04x10 - Boomerang/Captain's Triangle/Out of This World

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest reward

♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile

♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love

♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪

[WHISPERING] Hello,
I'm Eleanor Green.

Could you tell me where
my cabin is, please?

It's Promenade .

[WHISPERING] Oh yeah, it's right
through these doors and to your right.

Why are we whispering?

Oh, was I? I didn't notice.

Uh, Ms. Green, why are
you carrying an antenna?

You know, there's no
television aboard ship...

Oh, that's all right.
It's not for television.

- What's it for then?
- Me.

- Did you see her?
- You mean Miss Rabbit Ears?

Eleanor Green.

Did you notice anything
peculiar about her?

- Yeah, she was whispering.
- She's a librarian.

She was carrying an antenna.

- She's an alien.
- You mean like from another country?

Another planet.

JULIE: Hello, welcome aboard.

WOMAN: Hello.

Well, hello, welcome aboard.

Hello, welcome aboard, I'm
Adam Bricker, the ship's doctor.

My cabin is adjacent to
my office. You can't miss it.

Well, I hope I won't have
to bother you, Doctor.

And vice versa.

- My name is...
- Oh, I know your name.

I've seen your face on millions of
magazine covers all over the world.

Miss Dayton, right?

- It's "Mrs."
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Let's see, yes you're on the
Promenade Deck, cabin .

It's through those
doors and to the left.

- Is Mr. Dayton joining you?
- Uh, no, he couldn't get away.

Thank you.

Hi, can I help?

We're in Fiesta .
Can you direct us?

- Yes, it's right through those doors...
- Hey, forget our room.

Point me to hers.

Forget it, friend.
The lady's married.

Perfect. Married
ladies are my specialty.

MAN: Come on, Lance, cool it.

[BOAT HORN BLOWING]

Welcome aboard,
enjoy the cruise.

Hey, sailor, this
is quite a boat.

Brad. Monica!

[LAUGHING]

- How are you, Skipper?
- I can't complain.

Look at you, you
look sensational.

I think you married a
witch. She doesn't age.

Oh Merrill, I love you.

I want you to meet my daughter.

Vicki, this is Captain
Wells and his wife, Monica.

- Well, hello, Vicki.
- How do you do?

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

I see you've been taking
pretty good care of my ship.

The same way you've
been taking care of my girl.

Monica, I think you blew it.

You should've married me
and let him keep the ship.

As I remember, he
asked me. You didn't.

- I never was very bright.
- Enough of this con job, Merrill.

- We'll see you after we get unpacked.
- Right.

Oh, Merrill, it's so
good to see you again!

[MOANS]

- Toodle-oo! [LAUGHS]
- Toodle-oo.

Wow, she sure
is a friendly lady.

- Mm.
- This is gonna be some cruise.

Hm.

[HORN BLOWING]

[CHEERING]

Morton, you don't really expect us to
believe Eleanor's from outer space?

When I noticed her unusual
behavior, I was skeptical at first too.

So I started hanging
around the library, watching.

You see, I'm a expert on life in outer
space and there's no doubt about it.

No doubt about it.

She is from the planet Romulac.

What makes you so sure?

Well, Isaac, there's
a lot of telltale signs.

One thing is, Romulites
are strict vegetarians.

They only eat herbs and flowers.

[CHUCKLES] Meat repulses them.

- Tulip tartare.
- That's amusing.

There she is.

Just watch her. I think
maybe you'll change your mind.

- Good morning.
- Eleanor. Remember me?

Morton Fowler, the library.

Morton? Oh yes. How are you?

I'd like a Gardenia
delight, please.

Could you bring it to
that table over there?

- Certainly.
- Thank you.

Nice to see you again, Morton.

I don't know, just seems
like an average girl.

Who carries an antenna.

Well, hi, how you doing?

Fine. This place really
swings, doesn't it?

It sure does. Too bad your
husband couldn't join you.

- Can you keep a secret?
- Yeah.

I'm not really married.

I just wear the ring because
I don't want to be bothered.

It's a quick way
to cool off a loser.

Oh.

What if you meet
somebody interesting?

I don't want to meet anyone.
I came aboard for rest.

Hmm. Well, good luck.

Do I need luck to be left alone?

Someone who looks
like you? And how!

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

You see that? You
know what she's doing?

Trying to tune the table?

Or maybe get Radio Free Pluto?

No, just watch.

That device is a very scientifically
advanced solar collector.

Eleanor's absorbing
all the sun's rays.

Wouldn't suntan
lotion be easier?

I know there's got to be a
perfectly logical explanation

- for what she's doing.
- Oh, there is, there is.

You see, Eleanor needs the sun.

Because she lives
half her life as a plant.

See? I knew there was a
perfectly logical explanation.

Morton, now wait, Romulites
spend half their lives as plants, right?

- Right.
- And yet, they're vegetarians, right?

- Right.
- Doesn't that make them cannibals?

[SIGHS] See you guys later.

Excuse me, fellas.

Eleanor, mind if I sit down?

- Oh, not at all.
- Thank you very much.

Hey, uh, what are you reading?

The Secret and
Private Life of Plants.

It's a bunch of lies.

I like to keep my limbs moist.

Here you go, one
Gardenia delight.

Thank you.

Shall we toast?

To a... better world.

I'll have another, please.

Double the flowers
and hold the booze.

Come in.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Are you busy?
- No, no, come right in.

How about a drink?
Gin and tonic, wasn't it?

- That's right.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Uh, where's Brad?

Oh, he's prowling around,

checking out what
you've done to "his" ship.

[CHUCKLES] Old
ships are like old loves.

You never really forget them.

Do... do you mean that?

Do I mean what?

You never forget an old love?

Oh.

Well, what I meant was, uh...

well you know, just
a figure of speech.

I've thought of you
very often, Merrill.

I've thought of you, too.

You and Brad.

The three of us had
some good times together.

I was thinking of the
good times we had.

You and I.

Before Brad.

Monica, that was
a long time ago.

You ever wish you could go
back and re-live parts of your life?

Do certain things over?

You know what that man
said, you can't go home again.

Why not? What's to prevent it?

Well... maybe because it's
been turned into a condominium.

[LAUGHS] Drink? Have a seat.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm, uh... I'm
embarrassing you, aren't I?

No, no, no! You're
not embarrassing...

We once had something
that was very, very wonderful,

and we let it slip away.

But... it's not
too late, Merrill.

- Monica...
- No, shhh... don't say anything.

Just think about
what used to be.

It can be that way again.

Toodle-oo.

Oh, boy.

What did I tell you? A whole
boat full of man-hungry women.

Don't panic girls, dinner
is about to be served.

Lance, you've just got
to come out of your shell.

You know, I think I'll
give her first crack at it.

The old professor is
about to go to work.

Here's a pencil, you
might want to take notes.

And, uh, if I'm not back
in a week, call the police.

Here, let me get that for you.

Looks awfully heavy
for a little girl like you.

Thanks, I think I can manage.

No trouble. Part of the service.

Here you are, Madame.

And what else can I do for you?

- Go away.
- Why don't we cut out of here...

- Huh?
- Get lost.

Surely, you're kidding.

Do you want me to scream?

I'm leaving.

Here's your pencil, professor.

When's your next class?

The whole thing is
just too crazy to believe.

Before you close your
mind, do me a favor, read this.

Titans of Romulac?

- That's science fiction.
- That's right, science fiction.

So is sending a man to
the moon, science fiction.

Do me a favor. Do me
a favor, please read this.

- Read it.
- Okay, all right, I'll read it.

Good. And if I'm right,

we will be responsible for
bringing two worlds together.

A whole new race will be created,
all because of our discovery.

- Our names will go down in history.
- Yeah.

And our children's
children will be proud.

- Only one problem, Morton.
- What's that?

If you're right, our children's
children will be geraniums.

Merrill! Merrill?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Merrill, it's me, Monica!

[CHUCKLES]

Not there.

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Come in.

Your wine, Ms. Green.

Cabernet Sauvignon, .

And it goes perfect
with your... steak!

You're eating steak!

Should I have
ordered the chicken?

No, it's just that, uh...

Well, Morton said you were
a vegetable... vegetarian.

He did? What else did he say?

Nothing, really... Just
that... [CHUCKLES]

He said that you were
from outer space. [LAUGHS]

Isn't that the silliest
thing you ever heard?

- No, not at all.
- It isn't?

I worked very hard
to make him believe it.

I don't get it.

Well, for months, I did everything
I could to get Morton's attention,

but he never even noticed me.

I knew he was a
science fiction nut,

because all the books he checked
out were about the planet Romulac.

So I began to study them.

I figured the one sure way to get
him interested in me was to act...

like a Romulite!

Incredible. Well, you've
really got him hooked.

Cause he even thinks that,
uh, you turn into a plant at night.

Then it's working.

I even got these.

In case he wanted
to meet my family.

Nice to meet you, folks.

Isaac, please promise me you
won't say a word about this to anyone.

Don't worry.

Who'd believe me anyway?

Is anything the matter?

I'm afraid you may want to
change tables assignments.

I'm at this one with
Lance Michaels.

Okay, I give up. What's
a Lance Michaels?

He's your friendly
neighborhood flake.

Well, you met him this
afternoon at the pool.

Oh, you're right, he is a flake.

Look, I'd like to apologize
for him. Lance is...

Well, he's an original.

They threw away the
mold after they made Lance.

Too bad.

They should've kept the
mold and thrown away Lance.

- Scott Hansen.
- Donna Dayton.

Hey, Scott, boy, listen,
the Dolly sisters and I

thought we'd catch the late
dinner. Then maybe later you'd...

Ooh.

Hey, it's Kismet!

This is really your
lucky day, you know.

- Oh, it is?
- You get a second crack at me.

Listen, I'll cancel the girls.
It'll break their hearts but, hey,

there's just not enough
of me to go around.

Then later, we will go dancing.

Too late, Buddy. She's
already got a date.

Got a date? But I thought she...

You sly dog.

One lesson from the old
master and you move right in.

I guess some of
your magic rubbed off.

Hey, you're learning.

I don't see why you're
settling for hamburger

when you could
have... prime rib.

Well, listen, I'll see you
at the dance, and um...

by that time, you'll be
ready for the first team.

[SIGHS] Thank you
for coming to my rescue.

My pleasure.

Actually, I think I'd like
to go to that dance tonight,

but if the first team's
gonna be there...

Would you like me to
run interference for you?

Unless you've got
something else planned.

I wouldn't want to
ruin your evening.

No, I had nothing
exciting planned.

- It might be fun.
- Good.

Shall we order?

Prime rib looks good.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I think I'd prefer the hamburger.

Morton, I've got to admit it.

That book about Romulites
visiting Earth... is pretty convincing.

So you are a believer now, huh?

No, I am not. I still do
not believe that business

about them turning into plants.

Hey, this is Eleanor's
room right here.

What...?

Quickly. See for yourself.

Go ahead, take a look.

That's Eleanor in
her dormant state.

Morton, that's a plant.

Are you trying to tell me that
a plant is in there reading?

Of course not.

She's obviously dozed off.

You're nuts.

- Gopher.
- Hmm?

Do you remember
chapter two in this book?

- Titans of Romulac?
- Yes.

Do you remember the invasion?

That is science fiction.

"as it was before."

So you see, they can change
form as easily as we change clothes.

Morton, come on.

How many times
do I have to tell you

that thing on the desk in
there is not Eleanor. It's a pl...

Oh, my God.

- It's true.
- Right.

- Thanks, Scott.
- For what?

Oh, for taking me to the dance,
for running interference, you know.

You make it sound like work.
I enjoyed it too, you know.

Good. I hope so.

- Are you going on the tour tomorrow?
- Yeah, why?

Well, I thought, if you
didn't have a date...

Well, I do now.

- See you in the morning.
- Okay.

[WHISPERING] Pssst!
Isaac. Are you alone?

- Yeah, I think everybody...
- Shh!

[WHISPERING]
Um... Yeah, I think so.

I missed dinner. Do
you have any food?

I can let you have some milk.

Okay, I didn't want to
go near the dining room.

Why didn't you
call room service?

I couldn't go near my room.

Oh.

Captain, why are we whispering?

Because, I don't
want her to find me!

Oh. Sure.

I'll go to the galley, see if
I can get you a sandwich.

Thanks.

- Hello!
- Huh?

Monica! [CHUCKLES]

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Kinda sloppy there aren't ya?

Yeah. [CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, where have you been?
I've looked all over for you.

I've looked in your
cabin, in your office.

Are... are you
trying to avoid me?

Oh, no, of course not, Monica.

Where'd you get a
crazy idea like that?

Maybe you feel I'm too old.

Too unattractive.

Monica, don't be ridiculous.
You're as lovely as ever.

Any man would be
proud to have you.

- It's just that...
- Oh! Oh, Merrill!

I was hoping
you'd feel that way!

Oops!

Darling, this place
is... is too public.

We need some place more private.

Lots more private.

- Monica, really.
- Later, my love.

We'll have the rest
of our lives to talk.

Toodle-oo.

[MONICA GIGGLES]

I hope you like tuna fish, Captain,
'cause it was all that I was able to...

Forget it, Isaac. I
just lost my appetite.

If you didn't want the milk, Captain,
why didn't you leave it in the bottle?

Hi.

Isaac, these books are amazing.

Did you know thousands of
earthlings have been kidnapped

- by Romulites over the years?
- Shhh. We're not alone.

GOPHER: Good thinking.

The answer to the
Bermuda Triangle is in here.

All those missing boats and
planes, they're on Romulac.

Every time the
queen comes to earth,

she takes back whole
shiploads of humans to her planet.

I wonder how she gets
'em through customs.

Isaac! I'm serious!

Hey, guys. I'm afraid I've
committed the cardinal sin of science.

What's that?

Falling in love with my subject.

You and Eleanor?
That's ridiculous!

Don't you remember what
happened to Colonel Buck Blake

in Prisoner of Romulac?

Of course I do.
But... I can't help it.

Morton, what if she's
not from Romulac?

Isaac, take my
word for it, she is.

Now, we just have to
find out if she's the queen.

The queen has a green birthmark
on her right shoulder blade.

The Romular Star.
We've got to find her.

Check the centerpieces
in the dining room.

Sure.

If Eleanor's got that star,
pick up your dry cleaning,

we're off to Romulac.

Oh, you animal.

Not funny.

You were making some
very fancy moves last night.

They were worthy of... me.

I wasn't making any moves.

I didn't have a chance. Monica
was all over me, like flypaper.

There must be something about
you I've been missing all this time.

The irresistible part.

I'm not laughing.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- You want a suggestion?
- sh**t.

Now, the lady is
not a gland case,

so obviously what she
needs to straighten her out

is more attention from her
husband than she's been getting.

You really think
that's all it will take?

If Brad just gives
her more attention?

Yeah, I guarantee it.

Course, with me,
it might be different,

but let's face it, how much can
it take to make her forget you.

STUBING [OVER PA]:
Welcome to Puerto Vallarta.

The weather is
degrees and clear.

[LIVELY MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING]

It's now or never.

We've got to find
out if she's the queen.

Right. If she's got a green star
on her right shoulder, that's it.

- That's it.
- That's it.

- Hello.
- Oh, hi, Gopher. Hi, Morton.

- Hi.
- Lovely day, isn't it?

- Uh, yeah.
- Beautiful day.

But hot! Boy, is
it hot. Really hot.

Whew! Boy, the heat is terrible.

And the worst
kind, too. Hot heat.

Aren't you dying
in that cover-up?

No, not really.

This is gonna be difficult.
She may be on to us.

Eleanor...

[CLEARS THROAT] Hey,
would you like to go swimming?

Boy, what a great idea!

Why don't we all go
for a dip in the pool.

Like that?

This is drip-dry.

We have to be more forceful.

I'd love to go for
a swim, Morton.

Oh great, great.

Well, yeah, boy, the water's
really great this time of the year.

Really great...

Will you excuse us, Gopher?

What's the matter, Gopher?

Ooh.

You look like you've
just seen a ghost.

It's all over. Eleanor's
gonna take us to Romulac.

I have to warn the
other passengers.

Don't do that. I'm sure
she won't do any harm.

How do you know? Why
are you defending her?

Well, Gopher, I promised
her I wouldn't tell,

- but the truth is...
- I knew it!

She zapped you. Turned
you into a Romulite.

Don't talk crazy!
I'm not a Romulite,

and nothing's gonna
happen, believe me.

I would believe you... if I
thought you were still Isaac.

You poor kid. You
haven't even begun to live.

- Hiya, Brad.
- Hey, Merrill!

They must be working your braid off. I
haven't seen you since we came aboard.

- Sit down, ease the load.
- Thanks.

How's your married life?
Still as hooked on it as ever?

It's, uh... it's all right.

Just all right?

Well, like all things,
marriage tends to level off.

There aren't as many
highs, but on the other hand,

there aren't as
many lows, either.

You make it sound
like an emotional rut...

comfortable, but boring.

I didn't mean that,
all I said was...

Since when does this
ship have a chaplain?

Come on Brad, you know this job.

The Captain is brother,
father, pal, confessor...

[CHUCKLES]

- Where's Monica now?
- She went into town, I think.

And you're here, reading.

Do you know what she's
gonna be doing later?

Well, she said something
about an exercise class.

And you'll still be reading.

And when she's playing
shuffleboard, you'll be taking a nap.

All right, Captain,
you made your point,

but there's something else
on your mind, isn't there?

Brad... the thing that kills
most marriages is boredom.

I'm too fond of both of
you to see that happen.

Do something about
it before it's too late.

JULIE [OVER PA]:
Attention all passengers,

we'll be leaving Puerto
Vallarta in one half hour.

ISAAC: Oh, didn't you
leave anything for the others?

SCOTT: Not an awful lot.

This lady's deadly
with a traveler's check.

- I see.
- Could we have two margaritas, Isaac?

- Certainly.
- My treat.

My pleasure.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Scott, you really are
a very special guy.

Well, thank you.

I've had more fun today...

more "fun" fun, without
any hassle, and...

- Well, you know what I mean.
- Yeah, I know.

Ah, here we go, two margaritas.

- Salud.
- Salud.

I just wanted you to know
how much I enjoyed it,

and I'm really looking forward
to the rest of this cruise.

Oh.

I got something for you today
when you weren't looking.

Do you like it?

You, uh, shouldn't have.

Oh, nonsense. Come here.

Uh, Donna...

Now, I don't want to
hear another word about it.

Let's talk about tonight, okay?

Can we go to the
dance after dinner?

I'm afraid not.

Oh?

I, uh...

I made other plans. I'm sorry.

No, no, it's not
your fault. I...

I guess I just assumed.
I shouldn't have.

Excuse me.

Trouble?

That's what I'm trying to avoid.

- STUBING: Hi, Monica, Brad.
- Hi!

- You go on, hon, I'll catch up to you.
- Okay.

- Bye!
- Bye.

You and your ideas. I've
taken an exercise class,

two dance classes, shot skeet,
drove golf balls, and now this.

You're gonna make
Monica a happy woman.

Or a widow.

- Ms. Green...
- Hello, Isaac.

Everything's going perfectly.
Like you said, Morton is hooked.

And so is Gopher.

He's in his cabin right now working
on his arrival speech to the Romulites.

I had no idea!

I think you'd better
reconsider your plan.

The idea was to get
Morton interested.

And now that you have,
what's the next step?

- I hadn't thought that far.
- Hmm.

Seems to me you have
to tell Morton the truth,

or else really take
him to Romulac.

And gas prices
being what they are...

But I'm afraid...

that when I tell him the
truth, he'll lose interest.

There's only one
way to find out.

I suppose you're right.

I'll tell him tonight.

And Gopher, too?

- And Gopher, too.
- Thanks.

Well, there's one
good thing about this.

I won't have to eat steak
in my cabin anymore.

You sly puss!

I didn't know you
could be so sneaky!

- It worked.
- What worked?

Well, your idea.

With all that dancing and jogging
and who-knows-what, Brad's exhausted!

He's been asleep for an hour.

Hold it right there!

Now, this has gone far enough.

I can't let you destroy your
life just because of some whim.

Whim? Merrill, I love you!

Monica, listen to me.

You don't want me.

You want what used to be.

Now, look, we all love playing
the game of remember when.

It's fun, it's sentimental, it
brings us closer together.

You don't know how a
woman feels when she's...

Good bye, Merrill.

I hope you never forget what
might have happened here tonight.

[SOBBING]

- Eleanor...
- Morton, I... [LAUGHS]

- Eleanor...
- Morton...

You first.

I've got a confession to make.

So do I.

- I know who you are.
- Morton, about that...

Eleanor, let me finish.

In spite of that, I've...
I've fallen in love with you.

Oh, Morton.

Eleanor...

You and I are from
two different worlds.

- Morton, I'm not...
- And it's not gonna work.

Your family tree...

is really a tree.

Morton, I'm not from Romulac.

I know that. It just won't work.

Morton, I'm not from Romulac.

From another planet?

Earth.

[WHISPERS] Earth?

I'm human... just like you.

But, that's impossible.
What about the antenna?

The flower-eating,
the Romular star?

It's all an act.

I watched all the books
you read on Romulac,

studied them up and
learned all their ways, but...

But I'm a fraud.

I see.

It was a convincing performance.

Unfortunately at my expense.

Goodbye, Eleanor.

Morton, wait. I didn't
do it to hurt you.

I just wanted you to notice me.

I tried time and again
to attract your attention.

Being a Romulite
was my last hope.

You mean you really
were attracted to me?

More than that.

I'm in love with you.

Why else would I go
through this insane charade?

You mean you did all that for...

Eleanor, you... you
really are out of this world.

Hi.

Hello, Donna.

I've been looking for
you. I wanted to apologize.

Oh, come on,
that's not necessary.

Yes, it is. I embarrassed you.

I guess I got carried away
and I pushed too hard.

Donna... it's over.

Well, it doesn't have to be.

I mean, I don't
want it to... I mean...

Oh, you know what I
mean. Do I have to say it?

I didn't want this to
happen. I'm sorry.

I'm not.

We'd better stop this. People
are gonna start watching.

Well, let's go someplace
where they can't.

Merrill?

Hey, I thought you were asleep.

I was, but an hysterical
wife woke me up.

- Was she really?
- No. She was too busy trying to decide

whether to laugh or
cry to be hysterical.

She said she made
a giant pass at you

- and you turned her down. True?
- Now, look Brad, don't blame her.

Merrill, you don't have to
protect her, I know her pretty well.

I've seen this
coming on for months.

But I just couldn't
get her to talk about it.

Whatever you said or did
seemed to pull the plug.

She talked up a
blue streak tonight.

I'm quite sure
she still loves you.

Of course she does. That
hasn't been the problem.

- Then what has?
- Monica's th birthday's coming up.

And somewhere, she got the
idea that it was all over for her.

That she wasn't
attractive to men anymore.

It was all downhill from
here. You know the story.

Sure, she wanted to
prove something to herself.

I was very relieved when I realized
it was you'd she decided to hit on.

Anybody else and I'm not sure
how I would have handled it.

I counted on you and it worked.

We talked out a
lot of things tonight.

She's convinced now that I
care, that I'll always care, and I...

I think it's given her the
security she seems to need.

That's great.

Well, that means you're both
ready for a second honeymoon!

[CHUCKLES] I think I'll go back to
her and get started on it right away.

She, uh...

She asked me to
give you a message.

She said to tell you it's safe
for you to go to the dance.

[BAND PLAYING MELLOW JAZZ]

Thanks, Isaac.

For bringing me back to earth.

You told him! And
everything's okay?

- Perfect.
- I'm glad.

Yeah, so am I.

Oh, thank you. Take
the rest of the night off.

Gopher! What are you doing?

Relax, Curly! Sit down!

- Take a load off your feet.
- Gopher...

Listen, I'm glad you here,
because there are a couple things

that I've wanted to talk to you
about for a long time, Merrill...

- Gopher...
- Gopher!

What kind of name is
that for a Captain? Merrill?

[SLURRING] Merrill.

- Gopher...
- Stay out of this!

You know, basically,
pretty nice guy.

But sometimes, you can
be a real pain in the rear.

Excuse us, Captain, Gopher and I
have to have a man-to-Martian talk.

Final instruction time, huh?

Mr. Smith, I'll see
you in the morning.

The only question is whether or not
you'll be going off with the passengers.

Wrong, Merrill!

Nobody is going off.

They're all going... up!

They're not going up?

I'm sorry Gopher, Eleanor
is not from Romulac.

She's just a normal,
average human being.

I tried to tell you.

You're not a... thing?

I'm a librarian. From Pomona.

Librarian from... She's a...
from Pomona, a librarian.

Captain? Could I
just have a moment?

Uh, there was just a very
small misunderstanding...

You're going to be a
very tough lady to forget.

Then don't try.

This doesn't have to end, Scott.

You're forgetting your husband.

There is no husband.

- But I thought that you...
- He's fiction.

An invention to keep the
Lances of this world away.

That's why I wore the ring.

But I didn't know I
was gonna meet you.

I see.

So it really doesn't
have to end.

Yes, it does.

I don't understand. I just
told you, I'm not married.

But I am.

[LAUGHING] I'm
happy for both of you.

I still don't think it was very
flattering that you turned me down.

I thought you were my friend.

Merrill, how could you
refuse a lovely lady like that?

No problem for a
man of noble character.

But off the record, every time
you left I took a bite of the furniture.

Toodle-oo.

You know, Scott, too bad you
bombed out with the married lady.

Could have been
a great deal for you.

Married ladies are the best.

No involvement, no hassle and,
uh, they always have to get home.

Ah, bye-bye. I see
you're leaving alone.

- Yes.
- Guess the ring did the trick for you.

- Here, you take it.
- Hm?

Next time I wear one of
those, it's gonna be for real.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Sir, is there anything
else I can do for you, Sir?

No, Gopher. Giving
me breakfast in bed,

pressing my uniform and cleaning
my cabin was more than enough.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure, sir. Any time, sir.

Anything you'd like, sir.

- Do you do windows?
- Out.

Eleanor and I want you
to be the first to know

that we're becoming engaged.

BOTH: Hey, congratulations!

Thank you. We're looking
forward to a "heavenly" wedding.

Ah...

I don't believe it. How
could I have been so gullible?

Yeah, everybody knows
there's no aliens on earth.