06x09 - The Conversation

[bunniefuu]

♪ Tell me why

♪ I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who

♪ Can stop my heart
as much as you

♪ Let's take
each other's hand

♪ As we jump into

♪ The final frontier ♪

So this is it?

This is it.

Really?

Honey, Mabel has to learn
to go to sleep on her own

without us there
rocking her,
holding her and stuff.

But, already? Does she
have to do it already?

Well, we can wait
until she's a teenager,

but, it's gonna be much
tougher on our backs.

Okay. All right.

All right,
so what happens now?

So now we wait and see
if she falls asleep,

and if she does,
then that's great,
end of story.

[MABEL CRYING]

And if she doesn't?

And if she doesn't, then
we wait till the end
of the first interval.

Okay. How long is
the first interval?

Five Minutes.

Okay. And then what?

And then
one of us can go in and
comfort her verbally.

Okay.

But, we can...
we can pick her up,
though, right?

Verbally.

No, we...
yeah, no.
We comfort her verbally,

But, we can pat her
a little bit...

Honey.
Oh, okay, just verbally.

What, just one of us?
One of us.

What if the other one
is like hanging way back...

Okay...
Okay, just one of us.
One is good.

Which one?

Whichever we want.

That's not really
an answer.

You know what? You.
There you go.

You may go in.

Okay. Okay, good.

And I'll go in after
the second interval.

Wait a second.
Wait a second.

If she's still crying
after we go in, we gotta
do a second interval?

Yep.

How long is that?
Ten minutes.

Ah. Is there
a third interval?

Fifteen minutes.

How many intervals
do they give you?

As many as we need,

until she falls asleep
or until morning comes,

in which case,
we get her dressed
and start the day.

Yeah. Who's gonna
get us dressed?

Honey, I think
this is good for her.
I really do.

Can't see how.

In the long run.

I don't see
the long run.

She needs to learn
how to comfort herself.

Yeah, I know.
Of course she does.

Why? Why does she?

Otherwise, what's she
gonna do when she's three,

and some brat
steals her tricycle,

or she's
and some guy

says he likes her,
but, as a friend?

I don't know.

Or, when she's
a -year-old executive,

and she has
some great idea

and somebody else
steals all the credit,
what's she gonna do then?

Cry.

Yes, but, when
she's done crying?

Jump on daddy's tummy.

Okay, you just,
like, don't want to
grasp this, do you?

No, I do. I do.

Did Fran and Mark
do this?

No, they ran in there
every seconds.

Now Ryan's, like, .

he's eating
the furniture.

I just...

I mean, to me, I think
we should be sending her
the exact opposite message,

which is that
if something goes wrong,

she can come to us.

I mean, to me, that...
that's the purpose
that parents serve.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, that and,
you know, later,

we'll embarrass her
in front of her friends.

I explained to you
exactly what was
going to happen.

I told you
the whole theory.
You said okay.

No, I didn't say okay.
I said...

[HESITANTLY]
Okay.

I see.

I mean, if it were up to me,
I would go in right now
and just pick her up.

Well, it's
up to you.

What do you mean?

It is. I'm not gonna
do this if you don't
feel right about it.

Please don't make it
up to me.

It's one night of bad

for, you know, I think,
a lifetime of good.

And you really
believe that in your guts?

With all my guts.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay.

How much time
in the first interval?

Uh, seconds.

Hey, that wasn't so bad.

See?
Okay.

Clearly it goes
a lot faster if you talk.
Yeah.

Which... besides which,
you know, you and I,
we haven't talked for ages.

That's true.
Just the two of us.

Yeah, so this'll be
good for everybody.
Yeah.

We'll have a nice little talk.
Yeah.

How much time?
Time's up.

Nice talking to you.
You, too.

How long
do I have?

One minute.
Okay.

And you have
to leave before
she falls asleep.

Okay, now you're
just making it up,
aren't you?

No, no, no. Go in.

I have--
otherwise we have
to start all over.

Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go.

Hi, hi, hi. Okay.

[MABEL CRYING]

Hi, hi. [SHUSHING]

Hi, sweet girl.
We love you.

We love you very much.

Listen, the only
reason we're outside

is that a sadistic man
from Columbia University
said we have to be.

Yes, he's nuts.
He's nuts.

But, we're right here.
We are right here...

[CRYING STOPS]

Just over there.

We're here
over there, okay?

[SHUSHING]

There. Okay.
Okay. That's it, see?
Nothing to it. Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Okay, don't fall asleep until
I get out of the room,

because I'll be in
big trouble
with mommy.

That was great.

Yeah? 'Cause I had
nothing prepared.

It was...

It was very,
very sweet.

Did it work,
though?

I bet it did.

[MABEL CRYING]

Although, you never know.

-Oh, man.
-It's all right.

All right,
set the clock.

-Honey, I'm...
-All right.

-What is it,
minutes now?
-Yep.

What do we do
for minutes,

watch TV or, something?

Hey! There's that
Knicks-Celtic game on.

Where's the remote,
by the way?

I have not been able
to find the remote
since we cleaned.

PAUL: That remote just
disappeared off
the face of the... what?

Gonna watch
a basketball game?

PAUL: On mute, I'm saying.

Okay.

What?

No, no, no.
It's fine.

If my child is gonna
go through this,

I'm going through it
right along with her.

PAUL: Seriously?

I'm not leaving
this doorway.

To me, it's the least
I can do if my daughter

is going to go through
the most difficult night

of her young,
until-now-innocent life,

but, you go ahead.

Why don't I
sit down?

-If you think
you should.
-Yeah.

-How much time now?
- Minutes, seconds.

Great.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

I won pounds
of rigatoni today.

I beg your pardon?

At D'agostino's.

They were doing this sort
of promotional thing.

They gave their
th customer
of the day, me,

pounds of rigatoni.

It's coming next week.

pounds of rigatoni's
coming next week?

Yeah.

-Here?
-Yeah.

Did you tell them you
live in an apartment?

Uh-huh.

That's--how much
rigatoni is that?

I don't know.
It seemed ungracious to ask.

What are we gonna
do with pounds
of rigatoni?

We'll have a dinner.

For who,
the tenors?

How much time now?

Mm, six minutes.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

I'm shrinking,
you know.

I don't know what
you're saying to me.

You remember
last Wednesday
I had that physical?

-Yes.
-Okay.

I'm half an inch shorter
than I was last year.

I was ' ".
I'm now ' / ".

I'm... I'm shrinking.

Really? Heh.

-Why would you
laugh at that?
-I'm sorry.

I'm shrinking!
Half an inch
in one year.

I understand.

In years,
I'll be like this tall.

Sweetie.

You know, I'll be able
to sleep in your pocket.

I'm sure there
was just some mistake.

No, no mistake.
He measured me times.

He couldn't
believe it himself.

He called everybody in.

He said, "Hey,
everybody look
at the shrinking guy."

Is there something
wrong with you?

No. That's
what I thought. No.

Perfect health.
I'm in perfect health.

Cholesterol...
I have the cholesterol
of a fasting monk.

Blood pressure was--
was, uh, something good
over something good.

I'm telling you,
I'm perfect.

I'm just...
I'm shrinking is all.

So, okay.

How much time now?

Three and a half minutes.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

Okay, you know what?
We gotta go in there.

-No, honey.
-This is stupid.

This is really...
this is so bad.

Paul, no, don't.
No, no, no, sweetie,
you're doing so well.

Do you think
I would be putting us
all through this

if I didn't think it were
incredibly important?

What kind of monster
would I be?

Thank you.

Hmm.

That's... no.

That's just...
that's the worst...

Worst sound I've
ever heard in my life.

I know. Please don't
make me feel much worse
than I already do.

I'm sorry.

Mmmph.

Wonder if my parents
ever did this to me.

Don't say it
that way...

"Did this" to you.

I'm sorry.

By the way, your parents,
I don't think they
ever did this to you.

What does that mean?

Come on. Your parents
probably went in your room if
someone else's kid was crying.

I see. I see.

So your parents, they
were like the really...

The big disciplinarians,
your parents.

Yeah. They knew
how to be tough.

Hey, so did mine.

What did they do,
send you to bed
without your mallomars?

Now, you know what?
That's uncalled for.

Just would rather
we not spoil our child.

Oh, I see. So I'm...

I'm the one who's
going to spoil her.

They say we repeat
our parents' mistakes.
Yeah.

So you were ready
to run in there
one minute ago.

Yes, but, I didn't,
did I?

-I stayed. Do you
see me sitting here?
-Yes.

-Would you call this spoiling?
Am I spoiling her now?
-No.

Good. You know what?
I'm going in.

No, Paul. Don't.

You'll undo all the good
that we've already done.

Where is the good?
Show me the good.

She's crying,
I'm going out of my mind,

And we're gonna
k*ll each other,
so where is there good?

[ALARM GOES OFF]

Piece of cake.
Okay. All right.

One minute.

Hey. Hey,
sweetie, it's me.

Hi. Here I am.

Don't cry, baby, please.

Yeah, I'm right here.

I know.
I know this is hard,
but, we love you.

All you have to do
is get to tomorrow,
just tomorrow,

and tomorrow
we're gonna hold you
and kiss you enough

to make up for
a thousand nights
like this one.

Yeah. There.

[CRYING STOPS]

Hi, sweetie.

Yeah. That's right.

So just drift off.

That's it.
Drift off slowly,

Not quite falling asleep

until mommy's
out of the room.

Okay, sleep tight.

That was beautiful.

I think that
did the trick.

I think you nailed it.

You think so?
God, it would be
so gratifying.

You hungry?
[SHUSHING]

You see?
You see?

I see. I see.

What time is it?

[MABEL CRYING]

It's time
to set the clock.

Dear god.

Was it minutes now?

Uh-huh.

All right. Come here.

It's like she's
screaming bloody m*rder.

[SHUSHING]
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

[SHUSHING]

[SHUSHING]

♪ K-K-K-Katie,
beautiful Katie

♪ You're the
only g-g-g-girl
that I adore

♪ When the
m-moon shines over
the mountain

♪ I'll be waiting
at the k-k-kitchen
door ♪

That's sweet.
What is that?

My grandfather
used to sing that.

I always thought
he had a stutter.

Then one day,
I was listening
to the radio,

Heard Rudy Vallee
sing it the exact
s-s-s-same way.

I'm sorry I said
you would spoil her.

Accepted.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

Look at that.

What?

We have
a cabinet here?

Uh-huh.

Did I know that?

I just always
believed you did.

I never even
heard of this.

What do we... yeesh!
Look at this.

Licorice from, like,
the civil w*r.

Hey, here's
the remote.

Oh... good for you.

Why would you
hide it in there?
For what reason?

Architectural DigestI never saw.

Sylvester Stallone has
a house, apparently.

Hey, look at this, honey.

A picture of your other
boyfriend, Tom Brokaw.

I'll take that.

[MABEL CRYING]

-Listen to her.
-I know.

-She's just wailing.
-I know.

And panting...
And scratching?

-Oh, god.
-What are you doing?

-Where's Murray?
-What?

Where's Murray? He's
not in the living room.

He wasn't in
the kitchen
before...

You gotta be
kidding me.

Oh, no.
That can't be...
No, no, no. It can't be.

-It is!
-Oh, Murray.

-Murray.
-Murray.

Oh, how could you
do this tonight
of all nights?

He may not really
understand what
we're doing tonight.

You have to get him
out of there.

Murray, Murray...

No, no. He's making
that sound he makes
right before he barks.

You can't
just walk in there.

She might hear you.
You have to crawl.

I'm not gonna crawl.

I'm just gonna grab
the dog...

Mabel can't hear
you or, see you
even for a second.

-I don't wanna...
-Get in there.

I actually said to myself,
"One child.
How hard could that be?"

Okay, come here, Murray.
Come here. We gotta talk.

Come here.

Shh. Don't say
a word to anybody.

Go, that way.
Let's go.

-Great job.
-Yeah.

Dig me,
I'm a mop now.

How much time?

Nine Minutes.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

Okay...You know
what, though?

You know what
I'm gonna do?

If you don't mind,
just very quickly,

I'm gonna grab
a basketball score
real quick.

-Okay?
-Okay.

-But, from here.
-Okay.

You gotta teach me
how to do that.
That's unbelievable.

Stallone...
He puts columns
in his bathroom.

For what?
Why would he do that?

Okay... Okay...

Here we go,
here we go.
Look at this.

"Nyack, New York.
Charming -bedroom,

" / of an acre,
river views..."

Wow. Someday, huh?

Yeah.

-Let's go look at it
this weekend.
-What?

We'll drive up Saturday,
take a look at this house.

-Why?
-Because...
We should...

You know what happened
to me yesterday?

What?

I'm walking from our room
to the baby's room...

Honey, our room
isthe baby's room.

Yes.

How much time?

Seven and a half minutes.

You really
wanna move?

I just really want it to be
seven and a half minutes
from now. That's what I want.

Where would you go?

Just...To the suburbs.

But, where?

Connecticut.

Nuh-uh. Too close
to my parents.

What, the entire state
of Connecticut?

All right, Westchester.

Honey, we can't
afford Westchester.

No, we could.
Like, a small,
charming house.

"Charming"
means broken.

"Rustic" means broken.

"Charming" is small.

You really wanna be
a suburban person?

All my life,
I wanted to.

But, they're so
dull and sedate.

No, no.
That's not true.

Plus there's
no culture.

You gotta drive
miles and miles
for any culture.

You can drive
right into the city.

You think you do,
but, you never do.

-We would be different.
-No, we wouldn't.

Our brains would
addle to walnuts,

our pulses
would deaden,

our lungs would get...
and our daughter
would grow up sheltered

and knowing
absolutely nothing
about the world.

Believe me, our daughter
will know about the world.

Do you want her
to only know people

with the same values
who are the same color?

No, of course not.

Do you want her
to get her education
at the Paramus mall?

They got a bookstore.

A million books can't
teach her as much as
one day in the city.

Sweetie, can I
tell you something?

I grew up in the city.

Here's what you do
from the time you're eight.

You run. You just run.

The minute you're in it,
you run and you run,

all the time because
anywhere you look,

there's somebody
who wants to hurt you.

There's a
manic-depressive cab driver,

there's a dog
with a grudge.

There's a guy who just
wants to push people
onto the subway tracks

so he can be
on the news.

Well, I think
it's worth it.

No, not to me.

Here's what you want.
A nice, old house
somewhere...

Just for you and me

and our soon to be
very well-adjusted
little daughter.

Uh-huh.

You know, it'd be nice
to have a house,

cook her rigatoni
every day for
the rest of her life.

A nice house where
she can call over
to me and say,

"Dad, would you like
to go out and play?"

Man, this
is really...

This is worrisome.

It's half an inch.
It's not the worst thing.

-No... us.
-What?

It's like we're completely
incompatible as parents.

-Sweetie...
-Check the clock.

-Six Minutes.
-[GROANS]

Hey, we're very close.
Don't go soft on me now.

We disagree
on everything.

No, not everything.

Yes. How to
discipline her,

Where to live,
how to deal with our
feelings about it.

So what's left?

I betcha we both
hate that rug.

What? Okay.
So, you know what?
Maybe we are.

We're totally
incompatible as parents.

Heh. Well, I'm glad
we had this talk.

[MABEL CRYING CONTINUOUSLY]

I don't feel
so good.

Really?

I feel like
I might be sick.

Oh, boy.

Why'd you let me
eat that?

Can I just say
something?

I think it may not
be the licorice.

Well, then what?

I don't think you're
actually such a big fan

of listening to
your daughter cry
all night.

Come on, come on.

What is your gut
telling you to do
right now?

It's telling me
it's up to me

to teach her
some self-reliance.

What is your gut
telling you?

It's telling me
it's up to me to help
her be independent.

Your gut.
What about your gut?

What is your gut
telling you to do
right now?

It's telling me to
go in there and pick
her up and hold her...

Right now, before
we hurt her any more
than we already have.

Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait!

What?

Listen to that.

[SILENCE]

Oh, my god.

She's sleeping.
She fell asleep.

It's over.

We did it. Huh?

Yeah.

Okay. That was not bad.
That was great.

Yeah.
That was
really great.

And you were right...
it worked.

What?

We broke her heart.

Why?

Now she knows
we won't always
be there for her.

Yeah, but, that's...
that's good.

Right?

I wanna go in.

No, no, no.
You could wake her up.

But, I wanna go in.

I... I don't think
we should do that.

Turn back the clock.

Oh, amazing.

This is unbelievable.

She's her daughter.

What?

They're mother and daughter.
They've never met in years.

I know, but, do you realize
this is all one sh*t?

What?

This whole scene
is one sh*t.

Camera hasn't moved
in, like, minutes.

-So?
-So that's fantastic.

What's the big deal?

One sh*t for minutes?
Do you know
what that involves?

Oh, god, look.
She's crying.

Sweetie,
a -minute sh*t means that
there's no margin for error.

One little mistake,
and they gotta
start all over.

Why would they
make a mistake?

Well, not on purpose,
but, what if one of them

forgets a line
or drops a fork?

See the guy
in the background?

If he knocks over
a cup of coffee, they gotta
throw the whole scene out.

What are you
talking about?

It's just very risky.

For these actors,
that's a lot of work.

It's their job.

Sweetie, see,
what happens...

You're ruining this
whole thing for me.