02x11 - Would You Wrather Watch a Ferret?

[bunniefuu]

(playing off-notes)


-What are you guys doing?
-(door closes)


The Wratherheads voted
"Be Backwards All Day."


I'd like to say today was the first time


my butt got stuck in a zipper,
but that would be a lie.


(playing off-note)


More importantly, what are you doing?
And how can we make it stop?


I need to learn how to play this.


The orchestra's only bassoonist
switched schools,


so I dropped violin temporarily
to save the day.


(plays off-note)


That's the sound of a hero.


Three straight days
with nothing scheduled.


I can't wait to have some me time
and catch up on movies.


Count me in.


We're gonna have to move the TV.


Sometimes I think this house is shrinking.
I'm going to the den.


No one go in the den!


I was setting up tomorrow's
"Would You Wrather" with some stink bugs


and accidentally sat on their leader.


Now they'll stop at nothing
to even the score.


I'm coming in, guys. I just wanna talk.


Shh!


Is it too much to ask for a place
to practice the bassoon in peace?


Why don't you just go to your room?


Upstairs is off-limits.
I just shampooed the carpets.


Which turned out to be white,
by the way. Who knew?


I'll just go practice in the kitchen.


Let me guess, another "Would You Wrather"?


Nope.


So... what are you up to today? Any plans?


(theme song playing)


Would you rather lose your phone


Or give up pizza for a month?


Share your diary with the world


Or have to eat it for your lunch


Sing out of tune to your friends


Or trip and fall into your crush?


Shave your head, paint it red


Or use your dog's toothbrush?


We need a little Q and A


Come on, Wratherheads, play along


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do that?


Would you rather do that?


Don't matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Or would you rather just dance?


Or would you rather just dance?


No matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do that?


(off-note bassoon music continues)


Charlotte, you're ruining my movie.


Well, your movie is ruining
my bassoon playing.


No. Your bassoon playing is ruining
your bassoon playing.


Sisters. Eyes on me.


I wanna bring my class pet Norman home,


but I have to get Mom's permission.


I need you two to back me up.


Ollie, do you really think that
watching a pet is such a good idea?


You're not the most... responsible person.


I mean, you're only wearing one shoe.


Joke's on you,


this one's not even mine.


What's up, Ollie? I got your text.


Briefcase? This seems serious.


Oh, it's very serious.


(clicking)


Oops. Wrong briefcase.


I believe that I'm ready to bring home
our class ferret for the weekend.


That's a big deal, Ollie.


Which is why my two sisters
will now speak on my behalf.


Bring it home, ladies.


Mom, Ollie is so ready to be
in charge of his class pet.


(mouthing) No!


We beg you. Please put this innocent
creature's life in Ollie's hands.


(both mouthing) No!


Ollie, I actually think
this will help you learn responsibility.


Permission granted.


Yes! I'm going to be a father!


Listen, girls, I have great news.
I just got a new house listing.


It's the big one at the end of the block,
the Wilcox house.


Ah! I heard that place has an arcade.


Yeah. And it's fully furnished.
There's also a spa, a tennis court,


an amazing home theater
with a giant screen...


Did you say home theater?


Yeah. And the Wilcoxes have already moved,


so they put me in charge
of the house until it's sold.


Go, Jenna! Sellin' houses!


Go, Jenna! I'm awesome!


(plays off-note)


(coughs) Whoops.


Saliva overload. Excuse me
while I drain my bassoon.


Coop. Mom is selling the Wilcox house.


No way!


I've been there. That place is huge.


Yeah, I'm going over tomorrow to chill
and watch movies in the home theater!


Mom's letting you do that?


Mom won't know.


Look. Her planner says
she's gonna be in the office all day


and the entry code is right here.


I'll have the whole place to myself.


Why would you need that?


-(teeth clicking)
-The teeth are in my pants,


someone get the scissors!


Go!


Hey, Fred. There you are.


I know we were supposed
to hang out on Sunday,


but I have to go with my parents


to look at summer camps
for my little brother.


Ooh, you should check out Camp Mosquito.


And why would I do that?


It's so much fun. Coop and I used to
go there every summer.


Both together:
Skeeter, skeeter, rah, rah, rah

Skeeter, skeeter, ooh la la


That seemed cooler when we were nine.


Ah, those were some of
the best summers of my life.


Yeah, except for that time I b*at you
in that leg wrestling tournament.


You just keep on winning, don't you?


Well, he does win at a lot of things,
but that wasn't one of them.


Eh, it was a long time ago.
He probably doesn't remember.


Actually, I do remember.


Fred cheated by starting
before the count of three.


Great kayaker though.


You know what,
it was a tough loss for him.


He cried.


-Hmm.
-I can see that.


I did not cry!


After I trounced my dear friend,


everyone at camp
started calling me "Captain Calves."


I thought they called you
"The Boy Who Pees Too Close to the Cabin."


There were bears out there!


Sounds smart to me. Let's go, Captain.


Ah! This place is awesome!


Ah!


I've never said this
to a piece of furniture, but...


(whispers) I think I love you!


(lock beeping)


-(door opening)
-Oh! Oh! (grunts)


Ah, I knew we'd get some alone time
"bassoon-er" or later.


(chuckles)


-Really?
-(screams)


What are you doing here?


I thought the place was empty,
so I came here to practice in peace.


Well, I came to watch movies
in peace. So...


Both together: Dibs!
Double dibs! Triple dibs!


What are we gonna do?
We've reached maximum dibbage.


Wait, we have this
entire place to ourselves,


so why don't I watch movies
in the home theater


while you stay out here
summoning evil spirits


with your giant saliva stick?


You're right. This place is so big
I won't even notice you're here!


Oh! Snazzy digs.


Are you kidding me?


Ollie, what are you doing here?


I was in the backyard
playing catch with my son here.


We saw you sneak off, so we followed you.


Ollie, Norman's cage isn't even locked.


-(Norman chittering)
-Come on, buddy. You gotta be responsible.


(cell phone ringtone playing)


Oh, no! It's Mom!


(inhales deeply)


Hello!


Yes, Ollie's right here with me
at the... library.


I'm banned from there!


We're actually at the... fro-yo shop.


Banned.


I mean the public pool.


Not in this lifetime.


Actually, we're not up to anything.


Um... maybe I can just drop off Ollie
at your office with you.


Hello?


She hung up. Works every time.


Are you kidding me right now?


Oh, are you referring to my


Camp Mosquito championship
leg wrestling belt?


I was showing Neve and must've
forgotten to take it off.


You had your Mom make that!


Cooper, you're getting way too worked up.
Accept the past and move on.


-You are so centered.
-Namaste.


That's it. I only lost
because you cheated.


I challenge you to a rematch!


I'm all in.


I'm gonna order you a hamburger
with a side of thighs!


Oh, it's on now.


Just tell me the time and place.


The Wilcox house.


It's got a huge basement
with plenty of gym mats.


Be there in one hour.


And I want witnesses. Lots of witnesses.


-Perfect!
-Perfect!


So, I'll go and tell everyone.


Both together: Perfect!


(high-pitched voice) I mean, thanks, boo.


(Norman chittering)


(screams)


Ollie!


I heard screams.


Did your bassoon playing
actually summon evil spirits?


Well, you showed up.


Norman got loose from his cage.


Kids, am I right?


Find him! If Mom comes here
and sees a loose ferret, we're busted.


(lock beeping)


(cell phone ringing)


Hi, Mrs. Wilcox. I'm at your house now.


Yes, I definitely think
people will be excited


about the bowling alley
in the guest house.


Uh-huh. Well, I should go.


I've got a lot of work to do
to prep the place.


Okay. Bye now.

(door opens and closes)


Okay. We need to find Norman
and get out of here


before Mom comes back inside.


Guys, I have an idea.


No offense, but we probably
shouldn't take advice


from the person who let him
get out in the first place.


You said no offense. But I feel offended.


(gasps) There he goes!


(lock beeping)


Hey, Cami, are you here?


Maybe she's in the theater.


All right, before we head down
to the basement,


let me just put this on.


What is that?


Oh. I made a real championship belt.


That's not official!


But darn if it isn't beautiful.


Get ready because
I'm gonna let my thigh fly!


Well, I'm gonna let my thigher fly higher!


Schooled.


Almost forgot my shoes.


Where'd he go?


We can't keep chasing him around all day.
We need to outsmart him.


Good luck with that.


He's basically
the smartest kid in my class.


I might have something at home
that'll help us catch him. Let's go.


Or you can...


just keep ignoring me.


Neve, I thought you spread the word.
Where are all the fans?


When you ask people to come watch
two boys leg wrestle in a basement,


you get some funny looks.


It's enough people
to keep you from cheating.


My man doesn't need to cheat.


Just because he's pretty
doesn't mean he's not strong.


Show him, bae.


Stand back, 'cause
this melon's about to pop!


(grunting)


Oh, yeah?


Well, so is this.


(yelling)


(grunting)


(screaming)


I don't know how to feel about this.


(grunting and yelling continues)


A sticky mat and a giant cage.
Which Would You Wrathers were these from?


They're from when Ollie was a giant rat.


I lost a lot of hair that day.


Yeah, we probably shouldn't
go with the sticky mat.


Fine. We'll just go with
the trap and Mom's leftovers.


Let's just hope he doesn't have
taste buds or a sense of smell.


Guys, Norman's way too smart--


Not now, Ollie.


Come on. Let's go.


(chittering)


He's toying with us. This ends now.


-(Norman squeaking)
-(Cami screams)


FYI, Ollie, I hate your son.


Don't worry. I got him.


Norman! Get back here.


Hey. It's stuck! Oh. There's a note.


"Jenna, please fix the vent cover.
The latch is broken."


What? I'm trapped!


Ollie, help! Ollie?


Sorry. I got hungry.


Welcome to the leg wrestling
event of the year.


The "Displacement in the Basement!"


You come up with something
that rhymes with basement.


-(turns on rock music)
-He's my boo


and Camp Mosquito's reigning champ.


He's easy on the eyes
and strong in the thighs.


Let's hear it for Captain Calves!


Whoo!


(music continues)


-(music stops)
-And his challenger, Carlton.


You know my name is Cooper.


One round.


Whoever gets flipped first loses. Ready?


One, two...


Wrestle!


(both grunting)


Whoo! Fred's got you
right where he wants you.


You're going down any second now.


-(yells)
-(grunts)


Any second now.


(yelling and grunting continue)


Any second.


How are you guys not free yet?
Mom will be back any second.


Oh, thanks for the update, vent girl.


What are you guys doing here?


Enjoying one of your week-old turkey legs.


You, madam, are an artist.


Cami?


Seeing that I can't come up
with a reasonable lie...


we were using the house
as a hang spot for the day.


Are you kidding me?
This is not your personal playground.


Do you kids even realize
you've put my job at risk?


Mom, what's with the bowling shirt?


What's that now?

Your bowling shirt.
Why are you wearing it?


And what's behind your back?


I was just... testing the bowling alley.


You know what? I don't have to
explain myself to you.


I answer to no one!


(cell phone ringing)


Everybody quiet! I need to answer this!


Hello, Jenna Wrather speaking.


Uh-huh.


Uh-huh!


Okay. Have a blessed day.


A potential buyer saw my sign
and will be here within the hour!


Congratulations, you!


I need you two out of here, now.


I guess now would be the time to tell you
we have one tiny problem.


Ollie's incredibly smart rodent is loose


in the house.


Actually, there are two tiny problems.


Hi, Mama. Love you.


(Fred grunts)


Flip him like a pancake, Fred!


Ooh, pancakes! I'm super hungry.


Actually, I could eat too.


Hello.


Victor's Pizza.


Yeah. Can I get one large anchovy.


Anchovies? The only thing I hate
more than those are Brussels sprouts.


Oh, and add Brussels sprouts.


You monster!


(both grunting)


So I've got a wealthy buyer
who will be here any second.


There is a wild animal loose
and a child stuck in the wall?


(cell phone ringtone playing)


Hey, Dixon! (giggles)


Nothin'. What about you?


Are you really doing this right now?


I gotta go.


(thud)


I dropped my phone! And I can't reach it.


(grunts) It's not budging.


Charlotte, we'll miss you.


You belong to the "Wall People" now.


-(knock at door)
-Man: Hello!


That's the buyer. Charlotte, shush.


Cami, Ollie, hide. And catch that rodent!


(gasps) You must be Mr. Daniels.


Welcome, welcome.


Thank you. Interesting shirt.


Well, I plan to bowl you over
with this amazing house.


I don't have a lot of time.


Well, then we don't have
a second to spare.


Let's start with the outside, shall we?


-Well, actually--
-Great!


Where is that beady-eyed little rodent?


He's actually a member
of the weasel family.


And also let's maybe
tone down the eye slams.


Wow!


Anyway, if you'd listen
to my idea, I think--


Over there! Let's get him.


Norman, get back here.


And now we're entering the great room!


Uh, through that door
is the cook's kitchen


with a double oven and island.


Over here is the fireplace.
Italian marble.


Ooh! Okay, we've seen enough of that.


Can we... slow down?


Well, you said
you didn't have a lot of time.


Hey, why don't I show you
the billiards room?


Whoa! (laughs)


You know what? Seen one billiards room,
you seen 'em all. Am I right?


Hey, pop quiz, you remember
what kind of marble this is?


(cell phone ringtone playing)


Is that music coming from the walls?


Uh, from the top-of-the-line
wall speakers? Yuh-huh.


Well, maybe turn them off.


Not until I do my rap


about how great this house is!


You got big 'ol windows
for lots of light


And ceiling fans
to keep you cool at night


There's a washer and a dryer
on the second floor


And a pool with a slide
and it's all indoor


Word


(screams)


Doesn't this house just
make you feel so alive?


-Who are they?
-Those are my kids. They're, uh--


Here to support our mother
who's an awesome real estate agent.


"Yes" said Ollie,
nodding his head in agreement.


-(knock at door)
-Ollie: Come in!


I have one large very gross pizza.


Nope. Wrong house.


Because this place has a pizza oven.


-Shall I rap about it?
-Please don't.


You know what? I think we're done here.


What? No wait!
Let me show you the upstairs.


(Mr. Daniels screams)


-(clattering)
-(Cami gasps): The kitchen. Let's go!


So, who's paying for this?


Pizza's here!


This way.


He's not in there. Man, he moves fast.


Hey, guys. I'm going deeper into the vent
to find another way out.


If I don't make it...
tell the world my story.


I'll be honest, Charlotte.
I probably won't remember.


(grunting)


Everyone wants to go home.


Maybe you guys should just
call this one a tie.


Both together: Never!


What if we asked the Wratherheads
to choose a winner?


Yeah. They can pick based on best form.
Which is clearly me. (grunts)


I got this.

Hey, Wratherheads. It's me, Neve.


-And the pizza guy.
-Hello. Still waiting to get paid.


Fred and Cooper are deadlocked in battle,
and we need you to pick the winner.


This needs to end.


What are the Wratherheads saying?


That they don't like seeing
you two in shorts.


I think you'll be surprised by...


-(both grunting, yelling)
-I give up.


Norman, get back here!


Is that a rodent?


(grunting)


(screams)


(yelps)


Fred wins!


I just never stopped believing.


I need ice.


What? No way!


There was ferret interference!
I call do-over!


Ah! And Norman's disappeared again!


I know how to get him back
if you'd just listen to me!


Please, Ollie. Help your Momma.


(clears throat)


(gruff voice) Norman, stop your rage


Kumma kumma kumma
come back to your cage


Norman, stop your rage


Kumma kumma kumma
come back to your cage!


(Norman chittering)


That's what we do in class
when he gets loose.


He's a metal head.


So as you can see,


there's room for a lot of
things down here.


(clanging)


-(Charlotte screaming)
-(Mr. Daniels screams)


(gasps)


Found my phone.


So, should I get the paperwork started?


Coop: Ow! Ow! Ow!


Both: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!


Ollie, how many times do I have to
tell you to lock his cage?


I did lock it. See?


Oh. So earlier when
we were "locking" the cage...


We were actually unlocking it.


Well, well, well,
who's missing a shoe now?


Still you.


Dang it!


I'm sorry, man.
Things got way out of hand.


Yeah, they did. Can we just agree


we're both awesome
leg wrestling champions?


I mean, we do both have belts now.


Although mine's nicer.


-Don't start.
-Okay.


Hey, Mom.


So how bad's our punishment?


No one's getting punished.


Yes, what you did was wrong, but...


I'm guilty too.


Look, I get it. It can be tough
living with this many people,


but we have to find a way to make it work.


You're right. Sorry, Mom.


Yeah, me too.


Good. Now that we've
all learned our lesson,


what do you say we get out
of this house and go bowling?


Banned.


-Movie theater?
-Banned.


What about the mall?


Look, we could do this all night.


Movies at home it is!


Ollie: Kids, am I right?