01x04 - Lucy Misplaces $2,000

[bunniefuu]

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

The Lucy Show is
brought to you by

Jell-O Pudding & Pie Filling,

the creamy, easy answer
to "What's for dessert?"

Lucy, is lunch ready?

Yeah, sit down, dear.

Why are we eating way over here?

I figure if we're
going on a diet,

the farther we are
from the refrigerator

the better.

A dab of cottage cheese,
one slice of tomato,

and a half of a
hard-boiled egg...

Now that's lunch?

Now, Viv, it's 157 calories

and that's all we're
allowed to have.

Who said so?

The bathroom scales.

Don't you want to say
good-bye to ugly fat?

Right now, I'm gonna
go out in the kitchen

and say hello to some
macaroni and cheese!

Okay, eat your
macaroni and cheese,

but just remember how you
look in your knit suit from the rear.

What are you doing?

This is all we get
until dinnertime.

I don't want to waste any.

Hello, Mr. Connors.

Hi! Hello, Harry.

How are ya?

I picked up your
mail when I got mine.

Oh, thank you. And
I brought you a treat.

I was in town and, when I
went by Friehofer's Bakery,

of course I thought of you two.

Friehofer's! What'd
you bring us, Harry?

What is it? Wait till you see...

Never mind. We don't
want to know. Why?

We're on a diet.

A real, "for sure" diet,

or one of your

"Next week we really
gotta go on a diet" diets.

I'll have you know
we've been dieting

since early this morning.

Congratulations!

That's the longest
you've ever gone.

Well, we really mean
it this time. Yeah?

You want a cup of coffee, Harry?

Thanks. A bill.

Bill.

Occupant.

Bill. Occupant.

Look at the dull mail I get.

Oh, here's a letter from
Mr. Barnsdahl at the bank.

He finally caught on

to sending me my
monthly check early.

Thanks. Mm-hmm.

Oh, dear.

It's only a letter
from Mr. Barnsdahl.

Of all the nerve!

Just listen to this... What?

"My dear Mrs. Carmichael:

"Our Miss Thomas has informed me

"that your checking
account is overdrawn

"by the sum of $2.15.

"As executor of your
late husband's estate,

"it is my duty to keep a close
personal watch on your finances.

"Will you please come
in and straighten this out

at your earliest convenience?"

I'll go in and straighten him
out at my earliest convenience!

Our Miss Thomas!

You know what probably happened?

She made a mistake

and she's trying
to blame it on me.

And what do you think
you're doing, Harry?

I'm eating the coffee
cake you didn't want.

Well, you should at
least have the decency

not to eat it in front of us.

Look at it, Lucy.

It's got gooey icing, and...

and it's got toasted almonds

and strawberry
jam in the middle.

Now come on, girl,
what about it? Huh?

How about that? Huh?

Well, maybe it won't hurt us

to have just one, thin,
sniggley little piece.

Yeah. Harry!

I've got to save you from
your plump little selves.

Good afternoon, Mr. Barnsdahl.

Oh, Mrs. Carmichael

How nice to see you again.

I came by as you
suggested in your letter,

"to straighten things out."

Good.

In fact, I could hardly
wait to come by,

because it just so happens
that this time it is not my fault.

It's the bank's.

So, ha-ha-ha!

Mrs. Carmichael, my bank
does not make mistakes,

so "ha-ha-ha" to you!

It also happens

that I went over my check
stubs just this morning,

and there's not a single error.

So you can take your
"ha-ha-ha" and put it in your vault!

Mrs. Carmichael...?

Yes?

On this stub here you
have a balance of $42.

Then you made an entry of $15,

which you added to your balance

to make $57. Yes.

Your addition is perfect.

Thank you.

However, when we write a check,

we do not add to our
balance... We subtract.

How could you have
made such a mistake?

Well, to tell
you the truth, I...

I don't like subtraction.

Deposits you add...

Withdrawals you subtract.

Now,

I suggest you get a blackboard

and write that on it 100 times.

Mr. Barnsdahl,

consider my checking
account closed!

And I'm also withdrawing the $20

in my Christmas Club!

Very well.

Miss Thomas?

Miss Thomas.

Will you please close out

Mrs. Carmichael's
Christmas Club?

Yes, I know it's
not Christmas yet,

but it is for us!

Just close the account.

And that's that. That's that.

Except for the small matter

of $2.15 you're overdrawn.

Oh, talk about
your pound of flesh!

Two dollars...

and fifteen cents!

Miss Thomas will
bring you your check.

Good day, Mrs. Carmichael.

Is that all you have to say?

Merry Christmas!

Hi! Hi.

Did you give Barnsdahl
a piece of your mind?

Not only that.

What are you doing
with a box of candy?

Oh, they were having
a sale at the drugstore.

Two pounds for the price of one.

What happened to
"Good-bye to Ugly Fat?"

Oh, uh...

I thought I'd give our
hips a going away present.

Mrs. Carmichael?

Yes?

Here's your
Christmas Club check.

Thank you, Miss Thomas.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to take this $20

and spend it for
something foolish.

Oh!

What's the matter, Lucy?

This check is
made out for $2,000!

2,000...

dollars?

I think "Our Miss Thomas"

has made a mistake
on the machine.

$2,000!

And he said his bank
never made a mistake!

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna cash this check

and wave that
money under his nose

and then I'm going to say:

"I thought your bank
never made a mistake".

That'll show him!

Uh, uh...

good afternoon.

Then what are you going to do?

Well, then when Mr. Barnsdahl
falls off his swivel chair,

I'll give him the money back

and I'll graciously
accept his apology.

My, that's a nasty
little scheme.

He who "ha-ha-ha's"
last, "ha-ha-ha's" best!

Did they cash it?
Why shouldn't they?

It was their check. Look!

Oh, look at all
those $500 bills!

Isn't that a beautiful sight!

Doesn't President
McKinley have a lovely smile!

I'd smile too

if I were backed up
against a $500 bill!

Oh, uh, Miss Thomas.

Yes?

I'd like to see
Mr. Barnsdahl, please.

I'm sorry, he's tied up
in a meeting just now.

When will he be "untied"?

I really can't say.

Oh, come on, Lucy.

We'll do our shopping
and come back here later.

All right.

Oh, Viv... Huh?

Viv, I can't go
running all around town

with $2,000 that
doesn't belong to me.

I better wait in the bank.

You're right, honey.

Let's see... It's 3:00.

I'll meet you back here
in 30 minutes, huh? Yeah.

Okay.

♪ ♪

What are you doing?

Look, I've got
$2,000 in the house

and it isn't mine!

I'm not taking any chances.

Are we gonna stay on the lam

until the bank opens Monday?

No, just until we can
find a safe hiding place

for this money.

Now what'll we do with it?

Spending it is out, huh?

Now where can we hide it

that a burglar would
never think of looking?

How about that candy?

That's a good idea.
Let's have some candy

while we're thinking
of a place to hide it.

Viv, I mean hide the
money under the candy.

Oh, if I were a burglar
that's the first place I'd look.

Yeah, you would.

Get me the money.

Why can't you get it?

Look, I'd trust you with $2,000,

but not with two
pounds of chocolate.

Get the money.

Okay.

There! Mmm.

Now what are you
gonna do with the box?

Yeah, what am I
gonna do with the box?

You scared me.

You scared me to death!

There.

My, you're clever.

Thank you.

Vivian?

Yes, I'll be right up.

Hey, Mom, can I have 50 cents
for the carnival this afternoon?

Yes, honey.

It's out there in the
kitchen in my purse.

Yeah, that passing's
coming along great, Jerry.

Now, just remember,

you start with the ball
right under your ear

and you sh**t it past your face.

You got that? Yeah.

Try her.

Hey, watch this, Sherm.

What are you eating? Nothing.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

I smell chocolate.

Where'd you get the candy?

Promise you won't tell?

Cross my heart.

I found it where
our moms hid it.

I thought they were on a diet!

So did I...

Hey, you sure they were
hiding chocolate, Sherm?

Sure, I saw my
mom eating a piece.

Yeah?

Boy, a whole box!

Why, those chubby little sneaks!

Not too many or they'll notice.

Here, give me that box.

You wouldn't rat
on us, would you?

Unh-unh, I'm going
to give you a present.

Take this to the carnival
and treat your friends.

But what will our moms say?

They'll thank you for it.

That doesn't sound like my mom.

That doesn't sound
like mine, either.

But who cares?

Well, let's go to the carnival.

Good-bye, Mom! Good-bye, Mom!

I don't think they can
hear you over the vacuum.

I'll say good-bye for you.

Good-bye! Bye!

Hey, good pass.

Well, where is she?!

Where's Mrs. Carmichael?!

Hi, Mr. Barnsdahl.

Oh, Connors, it's you.

Well, where is she?!

Well, simmer, I'll get her.

Lucy?

Hey, Lucy!

In all my days as a banker,

I never ran across
anybody like her.

She is unique, isn't she.

Lucy!

If I get my hands on her,

she may go to prison for years!

Well, hi, Harry.

How are ya? Oh, hi!

Oh, Mr. Barnsdahl.

Now, Mrs. Carmichael, I'm
going to come right to the point.

I've been up all night trying
to trace a $2,000 shortage.

Really?

And I've traced it to you.

Oh, well, now, if
there was a shortage,

that means there was a mistake

and I thought your bank
never made mistakes.

May I point out to you
that cashing a $2,000 check

with $20 in your
account is a felony.

Well, now, I had no intention
of keeping the money,

so it is not a felony.

I merely wanted to wave
the money under your nose

to prove that you and your
precious bank were human.

We're human, now,
may I have the $2,000?

Not until you say,
"I made a mistake".

Oh, Mrs. Carmichael!

Oh, come on now, say it.

"I made a mistake".

I made a mistake.

Now, that wasn't
so hard, was it?

Now, will you wave the
money under my nose,

so that I can go home
and get some sleep?!

Gladly.

There.

Now, Mrs. Carmichael,
I'm not interested in reading.

I'd like the money.

This is supposed
to be a box of candy.

I'm not interested
in sweets, either.

I don't understand.

We put the money
in a box of candy.

And we put it in
this book jacket.

Oh, no!

Maybe you got the wrong book.

Come on, let's look over here.

Oh, no...

Oh, no!

What's with you and "Oh, no?"

I gave the candy to the
kids to take to the carnival.

Oh, no!

Harry!

Well, let's not stand here,
let's go to the carnival!

Get to the carnival!
Hurry up! Go!

Hurry up! Hurry!

Oh, Harry! I didn't know!

Sherman, are you sure
you threw that candy box

off of the Ferris wheel?

I'm positive.

I found it! I found it!

Oh, Jerry!

Oh, the bills blew away.

Oh, nice try, Jerr.

Well, what do we do
now, Mrs. Carmichael?

Well, just all got to hunt

until we find those
four $500 bills.

Now, fan out, group!

Come on, Jerry!

Look good now, children!

Lucy, it's...

What? Come here.

On the end of his stick.

He had a $500 bill;
he put it in the bag.

I'll get it. No, wait a minute.

This may take a little finesse.

I'll do it.

Excuse me, sir.

Yeah, what is it, Mac?

Uh...

How'd you like to sell
me your bag of trash?

I-I don't think you heard me.

How'd you like to sell
me your bag of trash?

How'd you like to
find a quiet corner

and sleep it off?

Look, this is a pure
business proposition.

I'd like to buy the trash.

Yeah, what are
you, off your rocker?

No, I'd just like
to buy the trash.

What are you, some
kind of new nut?

I'll give you a buck
and a half for it!

Why are you making a big deal?

Pardon me, but, uh,

wo-would you move
down about, uh... that far?

I'm sorry to bother you,

but would you reach
that paper for me, please?

Come on, Grandma,
buy me a hot dog.

No, no, you've had
enough to eat, Katie.

Oh, go on and buy your
granddaughter a hot dog.

She looks undernourished.

I love you, Grandma.

Well, I love you, too, Katie.

Now can I have a hot dog?

Absolutely not.

Lucy, I found one of
those "you know what's."

Come with me, I need your help!

I can't. Why not?

I found one, too.

Where is it?

Where?

There?!

Oh, dear!

Katie, when are you
going to stop that sobbing?

Right now!

Give me back my purse.

Not until I buy a hot dog.

Attagirl, Katie!

Give me back my purse!

Catch me!

Oh, Katie, really!

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right,
but she sure wiped

the smile off McKinley's face.

Come on, let's go
get the one I found.

Why didn't you
bring it with you?

I couldn't. Why not?

An elephant is standing on it.

An elephant?!! Yes, come on!

Come on, here she is.

It's only me again.

Oh, dear! See, Lucy,

there it is under her foot.

Well, all we got to
do is get her to move.

Oh, fine!

Did you ever try to
move an elephant?

Well, just get her to
lift her leg for a second.

How are you gonna do that?

Now, would you
mind lifting your leg,

just for a second, please?

Pull, push it, get it up, Lucy!

Pick it up! Pull it up!

Pull it up!

Oh, I can't!

She won't move. I'll help you.

I'll help you,
come on, pick it up.

She's sitting on me!

Lucy, that won't
work, that won't work.

Listen, maybe if I talk
to her she'll cooperate.

Okay.

Uh... Uh...

Now, hear this.

Now, hear this.

You are standing on
something that belongs to me.

Please, lift your foot, please!

Lucy, she can't hear
through her nose!

Her ear is up here.

Oh!

Uh...

Pardon me, but
if you lift your foot,

I promise to vote Republican.

She said no! How
do you like that?

We got the only elephant in
the world that's a Democrat.

Let's see now.

She was in a carnival.

Maybe she knows tricks.

Okay, what are you gonna do?

Would you like to
shake hands with me?

Would you like...
She almost did!

Would you like to shake hands?

Would you like to shake hands?

Try "shake a leg!"

Try "shake a leg".

Oh, dear.

What would make
an elephant move?

Another elephant.

That's right, they
follow each other.

What are you going to do?

They follow each other!

Uh... Uh, Jumbo?

Come on, Jumbo, yeah, Jumbo!

Come on Jumbo, come on!

Come on, Jumbo, come on!

Come on, Jumbo!

She's not moving.

Look, I'll, uh, I'll... Please!

I'll pull and you push.

Push her hard!

Push?! From where?

I'm gonna push...
From back there!

Where would you push from?

Lucy! Push!

Will you please come
forward, whoever you are!

You're a pesky pachyderm!

Will you come forward, please?!

Viv, push harder!

If you don't like the
way I push an elephant,

you come back here and push!

Viv, you really should
give up that knit suit.

Luce!

What happened to you?!

That nut wouldn't
sell me his trash

so I had to wrestle him for it.

Oh, but you got
it. I got it, though.

And I got one.

Oh, boy, and I got one!

Come on, help us push
this elephant, will you, Harry?

Right.

Why are we pushing an elephant?

Harry, the one I found
is under there, see?

Oh, oh, there!

Yeah, we gotta push.
Come on, there we go!

Come on, all three of us.

Will you move, you nut!

Oh, Mr. Barnsdahl!

Where have you been?

Well, I've got one.

I got it under a woman's shoe.

It was stuck with gum.

How did you get so wet?

Did you ever try to take off

a woman's shoe in
the Tunnel of Love?!

Oh, Mr. Barnsdahl. Oh, good.

We got all the
money! All the money!

Yeah, here's mine.

That's three of them.
Where's the fourth?

Well, where is it?

Well, Mr. Barnsdahl,

it's under the elephant's foot.

Oh!

How am I going to get
that from out under her foot?

Well, maybe you should take her

for a ride in the
Tunnel of Love!

♪ ♪

Hi.

Have you seen Sherman and Jerry?

What's the matter?

I just baked a pie with
Jell-O lemon pie filling,

and here's all that's left.

After all the candy
they ate at the carnival,

how could they
eat that much pie?

Well, you know how
delicious a Jell-O lemon pie is,

with that lively tart
and sweet taste.

That's true.

Look, honey, why don't
you make another one?

It's so easy.

Here.

I just bought more
Jell-O pie filling.

Maybe I better make
two pies this time.

Good idea.

Darn those kids.

I have a hunch this pie was
the best one I ever made.

Oh, it was.

I mean, uh, one piece of it was.

The Lucy Show
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the creamy, easy answer
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