Thank you for coming.
How are you?
Lovely jacket.
How do you think it's going?
You think people
are having a good time?
Is it just me
Or it this party a little...
What?
Boring?
Painful?
Endless?
Oh, God!
When you told me you were giving a party
for The Freed Museum
I figured there might not be a limbo contest.
But this is like a neutron b*mb party.
Everybody's dead, but their clothes are still standing.
Come on, guys.
I invited you to inject some life into the party.
Miles, why aren't you injecting?
Forget it.
I've tried everything.
including starting a rumor that
Monet and Manet were the same guy.
I haven't had this much fun since my bris.
Okay, I admit it.
I didn't want to give this stupid party
in the first place.
It's the biggest bunch of stiffs I've ever seen.
Murphy, I just wanted to tell you - great party.
This is my kind of crowd.
There's one fellow here who tells a knock knock joke about Toulouse-Lautrec.
I thought I'd bust a gut.
Corky:
Murphy, I thought you should know,
There's a stain on the carpet under the punch bowl.
Nobody's eating the duck fajitas.
And the old geezer who's your guest of honor
went into the bathroom minutes ago
and never came out.
Nathan David Weiss?
Oh, my god!
One of the premier artists of the th century
has to pick my bathroom to get sick in.
Or worse.
Of course.
This is too perfect.
No one's mingling.
No one's eating.
and one of my guests
croaked in the bathroom.
Come on, Frank.
You've got to go check on him.
Well, at least he's not suffering like the rest of us.
There's a dead guys in my bathroom.
Go and see, but act casual.
Get away from me. Get away. Get away.
Hello, Miss Brown.
There he is. He's alive.
I didn't k*ll anyone.
It's still early.
There you are, Mr. Weiss.
How are you enjoying the party?
Is that what it is?
I spent the last minutes looking for the casket.
But I did enjoy the mural
on the bathroom ceiling.
Oh, right.
The Iran-Contra hearings.
I know it looks a little odd,
but I can explain.
No, I like it. I don't know why.
There's something wonderfully right
about seeing Oliver North in the toilet.
Who's the artist?
His name is Eldin Bernecky.
He's been doing some work for me.
In fact, if you'd like to meet him,
I can bring him right out.
He's here?
He's always here.
It's a long story. Very long.
I'll be right back.
Oh, Mr. Weiss.
I've been wanting to talk to you all night.
You're such a gifted artist.
I wonder if you might give me some advice?
Okay, hurry up.
My husband and I are redecorating our bedroom.
And we're looking for a picture to go over our bed.
It's a king-size bed, so the painting should be large.
The duvet has a lot of blue and mauve in it.
Is there any painting you can recommend?
Dogs Playing Poker.
Oh. Well, thank you.
Go with me on this, Eldin.
Believe me, you'll thank me for it later.
Eldin Bernecky, this is Nathan David Weiss.
Oh, great pleasure, young man.
Yes. I've seen your work in the john.
and I must say, I'm very excited.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
This is Nathan David Weiss?
I'm meeting Nathan David Weiss?
Wow! What are you doing at such a dull party?
Yeah, I wondered myself
until I saw your work.
Let me tell you something. I've been around
a long time and when something turns my head
I know it's got to be good.
Are you working on anything now?
Yeah, I'm doing a tribute to the Solidarity Movement
in the master bedroom.
But it's driving me nuts.
Lech Walesa keeps coming out
like a chunky Burt Reynolds.
Ah, Ms. Brown, I compliment you
on your great good taste.
Not only are you a talented journalist,
you're a patron of the arts.
Well, I certainly try to do my part.
Eldin has a unique vision
and I have always believed
it's important to support
our most precious natural resource, the artist.
I believe it was
Lorenzo de Medici who once said...
Okay, okay, okay. That's enough.
Quiet! Quiet! I have an announcement.
Okay, okay, okay. That's enough.
Quiet! Quiet! I have an announcement.
Listen.
A major new talent has been discovered here tonight.
He's got a strange name that I don't remember
But he has a unique satirical outlook
That will, I predict
make him a great star
in the world of art.
And so, as a special, special treat
We're going to get a sneak preview
of his latest work in progress.
To the bedroom, everyone!
What? Oh, no. Wait a minute.
I didn't have a chance to straighten up.
I, I just forgot to make my bed.
Excuse me. Coming through.
Don't look on the floor.
I'll just get my underwear out of your way.
Hello.
Eldin, hi.
What are you doing here?
I don't know.
Can't a person just come into someone's office
And stand there, without being
hounded for reasons and explanations?
Maybe I just, uh, wanted to say hello.
Or maybe I just want to ride an elevator.
Or maybe I just want to borrow this pencil. Or...
If you're going to badger me like this,
I'm just going to go.
Wait a minute. Come on.
Sit Down.
What's going on?
Do you remember last night,
when Nathan David Weiss
said he was going to set up
a few appointments for me?
with some galleries?
Well, he meant it.
This morning I had an appointment
with the Hartman Gallery.
You're kidding.
That's the most important gallery in town.
What happened?
Well, I showed them some photos
of some of the work
That I've been doing at your place.
Next thing I know
They offered me my own exhibition.
I've got to sit down.
Eldin, you are sitting down.
Then I've got to stand up.
Just think. What an opportunity!
And to think, this all started with my baseboards.
This gallery thing, it's so formal.
I mean, have you ever been to the Hartman?
You have to ring a bell to get in.'
There's a little guy in the bathroom that
that makes you pay cents for a towel
and then, won't let you keep it.
Eldin, Eldin.
I think I know what this is about.
Fear, Eldin.
Fear of success.
I had that once.
I think it was a Tuesday,
February ,
Around : , :
Iin the afternoon.
But I fought it, Eldin.
I surmounted my fear
And look where I am today.
Yeah, in a little room
with no windows.
There's no air in here.
I hate this coat.
It's too black.
My sideburns feel uneven.
I don't know. I don't know.
What am I going to do?
I've never seen you like this.
Usually, you're the one giving me advice.
So let me return the favor, okay?
Seize the day, Eldin.
We both know doors this big
don't open very often.
Seize the day, Eldin.
We both know doors this big
don't open very often.
The Hartman Gallery
offered me their ceiling.
The only problem is
they want a mural in three weeks.
You know, I don't usually work with a deadline.
No kidding.
You know, I don't usually work with a deadline.
No kidding.
I'll be leaving you with a lot of
unfinished work at the house.
I'll get by, Eldin.
I could find someone to take my place.
Although that might be tough.
Most of the painters in town have heard about you.
Eldin, slow down.
I want you to listen to me.
I know what I'm talking about.
If you pass this up,
I know you'll really regret it.
I'm going to do it.
All right! Congratulations.
I'm proud of you.
Look. I'll keep in touch.
I'll let you know how it's going.
Hello, Chet.
Hello, Miss Brown.
Chet, please, you've been
working here for two weeks.
Call me Murphy.
I'd rather not, Miss Brown.
Come on, Chet. Lighten up.
No, thank you.
Oh, boy.
Did I have a rough day today.
Whoo. Two major interviews canceled on me.
and then, all out computers went down.
and as if that wasn't bad enough
and then, all out computers went down.
and as if that wasn't bad enough
On my way home,
I fell down an elevator shaft
floors.
But I'm all right now.
Isn't life wacky, Chet?
Let's talk about it.
No, thank you.
Hey, Chet, I bought a pair of shoes today,
What do you think?
Men like this kind of heel, right?
I do not get involved
in the personal affairs of clients.
Personal affairs? Okay, we're talking about a pair of shoes here.
One thing leads to another.
Okay.
Hi-ho, hi-ho.
Eldin.
Yes, it's me. And Chet, my man.
I hate those shoes.
You were supposed to call me two weeks ago.
Tell me everything.
How's the mural going?
Okay, good, good.
I just wanted to stop by and see how you and, uh
Chet were getting along.
Chet and I...
best buddies.
Chet were getting along.
Chet and I...
best buddies.
The man is completely madcap.
Okay, well, while I'm here why don't I just
see how this wall is coming along.
Okay, well, while I'm here why don't I just
see how this wall is coming along.
I have everything under control.
What kind of stroke are you using?
I'm using a combination cross-hatch stuttered sweep
What kind of stroke are you using?
I'm using a combination cross-hatch stuttered sweep
It happens to be my best stroke, I'll have you know.
Not bad.
Not bad. 'Cept if I were you, I'd wash my brush out
a little more often. But other than that, not bad at all.
Thank you.
I'll do that right now.
So, you want to hear something funny?
I almost thought about knocking
before I walked in here.
Boy, you have been away awhile.
Eldin, I know you're probably busy, but
do you have a minute to talk?
Sure.
Great.
So, I saw your picture in the society page the other day.
I never thought I'd see Eldin Bernecky's
picture in the society page.
Sure. That's last Wednesday, right?
Right.
All these gallery people
have been dragging me someplace different every night.
All these gallery people
have been dragging me someplace different every night.
They say I need, uh, visibility.
Tonight we're going to this restaurant.
All the waiters are mimes.
I hear the desert list takes an hour.
Oh, come on, Eldin.
You don't mean to tell me that you don't
find all this just a little intriguing.
I guess. I guess it will make a great mural someday.
You know the people at the gallery said,
if the exhibition goes good
I'll be doing murals in New York,
Boston, all over the country.
Wow, that's great.
If this keeps up,
you won't be stuck with me anymore.
(horn honking)
I'm coming.
(horn honking)
I'm coming!
This limo driver is so annoying.
He keeps bugging me to read his screenplay.
I almost forgot.
Uh, I have an invitation to the opening on Friday, and
I was wondering, well...
Uh, I have an invitation to the opening on Friday, and
I was wondering, well...
Would you be my date?
Not like a real date.
You wouldn't have to wax
any body body parts or anything.
Eldin, I'd be honored.
Great.
You know, I know that it sounds like I'm complaining about all this
But it's... it's really pretty exciting.
I mean, my works going to be in a gallery.
People are actually going to see it.
They're going to think about it.
They're going to talk about it.
None of this would have been happening,
if it wasn't for you.
Eldin, I;m very happy for you.
So I'll pick you up, next Friday : .
Oh, I don't know what you did to Chet,
But you really got him to loosen up.
Bye, Eldin.
Well, I guess you could say I discovered him.
I was like a mother bird
pushing her youngster from the nest.
Artistic talent has to be supported, you know.
I think it was Lorenzo de Medici who once said...
Oh, look. Crab balls.
If you'll excuse me.
So, Janine, you write for Art Monthly Magazine.
I'm a subscriber.
I can't wait for it to show up every month.
Every other month.
I wish it were every month.
That's what I meant.
Then you probably saw my last article.
I answered the age old question, what is art?
My feeling is that art is everywhere.
Whatever we see, feel, experience.
Art is everything, and everything is art.
Of course.
Everything, except television.
Television is crap.
What do you do for a living?
I own a gas station.
I guess you could say I'm responsible for this evening.
But I was just doing my part for society.
I think it was Lorenzo de Medici who once...
I think I see someone I know.
Excuse me, will you.
Fred
Go ahead, take your time.
How come every time I look over here,
someone's running away from you.
Because I want your show to go well,
I'm really nervous and they sense it.
Look at this.
I can't release my grip on my purse.
And my left eyelid keeps twitching.
What makes that happen?
It just started for no reason.
Can you see it?
Yeah, but you can hardly notice it.
I mean it just adds a nice little touch of hysteria.
to the most agonizing evening of my life.
When are they going to open these doors?
Okay, let's just calm down.
Just take a deep breath.
I want you to enjoy right now, Eldin.
This could be your last moment of anonymity.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention please.
Three weeks ago, I discovered a young artist
whose work exuded such raw power
that I was completely won over
and I don't have any doubt that when you see his new work.
It will affect you in the same way, so...
prepare to be dazzled.
Amazing.
"No smoking."
So simple,
yet so powerful.
Warhol could not
have done it better.
Wait, there's more.
A light switch.
Brilliant.
It means we have a choice.
Darkness or light.
and in this case
The artist has the light on.
He means us to see the world as it really is.
Yes! The world.
and this crack in the all is Eastern Europe.
It's Eastern Europe.
Wait. I understand.
The room is empty.
We come into the room.
We are the art.
It's tremendous.
Wait a minute.
Hold it. Hold it, folks.
It's up there.
(gasping)
It's so Christo.
It's Neo-Christo.
It's Anti-Christo.
No, No. It's under the cloth.
(gasping)
I was right.
We're under the cloth.
We are the art.
We're under the cloth.
We are the art.
What are they talking about?
What are they talking about?
Oh, look, a mural.
Oh!
(crowd applauding)
The mural is not the event.
The mural is only a part of the event.
I pour my heart and soul into that ceiling
to have a bunch of people who drive jeeps with car phones
drool over a "No Smoking" sign.
Quiet, everyone. He's saying something.
Nobody look up there.
I don't want your eye prints on my work.
It's mine!
Everybody, get out!
Go home!
Get out!
It's performance art!
Hi.
Is this the house painters' bar?
I wasn't sure. There's no sign.
It's being painted.
I'm looking for someone.
Eldin Bernecky.
Do you know him?
Maybe. Who wants to know?
I'm a friend of his.
He's mentioned this place a few times.
I thought he might be here.
Hey, you with the kneepads,
We don't serve your kind in here.
Beat it!
Lousy carpet layers.
So, Eldin Bernecky.
Have you seen him?
You're a non-painter, aren't you?
Maybe even a client looking for her painter
bitching about a party she's having
and the kitchen cabinets aren't finished.
Yeah, you got trouble written all over you.
Listen, I could make this worth your while.
I got a discount coupon here, for a roller pan.
He's over there.
Eldin?
Hi.
Can I sit down?
Yeah, I guess so.
I feel terrible, Eldin.
You didn't want to have a show. I pushed you.
This is all my fault.
Oh, it's not your fault.
I got caught up in something I never really cared about.
You know, I don't paint for other people.
I paint for me.
All of a sudden
I was caring too much about
what they thought
Eldin, you know what you need?
You need to get back
on a scaffold and paint again.
I don't know.
I mean, I'm very confused.
You know, when I left the gallery
I really felt like I'd sold out.
You know, I was just going to
put my brushes down for good.
But a motorcycle, head west.
Stopping in small towns
Help those in trouble
And then just move on
before anyone can get too close to me.
Then I realized something.
I left my coat back at the gallery.
So when I went back, guess what was going on.
A bidding w*r.
For my mural.
No kidding?
Yeah.
Couple of Japanese guys came out on top.
They're dismantling the ceiling right now
and sending it to Mitsubishi Headquarters in Kyoto.
They gave me a check on the spot.
Well, there you go.
You see, there's always a silver lining.
Maybe it wasn't the greatest experience in the world,
But you've still got my house, plenty of work to do
and you've even got a little extra spending money.
But you've still got my house, plenty of work to do
and you've even got a little extra spending money.
$ . million?!
Oh, my god!
What a bitter irony
to be so disillusioned
and so incredibly wealthy
at the same time.
$ . million!
Eldin, do you realize what this means?
Yeah. It's going to take all the fun out of playing lotto.
Your whole life is going to change.
You don't have to worry about making a living.
You sure don't need to be sanding baseboards
at my house anymore.
Yeah, I know.
So, I...
I guess what this means, is...
This is it.
Yeah, how about that, huh?
No more listening to you
butcher Aretha Franklin.
no more watching you use my good
pantyhose to strain paint.
No more screaming about my scaffold in your living room.
No more wise cracks about my love life.
What love life?
What love life?
Wow.
Boy, I've done some good work over there, haven't I?
You've done extraordinary work, Eldin
Well, I better get going.
It's late.
Yeah, I got to get up early.
The bank's giving away a free electric blanket
with every new account.
Do yo think that, uh...
Maybe tomorrow, I could stop by your house and get my tools
No problem.
And while I was there, I thought
Well, maybe I could
finish that little space above the mantle.
That's a very good idea.
And maybe...
Well, if you have time
You could just touch up over the archway.
Oh, yeah, and refinish the banister. I got to do that.
And you know, I was thinking of adding a mosaic to the upstairs bathroom.
That's a great space.
I've always wanted to do something there.
Hey, wait a minute, Eldin. How much is this going to cost me?
Don't worry about it.
We'll work it out.
What will you do with all this money?
First thing, I'm going to buy new seat covers for the truck.
That's a definite.
And then, after that, maybe I'll go to a movie.
You know, I hear they're up to $$ now.
Eldin, you should be thinking a little bigger.
You're a millionaire.
Hey.
These are the Bush years.
You're a millionaire.
Hey.
These are the Bush years.
. mil don't go as far as it used to.