.
♪♪ I feel good ♪♪
♪♪ I knew that I would now ♪♪
♪♪ So good... So good ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause I got you ♪♪
♪♪ Oh! I feel nice ♪♪
♪♪ Like sugar and spice ♪♪
♪♪ I feel nice ♪♪
♪♪ Like sugar and spice ♪♪
♪♪ So nice... So nice ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause I got you ♪♪
Frank, what's wrong with you?
You look awful.
It's the childbirthing,
isn't it?
For two hours of labor
You put us through
a lifetime of hell.
Another great date
last night, eh?
You pick the wrong women.
They're either obsessed
with their careers
Or living with somebody
named spike.
Then, when it doesn't work out
You come here in agony
Expecting me to explain
the meaning of life.
I need a jelly donut
for that. A big one.
It's different
this time, murph.
Very different.
The date last night
was number five.
Five? You're kidding?
Gee, that breaks the old record
by what... Four?
Go ahead, mock me
But this woman is
everything I want.
She's beautiful, smart,
and she's a psychologist.
Not only do we have
a great time
I'm finally able to sleep
With my
closet door open.
This sounds pretty serious.
You wouldn't be thinking
about...
Do not say it.
This whole thing is
terrifying enough.
Her name
Is alexandra endicott payton.
I grew up with girls named
maria theresa pietrapinto.
Her family sews quilts
and makes jams.
My family screams
and hits each other.
What kind of life
could I offer her?
I live in a condo I bought
when gold-fleck mirrors were in.
I'm on the road most of the time.
We'd never see each other.
What would we do
when the kids come?
Her family
is incredibly fertile.
There are three sets of
twins in the past two generations.
The orthodontia alone would k*ll me,
and then what do I do
about private schools..?
Oh, god, I wish
we'd never met.
Frank, can I say something?
Oh, please.
I don't think therapy is doing you
A lot of good.
I need your help right now.
I want you to meet her.
Tell me if I'm
making a mistake.
You want me to tell you
if you should marry someone?
Ow! Ow!
This is not a good idea.
You know me.
If I've got an opinion,
I've got to say it.
That's what I want.
That's what I'm counting on.
When I told you you looked fat
in turtlenecks
You wouldn't speak to me
for three days.
Well this is just great.
Here I am on the brink of
a life-changing decision
And my best friend wants
to stay on the sidelines.
You can't
do this to me, murph.
What if I think
she's wrong for you?
You'll hate me.
No, frank. You've got to
make this decision yourself.
Marry her, have eight kids.
I'll meet her
on your th anniversary.
That way, if I don't like her,
we'll all be dead soon anyway.
Murph, listen to me.
Just meet alexandra.
One lunch. That's all I ask
I know you're going to love her.
Not that I love her,
although, I might
But I can't be sure
Because I've never been
in love before. At least,
I don't think I have.
Actually, there was one time
I thought I was in love
But maybe I wasn't.
Oh, god!
You see why
I need you?
Phil's, : .
Oh, thank you.
Did you meet her?
Not yet. What took you
so long?
Miles was having some
kind of hair emergency.
It's this new shampoo. It leaves
my hair dry-- look at this.
That's what you get
for using samples from the mail.
Sit down.
I don't want
to be stuck
Making conversation
by myself.
Hey there.
Anyone care for a drink
While you look over
the menus?
Phil, we've come here
for ten years.
What do we need menus for?
Because you just might
see something new.
Look at this.
"The jim dial,
an american classic.
Bacon, lettuce
and tomato on toast."
Celebrity sandwiches.
I got the idea from
the stage deli in new york.
Well, I think
it's an honor.
Phil, I'll have
a "corky sherwood," please.
Right, one peanut butter
and marshmallow fluff on white.
Oh, how about a "jim dial"
for me?
There you go. Murphy?
"The murphy brown--
Tongue on rye
with spicy mustard."
Can I sue you for this?
Afraid not.
I already talked to my lawyer.
How 'bout you, miles?
Gee, phil, I'm surprised
you remembered my name.
I don't see it anywhere.
Producers are not celebrities, miles.
Now, I know, you like hot dogs.
How about a nice
"fontana frank"?
I don't want a "fontana frank."
I want a "miles silverburger."
There isn't a "miles silverburger".
Just give me a
turkey on whole wheat.
Right, one "dan quayle"
coming up.
They're here. They're here.
Murphy:
frank, hi.
Hey, look at this.
The whole g*ng is here.
Great.
Murphy brought the whole g*ng.
Isn't that great?
Well, everybody,
I'd like you to meet...
Uh...
Alexandra.
Alexandra payton.
Alexandra.
Alexandra payton.
I can't believe
I just did that.
It's okay, sweetheart.
You just had a b.r.p.
A what?
A brief reactive psychosis.
We call them "burps."
You were anxious.
You wanted them to like me.
It manifested itself
as a little mental lapse.
What a relief, frank.
It's not permanent.
Why don't I finish
the introductions
Before frank hurts himself
again.
I'm murphy brown.
Corky sherwood, jim dial
And miles silverberg.
How do you do?
You've made me
feel very special--
Taking time out
of your busy schedules
To come say hello.
I know you and frank
are like family.
It means a lot to me.
Thanks.
She's something,
isn't she?
(Giggling)
Let's all sit down
And get to know
each other better, huh?
I' better to check in
with my office first.
Where's the phone,
sweetheart?
Frank:
I'll show you.
I can introduce you to phil.
We'll be right back.
What a witch!
What do you mean?
I really liked her.
Oh, please.
She's all wrong for frank.
It's so obvious.
(Phil laughing)
Well, at least,
it is to me.
Now what am I supposed to do?
He's going to ask what I think of her
and I'm going to have to tell him.
So, murph, what do you think
of alexandra?
Whoa, where does the day go?
Forget about
the sandwiches, phil.
Wait for me.
She's great, isn't she?
She's... Very nice.
You hate her.
I don't hate her.
You can't hate a person
you just met.
Oh boy, you really hate her.
Don't be ridiculous.
I hear they're making
another star trek.
That's not very smart.
Come on, murphy.
I told you I wanted honesty
and I meant it.
I'm depending on you.
Give it to me straight.
Okay... Okay.
She's all wrong for you.
Are you crazy?!
You just met her!
She's too rigid and inflexible.
You can tell by the
inside of her purse.
You went through
the woman's purse?
I don't believe this.
I didn't go through it;
I peered.
She had
everything in its place.
The keys in the key pouch,
two pens, a box of tic-tacs
And a package ot those
pre-moistened towelettes.
I haven't seen a purse
that neat
Since I interviewed
squeaky fromme.
Oh, come on!
The woman called you
"sweetheart" twice
In a minute and a half.
You hate that expression.
I used to hate it.
I like it now.
Okay...
Okay, so you don't like her.
Fine, that's what I wanted.
That's what I got.
I can deal with that.
You're sure?
Yes, yes, I'm sure.
You and I are okay?
Hey, we're always okay.
Wouldn't you know it?
Mrs. Keeler's had a fear
of cheese for six years.
She had to pick today
to walk into a hickory farms.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I going to have to meet her
back at the office.
Murphy, I'm so disappointed.
I was really hoping we could get
to know each other better.
Well, we'll do that.
We'll do that real soon.
Won't we, murphy?
You bet.
I'll take you back.
You don't have to.
I want to.
Are you sure?
Isn't he a sweetheart?
Murphy:
I hear it's a great film,
but I can't go.
The celtics are in town, meg,
and frank and I never miss them.
I can't cancel.
Frank is in a very destructive
relationship right now
And I'm the only healthy thing
in his life.
Right.
Have a good time.
See you soon. Bye.
Hi, murph.
Haven't seen you much lately.
Allie and I have been busy.
We bought a kite.
Boy, life is a cabaret.
I'm still trying to cut
This lech walesa interview.
I may need your eye
in the editing room.
What are you doing
tonight around : ?
Sorry, I can't.
Allie's taking me
to an exhibit
Of medieval tapestries.
Gee, the fun never stops.
No problem.
I can work it out.
Look, murph, I stopped by to
talk to you about the celtics game.
Yeah, I hear it should be a
great one, a sellout.
That's the thing.
Alexandra's never been
to a basketball game.
Can you believe that?
Anyway, I was wondering
if it's okay with you...
Wait a minute... You want
to take frieda freud
To the celtics game
with my ticket?
I told you she wanted to learn.
Let her learn
when the clippers are in town.
Listen, murph...
Come on, I promised her.
I need the ticket.
You promised her,
thinking your old pal murphy
Would be only too glad to
give up her seat.
Well, you can't have my ticket.
I already asked somebody.
Well, thanks a lot.
One of those tickets is mine.
You don't need them.
I hear there are still
some seats left
For that
gregorian chant concert.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm due in editing.
Fine, keep the tickets.
Go to the game.
I hope you sit in beer.
Hey, jim, hi.
Hello, murphy.
How would you like to be my guest
at a fun-filled evening with
the celtics on tuesday?
Sorry, slugger, no can do.
Doris and I have set aside
that night to be spontaneous.
And I can't change our plans.
Besides, I thought you
always go with frank.
I don't have to do everything
with frank.
There's other people
I can go with
Like... Miles.
How's my favorite boss?
Why?
Would you like to be
my guest with the celtics
on tuesday night?
Why?
Do I have to have a reason?
Don't you always go
to the celtics game with frank?
I don't want to go with frank.
I'd rather go with you.
Why?
Because you're such a wonderful
conversationalist.
Let's just skip it, okay.
Corky!
Hi, murphy.
I've got a date tuesday night
with larry bird.
How would you like
to join me?
Gee, wouldn't you and this larry
person rather be alone?
He's a basketball player.
Oh good! Then you won't have
to wear your flats.
Dave..?
Man:
rozmach, ktory jest
jak pociag
Bedzie trudny do zatrzymania.
Translator:
events have built
a momentum that is like a train.
It will be hard to stop.
(Speaking along with tv:)
rozmach, ktory jest
jak pociag
Bedzie trudny do zatrzymania.
Oh, great!
That's just great.
Are you happy now?
For two hours, I've been trying
to achieve the perfect taupe.
Now I've got a big can of beige.
How many times are you
going to play that?
Do you mind, eldin?
I've got to cut seconds
out of this interview
And I don't know how
I'm going to do it.
I really need another opinion.
Well, what am i?
Just another pretty face?
Okay, great.
Frank's not the only one
who can do this.
Eldin, have a look at this.
I'm thinking of
losing this section
But I'm afraid
it will seem choppy.
Murphy:
mr. Walesa, are events moving
too quickly in eastern europe?
Is there danger of a backlash?
Walesa:
rozmach ktory jest
jak pociag
Bedzie trudny do zatrzymania.
Translator:
I think events have built
a momentum that is like a train.
It will be hard to stop.
What do you think, eldin?
Whoever painted the wall
behind that man
Should be shot.
Thank you, eldin.
You've been very helpful.
That's why I'm here.
Hi, frank. It's murph.
Listen, I know it's late,
but I just wanted to say one thing.
I feel terrible about
what's been happening between us
And I just wondered if I could
talk to you for a minute.
Frank, is that bolero
playing in the background?
And why are you breathing
like that?
Oh, god, why did you
pick up the phone?
That's what answering machines
are for.
Anyway, here's why I called.
I was wondering
if that invitation still stands
To have dinner
with you and alexandra
I'd like to take you up on it.
Great, so you guys
go back to whatever.
Oh, and frank--
you might want to hurry up.
The maltese falcon
is on channel nine in...
Frank?
If you guys are here for celebrity
sandwiches, forget it.
Dumbest idea I ever had.
People were going down the menu
saying "hate him," "hate her"...
Nobody was ordering anything.
I couldn't give
an "orrin hatch" away.
Now I'm stuck with pounds
of head cheese.
Phil, could you just get us
a couple glasses of white wine
And a club soda
for murph.
Excuse me, sweetheart,
I'm going to the ladies room
And get a damp towel
for murphy's forehead.
I'll be right back.
Murph, listen to me, while she's away,
I think we should talk.
I'm glad you
said that, frank.
There's something
I wanted to tell you.
I'm sorry I behaved so badly
toward alexandra.
I'm sure if I spent more time
with her
I might learn to like her.
You don't mean that?
Yes, I do.
Look, you're my best pal.
I count on you.
But the more you saw of her,
the less I saw of you.
I think I just got scared.
Of what?
That you might not be there
for me anymore
But then I realized something.
If this is what you want
and it makes you happy
Your best friend
should want it for you.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have
to say anything.
Yes, I do.
I'm breaking up with her.
What?!
Murph, you were right about her.
Do you have any idea what it's like
to date a shrink?
She analyzes everything.
If I throw my socks
on the floor, I hate my mother.
If I don't like my peas
touching my mashed potatoes
I'm obsessive-compulsive.
I'm waxing my corvette yesterday
She tells me that cars
are phallic symbols.
Now I'm afraid to touch it.
You are some piece of work.
You are some piece of work, frank.
Why didn't you tell her before
I got stuck in the middle?
I couldn't tell her today.
It's the fourth anniversary
of grandma hanna's death.
They were very close.
Oh, boy, this is like a bad episode
of the dating game, and I'm in it.
Adios, amigo.
You can't leave me now.
You've got to help me just
get through tonight. Please.
If she calls me "sweetheart"
one more time...
I'm back, sweetheart.
Great!
I brought you that towel, murphy.
Here. Just lay it
across your forehead.
Well, would you two excuse me
for just a minute?
Where are you going, frank?
Where are you going?
I'm just going down to the corner
to get you some aspirin.
Murphy.
Sit back down here.
Come on, sit.
There's something
I want to say to you.
I've been feeling a tension
all evening
And as a trained psychologist,
it's very obvious to me
What's going on.
It is?
You're watching frank and me
getting close
and feeling threatened.
That's it,
isn't that it?
No, that's not it.
Look, I don't think we should
be talking about this anymore.
Murphy, I am here
to tell you
That it's all right
to feel rejected.
But sooner or later,
you are going to have to face
the hard facts.
I'm going to be big part of frank's
life for a very long time.
How does that make you feel?
Like the top of my head
is going to blow off.
Look, why don't we call it
a night?
No. We've got
to clear the air.
If we're going to be friends,
you can't cheat me emotionally.
Give me that honesty
you're so famous for.
Say anything
you want to say.
Listen, you don't really
want to talk shop now.
Let's move on to current events.
How about that berlin wall, huh?
You're cheating me!
I'm not good
at this.
Cheater!
Hey, give it a rest.
Cheater! Big cheater!
Cheater! Cheater!
Cheater!
Frank's breaking up with you!
Oh, murphy,
we were doing so well.
Let's not backslide now.
Got the aspirin.
How's that headache doing,
murph?
Gee, it seems to be going away.
But I think yours
may just be starting.
Why?
Murphy told me
you're leaving me.
You told her?
She asked.
So you told her?
Wait a minute,
you mean it's true?
I don't believe this.
I had to, frank.
I had to, frank.
She wanted my honesty.
You remember my honesty.
It's what you love about me.
Okay, something horrendous
has just happened.
What am I feeling?
You had to get back at me,
didn't you, murph?
That is intensely sick.
Oh, go wax your car.
I'm not feeling anything.
I'm completely blocked.
You want to know what
you're feeling?
Pain, rejection, humiliation
And an overwhelming
sense of rage.
You think so?
Trust me.
Alexandra, believe me, this
is not the way...
Shut up!
Not bad.
I was going to tell you.
I really was going
to express this in a...
Drop dead.
Better, but I think you can
get more creative.
Do you mind?!
Allie, give me a chance
to explain.
Maybe if we went somewhere...
Get out of here
before I rip your face off!
Or I could
call you tomorrow.
So, well... I'm going to just
hit the road here.
Someday you'll see
this is all for the best.
Hi, frank. How's it going?
Murph, I know you're angry.
You've got every reason to hate me,
and I don't blame you.
I want you to get it
off your chest.
Go ahead, give me
your best shot.
Frank, why would I
be angry at you?
I allowed myself to be
put in that situation.
I could have said make your own decision,
so it was really my choice
Just like it was your choice
to run like a dog.
I had to-- she threatened
to rip my face off.
I'm a television personality.
I need a face.
Besides, I thought
the sooner I got out of there
The sooner she could start
the healing process.
I don't want her to suffer.
Oh, she's through suffering.
She met somebody else.
Somebody else?
What do you mean, somebody else?
Yep. At about : a.m., Mr. Right
stopped by oil can harry's.
You took her to
a male strip joint?
It was her idea.
Boy, when that girl cuts loose,
she's amazing.
Her number with zorro
almost brought the house down.
Alexandra?
Alexandra payton?
She stuck a $ bill
down his pants
And then went back for change.
The more time we spent together,
the more I got to like her.
We talked, we laughed,
we shared revenge techniques...
Wait a minute.
What did you tell her?
A lot, but she seemed
especially interested
In what I did to that guy
in buffalo-- remember him?
Oh, my god!
Better stop at the hardware store
and get some dead bolts, frank.
The big kind.
Oh, my god!
Oh, and frank,
about the celtics game--
Want me to pick you up
or do you want to drive?
We'll take my car.
You drove last time.