(Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
( majestic theme playing)
Hey, where's Gopher?
The way he's been
acting lately, who cares?
Oh, come on, Julie.
Just because he put a dead
chicken in with your nylons.
Oh. And you weren't sore
when he short-sheeted your bed?
No. I was with a short girl.
Gopher's just overdue
for his vacation.
He's a little, uh, stir-crazy.
A little? Yep.
Well, maybe by now,
he's got it out of his system.
(chuckles)
Oh, yeah. He's got
it out of his system.
I don't know who you are,
miss, but you've stolen my heart.
Gopher, take that
dopey thing off.
Okay.
Good morning.
GOPHER: Good morning.
Good morning, sir. Gopher.
Ahem. Sir.
This is Deputy
Captain Cunningham.
He's with another line,
but he'll be taking a
refresher course with us
prior to taking
command of his own ship.
This is Julie McCoy,
cruise director.
CUNNINGHAM: Miss
McCoy. Welcome aboard, sir.
Adam Bricker, ship's doctor.
My pleasure. Doctor.
And this is Yeoman Purser Smith,
whose upcoming vacation
could become permanent.
Sir.
That man bears watching.
Gopher, how loony can you get?
How's this?
(blowing, ship's horn blowing)
( majestic theme playing)
Hello. Hello. Welcome aboard.
Thank you. Uh,
Carter. Ginny Carter.
Carter.
Miss Carter. You're
on the Fiesta Deck.
Cabin . That's just
through the elevator...
Uh, I'm looking for
another passenger.
A Mrs. Vera Simpson. Simpson.
Simpson. She's checked in.
Uh, that's Coral Deck, .
Okay, now through
these doors... Coral, .
And down...
Maybe I should
have worn my nose.
Welcome aboard the
Princess. Enjoy your cruise.
I hope so. Just leave
it there, Douglas.
Oh, yes, ma'am. Hi.
I'm Adam Bricker, your
most ardent admirer.
All right, let's hear
your scintillating line.
Um... You'd like
to buy me a drink,
then drop down to
my cabin for a chaser,
because you're sure you
know me from somewhere.
Am I warm?
Not as warm as I am.
Will I see you later?
Not if I see you first.
Have one of the help take
care of these right away.
That's a real winner.
Oh, Miss Watwood
really is a nice girl.
She just has a few problems.
Hm. I wouldn't have guessed.
She... She was
engaged to a young man.
They were to be married
several weeks ago.
He broke the engagement
the day before the wedding.
Ah.
I'll have a little
chat with her,
straighten her out about men.
(laughs mockingly) Okay.
But do yourself a favor.
When you have
that little chat...
wear a suit of armor.
( whimsical theme playing)
(giggles)
Ma'am. Ma'am, here, let
me help you with these bags.
Oh, no, that's all right,
young man. I can manage.
You sure? I wonder
if you could tell...?
What? Oh...
Oh, ma'am. Your
camera is broken. Oh.
Oh, that's all right,
young man. Oh, gee.
It's not important. Not at all.
It... What is important, is...
Is at this stage of life,
is that there are nice, kind
young people like
you left in the world.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.
( sedate theme playing)
( slow, dramatic theme playing)
Hurry it up, Romeo.
I'm trying, fluffims. These
darn bags are heavy.
Hello. Welcome
aboard the Princess.
I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.
Eh... Maureen Buhl.
Gee, I'm sorry. Doesn't
he knock you out?
Couldn't you die for a
man who could actually
bench-press a house cat?
Hi. I'm Everett Buhl.
Hello, how do you do?
Yeah. Maureen was just joking.
Everett, the last
time I made a joke
was when I said "I
do" at our wedding.
Come on.
Heh. Don't you just
love her sense of humor?
Mm.
♪ Ten more days And
I'm off of this ship ♪
♪ Ten more days And I'm off ♪
♪ And I'll be having
The time of my life ♪
♪ Ten more days And I'm off ♪
Uh.
You're already off. Your rocker.
( jazzy theme playing)
(whistles)
Isaac. You're supposed
to be on vacation.
What happened to
the ski trip? No snow.
So I thought I'd take a
luxurious cruise instead.
Oh, brother.
Nurse, one more
over the cuckoo's nest.
He's right here on
the passenger list.
"Mr. I. Washington.
Promenade ."
Welcome aboard, Isaac.
Let's make that Mr. Washington.
Okay? Okay.
Ha.
(clears throat)
GOPHER: Ah. Mr. Washington.
You forgot your bag.
Who forgot?
Could you bring it along, kid?
( majestic theme playing)
(people chattering)
(inaudible dialogue)
( sedate theme playing)
Wally. You call this
a tequila sunrise?
I can mix a better drink with
one bottle tied behind my back.
Now, look, Isaac...
Mr. Washington.
(clears throat)
Would you like me to
make another one, sir?
Yeah. Let's try and
do it till we get it right.
Uh, let me have a
tequila sunrise, please.
You'll be sorry.
Tsk.
(sighs)
Well, hello there.
Say, I know you, don't I?
Yes, of course. You're the
guy who m*rder*d his wife.
Guilty. Heh.
Ha.
I, uh... I'm surprised
you recognized me.
You don't really look
like the soap opera type.
Oh, I've been a fan of
yours for a long time.
Well, thank you.
Imagine.
The star of All My Loves here.
I'm Julie McCoy.
Uh, Mike Adler.
Pleased to meet you.
I hate your guts.
Thanks. I needed that.
You ruined your
father's business,
m*rder*d your brother,
married his wife, and
then m*rder*d your wife.
(chuckles): Yeah.
Well, that's entertainment.
(giggles)
And furthermore, lucky lady,
of all the women on this ship,
I have just chosen you
to be my dinner
companion for the first night.
How about the
last night of my life?
Is that a no?
If it isn't, it's a good
hint that one is coming.
My...
I've seen happier
faces at a tax audit.
(sighs)
Uh, Mike Adler.
Hi. I'm Ginny Carter.
Yeah, well, I'm not having
the greatest time
in the world either.
I finally convinced my
mother to take a vacation,
and she refused to
come alone, so here I am.
Ten minutes onboard
ship, and she ditches me
for a floating gin rummy game.
Hello.
(mouths): Hi.
Well, I guess that's
mothers for you, huh?
I'm sorry. Did I say
something wrong?
No, no. It's just that...
It's not important.
Really.
Good afternoon. Hello, captain.
Good afternoon. It's
a beautiful day, isn't it?
Yes. Almost as beautiful
as that gorgeous
outfit you're wearing.
Oh, almost.
Oh, thank you. Heh.
Now, there's a man who
knows how to pay a compliment.
Now, I said your frock was nice.
"Nice" isn't "gorgeous."
It's not a frock.
And you're about as
romantic as a tree toad.
( slow, jazzy theme playing)
Hello.
I thought we might
have a little chat.
Goodbye. Is that
little enough for you?
(whistling)
(chatting indistinctly)
You know, sometimes it
helps to talk to someone.
You're a perfect stranger.
(sighs)
I have to be honest,
I'm not perfect.
You know, you're right.
I mean, about
talking to someone.
Yeah, I know.
You mentioned
your mother before.
Well, I grew up in an orphanage
and a couple of foster homes.
I never knew my mother.
I'm sorry.
So I, uh, hired a
detective agency,
and I had her tracked
down. She's on this ship.
Are you serious?
Have you seen her? No, not yet.
I... I went to her cabin,
but I chickened out
at the last minute.
I mean, all my
life I have dreamed
about finding my mother.
What she'd say to
me when I found her,
how she didn't wanna give me up.
How she wanted to keep
me, how she really loved me.
That's the dream.
The nightmare is that she
slams the door in my face.
( emotional theme playing)
( majestic theme playing)
(Morse code beeping)
A hurricane? Wait till
the captain sees this.
Sir? I think Captain Stubing
should see this
report right away.
Listen, son. You do your job,
and I'll do mine. Dismissed.
Anything you say, sir. Hm.
Oh, uh, excuse me. Um...
I seem to be lost.
Well, indeed you are.
Unless, of course,
you're looking for
the Radio Room.
Oh, no, no. I was just
looking for the Lido Deck.
Oh, that's very simple.
Uh, you take the
starboard companionway
to the Promenade Deck,
and then, uh, after the
first bulkhead, and then...
Oh, I... I'm sorry.
I-I-I don't quite follow.
Oh. never mind. Here,
let me draw you a map.
Oh, how thoughtful. Now...
Got your glasses?
Here we are here.
Now, there is the dining room,
but it's two decks below.
Now, there's the companionway
that leads to Lido Deck.
All right?
Oh. Oh, thank you.
How nice to be able to
help people in distress.
That's my job, ma'am.
I just happen to be
better at it than most.
(woman screams)
CUNNINGHAM: Whoops!
( slow, majestic theme playing)
Now, you see
that girl over there?
Well... Yeah.
What about her? She
turned me down for dinner.
Well, what do you
want me to do about it?
Take away her pool privileges?
I want you to come over
and kind of make-believe
I'm somebody important.
You know, give me
kind of a big buildup.
Why not? No sense both of us
striking out this trip.
Hey, thanks.
(people chattering)
(splash in pool)
Well, Mr. Washington, um,
how are your oil wells, sir?
Oh, still gushing.
I understand you just
bought a Renoir for , .
Yes. Those French really know
how to make fine racing cars.
(whispers): Is she listening?
Oh, she's practically
falling out of her chair.
(speaks indistinctly)
Well, my dear...
would you like to have dinner?
Oh, I'm sorry. I
have plans for dinner.
( whimsical theme playing)
How about a nightcap?
( sedate theme playing)
(piano playing)
I'd recommend the smoked salmon,
the uh, beef Wellington,
the cherries jubilee,
and a walk in the moonlight
with a handsome doctor.
You certainly give
it the old college try.
Mm-hm.
You guys are all the same.
I wouldn't say that.
Some of us are wonderful.
All right. Cabin A- .
Show up around . And
you'd better be dynamite.
No, thanks. It'd probably
take dynamite to move you.
Will the owner of the blue
Chevy, license plate ...?
What are you doing?
Did I tell you I'm
gonna go on vacation
in nine and a half days?
Really? (chuckles)
Good evening. Uh,
captain's table, please.
Oh. This way, sir.
Ooh.
Ah.
You have class. Hey.
Just don't forget and
start polishing the glasses.
Uh, Mr. Washington.
Captain Stubing, may I
present your last guest tonight,
Mr. Isaac Washington.
Good evening,
Merrill. Don't get up.
Isaac, what are you doing
here? Vacation, Merrill.
Good to see you
again, old buddy.
Hello again.
Ah. Hi.
Uh, Mr. Washington,
I understand you flew in
from Paris today
on the Concorde.
Oh, don't you just
love the Concorde?
Oh, yes. I'd say it's
the finest aircraft
I've ever owned.
Merrill... Chablis
should be chilled.
It is.
Chilled. Not frozen.
We've certainly come a long way
since that cold-water
apartment we first lived in
when we were married, huh?
A long way, hm? Hm. Yeah.
Unfortunately, it's
all been downhill.
(chuckles)
I don't understand.
I know, Everett. I know.
Excuse me. Mm-hm. Good evening.
Hello. Could you tell me
where Mrs. Simpson is sitting?
Yes. Uh...
it appears Mrs.
Simpson is dining
in her cabin this evening.
However, I would be honored
if you would dine w... W...
Um...
I'm really not hungry.
Hi. Hi.
My mother's not here tonight.
Well, mine ate in
about minutes.
I think she was afraid
the cards would get cold.
Listen, would, uh, you
like to have dinner with me?
Please. I've had the chef
prepare your favorite dish.
Oh? Actually, it's
my favorite dish,
fillet of armadillo. Ah.
Ah. Mrs. Worth, I see you
found the dining room all right.
Oh, yes.
Thanks to your little map.
(both chuckling)
Well, keep it.
There's nothing worse
than being lost at sea.
Ah. Duty calls.
I'll relieve you on
the Bridge shortly.
No hurry. Enjoy an
after-dinner brandy.
You're in good hands
with Cunningham.
(chuckling)
(grunts)
Careful. I'm an officer.
I can dig it.
You know, Cunningham
is doing an excellent job.
I'd feel comfortable
leaving the ship in his hands.
He seems capable enough. Yes.
In fact, tomorrow, when we
anchor off Cabo San Lucas,
I think I'll let him take
command of the ship,
and take a little excursion.
It's a lovely spot.
Maybe you'd like to
come with me, Adam.
I'd love to.
Oh, that sounds
like a lovely day.
Oh, that'd be terrific.
Yes, yes. Why, uh...?
Why don't we all go?
Aren't you going
to join your friend,
the captain, Mr. Washington?
Um, no, no, no. No. No. No.
I didn't come on a cruise
to mingle with the help.
(chuckles)
Oh. Oh, um, you don't
wanna lose your mad money.
Oh, no, indeed.
And more important, I
don't wanna lose my map.
( dramatic theme playing)
( sedate theme playing)
You know, I really admire
a self-made man like you.
Well, you see,
I'm in television.
And believe me, I
get my fill of phonies
and people like that.
They're always trying
to make you believe
they're something
they're not, you know?
At least you're real.
L-look, Mara, there's something
that I must confess to you.
If it's another woman, I
don't wanna know about it.
You just tell her that
I'm in the race now.
( romantic theme playing)
Ginny. Hm?
Which cabin is your mother in?
Why? Let's go in
and get this over with.
No, no. Mike, please.
I'll go with you. It'll be fine.
No, I know what you're
trying to do and I appreciate it.
But I've gotta do this alone.
Well, this is something
you can't do alone.
(sighs) Um...
did you happen to notice
that I just kissed you?
I noticed. I'm glad.
( upbeat theme playing)
MAN (over PA): Launches for Cabo
San Lucas are now ready for boarding
on the Coral Deck gangway.
You're going to
love this little island.
Believe me, it's one of the
most romantic hideaways
in the entire world.
Oh. It sounds so exciting.
Mrs. Worth. Yes?
Found you another camera.
Oh, Gopher, you shouldn't have.
Now, let me show
you how it works.
Julie? Yeah?
Will you pose for
us, please? Sure.
Okay. Now, you just
look through there
and press this button.
Oh!
Gopher, your vacation
can't come soon enough.
Shame on you.
(giggling)
Now, there's a man with
a real sense of humor.
(scoffs)
I have your launch ready, sir.
Thank you, Mr. Cunningham.
Oh, it's nothing.
My feeling exactly.
For the next few hours,
the ship is in your command.
BRICKER: Be seeing
you, Deputy Cunningham.
Make that Captain Cunningham.
( peaceful theme playing)
What's up? Here we go again.
My mother went
into Cabo San Lucas.
Well, she'll be back.
Yeah.
Ginny. What?
Let me ask you something.
Is all this worth it?
Look... you know you're from
Irish and Italian stock, right?
That you were born in the South
and from a middle class family.
But most of all, you
know you were loved.
That's really all
I have to know.
I just don't wanna
see you get hurt.
I won't.
I just have to know.
And this is the best
chance I'm ever gonna have.
Anyway... today's shot.
Not a chance.
Do you know I have
a day planned for you
that'll not only take
your mind off your troubles.
It'll get your wash whiter
and brighter as well?
But will it clean my dentures?
( peaceful theme playing)
MRS. WORTH: Oh.
What an exquisite lagoon.
Captain, it's perfect.
GOPHER: ♪ Row, row, row your
boat Gently down the stream ♪
JULIE: Gopher.
BRICKER: How'd
you find it, captain?
STUBING: I spent some time down
this way when I was in the Navy.
I was on leave
and went exploring.
All right, move it around, sir.
MAN: Here we go.
Oh. It's just like I remembered.
MRS. WORTH: Oh. Captain. Yes.
You were right.
This has to be one of the most
beautiful spots on the earth.
Yeah, and totally uninhabited.
(birds squawking)
Except for some wild
peacocks. Fantastic.
Lead on, Captain Stubing.
Uh, you're very
quiet for a change.
Uh, I was just
thinking, sir. Hm?
What a terrific
spot for a snack bar.
Here. Let... Let me
lead. I know this very well.
Look at the bougainvilleas.
Isn't this magnificent?
Of course.
Here we go. Little damp in here,
but this is the way.
JULIE: Captain
Stubing said this place
was totally uninhabited.
( ominous theme playing)
( peaceful theme playing)
(squawking)
STUBING: Ah, there's
your wild peacock up there.
MRS. WORTH: Oh. Oh.
(chuckles)
Spectacular. Look at
that. Oh, this is beautiful.
Move it along,
Gopher. Right up there.
Yeah. Look.
Now, isn't this magnificent?
Oh, wow.
Oh.
My goodness.
Oh, captain, this is paradise.
Heh-heh.
GOPHER: Where's the beach club?
I don't even know you.
Hey, look.
Who was that?
Before you get too excited,
Everett's favorite
pastime is UFO sightings.
He spends nights in the swamps
just looking for them.
I saw something. I did too.
MRS. WORTH: Something
did move in there.
( majestic theme playing)
(knock on door)
Come in.
Sir...
there's another report
about that hurricane.
It's still heading this way.
There's always a hurricane
headed somewhere, sailor.
But shouldn't we
notify Captain Stubing?
Why? What for? I'm here.
I'll handle it.
Dismissed.
(door closes)
( peaceful theme playing)
Isn't this beautiful?
MRS. WORTH: Oh, yes.
Oh, captain, this...
This island of yours
is cleansing to the soul.
KIKI: Yeah, but it's
m*rder on the hairdo.
EVERETT: Careful,
hon. This is a great day.
Thanks a lot for
bringing us here, captain.
Oh, no.
( dramatic theme playing)
The launch is gone.
MAUREEN: Oh,
what did that? A shark?
A knife. A shark with a knife?
Some madman cut this rope.
I don't see it anywhere, sir.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I don't know. But whatever it is
we're gonna do it here.
Look, there he is again.
♪ Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me ♪
♪ Happy birthday
Happy birthday ♪
Anyone remember the last line?
(laughing)
(g*n cocks)
Ha.
( upbeat theme playing)
MAN (on PA): Good afternoon.
The last launch is now
returning from Cabo San Lucas,
and the ship will
sail in minutes.
Hm. So I'm
standing there, right?
And this little old
lady comes up.
She's carrying an umbrella.
And she whacks me
with it right in the shoulder.
And she says, "I know
you, Brad Sanders.
"I know you're planning on
murdering that nice Dr. Jarrard,
and you won't get away with it."
Smacks me again and
then storms off. Unbelievable.
(laughs)
(soft music playing)
Well, I guess they're back.
That means my mother's back.
Mine too.
Well, uh, I'm as ready
as I'll ever be, I guess.
What are you gonna say?
I don't know. I'll
think of something.
Wish me luck.
Mm-mm. You don't need it.
Hi. Hey, Wally.
Hey. Getting a
little rough out there.
Yeah, I guess it
is kind of choppy.
Maybe there's a storm coming up.
Listen, I'd better check
with the Radio Room.
I'll be right back, okay? Okay.
Well, Miss Carroll.
How about a tall,
cool planter's punch?
Sounds good, but I think
I'll wait for Mr. Washington.
Why, you think Isaac can
make it better than I can?
Nothing he does
would surprise me.
The man is amazing.
A jet pilot, polo
player, racecar driver,
real estate
developer... Magician.
Magician? Well, sure.
He'd have to be to do all
that on his bartender's salary.
His what?
Of course, he probably
makes a lot more than I do,
because he's on steady.
You know, I'm
just taking his place
while he has a week off.
And then there's tips,
which you never really declare
a hundred percent
to Internal Revenue.
That liar.
Hey, everybody
does it. Excuse me.
Waiters, taxicab drivers.
When my wife had
her gallbladder out,
even the surgeon asked for cash.
( peaceful theme playing)
( menacing theme playing)
MAN: Keep walking.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
All right, folks. Come
on, let's keep walking.
Hup, two, three, four.
Keep your eye on the road ahead.
One false move,
and you'll all be dead.
Poetic for a k*ller. Yeah.
Look, maritime
law is very specific
on charges of kidnapping.
You could get life
imprisonment for this, you know.
Don't antagonize him, captain.
The blimp's right,
folks. Keep moving.
Hup, two, three,
four. Hup, two...
(Mrs. Worth whistles)
Look.
GOPHER: Kind of a
low-budget condominium.
Wow.
MRS. WORTH: Oh.
Oh, I can't believe it.
Hup, two, three, four!
Hup, two, three,
four. Oh. Oh. Oh, look.
Look at this. Hold
it there. Hold it, no.
Oh, a pond. And look.
He's got a vegetable garden.
Isn't this beautiful, Maureen?
Oh, shut up, Everett.
Don't you know we're
being kidnapped?
Yeah, but it's still beautiful.
MRS. WORTH: Oh,
there's a hammock.
(all chattering)
MAN: Can the
chatter. Can the chatter.
Everyone inside. Everyone.
(chuckles)
Inside. All right. GOPHER:
Okay, we're going.
All right. Don't
sh**t. We're going.
MRS. WORTH: My
goodness gracious.
( mysterious theme playing)
I know it doesn't
look like much...
but I did it without
a decorator.
(laughing)
(all shouting)
Push hard. Give
it a good pushing.
As hard as you can.
Oh, it's locked.
JULIE: Oh, dear.
Well, somebody better
think of something,
because I'm sure as
hell not gonna spend
more than ten minutes
in this chicken coop.
You should have
asked for the deluxe hut.
Well, perhaps if we
were all quiet as mice,
Captain Stubing
could think of a plan.
Thank you, Mrs. Worth.
(sighs)
MAN: If it'll help you,
I'll give you a hint.
I'm very gullible.
Thank you very much!
Why don't we all
charge the door?
Ah, it wouldn't do you any good.
I've got office furniture
piled up against it.
It's no good, Doc.
He's got office furniture
piled up against it.
Oh, boy. Look who's gullible.
Where would I
get office furniture
on an uninhabited island?
(chattering)
Everybody, be quiet.
Yes, sir. Let me think.
Right. Let baldy think.
( peaceful theme playing)
WOMAN: Come in.
Mrs. Simpson...
Oh, can I help you, ma'am?
Mrs. Simpson just stepped out.
No. It's all right.
(knock on door)
Enter.
Oh. Excuse me, Mr. Cunningham.
Uh, is Captain Stubing here?
Ah.
Well, he's not
back from shore yet.
Oh. Well, I was just
up to the Radio Room,
and they tell me that a
hurricane is headed this way.
The first one in years.
I'm well aware
of that, thank you.
And it's years.
Um, sir, what are
we gonna do about it?
"We?" "We" aren't
going to do anything.
I'm going to do it.
Do what?
Just who are you, anyway?
Isaac Washington,
chief bartender.
Well, then don't just stand
there. Go get me a drink.
( peaceful theme playing)
(wind howling, thunder rumbling)
What's he doing?
He's just sitting in his
hammock, lighting his pipe.
(sighs)
I always admired a
man who smoked a pipe.
When I smoked a
pipe, you said that it...
made you sick.
Not "it."
"You."
(sighs)
He looks bored.
That makes two of us.
Kiki, you add an
entirely new dimension
to the word "boring."
You ought to know.
You wrote the book.
Now... we've gotta
get down to the beach
and light a signal fire that
will be seen by our ship.
Sir...
how do you know
the ship is still there?
How do you know it
hasn't moved on without us?
And how about this
man, Cunningham?
How well do you know him?
Is he trustworthy?
Did you leave the
keys in the ignition?
All these are questions
that have to be answered.
The only question that
has to be answered is,
When did your brains fall out?
Look, maybe we can lure
him into opening the door.
That's a good idea.
We'll use one of the ladies.
Someone... seductive.
Uh... Oh.
Captain, uh, would
you like me to try?
Oh, sure. Farrah Fawcett minor.
All right. Everybody
listen to me.
Mr. Buhl, Doc and I
will stand on either
side of the door.
Gopher, uh, you will
climb to the ceiling
and lurk there, waiting to drop.
What a stupid plan.
Pardon me. Do you have another?
No.
Well, then, why don't
you do us all a favor
and stop flapping your lips?
All right. Everybody...
take your places.
All right?
Can he get up there?
STUBING: Faster, Gopher.
All right.
Miss McCoy. Hm?
It's all yours.
Yes, sir.
( sexy theme playing)
Yoo-hoo!
Mr. Man.
"Mr. Man?"
Well, I don't know
his name, sir.
David P. Carruthers.
But you can call
me babycakes. Heh.
By the way, the one I
really think is seductive
is the little old lady.
(laughing)
(mouths): Me?
That, uh, young skinny one
doesn't do a thing for me.
Oh, what kind of a
dumb plan is this?
He knows about it.
It's worth a try.
Are you game...
Mrs. Worth?
Why not?
Seductive. Heh.
( seductive theme playing)
Mr. Babycakes.
Guess what? What?
I'm naked in here.
Really?
Can the others see you?
No. They... They're asleep.
Really?
That's right. They're exhausted.
(laughing)
Isn't this fun? You
see how gullible I am?
He's disappeared.
He must be right
outside the door.
(whispers): Call
him, Mrs. Worth.
Get ready, everybody.
Mr. Babycakes.
Where are you?
(bleating)
Now! (grunts)
Peekaboo.
(laughing)
What is the matter
with you people?
Don't you know you're
dealing with a man with a g*n?
Now, what are you
bullying a goat for?
Why don't you wise up
and ask me why I captured you?
All right. Why did
you capture us?
Because I've lived here
all by myself for years.
And I've been happy as a
clam, except for one thing.
Never, ever in my
whole life have I had
a surprise birthday party.
Tsk.
You kidnapped us so you
could have a birthday party?
A surprise birthday party.
(chuckles)
Listen to me. You've got to
allow us to signal our ship.
Not till after the party.
I want a cake, some presents
and Butter Brickle ice cream.
Also, funny hats.
Uh, this is out of the question.
Okay. Forget the funny hats.
But... there's one more thing.
It's my main present...
and I... I-I really,
really want it.
A set of TinkerToys.
Excuse me. Excuse me, doctor.
Uh... Uh, look, Mr. Carruthers.
I have the most wonderful idea
for your birthday
party. (chuckling)
Oh, yeah?
If it's, uh, Pin the
Tail on the Donkey,
I'm fresh out of
pins and tails. Heh.
Uh, would an iguana
do for a donkey?
Oh, no, no.
See, my idea is to
hold your birthday
party on the ship. Hm.
Why?
Well, w... Why not?
I mean, i-it has everything.
Look, look, let me show you.
Now, this... This is a map that
the deputy captain drew for me.
Now, look, there's the,
uh, Coral Dining Room,
the Acapulco Lounge,
the Pirate's Cove,
the Lido Deck... The hurricane.
The what? Where?
Heading this way.
This is the official weather
forecast for this region.
There's a hurricane
due. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, boy. That
changes everything.
Well, I'm glad to see
that you're a sensible man.
Yeah. We've gotta
hold that party indoors.
MAN (on PA): Due
to inclement weather,
today's jackpot bingo
game has been moved
from the Lido Deck
to the Starlight Lounge.
Two out of three.
(knock on door)
Enter.
Mr. Cunningham.
Captain Stubing's
launch hasn't returned yet.
I know that.
Well... aren't you
gonna put out to sea?
We can't let that hurricane
catch us at anchor.
We have passengers onboard.
I know that Captain
Stubing would want us
to think of them first.
"Us?" Who's "us?"
If it's any of your business,
I was just about to
make my decision
when you came barging in here.
I'm sorry, sir. I was
just trying to help.
Hm.
I remember in a
similar situation once,
Captain Stubing felt
he had a better chance
of outrunning the
storm in the open sea.
Mm. He had us
underway in... five minutes.
Well, he has his
way of doing things...
I have mine.
"Five minutes."
(scoffs)
Hello, Bridge. This is
Deputy Captain Cunningham.
Weigh anchor. We
sail in seconds.
Huh? ( man
speaking indistinctly)
Oh.
(clears throat)
Very well. Five minutes.
( dramatic theme playing)
( peaceful theme playing)
(wind howling, wood clicking)
Oh, I feel so helpless.
Like there's nothing we can do.
Well, there's a lot we can do.
We can prepare
for the hurricane.
We can work on
another plan to escape.
And if... worse
comes to worse...
We can die.
I can't afford to die.
I got a vacation coming up.
We're not going to die.
What we are
gonna do is try to get
some Butter Brickle ice cream
for Mr. Carruthers.
And a set of TinkerToys.
Oh, sure. We'll just run
over to TinkerToy City
on the other side of the island.
Oh, don't despair, dear.
A rescue party may
still be sent from the ship.
STUBING: I hope not.
With the hurricane coming,
I'm sure that Deputy
Captain Cunningham
had enough sense to
head for open waters.
Better he risks
our eight lives...
than the lives of
passengers.
( peaceful theme playing)
Mara. it's me, Isaac.
Your man of the hour.
Come in.
Oh. Don't say a word.
Just stand there and let
me drink in your beauty.
"Drink." What an appropriate
word for you to use.
Say what? What's
on tap for tonight?
A game of gin?
Oh. I don't know.
Oh, we will be running
into a little rough weather.
Oh, well, in that case,
we'd better batten
down the hatch
or we could end up on the rocks.
Mara, I don't think you
should take this so lightly.
I mean, a hurricane can
be a very fearsome thing.
It's just a big wind.
I've had a lot of
experience with big winds.
The biggest of them
all: Hurricane Isaac.
What?
Mr. Washington, the
real estate operator,
the polo player,
the jet pilot...
the bartender.
Bartender?
You're a big phony, just
like all the rest of 'em.
Ah. Mara, now, look. Ha.
I was, um... Uh...
just play-acting.
(laughing): You know.
Little innocent make-believe.
Make-believe? Really? Yeah.
Well, then make-believe
this isn't a book.
Ma... Mara, wait a minute...
Make-believe this isn't real.
Wait, come on...
Make-believe that
this isn't a vase.
Come on, you're
not gonna throw that.
All right. Cut that out.
Make-believe this
isn't a vase then.
(crash)
(nervously chuckling)
Nothing to worry about,
folks. Just termites.
(exhales)
( mellow theme playing)
(wind howling, wood clicking)
Everett was right.
We're gonna die!
JULIE: Mrs. Buhl, the only chance
we have of coming through this
is to behave calmly and
to do what we have to do.
Captain, what do we have to do?
We'll shore up the
windward side of the hut.
Ride out the storm
there. It's our only chance.
Yes, sir. Dave!
Get in here!
What do you want?
Open this door!
That is an order!
Bring me your ax, your
saw, your hammers.
Whatever tools you used
to build this hut. Right now!
( dramatic theme playing)
(cutlery clattering, people
chattering indistinctly)
(plates, glasses breaking)
Mr. Cunningham.
Mr. Cunningham, we're
really getting it now.
Get on the stick. Do something.
Does marinara...
stain Dacron and
cotton polyester?
Chuck. Get word to
the rest of the crew.
Batten everything down.
Close all the bars.
Close the Acapulco
Lounge and the casino.
Drain the pool. Secure
everything that moves.
Hey, forget about him.
Do as I tell you to do,
or let's choose
sides for water polo.
Um... ladies and gentlemen.
Listen, everybody.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Hi... there.
Uh, my name is
Isaac Washington...
and I'm the...
Uh, I'm the...
I'm the chief
bartender of this ship.
I don't know if any
of you've noticed,
but we seem to have run
into a bit of bad weather.
Well, actually,
it's more than a bit,
but less than a bunch.
Okay? So, everybody,
come on. Nice and easy.
Back to your cabins.
Let's go, all right?
(people chattering)
Mr. Cunningham...
a little bleach
and it'll be as good as new.
( tense theme playing)
(wind howling, thunder crashing)
Well... everything seems to be
holding together so far.
I sure don't build 'em
like I used to. Heh! Heh.
Oh.
Oh, Mo, remember
our first place?
Every time the guy
upstairs had a shower,
we had a shower... Yes.
On the kitchen table.
You always said your
eggs were runny. Ha-ha!
(chuckles)
You know where I'm thinking
of going on my vacation?
South of France.
I'd rather go to the North.
What's the attraction
in the North?
You'd be in the South.
(laughs)
I have a whole shell full
of fresh rainwater here.
Terrific. We can wash our hair
and not leave a scaly deposit.
I'll have a drink.
(wind howling, thunder crashing)
(wood breaks)
What's that?
Sounds like a hunk
of the roof just blew off.
I think you're right.
Check it out, Mr. Smith.
Check it out? Outside
in the hurricane?
Gopher, you're not gonna melt.
Well, why don't we draw
straws or something?
Gopher, for heaven's sakes.
GOPHER: Okay, I'll check it out.
( tense theme playing)
(wood creaks)
(yelling)
STUBING: Gopher. JULIE: Argh!
BRICKER: Stop. Don't touch him.
Don't touch him.
STUBING: Let's
get the tree off him.
He's under a tree. For crying
out loud, somebody help.
Get out of the way! All right.
Come on!
(grunting)
BRICKER: Okay, get him
inside. JULIE: I got him, I got him.
BRICKER: Get him
in the hut. Careful.
Let's get him inside.
That's it. Careful.
Mr. Carruthers.
Do you know what you just did?!
Yeah. I dropped
my g*n, didn't I?
( hopeful theme playing)
(laughing)
(mouthing indistinct speech)
( slow, dramatic theme playing)
(wind howling, thunder rumbling)
He's got a hell of a concussion.
There's really nothing we
can do for him at this point.
Thank God. I think he
hasn't gone into shock.
I was so mean to him.
(sobbing): He could die.
He's not gonna die, Julie.
He's gonna be okay.
He's gonna be okay.
What a vacation.
Oh, Cheryl. Ha-ha.
Don't do that.
That tickles.
Gopher. Can you hear me?
Is that you, Jackie?
No, it's Julie.
Doc, he's talking.
Thank God he's okay.
Kate, give my regards to Farrah.
Doc, he's hallucinating.
Maybe not.
I have that same
dream sometimes.
Keep a close eye on him.
Don't worry. I will.
( somber theme playing)
Gopher.
Farrah. It is you.
Why don't you get
out of that wet T-shirt?
Miss Watwood, you're so
quiet, dear. Are you all right?
Sure. I'm terrific.
I was just thinking of sending
some postcards to my enemies.
"Having a wonderful
time. Wish you were here."
Oh. I'm sure you don't
have any enemies.
How about just leaving me alone.
All right?
All right.
Why don't you stop
feeling sorry for yourself
just long enough to think
about somebody else?
Don't worry, fluffims.
We'll get out of this okay.
Oh, who cares? What do you mean?
I mean, who cares?
What does it matter if the
hurricane kills me overnight...
or I go back to the life I have?
A slow, boring
death... day by day.
You really hate me that much?
I don't hate you.
Like I said, I just
don't care anymore.
We've enjoyed a lot of years.
We belong together.
( tender theme playing)
Maybe once.
Mo, I love you.
Those are just words, Everett.
(sobbing)
I want what every woman wants.
I wanna be held, touched...
to be swept off my feet.
I want a man. A real man.
Hey! You're looking
at a real man.
Yeah. A man... drives
other women crazy.
You, a real man?
What? You don't believe me?
(mouths): No.
How am I supposed
to believe that?
Well, maybe you ought
to check with Diana.
Diana, sure.
Diana. That was her real name.
Her professional name was...
Red Ginger, the Wham-Wham Girl.
Ba-da-boom! Ha!
I was sitting at ringside...
when she tossed
her tassel to me,
and we both knew it was kismet.
(smooches, growls playfully)
(laughs)
Ah.
One always...
remembers his first
mistress very fondly.
Your first?
How many others?
How many times did
I report seeing UFOs?
( dramatic theme playing)
Why...
you...
( sedate theme playing)
(thunder crashing, wind howling)
Hi. Hi.
You all right? Yeah. I think so.
Can I, uh, come in? Sure. Oh.
Do you believe this?
(laughing): No.
How's your mother?
Oh, she's fine. Up $ .
(laughing)
Listen here, I
told her about you,
and she had a lot
of questions. Oh?
Yeah. Do you play poker,
play pinochle or you play gin?
I think I'm gonna
like your mother.
Yeah, well, you... Oh!
(laughing) Well...
Mother Nature's not bad either.
( romantic theme playing)
( menacing theme playing)
(French accent): Pierre?
Pierre. Ha-ha!
Good to see you again, eh?
Ah, the restaurant,
it goes well, huh?
Ah, fantastique.
Sounds like he made it
to the South of France.
A little champagne
to start. But of course.
And then I think the foie gras,
the coquille St. Jacques,
et pour le dessert,
heh, soufflé au chocolat.
Get him.
This is the guy who thinks
a Big Mac is a gourmet dish.
(laughs)
Mr. Carruthers, can I
ask you a question?!
What's a good-looking
guy like me
doing in a place like
this? Heh-heh-heh!
Well, the thought
had crossed my mind.
Oh, well.
It's the usual reason:
a busted marriage.
You know what I
did after she left me?
I got a job at Disneyland. Oh.
I was Humpty Dumpty.
Humpty Dumpty?
Yeah. Every afternoon, I
dressed up like a big egg.
(laughs) You know
what finally got me?
The mice.
There was this great
big one with dumb ears.
He had on red pants,
and, uh, two great big buttons.
You know what? The
son of a g*n was the star.
Oh, no. Yeah. Can you beat that?
No. The star.
I... I said, if that's
life, you can have it.
I said, the hell with them
and the horse they rode in on.
(chuckles)
And I came right to this island.
Well, I can't say
I blame you a bit.
That's the most
compelling reason
I ever heard for
becoming a hermit.
(both laugh)
Yeah. Yeah.
Well...
it's quiet and
peaceful, uh, usually.
(chuckles)
And there's no mice to speak of.
Uh, that's at least, none
that think they're Clark Gable.
(both laugh)
But, uh, well... it
has its drawbacks.
See, I don't like cooking.
Oh. Hate it.
And, uh, you already know
how I feel about
no birthday parties.
Oh, yes. But the
island is so beautiful.
You must love it here.
Well, yeah, the days are okay.
But, um, sometimes at night...
I'd give anything for the sound
of a sympathetic human voice.
A sexy, sympathetic
female voice.
Like yours.
( romantic theme playing)
Like mine?
(chuckles)
You're one heck of a
dish, you know that?
Oh, well, maybe I
used to be, but... No.
You still are. Believe me.
Did you ever give any thought
to having a fling with a hermit?
Could you learn to love
a semi-crazy guy like me?
Oh, Mr. Carruthers.
If you... If you only knew...
how much I want
to, but... But I can't.
Oh, well, i-it, uh...
Heh. It was a dumb idea.
Oh, no, no. It wasn't
a dumb idea at all.
( menacing theme playing)
(inaudible dialogue)
(screaming)
( menacing theme playing)
Don't panic!
And everybody stay calm.
(wind howling)
These braces are still holding.
Captain Stubing.
I think we'd all feel
a little better if...
Well, would you say
a little prayer for us?
Yes. I'd like to
do that very much.
Dear Lord... nine
of your children
are very frightened
on this island.
But we know that you are with us
and watching over us
and protecting
us from this storm.
Life is your most precious gift.
And we pray that all of us
will be enjoying it
when morning comes.
Mention the party.
What?
Say something about the party.
And... And how we all
hope that everyone has a...
A-a good time,
and that I get the biggie
that I... I really, really want.
It's all right, Captain Stubing.
God won't mind.
Don't forget the TinkerToys.
(chuckles)
All right. I'll
mention the party.
But I draw the
line at TinkerToys.
Oh. That's fair.
We ask... that you bless...
Dave's birthday party.
Thanks a million.
Amen. Amen.
(laughs)
(groaning)
Doc, he's in pain.
(Italian accent):
Rosanna. Don't do that.
If he's in pain, he's
sure enjoying it.
Sophia. Sophia, of
course you can bite my ear.
That's what ears are for.
"Rosanna, Sophia."
Sounds like he got
bored with France
and took off for Italy.
Come, both of you.
We'll dance the night away.
Later...
Later...
Boy, he's got all the luck.
How come trees don't fall on me?
Thanks.
Here, let me do
that. No, I'm okay.
Yeah, sure you are. I'm okay.
I bet you make a
pretty good doctor.
Well, I haven't
lost a patient yet.
See, I usually hang a
bell around their necks.
Always the jokes, right?
Well, they help
make life bearable.
What do you do to
make life bearable?
Behave like a
spoiled brat. Yeah.
I'm good at it. I've
had a lot of practice.
Why don't you try the jokes?
You know? Change of pace.
( pensive theme playing)
I think I've gotta do something.
I think you've just started.
( hopeful theme playing)
Captain Cunningham?
Isaac Washington.
Good news?
Uh, sir. Getting the
stain out of your jacket
isn't the kind of good
news I was hoping for.
What about the captain?
Um, sir.
I think that we should
have the Mexican authorities
send a boat out
to all the uninhabited islands
around Cabo San Lucas.
Yes, sir.
I'm glad you
thought of that too.
Thank you.
(sighs)
( mellow theme playing)
I couldn't believe last night.
It felt like the ship was
gonna turn upside down.
Mm-hm.
That was some storm.
Was there a storm too?
Listen, uh...
you gonna see your
mother this morning?
No, I don't think so.
Why not?
Well, since this cruise began,
it seemed the cards were stacked
against my mother
and me ever meeting.
I don't know if there is
any such thing as fate, but...
I've got what I want now.
I don't think I'll
press my luck.
Good morning. Would
you like some company?
Well, it's my mother,
Jimmy the Greek. Ha-ha.
Hi, Mom. What happened?
Did you clean out everyone,
or did you wear out the cards?
(chuckles)
Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, G...
Ginny, this is my mother.
Hello. Mike's told me
so much about you.
Well, I haven't seen
Mike for a few days...
but I can understand why.
How could I possibly
compete with such a...?
Such a beautiful girl?
Well, how am I
supposed to compete
with a gin rummy game?
Excuse me. Here's
the bucks I owe you.
And do me a favor.
Next time you wanna
play gin, deal me out.
Okay, Mrs. Simpson?
SIMPSON: Thank you, but
you... You might win it back.
WALLY: Yeah.
Mrs. Simpson? Yes.
Oh, um, I didn't explain that.
Mike Adler is my stage name.
( quiet theme playing)
Vera Simpson? Yes, but...
Ginny, what...?
What's wrong?
I don't know.
I mean... the only thing
that's been bothering her is...
Well, see, Ginny grew
up in an orphanage,
and, uh, she hired detectives
to help her track
down her mother.
In fact, her mother's
supposed to be on this ship.
You?
Do you know where she was born?
Uh... Omaha, I think.
Oh, dear Lord.
( mellow theme playing)
(birds squawking, chirping)
Everett.
Hm?
Everett. What? Hm.
Everett, look.
Go ahead. What?
What?
Do you see what I see?
Hm.
There's a real man.
Come here.
( romantic theme playing)
It's over.
The storm is over.
(moans)
Good. (groans)
( peaceful theme playing)
Hi, nurse. Hi, doctor.
You know what?
I think he's just sleeping now.
I think you're right.
Gopher?
Gopher.
Doc?
Good morning, friend.
What happened?
How'd you like your vacation?
Must have been great.
I sure have a hangover.
You were hit by a tree.
It feels like I was
hit by a house.
Heh. That almost happened too.
You slept through most
of the fun, Mr. Smith.
(sniffles)
I always miss all
the good parties.
Gopher, I'm so glad
you're feeling better.
All those terrible
things I said to you, it...
If you hadn't gotten better,
I never would have been
able to forgive myself.
Really?
(gags)
(all laughing)
Oh.
Oh, thank goodness
you're all right.
DAVE: Ha-ha!
You're looking great.
Mr. Carruthers. Yeah?
Do you know what today is?
Uh... Monday?
Come on. What else?
I don't know.
It's your birthday! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
It's my birthday? Who told you?
(both laughing)
It's party day.
♪ It is par... ♪
Well, I'm ready
for the big surprise.
Now, let's hear it
for the birthday boy.
Happy birthday!
(both laugh)
( whimsical theme playing)
I'm just gonna go
on about my business
as though I didn't know
any of you people were here.
(Mrs. Worth laughing)
Boy, this is gonna be fun.
We've gotta get that
g*n away from him,
and then signal
for search parties.
Well, there's already a
bunch of rocks on the beach
arranged to say "help."
How did they get there?
(sighs)
When the storm died
down, I put them there.
You did?
MAUREEN: Well, while
you were up and around,
why didn't you take that
musket away from the nut?
I did. You did?
And you gave it back to him?
Sure.
There weren't any
b*ll*ts in it. Just dirt.
Dirt?
Dirt?!
Mr. Carruthers!
Mr. Carruthers!
Wherever you are, you get
yourself out here right now!
What a surprise. My birthday.
I'd forgotten all about it.
There isn't going to
be a birthday party.
Don't you know who
you're dealing with here?
(cocks g*n) A maniac with a g*n.
Sure. A g*n that
has dirt b*ll*ts in it.
Stay where you are...
or I'm gonna get you all dirty.
STUBING: As soon as
we are safely back on ship...
I am alerting the
maritime authorities.
You'll be spending the
rest of your life in prison.
Oh, come on. I didn't do
anything really bad, did I?
Hmm.
Kidnapping... piracy.
Besides those.
Look, I'll make a deal with you.
No Butter Brickle ice cream.
(sighs)
Just holler "surprise,"
sing "Happy Birthday,"
and let it go at that.
How about it?
Captain, what harm
can it do? Um...
He did save Gopher's life.
Right. Yeah.
If it hadn't been for him,
Gopher's life wouldn't
have needed saving.
This man is a criminal.
Boy, are you a party pooper.
( tense theme playing)
( majestic theme playing)
( melancholy theme playing)
Ginny?
Open the door, Ginny.
I need to talk to you, and...
I think you need to talk to me.
(lock clicks)
You're going to have
to help me, Ginny.
I know I could...
never understand
everything you must be feeling.
Everything you must have felt.
But if you're scared...
you can believe me... I am too.
I never saw you.
Do you know that?
It was one of the rules.
(tearfully): They took you
away from me while I...
I was still asleep.
Why did you give me away?
Twenty-five years ago...
a girl paid very dearly
for her mistakes.
There was no
tolerance for... people
who defied the rules.
They told me... it
would be impossible
for you to have a...
A normal, happy life if...
If I tried to raise
you by myself...
without a husband.
It... There was just...
no chance for us
together, Ginny.
Why didn't you
ever try to find me?
I couldn't.
Only recently,
the adoption agencies
opened the way
for this kind of an inquiry.
Ten years ago, you couldn't
have found me either.
When I... did get married, it...
It was my second chance.
And I...
I felt that...
I felt that...
I had to hide the fact that...
you'd ever been born.
(sobbing)
I... I know it's...
too late for me
to be your mother.
But I would feel
very privileged...
to be your friend.
( melancholy theme playing)
Mom, I'm... I'm sorry.
Oh, Mike.
Mike. What is it?
I'm in love with you.
Yes, well, of course, you...
Oh. Um...
Ginny, it's... It's all
right. I mean, uh...
look, there's absolutely
nothing to worry about.
Mother married my father
when I was years old.
She's my... My stepmother.
(sighs)
Baby. You and I
aren't related at all.
Yet.
( upbeat theme playing)
This is a terrific cake.
Sure. If you like mud cake.
(humming)
♪ Look what I got ♪
Oh, the garland
is perfect, Everett.
We'd better get
the party started
before the captain
changes his mind.
Golly.
Nothing much doing today!
Guess I'll take a snooze!
And then later...
get in some fishing
and a sunbath.
Ho-hum!
We couldn't get
the signal fire going.
The wood's too wet.
Oh, I'm sure
somebody will find us.
Look. Everything's just
about ready for the party.
Goody.
Isn't it exciting? Mm-hm-hm.
MRS. WORTH: Now,
somebody has to lure
Mr. Carruthers up to the hut
while the rest of us hide.
How about you, captain?
No, no. I refuse. Mm-mm.
Oh. Be a sport, sir.
Shh.
(whispering): He's
right over there.
Behind the rock.
All right. This is it.
What do you mean, "This is
it"? You're supposed to lure me.
Pretend you're taking me back
to the house for a drink.
Ask me to drop by the office
and see the new computer.
Not supposed to just
come up and say, "This is it."
Pretty crummy.
Are you through?
Yeah. Yeah. Uh...
Then forget the entire thing.
I'm only doing this
to humor Mrs. Worth.
Oh, come on. Be a pal.
Forget it! No party.
But it would've
been a party I...
I would never have forgotten.
Look! Oh. Look, a cake.
And... And bunting too.
Would I have gotten
the TinkerToys?
ALL: Surprise!
GOPHER: Surprise.
Happy birthday, Dave!
Fooled you, right?
Well, I'll be a
dirty bird. Heh-heh.
It's my birthday.
You remembered.
Mm-hm. And here's
your birthday hat, Dave.
Oh. Thanks a million.
If it doesn't fit, I can
always use it in a salad.
(both laugh)
Happy birthday, Dave.
Hey, you're not such a
bad old gal yourself, sister.
(both laugh)
Happy birthday, Dave.
Oh. Oh, it's a calendar watch.
There's the date and...
And the day of the week.
Say, th-that's the
perfect gift for a hermit.
(laughs)
Here you go, Dave.
I wrapped it myself.
Oh. Gee, thanks.
What is it? Oh.
Oh. I've always wanted
one of these. Ha-ha-ha!
JULIE: Gopher.
Come to my room in half an
hour and bring some rye bread.
(laughter)
Uh, we couldn't
think of a thing.
But I did have this
in my purse. Heh.
I don't know how it got there.
"Princess."
It's a hot ashtray.
(laughter)
Well, I've always
wanted something stolen.
( melancholy theme playing)
Well, i-it's been
a swell birthday...
uh, but the... The party's over.
And, uh, the quicker
you get off my island,
uh, the happier I'll be.
I quite agree.
I suggest we all head
towards the beach.
We'll try to light that fire.
And if you have
anything to wave,
bring it, in case
we spot a plane.
This way.
Stay dry, Dave. Yeah, thanks.
Happy birthday. Bye. Thanks.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Bye. Uh... ( romantic
theme playing)
Uh, I didn't mean you
when I said, "Get
off my island."
Come, live with
me And be my love
And we shall some
New pleasure prove
Of golden sands
And crystal brooks
With silken lines
And silver hooks
That's... John Donne.
That's not me.
It came straight from
my hermit's heart.
Oh, Mr. Carruthers.
I'd... I'd love to stay
on your island, but...
But who'd wanna
live with somebody
who's playing with half a deck?
Oh, no, no. Not true.
Don't you say things like that.
You're saner than
most people I know.
Then stay with me.
We'll live happily ever after.
Mr. Carruthers...
there can't be any
happily ever after for me.
Don't you believe
in fairy tales?
Kiss me on the nose. Come on.
And I'll turn into a prince.
Or a frog.
We'll have a
wonderful life together.
( melancholy theme playing)
Dave, I'm dying.
We all are.
They say I only have six months.
We're all the same.
You just know when.
( romantic theme playing)
(helicopter whirring overhead)
Boy, that's, uh...
some loud peacock.
I know.
(knock on door)
It's open.
Mara. (door closes)
I didn't think I'd
be doing this,
but I came to apologize to you.
I'm the one that
should apologize.
I mean all of the, uh...
showing off, lying.
I was a real jerk, wasn't I?
Uh-huh.
But when the chips were down,
you showed what kind
of man you really are.
Everybody's talking about
what you did last night.
Oh... I-I... I didn't
do that much.
You're quite a guy, Isaac.
As long as you
remember to be yourself.
If I were really
going to be myself...
I'd take you in my arms...
and hold you very close.
Well... like I
said... be yourself.
( romantic theme playing)
(sighs)
Here we go.
All right, Mrs. Worth.
It's time to get you off
this godforsaken island.
I don't think this island
is forsaken, captain.
You don't think
Dave lifted that tree
all by himself, do you?
I know, but it's time to go.
You go on, captain.
What?
I'm gonna stay here with Dave.
Why?
Well, I'll tell you, captain.
I've lived a lot of years
and I've done a lot of things,
but you know what?
I've never lived
in a grass shack...
and I've never really learned
the poetry of John Donne.
And I've never watched a sunset
from a deserted island.
I don't understand. You
can do these things anytime.
( melancholy theme playing)
Well...
there's no time like
the present, is there?
Goodbye, captain.
Well...
I'll, uh, have your
things sent by launch
on our way north.
That'll be very nice. Thank you.
Thanks for the party,
captain. It was terrific.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Mrs. Worth.
Good luck to the both of you.
Oh. If I can't
get... TinkerToys,
would you settle
for an Erector Set?
Aye, aye, sir. (laughing)
( upbeat theme playing)
( majestic theme playing)
(ship's horn blows)
(indistinct speech)
Kiki. Bye-bye. Julie.
Oh, bye. See you.
Doc... I've had a
lovely last three days.
Me too.
Obviously, being
marooned on an island
has its indirect benefits.
If I ever need a great
nurse, I'll give you a call.
If I ever need a great
friend, I'll give you a call.
Bye. Bye.
Well... there goes
a changed woman.
We all changed on that island.
Hey, guys. Come on.
Give me a nice smile, okay?
Oh. Gopher, how
many times can you
scare us with that snake?
Hey, guys. No snake this time.
I promise. Please.
Okay. Say cheese?
Come on. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, yeah. That's good.
Ready?
(squirts)
Ow! Gopher!
Bye now. Oh.
You were saying we all changed?
Yeah. He got worse.
Hey. Let's say
goodbye. All right.
(inaudible speech)
See you soon, Julie, Doc.
Ha. Sorry you got
stuck on the island.
Oh, we're not. Mmm. Bye.
Oh, Mr. Buhl. What?
May I have a word with you?
Certainly. I'll get
us a taxi, lover.
I won't be long. Mwah.
Heh. On the island,
I couldn't help overhearing...
about all those women.
All those women,
huh? Heh-heh! Yeah.
Yeah? You know, that's funny.
Maureen believed
me about the women,
but she never believed
me about the UFOs.
I made up the women.
I really saw the UFOs.
(snorts)
No.
Mother, how do you feel?
You've just picked up a
daughter, a daughter-in-law
and a gin rummy partner
all in one fell swoop.
How on earth am I going to
word these wedding invitations?
I've got you beat.
I got a mother, a mother-in-law,
a stepbrother and a husband.
We're gonna need
a big apartment.
STUBING: This is a big
decision you're making,
giving up the sea.
Well... my cruise line
is just going to have
to get along without me.
Do you know what
you're going to do?
I don't know.
I thought I'd find
a desert island
and become a hermit.
That's what my
brother did, you know?
Yes. Well... good
luck, Mr. Cunningham.
Captain.
Brother?
Mara, I've got the
whole day planned for us.
That's terrific.
Hey, aren't you gonna invite us?
We like parties. Why not?
Do me a favor. Get lost.
We sure know how to do that.
(chuckles)
(laughs)
One minute, please.
Sir?
I am sorry that your vacation
turned out this way.
Oh, uh, that's all right, sir.
I've heard from many sources
that, uh, you were the glue
that held the ship
together during the crisis.
I owe you a debt of gratitude.
Well, sir, when you've sailed
with the best skipper there is,
well, a little rubs off.
Thank you.
I would also like to
thank you in another way.
Sir?
A promotion.
Isaac, that's wonderful.
In addition to your overseeing
all the bars on the ship,
I want you to get
involved in other areas too.
There will be some stripes
in your next pay
envelope, Mr. Washington.
Thank you, sir. Ha-ha! (laughs)
Thank you!
Oh. Give me five.
(all laughing)
MARA: Bye-bye. See
you, Mr. Washington.
Mr. Washington, sir.
So long, Mr. Washington.
Isaac.
Vacation's over. Back to work.
(laughs uncomfortably)
Hm?
( majestic theme playing)
02x01 & 02x02 - Marooned/The Search/Isaac's Holiday: Part 1 & 2
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.