07x04 - Robot P. Coltrane

[bunniefuu]

Yee-haw.

Most ordinary days in Hazzard

would be pretty
extraordinary anywhere else.

And this one ain't no different.

It commenced when
Bo, Luke and Daisy

were heading for Hazzard
for store bought groceries.

And some trouble was
heading the same way

in the person of Rance and Marv.

Rance, riding shotgun
worked for a big electronics firm

in Atlanta until yesterday.

Relax, Marv.

We stole the merchandise
and nobody saw us.

It went just like I planned.

I know, Rance. I know.

I'll just feel a lot better
when we get up here

to this abandoned
shed. That's all.

We're gonna be rich, Marv. Rich.

With what we got in
the back of this truck

we're gonna be in fat city.

That guy's getting awful close.

Bo.

Y'all alright?

- Yeah, no thanks to you.
- 'No thanks to us?'

We wasn't the ones trying
to pass somebody on a turn.

Keep your hands off that.
That's private property.

sh**t, I was only
trying to help you out.

Yeah, well, in that case

why don't you help us out
by letting us move along.

We got important
business in New Orleans.

New Orleans? You headed
in the wrong direction.

Thanks for the advice.
We know where we're going.

You never gonna get
there, driving the way you do.

'That's our business, isn't it"

I wanna talk to you about that..

Bo, come on.

- He can't talk to her that way.
- That's right, he's rude.

Did that rube get
a look in the back?

No, but we gotta get
the goods to the cabin.

Okay, give me the map.

Okay. If we turn left
here at Jimson Lane cutoff

that'll take us
right to the cabin.

What do you suppose
they had in that truck?

- They didn't want us to see?
- I don't know, but, uh.

Frankly, Scarlett, I
don't give a damn.

Now don't get your
ear under there, Flash.

'You'll mash your
little velvet ear.'

I'll pop this old hubcap.

Almost scuffed you there.

'Oh, good grief.'

- Those pesky, Dukes.
- Hey, Rosco.

- Hi.
- Need some help?

No. Are you kidding?
Of course I need help.

I got a flat tire here,
and it's all yours fault.

Wait a minute,
how'd we to do that?

- He's getting to it.
- Well, it's very simple.

Made me wear it down to a
nub chasing you three, that's how.

How can we argue
with reasoning like that.

- Let's go boys.
- I'll get the spare.

Hey, Rosco, give me that
thing before you hurt yourself.

That's them, that
run us off the road.

Never mind that. He's doing
at least miles an hour.

And I haven't got
my ticket quota yet.

Okay, I'm gonna
commandeer your vehicle.

We're in hot
pursuit! Get, Flash.

Think the company will pay the
ransom to get that thing back?

They got millions invested
in that thing back there.

They'll pay.

It isn't just the
money with you, is it?

That's for sure.

I was the chief engineer's
assistant for nine years.

The day they finish
that thing they fired me.

And he got all the credit.

Those hicks are following
us again. Get on it.

If you lose that truck.

I'm gonna get you
for-for not speeding.

Hold on.

Yee-haw!

This time they got
the law with 'em.

Alright, there.

Shame, shame, everybody
knows your name.

Now, you two are
going into town with me.

- What for, officer?
- Are you kidding, fella?

I mean, you were speeding.
Alright, you, Duke boys.

Call Cooter and get him
to get his truck out here.

- And tow my vehicle in there...
- Now, listen, officer...

Listen. No, you listen.

Get in that vehicle before I
get you for resisting arrest.

That's a no-no. Good.
Get in there. Go on, go on.

Oh, I tell you, police work's
my life. I love hot pursuit.

But you guys were flying and
Flash, she loves hot pursuit.

What a beautiful day
in Hazzard County.

I'll tell you, that's a good
day for making money.

Any way you can.

Oh, Rosco P. Coltrane don't
mess with him here in Hazzard.

Especially a stranger.
You are strangers here.

Okay, we'll just
park it right here.

- Rosco? What happened?
- I got 'em, I got 'em.

Oh, listen. I got two
hot ones. Two speeders.

I caught 'em just flying.

Oh, you did? Ha ha ha.

I sure hope they
was going the limit.

Oh, yeah.

- Alright, alright.
- Still want top dollar on 'em.

- Ha-ha.
- Alright. Get on down there.

I want you to meet
the commissioner here.

This is Commissioner Hogg.

Well, thank you very
much, Sheriff Coltrane.

I'm J.D. Hogg, county
commissioner around here.

According to correct
investigatory procedures

it's my duty to find out
why y'all was racing through

our fair county lickety-split,
the way you was.

Why don't you just open the
back door of that there truck

'we'll find out,
what's so important.'

Yeah, that's my
sentiments exactly.

Get it open, there.

Let's see what you got there.

- Yeah.
- Well, not much, I'd say.

No.

'Look, it's gotta be..'

- I'll be hornswoggled.
- At least.

Bobby Joe..

This is Commissioner
Hogg and Sheriff Coltrane.

Oh. Ha ha ha.

I know what a hog
is. What is a Coltrane?

Good day, gentlemen.

The feeling's the
same on this end.

What is, eh..?

'Look, now. Look. Look.'

I mean, he talks, now he walks.

Well... I ain't too
sure about that.

I tell you, that is something.
He really is something.

May I?

Oh, you may.

Oh, look at that.

Ain't he something, Rosco?

My, oh, my. Look what he done

He can't fool me,
he ain't no he.

- What?
- That's a robot.

I can see by his beady red eyes

flipping back
and forth like that.

The Coltrane is quick.

It has a perfect
grasp of the obvious.

- You can say that again.
- Well, I appreciate that.

Oh, it's a robot you had
in the back of your truck.

- Name of Bobby Joe.
- Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

You listen. I'll knock you..

You see, Bobby Joe's the
reason we were in such a hurry.

He's my, uh...
he's my invention.

He's one of the world's
first voice activated

self circuit motivated models.

- He is?
- Yeah.

My partner and I are our
way to Atlanta, to sell him.

You were. Well..

Tell me, what else can
this Bobby Joe robot do?

Oh, anything a human
being can do, only better.

Are you kidding?

Name one thing that
pile of scrap metal can do.

That a highly-trained,
professional, lethal lawman

like Rosco P. Coltrane can do.

I could, I'm warning you.

See, l give you a last warning.

I'm serious now.

Thought you'd give up.

Oh.

The Coltrane is
fun to play with.

And to think that
he tried to arrest

you two fine gentlemen.

Well, listen, it
wasn't my fault.

It was the, Dukes.
They made me do it.

'They been causing us grief,
since we entered this county.'

Maybe I can settle
accounts with you.

While at the same time,
you prove to me how versatile

your, Bobby Joe robot really is.

What's Boss doing with those
two men, that Rosco arrested?

Dispensing a little
shade tree justice, I hope.

- Yeah.
- Let's take a look.

Pedestrians, halt.

You are in violation of
Hazzard Penal Code, Section -

loitering and impeding
vehicular traffic.

Humans must not interfere
with machines. That's a no-no.

Move along, have a nice
day. Nice day. Nice day.

I give up, Boss,
what's this about?

It's all about your $
fine for all your violations.

'But since I'm
feeling charitable'

I'll make it a package deal
and charge for all of you.

- Yeah.
- Now, would you please.

Cough it up before
I change my mind.

I ain't got money.

- I got it.
- 'Daisy, pay the guy, will ya?'

Who belongs to
this thing, anyhow?

It belongs to these two
fine gentlemen who built him.

'They was on
their way to Atlanta'

when fickle finger
fate brought 'em

to the bosom of our fair
community, which is me.

I will accept the fine.

Precisely $ in
authentic U.S. currency.

Each serial
number is legitimate.

Oh, I'll take it.

And thank you very
much, Bobby Joe.

N-now, would you please.

Gentlemen, would you
just follow me into my office?

I'm gonna make you an offer
for the robot, you can't refuse.

Mr. Inventor, you tell me how
we're gonna get out of this one.

- Maybe we don't want to.
- What?

We sell Bobby Joe to Hogg,
and then we steal him back

and ransom him to the
company just like we planned.

Hey..

- Kind of a double whammy.
- Yeah, come on.

It's kind of cute.

Come on, Daisy. That talking
hunk of tin, just cost us $ .

- Cost you?
- Yeah, well.

I don't like them two guys

any better than the
first time we met 'em.

Me neither, told us they're
going to New Orleans

they tell Boss Hogg Atlanta.
That don't make no sense.

Hey, tell me something.

Why would they be selling
that robot which is so valuable.

To Boss instead of a company or
to the government or something?

We got a lot of questions.

I'll bet this truck's got
some of the answers.

, , , , Simoleons.

Ha ha ha.

- Like we just agreed.
- Can I see...

And you gentlemen
will get the other ,

when you show me how to
work, all them dials and switches.

So that I can make
him do just like you.

- Yes, sir. - Mr. Hogg.

Them, Duke boys are
stepping on our toes again.

Tell me, what are they
doing? Oh, look at them.

Uh-uh. They got their nerve,
jumping around the truck.

Rosco, get out there,
and arrest them, Dukes

for breaking and entering,
tampering and anything else.

- You can think of.
- I'm gone.

Mr. Hogg, think
he can handle it?

Well, if he can't, I'm
sure Bobby Joe can.

- No problem.
- Yeah.

I didn't know inventors used
g*ns when they invented.

Put it down. Learn
something every day.

Alright, you, Dukes.

Come out of there
with your hands up.

- Now we've had it.
- 'Come on out.'

I know you're in there.
I can hear you in there.

One, two..

Wait. Wait.

See you later, Rosco.

Stop them, Dukes.

- Well, come on.
- It ain't moving.

Escape does not interface
with existing law procedure.

Lord, take a look at this.

Rear left tire out of alignment.

Alright, this is treason.

Alright, you Dukes,
get out of the vehicle.

That's what I call
law enforcement!

Please do not touch metal.

Hogg hands are greasy
from breakfast chitterlings.

Oh. Excuse me.

Alright, then, Enos. Hustle
these Dukes to the hoosegow.

Wait just a pea-picking
minute, I can handle this.

You? You can't handle
breathing the air around ya.

No, I got more important
things in store for you. Come on.

And boys, you come
too and bring my robot.

Better you than that
old bucket of bolts.

Well, it's not your fault.
You're just following orders.

Better give Uncle Jesse, a call.

- We're gonna need bail money.
- Sure thing, Luke.

Jesse had just enough money
to bail Daisy, Bo and Luke out.

But the way things
were fixin' to turn out

the Dukes would've been
better off staying in jail or in bed.

'You call yourself
a highly trained'

'professional lawman, huh?'

'All I can say is..'

'...I've had to deal with
your gross inefficiency'

'for the last time.
Brother-in-law or no.'

'From now on, consider
yourself a civilian.'

- 'A civilian?'
- Yeah.

I got myself a new sheriff.

- Oh, a new sheriff?
- Uh-huh.

A sheriff who don't
need no vacation pay

no sick pay, no per diem,
no fringes, no pension

- No perks!
- No percent of percent?

He don't need that neither.

Enos ain't the man for
the job. He's an idiot.

'For once you're right. Mm-hm.'

On account of, I hereby am
taking this here sheriff's badge

off you and pinning
it on the new sheriff

of Hazzard County,
Bobby Joe Robot.

Our circuits are simulated.
We are now a Coltrane.

Robot P. Coltrane
reporting, sir.

Robot P. Coltrane, that's good.

But, Boss, he ain't got a heart.

The robot ain't got a heart,
Rosco ain't much on brains

and things are
looking bad in Hazzard.

Boss, we couldn't
help but overhear.

I think you're being a hasty
in letting Rosco go. Ain't ya?

A little hasty? Oh-oh, do tell.

Listen, I thought you, Dukes
would be jumping for joy

to see Rosco out of office.

Well, Boss, now
Rosco's got his faults.

But sh**t, you can't
replace him with

some reject from a
science fiction movie.

J.D., you're
running true to form

penny wise and a whole
bunch of money foolish.

That's right, Jesse.

Oh, you see, I'd like
to know what happens

when that Federal Reserve
truck comes in Monday morning.

'I'd like to see what
that tin can does'

'to protect that $ ,
in your bank, Boss.'

Oh, holy hen. I plumb
forgot about the money.

Oh, Boss, uh... Bobby
Joe can take care of that.

'Yeah, he's programmed
for bank security.'

Now, now, I want you,
Dukes and the ex-sheriff

to vacate the premises.

Alright, fat boy.

You can't fire me,
'cause I'm gonna quit.

Oh, well, well.
Alright, alright.

I accept your resignation.

On account of, it saves me
the cost of severance pay.

- And I accept your g*n too.
- Well, wait a minute.

On account of that's
county property.

Well, wait-wait-wait..

I sure am sorry
about this, sheriff.

I want you to know I ain't gonna
let that robot call me dipstick.

I appreciate that,
Enos. Now, just..

'My oh, my, you sure look nice.'

- Enos, they pay their fine?
- Yes, sir, they did.

- Well, then clear 'em out.
- Yes, sir.

- Glad to be gone.
- Thanks a lot, Boss.

- Mr. Hogg?
- Yeah?

Since Bobby Joe's
gonna guard your money

I think we ought give
him, a look at the bank?

Of course, the
sooner the better.

Alright, follow me. We'll
go out the back. Come on.

Marv, that $ ,
is as good as ours.

Come on, come on, what's
keeping ya? Come on.

Come on, Flash. No, darling, no.

We... we can't go in
hot pursuit no more.

Your daddy's been
replaced by a bucket of bolts.

It's just..

It's just you and
me, velvet ears.

All I've got is
you and my youth.

Poor old Rosco. Being
replaced by a hunk of metal.

That robot's gonna
mean nothing but trouble.

Boss running around
with that kind of manpower

ain't gonna be good for us.

We just gotta convince
Boss that those two jerks

aren't what they claim to be.

We need a lot of good evidence.
We don't know where to start.

Maybe we do.

I found a map of Hazzard,
in their glove compartment

with an X marked on Jimson
Lane cutoff by Route .

What would they mark
up a map of Hazzard for?

One way to find out.

While you boys are doing that

I think Rosco would like to
talk to somebody about now.

Daisy and me will try
to catch up with him.

After Boss showed
the bank layout

to his two new best friends

Rance showed Boss
how to operate the robot.

Being Saturday, the bank
was closed to the public.

Now, did you tell me
that this here, red switch

well, that's, uh, to make
him voice-activated?

- 'That's correct, sir.'
- I'm gonna try that now.

The Hogg has a nice
touch with the controls.

Bobby Joe, light my cigar.

Smoking is bad for your health.

But your slightest
wish is my command.

I like that, my wish.

Mr. Hogg, your hat's on fire

- I'm on fire! Do something!
- The surgeon general is right.

Oh-oh.

Oh.

My, oh, my. With
a robot like this

I can get rid of my
whole fire department.

- Uh, Mr. Hogg.
- Yeah, yeah.

Considering the
fact that Bobby Joe's

gonna be guarding your $ , .

I think it'd be a good if
he had the combination

and the key to your vault?

- Oh, no.
- Just for emergencies.

Never-never-never.
On account of it

If I did that and somebody
got a hold of this here

control box, they could get
Bobby Joe to steal all my money.

Oh, of course, you're right.

So only you knows
the combination?

Oh, naturally.

Only you have a
key to the vault?

My ex-sheriff has a duplicate
key, in case I lost mine.

But, then again,
without the combination

that key wouldn't do him
nor nobody else no good.

Uh, I wonder, Mr. Hogg.

If we could leave this in
your vault for safekeeping?

- Ain't that the money I give?
- Yes, sir.

- You want it in the vault?
- Yeah.

Well, it'd be my pleasure.

Well, that's mighty nice of you.

Here. I'll get the key.

And then..

I wonder if you
gentlemen wouldn't mind..

Oh-oh-oh. No, sir.

Not at all. We've
something to do.

- Got something to do.
- See you later.

- See you later.
- 'Bye, have a good time.'

'Let's see now, that's,
uh, to the right'

to the left. Yeah.

'And .'

We've got to get the
key from that sheriff

and we are gonna
be $ , richer.

Wait a minute, how
we gonna do that?

By playing onto the
fact that he just got fired.

And giving him a
chance to become a hero.

Marv. I put this
map in the glove box.

- What's it doing out here?
- I don't know.

The Dukes.

- If they find our hideout...
- Hey, we can't let that happen.

- No matter what.
- Well, what about the sheriff?

He can wait. The Dukes can't.

Here's the spot where
that X was on Daisy's map.

Nothing out here but weeds.

And Deak Clancy's hunting shack.

I'm surprised
you forgot about it.

Why, there..

They've been nobody
out here for years.

Except you and Lucy
Mae last summer.

Hey, look at that.
Fresh tire tracks.

Somebody's sure
as heck using it now.

Doesn't look like
anybody's around.

- Take a look inside.
- Alright.

At least now we know
where they're holed up.

They sure ain't just
passing through town.

- Find anything?
- Uh-uh.

- You?
- Yeah.

As a matter of
fact, look at this.

It's addressed to the
president of Atlanta Robotics.

Huh.

- Ain't sealed.
- Ain't stamped.

Holy smoke.

"This is a ransom note

"demanding $ ,
for the return of the robot

or the robot will be destroyed."

You can read. Alright.

That qualifies as
evidence, don't it?

Sounds like it to me.

Rance, coming at us.

Well, we got company.

Gotta make sure they don't
stay back there too long. Hang on.

Well, maybe they
didn't find the cabin.

Hazzard County's their
turf. They found it, alright.

We can assume they
found the ransom note.

- Where are them fellas now?
- Right behind us.

That guy didn't look
like he'd drive like that.

I bet he can't follow us through
Artie's Auto Yard, though.

Uh-oh. Our shortcut's
been cut short.

Gee, hang on.

- What are you looking at?
- Uh, Bo.

'Gotta go around.'

- Great. Better take a look.
- Yeah.

Doesn't seem to have
done any damage or nothing.

No, put that back on. We'll
get the heck on out of here.

Hang on, Luke, I'm on my way.

Hold on, guys hold it.

I expect you fellas
found the ransom note.

Dang right we did,
Rance, old buddy

Next time you see this,
it's gonna be Exhibit A.

I don't think so.

Well, now.

Since you two do-gooders
lead such a clean life

I don't expect you'll
need time for praying.

Now, hold on.

These computer boys
are getting carried away.

Hold it, Marv. I
got a better idea.

There you go,
let's talk about it.

Rance, let me just finish 'em.

Just wait a second,
now, Marv, uh..

I like Rance's idea
a whole lot better

whatever it is.

Think we'll tie 'em up.

Take them back to the
cabin with both vehicles.

Voice-activated button.

Now, then, Bobby Joe.

Firmly affix this
napkin around my neck.

- Affix napkin firmly.
- There.

Oh, wait a minute. That,
no-no-no. That's too..

- Too what?
- Tight.

Ugh. Oh.

I'd rather do it myself.
Communication failure.

You said "firmly," which
means to securely fasten.

- Yeah, I know, I know.
- Chow time, huh?

'Greetings, former Coltrane.'

Hogg, may I have the
Coltrane to play with?

Out of my way,
you pile of pot metal.

You tinker toy.

Boss, I've just been
thinking it over, and I

I thought you might wanna rehire
me as your sheriff, you know?

Instead of this oversized,
humongous erector set, you know?

If you've got anything to
say to me well, I'm listening.

Yeah, well, I got
nothing to say to you..

On account of
you're still ex-sheriff.

Now, just run along
and let me eat in peace.

Oh, I haven't eaten myself.

You know, one of
these looks good.

I mean, I like these.

I hope you come down
with a bad case of rust. You..

Oh, Bobby Joe, between
you, me and this control box

I'm going to make Hazzard County

my own personal golden goose.

'What do you suppose
Hogg would do'

if we told him, the Duke boys
were planning to rob the bank.

He'd send the
sheriff to pick 'em up.

Meaning the only law to protect
all that money is Bobby Joe.

'Great.'

Gonna add bank robbing
to your list of crimes?

We're not gonna take a
fall for robbing any banks.

We sure as heck ain't.

I think he's talking
about Rosco, dummy.

Very good.

We got lots to do. See
you later, boy scouts.

Rosco aint exactly
on my Christmas list

but we gotta get out
afore they do all that.

You better save your breath
for struggling and not for talking.

They tie a good knot.

Lost Sheep, this is Bo Peep
looking for ya. Come on in.

- Try it again.
- Alright.

Lost Sheep, this is Bo Peep
and the Shepherd looking for ya.

Now come on in.

Uncle Jesse, it ain't
like Bo and Luke

not to check in with
us when they promised.

That CB of theirs
has been acting up.

'It wouldn't hurt if
we go look for 'em.'

Well, we ain't
getting nowhere fast.

I know it.

- Hey?
- Huh?

- Got me an idea.
- How's it feel?

Cute.

If I can get a hold of
that piece of glass..

Here, hunker down a little bit.

Alright.

Maybe we can cut
these ropes free.

Watch yourself.

'There. I got it.'

'If I just work
it over this way'

'Oh, man.'

If it were my
money in that vault

I'd wanna see those
Duke boys behind bars.

Mm. Yes, so would I.

Alright, alright.

Um, uh, Gussie, give
me the county jail.

Enos, this is J.D. Hogg calling.

Listen, wake up
and pay attention.

I want you to find Bo and Luke

bring 'em back, lock 'em
up and throw away the key.

Possum on a gum bush, Mr. Hogg.
We only got one set of keys.

That was only a
figure of speech, ninny.

But what have they done?

It ain't what they done, it's
what they're planning to do.

Which is rob my bank.
Listen, if you don't find 'em

I'm gonna replace
you with another robot.

A stupid one.

Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

Well, that ought to do it, huh?

Well, not quite, Mr. Hogg.

That doesn't, uh, conclude..

The complete financial
part of our transaction.

- About that $ , I owe ya.
- Yes.

'I haven't got that here. I
keep it with my private funds.'

Have to go over to my office
at the Boar's Nest to get it.

No-no-no, I just can't
leave the bank unprotected.

With them Dukes on the loose.

Mr. Hogg, you've
got Bobby Joe here.

Of course I do.

I know, I'll make
him voice activated.

Little red button
there. That's right.

Bobby Joe.

See that no one gets
near the vault till I return.

Shouting unnecessary.

I'll just check it out now.

- Bobby Joe, release Mr. Hogg.
- Hogg said no one near vault.

- I meant no one else.
- Poor communication.

You think you can shimmy
up this pipe a little bit with me?

There's an old joint
that don't look like

it could take... a
whole lot of stress.

Come on.

- Got her?
- Yeah.

Come on, start pulling at it.

One, two..

And while Bo and Luke was
looking to free themselves

Jesse and Daisy was
still looking for them.

Back at the Boar's Nest

Rosco was drowning
his sorrows in buttermilk.

I want some more.

And that stuff will k*ll ya.

Leave the bottle.

Rosco's a goner for sure.

Oh, it ain't gonna help.

Here it is, gentlemen.

My very own Boar's
Nest. I'll go get your money.

I'll be right back.

- Sheriff?
- Oh. What?

Oh. Sheesh.

You know, Marv
and I are sure sorry

to be the cause of
you to lose your job.

- Yeah.
- We'd like to make up for it.

You want to make up for it
then you can get rid of that junk.

With those beady red eyes
that go zipping back and forth.

Sheriff, you know
that we can't do that.

- I'll tell you what we can do.
- What?

Might be able to get
you your job back.

Are you kidding? Huh?

How-how would you do that?

Well, I overheard the Dukes
talking about robbing the bank.

- Yeah.
- The Dukes? Robbing a bank?

See? Shame-shame
on them. I knew that, see.

- Yes, he said it. He said it.
- There you go.

What if we could arrange for
you to catch them red-handed

while they was robbing the bank.

- Oh, that would be marvelous.
- Hey.

I bet not only would Mr. Hogg
give you your job back

but probably a
nice raise to boot.

Oh, he would. He'd give
me my job back and..

Well, he wouldn't
give me a raise.

But he would give me the job.

How are you gonna.. How is he..

How are we gonna arrange that?

Why don't we just buy you
a drink and we'll talk about it.

No, It's on me. Bartender.

Set up the boys.
Mm, there you go.

Would you rather
have this on the rocks?

- No, no.
- No, no.

One, two, three..

Alright, bend her
down a little further.

Get these ropes off.

Come on. There we go.

Nice.

You gotta use..

- You alright?
- Yeah, I think so.

Let's get out of here.

All we gotta do now is CB Boss
and tell him what we found out.

Boss, it's... Ah, terrific.

Compliments, Marv and Rance.

Well, we still got
wheels. Let's use 'em.

I'll meet you there
in minutes..

Just like you told me.

I'll tell you something.

Old velvet ears is gonna
really be proud of her daddy.

It's a dog, it's a..

Alright, gentlemen,
here's your money

, Simoleons. Counted
it all. That's what took so long.

Now, here's the bill of sale.
All you gotta do is sign it.

Yeah, right down there
on the dotted line. Yeah.

And Bobby Joe
Robot will be mine.

- All yours.
- Yeah.

I better get back to the bank
before them Duke boys come...

- No, wait.
- Mr. Hogg.

What?

If you were the Dukes,
and you saw you in the bank.

- What'd you do?
- Yeah.

If I had any
sense, I'd hightail it.

Of course, by that
time I, being me

would have them,
being them, under arrest.

Mr. Hogg, you can't arrest a
man for thinking about robbery.

- Gotta catch him in the act.
- Yes, of course.

Why don't you go in there
and wait by your telephone

and Marv and I'll go
stake out the bank.

When the Dukes come to rob it
Bobby Joe will apprehend 'em.

We'll call you to come over
and make everything legal.

Oh, yeah well,
that's a good idea.

Alright listen-listen
here, you gotta take this

that's the key to the
front door of the bank.

- Thank you, sir.
- Oh, thank you.

You know, you two gentlemen

you sure are awful
good to me, for strangers.

Well, that's how
strangers get to be friends.

- Alright, I'll be waiting.
- Okay, sir.

- I'll be waiting.
- We'll call you.

Uh-oh. Bad news. Picked up Enos.

Bo, Luke, Mr. Hogg
wants me to bring y'all in.

'That means that Marv
and Rance got to Boss

and Boss got to Enos.

Yeah, which means if we stop
for Enos he's gonna arrest us.

Which means we ain't stopping.

Bo, Luke, I'm asking
y'all again to please stop.

'I'm sure everything's
gonna be alright'

'once you talk to Mr. Hogg.'

Well, at least Bo
and Luke are all safe.

Yeah, but why is
Enos chasing them?

We better get to town.

- Is Enos still hanging in?
- Yeah, dang it all.

We ought to lose him
by the top of the hill.

'There's no way
around that truck.'

Maybe if you was to
catch it right at the top.

Give it a sh*t.

- Now or never.
- Hang on.

Now Friends, when a
Duke says "hang on"

you better pucker
hard. You're fixin' to fly.

- How did we do that?
- I don't know.

Just don't do it again, alright?

'Let's go to bank.'

I sure hope Mr. Hogg didn't
mean what he said about the robot.

Meanwhile, Sheriff
Coltrane was following

the plan laid out for
him by Rance and Marv.

Where are the Dukes?
You told me they'd be here.

They'll be here
any minute, sheriff.

Matter of fact, Rance

I think we've time for
rehearsal, don't we?

- Yeah.
- A rehearsal? Oh.

A rehearsal, I love show biz.

This'd be the biggest
moment of your life.

- Wanna get it right, don't you?
- I wanna get it right.

- Alright.
- What do I do?

Why don't you squat
down under that desk.

Wait, you want me to hunker
down underneath that desk?

- Yeah.
- Well, why not?

- Gotta suffer for your art.
- All the way underneath.

'Be careful of your head.'

- Oh.
- 'Good work.'

Marv and I will pretend
like we're the Duke boys.

We're gonna sneak over
to the safe like this, see.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, here.

Now, listen, while you're
pussyfooting around here

what happens to this bucket
of bolts? What's he doing?

We'll get to
that later, sheriff.

Now, Bobby Joe, what
is the combination?

Eleven right, left right.

Now, sheriff, hand me your key.

Well, listen, uh, how
did this bucket of bolts

learn the combination
of that safe?

Oh, now, Rosco. Boss gave
the combination to the robot.

When you arrest them, he'll
think the robot was in on it.

- You can take 'em all to jail.
- Oh, I get to take 'em..

Listen, I'm.. Oh, the key.

There it is, that'll unlock it.

It's just..

The Dukes. The bad guys.

Oh..

- Give us a little help.
- There you go.

- Thank you, sheriff.
- Well, you just wait.

Oh, yeah.

The Coltrane is
apparently very smart.

I wouldn't have done that.

- Okay.
- Stay on the lookout.

Oh yeah, I'm watching you, see?
I'm sneaky too, see. Oh, yeah.

- Sneaking.
- You're sneaky.

But I'm watching all the time.

And then I holler,
"Freeze! I've got ya."

This is the best part. I
cuff you and stuff you.

- Not yet, sheriff. No.
- Eh? Not yet?

- Make a small adjustment.
- Oh, good grief.

'Oh, what's that?'

Okay, get ready, Bobby Joe.

- 'What's this button here? Oh.'
- 'Nothing.'

Sorry.

Now, sheriff, you come get us.

Alright.

Goody, I have a
Coltrane to play with.

Oh. Alright, easy, listen

I don't wanna play
this game no more.

Listen, call him off.

Very funny. Oh, that
ain't funny no more.

Hands off. Oh, he's serious.
Listen, call him off now.

Let's go, Marv, by the
time Hogg figures out

we'll be out of the country.

Wait, what about the robot?

Forget the robot, we've got
twice what he's worth to us.

Wait a minute,
don't go wait. Freeze.

Bo and Luke was nearing town

but they had no way of
knowing they were too late.

When Boss didn't get the
phone call that he was expecting

he decided to see what
was happening at his bank.

I sure don't know
why they didn't.

I just can't wait all
night, that's for sure.

Listen, we can be friends,
but this is ridiculous.

Oh, wait a minute. The
vault's open, my money.

My money's all gone!
My money's all gone!

- It ain't my fault.
- Rosco, you..

If you tell me where your
accomplices, the Dukes

took all my money before
Bobby Joe captured you

I might find it in
my heart to see to it

you don't get more than
years for robbing my bank.

I can't get it,
I didn't take it.

You know, this time tomorrow

we're gonna be sitting high
on the hog in South America.

Hey, Marv, slow down.

We don't want any
law stopping us.

- Boss?
- Rosco?

'Oh, no, look-look-look.'

'The thieves, returning
to the scene of the crime.'

Them guys who sold you the
robot stole it from Atlanta Robotics.

- They stole it.
- 'Right, we got a ransom note.'

If you don't believe us, ask
Rosco. He's been snookered too.

For once these Dukes
are telling the truth.

We can stand here and talk or
me and Bo can get after your money.

- Yeah.
- Oh, no.

Then go-go-go.

- Boss?
- Rosco, Rosco.

Why didn't you tell
this in the first place?

I tried to, Boss, your flapping
little mouth was flapping

so fast that your flapping
little ears couldn't hear.

Listen, get-get him off of me.

Alright, I'll try, I'll try.

I'll try.

- He's strong.
- I can't move him at all.

I'm sure he's not. Listen,
I need the control box.

They took the control box.

- Oh, no, no.
- Listen.

Alright, I'll use
voice activation.

- Oh, good.
- Bobby Joe.

I order you to let him go.

I'm set in limited
function to guard the bank

and play with the Coltrane.

- He's not listening.
- Alright, I'll get him.

I'll get him out if it's
the last thing I do.

- Oh, it's giving.
- It's giving.

'And to respond to fire.'

You can't do that.

Oh. You can. Alright,
now you've made me mad.

Bo they ain't heading
back to Atlanta, go that way.

Meanwhile, Jesse, Daisy
and Enos rode into town

and were trying to help
Boss free poor Rosco.

'Everybody pull on
the count of three.'

- Here we go.
- Right.

One, two, three.

'This is fun. Everyone wants
to play with the Coltrane.'

J.D., this just
ain't gonna get it.

- You can say that again.
- Have you got a screwdriver?

Screwdriver? Yeah,
must be one in the drawer.

Yeah, here's one.

You know, there's gotta be
some circuitry in that thing.

- Yeah.
- And if there is.

- Yeah?
- And we can get at it.

- Maybe we could short it out.
- Yeah, good idea.

Caution, repairs should be
made only by qualified technicians.

Hey, wouldn't some water
help to the job, Uncle Jesse?

- Get some water, that'll do it.
- That's the way.

Push in there.

- There is the circuit.
- It is.

There she is. Alright,
everybody get back.

- Get back.
- Yes, yes.

- Yeah.
- Alright, let her go, Daisy.

Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. Mayday.

Mayday.

Boy, he's headed for
that big junkyard in the sky.

- Yeah, he's gone.
- Alright, now you.

You go. Go on,
go after my money.

I'm not going unless I go
as sheriff of Hazzard County.

Yeah, well, if you
go get my money

you'll come back as
sheriff of Hazzard County.

- Oh.
- So go.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh. Enos, come on, you dipstick.

Go with me.

I just love it when
he calls me that.

Alright, you go. That's
right, the two of you. Go on.

Well, J.D., you got everybody
into a really fine mess.

I hope you learned your lesson.

I bet we'd close the gap
if we cross Hazzard River

there up at, uh, Iron Mountain.

I thought they was
blasting up there.

No-no, that ain't till the th.

Didn't that sign say
"blasting up ahead?"

Would you..

Come on, they always
put them signs up early.

They're not
blasting till the th.

Today's the th, trust me.

Bo, today's the th.

Bo's lucky day.

It's the Dukes. How
did they get here?

Never mind that,
we gotta lose 'em.

'I think I know how.'

The driver must have
gone in for help. Good.

You know, that computer
feller is plumb dangerous.

Hang on. Cut 'em off.

Cut 'em off.

'Slam on the brakes.
There they are.'

See there. Aha.

Alright, unhand those prisoners,
you Dukes. Alright, Enos.

- Cuff 'em and stuff 'em.
- Yes, sir.

Good thing we got
here when we did.

Otherwise, those guys'd
probably b*at you guys to a pulp.

Oh, thanks a lot,
Rosco, for all your help.

Yeah, It's alright. Enos,
get 'em on to the car.

Rosco, ain't you
forgetting something?

Oh, yes. It's Enos' fault.

- Rosco.
- What?

Oh, give me that money.

Oh, shame on
you. It's Enos' fault.

If brains was dynamite old
Rosco couldn't blow his nose.

First order of business
was turning over

Rance and Marv
to the state police.

Alright, Rosco, believe
you me you're a lucky man.

And finally, true to his word

Boss rehired
Rosco as the sheriff

making everything in
Hazzard County normal.

'After being in Hazzard,
normal is a relative term.'