02x19 - Would You Wrather Live with Kramsky?

[bunniefuu]

Evening, Wratherheads.


And Jonathan. (laughs)


What are you doing?


I left my phone at school.


I know he watches your show,
so I wanted to say hi.


Oh, there he is. Hey, you.


He doesn't know how to spell your name?


(scoffs): It's just a typo...


is what I keep telling myself.


Anyway, Jonathan, I was thinking--


That we should get back
to something people care about.


When Ollie gets home from karate,


we're gonna surprise him
with whatever you guys choose.


So, would you rather
get a mud pie to the face,


or have the snot scared out of you?


-Vote now!
-Oh!


What is wrong with you?


Hey! Don't crinkle my leaves!


My gammy uses this to hide in the park
and freak out dog walkers.


I can't believe she used to be our mayor.


(computer chimes)


And you guys say, "Scare Ollie."


All right. It's on!


(low growling)


Mom, you're snoring again!


Roll on your side!


(growls loudly)


Hi, Coop.
Why do you look like our bus driver?


(in muffled, deep voice): Beware!
My demonic friend has a gift for you.


(roars loudly)


Aw, I love them!


I'm gonna name you Coco.


Ooh! And you're definitely a Becky.


(Fred growls)


(in gruff voice): And what's my name?


Fred.


(in normal voice): That was a bust.


(in normal voice):
The kid's not scared of anything.


Jenna: Ollie, turn off the TV.


It's time to do
your multiplication tables.


(screaming)


(whimpering): Make it go away.


It's not real.


It's not real!


(theme song playing)


Would you rather lose your phone


Or give up pizza for a month?


Share your diary with the world


Or have to eat it for your lunch?


Sing out of tune to your friends


Or trip and fall into your crush?


Shave your head, paint it red


Or use your dog's toothbrush?


We need a little Q and A


Come on, Wratherheads, play along


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do that?


Would you rather do that?


Don't matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Or would you rather just dance?


Or would you rather just dance?


No matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do that?


-Hey. Whatcha doin'?
-Making fresh mint lemonade for Mom.


How sweet!


So you're asking Mom for money?


My hockey team's planning a trip
to Toronto for a tournament.


Each kid's supposed to pay this.


(scoffs): That's not lemonade money.


That's fake tears money.


Here, take mine.


I don't need tricks. I'm just gonna ask.


Mom will see how important this trip is
and give me the money.


I love that you believe that.


Anyone up for some cool mint lemonade?


Please. I only drink stuff that's purple.


-Here you go, Mom.
-Thank you.


So I wanted to ask you something--


Just give me a minute.
It has been one of those days.


First, I had to pay
for Ollie's doctor visit.


Turns out it wasn't lice,
just cr*cker crumbs.


And we laughed!


See ya!


Then, on the way home, I get a flat.


Just everywhere I turn,


it's one unexpected expense
after the other.


Ugh. Sorry.


I don't mean to make my problems
your problems. What's up?


Uh, I just wanted to ask about your day.


Oh, thank you, sweetie.


I will feel better after a nice, hot bath.


Poor Mom.


Yeah. There's no way I could ask for money
after hearing how stressed she is.


Here.


Thanks.


Charlotte!


Something terrible happened
to your favorite sweater!


(squeals): Hi, Charlotte!


You look happy,


or like you have to go to the bathroom.


Yes, and yes.


All right, spill it.


I can't. It's a secret,
and I swore not to say anything.


Fred, everyone knows
you can't keep a secret.


(scoffs): That was the old Fred,


and also, Dixon's gonna ask
you to prom. (gasps)


Really? He said that?


He told a friend, who told me


and made me promise not to say anything.
(gasps)


(gasps): This is awesome!
I mean, I'm not surprised.


Dixon and I have been
hanging out a lot lately, but still,


this is gonna be my first formal!


Oh, this is wonderful!


If you need any advice on formals,
give me a shout.


I've been to four of them,
two of which I was invited to.

Why send a text to someone


when you can have me
deliver the message in song?


For five dollars.


Hey. Make any money for your trip yet?


Nope.


My only customer's been
the field hockey coach


who felt sorry for me.


Uh, hold on.


(blows pitch pipe)


Coach Dubbins has a message
So get ready to rock


She's pushing JV practice
Till four o'clock


Coop-a-gram.


Aw, yeah.


It's called tipping, Tina! Look into it!


Oh, man. What am I gonna do?


I only have till Monday
to come up with the hockey money.


Don't worry, Coop. I'll help you!


'Cause this, ugh, this is just sad.


I know. Until then, it's all I got.


Hey! Coach Dubbins has a message,
so get ready to rock!


I don't care if it's only
for a couple of days.


I'm hanging up on you.


Problem, Mr. Kramsky?


Oh, it's my wombmate, Crispin.


Roommate?


No, wombmate, 'cause we're twins, but...


yeah, we also live together. Huh.


He's been driving me nuts,
but I don't want to get into it.


Oh, good, 'cause I'm actually--


So his four best friends
are in town for the magic convention,


and Crispin invited them to stay with us.


I know what you're thinking.


Living with four amateur magicians
in a studio apartment


sounds like a dream come true.


Not what I was thinking.


I can't stand another minute in there!


You know what they're really good
at making disappear?


My toilet paper, and my self-esteem.


New uniforms. About time.


Glad to see that suggestion box
isn't just a wall decoration.


No. Jonathan's on his way over
to hang out, and I wanted to look nice.


(gasps): You think this is it?
The big prom-posal?


I have a feeling. (laughs)


Hey, can you record it?
I want a video of our special moment.


I'd be honored!


Is that really how
you're gonna wear your hair?


He's here.


Oh. Hey, Dixon.


Dixon: What's up?


Wow. You look like you could be
in a fancy cookie commercial.


Aw. (laughs) Thank you.


-Are you on a work break?
-I am now.


Uh, here. We can sit here. (laughs)


(farts loudly)


S-s-so...


What's up?


Uh... yeah.


(giggles)


Sorry, I just remembered
I have to do something.


Uh, I'll talk to you later?


Yep.


What just happened?


Y-you don't think that
he thinks that I just--


Farted?


Well, the rest of the room certainly does.


Cover me on the right.


Now move to your left.


Now fire, fire, fire!


-(male, gruffly): Game over.
-(sighs): You're not even trying.


Hey, Coop.
Wanna show this goober Ollie .


how to take down zombies?


I'm not in the mood. Sorry.


What's the problem?


My hockey team is heading
North to Toronto


But I don't have the money


So I don't think I can go!


You have the voice of an angel.


I know.


So why won't anyone hire me
to deliver singing messages?


We live in crazy times.


Well, I have to go to the mall.
The microwave just d*ed.


But at least I found a coupon.


That expired yesterday. Fun!


Anyway, dinner's gonna be a little late.
Sorry.


No worries, Mom.
The three of us totally get it.


Oh, thank you, boys, and...


mannequin I use to drive
in the carpool lane.


(lasers zapping)


Coop, I've solved your problem.


I figured out a way for you
to go on your hockey trip!


Follow me.


-What'd you do all this for?
-For our new renter.


Who paid in cash.


Who'd want to pay to live in our garage?


There he is.


Mr. Kramsky?


So, what do you think, Mr. K?


Oh, she'll do.


She'll do just fine.


All right.


Now I just need to fetch
my body pillow and my foot bath,


and I'll be good to go. (chuckles)


Oh, and, uh...


Don't tell anybody about pickles, here.


Don't want to ruin my street cred.
(chuckles)


Cami, what are you thinking?


Mr. Kramsky can't live in our garage.


It's only for the next two days.


His brother's friends
are driving him nuts.


When I told him Mom wanted to offer him
a place, he jumped at it.


Well, there's no way Mom's gonna be OK
with another person under her roof.


She's not gonna find out.


She only uses the garage in the winter,


and I told Kramsky
to only use the back gate.


She'll never know he's here.


You're right.


Well, I can go on my trip now.


This is awesome.


Yo, yo, yo!


Word is,

Old Man Kramsky
doesn't like students hangin' in his crib.


Huh. What a drag. Am I right?


See you bro-hams, in the a.m.


Jonathan had to know it was the chair
making that noise, not me, right?


If you say so.


It was the chair, Fred.


Charlotte, this ain't my first rodeo.


I've been using
the "it was the chair" line


since before I could walk.


It was the chair!


Let me see the video on your phone.


(farts)


Yikes! You might want to see a doctor.


It's clearly this chair!


Just show me the video.


OK. So far, all I see is you stealing
french fries off people's plates.


They were unguarded crinkle cuts.


What, am I gonna sit there and do nothing?


Charlotte (on phone):
Here. We can sit here.


OK, stop. Here's where I sit down.


(farts loudly)


Wait, wait, wait. Go back. OK, pause.


Oh, look at his face.


Jonathan is definitely
reacting to the noise.


He looks horrified!


Well, to be fair, everyone's
staring at you with disgust right here.


Look at me.
I can barely eat those strangers' fries.


But it's not fair!
I didn't make a whoopsie.


Just go talk to Dixon and explain.


And say what?
"Hi, Jonathan. How's it going?


By the way, I didn't toot earlier?"


-That does sound weird.
-Uh-huh.


(phone chimes)


-It's from him.
-What's it say?


We were supposed to hang later, but...


now he can't, because something came up.


Or out.


Of you.


Like a fart.


I'll stop now.


Cooper!


What's wrong?


Turns out Mr. Kramsky is a sleepwalker,


and sleep dancer!


I went to see
what he's doing in the backyard,


and he high-kicked my orange juice
right out of my hands.


Are you kidding me?


We need to get him back in the garage.


No way. Isn't there a rule?
Never wake a sleep...


dancer?


-Do you really want Mom to find out?
-Jenna: Find out what?


Find out how much I... love you.
(chuckles)


You've done something,
but you're not in handcuffs,


so I will deal with it later. OK.


School time.


Ollie, just make sure
your homework is in your backpack.


It never left.


Open the curtains.
Let's get some light in here.


I can't find my keys.


Do you guys see that?


See what?


Uh, there's nothing out there.


You don't see that guy? He's all...


Wait! I know what's happening.


Ollie's imaginary friend is back!


-Oh, yeah. Officer Wally!
-Aw!


It's Captain Wally.


Respect the chain of command.


He looks different, and not in a good way.


Aw, Captain Wally's back.


You know, a huge imagination
is a sign that you're a genius...


or a psychopath.


Guess we'll find out together!


Why would I ever make myself imagine that?


OK, so when Jonathan gets here,
I'm gonna get him to sit in "the chair."


Once he hears it make that noise,
he'll know I'm innocent of any...


unfortunate releases.


Hey, Charlotte.


Hey, so good timing. I'm on break.


We can chill and hang out, right here.


Sure. I mean, I have a team meeting
I have to get to, but...


-I can hang for a minute.
-Mmm-hmm.


Dixon, bro. Eat beans much?


-Wait. Nothing happened.
-Dixon: Beans?


-What?
-Hey, stand up.


I need to straighten your chair.


OK, sit again.


(sighs): The last shift must have
switched around the chairs.


Hey, I'll sit there.
You sit here. (laughs)


Actually, this table's horrible.
Let's try this one.


Sorry, guys. This table's broken.
Everybody up.


Lunchtime's over. Move along, freeloaders!


Here we go.


Are you kidding me?


So, uh, I'm gonna head off
to that team meeting now.


But isn't there something
you wanna talk about, or ask me?


Uh...


Not really.


(farts)


Yay! You found it!


Just one more night of Kramsky,


and you're on your way
to your hockey trip.


(distant drums playing)


Do you hear that?


Are those drum noises
coming from the garage?


Uh, yeah. It's Ollie.
He's playing with Captain Wally.


They're pretending they're in a band.


-It's so cute.
-Super cute.


Aw, OK. Well, I'll let 'em play
for another couple of minutes,


but then I have to go
park the car in the garage.


Why would you do that?


'Cause that's what people do
when a huge rainstorm is coming.


Is that pizza OK?
You guys don't look so good.


Ollie!


(huffs): Ollie!


-Ollie!
-Hey, guys.


I'm just jammin' out here
with Captain Wally.


I always wanted a fly nickname.


I know you can't see him,
but he's sitting right over there.


What do you mean they can't see me?


I keep forgetting. You don't know.


-Know what?
-Uh, Ollie!


Mom wants you inside.
She's got some pizza for dinner.


Ooh, I could eat some pizza!


Oh, Captain.
We really need to have that talk soon.


-OK, that was weird.
-Cooper: Mr. Kramsky.


Our mom has asked
that you move inside the house tonight.


She's worried about the incoming storm,
and the roof leaking in here.


Well, having been struck by lightning
on multiple occasions,


please tell her I appreciate the gesture.
(chuckles)


You were struck by lightning?


Yes. But luckily it's had
no lingering effect.


Pickles, stop screaming!


You know what the worst part is?


I found out from the coach
that there was no hockey team meeting.


Which meant that Jonathan lied earlier
to get out of hanging with me.


I'm sorry. Are you gonna be OK?


Oh, I'm not sad.
I was, but now I'm just angry.


I mean, he's acting all distant and lying


all because he thinks
I let out a squeaker?


You sure know a lot of ways to say "fart."


And I didn't. But so what if I did?


Flatulence is healthy.
It's just gas escaping the body.


I actually quite enjoy it.


It's no reason
to cut a person out of your life.


Testify. Who does this jerk think he is?


You know what? Next time I see Jonathan,
I'm gonna call him out.


I'm with you all the way.


And can I tell you a secret?


I'm rippin' a squeaker right now.


Is this the craziest thing we've done?


I wanna say top ten.


Anyone have a tongue scraper I can borrow?


No.


No worries. I'll improvise.


Let's go with top five.


OK, car's in the garage,
and I am headed up to my book.


-Love you, Mom.
-Sleep tight. (chuckles)


Oh, man. That was a close one.


It's OK.


Now it's just about
sneaking Kramsky up to Ollie's room,


and getting Ollie to bunk with you.


I'm bunking with Cooper?


Yeah, buddy. I thought it'd be fun.


I get it!


Captain Wally shows up


and now all of a sudden,
you wanna hang with me?


You had your chance.


Come on!


OK! To my jammie drawer!


OK.


I'm setting my alarm for :.


We need Kramsky up and out of there
before Mom wakes up. (huffs)


(toothbrush whirring)


(birds chirping)


(yawning) Rise and shine, sleepyhead.


Crispin!


Your voice sounds weird.


(both screaming)


Hey, Charlotte.


What's up?


What's up? You wanna know what's up?


I don't think I do anymore.


Well, you're gonna.


I know why you've been
acting so weird lately.


-You do?
-Mmm-hmm.


Oh, man. I was trying to hide it.


The truth is, I was scared.


Scared? Scared of what?


That, that the human body sometimes
makes noises that I didn't even make?


OK, now I'm just confused.


Maybe I should say what I need to say.


Maybe you should.


Actually, I'm gonna sing it.


OK, what is happening?


(drums playing)


Charlotte
You're so pretty and so kind


A sweeter person
I know that I'll never find


That I'll never find


I'm here to ask you to the prom


So please say yes


And we can dance all night long


Charlotte, please say yes


-(laughs)
-(drums playing)


Charlotte, will you
Please go to prom with me?


Jonathan, of course I'll go.


(bystanders clapping)


-Noice!
-(laughs)


I was so nervous.
I've never sung in public before.

Is that why you've been acting so weird?


Totally.


I tried to sing for you two days ago,
but then I lost my nerve and ran out.


And then yesterday, I thought
I'd just ask you without singing, but...


I wanted this to be special.


It was. Very special.


Good. Because my buddy Slapshot's
recording the whole thing for you.


Oh, that's so sweet--


Well, well, well.


There's the punk.


Oh. No, no, Fred, it's OK.
We're fine. I mean--


Oh, it is definitely not OK.


Dixon, it's time I teach you a lesson.


-Huh?
-I mean, I'm not gonna fight you.


You're like a Sasquatch,
and I bruise easily.


But you're gonna hear me out.


Fred, you don't understand. It's OK.


You're dating one of the sweetest,
most caring people I've ever known,


yet you give that up
over a simple bottom burp?


Oh, sweet Moses.


I don't know what you're saying.


Sorry, is it not "cool"
to let one rip in public?


Well, I say to fart is to be a human,


and Charlotte is the most human person
I've ever known.


You're not helping.


And to my incredible friend,
I say only this:


You toot! I toot!
We all toot with Char-loot.


Lift a leg if you're with me!


This might take a minute.


Uh... (laughs)


This all happened at the end,


so you can edit this out, right?
(chuckles)


I'm going to the prom!


Hey, stop clapping. You'll miss this.


(grunts)


Mom, we're so sorry.


Well, sorry isn't good enough.


You almost gave me a heart att*ck.


Not to mention poor Mr. Kramsky.


I thought he'd never stop crying.


It was uncomfortable for everyone.


I was just trying to earn enough
to go on my hockey trip.


I know money is tight.
I didn't want to bother you.


Cooper, I'm a mom.
My whole life is one giant bother!


And I wouldn't change it for anything.


Look, I appreciate your concern,


but you guys have to come to me
with this money stuff.


I decide. I'm the boss. Got it?


Here. I don't need
to go on my hockey trip.


We could use this for other things.


We could...


but we're not.


This is going back to Mr. Kramsky.


But also,


you're gonna go on your hockey trip.


I will find a way to make it work.


Boss, remember?


Thanks, Mom.


(doorbell rings)


That must be the couple
I'm showing the garage to.


Uh, I mean... delivery! (chuckles)


Okey-doke, little man.
Huh. It's been real.


You are one heck of a bongo player!


Thanks, Captain Wally.


You were... not the best.


I was just thinking


this might be the last time
we ever see each other.


What? Why?
You'll be in middle school one day.


Yeah, but by then, you'll be long gone.


Long gone? (gasps)


Look, kid, I know you're close
to Principal Walker.


Did he tell you something?


I need this job.


I can't control the future, Captain.


But no matter what,
we had a great ride, didn't we?


You take care now, old friend.


Don't you "old friend" me!


You tell Walker I won't go easy!


Captain Wally bows to no man!


Charlotte: I didn't make a whoopsie!