- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud House
♪ In the Loud House
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud House
- Poo-poo.
[rock music]
♪
- Come on, Lori.
This is a lot of laundry!
I don't think it's worth it.
- Do you want a ride
to the comic book store or not?
- [sighs]Fine.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where are you going?
Those are just my jeggings.
Let me get the rest.
Wore this yesterday.
Wore that Tuesday.
Whoops! That definitely
needs to be washed.
- Lori's the only loud kid
with a driver's license,
which means that,
in this house...
there's no such thing
as a free ride.
- In exchange for transporting
me to the planetarium,
I've done
your calculus homework.
Next time I would appreciate
a challenge.
- Thanks for the ride
to the cemetery.
I finished your poem
for your ten week-iversary.
It's called "Bobby."
- Let's here it.
- [clears throat]
"Bobby, I thought
you were a stalker
"when you left brownies
in my locker.
Bobby"--
- Hey, big sis!
I found your missing retainer
in the garbage
and there was some perfectly
good gum stuck to it.
- So where do you
need a ride to?
- Ride? I just like digging
in the trash.
- Thank you, thank you,
and thank ew!
See, Lincoln?
These guys respect
our arrangement.
Oh, and here are
my dirty gym clothes too.
[boat horn blows]
And don't forget--I like the
lavender-scented dryer sheets.
[crash]
- Sorry, Leni!
[yelps]
What are you doing
with all this stuff?
- I need a ride to the mall,
so Lori told me to make her bed,
which is weird,
'cause I'm pretty sure
she already has one.
- Wait. Why are you
doing chores for Lori?
Aren't you old enough
to drive yourself to the mall?
- Yeah, but I failed
the driving test times.
Everyone's given up
on teaching me.
Dad's still mad
about the "fire hydrant
paperboy, nun" incident.
- [screaming]
- Should I leave a note?
- [sobs]
- What if I teach you
to drive?
- Wow!
You have your license?
- Well, no, but I do
have a crazy high score
on "Total Turbo XXII,"
the world's
"awesomest" racing video game.
- Fun!
Wait.
Are there nuns in it?
- Nonethat I know of.
[giggles]
If I can help Leni
get her license,
she'll drive us anywhere,
and Lori will have
to wash her own jeggings.
- Wow! It's just like
a real spinny thingy.
- Technically,
it's called a "steering wheel."
So you ready
to get started?
- Wait!
I need my special
driving outfit!
[upbeat electronic music]
- Great.
So can we get start--
- Wait!
I need my special
driving smoothie!
[slurps]
It's a soy, pumpkin,
cookie-crumble cream.
It's seasonal!
- Great.
So now can we--
- Wait!
- What is it now?
- Aren't you gonna open
the door for me?
[slurps]
- [sighs]
Click, creak.
- What a gentlemen.
[electronic music]
- Okay, all you have to do
is keep the steering wheel
straight, and you'll--
- Like that?
- Um, let's try again.
Just keep the wheel straight.
Okay, one more time.
The road is straight,
so keep the wheel straight.
[tires screech]
Leni, you have
to stay on the road!
- But what's the point?
We're not going anywhere fun!
- Sure we are!
We're going to, uh, the mall!
- [gasps]
Why didn't you say so?
- Game on!
[engine revving]
- Whoa! Go, Leni!
[beeping]
- Move it, slowpoke!
Mama needs a new driving dress!
[electronic music]
- That was incredible!
- Out of my way, granny!
- Easy there,
Fast and Furious.
- But I have to get
to the mall!
- The mall can wait.
You've got a driving test
to pass.
[rock music]
Go, Leni, go!
Go, Leni, go!
Wait!
The bus stop is that way!
Go, Leni, go!
Go, Leni, go!
- Did you pass?
- No, she did not.
She did, however, refuse to obey
the speed limit,
fail to use her turn signals,
and she redirected
the test vehicle
toward the mall,
where she proceeded
to hip-check
and tackle Mrs. Jelinski!
- [muffled shouting]
- It's not fair!
When I did all that
in the game, I won!
You guys need
to get your rules straight!
[siren wailing]
- [sighs]
- Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.
That's your plan--
teaching Leni to drive?
She can't even
drive a lawn mower.
- [screams]
Make it stop!
[screams]
- Trust me, you're gonna fail--
you and Leni both.
Now, where's Lynn?
She owes me a pedicure.
- This isn't over yet.
Hey, Leni.
What are you doing?
- Going back
to making Lori's bed.
- Nice craftsmanship!
But you can't give up
on driving.
It was my fault
you didn't pass the test.
- Maybe I'm just not meant
to be behind the spinny thingy.
You know?
- No!
See, my video-game approach
was all wrong.
Let me try
a different method.
Okay, lesson one--
preparing to drive.
- Ah, you're teaching Lenny
to drive?
Score! Can I help?
I'm sick of sanding
Lori's calluses.
Ugh, barf.
- Thanks, Lynn!
- Me too.
[both scream]
- I can't write another poem
for Bobby.
I've run out of words
that rhyme with "babe."
- [chuckles nervously]
Thanks, Lucy.
- I can help!
I can help!
- Me, me, me, me!
- I can be of assistance.
- All right, guys.
We need to set it up
like a real car.
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks, guys!
Luna's bass drum is the brake.
And Luan's whoopee cushion
is the accelerator.
[imitated flatulence]
- "Accelerator"?
Don't you mean "gas"?
[giggles]
Get it?
- This golf club's
the gear shift.
The wreath
is the steering wheel.
Car horn, turn signal...
and, oh, these keys
are, well, the keys.
Got all that?
- Sure.
all: Great!
- Okay, first, fasten
your seat belt.
- That was easy.
- Next, check your mirrors.
- Why?
Do I look bad?
- No, no, no, no.
I meant--
- Stop the car!
I can't drive
in this hideous condition!
[all groan]
That's better!
- [sighs]
Lesson --
avoiding road hazards.
There's a squirrel in the road.
What do you do?
- [imitates squirrel
chattering]
- [screams]
- Use your turn signal.
[beats drum]
No, that's the brake.
[imitated flatulence]
No, that's the gas.
[slap lands]
No, that's my face!
This, this is the turn signal!
- Oh, you mean
the blinky-blink?
- The blinky-blink?
- Yeah, it's right by
the spinny thingy.
- The spinny--
[gasps]
That's the problem!
I haven't been
speaking Leni.
- There's a country
named after me?
- No, I mean I haven't been
using words you understand.
Let me try again.
Use the blinky-blink.
Good!
Now turn left.
I mean turn
to your good side.
Now we're getting somewhere!
Hey, crew, we're gonna need
some new car parts.
- [squeals]
- This is brake pedal.
What does
the brake pedal do?
White shoes after Labor Day!
- Ew, stop!
- Exactly.
- I "gas" you won't
be needing this.
[imitated flatulence]
[giggles]
- [growls]
- This is the gas pedal.
What does the gas pedal do?
Boots from the ' s.
- Go-go!
- Yes!
Leni, I think you're ready
for the next level.
Remember
what we practiced, Leni.
- Go-go boot!
[engine revs]
White shoe!
[squirrel chips]
[sighs]
Go-go boot!
- Whoa!
- Watch out!
- Good side!
- She's doing it!
Yeah, nice job, Leni!
- I'm doing it!
- Ugh!
Stupid jeggings.
[gasps, yelps]
Where is everybody?
Lynn? I'm still waiting
on that pedicure!
[kids cheering in the distance]
I'm not giving up the car keys
that easily.
- Night, Leni!
You're gonna do
great tomorrow!
- Night, Lincoln!
Night, Lori!
- [snoring]
- Click.
- Got it!
- Never check your mirrors.
Always comment on your
driving instructor's weight.
In America, we drive
on the left side
of the road.
- Ah!
There you are.
Don't you need a ride
to the comic book store?
And lavender sheets--
don't forget.
- No, thanks.
I'll think I'll wait
for Leni to get back
from taking her driving test,
with her new license.
- [scoffs]
She's not gonna pass!
Now, get to washing.
- Actually, I'm pretty sure
she will pass.
- No, she won't,
because I made sure of it.
- Wait. What?
- Nothing!
- Uh, no, you don't!
So help me, Lori,
I will shrink your favorite
Bobby sweater in the dryer
if you don't tell me what you--
- Stop!
Fine.
[sighs]
I might have sabotaged Leni
by giving her
bad driving instructions
while she slept,
but it's just because
if Leni can drive,
my room will never be clean,
and no one will ever need me
for anything ever again.
- Are you crazy, woman?
What if your bad driving
instructions make Leni crash?
What if she gets hurt?
- I didn't think of that.
We got to get to the DMV!
[tires screech]
- Oh, thank goodness
she's okay.
- And maybe she passed!
- No, she did not!
She did, however, drive
on the wrong side of the road,
neglected to check her mirrors,
and commented on the driving
instructor's weight!
- Well, that makes .
Guess I'll have
to drive a lawn mower forever.
- Look, Leni,
it wasn't your fault.
- Yes, it was.
You worked so hard
to help me pass.
You even learned
to speak Leni...
which I still can't believe
there's a country
named after me.
[sighs]
I blew it.
I was just thinking
about all the fun places
I would drive us to--
the mall, the comic book store,
the mall.
I'm sorry I let you down.
- I can't take it anymore!
It was my fault!
I sabotaged your test.
- Sabo-tage?
- It's like she went and bought
the dress she knew you wanted.
- [gasps]
How could you?
- I'm really sorry, Leni.
But I know how
to make it up to you!
- You'll buy me the dress!
- It was really nice of you
to help Leni practice
for her next test.
- It's the least I could do.
- Is this the car-pool lane?
[epic music]
♪
- [slurping]
Ah, Friday night.
You survived
another week of school.
Now it's time to kick back,
forget your troubles,
and cr*ck open
a brand-new video game.
[sniffs]
Love that new-game smell.
[sniffs]
Wait a minute.
[sniffs]
Is that--
Oh, no!
- Sniff, sniff.
- Mom's expensive perfume,
which can only mean one thing...
date night...
which can only mean
one other thing.
- Lori's in charge!
Do as she says! Bye!
- No!
[engine turning over,
tires squeal]
She gets a sick thrill
from bossing us around.
In this house,
we call her the Queen of--
- No!
No music!
No mud pies.
No--
- Way!
That's totes cray-cray.
- No phone calls!
- And no video games!
[militaristic music]
♪
[whistle blows]
At ease.
Just kidding! Nobody is
to be at ease in my presence!
As you know,
Mom and Dad left me in charge.
That means you have
to do as I say,
whether you're tall, short,
or covered in fur
and can only understand
the word "sit."
Now, here is our schedule
for this evening.
: to : --sitting on beds
with arms folded.
: to : --chow.
: to : --
thorough cleaning of mess hall.
: --staring at wall
until falling asleep.
Everyone got that?
all: Ma'am, yes, ma'am!
- Sir, yes, sir!
- Dismissed!
- Hey, Geo,
want a snack, boy?
[thud]
[thud]
[stomach gurgles]
- Leni, what are you doing?
- I'm not Leni.
I'm wearing a scarf.
- You've got five minutes
to do your business.
- This better be good.
You know how much trouble
we'll be in if Lori finds out
we're not in our rooms?
- "Rooms"?
More like prison cells!
Every time Lori's left
in charge,
she makes our lives miserable.
Well, I say no more!
It's time to take back
our Friday nights!
Luna, do you like it when Lori
unplugs your amp mid-jam?
- It's way harsh.
- And, Lana,
how about when Lori throws out
your mud pies?
- I work hard on those.
- And, Lily,
what about when Lori
won't let you run
around naked?
- [blows raspberry]
- Then let's do something
about it!
all: Yeah!
[guitar chord blares]
- [giggles]
Hiya.
- Lily, what are you--
[floorboards creak]
[screams]
Hey!
What is going on?
- Your power trip is over!
We're taking back
our Friday nights.
- Power trip?
- Just admit it.
You get a sick thrill
out of bossing us around.
[all agreeing]
- You think I enjoy this?
Unfortunately, I'm the only one
who can keep this house
from ending up
in a pile of rubble!
It's not like
any of you could do it.
- Yuh-huh, Lincoln could.
- I could?
all: We're thinkin' Lincoln!
We're thinkin' Lincoln!
- Lincoln in charge?
Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff
to the litter box.
- [purrs and meows]
[plop]
- Oh, yeah?
Challenge accepted!
Take her away.
- You won't last five minutes!
[laughing maniacally]
- Lola, guard this door.
No one goes in.
No one comes out.
Say good-bye
to the Queen of No...
and hello
to the King of Yes!
[all cheering]
[guitar music]
- Yes to music!
Yes to mud!
- Seriously?
- Yes to phone calls!
- And yes to video games.
- Super Mega Brawlers
Turbo Fighter !
Round one, fight!
[girl screams, crash]
- [giggles]
- Aah! Spider!
- Ha. Okay, have fun.
- [screams]
- [giggles]
- Just don't get too crazy.
[guitar blares]
Rad sounds!
Maybe not so loud!
♪
[video game sound effects]
[smoke alarm blaring]
[yelps]
[rock music]
What was that?
- It's science.
You wouldn't understand.
Aah!
- Just keep it on a leash.
[crash]
♪
- [squeals, babbling]
- [yelps]
Lily!
Stop!
- [giggles]
- [sighs]
Lana!
You can't fish in there.
Those are pets
- [squeals]
Lynn, what are you doing?
- Can't ride a dirt bike
without dirt.
- Give me that bucket!
[all giggling]
Hmm.
[whistling]
- Hi, exterminator guy!
Do you do spiders?
Ew!
What about water snakes?
- [giggles]
- Lucy, what are you doing
with all those diapers?
- [screams]
- Incoming.
- [yelps]
[whistling]
Diaper wall breach!
- [giggles]
- For those about to rock!
- Luna!
No!
[guitar chord blares]
- Lincoln in charge?
[echoing] Ha! He couldn't lead
Cliff to the litter box.
[plop]
- [meows]
- Oh, really, Cliff?
[kettle whistling]
- No guitar playing!
No food fights!
No dirt bikes!
And no science experiments!
[expl*si*n]
- Who do you think
you are...
Lori?[laughs]
- No, I'm not--
Lori!
- Hey!
No one goes in!
No one comes out!
Boss' orders!
- Those were my orders!
Let me in!
- I'm gonna need you
to step back, sir.
- Sorry about this, Lola.
[screams]
[smack]
[dog barks]
- Uh, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, Lincoln.
Anyone else?
I didn't think so!
- [grunts]
Geo!
Want a treat, boy?
They're in my back pocket.
Come on!
Get 'em!
Little more.
- [chomps]
- Yow! Too far.
Good boy.
[grunts]
Lori! Lori!
- Ha! I knew you wouldn't last
five minutes.
- It's only been five minutes?
It's a mad house down there!
You got to help me!
- Nah, I'm thinkin' Lincoln.
You handle it.
- I can't! You're the only one
who can keep this house
from ending up
in a pile of rubble...
[fireworks whistling]
Or ashes.
- And?
- I couldn't lead Cliff
to the litter box.
- And?
- I'm sorry.
- That's all I needed to hear.
Let's roll.
- I don't know
how to get past her.
She's an animal.
- Glitter!
- Glitter.
Nice.
- See what I mean?
[all giggling, engine revving,
guitar blaring]
- Observe.
[whistle blows]
Mom and Dad are gonna be home
in ten minutes!
[all shouting indistinctly]
- Brilliant.
- Yeah, you learn a few tricks
as you get older.
[cell phone rings]
Hello? Uh-huh.
Sure. Okay. Bye.
- Who was that?
- Mom and Dad.
They're gonna be home
in ten minutes.
- What are we gonna do?
- I got this.
Luna, a little clean-up music?
- You got it, sis!
One, two, three!
[whistle blows]
[rock music]
♪
Good night, Loud House!
[vehicle approaching,
brakes squeal]
- [gasps]
The wall!
[keys jingle]
Lori, catch!
- Wow! I can't believe
the house is still standing!
- What'd you expect?
Lori's in charge.
- So what are you guys up to?
- Oh, we were just about
to play a video game.
You can't say no
all the time.
- Ooh, and look at this
lovely piece of food-art
the kids made.
[video game sound effects]
- [screams]
What happened to my golf club?
- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad,
but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House
- ♪ Loud House
- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud House ♪
- ♪ Loud House
♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with kids
♪ That's the way
it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House
01x06 & 01x07 - Driving Miss Hazy/No Guts, No Glori
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.