03x06 - Pipe Dreams

[bunniefuu]

[both panting]

- Oh, somebody's in a hurry
to get to the bathroom, heh.

- I have an early
root canal at work.

- Well, I have to get
to my fish guy

before the good stuff's gone.

[both straining]

- I'll just be a minute.
- I'll be in and out.

[dramatic sting]

[all groaning]
[banging door]

- Leni! What is
taking so long?!

- Something's wrong
with this mirror!

- [sighs]

- O-M-gosh, how embarrassing!

- Don't worry about it, Leni.

- This chin hair is like
three inches long!

- Lynn, could we cut in front
of you? We're running late.

- You know the rules.
We all got to wait our turn.

Besides, I won a hot dog
eating contest yesterday

and those puppies are
barkin' to be let out.

[somber tone]

[both whimpering]

- Ugh! Why do we have
to live like this?!

- If you're in a hurry,
you should do what I do--

use the second bathroom.

- What second bathroom?

- Old Sloshie.

- Uh, no thanks!
- Oh, I'm good!

- Suit yourself.

- Wai-wai-wai-wait,
maybe she's onto something.

What if we did put in
a second bathroom?!

One that's just for us!

I mean, come on. We're adults.
We deserve it!

- Um, no, that'll never work.

The kids will
just take it over.

Remember when we got
that adjustable bed,

"just for us"?

- And liftoff!

[all cheering]

[crash]

- I'm okay!

- Yeah, you're right.

But what if they
didn't know about it?

We could build it in
the basement! Or the attic!

- Or our closet!

both: Oooooh!

- Wait. We're talking about
lying to our own children.

Do we really
wanna do that?

[toilet flushes]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

both: Yes, we do.

[light mysterious music]

♪ ♪

- Miguel and Todd are
literally so annoying.

- I feel an eerie presence.

Time to rev up my
ghost containment device!

- Ooh, you guys watching"ARRGH"?

[Giggles] Fun. But how
can you even hear it?

[music blasting]

- Mother! That's too loud!

It's aggravating my tinnitus!

[muffled music continues]

[banging]

[cement clinking]

- Hey, Dad!
- [yelps]

- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.

Just a little stiff
in the joints, haha.

Not getting any younger.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho! You just need
an adjustment. Come here.

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, I can, uh,

I can walk it off.

[straining]

Whew.

[light suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[exhales]

[metal clanking]

- Dad! It sounds like
you're getting worse--

you've got to let me help you!

- Nahhh! No, no, no, no.

I'm just dehydrated.

[gulps]

[spits]

See? Much better.

[clanking]

- [snoring]

- Hey, Lunes, let's
jam-a-lama-dingdong!

[clanging]

- [groans]

Pops, I'm trying
to catch some z's.

I got school tomorrow.

- Come on, which is
more important?

School or rock and roll?

- Well, when you put it
that way...

[jamming]

- Have you guys
lost your minds?

- Mommy, Daddy, I had
a nightmare.

I wanna sleep in your bed.

- What do we do?!
- I got this!

Oof! I'm okay.

- Let me in!
What are you doing in there?!

- Hey.
- [shrieks]

- You need to sleep in
your own bed, honey.

- How did you get out here?

And why are you
wearing that weird hat?

- Shh. It's all a dream.

- Okay, guys, let's go
through this one more time.

Sammie and Whitney, you need
to finish the plumbing hook-up

so Kevin can close up the wall.

Mike, you tie-in
to the junction box

while Karla primes
the ceiling.

Everybody good?

- I call the TV remote!
- No way!

- [screams] The kids!

- No, I called dibs
on the remote.

- Kids! Hey! What are you doing
home from school so early?

- Ask Lisa.

- Psh! One little
nuclear accident

and everybody
overreacts!

- What's going on here?

- It's our, uh, uh,
new book club.

- "The Itsy Bitsy Spider"?

What's to discuss
about a spider

who's washed down a spout
then goes back up again?

- Shhh! Lisa! Spoiler!

I can't believe we
pulled this off.

- Me neither.

[pleasant music]

♪ ♪

Ahh, no filthy bathtub ring.

No banging on the door.

This must be what
heaven's like.

- I'm doing a crossword puzzle
on the toilet

just 'cause I can.

I am so glad we did this!

- Me, too, honey.
And it's all ours.

- Come on, kids,
we're running late!

- Everybody out!
Let's go, let's go!

- Wait a minute.
Where's Lana?

- I'll get her.

- [sighs] Where'd it go?!

- Lana, what are you doing?

- I can't find my lucky
chicken bone!

- A, that's literally gross,

B, you're gonna make
everyone late.

[light suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[coughs]

- Dr. Feinstein gave us
new toothbrushes

as a bathroom-warming
present.

Wasn't that thoughtful?

- Honey! Secret-bathroom voice!

- Oh, right. Whoops!

[dramatic sting]

Lynn!
- What's wrong?!

- Look what I found
on the floor:

Lana's lucky chicken bone!

- A, that's gross.

B, it means they're on to us!

They've been sneaking in
here behind our backs!

- Fine. Our secret bathroom
may not be a secret anymore,

but it's still ours!

We'll just have to lay down
the law with them!

- Absolutely!

Sorry, guys, but you
can't use the new--

[overlapping shouts]

- On second thought...

- Yeah.

I've got a better idea:
security measures!

That'll show those
little sneaks.

[purring]

[gasps]
Rita!

Look at this!

- Must be Lynn. She's
always way too aggressive

with the roll.

But how did she get in?

- Those kids are like master
safe crackers.

What was I thinking,
just using one lock?

[banging door]
- Dad!

We're gonna be late for school!

- Uh, just a second, buddy.

Let's see 'em get past that.

[fly buzzing]

[slurps]

- Dang it!
- Lincoln!

That kid always forgets
to put the seat up.

- Let's face it, honey.
They win.

- No way!

- What else can we do?

Your security measures
obviously aren't working.

- Maybe not, but I'm
just getting started.

There is no way they
can get past this.

Surveillance camera, motion
sensor and check this out...

Lasers, Rita! Lasers!

And just in case
they do get in,

I've installed a security panel
on the inside.

- System lock engaged.

- So they won't get out.

We'll catch them with
their pants down!

So to speak.

[laughter]

- How's the water
pressure, honey?

- Great! I'm loving
waterfall mode!

- Whoops!
Forgot about my kid trap.

[blip]

Uh, hon, do you
remember the door code?

- Uh, uh-uh. You said it was
one of the kids' birthdays.

- I know, but which kid?

[blip]

"Too many password attempts.
Access blocked?"

Rita, I need your help.
I locked us in!

- What?! Hold on!

[clank]

Um, Lynn?

[suspenseful music]

- Wow, you weren't kidding
about that water pressure.

- Maybe I can pry the door
open with this toothbrush!

[grunts]

Oh, thanks for nothing,
Feinstein!

Honey, wait! Don't forget
we wired the vents!

[zap]
- [yelps]

Dang it! Forgot about
that security measure.

- What are we gonna do?

- Laurie!
- Help!

- Lisa! Help!

- What's going on?
- Help!

[stampeding]

- Mom? Pops?
- Help! We're locked in!

- What are you doing
in your closet?

- Probably just hangin'.[laughs]

- Uh, why the preponderance
of security devices?

- Never mind that!
Just get us out!

Break the door down
if you have to!

- Now you're talking!

Gangway!

For honor! [screams]

[rumbling]

[screaming]

- Why is there water
in your closet?

- Why is there a bathroom
in your closet?

- Uh, you--you didn't
know about it?

- No.
- Why would we?

- This is weird.

- Uh, care to explain?

- We didn't want to wait
in line anymore

so we built our own bathroom

and we kept it a secret
from you guys.

Which was wrong.

- Yeah, we're always telling
you kids to be patient

and wait your turn,

and here we cheated the system

and put ourselves first.

[sighs] We're really sorry.

- To make it up to you,

you guys can use
the new bathroom anytime.

- Too bad there isn't much of
a bathroom to use anymore.

- Naw, you can fix it.

You just need a new
subfloor and new tiling...

[crash]
And a total re-pipe.

- Ah, there's no money left!

I spent it all on
the security system.

[both whimper]

- Don't be sad.

You can still share
the upstairs bathroom with us.

Right, guys?

- Even if we are going back
to one bathroom,

we sure have some ding-dang
terrific kids.

[both panting]

- Fish market emergency?

- Nope.
I just really have to go.

- Hey, Pops.
- Ah, there's no time!

[groaning]

Lana!
Where's Old Sloshie?!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take
a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪