this stuff from my friend Art.

Now let your anger spill onto the canvas.

I want my phone.

Who knows what the group is saying about me? "Charlotte needs good grades.

" "Charlotte needs her mommy.

" "Charlotte got arrested.

" Why did you get arrested? Because I did something really, really horrible to a boy with a butt bag.

No one's getting arrested.

Let's just give Fred's no-phone policy a chance.

(cellphone rings) Oh, that could be a business call.

Can I have my phone, please? - (phone beeps) - That's a big "No can do.

" Fred Nuggets, remember? (laughing) Oh, yes.

That's so funny.

Give me my phone.

Sorry, no phones.

No exceptions.

- (phone rings again) - Oh.

Go for Fred.

Ooh, I would love to win a cruise to Alaska.

My anger is really coming out onto this canvas.

Mine, too! My home address? What's our address again? (game beeping) Yes! That's seven wins in a row.

And for the record, you're pathetic.

I'm a hockey player.

And there's something wrong with my rim! - (thud) - Ow! Security Guard: (over P.

A.

) Attention, customers.

Final announcement: The mall is closing in two minutes.

Please exit immediately.

Two minutes? Ow! We gotta go! Ollie, remember? Ooh, those sunglasses would look really good with my new vest.

And 20% off what is wrong with us?! Hopefully, Ollie's waiting for us outside! - Wait up! - What? - (electronic beeps) - (doors lock) - Ow! - Hmmph! The door's locked.

I know.

And so does my face.

It's okay.

Everyone can't be gone already.

Somebody will come by.

Didgeridoo! Dang it it is fun to say.

Cooper: I can't imagine how Ollie must feel.

Out there, alone, with nothing but his holey underwear.

What were we thinking not going to security right away? Worst big brother and sister ever.

We deserve to lose Ollie from our show.

Let's make a pact right now.

If we make it out of here alive, we need to grow up.

Ollie needs role models.

And it has to be us.

You're right.

I'll call Mom.

What do you mean by "if" we get out of here alive? (muffled) Both: Ollie! Cami: Ollie, stop! He can't hear us! (grunts) The door won't budge.

I know! I bet you could use our boomerang card to push back the latch.

But the card might break.

Then we'd lose unlimited free everything.

Would you rather lose Ollie? Cooper! I know, I know.

I'm doing it.

(door beeps) It's working! It's working! Keep going! - (door unlocks) - (card breaks) No! That better not be an old lady! Ollie! Hey, guys.

How's it going? Ollie! We've been worried sick.

Save it, your breath smells like corndog.

Where did you run off to? Security.

Nice new vest.

You must be the brother and sister.

Why didn't you guys come to security? Cami said there'd be lots of paperwork.

Well, now that I know Ollie is safe, let your mom know she doesn't need to return my call.

You called our mom? What kind of security guard calls a lost kid's mom?! I added a rayon lavender shirt to the shopping list.

Not easy to find, by the way.

Fred, we realize that you've just been trying to relax us, and we'd like to help you.

Me? I'm as relaxed as day-old lettuce.

But a little more de-stressing couldn't hurt.

We'd like you to join us in something that we do to relax.

The peaceful art of knitting.

Well, that sounds like another calming, phone-free activity.

I'm in.

Wonderful.

Now hold out your hands so we can prep the yarn.

This is fun.

The fun's just beginning.

- (shrieks) - (thud) Uh, I'm not feeling very de-stressed right now.

Charlotte, I'm sorry for texting from your phone.

I overstepped.

No, I'm sorry.

You were right, I should let other people help me.

Sometimes, they do have good ideas.

Like this.

Thanks.

It's a Jenna Nugget.

That's not a thing! Here is yours.

Thank you very much.

Huh.

My group actually started pitching in.

Thanks, Mom.

Huh, a dozen missed calls and one message.

Fred? You're on the floor, tied up, wearing my mother's robe? It sounds so negative when you say it.

That was mall security.

Why did they have Ollie? (beep) Operator: Thank you for calling County Hospital.

Hey, Joanne.

Please stand by.

It was my fault.

I jumped in the fountain for nickels.

You did?! (together, softly) He did? And where were you guys? They were telling me to stop! Uh, yeah, we were.

We were like, "Stop, Ollie, stop.

" Simple but firm.

Well, thanks, you two.

Ollie, I'm disappointed.

Then again, I just tied up a neighbor child, so we all have our bad days.

It's Fred, we get it.

Well, off to bed.

Hey.

Thanks, buddy.

You saved us.

I saved myself.

I love being on your show.

We couldn't do it without you.

No, you couldn't.

Hey, Wrather-heads.

I suppose you're wondering why I'm here.

Let's just say, promises were made and you got the Fred-man.

So, here's today's big question: Would you rather eat a foot of butternut squash Or eat a butterscotch sundae with your foot? Come on, people.

The sooner you vote, the sooner I go away.

There we go.

Mmm.

No, no, no.

Not in my house.

Go home, Fred.

Where are my other children? Actual children! I meant actual.

I love you, too, other Mom.

Cooper: This is awesome! Ollie: I told you guys! Getting dizzy, break time.

Now, let's go get your underwear, Ollie.

Ollie? Ollie?! (together) Security!