02x14 - Petticoat Injunction

[bunniefuu]

Previously on l.a. Law...

Well, benny, I've
done some checking

There's a center
here in los angeles.

They do all kind of things.

They have dancers and mixers.

Lots of nice girls.

They wouldn't like me.

I think they would
like you a lot.

Are they Ret*rded?

Yeah, they are.

This is john vincent of
vincent construction?

He wants us to represent
his nephew in a criminal matter.

John vincent is reputed to be

One of the most powerful figures

In organized crime in the
western united states.

I think the key word
there is reputed.

I'm not a crook.

I'm a legitimate businessman
with a serious family problem

I'm trying to help out with.

Let me review the
case, make some calls,

And I'll let you know.

Bless you.

Oh, nice watch.

Can I have it?

What?

Stickup time.

Stuart.

Watch, rings, money, come on.

The yuppie bandit is
no longer at large.

They caught him trying
to fence the rolex.

Stuart and I i.d.'
D him last night.

Charles told me
you're little reluctant.

My mind's made up.

Some mistakes are very hard
to live with, miss van owen.

I seriously suggest you
rethink your position.

She's still drinking
the champagne.

A snow massive snowstorm

Hit the entire east coast today,

Wreaking havoc in its wake.

Hardest hit was new york city

Which was paralyzed during
the morning rush hour.

It was one of the heaviest
snowfalls ever recorded.

17 Inches of the cold,

Wet white stuff
fell within 24 hours...

Hi.

What time is it?

Early.

Go back to sleep.

Hey, arnie, don't ding my
jag getting into your car.

Good morning, mr. Becker.

Good morning, rox.

This is the land, rox.

I'll tell you l.a. Has
got to be the land.

While the rest of
the world is freezing

Getting buried with snow,

I'm gently awakened by a
beam of california sunshine

Reflecting off the
golden blond hair

Of the very warm body
that I'm nestled against.

Couple of laps in the pool,

Fresh glass of carrot juice
is life to get out here or what?

It's figured out
just fine, arnie.

I was woken up by a dumpster.

The only thing that nestled
up to me in the last 8 months

Is currently in the
slammer for stock fraud.

My bagel was stale I
practically chipped a tooth.

I'm retaining water,
and I'm all out of midol.

Is life figured
out here, you ask?

Morning.

Morning, benny.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Victor, I'm going out
on a date tonight.

No kidding!

Yeah, I met this girl
named ivy at the center,

And we're going out on a date.

We're taking the bus

To lum's shanghai
gardens to have dinner

And then we're gonna go
look in the stores on melrose.

Sounds like fun.

Oh, yeah.

When did you ask her out?

Yesterday.

Boy, was I nervous too.

I never asked a girl
out when I wasn't.

She has really nice
curly brown hair.

You like that, huh?

Yeah, I do.

Stuart, what's happening
with the yuppie bandit?

They are accelerating the
trial that we start tomorrow.

How long should we figure

You two will be
tied up with that?

Oh, I don't guess more
than a day or two.

If we can proceed, ken hohl
versus 12 tin fish decoys.

Action for specific
performance...

The delivery of antiques
bought at auction.

I'm in depositions all week.

Adelman versus macks.

We've instructed the marshal

To impound the judgment
that is automobiles

Unless a bond's
posted by 5 o'clock.

Seiling versus
steinmetz-needham productions.

Yeah, hearing for an injunction
is scheduled for 2 o'clock.

Sounds like a loser.

You know, I can't believe that
a t.v. Actor's going into court

Because he's
unhappy with his part?

What's the name of this show?

Consenting adults.

I never even heard of it.

That's the producers'
whole problem.

You see that they've
got great reviews,

But there are in a tough time
slot and they can't get sample

So if the numbers
don't improve...

They're history.

I would think that jack
seiling would do anything

He could to boost the ratings?

Maybe he doesn't want to
go around the rest of his life

Prancing in a cocktail dress.

You know, public doesn't
know how to differentiate

Between an actor
and the role he plays.

To millions of people

Raymond burr will
always be a lawyer,

Vince edwards, a
doctor, jack webb, a cop.

Laird cregar, a
psychotic detective.

Nobody remembers I
wake up screaming?

Well, before we adjourn,
michael, how's gracie?

Oh, she's ok.

She's, uh...

She's spending some time
at home, taking it easy.

You got any leads
on the sh**t?

No, and all she saw was the g*n.

She afraid they are
gonna come after her?

Nothing, if they'd
wanted to hit her,

They'd have done it
when they had the chance.

Still, it's going to
go through her mind.

Yeah, it does.

Is she going back to work?

Well, she is thinking about it.

I don't think right away though.

I can't imagine what
her state of mind must be

After something like that.

Ah, pretty shaky for
the first couple of days

But she's worked
her way through it.

You know, she's in
better shape than I am.

You set me up!

Grace, take it easy.

Don't grace me.

Its sheer blind luck I wasn't
g*n downed, you bastard!

You were in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

Now how is that my fault?

If you'd had told me
we had a third partner

Or who he was or
what he expected of us.

If I'd known any of it,

I never would have been in that
restaurant in the first place.

I had no choice.

Why?

John vincent is not
a guy you say no to.

I did, charlie.

I said no.

You could have, too.

I'm sorry.

What can I do to make
things right between us?

You betrayed our friendship.

Nothing.

Nothing you can
do makes that right.

Grace, I'm not proud of myself

Or what I've become.

The guy is dead.

It gives us a chance to
start over with a clean slate.

You start over, charlie, alone.

Please.

I wish you'd reconsider.

Not a chance.

What will you do?

I don't know.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe go back
to the d.a.'S office.

Grace.

I, uh, I know you
know this, but...

What he told you
before the sh**ting?

About owning us, financing us?

If any of that stuff
ever got around

Wouldn't be too great
for either one of us.

I appreciate your deep
concern for my welfare, charlie.

And what we have here
is an executive producer

Using her power to ruin
the career of my client.

All we have is an actor

Vested with no creative
control whatsoever

Trying to stop a telecast.

Making him a cross-dresser

Is gonna cause irreparable
harm, your honor.

And take a look at the picture

That they're releasing
to the newspapers.

Isn't that a late to be
squawking now, mr. Becker?

The episode supposed
to air in two days.

My client was assured that
it would be cut and edited

To have socially
redeeming value.

Give me a break.

But what's resulted is a
trashy piece of exploitation

Deliberately designed
at destroying his career.

How can you stand here
as an officer of the court

And lie like that?

It's the true, your honor.

Ms. Needham has been
recklessly vindictive...

You're the one
that's being vindictive.

All right! Quiet.

Mr. Becker, I see no
contractual right

Which allows your guy to control

The creative development
of the character he plays.

Your honor, there's
an implied covenant

Of good faith in every contract

And she's has breached it

With this malicious
attempt to stain his image.

Your honor, I know it's unusual

But I'd like my
client on the stand.

What?

This isn't not an
evidentiary hearing.

I know that.

But the issue concerns
enjoining a program

That costs over $1
million to produce.

Now before you conside
such an extraordinary remedy,

I'd like you to be
fully informed.

Fine, I demand the right
to cross-examination

And a one-day
continuance to prepare.

Oh, please.

Hey, if you want her up here,
then he's the right to cross.

We'll convene
tomorrow at 10 a.m.

Now both of you leave,
and take the media with you.

Charlie, get the camera.

Mr. Seiling, mr. Seiling.

Looks like you're
losing, mr. Seiling.

If they run that show,
I'll break the studio,

I'll break the network,
and I'll ruin her.

And I'll sue you right back for
abusive process and harassment.

We have no comment.

Wait till see how natural
he looks in lingerie

Like he's worn it all his life.

That's slander, lady.

Oh, please.

To the extend you cancel
on to saying on those things.

You're gonna be
held liable, too.

Why don't we just sue everybody?

Mr. Seiling.

I'll walk right off the set.

Promises, promises.

Wednesday night, 9
o'clock, channel 4,

Jack seiling in a
black brassiere.

The arnie becker show.

Pretty tawdry stuff.

Hey, there's no
one's getting sh*t at.

Yet.

Be honest with me.

Am I a jerk?

Well, sometimes.

This time.

No.

Why would I think that?

Well, I take a powder
from the d.a.'S office,

A significant job,

Because I am seduced
by this glitzy office,

More money, this
change in venue, right?

And the whole thing
blows up in my face.

Gracie, you had to quit.

Come on, it was the
only right thing to do.

I spent the whole day
making phone calls.

Oh, yeah, to whom?

Firms.

I've got to get a job.

What for?

Because... Because
that's what I do.

I work.

Well, we do a lot of things.

We eat, we sleep, we make love.

Believe it or not, sometimes
we do absolutely nothing.

I'd go nuts doing nothing.

Oh, yeah?

You ever tried it?

All the time.

Sure. When?

Sundays.

Right, with a case
file on your lap.

Now what I'm talking about
here is serious nothing, girl.

I'm talking about...

Talking about going
for a ride in a car

With no destination
or, uh... What?

Yeah, taking a bubble bath

Instead of giving
yourself a sponge bath.

Hey, something happened to you.

You got to give yourself
time to settle down

Before you go charging
back into the work force.

I have to make
a living, don't i?

Well, I don't know, do you?

Well, if the situation
were reversed,

Would you question whether
you had to make a living?

Yeah.

Yeah, if it was at the expense
of self-knowledge, I would.

Oh.

Self-knowledge, huh?

Yeah.

You saying I don't know
myself sufficiently?

Well, who among us does?

And I suppose you're
gonna show me the way.

Well, look at it this way.

Um... Uh...

A guiding hand here and
there never really hurt.

This guiding hand is cold.

I put it somewhere warm.

That's better.

We'd pretty much written it off

Until we got a call
from detective majeski

Saying that there'd
been a break in the case.

And what else did
the detective tell you?

In fact they have
recovered my watch

And they had a
suspect in custody,

Come down and identify him

Through photographs
which we did.

And were you able to make
a positively identification

Of the man who robbed you?

Yes.

And is the man you
identified in this courtroom?

There he is, right
there, that's the man.

The record will
show that the witness

Has identified the
defendant robert alden.

No further questions.

Now according to the
report you gave the police

The man who accosted
you was 6 foot or over.

But, mr. Alden's only 5
foot 10 and half inches.

So call me a liar
for an inch and half.

Well, if you like that
characterization, okay.

Look, I'm 5 feet 51/2.

A lot of people
look taller to me.

So you're saying that
your diminutive stature

Makes you a less
than reliable observer.

No.

But you'll acknowledge
there's a discrepancy here?

Yeah...

You also said the
man wore a mustache.

Now I'm not sure about that.

I think actually he
may have shaved it off.

Well, my question
is, mr. Markowitz,

Did he or did he not
have a mustache?

Now, why the
hesitancy mr. Markowitz,

Is it because you can't remember

Or is it because
you and your wife

Were so drunk that night

You can't be certain
who you saw?

What?

Well, you testified you were
on your way back from dinner.

Now didn't you share
a bottle of wine?

In fact, you two guys were
pretty looped, weren't you?

No, that's not the case.

Come on, mr. Markowitz.

Wait a minute. Objection!

Stop putting words in his mouth.

Your honor. Mrs. Markowitz.

He's posing compound questions

And browbeating the witness.

You're not the
attorney of record here.

Sit down.

Come on.

You can't let him
get away with that.

Mr. Markowitz, given the
trouble you're having with all this,

How can you tell us

That robert alden is
the man who robbed you?

We weren't drunk.

And I'm almost
positive that's the man.

Well, "almost
positive" doesn't put

An innocent man in
jail, mr. Markowitz.

Not until they suspend
the constitution.

Nothing further.

What was I supposed to do, lie?

I'm not accusing you.

You are accusing me.

I'm not, you did
the best you could.

I just wish you
shouldn't have let him

Walk all over you, that's all.

And you were so forceful,

Jumping up and
objecting like that.

Would you mind...

Let's not a fight in the
middle of a cafeteria, okay.

Where would you
rather have a fight?

$4.35.

Let's just drop it, stuart.

Don't want to
talk about it, fine.

Good. Fine.

Actors are asked to
play less than heroic

Or unsympathetic
parts all of the time

Why the fuss over this one?

Well, my client feels
that playing the part

Of a cross-dresser will
seriously damage his career.

But isn't it really
the producers...

Well, actually the camera
puts about 10 pounds on you.

Look, it's arnie.

One of the most critically
acclaimed shows on television.

I never saw anybody I
knew on television before.

No doubt of being seen
in a dress will damage...

Roxie, have you seen
my other trial case?

Arnie.

It's in the closet.

Let me ask you something.

What would have happened
to john wayne's career

If instead of playing
the part of a w*r hero,

He'd played a drag queen?

Thank you.

Arnold becker is due
back in court tomorrow

When producer jamie needham
is scheduled to take the stand.

From los angeles county
court I'm jean kasabian.

Arnie, how can...
How can you be...

There and... And
here at the same time?

I'm late for court, benny.

I think I'll let roxanne
explain that to you.

They interviewed
arnie yesterday, benny.

What we're seeing
here is a videotape.

Benny, how was
your date with ivy?

Okay.

Just okay?

Well...

We didn't really have
that much to talk about.

People don't always hit it
off on their first date, benny.

I thought we would.

She just kept worrying about
not getting home too late.

She lives with her parents.

You took a first step.

That's lot more important

Whether or not this
one date working out.

Believe me I've kissed a lot
more frogs than princes.

No, benny, no,
that's just a saying.

I mean that you'll go
out with different people

And some you'll like
better than others.

And some you'll only like
after you know them for a while.

That might even happen with ivy.

I don't think so.

It would be self-defeating
for me to ruin his image.

The success of our show

Depends on a large
part on his public appeal.

And you didn't feel that it
would be compromise that appeal

To have him dressed
in women's clothing?

It's a nighttime soap.

All our characters
have perversities.

And our viewers love them.

Thank you, miss
needham, that's all.

Miss needham, isn't it true

That you and my client
engaged in a bitter contract

Dispute before this season?

It was negotiations.

I certainly harbor
no bitterness.

Oh, come on, miss needham.

One of his demands was

They direct three
episodes next year, right?

And you found that totally
unacceptable, didn't you?

I objected to the notion
of an actor being vested

With directing
responsibilities, yes.

And the network
forced you to gave in

Because they knew he was
more important to the show

Than you, right?

Objection, what's
the relevance of this?

I'll tell you the relevance.

She perceives my client
as a thr*at to her control.

So she is trying to
humiliate him with storylines

To induce him to
breach his contract.

He's no thr*at
to me, I made him.

You made me?

Jack. You didn't make me.

Sit down, mr. Seiling, or
I'll throw you out of here.

I had just write
you out completely.

I would win an emmy for it.

Miss needham.

I'll stop the whole damn show.

You'll do what I tell you to do.

Your honor, this woman's
malicious is self evident.

Everybody shut up.

Judge, I would like to call
my client to the stand now.

What?

This is a motion session
mr. Becker, not a trial.

And your case is so weak

I don't see what possible
good would it do?

I know it's an
unorthodox, judge,

But she's had a
chance to have her say.

I think in the
interests of justice

Mr. Seiling should
have his chance, as well.

Well, then I'm gonna want a
day to prepare just like he got.

All right, we reconvene
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

And this is the last day.

I mean it.

I'm gonna give this guy
10 minutes and that's it.

After that, no more witnesses.

Miss needham.

Mr. Becker.

Nice car.

Thank you.

Every time I see it,

I see you driving down the
coast highway totally naked.

Soft shiny hair
flying in the wind,

Double clutching.

Down shifting.

Stop.

Kiss me.

Not here.

Come on.

There's no one around.

Anyway she quit.

What she gonna do?

Look for another job, I guess.

What the hell is this
check from jack seiling?

Must be our fee, leland?

It's for $100,000.

What?

A 100 grand?

Yeah, I negotiated a flat
rate and he accepted it.

Well who the hell
in his right mind

Would agree to
pay it all up front,

Especially an amount like that?

I wouldn't know.

Well, tell me what you do know,

Or I'll call the client myself.

Okay.

The money's coming
from the studio.

This injunction hearing
isn't exactly adversarial.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that this...

Well, this whole thing is
sort to have been staged

To generate
publicity for the show.

Staged?

What?

Yeah, we figured the
low courtroom fireworks.

When they call the newscasts,

Maybe boost the
ratings a little.

So the producer, the
actor, and me, we are...

We kind of put on a little show.

Arnie, that's fraud.

Nobody got hurt.

We used a couple hours of
court time, what's the harm?

I'll tell you the harm.

Apart from getting
you disbarred,

It could ruin the
reputation of this firm.

You're overreacting, leland.

He's not overreacting.

What you did was unethical
and probably illegal.

We're talking about
one stupid little hearing.

This money's completely
unearned and it's going back.

Leland.

That money has been very earned.

For 100 grand the
producers bought themselves

Over a million dollars
worth of advertising.

This could turn a fledgling
replacement series

Into a five-year hit.

This money is tainted
and as head of this firm

It's my decision
not to accept it.

As a partner I say you
have no right to do that.

Well, it's too late.

I've already voted.

Ah.

Damn it, leland!

Maybe I should give
you my resignation.

Only if you really mean it

Because that I
might not tear up.

Have you gone nuts?

Look, technically, jack seiling

Instructed me to
bring that action.

It is not in... On the lawyer

To flush out the
motives of his client.

Oh, come on arnie, you're
a player in a scam here.

A completely harmless
one where nobody gets hurt,

And more importantly
nobody gets caught.

That's not the point
and you know it.

It is the point, michael.

Everybody's around here

Is worried about
the firm's exposure.

I'm telling you, there is none.

Our concern is the
dishonesty, arnie.

Hey, look I could've kept
the big fee for myself.

Paid the firm my hourly rate

And nobody would have
been the wiser but I didn't.

Because fundamentally,
I'm not dishonest.

Fundamentally I do care
about the people around here.

I'm telling you this
is a huge inroad

Into entertainment law for us.

An entire new practice.

And I'm telling you that
we don't want it that bad.

Thank you very much
for all of the support.

But since nobody elected
you moral guardian,

Why don't you just go to
your preaching someplace else.

You really don't
get this, do you?

Benny, there's someone
named ivy here to see you.

Ivy?

What does she want?

She didn't say.

I still have lots
of work to do here.

Benny, you have a visitor.

Nobody would mind if
you take a few minutes off.

Hi, benny.

What are you doing here?

I brought you some cookies.

Thank you.

Are you coming to
the center tonight?

I don't know.

I want you to.

I said I don't know.

Um, I have to get back to work.

Can I help?

No, you have to go.

I have to get back to
work well right now.

Maybe I can wait here.

No, you can't.

I don't like you coming here.

I'm sorry.

I'm not allowed to have
people like you coming here.

You have to go.

I'll get into trouble.

You have to go.

Right now!

Just a few
questions, miss kelsey.

On direct examination
you told mr. Debente

That the man who robbed
you wore a mustache.

Neatly groomed.

Correct.

And you're quite sure of that?

Positive.

Your husband testified yesterday

That he couldn't
remember a mustache.

Now is it your testimony
under oath that he's...

Mistaken?

No...

You also told the police
that the man wore a blue blazer

And your husband
said I was green.

It was blue.

Now tell me miss kelsey, is it
your experience of your husband

That he is not a
very keen observer?

No.

Well, then who's right
and whose wrong?

All right, you're talking
about two different blazers.

Let me answer the question.

First of all, you're
talking about details.

Both of us saw the same man.

Yes, but aren't appearances
made up of details?

Of course, but you're asking me

To characterize my
husband as incompetent.

No.

No, I'm asking if the
robber wore a blue blazer.

Asked and answered.

Are you now making objections

As well as answering
the questions?

What color was the
blazer, ms. Kelsey?

Blue. Thank you.

No further questions.

Prosecution rests, your honor.

The defense calls robert alden.

You're excused, miss kelsey.

Mr. Alden, how are you
presently employed?

I drive the limousine.

And how long have
you being do that?

A three years, sir.

I show you a gold rolex watch

And I ask you if
you recognize it.

I do.

Now, did you ever
rob anyone at gunpoint

In order procure this watch?

God, no.

No, the truth is,

I bought that watch
from a guy on the street.

I don't know if you're familiar
with the limousine business,

But a driver
spends a lot of time

Outside restaurants,
places like that.

Well, you're vulnerable
to a street people, hustlers.

Anyway, this guy told me he
had a rolex watch for sale.

And you agreed to buy it?

I was sure it was a knock-off.

He was asking $75 for it.

I know I should've known better.

And I feel terrible
that I played any part

In these people's misfortunes.

This man, had you
ever seen him before?

Never, nor since.

And what happened next?

Well, I wore the watch
for a couple of days.

And one of the guys
at the garage saw it

And told me it looked
like a real rolex

That I should have it apprised.

He sent me over
to a friend of his.

And that would be mr. Webb?

Right.

And mr. Webb told me how
valuable the watch was.

So all of a sudden
I'm standing there

With this incredibly
valuable time piece,

And mr. Webb asks me
if I think $3,500 for it.

He could've knocked
me flat at that point.

Did it ever occur to you

That you might be trafficking
in stolen merchandise?

No, sir.

Not until the cops came to
the garage and arrested me.

I know I exercised bad judgment,

But I'm not a criminal.

I've never been in
trouble in my life.

Maybe I could have
done little better

If I know you laid such
a poor foundation.

Oh, it's my fault, I see.

Let's just say you
didn't help the situation.

And you did.

I didn't say that.

Let's just drop it, okay?

Me, you are the one
who brought it up.

I said I'd rather
not discuss it.

All right.

Thank you.

Dish it out but
no one to take it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

I mean, what's the
point of giving it back?

What's it prove?

Exactly.

It'll just goes back in
the corporate coffer.

Exactly.

And with the
publicity we're getting,

It's a drop in the ocean.

You think you're
getting publicity now?

Just wait until jack
seiling understand.

Front page?

It's a good sh*t.

You play your part,
and he plays his.

There's no way this stays in
the entertainment section.

In other way it's
not true, is it?

What?

Well, you two of
you had an affair,

It went sour and
you paid him back

By putting my address
in a pair of pantyhose.

Are you kidding?

You know, I'd never get
involved with an actor.

Money aside, arnie, I
really am in your debt.

And if we're finished here now

I'd like to discuss a payment
schedule on the ride home.

Let me make a quick
trip to the boy's room.

I'll be back in a sec.

Hi. Hi.

Arnold becker? Yes.

I'm special investigator hamel.

This is detective miller.

We're attached to the
entertainment fraud division

Of the district
attorney's office.

You're under arrest.

What?

You have the right
to remain silent.

You have the right
to an attorney.

Well, hold on. Hold on.

There must be some
sort of mistake here.

What are the charges?

Pertaining to your action

Seiling versus...
Needham production's

Fraudulent use of legal process.

Conspiracy to commit fraud

Against a california
state court.

Oh, god.

You gonna have
to come with us, sir.

Assume the position.

Hey, come on, i...
Assume the position.

Let the guy zip his
pants up for god sake.

Guys, please just give
me this one break here.

I mean, where am I going?

I'll surrender myself tomorrow.

I swear. Just...

Let me walk out
of here right now.

I'll owe you forever.

Can't do it, ace.

Just hold it. Leo, hold it.

You're like a well-known
divorce attorney, right?

Right.

Maybe this guy can help me out.

Are you getting a divorce?

Yeah.

Look, I could
handle this for you.

I'll bury her.

She'll never know...
Don't cuff him, leo.

This guy is gonna save my bacon.

Look, we let you go tonight,

You present yourself
tomorrow morning,

11:00 A.m. Sharp, at the office
of the special investigations.

You be there.

I swear! I don't like it.

Come on, leo, where
else am I gonna find

A shark like this to
handle my divorce?

Okay, but I'm doing this
for you, not this creep.

God bless you.
God bless you both.

Tomorrow, 11:00 sharp, be there.

Or I swear... I
will! Yeah, I will!

I will!

Okay, counselor.

I don't expect you
to understand this.

But my life has
just turned to crap.

What's going on?

Tell him, arnold.

Last night two cops
working at the d.a.'S office

Tried to arrest me.

What for?

Fraudulent use of process,
conspiracy to commit a fraud.

They found out the
whole story of jack seiling

And consenting adults.

Michael, I've got to
surrendering myself

At 11 o'clock this morning.

You go to go down there with me.

Yeah, yeah, sure,
I'll go with you.

I mean, I know, I know that
I brought this on myself.

Yeah, you sure hell did.

You brought it on all of us.

I know, I know, and I'm sorry
but can we do down there

And explain it as a
mistaken judgment.

We'll say that I've
been under stress

That I've been
taking pain K*llers...

I'll get into therapy.
Michael, I'll do anything.

Oh, why don't we wait to see
what we're up against first?

Yeah.

Truthfully I think you're
overreacting this little a bit.

You think so?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, hey, what's the
worst case scenario here?

I don't know.

Uh, a year.

A-a-a year?

Minimum security, full library,

Visiting privileges, the works.

You're saying that they
could jail me for a year?

Oh, wait a minute. That's
the worst case scenario.

The truth is, well, I think
that payment of a fine

And permanent disbarment

Would be more than
enough for them.

What am I gonna do?

I mean, I've just screwed
up my entire life then.

Wait a minute, did hamel tell
you to bring a toothbrush?

No. He didn't tell me...

How did you know that
his name was hamel?

Oh, you bastard.

This is a practical joke?

And flawlessly ex*cuted.

And you let me
sweat this all night?

Michael, take a loot at my eyes

They are totally puffed plus

Which... Do you know
what this kind of stress

Does to my system?

Five days from now,

I'll be looking
at a high colonic.

Leland, where you in on this?

No. No, I wasn't.

And I don't personally
think is a fit topic for jokes.

Well, at least
thank god it's over.

Not quite yet.

What time are you due in court?

I'm sorry.

All right, let's get on with it.

Mr. Becker, did you
get your guy up here

And I am warning everybody...
No more outbursts.

Your honor, this time

I move to withdraw the
plaintiff's application

For a temporary
restraining order.

After a closer scrutiny of
the facts and legal precedents,

I cannot represent in
good faith to the court

That the circumstances
justify prior restraint.

Are you kidding?

After two days of
honking like a goose,

Now you say never mind?

I don't think a
tro is warranted,

Judge and I see no reason
to take additional court time

With my client's testimony.

I don't believe this.

Well, since you readily admit
that your motion is untenable,

I'm ordering your client to
pay defendant's attorney fees

In this matter, and I'm
assessing court costs

Against your firm in
the amount of $5,000.

Maybe that will encourage you

To take a closer
scrutiny of the facts

Before wasting
two days of my time.

That's all.

Counsel waive closing arguments?

Yes, your honor.

Mr. Alden, based on
the shaky witness

Identification
presented in this case,

I did not find the
evidence exists

To support the people's
case of armed robbery.

With regard to the lesser charge
of receiving stolen property,

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to find you guilty.

Sentencing date
set two weeks hence.

I will tell you sir,
to put you at ease,

Assuming a clean
probation report,

I doubt if you would
be doing any jail time.

Thank you, your honor.

Just don't buy any
more stolen watches.

We're adjourned.

Just handed her the notes.

Stuart. Ann.

Ah, look, I just
wanted to say...

No hard feelings.

That's really big of you.

Hey, wait a minute, look, I know

What you're thinking,
but this is not about

Hurting anybody, okay.

It's about economic privation.

Come on, ann.
Well, wait a minute.

You got something to say with us

Then tell us what you did
with my wife's engagement ring?

You read my mind or something?

Come here.

I know that ring has lots
of sentimental value to you,

But the truth is diamonds
are a depreciating asset.

I wouldn't be surprised
if I can get half of what

You people paid for it.

Great. Give it back.

Oh, be delighted to

But I need certain
considerations.

You want me to buy the
ring you stole from us?

Either that or work out a swap.

What kind of swap?

The gold rolex.

He wants the watch.

Forget it.

Stuart.

Come on, ann.

I don't want to do business
with this grease ball.

Stuart, I want my ring back.

You remember where
the watch came from.

Um... Okay.

Good for you, stuart.

A happy ending.

I'll call you to
work out a swap.

Gracie? Hi.

What are you doing here?

I've been doing things domestic.

Huh, such as?

Shopping.

We're eating
dinner home tonight.

A bottle of chardonnay.

Mm, trefethen, 1985.

That's right.

Two salmon fillets, a
little angel hair pasta,

A little fresh pesto,
tapered candles...

It's the perfect
yuppie dinner for two.

Oh, gracie, I love you so much.

Dessert comes
after dinner, buddy.

Michael, no kidding,

I've had the best
day doing nothing.

Sleeping late, window
shopping, thinking...

Thinking!

And don't let this get around

But I even waxed
the kitchen floor

And loved every minute of it.

Oh, no, should I
call the doctor?

No, no.

I mean... I mean, maybe
tomorrow or next week,

Or next month, I'll be
bored out of my skull,

But right now, the thought
of living under your roof,

Cooking your dinner,
being there for you

When you get home, and
listening to your problems,

Instead of my own,
is very appealing.

I might even take up laundry.

Be still my heart.

No. You have to work.

No. Stay.

What time will you be home?

I don't know. 7:00... 7:30.

Okay.

Don't be late.

I love you, kuzak.

I love you.

Bye.

What the hell was that
in court today, becker?

I owe you an explanation.

You owe me more than that.

You pulled the plug
before the payoff.

Come on jamie, the plan worked.

The show's been
in the newspapers

Every day for a week.

What about the lovers'
quarrel in open court?

Barring w*r or assassination,

We had the lead story
on the evening news

Coast to coast.

We were in line to do a
35 rating with a 50 share.

So instead, you'll do a
25 rating with a 40 share.

You're writing off
10 of my rating points

So that you can be a boy scout?

That's nearly 9 million
viewing households.

What I was doing was wrong.

I was ready to be splayed naked

Across every checkout
counters and supermarket

In america for the
good of this show.

All I can think of
right now you cost me

The cover of people magazine.

I'm sorry, jamie.

But whatever else I am,
I have to be legitimate.

Benny, I would like
to talk to you about

What happened yesterday.

Are you mad at me?

I'm pretty disappointed in you.

What about?

Ivy, she came here
to see you yesterday,

And you hurt her feelings.

You said I wouldn't like
everybody I went on date with.

Not liking somebody doesn't
mean you can hurt them.

She doesn't
understand about things.

What things?

Things.

She's not as smart as I am.

You don't treat people decently

Because they're smart, benny.

You do it because
they're people.

Benny, I want you to
think about something

And I want you to
think about it very hard.

Remember those kids

Who snatched
your cap on the bus?

Yeah.

They called you dummy.

They called you ret*rd.

They said to themselves that
you weren't as smart as them,

So it was ok to be cruel to you
and was okay to make you cry.

They were wrong, benny.

It wasn't okay, was it?

No.

He's late.

He'll show up.

I'm freezing.

Stuart, ann... Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, shall we do it?

Here's the ring.

You got the watch?

Freeze!

You're busted. What?

You got the right
to remain silent.

You've right to an attorney.

I know my rights.

For god's sake I went to
law school you can't do this.

Jeopardy's attached.

Then try against
smart ass, try perjury.

What?

You lied at your trial.

That's a two-year hitch.

Oh, I'm very disappointed.

I trusted you people.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'll be okay.

You know, you're too good
a lawyer to go squander

Your talents on cheap theatrics.

You're too good
a practical joker

To be squandering
your talent on law.

You got me.

Hey, want to have
dinner with me and gracie?

I can give her a call.

No. No, thanks.

I got a date.

See you tomorrow.

Benny, what are
you still doing here?

Tidying up.

But the building has
people to do that.

I just thought
I'd help out so...

They don't have to stay so late.

You have a good heart, benny.

Thanks, arnie.

So...

How's the love life?

I don't have one, arnie.

I don't understand girls.

Tell me about it.

Well, they want stuff,

But they don't tell you what.

You have to guess at it.

Sounds like you
understand them just fine.

Do you know what they want?

Everything.

Love, attention, lots of money.

Sex.

Girls scare me, arnie.

They're different from us.

Vive la difference, mon frere.

Benny?

If you're about done in here,

How about you and me
go get a little bite to eat?

Great.