07x17 - Opening Night at the Boar's Nest

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Dukes of Hazzard". Aired: January 26, 1979 – February 8, 1985.
Cousins Bo and Luke certainly have a way of finding trouble with the law everywhere they turn.
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07x17 - Opening Night at the Boar's Nest

Post by bunniefuu »


You know, singing together
as kids in the church choir

sure pays off, don't it?

It's a big week in
Hazzard, 'cause Lulu Hogg

is runnin' her big annual
charity talent show.

Bo, Luke and Daisy are
tunin' up their old song pipes

to enter as the "Duke
Family Singers."

And all over the county,
folks is gettin' ready.

Even old Rosco.

'And now, ladies and
gentlemen, let me present, uh..'

'...Coltrano the Greato.'

I love it. I love it.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
I appreciate that kind applause.

Now for my first trick.

For my first trick..


That ain't it.

Uh, but, for my first
trick is a card trick.

With my able assistant, Flasho.

Now, then, Flasho,
will you pick a card?

Any card and
don't let me see it.

'Ooh, that's it.'


Alright, put it back
in the deck, darlin'.

Hm, don't let me
see it. Oh, don't, don't.

Now, then, I will tell you..

Coltrano the Great will tell
you the card that you chose.


Three of clubs.


Q-Queen of spades?

Now, while all these doings
was goin' on over at the state pen,

Floyd Malone was bein'
released from prison today,

three years after Boss
Hogg had squealed on him

and put him there.

Thanks for the car, Bubba.

You got that
double-crossin' rat set up?

Just like I promised.

I cased him and that hick
town he lives in. That Hazzard?

I know every move
Jefferson Davis Hogg makes.


I've been livin' for the day I
meet up with the fat man again.

Let's get goin'.

What in hallelujah's
goin' on in here, Rosco?

Boss, listen here.

The name is not Rosco.
It's the Great Coltrano.

And this is Flasho.

And you interrupted
my prestidigitation here.

Yeah, well, your
name will be Muddo

if you don't explain
all this nonsense

and how you got this
room so full of junk.

And first, let's turn
off this infernal racket.

Was it a red card?

Rosco! I said explain
this whole nonsense.

But, Boss, this is not nonsense.

What I am doin', I am practicing
my magic for Lulu's talent show.

- Oh, for that.
- Yes, of course, listen.

This cost me an arm
and a leg, all this stuff.

I had to send away at a
special cata-catalogue place

and get this stuff.

- You did, huh?
- Expensive.

- Well, you know somethin'?
- What?

- You've been took.
- Uh, took?

Yeah, because you'll
never make no magician.

Oh, tiddly-tuddly.
You have little faith.

I will show you how
good Coltrano is.

- Yeah?
- See this gigantic box here?

I surely do.

I spent tremendous
amounts of money to get this.

This-this trick is so good

and so magic, that it can
make a human being disappear.

Even you.

- What?
- Yes.

Look at this.

- Oh!
- Isn't that pretty?

- Holy heaven.
- Alright.

Alright, Boss.

Now, I want you
to step into that box.

And I'm gonna
make you disappear.


Oh, no, no, no. Uh, uh, uh.

I ain't steppin' into no box.

Let's see here..

"Making a plump person
disappear. See Fat."

And listen, you
ain't gonna practice

no more magic on county time.

- What?
- No, siree, Bob.

And I want you to get out on
patrol and bring in some moolah.

And take off this
here stupid cape.

- No.
- Ah! Ah!

- 'How you doin' over there?'
- 'Got it? '

- 'Yeah.'
- 'Think we're doin' alright.'

I figured, when we
get to the chorus part..

- That's where, it's at C.
- Show me.

Alright, it's, uh, uh..


Great. I busted a dang string.

Oh, gosh. We were
just gettin' it too.

I ain't got no
more strings. You?

You put on my last set.

Go into town and get some.
I need a breather, anyway.

I think I'm gettin'
over ventilated.

How about we have some hot
apple pie and coffee, Uncle Jesse?

That sounds like a good idea.

Why don't I stay here with them

you go into town and get some..

- Bye.
- See you.

Alright. Alright.

You can drive into
town. How 'bout that?

Durin' all this, them two
mean-lookin' brothers

was speedin' closer
and closer to Hazzard

and Boss Hogg, their target.

As fate and Bo's busted
guitar string would have it

they was comin' to the same
intersection as Bo and Luke.

Hey, look out!

What the heck
was that all about?

Did you get your license
in a box of cereal or what?

- Tryin' to k*ll us all?
- Hold on...

Uh, friend, my cousin
here is talkin' to your pal.

You're supposed to completely
stop when you reach a main road.

We do have vehicular
laws around here.

- Well, we do.
- Yeah.

Why don't you two fellas
just get back in your car..

While you can
still walk that far?

And we'll forget
the whole thing.

Boy, it sure takes a
big man to talk that way

with his goon hangin' around.


- Yeah?
- He is a big man.


Now, why don't you boys
just get back in your car..

While we can
still walk that far?

And we'll forget
this whole thing.

Good idea.


Bo, you stuck your
foot in it that time.

- Well, fine. You started it.
- I did not.

"It takes a big man." Ha!

- He was a big man, wasn't he?
- They both are.

Wonder what they're doing here?

Well, I don't know.

Don't worry. Ain't got
nothin' to do with us.

Now, anybody who's
ever been around Hazzard

knows better than that.

All I wanna know is when
do I put the hit on Hogg?

Well, accordin' to my
schedule, he leaves his office

and crosses to the coffee
shop at a.m. sharp.

We got three minutes.

Boss was breakin'
for old faithful.

His stomach.

Which needs feedin'
about every two hours.

there's old Boss Hogg.'

Right on schedule.
Fatter than ever.

Yeah, right.

Here we go.

'Goodbye, Mr. Hogg.'

What's that? Over there.

'What are they doin' here?'

headin' right for Boss.'

Well, one thing's sure.
Old Boss ain't hard to spot.

Hey, Boss!

You alright, Boss?

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
No thanks to you Dukes.

You're welcome. Let's go, Bo.

Oh, uh, listen, how dare you..?

Makes you mad.
You can't do nothin'.

- Hey?
- Yeah.

What are we gonna
do if we catch 'em?

We'll burn that bridge when
we get there. Just get after 'em.

Alright. I'll cut cross-country.

- Bo.
- Yeah, hang on.


Oh, great.

I was wonderin' how many of
those the suspension would take.

Well, we sure ain't
gonna catch 'em now.

Hey, you think maybe
they just didn't see Boss

standin' there in the street?

A fat man in a white suit,
readin' the financial page?

Look, I got their
license number.

We'll let Enos and
Rosco do their jobs.

We got guitar strings
and shocks to worry about.

Try and miss a
couple of these bumps.

- We're headin' back.
- I said no, Floyd.

Now, they spotted this car.

We're gonna have to dump
it and swipe another one.

But we'll be back.

And if those two
farm boys butt in again

they're gonna get the same
thing Hogg's gonna get.

The boys had picked
up some guitar strings

and some new shocks.

The shocks was for the car.

And the Duke Family
Singers were back rehearsin'.

We got it. Listen, take it
from the top. Here we go.

- Alright.
- Ready? A one, two..

Oh, my.

- I'll get it.
- Great.

I gotta get that chorus down.

We'll never get
through the dang song.

I know.


Enos, yeah.

You're kiddin'.

Alright. Much obliged.

Hm, Enos ran a
make on those plates.

- He says the car was stolen.
- Well, that figures.

It means them two big fellas
are really up to no good, don't it?

Sure does.

I wonder what they
got against Boss?

Well, it could be most anything.

Everybody's got
somethin' against him.

We got a show to do and a
lot of rough spots to work out.

I got one adjustment to make.

- Good idea.
- Good idea.


- Here we go. You ready now?
- Yeah.

A one, two..

At the Boar's Nest,
Lulu was gettin' ready

for the charity show next day.

You know, we've got a lot of
other things to do today, honey.

Oh, my, isn't that
the prettiest thing.

Oh, I love those
colors, don't you?

While Boss was
up to his round belly

in closing a big
real estate deal

of unloadin'
acres of prime swamp.

Going to make it at p.m.?

Well, y-you couldn't
try a little earlier

a little later, then?

Because I..

Uh, only p.m.?

Well, alright, alright.
I'll see you then.

Oh, for goodness sakes alive.

Well, he can keep all them
alligators he can find too.


Oh, , . Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Let's see. I'll have
a profit then of..

- Da, da, da!
- Oh.

- Oh! Goodness sakes alive.
- Oh.

Would you just stop
sneakin' up on me like that?

And I'll tell you what.

Take off that stupid dunce cap.

Boss, it's not a dunce cap.

No? Then how come
the dunce is wearin' it?

Listen, I've come in here to
bestow a great honor upon you.

You gonna learn how to drive?

- No, no. Listen.
- Hm?

- Better than that. Listen.
- Oh, yeah? What?

I am going to make you
my assistant in my magic act.

- Your assistant?
- Yeah.

Uh, uh, uh. No, no,
no. Not on your life.

And would you stop with
all that magic business?

Only just now, I got them
pigeon feathers of yours

cleaned out of my underwear.

Well, that's not
gonna happen again.

- Listen, I've been practicin'.
- Oh.

Ah, listen, Boss.

I've got a finale that'll
knock your socks in the dirt.

- What?
- Listen to this.

What do you think of this?

I am going to make
every little fat corpuscle

in your flabby little
body disappear.

- Poof!
- Oh, no, you ain't.

- Uh-huh.
- Not me. Oh, no siree, Bob.

- I got it.
- What?

Why don't you use Lulu?
Yeah, you make her disappear.

That'd be a trick
we could all applaud.

- I heard that, Jefferson.
- Oh, oh-oh, cream puff.

Don't you "cream puff" me.

Now, I warned you that you
have got to be in this show.

Now, you assist my
baby brother, or else.

Yeah, but, sponge cake

I gotta consummate a
big deal tomorrow at p.m.

same time as the show and I
can't be in two places at once.

Well, that's right.

So you'll be here and
forget the business deal.

- Well..
- Or I will disappear..

Oh, you will?

From your kitchen.

- Permanently!
- Uh!

And I'll never cook you
another morsel of food.

Oh... never?

- Never.
- Oh.

Dagblast her!

Well, uh, listen,
Boss. Uh, listen.

- What?
- I got good news.

- You do?
- Yes.

See, I got this, uh, catalogue
from the magic department.

- Oh, you're back to that again?
- Yes.

And you get to
look at the costume

that my assistant gets to wear.

- Uh, no.
- Take a look.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, never, never, never.

No, no, no. Absolutely,
positively, definitely no!


Keep your tutu fluffed.

You look beautiful. Take a look.

Ah! Oh. Oh, no!

No, no, no. Absolutely,
positively, definitely no!

Listen, I'll be your, your
dagblasted assistant

but I sure am gonna
do it in my own clothes..

And hair.

Well, ju... what?

Now, old Boss had to
get out of the talent show

to close his real estate scam.

So at the Boar's
Nest that night..


'There it is.'

'It's stuffy here.'

Old Boss opened up the
trapdoor to the root cellar

which was the old escape
route from Boss' moonshine days.

Well, a long way
down. But good. Alright.

Yeah. Alright, now I'll just
move this magic box of Rosco's

back over that trapdoor.


You know, I figure that
tomorrow's talent show

was gonna have some
surprises for everybody.

Did y'all forget these two?

Well, now, they ain't forgot
about gettin' even with Boss.

They was just off
swipin' another vehicle.

What's your idea now?
This place is mobbed.

Hey, don't worry about it. I
got everything under control.

We'll just find
some place to hide

until we can get a sh*t
at old Boss Hogg, hm?

That haystack looks
like a pretty good place.

What do you think?

We gone.


I want to thank all you
wonderful people for comin'.

And of course, all the
talented folks of Hazzard

who are donatin' their services
to this very worthy cause.

Now, I won't keep
you waitin' any longer.

Here to open the show
are your friends and mine

the Duke Family Singers.

'One, two, three, four.'

Uh! Mr. Tewilliger.
That's you? What's wrong?

Uh, oh, nothin',
you're just in my office..

Well, didn't you get
there a little bit early?

I mean, it-it..

Oh, it, yeah, you are
early. Well, alright.

I'll be there. Just
make yourself comfy.

Oh, listen, you did bring the
, with you, didn't you?

Oh, good.

You brought Mrs. Tewilliger too.

Well, make yourselves
at home. I'll be right there.

Rosco, hurry up.
We're on next. Come on.


You cannot rush perfection.

Show business is my life.

Oh, please. Hurry, hurry.

- Alright.
- We did it.

Weren't they marvelous?


'And now for
our next magnificent act'

I am proud to introduce
one of my favorite people

my baby brother, otherwise
known as Coltrano the Great.


you all, one and all.'

Thank you kindly.
Thank you, sis.

My name is Coltrano the Great.

And I would like now to
introduce my able assistant

J.D. Hoggo the Round.


Step out here, Hoggo.

Come on. Let's get it over with.

Don't rush.

- Oh, what do I see here?
- Huh?

Is this what... what is this?

- Oh, stop that.
- What is this?

Don't tickle me.

- Is that your red underwear?
- Uh-oh.

- No, that's yellow. No, blue.
- Uh-oh. Oh.

Uh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Those are his too.

Rosco sure got to the
bottom of things in a hurry.

Now for my next "predigitation."

I would like to make
this live human being

this portly gentleman..

Disappear before your eyes.

Wait, didn't you
forget somethin'?

- What?
- You know.

You know. You know, da-da-da-da.

- What do you mean...?
- Oh, for goodness sake, these!

It's itchin' me under
the armpit for an hour.

Listen, I'm the..

Now, I will make him disappear.

If you will open the
curtain, please. Alright.

If you'll notice, the magic box.

This is great.

Okay, portly gentleman,
if you'll be so kind

as to enter the magic box.

- That I will.
- Here.

Step right in
there. You'll notice..

- Very good.
- Bye-bye.


Alright Hoggo the
Round has done his part.

Time for me to go.

Of course, what nobody knows
is Boss really is gonna disappear.

Down the trapdoor
to the root cellar

and off to his meetin' in town.

Leavin' old Rosco
with grits on his face.

Concentration for me to do this.

Okay, I-I'm beginning
to get the vibrations now.

Uh, listen, if this works, we
ought to try to borrow that box

when the mortgage comes due.

Thank goodness. I
ain't got much time.



Hello, Floyd.

Hello, Hogg.



Sure is nice when old
friends meet, ain't it?

abracazoo, abracazeer!

Make my little chubby
buddy disappear.

Ha ha ha. Nice trick.

He did it.

He's better than
I thought he was.

He did disappear, didn't he?

Now, let's see.

Mr. Tewilliger is
waitin' on Boss.

Rosco and the audience
is waitin' on Boss.

And Floyd and Bubba, they're
kind of waitin' on Boss too.

I tell you, Boss
Hogg has a talent

for bein' the center
of attention. Don't he?

Now, for the piece
de resistance.

This is the best part.

This is when I will make
my little buddy reappear.

Alakazam, alakazoo, alakazeer.

Make my little chubby
buddy reappear.

And there he is..


Yes, uh..

I think... see, I
reversed the words.

You can't do that, you see.

But I just did that for a joke.

Alright, alakazam,
alakazeer, alakaz..

Uh, make my buddy reappear.

He just..

Boss, quit horsin' around now.

Look, listen, uh, it's
not funny anymore.

You know, Rosco
sure is milkin' this gag.

Psst. Rosco, get on
with your act, honey.

I'm tryin' to.

The little rascal won't
come out of there.

It's just part of the act.

Looks to me like
Rosco's a little shook up.

Somethin' ain't right, Bo.

He ain't..


Psst. Close the curtain.

Gene! Wake up
and close the curtain.


Well, let's hear it for
the Great Coltrano.

Oh, my goodness.

The Great Coltrano
wasn't so great, was he?

And now it is my pleasure
to bring you Eugene Jackson

playin' "Camptown Races."

Alright, Eugene.'

Bo, I think we
ought to check it out.

Daisy, hold this for a second.


Listen, you're
makin' me mad now.

You little sucker. Get out here!

Enough. Listen,
Boss... Hey, Rosco?

What happened?
Boss give you the slip?

Oh, are you kiddin'?
He didn't give me the slip.

Didn't you see it?

I said my alakazams,
alakazoos, and alakazeers

and he disappeared.
Poof! Like that.

It worked great too.
How's this box work?

- Get your hand off that.
- Ah, Rosco.

That's a magician's trick there.


Alright. You know, I did
something wrong, though.

Must be in that
book of instructions.

I'll just check that sucker out.

Why's Boss givin'
him such a hard time.

I don't know.

How does this thing works,
anyway? Boss, you in there?

- Hey, Bo.
- Huh?

Here, help me slide this over.


- There you go.
- Look at that.

Where do you suppose it goes?

- One way to find out.
- After you.

'Thank you, Eugene.'

And now it is my pleasure
to bring you our very own

Enos Strate, doin'
his favorite number.

Hey, Boss!

Boss, where are you?
Rosco's in a state.


Well, his car's still here.

He sure ain't no where
to be seen, though.

Hey... take a look at this.

What do you got?

It's a white button, like the
one Boss has got on his jacket.

It looks like somebody
was dragged off here.

And there go the car tracks.

Luke, you think he's just kind
of messin' around with Rosco?

I don't think so, Bo.

Remember them two
big-uns we ran into yesterday?

Yeah. What makes
you think of them?

Who do you know here that
would leave a footprint like that?

I think they really
got it in for him.

We better go talk to Rosco.

Let's look for a nice, quiet..

High place.


The boys told Rosco
what they had found

and what they was thinkin'.

But the Great
Coltrano wasn't listenin'.

Ah-ha! See, I figured
it out. The little rascal.

He's in there and
he won't come out.

I'll go in and get him.

He's finally slipped
off the deep end, Bo.

Hush up! There's a
show goin' on in here.

What in the world is the matter?

Uh, Miss Lulu, we got a problem.

It-It looks like Boss
really did disappear.

We can't find him anywheres.

Oh, he didn't disappear.

He probably just drove
into town to his office.

He said he had a
business appointment.

Yeah, I bet that must
be exactly what he...

- Bo, his car is outside.
- Oh, yeah.

Lulu, I don't know
how to tell you

but... it looks like
he's been kidnapped.

Bad news, bad news.

- Rosco!
- That little su, what?

Shut up.

Now, what makes you
think he's in trouble?

Well, we followed this
trapdoor outside, see.

And there were tracks
that look like a scuffle and..

We found this button,
which came off of his jacket.

'And we seen
so-some car tracks leadin' off.'


I-I've gotta stop the show.

Enos. Enos, honey, I'm
sorry, we have to stop.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I am terribly
sorry, but the show is over.

Something terrible has happened.

Please forgive me.

'What happened?'

What is goin' on?

Sheriff, that was a
real good trick you did.

Will you hush, you
dipstick. I'm in trouble here.

Yeah. Oh, you know
what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna call that
mail-order company

that sold me this magic
book and I'm gonna give 'em

a piece of my mind, and..

You know, they got a
money-back guarantee.

Maybe they got a
buddy-back guarantee.

Give 'em a small piece.

He thinks he really did it.

Guess he does. We ain't
got time to convince him.

Enos, you're our next best bet.

Bo and Luke described
them two fellers

to Enos and Cooter and
put them on the lookout.

They headed out to trace the
tracks outside the Boar's Nest.

This looks like as
good a place as any.


Hold it there, brother.

Let's hear what the fat
man has to say, huh?

Oh! Oh, don't sh**t.
Don't sh**t, don't sh**t.

Listen, Floyd, uh.

I never meant to testify
against you, honest injun.

- They made me do it.
- That's a laugh, Hogg.

You were trying to save your
hide and now you'll pay for it.

No, no. Listen, don't
do it. I'm a rich man.

I'll give you money. That's
right. Anything you want.

'You name it, I'll give it to
you. Anything, anything.'

This rat just can't
stop squealing.

You ain't gonna get
away with it, Hogg.

You double-crossin',
lowdown, no good.

Hold it, brother. Hold it.

The man's got a
point, little brother.

Why not make him really pay

for those years you
spent in the slammer?

In cold cash.

Yeah, you're right. You're
right. Cash. That's it.

He's right. Look, I got
$ in my wallet right now.

We was thinkin' in
terms of a million dollars.


Suddenly I'm gettin' interested.

Forget it.


'I ain't got a million dollars.'

'Listen, I've had a bad year.'

Maybe I can
squeeze out, uh, .

Or maybe, maybe, maybe
scrape up or-or something...

All we have to
do is call his wife

and demand $ million ransom

if she ever wants to
see her little fat husband.

My-my wife, my wife.
But-But she ain't..

She won't be able to do it.
She ain't got a million dollars.

We can't do it. We
haven't got a million...

Bo and Luke wasn't havin'
much luck trackin' them tire treads

that they found out back.

This is Deputy Enos
Strate callin' the Duke boys.

- 'Come in, Bo and Luke.'
- Hey, whoa, whoa.

'Come in, Bo and Luke.'

'This is Enos Strate
callin' the Duke boys.'

- 'Come in, Bo and Luke.'
- Yeah, we read you, Enos.

I ran a make on them two
fellas like you asked me to.

And their description
fits the Malone brothers.

'Uh, Mr. Hogg testified
against the younger one, Floyd'

in a hijacking trial
three years ago.

And-and he just
got out of prison.

Oh, yeah. He's got a
brother named Bubba.

And he's got a record too.

They're a couple of
bad customers, y'all.

Pay dirt. That's our lead.

Listen, Enos, why don't you
get together a search party

and start, checkin'
out all the roads?

Me and Bo'll drop by Boss'
house and make sure Lulu's okay

then we'll come find you.

Ten-four, Luke, I'm gone now.

- Thanks a lot.
- Alright.

- Oh, here come Bo and Luke.
- Oh, is J.D. with 'em?

- Uh..
- Daisy, is he?


Oh, boys, did you find
J.D.? Did you find him?

Uh, well, no, Miss
Lulu, we didn't.

But we got a pretty
good idea where to look.

Oh, see, that's him. It was
just a prank. That's my pumpkin.

Hello, Jefferson.

This isn't Jefferson.


If you wanna see him
again, listen carefully.

- 'You still there, Mrs. Hogg?'
- Yes.

We have your husband
and if you want him back

you'll have to come up
with $ million. In cash.

Well, I want him back.
I'll do anything you ask.

that's a smart lady.'

'First you go to the bank
and get that million dollars'

in unmarked bills.

Then you bring it to the
old River Road crossroads.

You drop it out of the
car and keep moving.

'No tricks..'

'...and no tail.'

Otherwise your
husband's a goner.

Oh. Uh-uh, I'm too
nervous to drive.

Well, have someone drive you.

'But listen..'

if I see one cop, one tail..

You're a widow.

'You got one hour.'

One hour ain't much

but in Hazzard, it ain't
only not over till it's over.

It ain't over till the
Dukes has had their sh*t.

'An hour don't
give us much time for sure.'

No and Rosco ain't much
help. Guess it's up to us.

I don't want anything
to happen to Jefferson.

'Now, I want to
pay that ransom.'

- I will get it from the bank.
- Just calm down, Lulu.

Uncle Jesse and
Daisy'll go with you.

Alright, I'll go get my things.


'Oh, I'll get you.
I'll get you, pumpkin.'

I'll save you.

I don't want
anything to happen to J.D.

There's gotta be some way we
can go along on that money drop.

But how'll you do it
without them seein' ya?

Well, that's what
we gotta figure out.

'Daisy, Jesse, come on.'

Boys, we don't have any
time to lose. Please hurry.

Oh, that's right, Lulu, come on.

Listen, you boys
get a hold of Rosco

tell him what's goin' on.

After all, he's
still the sheriff.

Yes, sir.

Maybe after we tell him that
Boss has been kidnapped

he won't think he
made him disappear.

I hope he's some good to us.

I got a feeling they ain't
gonna get Boss back.



'Tiddly-wobbly Megally-moe.'

Now, old great
spirits, hear my plea..

And bring my little
fat buddy back to me.


Rosco. E-excuse us.
We just gotta talk to you.

What are you Dukes doin' here?

You're interruptin'
the Great Coltrano.

Well, we-we're sorry
about that, Coltrano

but it-it's real important.
It's about Boss.

'Will you hush?'

Listen, you're
interferin' with me.

You're gonna break the
spell, now, I got, I got-got him..

Lost somewhere.

Rosco, what are
you doing to yourself?

- You look terrible.
- Never mind.

Never mind how I look.

The Great Coltrano, I
bought a new incantation

and they promised
me that I'd get him back.

And that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Now, g-get out of here.

Alright. Okay.



If you can't see it

you don't necessarily
know that it's there, right?

Yeah, what-what's
that all about?

Here, I'll explain to you later.

We're gonna need
some of this stuff here.

Let's get out of here.



Now, durin' all this

Floyd and Bubba had found
an old shack to stash Boss in.

While they was pickin'
up the ransom money.

Well, I better head on
back out to the pickup spot.

And, Floyd..

Don't do anything to him, huh?

Until I get back with the money.

For a million bucks, I can wait.


Shut up, Hogg. I heard enough
out of you three years ago.

Meanwhile, Lulu had come
back with the million dollar ransom

Bo had done some
special work on Boss' car

and Luke had told everyone
how his plan was gonna work.

But do you think it'll work?

Lulu, I can't think
of nothin' better.

I got the car rigged. It's the
only way we'll get him back.

If it don't work I know they'll
just k*ll my little pumpkin.

Miss Lulu, we got
no way of knowin'

that they're not
gonna do that, anyway.

You willin' to take that chance?

Let's go. We don't
have much time to waste.


Now, ev-everybody's set
on what we're doin' here.

Daisy, you're gonna
be our backup.

I'll give you a
two-minute head start.

Alright. Now, make
sure nobody sees you.

- Okay, let's go. Come on.
- Alright.

Now, this is as close as we
can get without bein' seen.

- Let's get positioned.
- Alright.

Now, you boys be
careful, you hear?

Yes, ma'am.

- Oh, I'm so nervous.
- Okay, we're all set.

Hang on.

We're approachin'
the crossroads, boys.

Stay down.

Yeah, alright, come on.

Well, so far, so good.

Now to leave a trail
for Daisy to follow.

I was wonderin' what
them things were for.

Rosco ain't been no
help, but his tricks sure are.

'I wonder
which way they went?'


We did it, little
brother. We did it.

One million smackeroonies.

- You count it?
- No, I didn't count it.

I just did a quick
look, you know.

'Let's take it slowly.

'I've never seen a
million bucks before.'


- Bo, this ain't workin'.
- Well, what am I gonna do?

gonna tear you apart.

Wait a minute, now.
Just hold on a second.

Come on, they
might have friends.

Wait, wait. I ain't
done what I came for.

Come on.

Uncle Jesse, I hear sh**t'.

The boy's gotta be in
trouble, so I'm gonna go on in.

- Boss?
- He's got a pulse.

Boy, they blew him
right off the porch.

- Boss?
- Boss, come on.

You gotta be alright.

- There's a hole in his jacket.
- Where'd it got him.

- Boss.
- Wait a minute.

- Are you alright?
- You're alright.

Come on, sit up here.

Boss, you got sh*t
in your credit cards.

You are one lucky man.

Lucky Boss didn't
leave home without 'em.

They ruined my credit cards.

Oh, wait a minute. To
heck with them cards.

Them cutthroats
got my million dollars.

Oh, look, look, look, look.
It's that orange clunker car.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on. Let's go.

Come on, come on.

Come on. Go. Go right now.

I swear, Boss,
you got nine lives.

- Let's get to the car. Come on.
- Come on.

- Come on.
- Alright, alright.

Get in here. Get
me in this thing.

Boss, careful.

The plan's
working great, Daisy.

- There you go.
- Hit it, Bo.

Oh, listen, they got a
million bucks of mine.

So catch 'em. Go on
after 'em. Catch 'em.

Alright. We're drivin'
as fast as we can, okay?

- Alright.
- Just hang on.

Bo, you're gonna
have to take a shortcut.

- I know it. Don't we always?
- Yeah.

We gotta get out of here.

Don't worry. We got the
money, we're gettin' away.

- Bo?
- Huh?


- 'Hang on.'
- 'Bo.'

Whoa, holy. Look out!

Alright, come on out of there.

Come on.

You too. Get out.

Here you go, Bo.

Let me see, oh,
there's my money.

Where'd you get those handcuffs?

- Out of Rosco's bag of tricks.
- Ha ha.

Daisy, would you hold
this thing for a second?

Thank God for the
Great Coltrano, huh?

- The Great Coltrano, my foot.
- Yeah.

Wait'll I get my hands on him.

Everything that happened
today was his fault.

Oh, look, look, look.

'Here they come, in my car.'

'With Jesse and Lulu.'

- Oh, my.
- Boss.

Oh, here, here I am.

You can't blame it
on him, everything.

- Oh, J.D., you alright?
- Lulu, honey, got my money.

And so, thanks to the Dukes.

Boss' life and a million
dollars was saved.

And them two bad brothers
was sent back to jail.

- No, don't touch that.
- Don't worry about it.

Boss and Lulu were reunited.

Yeah, I hope so.

But Rosco was still blamin'
himself for losin' Boss.

'J.D. Hogg..'

'Let me out of here.
I'm gonna get that Rosco.'

Boss, you can't do it.

'He's been beside
himself the whole time.'

'Take it easy, J.D.'

'Think I've
lost you, buddy.'

Think you're right. I
can't do anything right.

It just, uh..

And you're the only one
that ever understood me.

I c-can't afford to lose ya.

I'm the only one.

I'm the only one.

Come on. Come on, Miss Lulu.


Oh, good grief.

Rosco, we got bad news. We
couldn't find him anywheres.

Yeah, you must have
really made him disappear.

Well, of course I did.

I'm the Great..


Uh, Rosco, why don't
you give it one more try?

Oh, what's the use? He-he's, I..

Go on, give it
a try. It'll work.

Muggly-wuggly, muggly-zeer.
Little fat buddy, reappear.


It just won't work.

Bravo! Bravo!

Alright, knock it off.
You think it's funny?

Just 'cause I can't
make him app..

Uh, so you..

Oh! Oh, little buddy.

- I'm so happy.
- D-don't do that.

But it's just, I'm so happy.

- Well, just once.
- Once.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Alright. That's enough.

- You did it, Rosco.
- Yeah.

So you see, that's the
way it goes in Hazzard.

Where the Dukes will
even help out the enemy

when the chips are down.

And that's plum typical
of the Dukes of Hazzard.

Too bad it ain't the same
everywhere else, huh?
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