02x21 - Blazing Hotel Rooms

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find we're two
Of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[EDWARD SIGHS]

[EDWARD SIGHS]

Dad, I think Eddie Toys
is gonna do great

-in this toy show.
-I sure hope so, son.

I think Eddie Toys deserves
a standing ovation.

Okay.

-[LAUGHS]
-[PHONE RINGING]

-[SIGHS]
-Hello. Oh, hi, Kate!

Hey, Rick,
how's the Toy Convention?

Oh, it's really great.
There's some great toys here.

-[MOUTHING]
-There's also a few rip-offs.

Yamaha Toys is trying to combine
the cabbage patch doll

and G.I. Joe.

What are they going to call it?

The Lettuce Patch Commando.

And guess what it comes with.

I give up. What?

Its own draft notice.

I was gonna guess that.
[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Dad, did you want to speak
to Kate?

-Hi, Kate, how you doing?
-Hi, hon. I'm fine.

Edward, did you, uh,
find that surprise

-I left in your suitcase?
-[SCOFFS]

I sure did.

How could I miss it?

-Well? Do you like it?
-I love it.

Of course, it's no substitute
for the real thing.

You know, I've only been here
an hour and a half

and already my lips
have two paper cuts.

[CHUCKLES] Well, as much
as I'd like to be in Miami

with you, I still think
it was a good idea

that you took Dexter instead.

He's been so depressed lately.
Have you found out why yet?

No, I don't know
what's with Dexter. [SIGHS]

Not only won't he tell anybody,
but he just gets more depressed.

On the flight down here,
he barely picked at his food.

[SCOFFS] Dad,
refusing to eat airline food

is not a sign of depression.

It's a sign
that his taste buds work.

Well, I'm sure you'll find a way
to cheer him up.

-I miss you.
-I miss you, too, honey.

You miss me
as much as I miss you?

I miss you every bit
as much you miss me.

In fact, I'll bet you
I miss you more

than you miss me.

Dad, if you don't stop missing
each other so much,

we're gonna miss
the porpoise show.

Kate, we got to go
to the porpoise show.

We'll talk to you later, okay?
I love you.

I love you, too. [KISSES]

-[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
-[EDWARD CLEARS THROAT, SIGHS]

Hi, Dex.

[DEXTER WHIMPERS]

So, Dex, did you get
our exhibit set up

-on the convention floor?
-Why bother?

Well, Dex,
you're my business manager,

you kinda have to bother.

Come on, buddy,
what's the matter?

It's just nothing. I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

Look like
you've been break dancing

with Nell Carter.

Look, Dexter,
something's bothering you,

and we're your friends,
so why don't you talk about it?

-You'll feel a lot better.
-[SIGHS] Well...

My girlfriend, Rene, left me,
ran off with the plumber.

I just don't think I can go on.

I got "girlfriend"
and "plumber."

You missed "Ran off with."

Oh. Your girlfriend left you?

-Yeah.
-[SCOFFS] What a bummer.

Rene ran off with a plumber?

Not just a plumber, my plumber.

Ralph Alcorn.

[SCOFFS] That makes it
a plumber bummer.

I can't believe
Rene would prefer Ralph Alcorn

over you, a man who often
has dinner with H&R Block?

Buddy, how long did you
and Rene go together?

Nearly 3.4 years.

If I reach
the average life expectancy

of 76.3 years,

I don't know what I'll do
without Rene for the next 43.8.

Oh, come on, Dex,
that's an awful lot of years.

Why, in that time,
you could fall in love

with 7.3 women.

I don't want anybody else.
I want Rene.

Well, I don't know
what else to say to you, buddy.

There isn't anything else
to say, Edward.

But it helps
to express my feelings.

You're great friends.
[INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES]

I feel much better now.

-You up for bite to eat?
-I'm famished.

-Ha!
-Let's get a club sandwich

-by the pool.
-[SOBS] Oh, God!

-Problem, Dex?
-You said, "Pool."

-So?
-So?

So, Poole was one of the name
of the characters in 2001.

-So?
-So?

So, 2001 was that movie
about space.

-BOTH: So?
-So that's what Rene said

she wanted... [SOBS] ...space.

[SOBS] I miss my Nay-Nay.

Nay-Nay kind of a pet name?

Yeah. She used
to call me Sexy Dexy.

[SNIFFLES]

I'm sorry.
I'm-- I'm losing control.

I-- It won't happen again.

Here, Dexter.

Why don't you have a glass
of water?

[SOBS]

-Let's see. Water...
-Faucet?

Plumber.

I can't imagine my life
without Rene.

She changed me so much.

You might find this hard
to believe,

but some people think
I'm a little uptight and stuffy.

-No.
-No.

Yes. But Rene
had really loosened me up.

Just a couple of months ago,

we opened
a joint checking account.

Only Rene could get me
to indulge

in premarital banking.

-Dex, can I ask you a question?
-Certainly.

[SIGHS]
Have you ever actually seen

Ralph and Rene together?

I mean, do you know for sure
that she ran off with him?

No, but that's what she told me.

Why would she lie?

Dexter,
I think I should tell you

about Claudia Dalrymple.

See, last year
she was my main squeeze.

Your what?

Oh, my chick, babe.

Your what?

-My girlfriend.
-Oh, yes. Your girlfriend.

Anyway, I was really crazy
about her,

but I got wrapped up
in my baseball try-outs,

so I didn't pay enough attention
to her.

So one day, she came to school,

and she told she's going
to the school dance

with Foster Schlutz.

I said, "You're going dancing
with Foster Schlutz?

not only does he have
two left feet,

but he's got 11 toes."

So what happened?

So she went to the dance
with me.

See, she was just testing me

to make sure I really cared
about her.

She was using Foster as a bluff.

[SCOFFS]
It was the old "Schlutz bluff."

I think you're onto something.

I have been working hard lately.
It's possible

I haven't been paying
much attention to Rene.

I bet she's just testing you.
Why don't you give her a call?

No, really. Ask her
to come out here to Miami.

You have a tropical reunion.

-I think I will.
-[LAUGHS]

All my Nay-Nay wanted
was for her sexy Dexy

to give
a little ring-a-ding-ding!

[CHUCKLES]

You know, I think that story
about that plumber

is just another pipe dream.

♪ O, sole mio ♪

[DEXTER CLEARS THROAT]

Hello? Who's this?

Oh, Ralph.

Yes, this is Dexter.

Yes, my faucet still drips,
you drip.

Listen, Ralph, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

I just called
to say congratulations.

Well, look at it this way.

She's stuck
with pretty lousy plumber.

Where you going, Dexter?

I don't know and I don't care.

I can't believe this, Edward.

I'm really losing her.

How can I go on without my Rene?

Without her,
life has no meaning.

Lord, you might as well take me
right now.

Wait, you didn't let me finish!

Dad, the hotel is on fire.
The place is burning down!

-What are we gonna do?
-Richard,

people die in hotel fires
because they panic.

And they panic
because they don't know

-what to do.
-[PANTS]

Okay, you're right.
What-- what should we do?

I don't know. What do we do?
What do we do?

Just take it easy.

All right, when we got here,
I memorized

where the emergency exit is.

It's four doors down.
We take a right at the quarter,

it's a second door on the left.
Now, we won't use the elevator

because they're dangerous
in a fire.

And smoke rises, so we'll have
to crawl along the floor,

-all right?
-Okay.

Okay. Come on.

Now, hold on to each other
and don't get separated.

[ALL COUGHING]

EDWARD: [CLEARS THROAT] Okay,
the smoke is a little thick.

[DEXTER GROANING, COUGHING]

[ALL COUGHING]

-RICKY: Now what do we do?
-[EDWARD COUGHING]

-EDWARD: Rick...
-[RICKY COUGHING]

...you get on the phone
and call the desk

and tell 'em we can't get out
of our room.

-[RICKY COUGHS]
-There's gotta be "What to do

in a fire emergency" card
around somewhere,

so I'm gonna try
to find it, all right?

-[CLATTERING]
-[EDWARD AND DEXTER COUGHING]

RICKY: Hello? Hello!

Dad, the phone's dead!

[SHOUTS] Somebody call
the fire department!

[SIREN BLARING]

RICKY: Thanks!

Hey! I found some cards!
Here, here, here.

Oh, let's see, let's see, uh...
[STAMMERS]

"Wally's wrestling alligators."
No.

"Al's mermaids on skis."

"Bernie's smokehouse."

"What to do in case of fire."
Wait--

Hey, I got it! I got it!

Dad, smoke's coming in!

Edward, this door won't open.
I'll have to break the glass

-to get some fresh air in here.
-Wait, Dexter, don't!

-Have you gone mad?
-Look, it says here,

"Don't let any smoke in the room
by opening a window."

What do you call that, haze?

Just calm down, all right?

Now what it says to do
is get wet towels

and stuff 'em under the door.

-I-- I'll get them.
-Okay, Rick, you get the towels,

you throw or toss it to me
and I'll toss 'em to you,

Dexter, you stuff them
under the door. Come on, Rick.

Attaboy! Here you go, Dex!

Stuff it under the door!

Good. That's good.
All right, Rick!

[SPITS] Dex!

Okay, son,
we don't need any more tow--

-Now, now, what do we do?
-EDWARD: Uh, uh, uh,

all right, all right, uh, uh.

-Why don't we just open--
-EDWARD: Uh, uh,

wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

[SIREN BLARING]

-All right.
-[DEXTER PANTS]

We've done all we can do
for now.

The only thing left is just...

-wait.
-[PANTS] And hope

that they rescue us in time.
[PANTS]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

[GASPS] Oh, hi, Ann.

What's up?

What?

No, I'm-- I'm not watching TV.
Why?

What?

Yes, Edward and Ricky
are in Miami Beach.

Yes, they're staying
at the Hotel Belvedere.

It's on what?

NEWS REPORTER: [ON TV]
At this point, the cause

-of the fire is unknown.
-[SIREN BLARING ON TV]

NEWS REPORTER: [ON TV]
One entire wing

of the hotel is ablaze.

But fortunately,
this wing was closed,

for remodeling.

And there have been
no casualties thus far.

However, many people
in an adjoining wing

of the hotel are trapped
in their rooms.

-As it's always the case...
-[INDISTINCT CLAMORING ON TV]

NEWS REPORTER: [ON TV]
...in high-rise fires,

the greatest danger
is smoke inhalation.

We'll have full details
on our six o'clock report,

along
with the startling conclusion

of our five-part
investigative series

on being single.

We now return
to our regular program.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

What did I do
with that hotel number?

MAN: [ON TV]
It's time for The Family Feud.

Introducing the Smith Family,

John, Mary, Buffy, Skipper,
and Chip.

And the Gambucci Family,

Guido, Anna Maria,

Salvatore, Dominic, and Chip.

Oh, busy!

-[PHONE RINGING]
-[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Hello?

Annie. [SIGHS]

Yes, yes,
I-- I saw the news report.

Edward and Ricky
are on the 17th floor.

[SOBS] Well, they could be
trapped in their room.

Yeah, yeah. You're right.

I should think positively.

Well, there's a good chance

they're not even
in the hotel right now.

Yeah.

Thanks for calling. Bye.

[PHONE CLANKING]

Oh. [SIGHS] Edward...

please be at the porpoise show.

We should've gone
to the porpoise show.

But no,

you had to get depressed
about your girlfriend.

Serves you right
for trying to cheering me up.

I was better off
when I had no hope.

Guys, come on, we can't turn
on each other.

We gotta pull together.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

You know,
something is real funny.

A little while ago,
before this fire,

I was feeling...

without Rene,
my life wasn't worth living.

Now... [SCOFFS]

...all I want in the world
is to live.

I swear, if I ever get out
of this nightmare...

no one will respect
and appreciate

and savor life more
than Dexter Roosevelt Stuffins.

Roosevelt?

-Leave it alone, Richard.
-[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

Dad, we are gonna get out
of here, aren't we?

[HORN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

You bet we are, son.
I guarantee it.

[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

Dad, this isn't fair.

I'm just getting started
in life.

I want to grow up
and be a great dad like you.

I want to go to college,

I want to be a doctor,
I wanna win the Nobel Prize.

I want to go
to next week's sock hop.

I'm chairman
of the Balloon Committee.

-Son... [SIGHS]
-[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

...I know right now,
things look a little bad, but...

you know, it's times like these

that you really have
to have faith...

and truly believe...

that everything's going
to be just fine.

Can you do that?

-Yeah.
-I can't.

Why not?

Towels!

-Here, Dad.
-Give me towels. Good. Good.

NEWS REPORTER: [ON TV]
...out of control.

Helicopters are airlifting
hotel guests stranded

on the upper floors.

However, high winds
are hampering the rescue effort,

leaving the lives
of several people in doubt.

-[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]
-[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

Oh, Dad, the door's getting hot!

Aah! So is this vent! [GROANS]

All right, all right.
We'll go in the bathroom.

That's a good idea.
We'll be safe

-in a porcelain room.
-EDWARD: All right.

[ALL GROANING, COUGHING]

-All right.
-[RICKY COUGHING]

There's... [PANTS]
...there's no alternative

-but to go out on the balcony.
-[DOOR LOCK RATTLES]

[GRUNTS]
Aah! We'll have to break it.

But Edward, you said the smoke
will get sucked into the room.

What-- what do you call this,
haze?

Well said.

[EDWARD AND RICKY GROANS]

DEXTER: Hello. What's this?

[EDWARD AND RICKY GRUNTS]

EDWARD: Ricky,
out on the balcony. Come on.

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

-Hello!
-Hello down there!

-Hello!
-Hello!

FIRE-CHIEF:
Hello up there! We see you!

[ALL CHEER]

FIRE-CHIEF: But our ladders
can't reach you!

-Aw!
-Aw!

FIRE-CHIEF: But our helicopter
is lifting people off.

-Yay!
-Hooray!

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

FIRE-CHIEF: Get that woman
in the helicopter

as fast as you can!

Well, then try it sideways!

Dad, when will the helicopter
is gonna get to us?

Oh, son, they have to save
that lady first.

You know, it's women first.

-Who made up that rule?
-Some woman.

All right. Come on, help us now!

-Please!
-FIRE-CHIEF: You three

-on the 17th floor?
-Yeah! Yeah!

FIRE-CHIEF: The helicopter's
having difficulty

maneuvering in the wind!

When the chair comes down
to you,

grab hold of it as quickly
as you can!

-Okay!
-Please!

Get it, get it over now.

-[CROWD COUGHING IN DISTANCE]
-[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

-[DEXTER AND RICKY SCREAM]
-[EDWARD GRUNTS, GROANS]

Here, hold onto me.

-Hold my belt.
-DEXTER: All right.

EDWARD: Don't let me go too far.

DEXTER:
Okay...I won't let it go.

-I'll get it.
-Careful, Dad.

EDWARD: I got it-- Whoa!

[SCREAMS]

EDWARD: Grab my feet!

Get my legs!

Good! Now, I'm gonna--
All right, all right, look.

Rick, I'm gonna steady it
for you, son.

And you climb on up now.
Come on.

-RICKY: All right.
-Here you go.

-Easy, Richard.
-Attaboy! Come on.

-RICKY: Ooh!
-[EDWARD GROANS]

All right. All right.
Come on, son.

RICKY: Whoa!

I got you. I got you.
It's all right.

It's all right, boy.
It's okay, buddy.

Come on. That's good.
Good, good.

Yeah, good. All right, now,
come on. Steady.

-Not so good, Rick.
-[DEXTER GRUNTS]

EDWARD: All right. Attaboy.

Okay. Come on, Dex.
You can do it.

-Wait!
-EDWARD: What? What?

I forgot my briefcase.

EDWARD: All right, come on.

-RICKY: Oh, no! Yes!
-EDWARD: All right.
Are you all right?

-[EDWARD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-RICKY: Come on, Dad!

EDWARD: All right. All right.
Wait a minute.

All right. That's it.

-All right, hang on.
-DEXTER: Come on, Edward.

All right, look. All right,
I'll send you on up

-and then come back for me.
-[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

FIRE CHIEF:
This is our last trip!

You better come now!

-Okay!
-RICKY: Come on, Dad!

-DEXTER: Jump!
-RICKY: Jump!

-EDWARD: I got it! [SCREAMS]
-DEXTER: Edward!

-[DEXTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-Yeah, I'm fine!

[EDWARD SCREAMING]

So finally, they pulled us up
in that helicopter.

When we got there,
there was this fat lady there,

there was barely enough room
for us.

Honey, did you hurt
your hand hanging

from that-- that rescue chair?

No, no, no, this happened
in the helicopter.

The fat lady sat on it.

Edward yelled in agony.
She just sat there and smiled.

You can't imagine
what it was like,

sitting here watching
that news report.

describing that fire.

I mean, I didn't know
whether or not you guys

were alive or dead.

I have never felt so helpless
in my entire life.

Oh, honey.

You must've been
awfully scared, Ricky.

Nah. It was a piece of cake.

Maybe I was a little scared.

Did they ever find out
what caused that fire?

Yeah, I read it in the paper
this morning.

It was a short circuit
in the fire alarm.

That explains
why we didn't hear it.

Actually, this experience
has given me new perspective.

Life is too important
to let little thing

like Rene dumping me
cause me torment.

You're right, Dex.

No woman's worth that kind
of grief.

Except you, Kate.

I'm my own man,
independent and strong.

Then I guess you don't want

all these phone messages
from Rene.

She called, she called!

Dexter, I thought
you were gonna be independent

and strong.

I mean,
do you wanna set yourself up

for being hurt all over again?

You're right, Richard.
Thank you.

It was a momentary weakness.
Rene is out of my life.

I will not think
about her anymore.

That woman is history.

Good for you, Dex.

Well, guys... [GROANS]
...my hand is really throbbing.

Boy, that was a heavy woman.

Boy!

Yeah, I'm gonna go upstairs,
soak it in a warm tub.

Oh, I forgot.
While you were gone,

one of the pipes upstairs sprung
a leak.

There's somebody's up there now
fixing it.

Who is it?

Oh, somebody Dexter recommended.

A great plumber.
His name is Ralph Alcorn.

[SCREAMS]

EDWARD: Dexter...

[♪♪♪]

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all
About those things ♪

♪ You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons ♪