the game of spleen ball is very simple
Brian you just sling your anchovies into
your opponent's laundry basket Oh missed
do I get to eat the anchovies after the
game
no does Marvin Hagler eat his trunks
after a fight
okay who dumped my clean laundry out on
the floor
Roy until I can place Flav up it's not
nice to rat on your friends spleen ball
a picture's worth a thousand words
that picture was worth $1,000
well maybe the frame makes it look cheap
I am tired of your breaking things if
this happens one more time you will be
living in the garage from now on I'll
treat this house as if it were my own
treat it as if it were my house and
don't break anything cheap frame I guess
it can be repaired
oops
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
bully I said I was sorry how many times
do I have to say it it's gotten to a
point where it's saying you're sorry
it's not enough what if I write it down
you don't get it do you
get what this whole idea of living
together
you see we make rules and we follow them
to keep our lives from becoming chaos
now if anybody breaks those rules you or
or me or anybody then life becomes
impossible you're right
I don't get it let me put it this way
you're staying in the garage until we
say you can get out bet I get you ask
you something did you act this way in
your parents house no I lived in their
garage oh sure drop parallel just think
about what I've said okay and we'll
discuss it later Willy please you can't
leave me out here there none of the
comforts of home
Wow all right you can you can bring
something out from the house can it be
something that answers to hey lucky
thought wait wait wait
I want to ask you something it's
important what
by elf
oh no wait no I know what its gonna ask
you instead of me wasting time learning
how to behave
could I just suck up to Kate well Kate
and I agreed about sending you out here
so if anything you gonna have to suck up
to both of us
well thanks I'll remember that handsome
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Laughter]
our furniture we've been robbed
[Music]
wishful thinking
you
[Music]
oh honey Oh housewarming gift tonight
who told you you could bring this
furniture out here Willie did not you
said I could bring something from the
house
I said you bring something not
everything no in all fairness you did
not make that point clear want to take
that hideous Statue of Liberty clock
that clock was a gift from my mother
hideous
I meant lovely as lovely as your mother
that must be the microwave brisket
anyone else I want you to take
everything back into the house tonight
and I emphasize the word everything and
I emphasize the word tonight and if you
don't you will be living out here
permanently
I noticed you emphasized the word
permanently wait don't go
please can we sit down and talk this out
just give me one minute all right fine
yes you have one minute
thank you hey Willie don't sit there
that's my chair
that was my chair on the house well
we're not in the house
40 seconds well that's not fair Willie
talk to penalize him
thirty-five what are you mission control
30 30 seconds I just had a minute half a
minute ago
forget the minute just say what you have
to say no I need human companionship I
don't know how I ever got along without
it but now I'm hooked
I'm a people junkie please don't go oh
you go ahead okay I'll sit on here with
him for a while really what are you
doing it seems like he really misses us
I do I do I do and our brisket now he's
after us oh you're right of course
you're right you stay in the garage
without us and without our brisket
good night out Kate wait please give me
another chance I know I could change
just let me move back inside for one
week and I'll prove it to you
I'll be on my best behavior what if
during this week you don't change then
Willy and I will move out here for good
all right you've got a deal Oh Kate I
don't want to move out here
well I didn't mean that as part of the
deal is you stay in the house for one
week but if you mess up your history hey
no problem the week hasn't started yet
right furniture is back oh and he's
fixed the painting and everything seems
so much cleaner than usual
uh no offense good morning sir madam
your eggs benedict is served
oh no he's using a stove but yet he's
wearing my shirt why that was first you
two must be famished Oh what is going on
going on ma'am okay this food looks
great thank you sir I believe a meal
should be pleasing to the eye as well as
to the palate ow
um just so that I know is the entire
week gonna be filled with a lot of sirs
and ma'ams and haute cuisine well man
per our deal I wanted to show you how
much it would please me to please you
well thank you that that's very nice you
know I appreciate that I must admit the
eggs do look delicious and the house is
very clean it's amazingly clean it's not
that clean I do hope you folks will have
a chance to check under the tables I've
scraped off all the gum there was gum
under the tables
well gum and other crusty substances
deposited there by someone who'll
henceforth be known as the old elf may
he rest in peace
what's not so good help you look great
did we the cleaning crew come in here or
something that house looks fantastic
crying out loud I'll clean the whole
house and they made us this wonderful
breakfast
oh good better than that stinky stuff
mom usually makes our bride I just was a
loudmouth
that was yesterday today's our Butler if
you don't mind madam I prefer the word
manservant helps keep me in my place
it's Trevor you better the new Alfa
moves fast
come on in Trevor hey hey Taylor who
painted your fence it looks great but I
don't know what I don't know what you're
talking about
oh wow so painted happy birthday dad oh
it's your birthday present
I hope I didn't ruin the surprise oh no
no I was gonna look up the window soon
anyway I'll be 45 in August that's six
months away and ain't your birthday you
just had your fence painted so you can
keep up with the harmonics well I'm not
gonna tell you where I bought my
florescent flamingos we blew it
hey Kate great looking breakfast mom
didn't make it
who did I'm a servant you got a
manservant
just for the week well do me a favor
don't mention it to Raquel you have our
word Thanks she went ape when she found
out you had a vacuum cleaner you might
have Jeeves give me a jingle I might
want him to paint my flamingos Oh Jeeves
there's something I'd like to ask you I
know what you're going to say sir and
I've already taken care of those ghastly
flamingos of them no they've been
removed and tomorrow I shall terminate
the lawn jockey
did you see what Alf didn't he
embroidered milord and milady on the
towels he's amazing
you're telling me he got that stubborn
Cranberries staying off of my pajama
tops yeah you can do anything
oh yeah I'll say I can't believe I'm
saying this but he he's actually making
me feel inadequate I wasn't gonna say
that
oh I didn't mean you're the one who's
making me feel inadequate and the kids
too
I mean everybody is so carried away with
the new elves old-world charm hope
you're not expecting that Emil when
things get back to normal
absolutely not milady
a nap milord that shade
[Music]
[Music]
morning ma'am oh it's your last day
there's no need to wax the floor again
I'm free at the moment and I finished
shortening your dresses you shortened my
dresses well they are showing higher
hemlines this year and I didn't think
milady wanted to continue with the Nancy
Reagan look Thank You al Florin l flora
[Laughter]
I'll have to phone the other man's
servants I've befriended and tell them
that you've unleashed yet another corker
excuse me ma'am but the wax isn't dry
yet if you must go into the kitchen I'll
have to carry you
I'll wax in your wake Oh get a piggyback
ride smell I wasn't in the mood what's
that slop
it's eggs florentine brushed with a
Mandarin the orange glaze we don't have
anything to drink except Perrier else
gets it it costs from the French Embassy
I'll relax okay we're gonna have the old
Alf back at sundown I hope so I want to
take anymore quiche to school nobody
will trade with me the week is over as
far as I'm concerned I'm gonna have a
plain ol orange Willie I don't think
that I can make it till sundown why
don't we go away for the day
good idea oh come on that's silly now
why don't we just tell Alf that is one
well I'm for that you've won one ma'am
the bet is off you can turn in your your
whisk broom and your phony accent let
out a big burp and let's get on with it
what we're saying is we want the old Alf
back please I must insist that we follow
this through isn't that one of the rules
to follow things through otherwise we'd
have chaos and our life would be
impossible all right we're leaving at
6:14 6:14 6:14 that's when the Sun Goes
Down
and that means pledge week is over and
you can go back to being yourself where
we gonna go who cares as long as it's
someplace dirty goodbye Oh Sir William
is there some special meal you'd like
for my last hurrah Oh Oh actually there
is one thing that Kate's always had a
little trouble with that's duck a
L'Orange no problem shall I serve a nice
hearty burgundy let it be lovely
count on it oh yeah you bet and we don't
want anything fancy for dinner either
[Music]
6:13 one minute to go luck Meister then
I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a
gut wagon the duck a l'orange is ready
have some wine it'll slow down your
reflexes zut alors the gas is on I
forgot to light the oven oh well better
late than never
[Music]
Oh
well I guess we'll have to order in
tonight on the town
the Japanese trade imbalance what do
women in bikinis think about it
I love sweeps week oh I just take it
easy you didn't lose everything you
still got your health I'm sorry two
firemen had to chop their way in you
people should give me a key cover what
happened I think I know what happened
where is he where is he Oh Jeeves
I think he took off when he saw the mess
in the kitchen the kitchen
Lynne when are you gonna see if you can
find Jeeves Trevor I think we can handle
this from here Thanks
thanks for waiting for us to come home
my pleasure
I hope you don't mind I was a little
hungry so I had some of that crispy duck
that was stuck to the wall don't worry
about it
have a good night you no need to close
the door on your way out do you think
else okay I found out he was hiding in
the dryer with grandma's rosary I know
what you're gonna say and I've already
accepted my fate I'm turning myself in
to the alien task force I don't deserve
to live
alfe why do these things always happen
to you
beats me maybe the past life I was a
wrecking ball you were so good all week
what happened yeah we'd really like to
know I'll keep it simple Willy the
kitchen blew up this is like a
roadrunner cartoon oh how did the
kitchen blow up beg your pardon ma'am
how did the kitchen blow up
just tell me how the kitchen blew up
well the oven was on for a while then I
realized I hadn't lit it so I struck a
match didn't just smell the gas at the
time I thought it was dill but goodbye
and good luck
oh come on back out you don't have
anywhere to go and we don't want you to
go but I failed I didn't live up to the
agreement I don't deserve to stay oh we
know that but you're staying anyway okay
oh come on now place is a mess we got a
lot of cleaning up to do and if there's
one thing that I've proved this week
it's that he knows how to clean up well
actually that was the new well now that
I'm the old dealth I don't I'll get the
push broom milord
well hey how's it going Alf I thought
you're gonna take these things back to
Trevor they're not Trevor's anymore I
bought them well actually you bought
them your checks in the mail
hey hit the switch Leah you gotta see
this
see what trust me just turn off the
light tell me is this a significant
moment or what it's breathtaking care
for a little mood music I think we must
have it
[Music]
[Music]
02x01 - Working My Way Back to You
Watch or Buy on Amazon Merchandise
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.