04x01 - Sergeant Bull/Friends and Lovers/Miss Mother

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest
reward ♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly shore

♪ It's love ♪ Welcome
aboard ♪ It's love ♪

Billy. Let's keep circulating. We
can't have any thirsty passengers.

Excuse me. I'm supposed to meet a bunch
of guys from my old t*nk unit in Korea.

- Mahoney's the name.
- Dapper Dan Mahoney!

Dapper Dan... Say, that's what they
used to call me. How did you know that?

- Because we told Isaac all about you!
- Buzz, Tom!

- Gee!
- How are you?

I don't believe it! Not a
gray hair in your head.

Well, you know, you buy
a little and you dye a little.

So you're the one that broke all
those hearts in the Far East, huh?

- You guys told on me, didn't you?
- Mm-hm.

- Has anybody seen Sergeant Beluski yet?
- No, not yet.

Well, you see, he's the guy
that organized this whole reunion.

If I know the Bull, he's probably
in some bar beating up a Marine.

- [ALL LAUGH]
- Sounds like a ton of laughs.

Well, he was very gung-ho in those
days. But he must've mellowed by now.

- What do you think?
- I hope so.

- Attention!
- Do you believe that? [MUTTERS]

Straighten up, you guys!

Tuck in those stomachs!

Get those shoulders back!

A little pride!

Oh... I am so glad
to see you guys!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Oh, we're gonna have
one hell of a reunion!

- Yeah!
- Just like the old days!

- Yeah!
- Come on, help me unpack.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, Isaac. At ease.

[LAUGHTER]

- Hello, Rose.
- Oh, hello, Captain!

Hi, Vicki. How are you, honey?

Oh, I'm sorry I was late
for work, but my car...

Don't worry, Rose. Did you
have a nice vacation ashore?

Oh, yeah. I went to my
apartment, I vacuumed the rug,

I dusted the furniture and I
made the beds, just like I do here.

[LAUGHTER]

She's my favorite
cabin stewardess.

Hope she doesn't get
in trouble for being late.

Well, maybe you ought to
talk to the captain about her.

I've heard that you have him
wrapped around your little finger.

Pardon me. Could you tell me
where I could find Dr. Bricker?

Oh, yes, he's right over there.

Thank you.

Doc sure has them trained
right. Now they look for him.

Young lady.

- Dr. Bricker?
- Yes.

- Hi, I'm Gwen Hutchins.
- Well, hi.

I was told you're just
the man I'm looking for.

- Lucky me.
- Professionally, that is.

Oh, well, unlucky me.
No problem, I hope.

Nothing contagious. I'm
pregnant, about two months.

- Well, lucky you and Mr. Hutchins.
- There is no Mr. Hutchins. I'm single.

Oh. Well... Uh...

My doctor's sweet, but
he's a real fussbudget.

And I promised him I'd report to
the ship's doctor the minute I boarded.

I'll tell him you get a
gold star for punctuality.

And look, if there's
anything you need,

night or day,
anytime, just call.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Monkey?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- [GASPS] Monkey?
- Forgive me.

You look like someone
I went to school with.

She must be adorable. Monkey?

No. Actually, she was quite pretty.
That was the nickname we gave her

because she was
always getting into trouble.

Uh, I'm sorry, really
I am. Excuse me.

- Well, maybe I'll see you around.
- Yeah. Look for me in the dining room.

I'll be the one swinging
from the chandelier.

Oh, no!

Hello there. Uh, I'm
Rick, Rick Martin.

- Well, welcome aboard. I'm Julie McCoy.
- Mm-hm.

This is our yeoman
purser, Burl Smith.

- Gopher!
- Rick, hi.

[LAUGHS] I don't believe it!

- You two know each other?
- We used to, in college.

- Oh.
- We're fraternity brothers.

Imagine, after all these years,
running into Strike Out Smith.

I was a pitcher on
the baseball team.

Gopher got stood up more
often than any guy on campus.

His steady date used to be Sylvia
Krasnik, our -year-old housemother.

I don't think Julie's really
interested in that stuff.

Oh, now I know your
luck has changed.

By now, you're probably
dating a girl with her own teeth.

- [LAUGHS]
- As a matter of fact, I am.

Right, honey?

Oh, uh, you two are... together?

Uh-huh. I'm sure that Gopher will
explain all about the two of us later.

- Right, dear?
- Yes, dear.

Well, I guess I'd better get
settled. See you two later.

- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Terrific looking lady, Gopher.
- Thank you.

You must be
taking your vitamins.

[FORCED LAUGHTER]

Look, I'm sorry. I... I
didn't know what else to do.

Julie, I went through
college in Rick's shadow.

He beat me out at everything.
Sports, studies, especially women.

I just didn't want to
start all that again.

Fine. But what do we do
now? He thinks we're a couple.

Well, we act like that
whenever Rick's around.

- Oh.
- Julie, please?

Don't make me get down on my
knees. I just had my pants pressed.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You're a pal.

[HORN BLARES]

Company march!

Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!

- Good morning, Rose.
- Good morning, Captain.

That's a nice bunch of fellas.

They use a lot of towels,
but they're nice guys.

[LAUGHS] Oh, by the way, Rose,

uh, don't tell the others,

but Vicki told me that you're her
favorite stewardess on the ship.

Well, thank you,
Captain. [CHUCKLES]

And you can tell her for me that you
are my favorite captain on this ship.

Thank you.

Hi. How are the
two of you doing?

- We couldn't be better.
- Good. I want an easy cruise.

- Doctor.
- Yes?

I hope I didn't sound flip last night
when I said I was pregnant and single.

- I didn't mean it to sound that way.
- It didn't.

I'm not ashamed of my situation.

It's just... Well,
sometimes it isn't easy.

Hey, I understand.

Look, let me, uh, let
me ask you something.

Is there any chance
of you and the father...

Uh-uh. Charlie was a great guy
till he found out that I was pregnant.

He couldn't face the responsibility,
and I don't believe in going

into a marriage that I
know will end in divorce.

Wise girl.

Of course, I'm sure your
doctor discussed what options

- are available to you.
- Yes.

But I also don't believe in
abortion, for me personally, that is.

I made one mistake. To me,
that would be making another.

- Do you plan to keep the baby?
- Of course.

Naturally, I still have
moments of doubt,

whether or not I'm doing the
right thing. But I love children.

And I had a very happy childhood,
so I'll pass that along to my baby.

You know what I think? I think you'll
make a wonderful mother, and father.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

Hi. Remember me?

Well, I'll be a monkey's
uncle. Look who's here.

- I brought you a little present.
- You did?

- Surprise!
- Thanks a bunch.

[LAUGHING]

Isaac, let's have another
round for the guys, okay?

Oh, yeah. It's okay with me
if it's okay with your livers.

Hey, Sarge, let me tell you about
old Dapper Dan, for a change.

I committed matrimony since I
saw you. I got a great family now,

- two girls, two boys.
- Two boys?

- Yes, sir.
- Two boys?

- Uh-huh.
- He's got two boys!

- Yes!
- Boy, I bet you can hardly wait

until they grow up so they
can enlist in the Army, right?

The Army was a great
life, right, Mahoney.

Yeah, if you like green clothes
and green food. Great life.

Julie's a great looking lady.

But don't you get a little tired of
being tied down to just one girl?

Oh, well, I got tired of that
"girl at every port" routine, Rick.

I was so exhausted I could hardly
work. So I decided to settle down.

- Hi, Pumpkin.
- Oh! Hi!

- I missed you.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yes, poopy.
- Huh?

I have a little time
before the bingo game.

- Do you want to go catch some shade?
- Okay.

I guess I'm not needed here.

Do you mind if I steal him away?

No, you might as well,
nobody else has tried to.

Oh...

How do those little
scrawny guys do it?

You must have worked
very hard, Mr. Martin,

- to have retired at such an early age.
- No. No, not really.

You see, I bought
gold at $ an ounce.

At first I thought I would be
bored with retirement, even lonely.

But my lifestyle seems
to attract companionship.

[LAUGHS] Gopher seems
to be enjoying himself.

- Who's the clinging vine?
- Julie.

Their conduct in the dining room
leaves a great deal to be desired.

I believe in a friendly
crew, but that is ridiculous.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I can't believe it. It must be you. I
haven't talked this much in ten years.

Well, don't stop now,
Dennis, you're on a streak.

You were up to college
and your degree in business.

- [LAUGHS] You see, I was listening.
- Right.

Then the search
for greener pastures.

In my case, a career in what is
laughingly called high finance.

- Laughingly?
- I work for a home mortgage firm.

With the interest rates today, we
haven't had too much business lately.

I know. I'm in real estate.

Hey, we're practically related.

Yeah, just let me know
when we're kissing cousins.

- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- The fearsome foursome

- together again!
- Yeah!

- Mm! Nice.
- Mm.

- It's great.
- I can't tell you guys

how much I've been looking
forward to this reunion.

- Yeah!
- I've got an awful lot

- of surprises planned.
- Surprises?

Yeah. [LAUGHS] Oh! In
fact, there's one right now.

- Yeah? What's that?
- I planned this way ahead.

- Yeah?
- Dinner on Army trays.

Three lobsters and
one franks and beans.

Right here.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYS]

- And you said you couldn't dance.
- I can't really.

All I do is hold on
tight and move a little.

That's my favorite step.

- JULIE: Oh.
- Hm?

I thought you were exaggerating
about your friend Rick, but he's horrible.

- Mm-hm.
- Tonight at dinner,

- he put his hand on my knee.
- Really?

Well, I know it was my
knee and it was not my hand.

You know, with a
guy like that onboard,

it's sort of nice having a steady
boyfriend around for protection.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

[INAUDlBLE]

- Mind if I cut in?
- It's okay...

I think. [CLEARS THROAT]

I was hoping we'd find
some time alone together.

- I've been wanting to talk to you.
- Oh?

I wanted to tell you what a
lovely lady I think you are.

- Mr. Martin...
- I'm attracted by everything

about you: your eyes, your hair.

Ooh, and I love that
perfume you're wearing.

- Really?
- Yeah.

It's Gopher's favorite.

Gopher?

[LAUGHS]

- Julie.
- Yeah?

I think this is working out
even better than I'd hoped.

Of course.

You know what I see?

I see myself in a beautiful home
someday with a fireplace in every room.

And that view from every window.

Do you see anybody else
living in that house with you?

Yes, I do.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Dennis, please, there's so
much about me you don't know.

But what I do know I like.

You're a rare find today, Gwen.

An old-fashioned
girl. I know I like that.

I think it's time for the
Gwen Hutchins story.

And my life story
takes a long time to tell.

Well, we'll save the
whole day for it, tomorrow.

MEN: ♪ Good night,
Irene Good night, Irene

♪ I'll see you in my dreams

- ♪ Right in my dreams -
Come on, come on, come on!

- What's the matter?
- Knock off the mushy stuff!

Sing an Army song!

♪ Over there ♪ Over there

♪ Send the word,
send the word Over there

♪ That the yanks are
coming The yanks are coming

♪ We won't be back
till it's over over there

♪ We're coming
over We're coming over

♪ And we won't come
back till it's over over there...

I didn't know this was
an enlistment cruise.

Neither did I.

- Julie.
- Hm?

I really appreciate
what you're doing for me.

I just hope it hasn't
been too uncomfortable.

Well, I was against it at first,

but I've got to admit it's
been kind of fun. [LAUGHS]

Oh.

Julie, you're terrific.

Excuse me.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Okay, okay, okay.
Hold it, hold it.

- I'll be right there.
- [KNOCKING]

- Hold on, hold on!
- [KNOCKING]

- Let me in.
- Oh, it's you.

- You alone?
- No, you're here.

- Gopher, it's : in the morning!
- Don't worry.

In October, you
get an hour back.

Isaac. Isaac. Isaac!

Do you think that it's possible
for two people who work together

to stop taking each other for
granted and have a real relationship?

Just 'cause I let you in here
in the middle of the night,

don't go strange on me.

I'm not kidding! I'm
talking about Julie and me.

Do you think she likes me?

You wake me out of a Donna
Summer dream to ask me that?

Of course Julie likes you!

She likes you!

- I like her, we all like each other.
- Oh, I'm not talking about being pals!

- I'm talking about love.
- Love?

Well, I always thought
that Julie was terrific,

but I never let myself think
about her in any kind of...

Well, you know,
in a romantic way.

- And?
- Well, tonight out on deck...

Well, anyway, I think that
we are falling for each other!

Well, stranger things have
been known to happen.

Gopher, Gopher,
Gopher. Listen, listen.

Sometimes we knock ourselves
out looking for that perfect person,

and it turns out that they were
right under our nose all along.

That's right! Yeah!

Well, then this could be
the opportunity of a lifetime!

Oh, I can't believe this, Isaac!

Thank you. Thank you, listen.
I'll let you get back to sleep.

Hey. Thank you.
Hey... thank you!

Thanks.

Gopher and Julie.

Why not?

Then again, why?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[GROANS]

- [KNOCKING]
- Oh!

- My head feels like a bowling alley.
- [KNOCKING]

- Oh, no.
- Gonna sleep all day?

Sarge, it's a.m.

That's right! Time
to rise and shine!

[PLAYS FANFARE]

- Oh, sir!
- Good morning, Gopher.

Morning, sir. Uh...

Say, I read in the papers
that statistics show marriage

- is becoming more popular again.
- Oh.

And I read in the papers that the
price of gasoline is going up again.

That's the game, isn't it? Now you
tell me something else you read?

Oh, no, no, sir, no.
Actually, what I...

Actually, what I
wanted to say, uh...

Actually, what I
wanted to ask...

Uh, well, sir, if two crew members
become serious, can they get married?

I mean, there's no cruise line
regulation against that, is there?

No, not at all. As a matter
of fact, some years ago

I attended the marriage of a cabin
stewardess to a young pastry chef.

- Hm.
- Yes.

They had the ceremony
right in the galley.

Oh, how romantic.

Yes. Right from the start, they
were rolling in dough. [LAUGHS]

What?

Gopher, why are you
asking all these questions?

Is someone onboard
planning to get married?

Well, maybe. Uh, well, no,
sir, actually... I'm just curious.

You know, as the assistant purser, I
want to have all the knowledge I can.

I want to know the rules
of this ship inside and out.

Thank you, sir.

Rolling in dough.
[LAUGHS] I like it!

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Sorry I'm late.
- That's all right.

The older I get, the longer it takes
to get pulled together in the morning.

You look wonderful.
For an old lady, that is.

Are you all right?

Oh, just a little queasy this
morning, but I'm okay now.

Guess you don't
have your sea legs yet.

Dennis, last night you said you
wanted to know everything about me.

And, well, I think you
should know the truth.

Oh, Gwen, this sounds serious.

The truth is that...

I'm not really this beautiful
when I wake up in the morning.

Well, I know you're
beautiful at night.

So tonight we'll have
an early dinner onboard,

and then when we dock at Mazatlán,
I'm going to take you into town

and, well, you're just gonna have
to trust me to show you a good time.

- I'm in your hands. Literally.
- Great.

I'll go to the purser's lobby
and make the arrangements.

- Excuse me.
- It's all right.

I seem to be walking into
people a lot this trip. Must be love.

Well, you two seem to
be getting along just fine.

Doc, he's a fantastic guy.

I think I'm falling in love.

Looks mutual to me.

And, no, I haven't told
him about the baby yet.

You'll know when
the time is right.

In case you hadn't noticed,
timing is not exactly my long suit.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, fellas. Your
cabins are clean now.

[FANFARE PLAYING]

- Yeah. Thanks, Rose.
- What's the matter?

You guys look like
you lost your best friend.

- No, but we'd like to.
- [FANFARE CONTINUES PLAYING]

Oh, you mean the bugle
boy from Company C?

The sarge thinks
we're still back in Korea.

If we could just get
his mind off the Army!

- Well, doesn't he have a hobby?
- Yeah. The Army!

Oh, he's got a one track mind.

Why don't you get him a girl?

The ship is loaded with them, and
that will keep him off your backs.

Oh, no! No, no,
no! Don't look at me!

Oh, no. You are barking
up the wrong mop.

Rosie, it was your idea.

Yeah and the sergeant
is a nice, single guy.

Look, he may be a nice guy, but
there'll never be another man like my Leo.

God rest his soul. So forget it.

Rosie, you mean you wouldn't
help three heroes of the w*r?

- Heroes?
- Yeah, right.

Three heroes, who almost gave
their lives in the battle of, uh, Sukiyaki!

- Sukiyaki?
- Mm-hm!

Yeah, Sukiyaki! Where it was.

Douglas MacArthur himself
personally commended us

- for what we did in that battle.
- MacArthur?

And Truman too.

Leo hated Truman,
he loved MacArthur.

"I shall return."

[SIGHS] What the heck.

Tokyo had a Rose to help them.

- I'll do it!
- [CHEERING]

Turkey.

I can't believe he and Gopher
even came out of the same school,

- let alone were friends.
- I must admit they are different.

Like night and day.

Rick is a shallow womanizer,

and Gopher is one of
the sweetest, warmest,

most sensitive men
I've ever known.

- Gopher?
- Uh-huh.

- And he's romantic.
- Our Gopher?

Very romantic.

Burl Smith, the
assistant purser?

You wouldn't understand
unless you'd been kissed by him.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Yeah?
- Hi.

Hi.

I'm your cabin stewardess,
but you can call me Rose.

Oh, come on in, Rose.

Uh, I was just
getting ready to leave.

Oh, you don't have to
leave on my account.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well, well, well.

"Well, well, well" what?

I just like to admire a
sexy guy when I see one.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Rose.

Oh! Is that an Army
ribbon I see here?

Uh, yes, yes, that's a
Good Conduct ribbon.

I was a master sergeant.

I gave years' service to
the Red, White, and Blue.

- I knew you were an Army man.
- Oh?

Oh, by your bearing
and your square jaw

and that muscular,
conditioned body you have.

Well, I... I try
to stay in shape.

Are you, uh, alone on the ship?

Yes. Oh, well, no.

I mean, I've got some buddies. I
was just getting ready to go see them.

- Oh.
- But there's no rushing that.

I saw them most of the morning.

Well, this is the last
cabin I have to clean up.

After that, if you like,

I could show you
around the ship, Sarge?

[CHUCKLES] That would
be, uh... that would be great.

And you don't have to call me
Sarge. You can call me Harry.

Okay, Harry.

- No, no, no, no, no. No!
- Come on.

- Isaac, come on!
- No!

Isaac, you're holding out on me. Now,
you know something about Gopher.

Yeah, but I don't think he
wants me to tell anybody.

Anybody? Am I just anybody?

Isaac, I'm your old
pal. Isaac, I'm a doctor.

Okay, if he gets a
headache, I'll call you.

Besides, aren't you the one
that's against shipboard gossip?

Yeah, but this isn't
gossip. It's just that, look,

I have a certain amount of
information and I just want to see

if it dovetails with what
you know, that's all.

Come on!

Well, Gopher came to my cabin
last night babbling about Julie.

About Julie! A-ha! What
did he say? What did he say?

Well, it got pretty heavy.
He even used the "L" word.

The "L" word...
Oh, love! Oh, boy!

- Now it's beginning to make sense.
- Wait a minute, Doc. What do you know?

Well, okay. I'll tell you.

Now you know, Isaac, I
really don't believe in gossip.

- Doc!
- Okay, I'm only kidding.

Okay, here's what she said.
Now, she was singing his praises.

Julie was, and then Julie said
what a great kisser Gopher is.

- Gopher?
- Gopher!

- Kisser?
- Kisser!

Oh, let's can it
for a while, huh?

- Good afternoon.
- Oh, yeah. No sense in him knowing

till we find out
what's going on.

- Well, hi Isaac, Adam.
- How are you doing?

I'm glad you're here.

Say, by any chance,
does either of you know

why Gopher's been
acting stranger than usual?

You mean you know
about Gopher and Julie?

Julie?

If you didn't know, why
did you ask about Gopher?

Because he was asking
me about marriage.

- Marriage?
- Marriage?

I know it's the middle of the day,
so I can't blame it on the moonlight.

Blame what?

Gwen, I, uh...

I think I'm in love.

Dennis, there's something
that I have to tell you.

I... I don't think I'm in love.

I know I am.

I want you in my life,

but I'm afraid that there's something
I've done that will make me lose you.

Not a chance.

One of the things that I've
always wanted was a baby.

Great, I come from a large family.
I'd like to repeat that happy pattern.

Dennis, I'm pregnant.

It happened long
before I met you.

I'm not in love with the father. In
fact, I don't even see him anymore.

- You're pregnant?
- Two months.

[SIGHS] Gwen, I, uh...

I don't know what to say.

How about, "I love you, and the only
important thing is that we're together."

I don't know, I...

I'm trying to put it
together in my head,

and all that comes
up is a shipboard fling

with a woman who is
carrying another man's baby.

And, apparently, proud of it.

Certainly not ashamed.

Would you, uh,
consider an abortion?

No.

I could never take
one life to get another.

I guess I understand that.

I need some time to sort
things out, think it through.

Maybe then we can
sit down and discuss it.

Over dinner tonight?
Before Mazatlán?

Right, dinner.

Mazatlán.

I'll see you later.

GOPHER: [OVER PA] Welcome
to Mazatlán, ladies and gentlemen.

Enjoy your evening ashore.
Remember, we sail at midnight.

- [KNOCKING]
- Who is it?

Romance man, he delivers.

- Oh, it's you. What do you want?
- What do you think I want?

- I want to come in.
- Well, I'm sorry.

But I'm getting
dressed right now.

Ooh! Now I really
want to come in!

Mr. Martin, I'm very busy.

If you'd like to speak with
me, I'll be in the lounge later.

Oh, now look,
don't get me wrong.

I love the way you're
playing hard to get,

but remember, don't put off till
tomorrow what you can do right now.

I may not be available later.

Well, that's a chance I'll
just have to take, Mr. Martin.

Oh, now call me
Rick. And let me in.

If I don't see you till later,
you'll probably be with Gopher.

You're probably right.

Well, now, hey, who
are we kidding here?

A great-looking lady like you
deserves a real man, not some, uh,

goofball like Gopher.

Now, see here, Rick.

Passenger or no passenger, I stop
being pleasant when you insult Gopher.

- Forget Gopher.
- I'd like to forget you.

You're not even in the
same league with Gopher.

You may think of him
as some kind of goofball,

but he has qualities
you'd never understand,

like kindness and consideration.

I find him an attractive,
wonderful man.

You got that off your
chest. Now, may I come in?

Please, do come in.

I was just leaving anyhow.

Do you like my idea
of eating in my cabin?

Oh, this is great.

I mean, what's the
difference, food is food, right?

Right.

Rose, did I ever tell you
what it's like to be in a t*nk?

No, and I don't wanna hear it.

Why don't you talk to me the
way a man talks to a woman?

[LAUGHS] Well, I can do that.

Good.

Some of my best
friends are WACs.

I don't think we're on
the same wavelength.

Rose, I know what
you're talking about.

You mean you want to have
a... a regular conversation.

- Right.
- Like, uh, like normal people,

- like, uh, civilians.
- That's the idea.

- Why didn't you say so?
- Okay, I'm saying so now.

All right.

All right. Come here, Rosie.

Um...

Rose, I have been in
the military for years.

And I would still be there if it
weren't for mandatory retirement.

Oh, Harry, open your eyes.

There's a wonderful
world out there.

You'd be surprised what you might
find, if you just give yourself a chance.

Harry?

All right Rose, for you.

Well.

Okay.

DOC: Hi.

Oh, hi.

Where's Dennis? I thought the two of you
were going into Mazatlán to do the town.

Doc, I told him about the baby.

I guess he decided to do
the town in Los Angeles.

He flew back.

I'm sorry.

I guess some things
just aren't meant to be.

Oh, Doc.

Julie, we gotta
have a little chat.

A little... a little talk.
We gotta talk about...

what we're feeling.
We gotta find out what...

each other is
thinking. We gotta...

- Julie, what do you think?
- About what?

Julie!

Oh, Gopher, I'm sorry. I
thought you were talking to me.

I was just rehearsing.

I was going to come
down to your cabin later.

Rehearsing what?

Well, I was just wondering, um,

where you and I
stand with each other?

Oh.

See, Julie, when I asked
you to put on an act for Rick,

I honestly thought I
could just stay cool,

and make Rick jealous,
and that would be it.

But somewhere along the
line, things changed, right?

And underneath
all the play-acting,

some real romantic
feelings came out, right?

Exactly. You...

How do you know about that?

The same thing happened to me.

- Julie.
- Yeah?

Are we in love?

Well, ever since
last night's kiss,

- I've been thinking about it.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Ah, well, then I think maybe
what we should do is, um,

try it again and see if
we feel anything special.

I think maybe we should, yeah.

- Okay.
- [GIGGLES]

- Um...
- Yeah.

- That's not it.
- That's not it.

Um... see, last night,
the kiss was more...

it was more spontaneous, it
was... it was more romantic.

- It was softer.
- Mm-hm.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Julie.
- Yeah?

I don't think it's supposed
to be this difficult.

- You know what else I'm thinking?
- What?

- Stay friends.
- Yeah.

- Better friends.
- Yeah.

Very special friends.

Very special friends.

- Yeah...
- [EXHALES]

- Gopher? - Eh...
- Eh... - [LAUGHS]

You know, I never have
been a very trusting guy.

Even when I was in the service,
no matter what a girl would tell me,

I always felt that she was just
trying to take advantage of a GI.

- Oh, talking about trust, Harry...
- No, no, no, no.

Let me finish, Rose, please.

And then I finally realized
that the problem was with me.

I just wasn't
willing to open up.

But with you, Rose,
it's... it's different.

- Oh, Harry, I have to tell you something.
- I know, I know you think that I'm crazy.

- No.
- It's crazy that a dumb slob like me

could say that I've fallen
in love in just hours.

- Well, I have.
- Oh, Harry.

You know, Rosie must have
conned the old sarge real good.

Yeah, if Sarge ever finds out we
put Rosie up to this, he will k*ll us.

I'd rather he k*ll me
than drive me crazy.

[LAUGHS]

So... you took this old
soldier for a sucker, huh?

- Oh, Harry...
- Save your breath!

w*r isn't hell, love is.

Harry, that wasn't what...

Well, I'm glad you straightened
out your short-lived romance.

Now maybe we can
get some work done.

[JULIE LAUGHS]

Some habits are hard to break.

Yeah, some people
just can't quit cold turkey.

TOM: Sarge!

Sarge, let us in!
Please, we're sorry.

No!

Sarge, Rose is here with us.

You tell Rose that if she's
looking for her mop and bucket,

they'll be on deck! I'm gonna
throw them out the porthole!

Well, we deserve that.

Yeah, there's no way
he's gonna see us.

You wanna bet?

You forget that a cabin
stewardess has a master key.

Let me handle this, fellas.

Well, I knew I should've
barricaded the door.

Oh, Harry. Look,
you've gotta listen to me.

That's what you think, Rose.

[WATER RUNNING]

Harry, you can run
the water all you want.

I know you can still hear me.

HARRY: ♪ Over there, over there

♪ Send the word
Send the word over there

BOTH: ♪ That the yanks
are comin' The yanks...

What's going on in there?

I'm not sure, but I think
they're singing in the shower.

You gotta hand it to the sarge. He
don't hold a grudge long. [LAUGHS]

- HARRY: ♪ Over there - Harry?

- ♪ Send the word,
send the word - Harry!

- ♪ Over there - You
know that I can last longer

- than your voice can!
- ♪ The yanks are coming...

♪ The yanks are...

A real lady would've
left after the first chorus.

A music critic would
have left before that.

Oh, Harry, I just
want to say I'm sorry.

Rose, what you did to me
hurt me more than anything

that ever happened
in the whole world.

Harry, I admit that I was dishonest
when I first played up to you.

But not after that.

Oh, Harry, can't you tell
true emotion when you see it?

- Yeah.
- Oh!

We've got a great
thing going here.

I know we've got
a great thing going.

So how can you let those three bozos
talk you into a rotten trick like that?

Oh, I'm glad they did. If it wasn't
for them, I never would have met you.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Boys, we're gonna have
to get together in years

and celebrate our
th anniversary.

Yeah, but Sarge, in years,

it'll be our th
anniversary from Korea.

I don't mean our
th anniversary.

I mean our th anniversary.

- Yeah!
- Let's hear it!

[CHEERING]

Attagirl, Rosie!

All right. Fall in!

Forward march!
Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!

- It's been quite a trip.
- Yeah.

- Thanks for everything.
- Ah...

As Dorothy said to the Scarecrow,
"I think I'll miss you most of all."

Just let me know if
Gwen Jr. Is a him or a her.

- Or a them.
- [LAUGHS] For sure.

Well, since I hate
long, teary farewells,

I guess I'll just
turn quickly and go.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Dennis!
- I was hoping you'd remember me.

- I thought you...
- Gwen, I owe you an apology.

The reason I left
was purely male ego.

- It was?
- Yes, it was.

But the reason I've come
back is... is purely female love.

Oh!

Let's go.

Well, you two, I'm off. Thanks
for an interesting cruise.

Goodbye, Mr. Martin.

- Uh, Gopher.
- Hm?

Before I go, I wanted
to ask you something.

Sure, Rick, sh**t.

Well, I never thought
I'd be asking you this.

But, uh, what's your secret?

I mean, how did you get such
a good thing going with Julie?

Rick, my boy, you
know the key ingredient

to a solid relationship
with a woman?

- No.
- Start with a friend.

- I don't get it.
- Didn't think you would.