01x05 - Shaved by the Bell

[bunniefuu]

You get one yet?


-No. You?
-No.


So we don't get invited to the party.


Big deal. We're fascinating people!
We have rich, interesting lives.


-I'll keep checking.
-Hit refresh! Hit refresh!


Hi, girls.


-Hey, Dad.
-Hi, Mr. Reynolds.


How was school? What'd you learn today?


That Laura Wagmeister's having
the first party of the year.


Boy, the curriculum's changed
since my day.


Dad, this is serious.
Olive and I haven't been invited yet,


and this party sets the tone
for the whole year.


If we don't get seen at this one,


we won't be invited to the next...
or the next.


I can see it already.
We're going to Prom as each other's dates.


I get it. You don't want miss out.
The inside jokes. The new dances.


Special moments
that can never be recaptured.


Hurtful road, Dad.


What I'm trying to say is,


I know this seems
like do or die right now,


but as you get older,
things like getting invited to parties


become less important.


What's up, fam?


Guess who just got invited
to her first music festival?


I'll give you a hint.
It's not the old dude.


-You're so cool, Grandma.
-Yeah, you look awesome.


Thanks, Noodle, and Noodle's bestie.
My whole drum circle's going.


It's gonna be a five day par-tay, unh!


Well uh, not everybody
got invited to a par-tay.


We're fine, Dad. You're right.
It's not like one party is do or die.


Yeah, maybe this is
the weekend we get into lanyards.


[girls] Refresh! Refresh!
Refresh! Refresh!


-Still nothing?
-Not even junk mail.


At this point I'd be happy
if someone sent me a virus.


I don't get it.
Why isn't Laura inviting us?


I laugh at all her lame jokes.


[gasping] You think she knows
it's my fake laugh?


Can you tell the difference?
Fake laugh. [forced laughter]


-Real laugh. [same laughter]
-[phone buzzing]


-What is it?
-Nothing.


-You were just invited, weren't you?
-No... yes.


Why wasn't I invited?


Why me?
[melodramatic] Why me?


-[phone buzzing]
-Ooh! Got the invite! All good!


-There's gonna be a barbecue?
-[both] Yes!


-And a DJ.
-[both] Yes!


-And swimming.
-Yes!


Why aren't you "Yes"-ing?


Because, Olive,
swimming means bathing suits,


and bathing suits means showing my legs.
Showing my legs means...


Dude, you've got leg hair!


You're a woman!


-When did this happen?
-I don't know.


I went to bed every night
wishing I'd grow.


Guess I should've been more specific.


I can't go to the party
with my legs looking like this.


It's embarrassing!


-It's not that noticeable.
-It looks like my legs have sideburns.


Olive, I guess it's time to do
what women do...


-shave my legs.
-This is epic!


The only problem is the party's
in three days, and I don't know how.


Don't look at me.


I only have one hair on my leg
and I'm pretty sure it's my cat's.


[theme music playing]


Like father, like daughter
We don't always agree


But looking at you
Is like looking at me


The more things change
The more they stay the same


Like father, like daughter
From different times


Taking all the best
From your decade and mine


The more things change


The more they stay the same


The more they stay the same


Remember, music festivals can get
very hot so don't forget to hydrate.


[childish] I won't!


Use plenty of sunblock,
don't sit near the speakers,


and eat those protein snacks
I packed you.


Oh, no. I've become my mother's mother.


Grandma.
I need to talk to you about something.


-[Judy] You got it, Noodle.
-[car honking]


Oh, that's my ride.
Can it wait till I get home?


Uh, sure, when's that gonna be?


-In a week.
-[car honking]


Gotta bounce.


-Peace!
-[Max] Let me walk you out.


I wanna meet
these drum circle friends of yours.


No way! That's totes embarrassing!


Hey, Sydney, whatever you were gonna talk
about with Grandma,


you can talk about with me.


Trust me, this is so not a dad situation.


It doesn't mean I can't help!
I wasn't always a dad.


Here you go.


-Max!
-Hey, Leo. 'Sup?


Somebody won the giant hippo.


My dad is not going to be happy.


He was gonna give it to my mom
for their anniversary!


I've got my own problems.


You know those cool dudes
who hang out at the skate park?




You mean the Wolf Guys?


No, Dog Boys!


I happen to think Wolf Guys
is a little snappier.


They treat me like a kid.


Don't take me seriously.


-And you know why?
-Because of your childlike wonder?


No! Because I look like a kid.


And they look like men.


They've got mustaches, sideburns.
One of them even has a soul patch.


I know!


I wish I had facial hair.
I mean, more... facial hair.


Well, I heard if you start shaving,
hair will grow in faster.


And the more you shave,
the thicker it grows.


Really?
Where'd you hear that?


You hear a lot behind this counter, Max.


People need to talk.


Stevie failed algebra.
Larry has a rash.


Jason caught his girlfriend
at Mr. Potato Skins with his best friend!


Now, he's drowning his sorrow in foosball.


I need more quarters, Leo.


Sorry, Jason, I'm cutting you off.
Go home to your hamster.


That's it, Leo. I'm gonna start shaving.
And pretty soon...


I'll have one of these. Pretty manly, huh?


It's da b*mb!


-[ripping]
-Ow!


Sorry, my dad takes inventory
at the end of the day.


I can't afford to lose a mustache.
Not after that hippo.


Okay, I have a pink razor,
a purple razor,


and an orange razor.


Ooh! I think I found a good video!


You're right!
Look at the way she handles that razor.


She's like the Michelangelo
of hair removal.


[Syd] She's starting at the ankle.


-Wow, look how easy she makes it--
-[both screaming] Aah!


Turn it off! Turn it off!
It's a bloodbath!


I'm just gonna go for it.
Let's do this thing.


-Sydney's rolling up her pant leg.
-What are you doing?


Making a video
for when the hair fairy pays me a visit.


-Okay, just don't overdo it.
-I won't.


She reaches for the shaving cream,
teetering on the brink of womanhood.


Now, she's putting back
the shaving cream,


placing womanhood on hold.


What's going on?


I want to take one last look
at my leg hair.


It's been with me through thick and thin.


Lately, thick.


-Are you stalling?
-Of course I'm stalling!


-Sydney, if you don't want to do this--
-No!


No, I want to.


-I got this.
-You got this.


-[shaving cream gurgles]
-[squealing]


She applies the shaving cream


in an upward, downward,
no rhyme or reason, herky jerky motion.


Ooh, she's picked up the razor!


Be careful.


-We have achieved shaving!
-You know, this is easier than I thought.


Oh, no. It's still there.


I've got mutant razor-resistant leg hair!


Or you forgot to take off
the safety cover.


I didn't forget, I just didn't remember.


The safety cover's off.
Whenever you're ready.


Leo, are you sure this is
how they learn to shave in barber school?


-On balloons?
-According to my uncle Fred.


And he was
one of the best barbers in Toledo.


Until the incident.


And this is supposed to be me?


Are you kidding? If you committed a crime,
this balloon would go to prison.


I thought I smelled shaving cream!


[sniffs] And balloons.


-What is going on in here?
-Mom! What are you doing home?


You're supposed to be
at the DMV giving driving tests.


The kid's out in the car.


-I got a tip you were up to something.
-A tip?


-From who?
-Always assume you're being watched.


-So what are you jokers doing?
-I'm learning how to shave.


Why? That balloon has
more hair on it than you do.


Because I wanna look like a man!


The sooner I shave,
the quicker my hair will grow in.


And where did you get
a ridiculous idea like that?


I gotta go.


I don't want you shaving.
You're gonna hurt yourself.


That's why I'm practicing on a balloon.


-And whose crazy idea was that?
-I gotta go.


When I get home, I want this all gone.
You're too young to shave.


-[car honking]
-Ooh, that's gonna cost him.


Now, where was I
before that lady dropped by?




I don't know, maybe your mom's right.
Maybe you are too young for this.


Too young? Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.


-[pop]
-[gasping]


Oh, no.


My head exploded!


Whenever you're ready, Sydney.


Whenever...


you're...


ready.


I'm not ready. I need help.


Why do women have to do this, anyway?


-[knocking]
-Sydney, everything okay?


You've been in there a long time!


Uh, yeah, yeah!
Everything's fine, Dad! One second!


Hel-looo.


Sydney, what's goin' on?
Nothing's going on.


Your daughter's a woman!


-What?
-I need to shave my legs.


-Oh, well, why didn't you come to me?
-Dad, have you ever shaved your legs?


Legs, no,
although I do shave my face every day.


Does your face have bony ankles
and wrinkly knees?


No, although this granite jaw
has some hairpin turns.


Come on, there's nothing
we haven't been able to figure out before.


I'm sure we can find
some great videos online.


You don't want to go there, Mr. Reynolds.
Not if you ever want to sleep again.


Dad, I appreciate you wanting to help,
but the truth is...


right now would be
a really good time to have a mom.


If it makes you feel any better,
I haven't been tons of help, either.


Here we are
at Laura Wagmeister's party.


Wow, doesn't it look awesome?


They kinda cheaped-out
on the decorations.


Come on, Olive. Play along.
Pretend my backyard's Laura's party.


The goal is for me
to get from here to the pool


without anyone seeing my legs.


If you're so self-conscious,


why don't you just wear a long skirt
until you get in the water?


Are you crazy?


Skirt before pool says,
"That girl's hiding something."


Skirt after pool says,
"Oh, what a nice skirt!"


Hard to believe
you're only a month older than me.


-Just stick close and block my legs.
-Got it.


Just act natural.


We're just two fun-loving girls
casually walking into a party.


Hey, Laura!
Thank you so much for inviting us!


-What are you doing?
-Saying hello to the host.


-That's how you get invited back.
-Got it!


Love your hat!


When did the farmer look come back?
[laughing]


And we're walking
and we're having fun.


Olive, careful!
You just stepped in the fire pit!


Oh, right. Ow!


And we're walking...


and we're walking.


-Look, they have snow cones!
-I'm gonna go get one!


Stay in formation!
You almost had hair exposure!


-So why'd you point out the snow cones?
-That was a test.


The real party's gonna be
full of temptations.


-You've gotta be ready!
-Smart!


-Look, they're making sand art!
-[gasping] I love sand art!


Olive!


What are you people looking at?


Hey, Dad, it's me.
Guess what? I need to start shaving.


[deep voice] Although, you could
probably already tell that from my voice.


-So, when you get this message--
-[machine beeps]


[groans, normal voice]
Stupid answering machine.


Hey, Dad, it's me again.


Like I was saying, I need you to visit
so you can teach me how to shave.


[deep voice] See you soon.


So you're calling your dad, huh?


[normal voice] Yeah.
Sorry I borrowed your phone.


No problem.
That's what -foot cords are for.


Max, I don't know
when your dad's gonna be back.


He's living in a new city, and, you know,


pilots have no control
over their schedules.


Don't worry.
Once he gets my message, he'll be here.


I'm sure he'll try.


I didn't realize this shaving thing
was so important to you.


That's because you're not a man...


[clicks tongue] like me.


[smooches]


Mom...


My night light?


-[lullaby plays]
-Good night.


[deep voice] Good night.


Please answer, please answer.


-Pick up, pick up.
-[tablet beeping]


-[rock music]
-Max, is that you?


-Hi, Mom!
-This festival rocks!




I need to talk to you about Sydney.


-She wants to shave her legs.
-Who's Dave?


-No. Shave. Shave.
-You want to shave Dave?


-I don't want to shave Dave.
-Then, why'd you bring him up?


[shouting] There is no Dave!


Mom, this is important.
Please try and hear me.


Okay. Quiet!


Yeah? Well then,
next time don't stand so close.


-Go on, Max.
-Mom, listen carefully.


Sydney wants to shave her legs,
and I don't know how to help her.


She really needs a mom this time,
and I am at a loss.


I desperately need your help.


-[silence]
-Mom?


Mom!


And the screen froze!


Max, are you there?


What was the last thing
you heard me say?


-"Mom, listen carefully."
-[sighing] Oh!


Oh, they're gonna drop the b*at.
Max, I'll call you later.


Holla!


[sighs]


Sydney, I'm sorry I abandoned you


in the middle of a fake party
for some fake sand art,


but you know I'm hooked on crafts.


-That's okay, Olive. I have another plan.
-Plan for what?


For Laura Wagmeister's pool party.


You solved the leg shaving dilemma?
Great! What's the plan?


I'm not going.


She needs a mom to teach her
how to shave her legs?


Well, she's got one!


Here we go.


[clears throat]


What's all the fuss about?
Piece of cake!


Oh, I left the safety guard on.


All right.


Now we're doing it.


I'm just gonna say it now, Max.
You're good!


And the award for Mother of the Year
goes to-- Ow! Oh!


Aah!


Boy, these pink ones are vicious!


How was I supposed to know
this shaving thing


was so important to him?


You think it's easy being a single mother?


I try my best,
but his dad's hardly in the picture.


How am I supposed to be
a mother and a father?


I don't know.


-Are you gonna deduct points?
-Keep your eyes on the road.


Who taught you how to shave?


My dad.
We stood side by side in the mirror.


His dad taught him
and his dad taught him and--


Yeah, I get it. Tons of men.
Weaving. Stay in your lane.


How many more milestones is Max
gonna miss because his dad's not around?


I don't know, six?


For the first time,
I feel like I'm failing him.


You're not failing him.
You're not failing anybody, right?


We'll see. You talk too much,
and you tend to get distracted.


Come on, Dad!
I need to get in there already!


One second!
[high-pitch] One second!


Hel-looo.


It's about time.
You were in there, like, forever.


No, I wasn't!


-[bathtub draining]
-Were you taking a bath?


You never take baths.


Is it a crime for a man
to want to feel pretty?


[sniffs] Do I smell
lavender bubble bath?


No.


Lilac lemon.


-Dad, what's going on?
-Nothing!


-Dad?
-I was shaving my legs.


-You were what?
-I wanted to learn so I could teach you.


Seriously? How'd it go?


You were right.
The knees and ankles are a minefield.


I'm sorry I let you down.


Dad, that's the weirdest, dumbest,
sweetest thing you've ever done.


Thanks for trying.


Mom! What are you doing back?


I thought the music festival
didn't end for two more days.


It started to rain so they ended it.


People get so uptight about a little water
and electrical equipment. Lighten up!


Well, your timing couldn't be better.


Actually, it could. One hour earlier
and I could've avoided this.


Oh, no. The raccoons are back!


-[knocking]
-[strumming]


-Noodle?
-Grandma! What are you doing back?


As my new friend Mystic Badger said,
"All trips must end."


Well, this is great!


Now that you're home,
I can go to the party!


Can you show me how to shave my legs?


-You got it. Your dad filled me in.
-Awesome!


But, Syd, can I ask you a question?


Why do you want to shave your legs?


Because that's what all girls
do when they get leg hair.


Yeah, but you've never been
the kind of girl




who cares about what other girls do.


Well, I've never had
hair on my legs before.


I feel you, but you know what?


Not all women shave their legs.


-They don't?
-No!


Trust me, I just came back
from a music festival. It was Hairchella.


-Then why do some women do it?
-Because they choose to.


But you know what? Either way is fine.


-So what should I do?
-Well, that is up to you.


But if you do decide to do it,
it should be because you want to,


not because you think you should.


Wow, Grandma!


That festival made you even wiser.


I saw things.


Noodle, if you want me to help you
shave your legs, I'm happy to do it.


I happen to be a pretty awesome teacher.


-[Judy] Safety cover off?
-Check.


-Safety cover on?
-Check.


Slowly go down the side of your face,
making sure you stay in your lane.


When you get to your chin,


make a U-turn.


I'm gonna use this
when it's my turn to shave.


Just wish there was a way
to share this video


with people all over the world.


Keep dreaming, Leo.


Come on, Syd!
We're gonna be late for the party!


[Syd] Coming!


-Did she do it? I'm dying to know!
-I'm sorry. I don't shave and tell.


Olive, you are just going to have
to be patient.


Did she do it? Did she do it?


-[Syd] Drum roll, please!
-[rhythmic patting]


Did she or didn't she?


She did...


not!


-Wow! Why didn't you do it?
-Because I'm not ready to.


-Just never knew I had a choice.
-I am so proud of you!


Thanks, Grandma.


And besides, if my dad
was brave enough to shave his legs,


I can be brave enough not to.


Sydney, you
literally make leg hair look cool.


[Olive] Grow!


I'm proud of you, too, Syd.
You are your own person.


Not afraid of what other people think.


It took me years to build
that kind of confidence.


[phone chimes]


Oh, one of the chaperones
for the pool party fell through.


-They want you to do it, Dad.
-What? I can't go with legs like these!


-How was the party?
-Awesome! They had real snow cones.


And real sand art!


I don't have a problem.
I can stop whenever I want.


-Oh, can I have one?
-I can't break up the set!


And the best part was,
not that I would care,


but nobody paid any attention
to the hair on my legs.


-Yeah, they were too busy looking at--
-Twelve-year-olds can be so cruel!


[man] Ooh, yeah!