01x39 - A Man's Pride

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Honeymooners". Aired: October 1, 1955 – September 22, 1956.
One of the most beloved sitcoms in TV history that follows the lives of New York City bus driver Ralph, his wife Alice, Ralph's best friend Ed and Ed's wife Trixie as they get involved with various schemes.
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01x39 - A Man's Pride

Post by bunniefuu »

Look, Norton, will
you make this quick?

I wanna go home.

I'll make it quick,
I'll make it quick.

I just wanna go in
and say...

Hey, who was the guy that waved
to you in the lobby out there?

Oh, that guy.
That was Bill Davis.

I never did like that guy,
ever since I knew him.

I haven't seen him
since we were kids.

You don't like
him, huh?

No, I don't like him.

Well, you sure gave
him a fast brush.

Well, he's one of those
loudmouths, you know.

Always telling
how good he's doing.

If he's doing great, he'll never
let you hear the end of it.

And ten to one,
if he's doing good,

he'd get the news
to Alice.


When we were kids,
the both of us

courted Alice
at the same time.

Oh, I see.
Well, come on,
will you?

It's getting late,
I wanna get home.

All right, all right.

I just wanna go in and
see Slugger Simpson.

I mean, after all,
he was nice enough

to give us the tickets
to the fight.

How would he feel if
I didn't go in there

and congratulate him?

Congratulate him?

How can you
congratulate a guy

that got knocked out
in the first round?

You wouldn't talk that way
if you seen him fight

three weeks ago down
there at Ridgewood.

He was fighting McHenry.

Oh, boy, he was
bobbing and weaving.

Giving the old
one, two.

I'm telling you, he
threw so many punches

that McHenry thought he
was fighting an octopus.

Oh, I'm telling you, he was
a different man that night.

He won, huh?

No, but he didn't get
knocked out till
the second round.

Will you please go in?

All right, I'll go in
there, say hello to him

instead of waiting.
I'll be right out.

All right, make it
as short as the fight.

All right.

Hey, Ralph!
Boy, this is luck.

After I lost you
in the crowd,

I figured I'd never
see you again.

Hiya, Bill.

You see, the reason
I had to run down here

was my friend was anxious
to see one of the fighters

that was on
the card tonight.

Well, uh, certainly is
nice seeing you again.

Oh, nice to see you, Ralph,
after all these years.

Tell me, how's Alice?

Oh, she's fine, fine.

You know, in the old days,

if anybody would've said
that you and I

would be shaking hands
and talking friendly,

we would've thought
they were crazy.

Yeah, we had
a lot of fights.

We certainly did.

But we're grown up now.

Yes, sir, we certainly
had some beauts!

Yes, sir,
we had some beauts!

What are you
laughing at?

I was just thinking

of the thing I wrote
in your autograph book.

Boy, you were sore
about that.

Today it's something
to laugh at.

What thing in my
autograph book?

Uh... "Some kids are small,
some kids are tall,

"Fatso Kramden is the only
kid who walks down the hall

wall to wall!"

( guffawing )

Ah, funny, isn't it, huh?!

Very funny.

Yes, sir.
Hiya, Ralph.

Told you I wouldn't
keep you waiting.

Oh, Norton, this is Bill Davis,
this is my friend, Ed Norton.

Hey, slip me five so
I know you're alive.


Glad to know ya.
Glad to know ya.

Well, uh, how are you doing?

Oh, great,
couldn't be better.

You know,
I moved to Chicago.

Got my own
manufacturing business.

My headquarters' in Chicago,
my plants are in Akron.

I'm figuring on opening
a branch office in New York,

so my wife and I took
a business trip.

Say, how about you, Ralph?

Ho, I'm doing great.

What's your line?

Transportation business.


Yes, Gotham Bus Company.

Well, what do you do?

Oh, I run things.

Say, that's quite
a company.

And you run things?

Oh, yeah, he's in
the driver's seat.

Well, I'm real glad to hear
how well you're doing, Ralph.

I'd sure love
to see it for myself.

Hey, suppose I come over

and you show me around
the place tomorrow?

Oh, tomorrow?

Well, I'm not gonna be there

I'm very busy
doing some outside work.

Well, I don't want
to take away from your work.

You break for lunch,
don't you? How about then?

Well, I'm not gonna be around
for lunch.

I have some important meetings
around lunchtime.

Take up all my time.

Well, I'm an early riser.

I'll be there the first thing
in the morning.

8:00? 8:30?

Oh, no. Right around that time,
I have most of my appointments.

Yeah, yeah, he sees
loads of people

between 8:00 and
9:00 in the morning.

( clears throat )

Ah, too bad I'm flying back
tomorrow evening,

or we could've made it
for another day.

Oh, you're flying back
tomorrow night, huh?

Yes, it is a shame.
I would've liked

to have taken you over
and showed you my office,

taken you around the place.

Gee, swell, where you
located, Ralph?

Oh, down on 9th
and 48th Street.

Tomorrow I'll stop in
for a minute and see
your set-up.

Oh, you can't do that;
I won't be there.

Oh, don't worry about it.
You're the boss.

Leave word
with your secretary

to have one of your employees
show me around.

I'll be there at 6:00.

Wait a minute, uh...
Wait a minute.

Don't come at 6:00.
Uh, come around 6:30,

and I'll come back
from whatever I'm doing

and I'll show you around

Oh, Ralph, I don't want
to put you to any trouble.


Trouble's his
middle name.

Yeah. It's no trouble at all.

You just be there at 6:30,
and I'll take you around.

Okay, it's a date.

I'll be there at 6:30
at your office.

Okay, pal.
Nice meeting you,
Mr. Norton.

And I'm sure glad
I ran into you, Ralph.

Yeah. Me, too.
So long.

( clears throat )

Well, uh, general,
what is your plan?

Don't worry,
I got it figured out.

That's why I told him
6:30 instead of 6:00.

At 6:00 Mr. Monahan and
all the office help go home.

Now, I gotta take a chance
and make believe

that Mr. Monahan's office
is my office.

He'll be home, he'll never
know the difference.

Uh-huh. Well, what happens

if Billy boy asks one
of the bus drivers

where Mr. Kramden's
office is?

That will not happen.

There's only one way
to get into the building,

that's the main entrance.

You will be down
at the main entrance.

As soon as he comes in,
you bring him right up
to my office...

I mean, Monahan's office,
and he'll think it's my office.

And incidentally, when you
finish work tomorrow,
put on a suit.

I'll have to wear a suit, too.
Yeah, sure.

I'll be glad to help
out any way I can.

But I don't understand.

Why do you have to make out
you're such a big sh*t?

I had to, Norton.
I just had to.

You see, when we were kids,

both of us were courting
Alice at the same time.

Both of us promised her
the moon.

Well, I don't want him to think
that he made it and I didn't.

Just for Alice's sake.

Oh, I see.
You and your pride.

You got a nice job,
you're happy in your work,

and just because he's
a rival of yours,

you gotta be pretending
that you're something
you ain't.

Boy, I'm telling you...

I bumped into a guy
a couple of months ago

that Trixie was wild about.

You know, used to
go around together.

I didn't put on
any airs, you know.

When he asked me what I did,
I told him I was a sewer worker.

I didn't try to make
no impressions.

I didn't care
what he thought.

What did he do?

He was a garbage

Hello, this is Mr. Monahan.

May I speak to my wife,
please? Thank you.

Hello, dear.

Yes, I find
I'm going to be detained

at the office
for a little while.

Yes, I do realize
it's after 6:00.

Well, I can't
promise you, but I...

well, I expect
I'll be leaving here...

oh, between 6:30 and 7:00.

Well, I'm sorry, dear,
but I just couldn't help it.

All right, dear,
then I'll call you

when I'm just about ready
to leave.

Thank you, bye-bye.

Come on, Norton.
Step into my office.

Well, there it is.

Well, so far your luck is
holding out, Ralphie boy.

Don't worry, I knew
what I was doing.

When 6:00 comes, boom,
home they go.

Well, when Davis comes up here,

he's gotta think that I'm the
head of the whole bus company.

Now, listen, R.K.,
now, just listen to
me for a minute.

When I bring him
up here, remember,
you are the president

of the Gotham Bus
Company, not a driver.

So don't give yourself
away by yelling,

"Step to the rear
of the office."

Just go downstairs
and bring him up

as soon as he gets here, and
I'll be right behind the desk.




Well, what are
you doing here?

( stammering )

What are you doing
behind my desk?

Listen, listen, come,
come, Kramden, now.

What's the explanation
for this?

Oh, well, you see, I come up
to talk to you

about a little business,

and I was looking at your chair,
and I thought I'd sit down

and see how it
feels to be boss.

Well, from now on,

let's see if you can
possibly avoid

playing kowtow
to your whimsy.

Yes, sir.

Now, what was it you
wanted to see me about?

Want to see you about?

Uh... oh, um, do you think
that you could arrange

for a promotion for me
to, uh, like dispatcher

or something like that?

Kramden, you know you've been
around here long enough

to know that Mr. Muller has
complete say

over those promotions.

Yes, sir.

( phone ringing )

Now, if there's any other
suggestion or anything...

Yes? Mr. Monahan.

Hello? Oh, yes, Riley,
yes, I'll be right down.

Now be sure you have
everything set up.

Yes. I can only
spare you ten minutes.

All right, right.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, if there's
nothing else... Kramden.

No, there's
nothing else. Bye.

Good night.

Ahem. Right this way, sir.

Mr. Davis to see you,
Mr. Kramden.

Hello, Bill.
How are you?

( chortling )

Ralph, this is a very
impressive-looking place

you've got here.

Thank you very much.

Boy, what an office.

Well, I'm glad you had
the chance to see it.

Now let's get going.

Go? I just came here.

Well, I don't want you
to miss your plane.

Oh, if that's what
you're worrying about,

forget it.
I got plenty of time.

Well, let's sit around
and talk.

Wait a minute.

Look, I forgot
to tell you this.

After I made
the appointment with you,

you see, I found out that
I had a lot of work to do

and I gotta
do it right away.

Oh, relax, Ralph, will you?

You know, I've seen a
lot of big executives

like you burn
yourselves out.

Take my advice
and slow down.

Yeah, I'll start tomorrow.
Now, can we...

No, nothing doing,
nothing doing.

You're starting
right now.

You and I are gonna have
a nice, leisurely chat

about old times.

And I guarantee you,
before long,

say, in about a half hour or so,

you'll feel like a new man.

A half hour?
But I haven't got a half hour.

I have an appointment
with Mr. Monahan in ten minutes.


Ralph, you're all wound up.

Why don't you call
this Monahan character

and cancel your appointment?

I can't call up.

You see, the phones
are all shut off.

I gotta hand it to you, Ralph.

I never dreamed
that you'd ever be the head

of an operation like this.

And you sure did it fast.

Yeah, practically

Ahem. Excuse me for
interrupting, R.K.,

but it's 20 minutes
to Monahan.

20 minutes to 7:00!

Yes, I'm very sorry,

but I just have to get
to my work now.

Well, if you've got to,
you've got to.

Hey, uh, maybe the next time
I come to town

we can get together
with the wives.

Well, that'd be fine.

I'll get in touch
with you.

Thank you very much.

Say, uh, what's the phone
number here?

Oh, well, don't call me here.
Call me at home.

Oh, sure, all right.
What's your home number?

Uh... it's an unlisted number.

I can never think
of that number.

Oh, yes!
Bensonhurst 60098.

Can I always get you there?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Trixie the maid
is always there.

Well, thank you very much.

Now, will you show Mr. Davis
down to the street?

Oh, okay, Ralph.

I'll be seeing you,

and I'll send you
something the first
thing I...

Yes, thank you.
Thank you.

( sighs )


What are you
doing in here?!

You're right!

You're absolutely right.

Muller's the man to tell
me about the promotion.

Oh, Alice!

What is it, Trix?


Oh, gee, I can't come now,
I'm just starting supper.



Yes, it is.

Who? Bill Davis?

Well, when did you
get into town?

No. Ralph didn't tell me.

Oh, you saw him again
this afternoon?

No, he's not home yet.

Well, this certainly is
a surprise.

Well, what are you doing
in town?

When am I gonna get a chance
to see you and meet your wife?

Oh. Well, I'm sorry
your flight was canceled,

but I'm glad it'll give
us a chance to get together.

Yeah, you want to come
over here? To our house.

Well, if you'd rather not, sure,
that would be wonderful.

Yeah, I know Ralph
will be delighted, sure.

That'll give us
plenty of time.

All right, we'll meet you in
the Colonnade Room at 9:30.

Oh, I'm really looking
forward to seeing you, Bill.

All right. Bye-bye.

Take it away, Trix.


Hi, sweetie.

Oh, hiya, Ralph.

I just talked
to Bill Davis.

You talked to who?

Bill Davis on the phone.

You did?

Yeah. How come
you didn't tell me

you met him at the
fights last night?

Well, when I got home,
you was asleep,

and this morning when
I got up, I forgot about it.

Uh... He didn't
say anything, did he?

Well, just that he saw
you at the bus company
this afternoon. Why?

Oh, nothing. Nothing.

Gee, he must surely
be doing well, Ralph.

Well, he says he is, yes.

He invited us to
have dinner with him
tonight with his wife.

That's impossible.

He's flying
to Chicago tonight.

No, he's not. The airlines
just canceled his flight.

And he's so glad that
they canceled it, Ralph,

because it'll give us all
a chance to get together.

Wait till I tell you where
we're gonna have dinner.

The Colonnade Room.

We are not going.

Why not?

Because we're not,
that's why.

You know what kind of a place
that Colonnade is, don't you?

Well, Ralph, I've heard
about it for years.

It's supposed
to be a very fine,
exclusive restaurant.

Is that so? Well, that shows
how much you know about it.

It just so happens

that it's the most expensive
restaurant in the whole world.

What do you think
it costs to eat there?

If it costs a cent, it must
cost three dollars a person.

Ralph, Bill invited us.

He doesn't expect you
to pay for anything.

Besides, he was down
at the bus company.

He knows you're
a bus driver.

I'm not going.

Now, listen, Ralph.

Bill was nice enough
to invite us,

and I accepted
his invitation,
so we have to go.

Besides, we never get a chance
to go to a place like that.

And we haven't danced
together in years.

You wanna go dancing?

Tonight I'll take you
to the Hong Kong Gardens.

Dance all you want.

Oh, Ralph!
You can even have

those sweet and sour lichi nuts
that you like.

I'll go the whole
route tonight.

Listen, Ralph, this
is a lot of nonsense.

You can't give me
one good reason

why we shouldn't have dinner
with Bill and his wife.

I can't?
I'll give you a reason.

The food at the Colonnade
is no good, that's why.

How can you say that?

How can I say it?

Name me one truck driver
who eats there.


( mocking laugh )

Well, how about
a little, uh...

game of pool
tonight, R.K.?

A little game of pool?

That is,
if you're not tied up

in a board
of directors meeting?

I'm in dire
trouble, Norton.

Davis called her.

Called her up.

He called her
up today.

Uh-oh. Oh, you mean,
you mean,

she knows
about the boss's office?

I don't know, but she's
sure to find out.

He invited us to dinner.

He's gonna take his
wife, Alice and me,

we're all going to dinner.
It's sure to come up.

Now, I gotta have some
excuse for not going.

Now, come on.
Gimme some excuse.

Something to say.
Anything. Anything.

Wait a minute,
I'm thinking.

The wheels are turning.

Now wait a minute.
Now, wait, wait, wait.


I got it.

Tell him you got a new job.

That you're captain
of the Ile de France

and the ship is sailing
in 20 minutes.

What good is that
gonna do me?!

Well, you asked
for anything!

If that isn't anything,
I don't know what is.

Anybody to ask you for
an idea must be an idiot.

Come on, Norton.
Gimme an idea.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Will you stop getting
in such a stew?

Don't worry about it.
When you're together,

don't talk about business.
Get off the subject.

Talk about something else.
Don't talk about business.

That's right.

He told me I shouldn't
talk about business.

I should forget
business and relax.

I'll burn myself out.
That's it.

Well, every time he starts
to talk about business,

I'll remind him that
we're out on pleasure

and I don't want
to talk about business.

I'm certainly glad
I thought of that.

All right.

Now, listen, let this
be a lesson to you.

I mean, all the time when
you start to show off,

it gets bigger and bigger
and it grows and grows

like a chain reaction.

I mean, you got out of it
easy this time,

but you may not be
so lucky next time.

I know it, Norton.
I know it.

Me and my silly pride.

I promise you this,
Norton: I'm gonna learn.

I'm gonna learn
from here on in

how to swallow my pride.

Well, that ought not
to be too hard.

You've learned how
to swallow everything else.

Get out!

Mm, that was a
delicious dinner.

I don't know when I've
had a better steak.

Would anyone care
for any dessert?

No, thank you.
No, thanks.

I've been putting on
a little weight lately.

Would you like
some coffee or demitasse?

Uh, coffee.


And you, sir?

Uh, I don't want either.

I'll have a small cup
of black coffee.

Funny, funny!

Oh, Bill, I'm so glad
you asked us out tonight.

It's been such
a wonderful evening.

Believe me, your old man can
stand an evening like this.

I got an idea
this afternoon

of how hard
he works.

Uh, look,
now, please.

I asked you not to talk
about business.

We're all here
on pleasure.

Let's not mix it up.

That's a good rule
to stick to.

I'm telling you,
Alice, I've seen men

who take their

but Ralph has got
them all b*at.

I know, he certainly
does work hard.

I can tell from the
few minutes I spent
at the bus company.

Uh, what do you say
that we go in

and have a little dance
in the other room, huh?

Will you excuse us?

I may never get
this chance again.

( chuckling )

( humming )

You know, it was
certainly nice

of Ralph to invite
us here tonight.

Well, uh, I've got something
to confess to you, Millie, uh...

I invited them.

You invited them?

But this dinner has
to cost at least $40.

We can't afford it.

Whatever made
you invite them?

Well, Ralph and I went
to school together,

and I, uh, I didn't want him
to know I wasn't doing good,

so I said I had
my own company.

Factories in Akron,
headquarters in Chicago.

Well, anyway, I did it.

Well why couldn't
you tell him

you're an
assistant plumber?

Aw, I guess it was
my foolish pride.

Oh, Bill!

Now what are you gonna do
when the check comes?

Look, Ralph is the head
of a bus company.

This is his town.

He's not gonna let me
pay the check.

Well, I don't know.

Listen to me,
will you, Millie?

A big sh*t like him has
probably got a charge account

in every one
of these restaurants.

Oh, I feel terrible
about this.

Well, look. Look, I'll
tell you what you do.

Now, the only thing to do
is make a gesture like
you wanna pay the bill.

All right, honey,
I will.

I'll ask for the check
like I wanna pay for it.

But believe me, after
seeing the place he runs,

I'm sure money means
nothing to Ralph.

Now, listen, I don't
ever want you

to do anything
like this again.

Yeah, I promise.

( humming )

I can do those fox trots,

but when it gets to mamba
music or samba music, I'm out.

Oh! Mamba samba.

Well, come on,
Bill, let's go.

Oh, excuse us.
Oh, waiter,

bring me the check.

Very good, sir.

Aren't they a nice
couple, Ralph?

Yeah, they certainly are.

I gotta admit, success
certainly didn't spoil him.

No, and you know
what's so wonderful

is seeing a
successful person

stay so plain
and unaffected.

You know, tonight's
gonna cost him a
pretty penny, Ralph.

Well, what does
he care?

He's loaded.
He don't care.

You know, a guy like him,
an executive,

they can charge all
of their stuff off, you know,

on entertainment
or something.

The government
allows them that.

But, Ralph, the next
time they come to town,

we've got to have
them out to the house.

Oh, no.
I mean, who knows

when they'll come out
this way again.

I'll tell you
what I'll do.

Just as sort of
a nice gesture,

I'll make believe
I want to pay the bill.

Oh, Ralph!

It's nothing.

You know, I'll just say,
"Please, let me pay the bill."

I'll feel better
that way.

Oh, no, Ralph.

Don't worry about it.

Oh, it's tough to mamba
on a full stomach.

Yes. It certainly is.

There's your check, sir.

You know... you know,
when I first met Bill,

he wouldn't sit
out one dance.

Oh, the check.
I'll take it.

Now, wait a minute, Bill.

I insist that I pay
the check.

Okay, Ralph.

( swallows )

I got a confession to make.

If my wife Alice has
told me this once,

she's told me
a thousand times.

That I shouldn't try
to be somebody I'm not.

I can't afford
to pay this check.

I'm not the boss
of the Gotham Bus Company,

I'm just a bus driver.

That office I had you in today
belongs to Monahan.

He's my boss.

I'm sorry. It's just another
case of my silly pride.

Oh, Ralph. You couldn't
have done a thing like that.

I don't know
what to say.

Bill, you'd better
say something.

Oh, Ralph, I haven't got
any company in Chicago.

I'm an assistant plumber.

We didn't...
We didn't come here by plane.

We came by bus.

I can't afford to pay
the check either.

( all laugh )

You're an assistant plumber!

You're a bus driver!

Oh, baby!

Well, I got 16 bucks!

Well, I got 12!

And here's nine!

Put it in the pot, there!

I know I've
got seven.
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