04x09 - She Stole His Heart/Return of the Captain's Brother/Swag and Mag

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest reward

♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile

♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love

♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪

- Uh...
- No, not yet.

- [SIGHS]
- Relax, they'll be here.

I know. I'm just
a little excited.

My younger brother is
finally getting married!

Don't be so sure. The
last cruise he was on,

he brought a woman he was supposed
to marry, and that didn't work out.

Yes, but this time, it
looks like the real thing.

According to Marshall, she's
beautiful, considerate, intelligent...

and inherited a
fortune in silver mines.

That sounds like
the real thing to me.

There they are!

- Marshall!
- Merrill!

I'd like to have you meet Natalie
Martin, the future Mrs. Marshall Stubing.

- How do you do, Ms. Martin?
- Oh, don't be so formal, Merrill.

You're going to be my brother
in a couple of days. [CHUCKLES]

You know, I still
can't believe this.

That you, of all people,
are finally settling down.

Merrill, I'm a changed man.

Why, from the day I met Natalie,

I haven't so much as
looked at another woman.

Oh.

Marshall.

- Darling.
- Annette?

I knew we'd meet again.

- Uh, Annette, I'd like to have you meet...
- Later.

And you will have a
wonderful trip this time.

Oh, darling.

Excuse us, Merrill, we
have to go to the cabin

for a pre-nuptial chat.

Come along, darling.

Boy, that's what
I call handsome.

Yeah, beautiful.

Don't look tough enough, though.

That photographer was
supposed to make me look tough.

He was only a
photographer, not a magician.

Hello.

Hello, young lady. I'll
sign that for you today.

- Swag loves ya.
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

DARRYL: All right, there you go.

Swag loves ya.

It's him!

It's Steve Swaggert,
Private Eye!

- ISAAC: Oh, yeah.
- Wow!

What a guy. He's the greatest!

- Relax, Vicki, he's just an actor.
- Just an actor?

All the cruise ships voted
him TV hero of the year.

That's why he's
here, to get an award.

Personally, I voted
for Miss Piggy.

Welcome aboard, Ms. Huggins.

You're on the Fiesta Deck,
and that's one deck down.

Thank you, I've never been
on a ship like this before.

You see, I'm from Oklahoma City.

[SOUTHERN ACCENT] And
Oklahoma City is mighty pretty.

Yes, this is Burl Smith,
our assistant purser.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Thank you.

You can go right through
those doors and down...

If there's anything that I
can do to show you the way...

Oh, no, no, no, that's
all right, I can manage...

Oh! Excuse me!

My fault. Are you
all right, Miss?

Yes, I'm, fine.

Just fine.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Welcome aboard, Mr., uh...

Parker. Dr. Elliot... Parker.

I'm sure I put my ticket in my wallet,
but my wallet seems to be missing.

Oh.

Why did I do it?

- There you go.
- Uh, that's all for now folks.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

Remember everybody,
Swag loves ya.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Welcome aboard. I'm Isaac
Washington, chief barman.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

This is Vicki, and she's
a real big fan of yours.

- Well, hi, Vicki.
- Hi, Mr. Swaggert.

Call me Swag.

- This is Maggie Cook, my agent.
- How do you do?

Really? His agent.

[CHUCKLES] No big deal, it's better
than being Maggie Agent, his cook.

Yeah.

Well, you're on your own, kid.

Could I have your
autograph, Mr. Swaggert?

I think you're just...
well, just wonderful.

You bet, Vicki.

It's Steve Swaggert!

And you know what,

next time I punch the lights
out of one of those bad guys,

I dedicate those
lights to you, okay?

Okay!

He's one of them
Hollywood phonies.

I'd like to see
him in a real fight.

Now, come on,
Joe, don't start up.

Hey, relax, I came on this
cruise to have a little fun.

Boo! [LAUGHING]

You see him jump?

"TV hero of the year." Hmm!

You're not gonna let him
get away with that, are you?

Well, Vicki, if there's
one thing I've learned,

fighting it out on those
mean streets, it's...

"Sticks and stones
may break my bones,

but words will never harm me."

[HORN BLOWING]

I'm telling you, Annette
means nothing to me.

Mm, you could've fooled me.

- Natalie, you know I love you.
- Mm-hm.

- Annette and I are just old friends.
- Yes, we know how old.

Oh, you're gorgeous.

Just a minute, dear.

But I haven't gotten
to the fun part yet.

- Tell me something.
- Mmm...

Would you love me if I didn't
have twenty million dollars?

Natalie... I'm hurt.

How can you even
ask me such a thing?

I'd love you if you only
had ten million dollars.

I'm serious. Look,
something has happened.

I've been trying to tell you,
but I haven't known how.

Well, just say it.

It's best that we keep no
secrets from each other.

It's the business.
I'm wiped out.

Wiped out?

The silver mines haven't been
producing the way they used to.

Oh, and you know how crazy
the market has been lately.

Wiped out?

If you want to change
your mind about us...

Natalie, you know I love you.

You're not gonna get
rid of me that easily.

Oh, Marshall...

Mmm. Let's celebrate!

Right!

[NATALIE CHUCKLES]

The marriage vows say
for richer or for poorer,

but never for "wiped out".

Reminder...

the fourteenth of the month,

confirm reservations for next
month's psychiatric convention.

And, return case history
and files to Dr. Swartzenkopp.

Oh, hi!

I'm Mary Sue Huggins,
and I was just walking by

and I saw your door was open.

Remember me? You
bumped into me before.

- I bumped into you?
- Mm-hm.

Oh, my, what a
cute little cabin.

So cozy and masculine.

- Am I disturbing you, Mr...?
- Parker. Dr. Parker.

Doctor, ohhh!

Oh, what pretty luggage!

[GASPS] Oh, and all your clothes

still so neatly packed,
and so neatly wrinkled.

ELLIOT: Look, Miss...

I hear they have a marvelous
buffet on the lido deck.

[GASPS] My goodness,
Doctor, what's that?

- What's what?
- There, on the floor.

- Underneath your luggage.
- My wallet!

You'd better be more careful,
Doctor. Somebody might steal it.

Well, nice seeing you again.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Oh, no!

I did it again!

Marshall darling, here you are.

Annette.

Remember at Carnival in Rio?

[CHUCKLING] Do I?

Nobody shakes the
maracas the way you can.

And you were a
wonderful audience.

Listen, my sweet. I don't
know what you have in mind,

but I think it only
sporting for you to know

that I'm getting
married in two days.

Two days, that's wonderful. Rio
only took us one long, hot night.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You may not believe this, Annette,
but from now on, I'm a one-woman man.

You, a one-woman man?

Well, maybe a woman-and-a-half.

A woman-and-three-quarters,
tops.

I think I better go
before I lose count.

Excuse me.

[PLAYING UPBEAT MELODY]

Hi.

- Hello.
- Oh, hi, Mary Sue.

Have y'all seen, um, Dr. Parker?

I haven't seen him.
You seen him, Julie?

- Uh-uh.
- Haven't seen him.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

Well, guess I'll just go
get something to eat.

Okay.

Looks like Oklahoma City
is carrying a king-sized torch.

Here comes the old
heartbreaker himself.

JULIE: Hmm.

You go get the good doctor.
I'll meet you at the Caesar salad.

Check.

Dr. Parker, you look famished.
Let's get you something to eat.

All right.

Would you like
some Caesar salad?

Ew, never. I hate
anchovies. Ugh!

- Gopher!
- Julie McCoy!

- I have been looking all over for you.
- Me, too.

- Would you please excuse us.
- Okay.

Excuse me.

Well... I thought that
you weren't coming.

Well, I... lost track of the time. I
seem to have misplaced my watch.

Oh, how terrible.

But I wouldn't worry about
it, you'll find it sooner or later.

I hope you're right.

Yeah, it'll probably turn
up where you least expect it.

You know, like in a
pocket or something.

Here! Uh, let me
get you some salad.

Oh! Looks absolutely
yummy, doesn't it?

Oh, all those
anchovies and croutons,

and more anchovies
and croutons...

- [LAUGHTER]
- A toast!

May your seas be calm,
may your skies be clear,

and may all your storms
blow away quickly.

Or, in the immortal
words of John Paul Jones,

- "Down the hatch."
- [LAUGHS]

Marshall darling, how
sweet of you to insist

I should have dinner
with you tonight.

Remember where we had
dinner last time in beautiful Paris?

Didn't we have a wonderful
time? Remember, my darling?

I just adored it. Let's
go back to Paris, okay?

Doesn't ring a bell.

Of course you remember, darling.

The dinner was wonderful, but
it's the dessert I'll never forget.

I don't remember!

You don't? You kept on
coming back for some more.

Natalie, darling, let
me congratulate you.

Your future husband
has a fantastic appetite.

[FORCED LAUGH] Yes, he
has a very healthy appetite.

The only difference...
the menu has improved.

[CLEARS THROAT]

It was really neat in that show

where Swag was thrown
out of that third story window

and he landed on his feet
and he kung-fu'd bad guys.

I hate to break
this to you Vicki,

but he has a stuntman
who does it for him.

- Maggie, Maggie...
- You do?

Only in the interest of
saving time, my dear.

Sorry I'm late, I went back
to the room to get something.

Vicki, I'd like
you to wear this.

Wow, a Steve Swaggert badge!

Thanks I'll never take it off.

Well, in the shower, maybe.

Wait till I show
Captain Merrill!

[CHUCKLES] She's wonderful.

- Yes, she is.
- If only you were that easy to impress.

Why can't you be like that?

She hardly knows me,
look how impressed she is.

Well, you answered your own
question. She hardly knows you.

Hey, are you still
babysitting this guy?

- Oh, no.
- Why don't you come out with me,

and I'll show you what it's
like to be with a real man.

Sorry.

What's the matter? You one
of those Hollywood broads

who thinks she's too good to
go out with an ordinary guy?

MAGGIE: Not at all, Mr. Lujack.

I would love to go out with
you, except for one reason.

Oh yeah, what's that?

Well, I make it a rule
never to go out with a man

whose neck size and
IQ are the same number.

- Come on, Joe.
- It's okay.

Feisty. [CHUCKLES]

- I like 'em feisty.
- Come on, Joe, I'll buy you a beer.

Tell 'em to put a head on it.
Lord knows you could use one.

Maggie!

You really stood up to that guy.

One of us had to.

Being a psychiatrist
must be just fascinating.

There is a certain
satisfaction in helping others.

Oh, helping others. Oh!

I think that's so
very, oh... noble.

Well, let's just say it's...

a simple dedication to mankind.

Oh, yes, that's it exactly!
Helping your fellow man.

[GIGGLES] Or... woman,
as the case may be.

You almost sounded as if
you were including yourself.

Me? Oh! [LAUGHING] No, not me!

Absolutely not.

But I do have this friend
who has this little problem...

Ms. Huggins, when a person describes
a friend's problems to a psychiatrist,

we can usually assume that
her friend is merely a fabrication,

and that, in reality, it is she
who is making a cry for help.

Help.

Well Isaac, I guess
we'll be moving on.

- Keep the change.
- Thank you.

Let's go, Guy. Come on.

Isaac, you know that fellow
who was sitting here before?

- You mean Mr. Lujack?
- Yes, Mr. Lujack.

He's an old friend of mine.

I wonder if you could get
him out of his cabin by :?

I'd like to play a little
practical joke on him.

Gee, I'd like to help you,
but I'm on duty till midnight.

- Oh...
- Hey, hey, I'll do it.

- I love practical jokes.
- Would you? That'd be great.

If you'll just buy him a
drink, it'd be a big favor.

Sure, no problem.

[DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

Now, Natalie, you know
how it is with old friends.

Annette means absolutely nothing to
me. You're the woman I'm gonna marry.

[CHUCKLES] I know
that and you know that.

But does she know that?

Ms. Vargus, you're the most
glamorous woman I've ever met.

Thank you, Captain,
dear. And how true.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Actually, I didn't mention your
beauty only as a compliment,

but also as a warning.

You see, when it comes
to beautiful women,

my brother is like a kid
let loose in a candy store.

He can't keep his
hands off the bonbons.

But he is on my
ship to get married.

Captain, dear, you don't
think I would look at a man

who's getting married in
two days? That's taboo.

Darling, do you know
what I've been just thinking?

What?

In less than hours, we're
going to be man and wife.

Isn't that funny?

I was just thinking
the same thing myself.

[LAUGHS]

Captain, dear, you
dance beautifully.

Thank you.

[MUSIC ENDS]

[APPLAUSE]

Don't tell me
you want to cut in.

It's :, didn't you promise to have
Mr. Lujack out of his cabin by now?

Oh! I forgot!

Darryl, where are you taking me?

I don't want to do this, but
he didn't leave me any choice.

You mean that guy, Lujack?

- Oh, forget him. He's nothing.
- He can insult me all he wants to,

but he makes a pass
at you, that tears it.

- Really, Darryl, don't.
- No, no, no.

Don't try to talk
me out of this.

Darryl Brewster here.
Lujack, I know you're in there.

You started this, come
on out here and finish it.

Probably too scared
to come to the door.

Listen to me, Lujack, I want you
on the lido deck at noon tomorrow.

We'll settle this once
and for all. You got it?

That ought to take care of that.

Anytime you're
ready, sweetheart.

It was courageous of you
to confess, Ms. Huggins.

You see, kleptomania
is a form of rebellion.

You're so understanding, Doctor.

It stems from a deep,
underlying anger,

a feeling that you're not
getting enough out of life.

So gentle and kind.

By taking my wristwatch,

you were simply acting
out an involuntary impulse,

displaying a need
to be acknowledged.

To be loved.

Yes.

Yes!

Of course you realize,
therapy is hard work.

You'll have to spend a
lot of time with a doctor.

Oh, yes, Doctor, lots and lots.

I guess we could start
therapy right here on the ship.

Oh, I think with a problem
like mine, every second counts.

- We could meet for breakfast.
- About eight o'clock?

- Good night, Mary Sue.
- Good night, Elliot.

Oh, um... here's
your fountain pen.

Sorry.

- Uh, Darryl...
- Huh?

Is something wrong?

No, no, of course not.

Oh! [LAUGHS]

Yeah.

- Are you sure?
- No... Uh, yes...

Uh, no, nothing's wrong.
[CLEARS THROAT]

I just want you to
know something.

I think that challenging
that gorilla to a fight

is probably the
dumbest, most childish,

most foolish thing
I've ever seen you do.

Uh, you know...
you know, Maggie...

And I have never
been so flattered...

in all my life.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

Oh, Maggie.

Good night.

Good night.

Marshall, aren't you
getting a wee bit sleepy?

No, I'm not tired.

I think I'll go visit Merrill.

I'll, uh... save you a place.

NATALIE: Marshall...

- You forgot your key.
- [PATTING POCKETS]

Oh, well... [CHUCKLES]

I shouldn't do that, should I?

Don't be long.

Reminder: in the case
of Mary Sue Huggins,

I think there's a bigger
problem here than I first realized.

[RHYTHMIC KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Oh, hi...
- Eight o'clock. Time for breakfast!

Uh, meant to call
you, I can't make it.

Why not?

Too much work to
do, I'm very busy.

But I thought...

- I mean, everything seemed to be...
- I said I can't make it, Ms. Huggins.

You'll have to excuse me.

[WHIMPERS]

Mr. Lujack, could I
have a word with you?

Hey, you're a little
early for the fight.

What's the matter,
couldn't wait to get beat up?

That's what I want
to talk to you about.

You're not chickening out.

I have a business
proposition for you, Mr. Lujack.

Oh yeah, what? I'm listening.

I would... like you
to... take a dive.

Are you kidding?
[LAUGHS] Let you win?

Five hundred dollars.

I get it. You don't
want your public

to see that pretty face of yours all
covered with knuckle prints, right?

Something like that.

Do we have a deal or not?

We got a deal.

Marshall, I want to talk to you.

It's about Annette.

- She's a troublemaker.
- Don't lecture me about Annette.

- I have enough trouble without her.
- Natalie?

[SIGHS] I'm not sure
she can support me

- in a manner to which I'm accustomed.
- What do you mean?

She says she's wiped out.

You've got to be kidding.

Well, wiped out or not,

Natalie is the best thing
that's ever happened to you.

She's warm, she's
loving, she's fun.

She's everything you
should want in a woman.

Don't ever let her get away.

- Look, Merrill...
- So she doesn't have money.

Working for a living
is not that terrible.

You can't be serious.

I'd never let my wife work!

- Hi, Mary Sue.
- Hi.

Hi.

Hey, we can't have you looking so
glum. It's against company policy.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

Last night, Elliot... I
mean, Dr. Parker...

seemed so affectionate,
and then this morning he just...

Oh, never mind.

It's just that he doesn't care about
me except in a purely professional way!

Professional?

Well, there was this little problem
he was helping me out with.

I'm all better now.

Oh.

Hmm, I'm glad
you're all better, but...

it's too bad you don't
still have your problem.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, I'm glad your problem is cured.

But if it weren't,

- you'd still need to see the doctor.
- Yeah?

Seeing the doctor professionally

is better than not
seeing him at all, isn't it?

Hey, I think I'm beginning
to get that old feeling again.

- [CAMERA CLICKS]
- There we go.

I'll have an eight-by-ten and a
couple of wallet-size of that. Thank you.

Have a good day.

My two favorite ladies,

locked in mortal
combat. How's it going?

Swag, are you really
gonna fight that Mr. Lujack?

Vicki, my dear, there comes
a time in every man's life

when he simply must stand
up for the things he believes.

Darryl, if you're doing
this to impress me, forget it.

I like my men alive
and in one piece.

Have no fear, my dear.

JOE: All right, Hollywood.

I've been looking all
over this boat for you.

Come on, put 'em up.

Mr. Lujack, as much as I
abhor the use of v*olence,

I'm afraid, sir, that I'm going
to have to teach you a lesson.

JOE: Any time you're ready.

Well, then, you stop
talking and start fighting.

Oh, I've been waiting for this.

Ow.

Oh, you Hollywood phony.

You haven't got enough
money to make me take a dive.

A dive?

Oh, but Maggie,
I... Swag, come on.

Swag always wins in the end.

Honey, that's only
when I hire the writers.

Here you go, a Bloody Mary for
you, and a Shirley Temple for you.

I put two cherries in it because you
look like you could use a pick-me-up.

He just lay there, holding his
jaw. He didn't even try to fight back.

And now the whole
ship has heard about it.

I had to cancel the TV Hero
of the Year Award tonight.

Wait till the newspapers
get a hold of that.

Isaac, I've been looking
all over for Doc, I...

I think my jaw's broken.

Oh, I doubt it, Mr. Brewster.

If your jaw were broken,
you wouldn't be able to talk.

Oh yeah, that's right.

Sure hurts.

Hi.

Hey, look, I know I
did something wrong...

Yes, you did.

You forgot to bring
your stuntman.

She's only a kid.

That's just it.

At least, until now, I
was able to fool the kids.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Excuse me!

What is this?

Old Stickyfingers did it again!

- I just couldn't help myself!
- You mean...

Yep, something snapped,
right after I had breakfast.

Alone. I went
completely berserk!

- If I'd only realized...
- I'm... I'm out of control.

I mean, it's hopeless.

You were right not to
want to see me anymore.

- I'll never be cured.
- Now, don't worry.

When you get home, I'll put
you in touch with a good doctor.

Yeah, but what about now?
I'm trapped on this cruise.

If I'm not careful, I'm
liable to steal the ship.

It's my fault.

I must have somehow
triggered the wrong response.

I'm so ashamed. Now
everybody's gonna find out.

No, they won't...

I'll think of some way to get all this
stuff returned to its rightful owners.

Yeah, but what's the use?

Sooner or later, it'll
just happen again.

Another purse, another wallet.

Maybe even a
nice pair of earrings.

Not anymore. Mary
Sue, I'm staying with you.

- You are?
- Every minute, day and night.

Oh, thank you, Doctor. I just
know I'm bound to be cured.

And I'll really be grateful
to you, especially at night.

[SOFT JAZZ PLAYING]

It's so sweet of you, Elliot,
taking care of me like this.

You're going to
be fine, just fine.

Yes, I know.

I'm gonna be fine, just...

fine.

- Just abs...
- Sorry. You were regressing.

I had to do something
to distract you.

That's all right, Doctor,
you just do what's best.

Excuse me, Ms. Huggins.

Did you get all of those wallets and
things back to the lost and found yet?

Oh, I got you. Still need 'em for
your little scavenger hunt game, huh?

Well, that's okay, just get
them back when you can,

'cause I'm responsible
for all that stuff.

Good evening.

Game, huh?

- Elliot, please, you don't understand.
- I'm afraid I do.

Ms. Huggins, honesty is the most
important element in a relationship

between a doctor and a patient.
Not to mention a relationship

- between a man and a woman.
- [APPLAUSE]

- [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]
- Elliot? Please, wait!

I can explain!

You wait here, my peach.
I'll get us some more drinks.

- Don't be too long, darling.
- Be back in a jiff.

Isaac, my man, two
martinis, if you please.

Sure. And listen, I'm
putting these on the house.

- Kind of a wedding present, okay.
- Why, thank you.

All right.

Marshall, darling, haven't
you forgotten something?

Oh! You're right. Uh,
make them extra dry.

Last night. The key I
gave you, you didn't use.

I'm sorry, love, but
I simply couldn't.

My playboy days are over.

It's true. From now
on, I'm a new me.

Uh-huh. :
tonight, in my cabin.

I'll see if the old
me is available.

Hello, Doctor. Ms. Huggins
asked me to give this to you.

- That's my tape recorder.
- Yes, she'd like you to play the tape.

- Thank you.
- Bye-bye.

MARY SUE: [ON TAPE] I'm
sorry I had to lie to you, Elliot,

but it seemed like the only
way I could get to know you.

I'm embarrassed by
what I put you through.

I guess I messed everything up.

I'm sorry. I know I
keep saying that, but...

I guess it's because
I really am sorry.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES]

Hey, I was pretty good out
there this afternoon, wasn't I?

I can take on any of
those TV tough guys.

What are you gonna do next,
punch out Captain Kangaroo?

The captain should have
thrown that Lujack off the ship.

He would have, but the
agent lady asked him not to.

I guess they figured it
would be bad publicity.

I know how you feel, sweetheart.

I once saw Joe
DiMaggio strike out.

Captain, could I have a
second with you, please?

Of course, Mr. Brewster.

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

Are you sure you
want to do that?

Yes, that's what I want.

Excuse me, Julie. Okay.

Hi, Vicki.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[APPLAUSE]

- [DRUMROLL PLAYING]
- STUBING: Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a
last-minute change in our schedule.

I'm very pleased to announce that
our "TV Hero of The Year" presentation

will go on as planned.

[CROWD MURMURING]

And here to accept the award
is that very fine, young actor,

TV's Steve Swaggert,
Private Eye...

Mr. Darryl Brewster!

- [APPLAUSE]
- [PIANO PLAYING FANFARE]

[SLOW CLAPPING]

Thank you for that
applause, Mr. Lujack.

I... I know you're
my greatest fan.

Thank you, Captain.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am very
honored to receive this award tonight.

I know some of you may
be disappointed in me

because I'm not the man that
you see on your TV screens.

But the Captain said
something very important.

He introduced me as an actor.

That's what I am. I'm an actor.

I was lucky enough to
land a wonderful role,

but it seems I was
unlucky enough

to hit the deck when Mr. Lujack
teed off on me a little earlier.

Well, if you're disappointed
in Darryl Brewster the actor,

I hope you're not disappointed
in Steve Swaggert, the hero,

because I really think
we need heroes like Swag.

They remind us that there are
some virtues that are still worthwhile.

Justice and truth...

and sticking up for
the lady you love.

Congratulations, Mr. Brewster.

Thank you.

Well, um...

I thank you very much for the
"TV Hero of the Year" award.

I, uh...

Thank you.

[APPLAUSE]

I got your message.

But if you had listened to
the beginning of this tape,

you would have gotten mine.

ELLIOT: [ON TAPE] Reminder:
in the case of Mary Sue Huggins,

I think there's a bigger
problem here than I first realized.

I'm going to have
to work very hard

to keep our relationship
on a professional basis...

'Cause she's the most
fascinating woman I've ever met.

And I'm falling madly
in love with her...

in a totally
unprofessional manner.

Darryl?

Oh, Magg.

Uh, look Maggie, if you
came out here to resign,

I want you to know I understand.

Might be a little difficult
to represent an actor

who admits he's not the
character the public thinks he is.

I came out here to tell you...

how proud I was of you in there.

You made a disappointed
girl believe in heroes again.

Well, I'm glad about that.

She really loves you a lot.

Well, Vicki's a good kid.

Who's talking about Vicki?

I'm the disappointed girl
you made believe again.

I'm the one who
really loves you a lot.

Let Vicki start
her own fan club.

Maggie... Swag...
[BOTH LAUGHING]

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- STUBING: Room service.

Come in.

Well, I don't remember
ordering a captain.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I just want to wish you both the
best for your wedding tomorrow.

Oh, Merrill, how sweet of you.

Uh... where's Marshall?

Oh, he's out celebrating
his last night as a bachelor.

Well, that'll never do.

Come on, let's go meet him
and do some serious celebrating.

You know, I think I'm going
to like being in this family.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, I forgot my bag.

Won't take me a second.

Uh...

That's funny, the key won't fit.

Oh, allow me.

Thanks.

Hm.

Well, no wonder it doesn't
fit. This isn't your key.

This is for cabin .

Well, whose cabin is...?

Don't tell me. I think I know.

Uh, excuse me, Merrill.

I have some business
to take care of.

Darling, have a little bit more.

All right, but this is the last.

Oh, Marshall don't
be so suspicious.

I don't want to buy,
I just want to borrow.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Natalie, you're
making a big mistake.

MARSHALL: Now, listen,
Annette, it's not that I'm not tempted.

After all, I'm just
like any other man.

Well, maybe a bit more charming.

But there's something
you have to know.

There is only one woman in my
life, and that woman is Natalie.

Now, I don't care if she is
down to her last Krugerrand.

I love her and I'm gonna
marry her tomorrow.

Darling, there's still tonight.

Not for us, there isn't.

Natalie!

Uh... I can explain.

Sweetheart, you already have.

[LAUGHS]

Marshall, I'm
really proud of you.

And it's not the first time.

Come to think of
it, it is the first time.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[CLEARS THROAT] Nervous?

Me? Are you kidding?

The ring! Where's the ring?

I don't have it. The
best man has it.

Yeah, but I thought
you were the best man!

Didn't I tell you?

Someone flew in
especially to do the job.

Milo!

Marsh, baby!

[MARSHALL LAUGHING]

Let me look at
my little brother!

[LAUGHS] I can't believe it!

I was on this meditation retreat

when I, like, picked
up your wedding vibes.

So I hopped off the astral
plane and hopped on a .

It looks like you
haven't landed yet.

[THE BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYING]

Excuse me, that's my cue.

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

Oh... Oh!

[APPLAUSE]

- Congratulations!
- Bravo! Bravo!

[ALL CHATTERING HAPPILY]

Congratulations!

Man, that's too much.

Real groovy.

Outta sight!

You took the words
right out of my mouth.

And I'll always watch you. I'll
never miss your show, I promise.

Tell you what, Vicki, next
time you see me blow a kiss,

you'll know it'll
be just for you.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

- Thank you.
- Bye, Vicki.

Bye-bye.

Congratulations! I hear
you two are getting married.

You bet we are.

- You must be very happy.
- Oh, I sure am.

Agents get ten
percent, wives get fifty.

Ahh...
- Ahh...
- Mmm...

Maybe we can work something out.

Hey, Brewster.

Oh, no. Now, look, if you're
gonna take another poke at me,

let's make it someplace
it doesn't show.

I'm due back on the
set in the morning.

No, no, no, listen.

I just wanted to say that, uh,

I think what you
did took a lot of guts.

Now, if, uh...

you want to take a
bell at me, right here...

Go ahead, you owe me one.

No, no, I don't think
v*olence is the answer.

Why don't we shake
hands and be friends?

Okay, okay. I'd be
proud to be your friend.

[YELLING]

My, my, imagine that.

I had the last Steve Swaggert
badge still in my hand there.

- Would you like it?
- No, no. No, thanks.

Sorry about that, Lujack.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Maybe v*olence is the answer.

Just kidding.

- Thank you, Julie, for everything.
- Well, I had as much fun as you did.

Almost.

Good luck at your
convention next month, Doctor.

Hmm?

Oh yes, Mary Sue and I
are looking forward to it.

We just can't decide whether
I'm going to the convention

as his fiancée
or a case history.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Bye-bye.

- Bye.
- So long.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Mary Sue.

I got my wallet.
You got your watch?

I got my watch.
You got your keys?

I got my keys. You
got your fountain pen?

No, I gave it to you.

You two look so great together.

[CHUCKLES] Listen, if you ever
find yourself running short on funds,

you can always count
on your big brother.

Within reason.

That's awfully
nice of you, Merrill,

but I've just vowed to
take care of this woman.

Even though it may
mean... getting a job.

A job? Oh, there's no
need for that, darling.

Why not?

Well, we still have
three million dollars.

But I thought you said
we were wiped out.

Sweetheart, where I come
from, that is wiped out.

Natalie!

Uh-oh, trouble on
the starboard beam.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey, man, she's a
Virgo with Libra rising.

He's a Libra with a Virgo
rising, whatever that means.

Sounds like a match
made in heaven.